"I am not drunk. I probably have some kind of neuro thing but don't know enough about it to fix it with another brain-chip."

"Ah. Makes sense, brains are complicated. Anyway, enchanted shoes are easier than brain-chips, the ones I'm thinking of just sort of shift your probability so you don't step in such a way as to trip yourself up. Wouldn't help with skating, but you could walk and run and such without any real trouble."

"That'd be nice."

"Yeah. Sally could churn some out in a couple weeks. And given you're helping with the general problems of the world and stuff, she definitely wouldn't feel too put out about it."

"Cool."

"Hello. I'm Cam. Your friend here just had a near-lifetime-coma-experience and I'm having a hell of a time convincing him not to share around information on how to replicate it without slowing down and talking it over."

She relaxes. "Oh, good. I thought he'd decided to introduce me to his boyfriend or something."

"Not my type."

"I don't remember the entity's name. Ari accidentally summoned a random demon - or, let's call me an apsel, you reportedly have different demons here - he accidentally summoned a random apsel. I had the quickest reaction time on this occasion but he could have gotten anybody who felt like going for a jaunt about the mortal realm, however mistaken they would have proven about the identity of said mortal realm, and they would have been delightedly surprised to land ungagged and unbound. If a summoner dies their summoned daeva get sent back, so an apsel who wanted to have some fun would have merely rendered Ari unconscious, and then gone and done whatever. I'm a nice friendly apsel. I am only slightly out of the ordinary for apsels in general but I am a huge outlier as apsels who take summonses go."

"Hey!"

"I didn't expect him to instruct anyone to summon random unbound apsels, but it's not complicated if you have the basic idea."

"Ari not being malicious or an idiot includes not telling people whose immediate reaction to 'this creature is extremely powerful and most would likely put you in a coma immediately' is 'ooh, I want to summon one!'"

"Yes, but Ari's only available example did not put him in a coma immediately. Ari thought his available example was cool. You see my problem."

"You are badly misunderstanding the nature of my roommate. He thinks that everything is 'cool'. That does not mean that he doesn't realize that it is incredibly dangerous. He chooses to be blasé about dangers passed, but believe me when I say that he is fully aware of them. At the very least, he would never do something stupid without consulting me first."

"Sure. Your roommate did not understand that I did not understand the nature of your roommate and started threatening me."

"...Fuck's sake, Ari."

"I felt threatened first!"

"I apologize. He was raised by a sociopath and lacks a mode of socialization that doesn't involve weaponized escalation. He's very sorry, and if I thought it'd help I'd whack him with a newspaper."

"I feel very reassured."

"Anyway. Would you like a cup of something or other? We've got a ridiculous amount of tea, or there's hot chocolate."

"My magical apsel properties include being able to make arbitrary matter. But I'd take a mug, I don't like making new dishes every time I decide to ingest things."