"You can. Nothing that guarantees results for any particular SCP, but there are patterns."

"Okay, so you stopped using 151 - why are these all numbers, doesn't that get easy to mix up? Why don't you call it memesteel or something?"

"There are thousands. Any system that wasn't numbers would be too difficult to keep track of. Many do have nicknames though. We stopped using 151 when an analyst in a facility with no instances of 151 realized that the rate of casualties and escapes had been increasing at a gradual and predictable rate in seven of our facilities, and that the vast majority of the instances could be attributed to equipment failure. After that, it didn't take long to realize what was going on. It was something we could have caught much earlier, if we'd had the right precautions in place."

"Good for that analyst. What else has been put to use? Perhaps me - I mean - perhaps you toast things?"

"I can't actually think of a way I-" he closes his eyes, sighs, "could be useful."

"In my capacity as a toaster! I wouldn't exactly be a magical asset, though. - that's just so charmingly bizarre."

"In-person exposure to me is actually dangerous over extended periods of time. People start believing they actually are a toaster, which has inevitably tragic results. That's one of the patterns of skips unfortunately, even the charming ones have dark sides."

"Ah. So I never even get to toast anything. Poor me. What else has been put to use?"

"The potential danger isn't the only reason that the use of SCPs is strictly banned. SCP-590 was a teenager that healed the injuries of anyone he touched, gaining the scars of the healed wound and all of the pain from the wound, including when it was initially inflicted and the healing period. He also could heal mental illnesses, transferring the mental illness to himself in its entirety. There is another SCP, SCP-500 which is a pill that straightforwardly restores a person to full health. The foundations supply is small and finite. For a time, SCP-590 was used to heal important foundation personnel. When his cumulative injuries became life threatening, he was healed with SCP-500 and immediately given mental retardation to make him pliable. This cycle repeated itself several times, until it was decided that the supply of SCP-500 was too limited to be used on him and he died of his accumulated injuries."

"Bleah."

"The current consensus is that we so frequently have to compromise our morals already that we can no longer safely walk that line. The only way to prevent future SCP-590s is to commit fully to containment and ban any new use of SCPs for any reason."

"- or just prevent the use of SCPs that seem likely to be people, that seems an equally obvious line. We manage to prohibit slavery and not, uh." She glances around. "Furniture shopping."

"SCP-1609 is a teleporting chair who may or may not be a person."

"What makes it seem personable?"

"Originally, SCP-1609 was a chair that would teleport behind anyone in its vicinity who needed to sit down. It was found by the Global Occult Coalition, who have a general policy of destroying any anomalous objects they find, and put through a wood shredder. It then teleported into the lungs of the members of the GOC, killing them. After that, it, on its own, teleported into one of the Foundation's unused containment cells. It is currently being used as mulch in one of our containment sites and seems happy to remain where it is, as long as it is being used for something. It continues to react violently to anyone who wears uniforms reminiscent of the members of the GOC."

"Poor chair."

He nods.

"SCP-1609's situation is not unusual. There are many skips that may or may not be people."

"Is much of an attempt made to communicate with them?"

"In some cases, yes. In others we avoid communicating at all.  It depends a lot on the specifics, particularly their threat level."

"Examples?"

"SCP-645 is a large marble disk with a humanoid face carved into it. If someone puts their hand into its mouth and lies, their hand will be bitten off. It's purpose seems straightforward and in normal testing it shows no signs of sentience. However, a particularly unusual test showed that it might be capable of forming opinions of people. A test subject who had seen a depiction of SCP-645 in a movie and guessed what it could do, was unusually truthful and described in detail the motivations behind several murders he had committed. SCP-645 spit out his hand and prevented him from re-inserting it. When a scientist involved in the experiment revealed that he had been lying in an attempt to coerce the test subject, SCP-645 revealed the previously unknown capability to attack people at a distance and extended a tongue which severed the scientist's hand. These behaviors could indicate a personality. They also just may simply be built in responses to certain extreme stimuli. It's difficult to tell."

"Huh. - Do skips get depicted in movies, uh, often?"

He shakes his head.

"No, but sometimes myths are founded in reality and that particular movie was based on a local myth that turned out to be true."

"Did the movie get disappeared?"

"No, it had been out for too long and didn't have any anomalous properties itself."