View Flat HTML
View Metadata
Search Post
Bella thinks and thinks and thinks. It takes some getting used to not to have to write everything down in order for it to be where she left it when she wants it again. [You going to school today?] she asks Alice, when the time he arrived yesterday has been and gone.
Because that would make some of the thinking she has to do easier, and some of it trickier.
+ Show First Post
self_composed
self_composed
[And while I go I'll need to work on figuring out how to scale everything. I can't personally be everywhere, and self-duplication, while probably within hex range, is not something I wanna touch right now.]
self_composed
[...Ah. That.]
Pause.
[So, previous occasions you've been in pain while I've been around - the first time I was outright asleep, the second time I had my eyes closed. But it turns out that your face does really interesting things when you hurt.]
Pause.
[So, previous occasions you've been in pain while I've been around - the first time I was outright asleep, the second time I had my eyes closed. But it turns out that your face does really interesting things when you hurt.]
edgeofyourseat
[Huh,] says Alice.
[Interesting like hot?]
That is unexpected and intriguing! He does love it when Bella surprises him.
[Interesting like hot?]
That is unexpected and intriguing! He does love it when Bella surprises him.
self_composed
[Although actually come to think of it you didn't make the same faces when you were getting beaten up. You were too busy laughing your ass off. Presumably there's some distinction there I have yet to come up with.]
Pause.
[Yes. Like that.]
Pause.
[Yes. Like that.]
edgeofyourseat
[Huh!] he says, and smiles, and comes to an invisible hovering halt over his lair.
[So,] he asks, because he wants to know the answer and not because he is trying to suggest one, [whatcha gonna do about it?]
[So,] he asks, because he wants to know the answer and not because he is trying to suggest one, [whatcha gonna do about it?]
edgeofyourseat
[Okay,] he says agreeably.
It would certainly make the pain powers thing extra fun, but not if she doesn't want to do sex things with him, which last he heard she didn't. So there's that.
[Lemme know when you do?] he asks as he swoops into the rock and touches down at the top of the stairs.
It would certainly make the pain powers thing extra fun, but not if she doesn't want to do sex things with him, which last he heard she didn't. So there's that.
[Lemme know when you do?] he asks as he swoops into the rock and touches down at the top of the stairs.
self_composed
[Okay. Urgh, it's complicated. I told your parents that generally I don't date, and that's true, and there would have been cultural scripts to follow if I'd gone to college and met someone there like my original not-necessarily-taking-over-the-world plan went, but cultural scripts so do not have ways to handle magical me and my pet masochist.]
self_composed
[Cultural scripts are useful. Usually when I decide to discard one I have a better idea than this of what exactly it is I'm trading away for what exactly else.]
self_composed
[Predictability - which is important for saving cognitive work. Being on the same page with everyone else so you don't spend your entire life explaining what you're doing or confusing the people around you. Various psychological benefits of ritual and conformity - I bet I know what you'll have to say about those, but they exist, we're mammals even if you're a mutant one. Face-saving. Building narrative of self. Social lubrication. Seeking relevant role models.]
edgeofyourseat
[I am completely a fucking mutant,] says Alice, dropping into his comfy armchair. [And the only way I am ever gonna follow a cultural script is by accident. Doesn't seem like you hate that so far.]
Thoughts of Bella hurting him have been replaced by much more important thoughts of whether she feels that she is making a tradeoff just by keeping him and his mutant nonconformity around, and whether she feels that tradeoff is worth it.
Thoughts of Bella hurting him have been replaced by much more important thoughts of whether she feels that she is making a tradeoff just by keeping him and his mutant nonconformity around, and whether she feels that tradeoff is worth it.
self_composed
[You are a very useful and mostly tractable pet masochist and have happened upon me in a situation where I can really benefit from having a pet masochist. But of course there's a tradeoff. Practically everything everyone does is a tradeoff - of that use of time and attention against other possible uses of time and attention, if nothing else. Being more-than-just-friends with you - in secret or openly - would be a costlier tradeoff than just being your friend, so I have to think about it, even though as you can probably guess from the fact that I hang out with you and allow myself to be known to hang out with you, being just-friends is plenty worth it.]
edgeofyourseat
[I don't get it,] he sighs.
He doesn't get, specifically, why it would be a costlier tradeoff; he does not feel that there is any kind of natural barrier between those two states, except for inclination, and evidently she has at least a little of the relevant inclination.
[But okay.]
There are plenty of things in the world that he doesn't get, and they continue to exist and work just the way they do regardless of how well he does or doesn't understand them.
He doesn't get, specifically, why it would be a costlier tradeoff; he does not feel that there is any kind of natural barrier between those two states, except for inclination, and evidently she has at least a little of the relevant inclination.
[But okay.]
There are plenty of things in the world that he doesn't get, and they continue to exist and work just the way they do regardless of how well he does or doesn't understand them.
self_composed
[As an example? Charlie would want to know if I were dating someone, by his or my definition of that. If he found out that I was dating someone without telling him, he'd be hurt. He'd also assume I was ashamed of the relationship or that I'd expect him to disapprove, and so he'd have a higher than usual expectation that it might be with someone who was smacking me around or something. Even if he didn't find out, I'd be going behind his back, which I don't like. And telling him upfront has other results - he keeps a closer eye on you, he feels the need to go over the birds and the bees with me even though Renée already did that when I was ten, maybe he wants to know details about our secretive magical doings because he's suddenly concerned I'm involved in something way over my head and knows it's got something to do with you and you suddenly have new significance in his mind.]
edgeofyourseat
Huh. Okay, that makes sense.
It's still really weird, though, but for different reasons. There is no one in Alice's life he feels obliged to tell things; he wants to tell Bella everything, as an incidental part of wanting her to read his mind, but that's kind of different. And he doesn't concern himself particularly with the consequences. Even though if he ever wanted to, say, commit murder, she probably wouldn't let him. There is no one he could possibly want to kill more than he wants to let Bella read him.
On reflection, that's not a heartening analogy. He laughs.
[And hurting me while I make hot faces counts as dating?] he clarifies.
It's still really weird, though, but for different reasons. There is no one in Alice's life he feels obliged to tell things; he wants to tell Bella everything, as an incidental part of wanting her to read his mind, but that's kind of different. And he doesn't concern himself particularly with the consequences. Even though if he ever wanted to, say, commit murder, she probably wouldn't let him. There is no one he could possibly want to kill more than he wants to let Bella read him.
On reflection, that's not a heartening analogy. He laughs.
[And hurting me while I make hot faces counts as dating?] he clarifies.
self_composed
[It would at least be uncomfortably nearby,] Bella says, [under the circumstances.]
And:
[There might exist circumstances under which I'd let you kill somebody, but they'd be pretty unusual and a lot of them probably wouldn't fall under the legal definition of murder.]
And:
[There might exist circumstances under which I'd let you kill somebody, but they'd be pretty unusual and a lot of them probably wouldn't fall under the legal definition of murder.]
edgeofyourseat
[Well, whatever,] he says, cheerfully. Neither hypothetical pain nor hypothetical murder is something he feels that he needs. He has no problem waiting for Bella to figure out what she wants and then abiding by that decision, whatever it happens to be.
edgeofyourseat
[Yep,] Alice agrees.
The list of things he really gives a shit about is very, very short and Bella is near the top of it. Of course that's convenient for her. He likes that it is convenient for her!
The list of things he really gives a shit about is very, very short and Bella is near the top of it. Of course that's convenient for her. He likes that it is convenient for her!
self_composed
[Maybe I'll just sit on this until I go to college after all. I'll be less answerable to Charlie then, and will have had more time to settle into being a magical wishcoiner with a pet masochist.]
Pause.
[I wonder if I should look into starting college early. I could take some AP tests...]
Pause.
[I wonder if I should look into starting college early. I could take some AP tests...]
edgeofyourseat
[And you've got a perfect memory and you can make yourself good at whatever you want, so it's not like school's ever gonna be hard,] he points out.
self_composed
[Yeah. I think I want a basically unremarkable public face until further notice, so I don't want to overdo that sort of thing, but yeah.]