It's really not much. Cooking for two people isn't any harder than cooking for one, if we're eating basically the same thing.

I don't know much about what they're eating these days or - whether it'll bother me -

Sigh. Yeah, I don't know either. I can find out - I won't be surprised if Tyelkormo notices eventually anyway, they've been looking out for your other siblings, it probably wouldn't hurt anything for them to know? And if it's a problem I can keep cooking for you, it really isn't that big of a deal, we'll figure something out.

I was planning to tell them everything I need, they'll be hurt to learn it indirectly or some other way. Don't have to tell them why.

Okay.

I can be there for that, if it'd help - or not, if that'd be better, whatever you need. And if they can't do it, I will, or help them, or - we'll find a way. Okay? You don't need to worry about it.

Thank you.

She nods, and gets to work on lunch without further comment. She's ... calmer, anyway, by the time it's ready.

Why did I upset you this time?

I hadn't realized you were worried about that, and it's a very reasonable thing to be worried about, and I don't like not having a solution ready. If there are problems, it might not be possible to solve them immediately, and, just - one one hand I understand that this isn't the kind of problem Eldar have usually needed to deal with, and I'm trying not to get too upset about them not just knowing how, but on the other hand that's actually really upsetting, coming from my background. How can they not be ready to take care of people? How can this be such a big deal that it needs diplomacy? There are always people around who'll need taking care of for one reason or another, that can happen to anyone - will happen to anyone, if they live long enough. Except for Eldar that's just not true, so of course this can happen, even though it shouldn't, and I don't really know how to deal with that.

They're really good at taking care of people in some ways. We haven't had to take care of escapees from Angband in a long time and when we did a lot of things were different.

Good at taking care of people in some ways but not necessarily in this way, or you wouldn't be worried about it.

And this isn't just about you - not that that's not bad enough - but it's going to be me needing to be taken care of, eventually, too.

Please don't worry. I have to think about things like whether people will trust me to be making decisions about a war, I wouldn't be worried if the only thing I needed was food prepared for me.

It's still weird and alarming that those might have anything to do with each other in the first place.

I'm sorry I alarmed you.

It's - I'll be okay.

I knew adjusting to a new culture was going to be hard.

I really think this will be less of a problem than you expect. If you can tell people what you need they'll do that, and if what you need is complicated the telling can get complicated but - wouldn't have been for the person I used to be, shouldn't be for you...

Yeah. I guess. I'm used to it just being a background assumption - you don't have to tell anyone, people just look out for each other. So getting into that habit - figuring out how to do a good enough job of noticing, about myself, that nothing goes too wrong - isn't going to be easy, I don't think.

i can try noticing for you, if you like. I think I used to know how to do that.

Can't hurt. I think I'd notice if you were wrong, at least if it was in a harmful way. If - if it's a skill you want to put the effort into. Which I'm not sure you're going to.

It used to be really important to me. I suppose maybe there are more important things now but - I kind of want the things back that were part of who I was. And maybe there aren't more important things.

She nods, takes a moment to consider. All right.

I think when I was good at it, it helped with lots of other things too. 

Yeah. It's kind of ...noticeable, now, that you don't have that.

How so?

Most people really don't like talking about death. Or thinking about it at all.