Jun 20, 2019 3:00 AM
Miranda gets lost in an IKEA
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"Telling you that would be a serious betrayal. Suffice it to say that they're no danger to you or anyone else."

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"Okay. If they ever, uh, leave an opening to ask about mentioning them to more people, I'm interested. Can you tell me the - corollaries of your findings, things that someone needs to do or not do?"

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"Be careful looking at patterns. Your ability to speak to me at all makes me hope that this knowledge won't kill you, but in case it will-."

She rattles off an address.

"Before this advanced, we were working on a solution. That's the address of the facility. It's location has been lost. Before I tell you anything further and risk you going the way of everyone else, you need to find some way to get either one of O5 or one of the directors to go to that location."

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"That in itself won't unmake them? Why an O5 or director in particular?"

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"The more I tell you, the more danger you're in. But there is a way to make certain locations safe. You have to have your memory wiped before you leave, but it's how we made as much progress as we did."

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"Okay. I'll write down the address."

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"Thank you," she says seriously.

"Be careful what you do in the meantime. I'd offer to look through whatever you're looking at to remove anything that could lead you to the wrong conclusions, but there are plenty of skips I'm still not immune to."

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"Right. So far I seem comprehensively memetically impregnable but since I have no idea why, no sense in taking unnecessary risk. Can I reach you at this number again later?"

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"Yes. I'm not available constantly, it's a landline, but you can leave a message."

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"Okay. Is there anything else you need to ask or I need to know now?"

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"Nothing as urgent as this and honestly I'm not convinced you're not a skip or a plant from some organization. I'm only telling you this because someone needs to know or we're all horribly screwed."

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"Fair enough. I'll call back another time, then. Bye."

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The line goes silent. 

She's received another reply from the Foundation, in response to her message that the explanation for SCP-947 is nonsensical to her. 

It is an in-depth breakdown of a memetic effect known for making people believe they can fly. It is harmless and relatively easy to combat, a single instance of being proven unable to fly breaks the effect, so was not sent to her. However, it is one of the few memetic effects where they have a comprehensive explanation for how and why it works. The explanation is attached. It supposedly requires extensive knowledge in neurochemistry, more than Miranda has, but she does not need that knowledge to realize that this explanation is as nonsensical as the one for SCP-947. Once again, the logic simply does not follow. 

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She reports that - they only think they know how it works and actually this is all the bullshit of a student who pulled two consecutive all nighters to write a paper for a class they never attended.

Then she sends O5-Kyoya the address directly (mid-high priority) and says that she has reason to believe that he (or another O5 or director) should visit it.

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She doesn't receive a reply to either of these messages right away. 

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The next SCP is SCP-1261 and has no flags. 

SCP-1261 is a memetic contagion that makes those infected believe they have giant bird companions, such as emus, and have had those companions since the age of 13. However, there is some evidence of the birds' physical existence such as claw marks and bedding. 

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She'd like to know more about the tests they've done on this one! Have they tried weighing birds, tried having people send birds behind screens to look at things and report back or otherwise react to the things... Low priority.

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The next SCP, SCP-1314, is also not flagged. 

SCP-1314 is a set of equations that describes the physical behaviors in a simulated universe. Individuals who read the locations and have certain minimum reasoning abilities are then become obsessed with mentally simulating the universe described in the equations. Eventually, the complexity of the universe exceeds the individual's ability to simulate it. They will begin overwrite parts of their mental architecture to gain more room for the simulation.  Eventually they overwrite their involuntary muscular control, resulting in either asphyxiation or cardiac arrest. 

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Huh.

Would they be satisfied with a computer simulation of the universe playing out? Medium-low.

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SCP-1539.

It is flagged as an Iota type infohazard. Iota type infohazards are all powerful, but not known to be immediately dangerous to those affected. There is no known way to get around them, but they do not cause any obvious harm or inability to function in areas unrelated to them.

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She reads.

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SCP-1539 is an area of space, located inside a laundry room, that causes all objects to lose their semantic identity. Individuals are able to identify the object's properties, such as color and composite material, but are unable to use those properties to identify what the object is. Once an object has lost its identity, that identity may reattach to a second object. Once an identity has attached, observers will believe the second object is the first object, despite all evidence to the contrary. 

The documentation describes a light fixture that is obviously a pencil and a washer/dryer set that is obviously a human being. 

 

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Well, she's not in time to save the poor human being, but she comments at low priority the obvious identities of these items and speculates that maybe Wolfram-Alpha or something like it could figure out these tricky conundra if anything ever happens to her. She also asks at slightly higher priority what happens to the sources of these identities - where is the real lamp, where is the real washer-dryer, clearly they didn't just all shuffle amongst themselves -

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The next SCP, SCP-1561, is classified as an Eta type infohazards. Eta type infohazards are infohazards with minor, non-harmful effects. 

SCP-1561 is a crown that must be described in writing as His Majesty's SCP-MDLXI. Any person wearing the crown is viewed as the rightful king by all observers. The wearer of the crown believes themselves to be the rightful king. The effect occurs only when observing the crown directly and can not be transmitted through written material or first hand observations.

During testing three years prior, Foundation Site Foxtrot November was lost to SCP-1561 when testing on a D-class subject went awry. Site Foxtrot November was used primarily to store non-sentient anomalies that do not actively attempt to escape containment, so the loss of life was minimal. The Foundation currently has a containment perimeter around Site Foxtrot November and sends in 'tributes' once a month in return for the King's cooperation keeping the anomalies inside Site Foxtrot November contained. 

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