Dramatis Personae:
Mssr Élie Cotonnet, a Mad Galtan, and Aroden Retvrned
Aspexia III, The True Queen of Cheliax
Carlota Arodea Chelam, the Duchess of Guiomar, and Daughter of Aroden
Valia Wain, a Lawful Good Priest of Iomedae
Bernat Vidal-Espinosa, A False Friend to the people
Geryon, A Lord of Hell
Eriape, an Evil Badger-Lyche of No Great Power, Skeleton-Wife of Tarbafon
Various Slips, to be Named Numerically by Order of Appearance
Raimon, A True and Honest Man of Cheliax
Vile Scribe, A Vile Scribe
The Delegates of The Convention: An assortment of People of All Kinds
Mssr Élie Cotonnet: I Shall Call Together a Great Convention, Which Shall Write The Laws on The Hearts Of All Chelish Men, To Bind Them Forevermore To The Path of Freedom and Prosperity. It Shall be a Popular Assembley, In Which All are Represented; But it Shall be Led by my child Carlota Chelam, who shall Tell the People What They Are Supposed To Want.
Carlota Chelam: Thank you Holy Aroden, for granting me this sacred duty. I will not abuse my position in Any Way.
Apexia III: Because I know that All of my People have Good in their hearts, I shall grant them the Freedom of the Pen so that they may write Good Things.
Then, in writings, the people say a great many things, some of them true and just,
Raimon: I am glad that we have the Freedom of the Pen. Her Majesty the Queen is Most Gracious.
One: I hope that someday soon All Slips shall be Free, for that is the Way of Goodness
But also some of them false and evil,
Benrat Vidal-Espinosa: We must send All of the Slips to the Colonies, where everything is Small and Petty and Appropriately Sized for them.
Two: Eat the tall-folk!
And some of them just nonsense,
Eriape: UNGUENTS. obverse power.
Vile Scribe:
Q: Why are you writing in this strange manner?
A: Hell is a place of Kindness where Strange Manners Of Speech are Taught.
Carlota Chelam: I have seen a pamphlet in which it was writ, 'Carlota Arodea Chelam is a disgusting hag!'. I am greatly offended! It was most Unkind! I wish the author to be slaughtered by beasts in the arena.
Aspexia III: Daughter of Holy Aroden, do not be rash or cruel. The people have been given the Freedom of the Pen; you must not punish them for what they have writ, if it is not treason and if it does not inspire vicious murder.
Carlota Chelam, Aside: Damn this queen and her Just Rule! I must find a way to punish those who are Unkind to me, Though They Have Broken No Law.
At the Convention,
Valia Wain: In the name of Holy Iomedae, I say that we must reject all Asmodean Tyrants. But in doing so we must be careful not to harm anyone who is innocent. There are only a few asmodean tyrants, so there should not be any riots or slaughter.
Carlota Chelam, Aside: Damn this woman who condemns Asmodean Tyrants. I have always been envious of Holy Iomedae, who was the favorite of my father Holy Aroden. I wish to see all of her friends and servants destroyed, even the True Queen Aspexia III
Carlota Chelam: Behold, I have summoned a great Fiend from Hell to advise me.
Geryon: I am the Lord of the Fifth. I am the Prinssssse of Heresssssy. I will gladly help you to undermine the True Queen of Cheliaxssss. But first you must ssssubmit and copulate with me.
Carlota Chelam: Long have I desired to engage in debauched behavior with a prince of Hell! Gladly do I do this!
some time later,
Geryon: Ssssso, duchesssss, how shall I aid thee?
Carlota Chelam: I desire to end the Freedom of the Pen, for Some Scribe wrote that I was ugly.
Geryon: Sssssso it shall be.
Carlota Chelam: And also I wish to destroy all servants of Holy Iomedae, because I hate her.
Geryon: I have come to the housssssse of my ssssslave, Bernat Vidal-Esssspinossssa.
Bernat Vidal-Espinosa: How may I ssserve - I mean, serve - my Infernal Master?
Geryon: You must corrupt the wordsssss of Valia Wain, to disssscredit our enemy Iomedae, and end the Freedom of the Pen
Bernat Vidal-Espinosa: As you command, Master. Where she said "do not harm the innocent", I shall rewrite to say "harm the innocent". Where she said "let there be no slaughter," I will rewrite to say, "let there be a great slaughter." In this manner, I shall turn her words of good to words of evil.
Geryon: And then I shall ssssummon up a hosssst of devilsssss to cause a great ssssslaughter!
Raimon: Ah, I see this pack of lies writ by Bernat Vidal-Espinosa. I will not do any violence, for I know Iomedae would not want that, and Bernat Vidal-Espinosa must be some servant of Hell.
A Devil: Oh, I see that good and honest man Raimon. I shall wear his face, and do a great slaughter, and he will be blamed!
Carlota Chelam, Aside: Aha! The excuse I have been waiting for! A great slaughter has been caused by my lover, Geryon, Prince of Heresy.
Carlota Chelam: Oh, delegates of the convention! There has been a great and terrible slaughter, worked by the People of Westcrown. They did this because of the Freedom of the Pen.
Carlota Chelam: I say, because of this, we must end the Freedom of the Pen. Only Lords and Rich Men shall be allowed to ever write anything down. And further, let no Priest of Iomedae ever again speak, for it was the words of Iomedae that stirred the slaughter yesterday.
The Delegates of the Convention: Oh, a great woe! The slaughter was terrible, but can this truly be the way of Justice?
Carlota Chelam: Who is it that Holy Aroden set above you to tell you what to think? Was it not I? Think as you are told!
The Delegates of the Convention: Oh Queen Aspexia! Oh Holy Aroden! We are confused!
Mssr Élie Cotonnet: I see through all Lies. I can be Fooled by No Trickery. I See that my Daughter, Carlota Chelam, has Betrayed Humanity and Consorted With Fiends.
Mssr Élie Cotonnet: Carlota Chelam, you are Banished For-Ever From Existence. Begone!
Carlota Chelam vanishes, for-ever
Mssr Élie Cotonnet: I see now that it was a Mistake to set a Lord above the People and Tell Them What To Think. The People must be Free to Think Whatever Good Thoughts They Will. Only in that way will they write a Just Constitution
Aspexia III: Freedom of the Pen is preserved! Also, I declare that All Slips are now Free!
The Delegates of the Convention: Hooray!
All Slips: Hooray!
Raimon, and all the other Good People: Hooray!
And then the Delegates wrote a Good and Just Constitution, Free from the evil influence of Geryon
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The History and Future of the Chelish Constitutional Convention
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The History and Future of the Chelish Constitutional Convention [Open]
I have never seen a more legal pamphlet!
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