"Occasionally," says Bella.

"Poor kid," he sighs.

"He quit showing up after I did," she says. "Of course, I went to college, and he didn't, but now I've dropped out to rule Mars instead."

"Thanks!"

Curiously: "What about his parents?"

"His father's in jail," Bella says. "I helped. His mother lives in a mansion in my hometown, with a housekeeper who I am trying to set up with my dad."

"Jail," he snorts. "Yeah, that'll work."

"Well, he hasn't escaped so far," Bella says, "and if he does, we have magic powers and he does not."

"I killed mine," he says offhandedly. "When I was, mm, fifteen?"

"That doesn't surprise me overmuch," says Bella. "Both of them or just him?"

To answer this question as concisely as possible, he makes a blowing-up motion with his hands and adds the appropriate sound effect.

"Mm. Mine's parents divorced rather acrimoniously as soon as there were public allegations. I've always found Judith sort of vaguely inoffensive. But I can understand not caring much if she was collateral damage."

"Yyyep," he says, "that sounds like mom. Never says a word as long as he can keep it under wraps, but once it gets out there—abandon ship!"

"At the trial she said she was afraid he'd turn on her," Bella says.

He shrugs. "Maybe she was."

"At any rate, Alice mostly doesn't live with her anymore. Hangs around the house sometimes - he's fond of the housekeeper, she's neat - but I made him an underground lair where he hangs out and bakes and sews and sets himself on fire."

The Joker flashes a quick, appreciative grin. "Sounds like the life."

"He likes it," Bella says cheerily.

"I'll bet he does." He smirks slightly. "So are you two...?"

"Oh, he fell in love with me way back in February," says Bella. "Then over the summer we zoomed around Europe a bit and I decided to kiss him on top of Mount Everest and start referring to him as my boyfriend to random people to whom such a reference might be called for."

"...Yes?" Bella laughs. "Not in the habit of doing either of the above with anybody else."

"We-ell, you could just be after him for his pretty face."