Maybe.

In which case I guess you could try asking again - or differently, sometimes I can get answers with one phrasing but not another.

So he tries it, the next time he has an afternoon free for Kib. I asked you once if you wanted me to show you my memories.

Mmhm.

You seemed conflicted. Aydanci thought maybe I was asking the question the wrong way.

Some things I can remember what I used to think about them and some I can't.

Do you want me to send you memories that might help you remember what you used to think about things?

If you want.

I do. What's something where you don't remember what you used to think about it?

...don't remember, Kib points out.

Have you tried reading your old notebooks? We still have them...

Aydanci asked. I don't want them.

Okay. What's the difference between that and memories?

Memories're far away.

I don't have much of anything from before this scenario started but I can give you anything you're missing since then.

Big gap around autumn of year twelve.

That would be when they did the vow renewal.

He can make the city in his head, the memories are clear enough. Debating whether to do something about people who'd make silly comments. Kib unworried by whether he'd have housefuls of presents.

Sigh.

You'll dream it back. You were very happy and very in love.

Yeah.

He'll be okay if it takes a really long time. He won't be okay if it never ever happens, and we haven't thought of anything the Enemy couldn't pull off. Yet. But we will.

Okay.

Anything more?

Finding where the gaps are is a little hard. I knew that one because Aydanci asked.

I can go over a loose outline of everything since I was rescued? I spent a couple months physically recuperating. At one point in that I - explained to you, the sort of games he plays in the hallucinations, and you told your golem to keep people away from me. We came up with the idea of having me read your notes. I liked that, a lot, but I was worried it meant the Enemy had them.