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Morty knows he shouldn't be screwing around with multidimensional shit. It's dangerous, it's impractical, it's blah blah blah. But it's a potential key to unlimited energy, how does nobody see that? He's built a dimensional siphon (it kind of looks like a cardboard box with a funnel and a TI-84 taped to it, but it damn well works), keyed in the dimensional coordinates to a random plane, and by God he's going to use it.
He flips the switch and waits for the energy bar to fill up.
It does! It fills up very rapidly. Then it explodes, along with the box. There's rather more smoke than there should be, and once the smoke clears someone is standing there.
"Oh my," Morty says faintly.
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The illusory puppet exults. His double appearifies himself a small and tasteful party hat.
After a moment, Peter lopes down the stairs. He looks roughly like the illusion, though in person he is, for some reason, wearing a baseball cap.
He opens his mouth, revealing far too many teeth, and speaks in a voice like a plague of locusts and a field of steel blades. "Y'ello."
He opens his mouth, revealing far too many teeth, and speaks in a voice like a plague of locusts and a field of steel blades. "Y'ello."
unmarred
"Hi," says Mark.
In-person Peter is even more attractive than the illusory version, it turns out.
In-person Peter is even more attractive than the illusory version, it turns out.
Peter crouches into what appears to be his standing position. "So, Fubar says, and I quote, 'There's a vampire from another universe who needs to be shown around and protected from killing or being killed by jackasses, and incidentally he thinks you're hot as hell.' I've known Louis for more of my life than I haven't, but his idea of tact takes me by surprise every time. This is the man who hears every secret of some of the most powerful human beings in the world, and his idea of 'subtle' is still playing Barry White over the PA whenever specific people are in the same room."
Louis sniffs. "It was Marvin Gaye, you philistine."
Peter rolls his eyes and holds out the longer of his right hands. "Peter. Nice to meet you."
Louis sniffs. "It was Marvin Gaye, you philistine."
Peter rolls his eyes and holds out the longer of his right hands. "Peter. Nice to meet you."
unmarred
Mark shakes Peter's hand. "Mark. Likewise. I might mind Louis's idea of tact more if he wasn't so fucking adorable about it."
"That, I can agree with. And to be fair, he was actually a bit better about the whole thing back when he wasn't living in a fishbowl."
Louis, now sporting a stylish fishbowl hat, nods sadly. "Captivity disagrees with me."
"So, you're a vampire from a parallel universe. Are there many vampires? Do you, you know..." He mimes a "grr, argh" sort of gesture.
Louis, now sporting a stylish fishbowl hat, nods sadly. "Captivity disagrees with me."
"So, you're a vampire from a parallel universe. Are there many vampires? Do you, you know..." He mimes a "grr, argh" sort of gesture.
unmarred
"I'm actually from two parallel universes," he says. "I picked up vampirism in between home and here. That universe is absolutely crawling with 'em, and they are mostly bloodthirsty assholes. I won't claim I don't thirst for blood, but I'm not inclined to kill anyone over it."
"Considerate of you," Peter nods. "So you bravely rebel against type. I'm somewhat in the same boat, being apparently purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans and not particularly inclined to do so. I mean, honestly, there is not a single part of my body that isn't apparently designed for murder. Does that seem evolutionarily plausible? In what universe is it an advantage to have every joint be murderously spiked?"
"I wouldn't call that the least plausible part of you that's spiked," notes Louis innocently.
Peter glares, but refuses to comment.
"I wouldn't call that the least plausible part of you that's spiked," notes Louis innocently.
Peter glares, but refuses to comment.
unmarred
...oh, come on, that's just unfair. At least vampires can't blush.
"Were you purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans, if that isn't a rude question?" (Having sort of been purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans himself, Mark feels that he gets to ask it if anybody does.)
"Were you purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans, if that isn't a rude question?" (Having sort of been purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans himself, Mark feels that he gets to ask it if anybody does.)
"Very few of us were purpose-made to do anything. Mutants are naturally occurring. Louis is of the opinion that I'm like this because my thirteen-year-old-self thought it would look cool, which is believable. Also, he was a bit more ambivalent on the subject of murder. I mean, killing people is all well and good, but if there's no good reason behind it it just seems a bit pointless, you know? Sort of declassé."
unmarred
Mark giggles.
"In defense of your thirteen-year-old self, it does look cool."
"In defense of your thirteen-year-old self, it does look cool."
"Thank you." Peter preens, showing off his spiny plumage. (Louis, man and monster both, look terribly smug.)
Post-preening, Peter looks slightly awkward.
Louis' illusory manifestation clears his nonexistent throat. "Well, unless you plan to leap on each other at this very moment, which I wouldn't want to get in the way of, perhaps you should get started with the whole orientation affair?"
Louis' illusory manifestation clears his nonexistent throat. "Well, unless you plan to leap on each other at this very moment, which I wouldn't want to get in the way of, perhaps you should get started with the whole orientation affair?"
unmarred
"Seems reasonable."
The fact that vampires can't blush is extremely useful. So is the fact that Mark has a tendency to default to expressionlessness. See how calm and collected and not at all awkward he looks!
The fact that vampires can't blush is extremely useful. So is the fact that Mark has a tendency to default to expressionlessness. See how calm and collected and not at all awkward he looks!
Louis is inclined to take that as a challenge, as evidenced by the unnaturally clear and vivid mental image of Peter naked that pops into Mark's head. All of Louis' various faces radiate innocence.
Peter sighs. "I should, actually, probably show you around. If for no other reason than to get us out of Louis' domain so he can stop harassing you."
Peter sighs. "I should, actually, probably show you around. If for no other reason than to get us out of Louis' domain so he can stop harassing you."
unmarred
"Suits me," he says, still outwardly unruffled. "Is whatever that other person did to prevent me catching fire in sunlight still active?"
"Elizabeth says it's a 24-hour charm," relays Louis after a moment. "A more permanent solution can be gotten from Mystic Arts when it wears off."
Peter leads on!
First, Mark is shown around Hawthorne. Peter shows him various safety precautions, including an extremely mad-scientific fire extinguishing system and several rooms designed for flagrantly explosive mutants. "Since you don't exude nerve gas or anything, I don't think you'll need one of the special rooms. So your room is probably going to be more of a standard dorm than anything else, just fit with blackout curtains."
First, Mark is shown around Hawthorne. Peter shows him various safety precautions, including an extremely mad-scientific fire extinguishing system and several rooms designed for flagrantly explosive mutants. "Since you don't exude nerve gas or anything, I don't think you'll need one of the special rooms. So your room is probably going to be more of a standard dorm than anything else, just fit with blackout curtains."
"I'd introduce you to the other residents, but most of them are in class and the three who aren't aren't really fit for polite company, so it might not be the best time."