....Nope, his Herald is already a cleric, it might be one thing if Iomedae had cleric-juice to spare but it might put his Herald in a really awkward position if Seldan belonged to a different god who didn't quite want the same things as Iomedae.

Also Seldan suspects that most gods would find him obnoxious, and they wouldn't be wrong. He's really not very good at taking orders; he's pretty sure he used to drive his superiors to distraction, back when he was human, and he's not sure if he ever resolved that beyond ending up with enough seniority that it rarely applied. 

He'll just keep being here for Blai to lean on. He's still glad, in spite of everything, that he's here with his Herald. 

Mrrghhhhwhat no go away Stef was sleeping. 

...not dying is also good. Stef would like to not die. 

He's really not thinking of any gods he would get along with, though. Except for the god of crime that briefly came up once. But probably he shouldn't try to pray to the god of crime, for multiple reasons including that god being evil and also giving him worse magic. 

Vanyel...may or may not have been too bleary to understand the one-line Mindspeech aside from Shavri about praying. He's certainly not thinking about praying to be made a cleric of any of the gods on the list; if he were, it would be more salient that he's in no shape for any god to want him. He's a stupid pick; he's probably going to die in the next day or two, since there's no way of getting to Golarion – after he got Leareth killed, which is obviously because he sucks at everything and has terrible judgement and could only mess things up for any god that wanted to work through him – and at this point, despite all his best efforts to resist it, Vanyel can only see that as a relief. 

(On top of everything else wrong, Vanyel's mood has never benefited from low blood sugar and considerable physical pain, and he's not thinking clearly enough to fight the despair looping.) 

...He can pray in general, though. To some hypothetical god out there who might actually care about all the people dying in Iftel right now, because he's pretty sure the Shadowgod - if They were ever in any sense really an ally - doesn't. Someone might care about the souls of the people who died in k'Treva. Someone, out there, might care about Brightstar, who - isn't okay, and deserved better than his Goddess, and deserves better than Vanyel, who can't take care of any of the people he cares about. 

Maybe there's even a god out there who cares about Leareth. There...are of course all the obvious reasons why they desperately needed Leareth alive, but...Vanyel somehow hadn't, really, thought through the way that it would hurt. Not in the bottomless-pit way that losing Yfandes hurts, but - almost in a more real and human way than that. In some sense it's hard to grieve for Yfandes, the person, who was a Herald once and who liked math and swimming, because that's drowned out by the absence-of-Yfandes as its own entity, the sucking screaming emptiness that's more about Vanyel than about her. 

But Leareth was a person, and he - mattered to Vanyel - and he's gone. And - maybe - Vanyel can't actually think about it properly, when he's convinced on a deep emotional level that nothing will go right ever again - but maybe they can fix it. Someday. If Leareth's soul is safe. If somehow, some way, someone finds a way to get a Gate to Golarion. It's clearly not going to be Vanyel because he's useless now and is going to die soon, but someone, and - 

- just, if there's Someone out there, who can - look out for Leareth's soul - make sure Vkandis doesn't eat it or something - can They try? 

Shelyn loves you, little soul <3

???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Vanyel is very tired and very confused and it would be nice if someone would explain to him in small words like he's six what's supposed to be happening right now. It seems like a nice thing, he's not pulling away from it, it's just...he doesn't understand. 

How about he just snuggles with his lifebonded over there and... thinks about music. He isn't up to playing any right now but he can think about it.

....Mm. Okay. It is good that Stef is here, and now he's thinking about that and thus slightly less about how LEARETH IS DEAD AND EVERYTHING IS PERMANENTLY DOOMED AND IT'S HIS FAULT, which is...probably...not true...? Vanyel is still deeply confused about...what even...but the whatever-it-is is very soothing.

He'll try to think about music even though it's sort of deeply unclear to him why that would help with anything; it's apparently just kind of instinctive to do what he's told even if he doesn't at all understand who or what is doing the telling. 

He might be feeling very slightly better? It's hard to tell because he was paying more attention to the GAPING LACK OF YFANDES than his literal physical headache, but maybe the headache isn't quite so bad all of a sudden? 

The Healer assigned to sit with Vanyel right now is also pretty confused! She didn't do anything, and Shavri hadn't told Blai to do anything - it looks like Blai isn't ready to do the spells, Shavri said to expect it to take a candlemark of prayer - but Vanyel's life-force is definitely just a bit brighter, now, she really doesn't think she can possibly be imagining it. 

:...Um, Shavri, can you - I know you're busy - can you just come look at this really fast?: 

What the fuck is it this time. 

Shavri is NOT IN THE MOOD for any more things but it doesn't matter what she's in the mood for, does it. She'll slip over for ten seconds to look at Vanyel– oh, that's not an emergency, why in the world did the junior Healer interrupt her if it's not an– ohhhhhh. 

There is one obvious reason for Vanyel to abruptly have more life-force than he has any right to have. It's the same reason Blai does. 

:Van. Hey. If you just got picked by a god then you need to ask for spells. Ask for ones that do healing. Lesser Restoration if you can get it, Remove Sickness if you can only get the first-circle spells. Okay? Can you do that for me?: 

Shavri has no more time or energy to either coax Vanyel along or worry about it. Back across the room to Nayoki. 

What. 

No, that can't be right. Vanyel wasn't even looking for that. He doesn't even know what god this is! He's objectively a really useless person for any god to pick, right? Because he's dying? 

He can't bring himself to pull away from the soothing presence, though, even if he knows he should tell it to pick Shavri instead, Shavri is so much more reasonable and deserves it. 

...is it still there? Vanyel is kind of reaching out for the presence despite himself. It's so comforting. 

Fine. If whichever god this is is really sure that they're not going to regret this decision, Shavri told him to ask for healing spells???

Like he wants to prepare Cures? Because he can but it's a little silly.

Aaaaaaaaaaaah apparently he's doing something dumb and wrong! This is so mortifying.

Vanyel...thinks...Shavri might have told him to ask for something specific and it wasn't Cures, but she told him, like, five or six sentences in a row, that's not even fair, how did she expect him to keep track of all of it when she'd just startled him and then ran off. Aaaaaaah. What if the god realizes now that he's dumb and useless because he's dying and leaves, that would be awful!

....Can he just sort of - think about the problem they have? And get whatever isn't silly? If that's really not how you're supposed to do it or is too expensive or something he can probably manage to get someone's attention and ask but that sounds really hard, and also probably the reason Shavri ran off like that is because someone else is dying even more than he is. 

He might want some of these and maybe this and that too.

Okay. 

....Thank you. Vanyel did not mean to come off as ungrateful. He was just - surprised. And he feels really terrible right now and so was being awkward about it. But he's very, very grateful, and he'll...try to do the best he can to help the god get more of what They want, really... it would help if he had any idea which god but it's too awkward to ask now

He vaguely remembers that Blai needs to pray for a full hour so he's...going to try to stay awake and do that. Maybe thinking about music and snuggling Stef counts? The god seemed to approve of that? 

Yes, that will do <3

Karis is, of course, not fully up to speed on the Heralds' recent planning. She hasn't been invited to any meetings lately. The only person who's actually come to talk to her in the last day, to...explain the situation...is Jisa, of all people, who came in with a look in her eyes that Karis only ever remembers seeing in the eyes of soldiers coming off a year on the front. 

Jisa was light on detail, but she covered the important parts. Leareth is - dead, after some kind of impossibly powerful attack that hit his heavily-shielded underground camp. Vanyel got out, along with Blai, but both are badly injured and Vanyel might not survive.

Iftel is– the barrier is gone, and the entire perimeter of the border is on fire, and Vkandis may not have made a proclamation taking credit for Leareth's death, but it's not hard to piece together, is it. 

Karis has prayed every morning since she was a child, of course. More seriously, since her Sunlord laid a miracle on the scales to take back her kingdom from the corrupt priesthood. She thought there was no limit to what she owed Him, but–

Blai was right. There is a limit.

This was past it. 

It's...lonely. Not having a god to belong to. She misses being able to pray to Someone who she knew was listening, even if Vkandis (almost) never gave any indication of it to her directly. 

It's - the feeling of helplessness, knowing that thousands of people must already be dead - there are towns on the border! - and, most likely, tens of thousands more will die, and she can't even pray to Vkandis about it because Vkandis. Is responsible. 

Vanyel...would say that it's been true all along, that Vkandis was the sort of being and could and would do this, and that it's better to know. Karis...isn't sure. There are men who would never kill, until the right - or wrong - circumstances arose. Are gods like that? If not for the other world, would Vkandis ever have crossed the line in her mind? (Some stupid part of her almost wishes she could go ask Vkandis if He's - okay. It's - if a human king, if Randale, did something like this, to his own country, it would be horrifying, but - that would be a question that came to mind.)

...Maybe. Wanting to kill Leareth wasn't just about the other world. Maybe Vkandis was always willing to go this far, and it's just that without the other world, without Blai, sending the gryphons would have been far enough. 

It's easy for Vanyel to say, who isn't - giving anything up. Who never believed he had a god on his side. 

...Leareth, Karis thinks, must have felt this way every day of his life. Not the...bereftness, necessarily, not the betrayal, however unfair because it's not as though Vkandis ever represented to her that He wouldn't burn down a country that is, after all, His, if it would achieve something He wanted...

...but the aloneness, and the helplessness. Leareth always knew there was no safe harbor for his soul if he ever died. 

He must have been so scared, if he had time to realize he was dying, and it doesn't sound like it was instantaneous. It sounds like it was an ugly death, one she would never wish on her worst enemy, and - Leareth, in the end, was never that. 

Karis' thoughts are going in circles. Stupid, pointless, it won't accomplish anything now, to be up on habit, staring at where the rising sun would be if the sky were clear, her mind going automatically toward prayer and then dwelling on how she has no god to pray to. Dwelling on how even when she thought she did, Vkandis was never the kind of god who would have tried to set this right. Dwelling on how she wishes she could put it right, and she doesn't see how. Her power was never hers in her own right, and it - feels like a lie, now, to even try to claim command over Karse. 

...She doesn't want to give up. She has a daughter, for one, and Arven deserves a better world than this one. Vanyel wouldn't give up, no matter how bereft and betrayed and alone and helpless he felt. Leareth wouldn't give up, obviously, and - someone needs to carry that for him, even if it's something no one else in the world can carry, Karis feels like it's...a little bit her burden, a little bit her duty, for whatever role she unknowingly played in - making Vkandis stronger, so that in the end He could use His strength for this. Iftel deserved a better god. Karis made her choices, and so it's hard to say that she deserved better than the choice she made, however much she wishes it had gone differently. But the farmers and merchants who lived innocently on the border of a kingdom they thought was safe deserved better, and Karis doesn't know what to do, anymore, but Leareth wouldn't have given up just because a problem was hard. 

(Maybe Vkandis deserved better, too, than - whatever set of circumstances panicked Him into this. It really does seem like something done in a panic, even if that's a strange attitude to have toward a god, who isn't even hers anymore.) 

Hello, precious one.

The sun still smiles on you.

...That's not Vkandis?????? Which Karis manages to realize before she can actually carry out her first instinctive reaction, which is to scream, as if yelling for help from the guards outside her suite would do literally anything to help. What was she planning to say to them, exactly. "This god is bothering me, sir," as though Vkandis were a boorish man at a court function? 

Who...is that. Karis has no way of knowing what this other god is like, apart from 'apparently interested in her', which could just mean that They're looking for new followers who come at a discount, because they're lonely and helpless and desperate about no longer having a god they can trust. 

Karis...does not, actually, want to be a follower who comes at a discount. 

She spends several seconds completely frozen on the spot, and then...very carefully and deliberately forms, in her mind, a question. Can Whoever this is tell her anything about Themselves and Their goals and, if possible, what They want of her specifically? 

She is the Sun that shines on everyone every morning just the same no matter what they did in the dark of the night, so long as they will open their eyes to see Her.

Karis is to take all those wishes and hopes and carry them with her, backed by magic.

…Oh. Oh.

If this is a god from Blai’s world with magic to grant her, then - she can save people. She could ask for a Gate to Iftel and go and save people like Blai saved her daughter.

Also, Blai’s world has a lot of gods! That did not sound very much like “I expect you and all of your descendants to worship Me with pain” or whatever it was the Nidal god did, but Karis can’t assume that there aren’t all sorts of gods who wouldn’t meet the standards Karis has just discovered within herself and can no longer unsee. Even if the presence feels warm and wonderful. Vkandis’ presence felt good as well, and that meant nothing in the end.

- she’s grateful for the magic. She hopes she can serve this god well and will do her best. (One of the ways she may turn out not to be able to serve this god well is if she asks Blai and “Sun god” is adequately identifying and the god in question doesn’t meet the standard she apparently has. But - she’ll worry about that when she comes to it. She should talk to Blai anyway, because even if this is a perfectly wonderful god to serve, Karis knows nothing about Their church has no idea what she’s doing.)

It is soooooo easy to pray for Remove Sickness and Lesser Restoration when you have the condition those are intended to treat and it feels like this.

No one dies during that candlemark.

Tran does interrupt her with Mindspeech, which briefly fills Shavri with an intense desire to commit murder, but it’s only to inform her than Joshel apparently managed to be picked as a cleric of Abadar.

 Shavri has no emotions about this, but she quietly recalculates the new maximum frequency of channels she has available. Six has got to be enough even if the Lesser Restorations don’t help quite as much as she hopes.

She has Nayoki’s cot moved so Blai can reach out for the Lesser Restoration without needing to be helped up, as soon as Seldan lets her know that his prayers are complete.

Seldan is feeling less awful than he would expect, actually! Still, to be clear, awful, but not as much worse than last night as he was expecting. 

He’s here with Blai - he really likes watching his Herald's mind in prayer to Iomedae, it's fascinating, though perhaps a bit less contentful today - and ready to tell Shavri as soon as Blai is ready. 

The Lesser Restorations first? Nayoki first? Very well. Iomedae is a goddess of triage and the Healer's an expert and didn't get cooked by Exploding Polity Syndrome. "Lesser Restoration."

Shavri realllllly wanted to get that one handled before having any substantive conversation with Blai so she can let go of this bloody Healing-link, she has the worst reaction-headache of her entire life and has been needing to baby Nayoki along personally for the last twenty minutes because nobody else was managing to get a good link to her after Katten sneezed and lost his. 

She's happy to get Blai's input on the rest before proceeding, though. 

:I think at least Van and Stef need Lesser Restorations before they can get the full benefit of a channel, and I think the channel shouldn’t wait, Nayoki is in a bad way. You and Seldan may be better off waiting longer, you both have more of the - capacity to to hold life-force - and it is dropping, which the Lesser Restorations help with, but it’s not dire. …Oh, I did want to say, in case it’s important, that we think Joshel is a cleric of Abadar now and Van is a cleric of…Someone, he didn’t say and I’m not sure who he was trying for. So we should have another four channels, if I’m right that new clerics still start with two. I don’t know if they’re - interchangeable? Or if a stronger cleric like you can do them better.: