My fellow citizens! I write to you as one who has had the good fortune to perish before House Thrune claimed the throne, and who has now returned to the realm of the living. In my years in Heaven, I saw many wondrous sights, and for the small cost of this pamphlet I will share them all with you, so all may understand the rewards that await them if they behave honorably.

In Heaven there is no need for toil. For in Erastil's realm the weather is always pleasant and suited for growing, the crops never spoil, and all men have a dozen slaves with which to tend the fields. If any man should need a house or other such goods, it rises out of the ground already completed to meet him. There are none of the hardships that plague our mortal lives, from aches to disease to hunger, and every man may rise each morning strong and healthy.

Furthermore, if any should tire of the bounty of Erastil's realm, there are countless entertainments throughout Heaven. Every day there are bloodsports as exciting as any in the Days of Wrath; but even if a competitor is slain, he rises anew the next morning. Every night there is music and drama fit for the finest of theaters, and on holidays captive devils are brought forth to be executed before the crowds of Heaven.

Oh! But do not think that the only pleasures of Heaven are those of mere entertainment. For in Heaven, any man can find a wife as beautiful as a nymph and as wise as a great eagle. She never complains or tires, never nags or makes unreasonable demands, and every night she greets you with a smile.

These things and more I have seen in Heaven! But beware, for as happy as the souls in Heaven are, a thousand times more miserable are the souls in Hell. Any man who wishes to go to Heaven must reject the evils of Asmodeanism -- must deal fairly with those in his employ, show compassion to his lessers, behave humbly in all ways, and submit to the sword of Holy Iomedae. There is no soul so impure that in time it cannot be purified, no evildoer so wicked that he cannot come to know heaven! But beware, for the ever-watchful devils will take advantage of any weakness to pull you to the depths of damnation.

My fellow citizens! I write to you as one who has had the good fortune to perish before House Thrune claimed the throne, and who has now returned to the realm of the living. In my years in Heaven, I saw many wondrous sights, and for the small cost of this pamphlet I will share them all with you, so all may understand the rewards that await them if they behave honorably.

In Heaven there is no need for toil. For in Erastil's realm the weather is always pleasant and suited for growing, the crops never spoil, and all men have a dozen slaves with which to tend the fields. If any man should need a house or other such goods, it rises out of the ground already completed to meet him. There are none of the hardships that plague our mortal lives, from aches to disease to hunger, and every man may rise each morning strong and healthy.

Furthermore, if any should tire of the bounty of Erastil's realm, there are countless entertainments throughout Heaven. Every day there are bloodsports as exciting as any in the Days of Wrath; but even if a competitor is slain, he rises anew the next morning. Every night there is music and drama fit for the finest of theaters, and on holidays captive devils are brought forth to be executed before the crowds of Heaven.

Oh! But do not think that the only pleasures of Heaven are those of mere entertainment. For in Heaven, any man can find a wife as beautiful as a nymph and as wise as a great eagle. She never complains or tires, never nags or makes unreasonable demands, and every night she greets you with a smile.

These things and more I have seen in Heaven! But beware, for as happy as the souls in Heaven are, a thousand times more miserable are the souls in Hell. Any man who wishes to go to Heaven must reject the evils of Asmodeanism — must deal fairly with those in his employ, show compassion to his lessers, behave humbly in all ways, and submit to the sword of Holy Iomedae. There is no soul so impure that in time it cannot be purified, no evildoer so wicked that he cannot come to know heaven! But beware, for the ever-watchful devils will take advantage of any weakness to pull you to the depths of damnation.

My fellow citizens! I write to you as one who has had the good fortune to perish before House Thrune claimed the throne, and who has now returned to the realm of the living. In my years in Heaven, I saw many wondrous sights, and for the small cost of this pamphlet I will share them all with you, so all may understand the rewards that await them if they behave honorably.

In Heaven there is no need for toil. For in Erastil's realm the weather is always pleasant and suited for growing, the crops never spoil, and all men have a dozen slaves with which to tend the fields. If any man should need a house or other such goods, it rises out of the ground already completed to meet him. There are none of the hardships that plague our mortal lives, from aches to disease to hunger, and every man may rise each morning strong and healthy.

Furthermore, if any should tire of the bounty of Erastil's realm, there are countless entertainments throughout Heaven. Every day there are bloodsports as exciting as any in the Days of Wrath; but even if a competitor is slain, he rises anew the next morning. Every night there is music and drama fit for the finest of theaters, and on holidays captive devils are brought forth to be executed before the crowds of Heaven.

Oh! But do not think that the only pleasures of Heaven are those of mere entertainment. For in Heaven, any man can find a wife as beautiful as a nymph and as wise as a great eagle. She never complains or tires, never nags or makes unreasonable demands, and every night she greets you with a smile.

These things and more I have seen in Heaven! But beware, for as happy as the souls in Heaven are, a thousand times more miserable are the souls in Hell. Any man who wishes to go to Heaven must reject the evils of Asmodeanism — must deal fairly with those in his employ, show compassion to his lessers, behave humbly in all ways, and submit to the sword of Holy Iomedae. There is no soul so impure that in time it cannot be purified, no evildoer so wicked that he cannot come to know heaven! But beware, for the ever-watchful devils will take advantage of any weakness to pull you to the depths of damnation.