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Morty knows he shouldn't be screwing around with multidimensional shit. It's dangerous, it's impractical, it's blah blah blah. But it's a potential key to unlimited energy, how does nobody see that? He's built a dimensional siphon (it kind of looks like a cardboard box with a funnel and a TI-84 taped to it, but it damn well works), keyed in the dimensional coordinates to a random plane, and by God he's going to use it.
He flips the switch and waits for the energy bar to fill up.
It does! It fills up very rapidly. Then it explodes, along with the box. There's rather more smoke than there should be, and once the smoke clears someone is standing there.
"Oh my," Morty says faintly.
"Well- I can start the process of doing that, I guess. And get expelled."
He takes out his phone and dials an extension.
"Hello."
"What is it?" snaps a voice on the other end of the line.
"Mrs. Hartford, how good to-"
"What is it, you little slime?"
"Okay. I accidentally summoned someone from another-"
"You WHAT?"
He winces. "Yes. He says this 'is not the first time this has-'"
"I don't care, you little idiot! I'm sending the Headmistress over now."
"Well, I'm s-
There's a click from the other end.
"...Fine." He clicks the phone shut and actually looks angry enough to stop being petrified. He walks over to his window, muttering all the while. "Christ. Hartford is the biggest bitch in the universe, I swear to God."
He shifts the curtain to look out the window. "At least it's nice outside. Maybe I can have a picnic before they send me to space prison on the moon." He goes to open the window for Mrs. Carson.
He takes out his phone and dials an extension.
"Hello."
"What is it?" snaps a voice on the other end of the line.
"Mrs. Hartford, how good to-"
"What is it, you little slime?"
"Okay. I accidentally summoned someone from another-"
"You WHAT?"
He winces. "Yes. He says this 'is not the first time this has-'"
"I don't care, you little idiot! I'm sending the Headmistress over now."
"Well, I'm s-
There's a click from the other end.
"...Fine." He clicks the phone shut and actually looks angry enough to stop being petrified. He walks over to his window, muttering all the while. "Christ. Hartford is the biggest bitch in the universe, I swear to God."
He shifts the curtain to look out the window. "At least it's nice outside. Maybe I can have a picnic before they send me to space prison on the moon." He goes to open the window for Mrs. Carson.
unmarred
And then Mark is there, holding the curtain shut and blocking access to the window.
"I am nastily allergic to direct sunlight," he says. "While it's possible that at least some of your problems would be solved if you opened the window and I caught fire, I don't recommend trying it."
Morty eeps.
"I-I-I, I can't, I need to, I need to open the window, I, Mrs. Carson needs, I, the window, I-I-"
Morty needs to sit down again. He thumps onto the floor. He may or may not be conscious.
"I-I-I, I can't, I need to, I need to open the window, I, Mrs. Carson needs, I, the window, I-I-"
Morty needs to sit down again. He thumps onto the floor. He may or may not be conscious.
There is a flash of blue light, and there is a woman brandishing a very glowy rod standing in the room. She takes in Morty lying on the floor and brandishes the rod more purposefully.
"Explain my student's unconsciousness and why I should not vaporize you where you stand, vampire. Quickly."
She doesn't seem to be amused! However, after a moment of sizing up the situation, she relents and returns the rod to a guarding position. "I apologize. You are from another world; I shouldn't apply local assumptions of vampires to you. Speaking of which, I apologize for my student's behavior and assure you that it will be remedied as soon as possible."
"Until then... I would like you to explain to a psychic what abilities you have at your disposal and whether or not you intend to harm anyone here. If you are credibly not a threat, I will apologize again for my suspicion and you will be hosted here without incident. If you are something of a threat but do not appear immediately or intentionally harmful, you will be hosted in a higher security area and possibly allowed to wander under supervision." She refrains from listing the third option, in which the psychic tells her that he's pure evil and she destroys him. He probably picks up on it anyway.
"I can fly you over to Louis' tank in short order if you let me carry you. And protect you from the sun while you're there. If you'd rather not, we can take the tunnels. It's your choice; flight is quicker, but I will understand if you'd rather not hop into the arms of the woman most recently threatening your bodily integrity."
She hefts him, incants a brief sun ward, and zooms across several hundred feet of campus. They land at Hawthorne in short order, and she sets him down and leads him in. Down the stairs they go.
Inside a large tank is a horrible, horrible monster. It features many tentacles, but also an enormous quantity of other features that make so much less sense. Horns, wings, hooves, teeth- God, the teeth. Generally, it looks like something that shouldn't exist.
There's also a 30something man sitting in an armchair wearing a tweed suit and a Cthulhu beanie. He waves at them cheerily. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Carson. Pleasure to meet you, Miles. I do wish you could say the same, but I hope I can at least make your afternoon a bit better."
Inside a large tank is a horrible, horrible monster. It features many tentacles, but also an enormous quantity of other features that make so much less sense. Horns, wings, hooves, teeth- God, the teeth. Generally, it looks like something that shouldn't exist.
There's also a 30something man sitting in an armchair wearing a tweed suit and a Cthulhu beanie. He waves at them cheerily. "Good afternoon, Mrs. Carson. Pleasure to meet you, Miles. I do wish you could say the same, but I hope I can at least make your afternoon a bit better."
Mrs. Carson looks deeply confused!
Louis also looks confused! Then he starts laughing somewhat helplessly.
"Good God. Ah, sorry, Mark, and also, congratulations on having an excessively fascinating brain. In addition to your apparently fully-functioning copy of your brother, are you aware that you have cleavage points? You could very well be even more people than you already are."
Mrs. Carson looks no less confused!
Louis also looks confused! Then he starts laughing somewhat helplessly.
"Good God. Ah, sorry, Mark, and also, congratulations on having an excessively fascinating brain. In addition to your apparently fully-functioning copy of your brother, are you aware that you have cleavage points? You could very well be even more people than you already are."
Mrs. Carson looks no less confused!
"Allow me to demonstrate," he says. Suddenly, Mark is, to all appearances, on fire.
Mrs. Carson looks highly alarmed! "Louis, what on earth-"
"Elizabeth, please. I am a licensed psychologist." Very severe glasses appear on Louis' face. As an afterthought, two of the eyes of the beast in the tank are also covered by very severe glasses. "Allow me to work."
Mrs. Carson looks highly alarmed! "Louis, what on earth-"
"Elizabeth, please. I am a licensed psychologist." Very severe glasses appear on Louis' face. As an afterthought, two of the eyes of the beast in the tank are also covered by very severe glasses. "Allow me to work."
unmarred
Mark's first reaction is alarm, because he is suddenly on fire and that is usually a bad thing.
He doesn't entirely mind being on fire, though. Just - partially. Part of him flinches away from the pain, part of him revels in it. And when he catches up to himself after a second and notices that he is not actually on fire and merely feeling that way, the part that notices is the same part that's having trouble with the pain; the other half of his mixed reaction is too immersed in sensory appreciation to care.
Oh. Well. That's obvious, then.
He starts giggling again. What an excellent demonstration. Efficient, informative, and entertaining.
He doesn't entirely mind being on fire, though. Just - partially. Part of him flinches away from the pain, part of him revels in it. And when he catches up to himself after a second and notices that he is not actually on fire and merely feeling that way, the part that notices is the same part that's having trouble with the pain; the other half of his mixed reaction is too immersed in sensory appreciation to care.
Oh. Well. That's obvious, then.
He starts giggling again. What an excellent demonstration. Efficient, informative, and entertaining.
"Ah, und ve haff ze epiphany." Louis snaps his fingers, appearifying a large bucket of illusory water over Mark's head to "put him out".
Mrs. Carson beholds this. "I suppose I'll leave you gentlemen to it, then."
She briefly makes eye contact with the beast, then retreats up the stairs.
Mrs. Carson beholds this. "I suppose I'll leave you gentlemen to it, then."
She briefly makes eye contact with the beast, then retreats up the stairs.
unmarred
Mark continues to giggle. Once the bucket of water has put him out and he is no longer in illusory pain, there's nothing to distinguish one half of his internal experience from the other anymore, but he remembers what it was like to notice he was having two different reactions to the same situation.
"That was hilarious."
Although he really hopes that Louis checked his likely reaction before trying it, because he can imagine most people would not have been amused.
"That was hilarious."
Although he really hopes that Louis checked his likely reaction before trying it, because he can imagine most people would not have been amused.
The beast snorts, sending bubbles from one of its mouths. Several of its eyes roll.
"No, I just set everyone on fire the first time I meet them. Lizzie up there thought it was a laugh riot, let me tell you."
"Don't you bring me into this," the headmistress in question calls from upstairs.
"No, I just set everyone on fire the first time I meet them. Lizzie up there thought it was a laugh riot, let me tell you."
"Don't you bring me into this," the headmistress in question calls from upstairs.
unmarred
"I deny your assertion," says Mark. It is pretty clear to him that Mrs. Carson did not approve, even though he was busy being on imaginary fire for most of her reaction.
(In the back of his mind he's also wondering how the threat assessment part of this interview is going to go. It would be sort of laughable to declare him not a threat at all even in a world with this much powerful magic; on the other hand they've got a bloody psychic who can verify pretty easily that he is really not interested in threatening people; on the other other hand he's well aware of how easily his intentions can be altered by circumstances. He definitely couldn't promise not to slaughter another vampire cult.)
(In the back of his mind he's also wondering how the threat assessment part of this interview is going to go. It would be sort of laughable to declare him not a threat at all even in a world with this much powerful magic; on the other hand they've got a bloody psychic who can verify pretty easily that he is really not interested in threatening people; on the other other hand he's well aware of how easily his intentions can be altered by circumstances. He definitely couldn't promise not to slaughter another vampire cult.)
"The threat assessment is not even slightly about the slaughter of vampire cults," Louis says. "Slaughter as many evil cultists as you like, so long as you take care with the bodies. We're concerned about the safety of the students, here. For instance, if a gentleman by the charming moniker of 'Powerhouse' decides that you 'look like a fag' and need correction for it, and tries to rearrange your delightful face, will he find himself crying for his mommy with a dislocated pelvis, or will he be found with a broken neck? Bearing in mind that many of the threatened parties attack with such speed that to retaliate you would most likely be acting on instinct, and bearing in mind that your instincts are those of an assassin."