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In a bar, there is a girl.
She looks like she has saved up all of her decadent and slothful impulses for a solid decade and is indulging them all at once. She is sprawled on a couch with a book she's only half-reading, and an ice cream sundae, and smiiiiiiling.
kithabel and milan in milliways
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ertia
ertia
"Well, that's all well and good for him, but I wonder if I can just skip it with magic."
first-and-final
"So, I'm enthusiastic about this. Kithabel, are you enthusiastic about this?"
ertia
"I'm not enthusiastic about the three days of incomprehensible agony, but, you know, can probably magic it away, and the rest of it's appealing. But in case there is some kind of unprecedented interaction with our momentum maybe we should not do it at the same time, you can go first since you're so thrilled with the prospect and it'll take you less time to rebuild from scratch if you have to, and I should spend like, four seconds, of your incomprehensible agony willing it away to make sure that's a thing that can be done, same with the thirst deal."
ertia
"Is there anything else we'd want to know? For instance, why are you offering?"
taste_tester
"I'm a magic nerd. If I keep you around for three days - or call it six, I suppose - then I have all that time to interrogate you about what you've got back home, and then there's always the possibility you'll turn up with something new and exciting after. Dunno if it'll work on people from other worlds but back home sometimes people have magic, and it sometimes gets better after they turn, and sometimes they don't but they do afterwards. Idiosyncratic per-person powers. Called witchcraft."
taste_tester
"I fill up on finest vintage from this kind lady," says the vampire, tapping Bar, "so that I'm in reliable control of my faculties, and then I bite you and the show's on the road."
taste_tester
"Well, it varies. I can reliably pull the trick off, I've done it before, but sometimes vampires try to make more vampires and instead make corpses. Blood's tasty stuff."
taste_tester
"Then you'll have a learning curve before you want to go downtown and inhale but you're all set to handle it and go about your business."
first-and-final
"But we should perhaps test how well sorcery can handle your unquenchable thirst, just to see."