It's not that Lilaina doesn't trust herself. She just doesn't trust her body to only move when she wants it to, not when he's in the back of her mind sipping cocktails and giggling at what a cushy new place he's got. (Except Mahjarrat don't drink, don't be silly-- but that's not her thought, probably. She knows what she meant, she doesn't have to qualify her statements like that.)
So she doesn't trust herself, not around Wahisietel (why not, surely he'd be pleased his menace of a brother is dead?) or Azzanadra (he ought to know, doesn't she tell him everything?), or anyone else, not right now, not when she blacked out last time she told someone Sliske was dead (he is dead, she's just breaking down, it was inevitable really-- no. She won't let him derail her. She knows what's in her head.) and she hates not being able to turn to anyone, and she hasn't finished putting back all the earth from last time she let out her frustration but she needs to vent and she's almost entirely sure that's her thought and not his.
So she grabs her rune pouch, grabs a wand, and heads for the front door.
And she takes two steps out and the door closes behind her before she notices outside is not outside, it's a bar.
"Excuse me," Lilaina says to the hopefully not an actual hallucination, more loudly than she probably means to, "what the fuck?"