Even in my world people find death hard to think about, especially the part where it can happen to them and people they care about. If they're already thinking about it, it can help to have something to do, but if they aren't, you can really hurt someone by making it suddenly feel real, especially if they're in a position where they're taking risks that make that more likely to be true.

Probably the best way to do it would be to make a memorial for people who've already died, and let people who're already thinking about it decide on their own what they want to do about that.

I am pretty sure everyone who followed us across the sea knew we'd meet our deaths here, and the Doom sufficed to remind them. But I appreciate your concern for us.

...I am thinking that a lot of our cultural differences may amount to that kobolds treat each other the way the Eldar treat children.

...I suppose that's possible. We don't treat children very differently than we treat adults, in most ways. What are you noticing?

Responding to what you think people's real needs or desires are, rather than the ones they're expressing or deliberately making known to you, trying not to directly say things that are trivial to infer so that people don't have to cope with them if they can't, being really cautious about telling people to do things lest this constitute an excessive exercise of power over them...

Mm... not quite? A lot of that is pretty situational, it's not how we'd usually treat each other. Except paying attention to indirect communication and inferring things, that's important when people don't talk. But on the one hand in a normal situation we wouldn't tell each other to do things at all, and on the other we wouldn't be quite as careful as I'm being here where I'm surrounded by stressed out strangers and don't know what people need me to be careful about. And you're probably seeing more of that from me because I'm a Speaker and because I'm recovering from something myself, too.

Okay. In Valinor we were lied to and things were kept from us for our own good a lot; we are very averse to things that even look like that.

Ah. She considers. I don't think I'm particularly in the habit of keeping things from people... I do think a lot about how to talk about things, to put things in the least upsetting way - it's not the only consideration but it is one - is that too close? Even if it is I think it runs into the problem where 'not that' isn't enough for me to know what I should be doing instead, though.

I also think I used to be careful about how I put things. The difference might be - is the goal to communicate with them in their own language, to ensure that what you want them to known is told to them productively? Or is the idea that they don't merit the information and so it should be told to them, if at all, in a way that stops them from acting on it?

You don't seem to do the objectionable thing, even if you still often are stuck guessing about how to reach my people in their own language and ensure they know the things they need.

Yeah. And I'll get better at talking to them - there really was a communication problem the first time, Findekáno explained what 'lots of questions' means, that's how I understood they were actually being nice to me today. And I don't think I'd ever decide that someone just didn't deserve information - didn't need it, maybe, or would be hurt or would hurt someone else if they knew, but I have a hard time imagining myself failing to respect someone like that.

I think you should also err on the side of giving people information they'd be hurt by, among Quendi.

I have been doing some of that. Watching people hurt hurts me, though, if I'm going to start doing more of it I want to be in a little more stable place first.

Of course. And it's long past time I figured out how to be helpful to that, or at least much less of a barrier to it.

Well, uh.

I'm planning to talk to Findekáno about what we talked about last night, this evening. And I'm pretty sure there isn't a way to put that that isn't going to really upset them. So maybe not today, for talking to them about me?

Fair enough.

He reacts very well to upsetting news, it's one of his best qualities.

Nod. Even so I don't think this is going to be easy.

...I should maybe ask you about that, it might help - it's kind of obvious that you two are or at least were partners, but I mentioned that and they tried to make me think I must be mistaken and I don't know why. It didn't sound like they considered you estranged, at least in that context, either.

We're cousins. Is that not a thing kobolds have?

We don't track family relationships like that, no.

Well, cousins are often very close to each other, among my people. In a completely different way than partners, people'd be upset if you suggested cousins were partners, but the closeness is what you'd pick up on.

Here is a kobold who is really not buying that.

Okay.

In your community emotional intimacy is exclusively reserved for partners?

...no.

All right, fine, she will let it go.

You will hurt people if you suggest their relationships are close or strong because they're sexual. In particular if it's two men, but in general.

She is briefly very confused.

That's not what I was trying to say, I guess there was a translation problem? Partnerships are close and strong and, usually, sexual, but they're only occasionally close and strong because of that.

Ah, yes. Okay. If you say 'partner' people will think you mean 'sexual'. If you say 'best friend' or something then the conversation follows perfectly.

...all right. That still doesn't add up but she really doesn't want to poke at it more directly than that.