Is that traditional for humans? It's not typical here but I'm sure you'd be able to find it. We can try to directly address the concerns that'd typical draw you to a monogamous arrangement - stable expectations, not having to compete for affection, I don't know what else people typically worry about - if you have specific ones.

It's common but not universal, I think? I think my monogamy impulses are mostly an ego thing and I can probably train my ego to be very nearly as charmed by other stuff.

It's mostly an ego thing for me too and I've found replacements satisfactory.

Oh?

Well, I have Findekáno's undying devotion and he will do whatever I ask of him that doesn't harm other people, and this is very satisfying, but I of course wholly enjoy his goals and methods and temperament or I wouldn't have wanted him in the first place. So I can get all the satisfaction with only the occasional demand of costly signals of devotion. And while I suppose I'd love to be adored so much my lover never noticed anyone else, monogamy does not seem to actually cause that. And this way resulted in us having you.

Yeah, I have noticed that monogamy does not typically come with that. I think I'll be fine. Helps that I'm a latecomer and did not take very long to attract attention.

Part of getting a sense of people as quickly as I do is that if they are astonishingly valuable people you know it right away, when it's far too soon to be socially acceptable to express attraction even were you Aly at the moment.

Would it have been? What's the rule on that?

Well, we have a concept of 'love at first sight' whose most conventional form is 'I saw them singing and knew we were meant to be together forever', but my father would stop speaking to me if I claimed to have experienced such a thing. Straight people do not have sex until marriage - they can't, it results in marriage - and the engagement period is one Year and you're not supposed to see each other during that, to make sure you've chosen wisely.

...well, now I'm not sure I'm not glad I didn't show up while still Aly, that sounds like a mess on several levels.

Your intimate life would have to be a good deal less interesting, although it needn't have involved any secrets. Should that go on the info sheets?

Yeah, yeah it should. How exactly does sex result in marriage? This is an alternative nonverbal oath swearing method?

Pretty much. Marriage is - you can tell when two people are married, you can see it in their eyes, and they have osanwë over a much greater range and with some additional nuance and detail. I think there's still a verbal or commitment-affirming component but it's easy enough to do by accident that accidental drunk marriages do happen.

...I can't tell, Kib remarks. Possibly because I don't have my own osanwë.

Huh. Okay, good to know. It's supposed to be very nice, being married, but indecorous to discuss beyond 'you'll know someday' which I will not. My father'd probably happily tell you, since you also presumably won't know someday, if humans don't do that.

We do not. Marriage is supposedly one of the few universal cultural habits but its exact details vary a lot, it boils down to some public acknowledgment that people are together but we have to accomplish that nontelepathically.

I'm not sure that's an advantage.

Depends what one thinks of Mandos, really; anywhere from a convenient teleport out of a bad situation and to safety to, well, I personally really really do not want to die and can't imagine that changing.

I mean, I guess I might get a teleport into a fresh childhood but that seems like a waste of time even compared to how long getting over a nasty experience would take me?

Mandos can do revivals faster than a person grows up, if he's so inclined. But yes. I suppose there's also a deterrence aspect, but it doesn't seem particularly effective there.

Oh, yeah, it's presumably faster for you than me to get up and running again, if my reincarnating wasn't a one-off in the first place.

Let's not find out.

Agreed.

Whether Elves can accidentally marry humans would be very interesting but let's also aspire not to figure that one out.