"Enh, not the word I'd use. Vampires're faster, more capacious, but not more - creative, insightful, we just do more of whatever we were doing before we turned, per second. Smart human is an encyclopedia and a stupid vampire's a big old library of insipid high-def reality television shows. Technically more information in the second one, first is the better reference book."

The Joker giggles.

"Like, Her Majesty's bodyguard - Renata - she's dull as a post. She can, say, find prime numbers in her head better than some computers and better than any human even if you give the human pen and paper, but that's not smart, she's still dull as a post. But she's a post with lots of room in her dull-as-a-post head to fall hard for some dull-as-a-post mate if she ever runs into the right person."

"I love you, sweetie," he says fondly.

"I love you, babe."

"Guess what," he chirps.

"You've won the lottery and we're retiring to the Isle of Wight to raise chickens?" asks Nathan brightly.

Mmm. Squishable. Some squishing should happen, then.

Mmmm. Squishing.

Her Majesty meets them on the side of the highway they're tracing north, teleporting there at a moment when no cars are going by. "Hello again," she says.

"Anything for me to pick up today?" she inquires.

"Yep," he says, and squares her the whole selection again. "Have you been putting 'em to good use?"

"I teleported here, didn't I?" she asks lightly.

"So you did," he agrees. "Anything else?"

"A variety of things great and small. My sister Rosalie is at long last expecting a baby," she offers.

He claps his hands together and beams. "Aww, good for her!"

"She's very pleased. It was her least favorite thing about being a vampire, that she couldn't have one."

"Then I'm happy for her," he says. "That's sweet. You're sweet."

"Thank you. What have you been up to?"

"The very reason I'm still on newly-mated leave," says Nathan, grinning. "The very reason."

"Is your newly-mated leave going to stop?" inquires the Joker. "'Cause let me tell ya, the sex ain't."

"He gets six weeks of no non-emergency work," says Bella. "Then he's on the job again. I'll do my best to accumulate questions in batches, the way I do for Maggie when it's not urgent, so you can block off time to talk instead of being interrupted."

"I can do it while you're sleeping," Nathan says, kissing the Joker's cheek.