"Anyway," he agrees. "One of the worst first sentences I've ever read was 'Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories,' and it'll take a lot to top that." 

"Wh... what was the book about."

This is very outrageous! How dare Asher treat him in this way!

It occurs to Chad that if he tries to punch Asher again he will probably end up on the floor again, no matter how outrageous this treatment is. So he walks away very slowly and nobly, like he just decided that the losers weren't worth his time, and definitely not like he is slinking away in humiliation. 

He continues to pretend that Chad Charming doesn't exist and certainly doesn't exist anywhere near him.

"I don't actually know, because I stopped reading after the first sentence. Other contenders for worst sentence ever include 'Propitious fortune allowed her to descry whom the crepuscular light yielded,' 'His skipping heart hung about his neck like a great, dead albatross,' and 'The fairies of Minglewood, which is near Dingly Pool, were having a grand revel with flower-cakes, and butterfly dances, looking ever so pretty, while Queen Bellaflora swept her wand o’er the waterfall’s foam, making it pop like the snot-bubbles on your baby sister’s face.'" 

"Snot... bubbles?"

"Having never had a baby sister I do not pretend to know."

"I wouldn't say it particularly resembles a waterfall."

Kaleva is still pretty freaked out.

"I think they were trying to be cutesy and failed, but it's been a while, that sentence just stuck out." 

He's as relaxed as he can make himself be in public, mostly for Kaleva's benefit but a little bit for everyone else who might be looking. If anyone tries to mess with me they will have no impact whatsoever on my day and I will barely even notice. I'm safe. 

Asher is irritated about the interruption of his nice lunch/seduction and it has never occurred to him that he should edit his feelings for other people's benefit. 

"Is the heart supposed to be a literal heart, because that might be cool."

"I am pretty sure it was a metaphorical heart but context did not make it anywhere near as clear as you would hope." 

"It should be a literal heart in a world where people regularly wear albatrosses around their necks. Very Gothic."

"You're so weird." He's affectionate about it. 

"You like weird."

"I do."

"We're going to take Sasha to a theme park this weekend! You should come."

"I'm told there are games you can beat me at." 

"All the games are rigged so you don't win!"

"I'm sure there'll be something else you can beat me at, then!" 

"Mostly rides! And enormous quantities of cotton candy."

"I don't actually know what cotton candy is, but you should definitely come with us and see me find out." 

"...Yes. Yes I do. And also you need to make a list of every kind of food you have not had."

Kaleva is mildly irritated that he didn't think of putting that on his spreadsheet.

"There are a lot of kinds of food out there and I have probably never heard of most of them!" 

"Maybe I can make a list."

"It would have to be a pretty long list."