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Morty knows he shouldn't be screwing around with multidimensional shit. It's dangerous, it's impractical, it's blah blah blah. But it's a potential key to unlimited energy, how does nobody see that? He's built a dimensional siphon (it kind of looks like a cardboard box with a funnel and a TI-84 taped to it, but it damn well works), keyed in the dimensional coordinates to a random plane, and by God he's going to use it.
He flips the switch and waits for the energy bar to fill up.
It does! It fills up very rapidly. Then it explodes, along with the box. There's rather more smoke than there should be, and once the smoke clears someone is standing there.
"Oh my," Morty says faintly.
unmarred
...Mark kind of thinks they're both adorable!
But also: there is something intensely fucking familiar about Ariel. The hair, the face, the mannerisms, the name—? What the hell?
But also: there is something intensely fucking familiar about Ariel. The hair, the face, the mannerisms, the name—? What the hell?
unmarred
"Yeah. I don't have an explanation either."
And he's torn between wanting to meet her and wanting to stay far the fuck away. On the one hand, maybe he could figure out what the hell (and maybe she will react to him the same way Ari did); on the other hand, the thought of someone reacting to him the same way Ari did is mildly terrifying, and he hasn't got the first clue of how to approach her or whether he even should, and emotions are confusing and make him want to find a depressing crypt to hide in.
The attractive four-armed monstrosity is probably the less complicated option. He didn't come with a flirtation warning.
And he's torn between wanting to meet her and wanting to stay far the fuck away. On the one hand, maybe he could figure out what the hell (and maybe she will react to him the same way Ari did); on the other hand, the thought of someone reacting to him the same way Ari did is mildly terrifying, and he hasn't got the first clue of how to approach her or whether he even should, and emotions are confusing and make him want to find a depressing crypt to hide in.
The attractive four-armed monstrosity is probably the less complicated option. He didn't come with a flirtation warning.
"Do you mind my letting her know there's a half-demon male version of her in an alternate universe who beats the shit out of vampires? She'll definitely want to know. And probably have sex with him."
Ariel's puppy-dog eyes intensify.
Ariel's puppy-dog eyes intensify.
unmarred
"...you can tell her," sighs Mark. And if she wants to know how Louis knows that, Louis can provide as much of the surrounding context as she asks for, and Mark will just deal with whatever may result.
"I'll get right on that, then," says Louis. "But for the time being, I think Peter might work best. He's just upstairs; would you like me to call him down?"
unmarred
"Sure."
And all things considered, Mark would really prefer that Peter did not find out that Mark thinks he is cute.
And all things considered, Mark would really prefer that Peter did not find out that Mark thinks he is cute.
"Aw. No matchmaking? Must you deny an old horrormonster his lone pastime?"
A single tear trickles from each of the tankbeast's eyes. It's unclear how, given he's submerged in purified water, but tears do appear to trickle. Also, a tragic violin begins to play.
A single tear trickles from each of the tankbeast's eyes. It's unclear how, given he's submerged in purified water, but tears do appear to trickle. Also, a tragic violin begins to play.
unmarred
Well that's just fucking adorable.
"You said you can't read his mind," says Mark, "so I'm not going to assume you would be infallible at predicting his likely reaction."
"You said you can't read his mind," says Mark, "so I'm not going to assume you would be infallible at predicting his likely reaction."
"I mean, he wouldn't take one look at you and immediately start tossing you into bottomless emotional pits, but he'll like you just fine, and he's not averse to casual stuff. And given the givens, which I can assure you you won't mind, he's apparently quite good in bed. As long as the bed is sturdy enough not to get ripped apart, which is occasionally a concern. His current one's made of Kevlar, but frankly I'd recommend just standing to avoid the topic entirely."
Louis relates all this with his illusory puppet bearing a look of pious disinterest and a grin on every horrible fanged mouth. This really is his favorite hobby.
Louis relates all this with his illusory puppet bearing a look of pious disinterest and a grin on every horrible fanged mouth. This really is his favorite hobby.
After a moment, Peter lopes down the stairs. He looks roughly like the illusion, though in person he is, for some reason, wearing a baseball cap.
He opens his mouth, revealing far too many teeth, and speaks in a voice like a plague of locusts and a field of steel blades. "Y'ello."
He opens his mouth, revealing far too many teeth, and speaks in a voice like a plague of locusts and a field of steel blades. "Y'ello."
unmarred
"Hi," says Mark.
In-person Peter is even more attractive than the illusory version, it turns out.
In-person Peter is even more attractive than the illusory version, it turns out.
Peter crouches into what appears to be his standing position. "So, Fubar says, and I quote, 'There's a vampire from another universe who needs to be shown around and protected from killing or being killed by jackasses, and incidentally he thinks you're hot as hell.' I've known Louis for more of my life than I haven't, but his idea of tact takes me by surprise every time. This is the man who hears every secret of some of the most powerful human beings in the world, and his idea of 'subtle' is still playing Barry White over the PA whenever specific people are in the same room."
Louis sniffs. "It was Marvin Gaye, you philistine."
Peter rolls his eyes and holds out the longer of his right hands. "Peter. Nice to meet you."
Louis sniffs. "It was Marvin Gaye, you philistine."
Peter rolls his eyes and holds out the longer of his right hands. "Peter. Nice to meet you."
unmarred
Mark shakes Peter's hand. "Mark. Likewise. I might mind Louis's idea of tact more if he wasn't so fucking adorable about it."
"That, I can agree with. And to be fair, he was actually a bit better about the whole thing back when he wasn't living in a fishbowl."
Louis, now sporting a stylish fishbowl hat, nods sadly. "Captivity disagrees with me."
"So, you're a vampire from a parallel universe. Are there many vampires? Do you, you know..." He mimes a "grr, argh" sort of gesture.
Louis, now sporting a stylish fishbowl hat, nods sadly. "Captivity disagrees with me."
"So, you're a vampire from a parallel universe. Are there many vampires? Do you, you know..." He mimes a "grr, argh" sort of gesture.
unmarred
"I'm actually from two parallel universes," he says. "I picked up vampirism in between home and here. That universe is absolutely crawling with 'em, and they are mostly bloodthirsty assholes. I won't claim I don't thirst for blood, but I'm not inclined to kill anyone over it."
"Considerate of you," Peter nods. "So you bravely rebel against type. I'm somewhat in the same boat, being apparently purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans and not particularly inclined to do so. I mean, honestly, there is not a single part of my body that isn't apparently designed for murder. Does that seem evolutionarily plausible? In what universe is it an advantage to have every joint be murderously spiked?"
"I wouldn't call that the least plausible part of you that's spiked," notes Louis innocently.
Peter glares, but refuses to comment.
"I wouldn't call that the least plausible part of you that's spiked," notes Louis innocently.
Peter glares, but refuses to comment.
unmarred
...oh, come on, that's just unfair. At least vampires can't blush.
"Were you purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans, if that isn't a rude question?" (Having sort of been purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans himself, Mark feels that he gets to ask it if anybody does.)
"Were you purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans, if that isn't a rude question?" (Having sort of been purpose-made to murder unsuspecting humans himself, Mark feels that he gets to ask it if anybody does.)
"Very few of us were purpose-made to do anything. Mutants are naturally occurring. Louis is of the opinion that I'm like this because my thirteen-year-old-self thought it would look cool, which is believable. Also, he was a bit more ambivalent on the subject of murder. I mean, killing people is all well and good, but if there's no good reason behind it it just seems a bit pointless, you know? Sort of declassé."