He isn't really in the habit of going for walks often, but the leaves have just finished coming in and it's actually solidly nice outside. So, out he goes for the first uncomplicatedly enjoyable walk of this year. It's nice, and everywhere he walks has memories. Not always the best memories, but- it's a nice walk nonetheless.The air is crisp and clean, the sun is shining, and wind through the leaves sounds like home, somehow.

It's around an hour before he's home, returning to his room and his desk and his oh-so-cherished computer. It isn't the best of its kind, but it's good enough, and it's the portal through which he's connected to All The Media. The desk is rather less important, all considered.

A pretty pink floral-pattern diary with a nice dust cover and a magnetic latch sits on the desk.

That sure wasn't there when he left.

Did someone break in and leave a notebook on his desk?

No, wait, there was that story of that guy who was leaving notes for himself and not realizing due to a carbon monoxide leak, he clearly has carbon monoxide poisoning. He will grab the notebook and relocate to the balcony where the carbon monoxide can't get him, and then make more choices once he's not possibly five seconds away from passing out and dying.

It takes a little bit after he gets out for him to remember that his smoke alarm does in fact work for carbon monoxide.

It could be broken? What else- he has his phone. It is time to google carbon monoxide symptoms and what to do.

Well. He's already outside and getting fresh air. The door's closed, so if the apartment was filled with the stuff he'd still be fine. Also, there isn't actually anything in his apartment that could produce the stuff. There's probably a boiler at ground level heating the water, he guesses, but that's actually quite a ways away and the hallways are constantly getting the air in them cycled out ever since covid. It's probably not carbon monoxide poisoning. Did he forget to lock the- oh. Of course. He forgot to lock the door, and one of the children who he occasionally hears running up and down the hallway explored his apartment and left their notebook on his desk.

It's not carbon monoxide monoxide poisoning. It's never carbon monoxide poisoning.

He'll open the notebook up to look for the handwriting of small people and carefully not actually read it if it looks like a diary. Even tiny children who have broken into his apartment deserve privacy.

The page is blank, for a long moment, and then words in sparkly pink handwriting dotted with hearts form on the page. 

Hi! Sorry for the surprise! Normally you'd buy me or discover me out in public, but you don't really hang on to notebooks that look like I do, so the Spirit had to cheat a little.

THE CARBON MONOXIDE FOLLOWED HIM OUTSIDE

Wait. No. That. That doesn't make any sense.

But what if he only thinks that because of the CARBON MONOXIDE, WHICH FOLLOWED HIM OUTSIDE?

No, it still doesn't make sense. Also-

Forty-three times nineteen equals forty-three times twenty minus forty-three equals four-hundred-thirty times two minus forty-three equals eight-hundred-sixty minus forty-three equals eight-hundred-twenty minus three equals eight-hundred-seventeen and into his phone calculator goes the same question and- yes, he's right.

Okay. The carbon monoxide did not follow him outside.

Which leaves him instead looking at a magic definitely not magic notebook that is cleverly impersonating a magic notebook. But, well, absent anything else he might as well play along?

I appreciate the apology, I was, uh, rather startled. The Spirit?

And then he waits to pay very close attention to what the reply looks like, when it appears. Maybe he'll be able to see- pixels, or something?

Ink swirls visibly across the page and into another line of text. 

Yes, the ~♡~ Spirit of Femininity Unleashed! ~♡~

She's sent me to help you to become as beautiful, powerful and special as you want to be in your very heart of hearts. Would you like to see the powers she's offering? They're very ~♡~ neatly formatted ~♡~ 

Blink blink.

What.

That was. Not on his list of possible responses.

Femininity? That's- odd.

Also, there were no pixels. And- he lifts up the page that that writing just appeared on. Is it just regular paper, as far as he can tell?

As far as he can tell, it's completely regular paper!

That really does rule out most ways a person could be doing this.

Also, femininity?

Well, for now-

Sure!

He feels kind of guilty about adding an exclamation point of misleading happiness when actually he's mostly just confused right now, but it's not actually some sort of terrible sin. If the notebook is actually a magic notebook it will forgive him, probably.

Okay! Give me just a second!

A little hourglass icon filled with violet ink appears and turns over a few times on the page. 

Here you go!

A neatly drafted set of words appears below. It's clearly hand-written, though perhaps done with the help of a straightedge and a draughtsman's skill at lettering. 

A preamble paragraph before the main list reads,

These powers are offered under an aegis of metanarrative protection. Anytime you might expect a power to have obvious negative side effects, like glowing eyes making it harder to see, it simply won't—you'll be able to see just fine anytime it actually matters, while having dramatically hazy vision at cool, narratively appropriate moments. This doesn't apply to your own preferences about the explicitly described effects of the power; if you don't want to be Well Endowed, the metanarrative cannot protect you from choosing that option and having to live with it.

After that it gets long.

Okay, so someone set all this up to what, prank him with a CYOA? That really just doesn't make sense.

Also there's all that bit about feminine beauty in the first few options and he should probably think about that and how he feels about it. But after he's determined whether he's buying this at all, which realistically he's not going to end up doing because in real life if you conclude something is magic you're wrong. Yeah, sure, theoretically he exists in a superposition of lots and lots of different hims in lots of different universes some of which are going to be ones wherein the notebook is legit, but if you let that convince you that magic is real and in front of you you're using the concept wrong. Everything adds up to normality, in expectation.

So, what would a non-magical notebook definitely not be able to do? Blatantly break the laws of physics. He should- well, actually, is he gaining anything from whoever's behind the notebook not knowing he's suspicious? Not really. So-

I'm finding myself a bit suspicious that you're not a real magic notebook and someone is playing a prank on me. Is there any obviously physically impossible thing you could do, like levitating? Or is it just appearing text?

Um... I can rearrange my pages? I have as many pages as I want, though only the number that fits in the physical book can fit at a time. Normally the people I visit find that that and the writing is enough. 

Okay, changing the number of pages would in fact be conclusive, if that changed the book's mass. Something very deeply odd would have to be occurring for that to make sense. The writing also kind of stretches plausibility, but Literal Magic does that more.

Okay, could you make the number of pages in your book as low as they can be, for a moment, and then as high as they can be?

While the notebook does this he will be very carefully feeling for the weight of the notebook in his hands. Does it change?

The notebook goes down to having a single page in it, and then up to its full complement of 200 again. The shift in weight is pretty obvious. 

Well. That's.

Magnets? He's not sitting on anything magnetic, right now. He isn't magnetic. A magnet strong enough to, from the distance of the balcony below him, be making the notebook feel heavier and lighter- it's not possible, he thinks. He could be wrong? But. Also, the book is clearly not metallic- wait, he should go inside, grab something magnetic, and hold it in one hand while the notebook changes weight in the other. He goes in, grabs a spoon, and returns.

Could you really quickly do that again?

Does the spoon's perceived weight change at all?

Sure!

The notebook's weight changes and the spoon's doesn't at all. 

Oh.

Well, he's in one of those vanishingly unlikely worlds, then.

He still doesn't deep down believe it, he thinks. The world doesn't feel any different, and it really really should. So he probably doesn't really believe it, in his bones.

But his bones don't need to believe it for him to move along, so rather than try to persuade his bones he's going to just start actually thinking. And reread that bit about metanarrative protection at the top. That being a thing- well, it could be a lie. Magic existing doesn't guarantee truthfulness on the notebook's part. But if it's true it means, what, the world he's in is going to be globally selected? Wait, no, there's an option for "stay home", it can't be that. No, it's "Stay Put", actually, but the exact name doesn't matter, what does is that it rules out his first guess. He should really just ask, shouldn't he?

That bit about metanarrative protection, what does that mean? Is it like- I can imagine myself as a character in a work of fiction, and things in the story are going to work out such that things are Just Going To Be Convenient?

Exactly! Everything will work out to be maximally convenient within its concept. You can turn that off with one of the drawbacks if you really want to, though.

Turning it off sounds like possibly a very bad idea, but maybe the abilities aren't the kind of thing that might make that completely untenable? He'll keep the option in mind as he's checking things over in more detail now that he's accepted this whole this is real or real-adjacent.

Well, Isekai Roulette is higher expected-value, so that's what he'll pick. This world plausibly has an expiration date, and he'd like to go somewhere that doesn't. Hopefully he'll be able to come back and nab everyone from here that he cares about, eventually. Or even remove the expiration date. Or- wait, can he do something clever and- he'll ask the notebook if it will work. Also, it's suddenly starting to feel weird that he doesn't even know if the notebook has a name.

Um, notebook? Do you know if I could use Somewhere In Mind to pick "Wherever Isekai Roulette would have put me, but guaranteed to include the ability to eventually learn a way to come home without any time passing"? Also, um. Do you have a name? Sorry for not asking that earlier, it suddenly feels a bit rude of me.

If you want to be guaranteed to be able to come back with no time passing, Isekai Roulette will put you in a situation like that. 

I don't have a name yet. You could give me one!

Oh. Isekai Roulette will just do that? That's.

Oh, that's hope that he's feeling right now.

That things are actually going to turn out okay, somehow.

Okay. His bones seem to have been persuaded. Time to take this seriously.

How does he get as much as he can out of this? Seventy points, a whole pile of options, and an actually friendly world-selector. If he can't secure an honestly-to-goodness Good End for himself with all of that he should just hand in all of his pride right here and now.

First, though-

Do you want me to give you a name?

It depends! If it would make you more comfortable then yes. 

Hmm. Would it? Or- wait, no, picking permanent things is kind of terribly unpleasant. He will spend the next six hours agonizing over a name if he decides it is notebook-naming-time.

I will maybe do that later, since if I do it now I will end up spending all day agonizing over names. And names are important! If I pick one for you I shouldn't do it without thinking about it.

Alright! Would you like to talk about the powers more then?

I would! Let me just read through things a bit and I will ask questions as they come up.

And through he reads! Isekai Roulette has been picked. Hmm, what decision criteria should he use, here? Just taking a quick glance makes it look like the amount of points she has relative to what there is avilable to purchase isn't that low. He can probably actually get most of what she wants. Well, he'll go through and add up a tally of everything he doesn't really feel is negotiable, and then go back over things and get the nice bits.

Or, that's his plan, anyway. And then he sees it again.

Name: A Thousand Ships - Cost: 1 ☐
Your face is simply exquisite, an ideal of feminine beauty. There are many possible ideals of feminine beauty, and yours is whichever one speaks most deeply to your soul. Others may match your beauty in their own way, but never exceed it.

That text. The fact that this whole thing is being sponsored by the spirit of femininity unleashed. And suddenly he has a few more questions he wants to ask first.

Actually, before I start on that. Could you tell me a bit more about the Spirit of Femininity Unleashed? What presumably-she wants, why she's doing this whole thing. What kind of person she tends to give notebooks to. Things like that.

The ~♡~ Spirit of Femininity Unleashed ~♡~ wants every person who's willing to embrace femininity to live the special, deep and fulfilling life that they've dreamed of, where they get to be cool and valuable and important. 

Usually she gives notebooks like me to people whose lives could be transformed the most by her powers, and who are "open" to her gifts in how they express themselves and move through the world. It's metanarratively guaranteed that the first person to write in me is the Spirit's chosen target. 

Oh. Willing to embrace femininity? Is he? Does he want to be a girl, if he can be?

It's. Actually kind of non-negotiable that girl-him have literally every single body part current him has, yes including that one. The idea of having bits of him no longer be bits of him is kind of incredibly viscerally displeasing. But- it kind of sounds like the Spirit has some sort of metanarrative guarantee that he's willing to embrace femininity. So. If being willing to embrace femininity doesn't mean willingness to embrace Sudden Body Part Absence, does he want to embrace femininity? Does he want to be a girl?

Flashing through his mind, memories.

Someone writing somewhere that wondering whether you're trans is a really substantial piece of evidence that you might be, and him thinking- yeah, but not for me.

Feeling a sudden flash of happiness when a stranger mistakes him for a girl from behind. Coming to the conclusion it must be because it means his long blond hair must be nice.

That time he dated a lesbian girl who pretty frequently said, you know, you're different, if I had to pick a guy I'd pick you.

The way he's so happy that the flavor of handsome he is is really best described as pretty.

The way that, when he was literally three years old, he used to wistfully imagine a giant set of conveyor belts that would turn him into a girl-

How has he not realized before now that he wants to be a girl? He's actively considered the question of whether he was trans! Why has he always come up with the wrong answer?

More memories. Picking a male character in every game he ever played. Trying out a female Warden in Dragon Age: Origins to romance Alistair and finding it feeling somehow Wrong. His actually non-negotiable attachment to All His Body Parts. His actual visceral joy in his body, during that period a few years back when he managed to become Actually Fit. All of those years being a man, inhabiting that role, and it really genuinely not being all that uncomfortable for him.

He doesn't, actually, want to lose his dick. And he doesn't want to end up- thin and dainty and looking vaguely like she's somehow managed to animate herself with magic on account of clearly not having any muscle.

He wants to keep all the bits of himself he can, and maybe grow some small breasts, and be pretty and cute and allowed to be all the things girls are allowed to be and-

Had he just not realized that this was an option, before now?

But it is, now. He can-

She can be a girl, if she wants to be.

Warmth fills her up, and she feels, suddenly, like a weight on her shoulders has been lifted.

She wants to share this with someone, suddenly. So, she writes in the notebook.

I just realized I'm a girl! Or I want to be a girl. You know what I mean. I- do things like this happen often, with people that get notebooks like you? Also, um, thank you for telling me things and answering the question I asked.

It's happened a few times before!

You don't have to be a girl to be able to embrace femininity, just so you know. But if you want to be a girl, then you absolutely can be.

Oh. Huh. She's kind of glad she didn't ask that question before she had The Realization. Might have prevented it.

It does, actually, help, though. It feels nice to have more options. She wouldn't want to have to always be a girl to have her extraordinary magic powers.

She wouldn't?

Apparently not.

Is she on some sort of endless self-realization spiral? If so, should she immediately attempt to jump straight to the end right now? Where would the end of the spiral be?

THE END OF THE SPIRAL IS THE REALIZATION THAT SHE HAS CARBON MONOXIDE POISONING

No, brain gremlins, she will not indulge you more at this time.

Okay. Looking at her brain for a moment it kind of doesn't really feel like there's an obvious end of the spiral? Or, well. Actually. If she just- looks through instead of flinching away-

She's unsatisfied with her current socially isolated life and mostly still in it because she's too socially anxious to reach out to people.

Ow. Okay, yeah, that one hurt a bit. But, good news! She has found the end of the spiral and thus speedrun personal development!

Thinking that in joyful tones is kind of not actually helping.

Okay, wallowing in her new Realization is also not going to be helpful, and definitely informs the choices she should be making in her build. She should probably start looking that over? But not before quickly writing

Thank you for letting me know, I appreciate it. If I can get something that lets me shapeshift I will probably not actually end up spending all of my time girlshaped, but- lots of it. Almost all, probably.

She guesses that makes her some flavor of nonbinary, actually?

Whatever your heart desires. ♡

Awww! The notebook is A Good. She is pleased by the notebook, and would like to be its friend.

But! For now! She must move along to actually considering her build! For this is wise, and endless navel-gazing is not!

So. What lens should she be considering what's negotiable through? Well, she wants as wide a possible range of worlds to land in, so Isekai Roulette can give her as good of one as possible. She wants to be able to make a difference in her new world, to really matter. She wants to find people who like her, and who she likes. She wants to actually, for real, not be alone. She'd like to get to have the body she wants to have, simply and straightforwardly. So- not, on her first-pass, literally just the things she'd die without. In her quick skin before it looked like costs were low enough relative to how many points she had that getting a Basic Package shouldn't be anywhere close to out of reach. And if it is she can just start over.

Of course there's the obvious Somewhere In Mind option of "somewhere with a friendly AI and the ability to teleport home" which would just Instantly Solve Her Problems, but if the Spirit has a definition of friendly that is only mostly hers that ends in Maximum Disaster so how about instead she not do that. If the Spirit had exactly her values it would be, uh, Fixing Every Universe In Reach and not giving a small number of people notebooks that only maybe resulted in saved universes. There's obviously some delta here, even if the Spirit is in fact being nice to her in a way that indicates that it's probably at bare minimum pretty okay. But anyway, it's an option, eventually heading out to nab something like that after having some ideas on a way to do it that isn't the stupidest possible way is going to be included in her Isekai Roulette draw, if the friendly notebook is being as honest as it seems.

So! On to her options!

A Thousand Ships and Personal Hygiene are cheap and going to be really nice to have. They're obviously worth getting. Immunity System seems absolutely necessary. Immunity to poison opens so many more options! Complete immunity to one of the main ways she could maybe be assassinated! Not being assassinated sounds great. Also it would make her immune to carbon monoxide poisoning. Hollow Leg looks like it maybe gives her agelessness? That's kind of incredible.

Notebook friend? Am I right that Hollow Leg would let me not age? That sounds really, really good.

If you don't want to age, Hollow Leg will stop it! It maintains your body actively according to what you want. 

Okay. So that one is absolutely sticking around. Also, it gets her the shapeshifting she wants, so double yes. But the bit where she's immune to old age really is the headline item.

Battle Maiden kiiind of looks like she could hop into any universe and be guaranteed to be tied for scariest entity in it? At least in direct single combat, which is admittedly a pretty substantial caveat? And it and the prereqs add up to kind of a lot of peace of mind from anyone attempting to kill her the old fashioned way. They should definitely be added, which means she needs to add five to the running total of the point costs she's got going on her phone's calculator. Onward to more choices!

Actually, looking up for a second, Inner Strength gives her super strength for only three points, now that she's picked the prerequisites. Strength is actually kind of incredibly important in a fight, if she's as skilled as anyone she's fighting being stronger would make it more likely she'd actually win. Well, provided her assumption that Battle Maiden would be upskilling her is true, but it doesn't actually say that, it says she'll be a match for anyone, no matter how skilled. It probably actually works through metanarrative.

How does Battle Maiden, like, work? Is it- miraculously increased skill for as long as I'm fighting anyone I need that skill to stalemate? Or is it broader ranging than that and more metanarrativey? Would taking Inner Strength along with it be a waste, or the kind of thing that would make it actually much more likely I'd win fights against scary people?

Battle Maiden ensures that whenever you have a fight, it'll be one that's on an equal playing field for you - one where you have even chances to win. If you're going after someone that's massively more skilled than you, you might find advantages through luck or skill, power up for the fight, or avoid the fight altogether. Plausibility still gets a say, though, so if you have combat skills or powers of your own you're more likely to get powerups or advantages and less likely to just duck fights you "ought" to lose. 

Okay, that looks like the super strength is in fact a substantial advantage. Onto the list it goes! "+3" is plugged into her calculator app. Making Ends Meet is enough to ensure money doesn't impinge on her time. She'd like to have more money, of course, but longer-term she should be able to turn her fantastical powers into money. Dragon Elf Fairy Witch is lovely. So many potential powersets! And the things she's getting her powers from don't need to even be capable of having children at all. If she lands in a fantasy universe she should be able to use this in all sorts of fun ways, and in a scifi one it could probably still come in handy! Realistically though she's going to land somewhere with magic, magic is cool. And if there are gods around, which there probably will be, being a demigod sounds kind of nice. Omniglot means she doesn't need to worry about language barriers. Anything You Can Do means she'll be able to learn things so quickly! She has so many things she wants to learn! And if she makes a bunch of new friends she'll be able to learn lots of them! And- honestly, her insecurities are going to be very salved by magically-guaranteed quick-learning. She- actually tends to learn pretty quickly already, but now she knows that she'll look impressive to anyone she's learning from.

Actually. It's. Kind of sad, to have her own skills so overshadowed by what the notebook gives her? Not by enough to make her not want the ability. It's just- she'll never have the ability to feel like her impressiveness when learning from people she's close to is really hers- wait. That metanarrative aegis. Does that apply here, or is this problem too directly part of the nature of the power?

Does that bit about the powers being offered under an aegis of metanarrative protection mean I should expect things like "Anything You Can Do" to get out of the way for a moment if I want to check how good I'd be at learning things without the ability?

Not natively, but I can make a version that does that!

Ooooh. Part of her really wants to just ask for a toggle attached to literally every single ability she has, but is that actually a good idea? Hmmm. You'd think it'd be pure upside, since it's just an increase in the option-space, but having the option to get pressured into lowering her poison defense might not be a good idea? Well, she can always just keep the ability to do that a secret, and there was an ability in here to prevent mind-reading- yep, there it is, Closed Book, literally the next power on the list and only one point. It and Indelible and Iron Will are obvious perks to take as well, and if customizing powers is on the menu-

Could I ask for my power-ups to be toggleable on and off? Obviously not for things where that would actually make me more powerful, turning on and off A Thousand Ships would be Free Shapeshifting and so probably cost points. But, say, be able to temporarily turn off my super strength from Inner Strength or my mindreading immunity from Closed Book? Or my mind control immunity from Iron Will?

She blushes a bit. She, um, may in fact have kinky reasons for wanting to be able to turn off the mind control immunity. Wait! Wait! These powers are friendly and narrativey, she can probably ask-

And, um, actually could I have a toggle that only works for actually-friendly mind control for Iron Will? Is that allowed?

I've been asked for abilities like that before!

Let me see...

A little hourglass filled with violet ink appears on the page and turns over a few times, then a new power fills in.

Name: Selective Soul - 3 pts 

You can actively turn on and off the effects of any power (but not any drawback) you have that would normally act automatically. 

How's this?

That's great! Thank you so much! I'm definitely taking that!

On to the friendship powers! Mysterious Allure is appealing, she'd like it if she got to always be Interesting. But probably not nonnegotiable. Likewise Captive Audience and Best Friend and Bestest Friend. She wants to not be alone, and that last pairing would let her get that immediately. And that would be nice. And Captive Audience would let her infodump as much as she wanted and people would find it interesting! One of her primary friendship enablers is finding her infodumps interesting! But she'll skip over them for now and keep them in mind for later.

Oh. Love Interest is nice. Very nice. She'd just- not really have to worry. It's would hurt a lot less to not be able to be with someone because of circumstance than because they didn't like her back. She'd need Mysterious Allure for that though. So, not on this first runthrough. And oh, the poly-enabling follow-ons look appealing too! But onward!

She'll take Time Enough For Love on her final build if she takes the poly-enabling powers. If she ends up with only one person, and is probably just going to stick with one person, it's less of a necessity.

I Can Fix Them is giving her interesting thoughts. But it's kind of niche. And she's unlikely to fall in love with anyone reprehensible in the first place.

True Love's Kiss looks incredible.

Does aging count as an illness or injury for True Love's Kiss?

Diseases or injuries caused by aging can be cured by True Love's Kiss, but aging itself is not considered such unless it's caused by, like, a curse or something like that. Usually people like to go on some kind of quest on behalf of the people they love to acquire immortality for them, or if they want to dodge the issue, just fall in love with people who are already immortal. 

I can upgrade it though!

Name: Eternal Love (Prereq True Love's Kiss) - 1 pt

Your love wards off death in all its forms. Kissing your true love restores both of you to the prime of health, as determined by the target, and can even bring you back from beyond death. Should there not be material remains to kiss, or if kissing them would be really gross, instead kissing a symbolic object or representation can bring your love back again in the prime of health. 

Warning: Because this power makes death less serious, it may make the narrative more likely to be willing to deal out (temporary) deaths if it would be really dramatic. 

Oh. Huh. She's still not really adjusted to the idea of having the narrative around and changing things. The idea of leaning on narrative to avoid her loved ones dying genuinely hadn't occurred to her. Going on a quest on behalf of someone she loves to give them immortality sounds kind of tremendously aesthetic, but also maybe like something she should avoid? If she can just get the immortality right here and now? The tradeoff of more temporary deaths makes it kind of not the greatest, but there's no way she won't try finding a way to resurrect people on her own anyway, and that would have the same result. So. Probably it's a point to get something she'd eventually be able to do without spending that point, sort of fast-forwarding her way through a certain part of the Plot. And it doesn't give her the ability to get anyone, just those she loves. Plausibly worth it, but maybe not if she's tight on points? Since she's apparently going to have some narrative protection anyway?

Oh. I kind of hadn't been thinking in terms of, you know, narrative causality. Kind of silly of me, I guess. Um, does that mean that without taking Eternal Love I probably wouldn't have to worry about Sudden Loved One Death until I'd developed the ability to resurrect people?

Probably not, no! You don't really seem the type to enjoy going on a big quest to get your lost love back. 

Well, that's incredibly good news. This is really going to be a kind of convenient journey, isn't it? One where things nearly aren't allowed to go too wrong. That's nice.

I think I'm going to probably not take that power, then. Sorry for making you put work into writing it even though I'm probably skipping it!

She genuinely feels kind of unreasonably guilty about that.

It's okay! It'll all about finding what you want. You can't do that without trying things.

A little heart appears next to the thank you.

Awww! Notebook good book! Best book, even! It is such a good- waiiit. Should she be using "it" pronouns? Also, is the notebook actually conscious? It probably is, but what if it's not? It would be sad to get attached to a not-actually-conscious notebook.

I just realized I never actually asked what pronouns I should be using for you. Or, uh, whether you're actually conscious or just look that way. It's not rude to ask that, is it?

I accept "it", because I am a notebook, or "she", because of who I am as a notebook. I promise I am actually conscious. Sometimes I even go with people on their adventures!

Oh! She should definitely bring the notebook with her then! Not only for Notebook Friendship Purposes, but also because she could help answer any questions she has about her powers or how metanarrativey stuff works.

I think I'm going to bring you with me then!

We can talk about it! I want to hear more about what you want to do before I decide whether I want to come along or not. I hope that's okay! 

That's completely okay!

It's entirely valid to not know immediately whether you want to go on adventures with someone. Her anxiety rears its head and attempts to tell her this means the notebook dislikes her, but this is silly and she will continue ignoring the brain gremlins at this time.

Onward to more choices!

She's still taking True Love's Kiss because it's really, really useful-sounding. And increases the number of universes she could end up in. Planned Parenthood, um, will probably come in handy. Oh no, a terrible pun. That wasn't on purpose. The ones for being better at sex feel- kind of obviated by Anything You Can Do, probably? She kind of doesn't want to immediately know exactly what to do. It feels a bit like cheating somehow. And she gets the benefits but slower from Anything You Can Do, and, um, it kind of feels like a luxury. If she has lots of points to spare at the end maybe. GGG and Before Your Eyes are likewise appealing and not something she's picking on round one.

Fated Lovers is kind of a perfect cure for her loneliness? She really, really wants it, so she takes it. Sorry About That feels- she can get the same benefits just by not being thoughtless and bad, right? So she'll skip it. Sense of Style isn't worth the point cost and feels kind of icky. Popular sounds maybe nice and maybe like it would be Too Much. Undiplomatic Immunity feels- useful in some universes and useless in others. And it's six points. She could also just not commit crimes? Well, if she lands in a transphobic civilization her existence could be a crime, so maybe this should be viewed mainly as a way to increase the number of worlds Isekai Roulette is choosing from? Still not really worth it for six points. And honestly she's kind of worried about morality-slippage if she can act completely consequence free. That's another reason not to take Sorry About That, actually.

Oh! Abilities for making friends! Those are great! Powers that are basically social skills in a bottle! Or, well, the skills needed not to embarrass herself in a bottle. If she takes all three Friends in Places abilities, she should have some sense of how to interact with everyone but those in the middlest of places. She pencils all of those in. Nine points, but it's worth it, not to have to worry that she's Missing Something Social quite so often.

They'll Know is the only drawback she's fine with taking. It doesn't matter to her if people realize something weird is going on with her, and she kind of wouldn't want everyone prevented from doing so, actually. If she's basically not taking abilities that mess with people's heads she should mostly be in the clear? It could maybe mesh poorly with Mysterious Allure and Captive Audience if she decided to take those.

How do Mysterious Allure and Captive Audience work, if they're not mind control? Is it the Spirit, like, looking through and picking out a universe where my story there will include the people in it just kind of naturally finding me alluring and interesting?

Powers like Mysterious Allure and Captive audience work firstly by metanarrative selection of worlds, situations and people to fit you being special and important, and only intervene directly to influence thoughts or behaviours if there's absolutely no other way for them to work. They generally use the minimum intervention necessary to produce the effect. 

Oh.

Could I get versions of those powers that don't do the thought and behaviour influencing, and just nudge the narrative and metanarrative?

Absolutely! And since it's technically a strict downgrade it won't cost you anything.

Huzzah!

Okay, she can nab those changed ones, then. Take What's In A Name to protect her from name magic based shenanigans, she honestly probably should have taken that on round one. Take Just A Little Longer to give herself much less bounded endurance. Take Love Interest, Love Triangle, and Love Dodecahedron, provided she can get the same only-works-on-the-narrative-level adjustments as she did for Mysterious Allure and Captive Audience. That means she's selecting out a lot of possible universes, but that's what increasing the potential-universe-pool with all of those other choices was for. She'll nab Time Enough For Love too.

Hmm, does she actually want GGG and Before Your Eyes? Also narrative-only-adjusted? She can't actually afford either of them unless she gives something else up. GGG on its own is kind of the better option, since it wouldn't cut down on possible worlds so much for just a small set of people to be into the same things she is and willing to experiment? Yeah, if she's picking one of them, it's GGG.

So. Now there's the question of how to finagle her current almost-out-of-points situation. She could give up some of her Friends suite of abilities, or give up Love Dodecahedron and take both of GGG and two spare points.

Oh! Wait! She can actually afford Love Dodecahedron and GGG just fine. She didn't actually take Eternal Love but apparently she did reflexively add one to her total point score.

She still can't afford Best Friend and Bestest Friend, but her whole new suite of abilities should actually make it not take all that long for her to find friends in her new world, it's okay.

So. Now she should probably explain things to the notebook, and perhaps gain a friend in the process! She really hasn't been talking to her much, has she? She's been wrapped up in her own head, in the question of what things to pick. So, she can- actually explain things. First, though, she can go through and check off each option she's picking, now that she has her full build.

So! Would you like me to describe what what I want to do, now that I've, uh, finished putting together a little build and I can be sure that it's supported by my point budget?

Please, go ahead!

Then go ahead she shall!

So! My history here is- kind of a lonely one. I haven't really had many friends for a long time. And even before that, not really any who could really- understand me. I've been alone for a long, long time. My family is- complicated. Really nice in some ways, but- well, complicated. Drug problems and complicated interpersonal relationships and just- being different sorts of people than I am. I love lots of them, and I'm going to miss a few of them, but if I wasn't going to get the opportunity to come back home just when I left my reluctance to leave would be because they'd miss me, much more than because I'd miss them. I'm- pretty sure my mom would be okay with me being trans, and probably my siblings, and my dad probably eventually but on the other side of a bunch of exhausting conversation.

I don't know if I've ever been in love. There was that time with that girl who ended up being gay, but I'm not really sure if I was actually in love there. And- at any rate I've never loved and been loved in a way where it felt like- we understood each other. And outside of that it's just been the occasional bit of flirting or few dates, no actual substantial relationships.

All of that is why I picked the options for a true love that I did. And all of those Friends in Places things. I'm kind of a bit anxious by nature, so knowing that I actually knew how to move in whatever social circles I was moving through would be nice. And having an honest-to-goodness True Love or three would be- so nice. I want a person I can spend hours talking to, someone who sees who I am and likes it. Who can actually- love me. I don't want to be alone anymore. So I guess part of what I'm going to be doing is finding a nice group of people that I can unreservedly care about, and be my full self around. Who I can love and who will love me back. And I'm not really picky about whether that group is a group of one.

There's more but now my hand is cramping up a bit from holding this pen tighter than I should have so I'm going to take a break for a second.

Being- open with someone she's just met and admitting she's anxious sometimes, that she's lonely- that was hard. The notebook is- apparently for giving sudden second chances to people, and she's probably seen this before and isn't going to decide she's Pathetic or something. She doesn't need to be worried. Probably.

It sounds like you've really had a time of it between your social isolation, your complicated family, and your own anxiety. 

You absolutely deserve to love and be loved as the person you are. A lot of girls have trouble feeling like they're free to be the person they are inside, and it's one of my favorite things in the world to clear away the obstacles between them and the happiness they dream of. You could say it's the reason I exist. 

Please, go on. I want to hear your story. ♡

Awww! The notebook is so sweet! She's suddenly a lot less nervous that she overshared.

You're very sweet. Best notebook. Ten out of ten, would recommend.

Anyway, onward to more story! There's- it's kind of complicated but my world's got a few Very Large Problems, and I thought I was well-positioned to maybe do something about one of them. And I went off and studied and, uh, it turned out I kind of wasn't. That's been- kind of hard to adjust to. I'd sunk, well, something like six years into trying to become the kind of person that could help, and it ended up not working. Like, I don't mean to mislead, in the process I actually learned a decent number of skills that would have helped me find a job, even if you hadn't shown up I would have been fine and probably had a decently well-paying job to look forward to. Just, you know, not a particularly meaningful one. And not even really anyone who I could funnel that into personally helping, much. Of course there's always the far-away people who need help, but I guess there's part of me that feels like I'm either working on saving everyone or I've kind of failed, you know? That's pretty silly, I guess.

So- I think what I want is some place I can do things that matter. But- more simply than in this world. In this world everything is either complicated or out of my reach. Like, giving everyone a happy afterlife wouldn't be complicated, but I can't exactly just go out and do it. And there basically aren't any problems that can actually just be solved by Swording at them. This is a grand tragedy. So- if my Isekai Roulette result is the way I expect it to be, I'm going to land somewhere with problems I can solve with a surfeit of personal power. And the world's problems aren't all going to be the relatively simple sort, probably, since worlds like that are probably really rare, but some of them are going to be. And I will go off and attempt to solve them. And my True Love(s) are likely going to want to help. Or maybe I'll be the one doing the helping; with all these powers that feels kind of unlikely, but you never know!

Wow, trying to save everyone is a lot to put on your shoulders! You say you're anxious, but I think that's incredibly brave of you, and very kind. A lot of people would rather live comfortable lives than help others. That's okay! But you went above and beyond to try and help, dedicating years to it, and that's worth acknowledging as strong and deeply compassionate.  

I think I definitely want to come along to see what you make of your world, if that's the kind of person you are. I think you'll accomplish great things. ♡

When the notebook praises her, she feels warm and happy. When she says she wants to come along she feels a burst of joy bright enough that she has to fight back the urge to happily flap her hands.

Wow, she really has been starved for human connection, hasn't she?

Well, she's got a new notebook companion and she's quite soon going to hop into a new universe where she can make a bunch of new friends. The solution to that particular problem is very close at hand. In the meantime, she should respond.

Thank you, I really appreciate that. Also! Yay! You're coming with me! I'm so pleased! I grant thee the title of Best Notebook!

Awww, thank you! I'll treasure it!

Best Notebook gets underlined and a whole cloud of little hearts appears around it.

Those hearts are adorable.

Okay, now I think I go over my build in full one last time and see if I missed anything obvious and then we actually- buy all the things and teleport me off. Wow. I'm going to suddenly just- be somewhere else. I should-

Suddenly her thoughts are moving too fast for her pen. Maybe she should should buy an encyclopedia to bring with her wait does she get to bring things at all she doesn't think she read anything suggesting she could she needs to check-

Okay, it doesn't look like there's anything explicitly saying what she brings with her. Probably her clothes? Maybe what's in her pockets? Can she bring her phone? Could she fill up a giant backpack with books?

She'll ask Best Notebook.

You bring anything that's on your person when you go. Bags, anything in your pockets, anything in your hands or that you're wearing. It can be useful to pack, but mostly if you're the kind of person who would pack?

You can retrieve anything sentimental to you that's been in a bag or pocket of your clothing using Dressing Room, but it won't help with retrieving items of merely practical value.

She is totally the kind of person who'd pack.

Also. It's. She's been thinking of herself as "she" for a while now and it's been, uh, easy? She kind of expected to, you know, slip up. Make mistakes. Apparently not?

Huh.

Anyway, packing! The obvious thing is- English Wikipedia on her phone plus solar batteries. And maybe also a bunch of other books that would be Useful For Isekai-ing? She can't believe she almost just didn't think of any of that. There's certainly no guarantee that she's going to land some place it would be helpful, but if it is it's likely to be very helpful. So. Before she goes she's going to gather together a whole huge set of books to download onto her phone along with Literally All of English Wikipedia, a few choice books to grab actual physical copies of if she can, and a way to use solar power to charge her phone.

So! I think I am actually going to pack a bunch of things which would help me help a less technologically advanced civilization industrialize. It's probably going to take me about a day to put together. Is that okay?

There's a sense in which it would be better to spend a few years learning everything she can to perfectly position herself to help another world, but- well, she's tried that kind of Project before and there's a part of her which feels like she's Done Her Time and also she just- doesn't know if she has it in her to have an actual brighter future just sitting there for months without reaching out and taking it. No, that's not true. She- she does. She could. She's not going to, though. Not when she doesn't even know it would actually be useful. That, she can't quite manage to make herself do.

That's okay! I'm very patient. 

Oh no that makes the guilt at not spending Five Years putting together the Perfect Isekai Package worse.

She's just so tired. Would she even be able to make it that long?

She would. She knows herself. That's flinching away from reality.

She's just. Going to do the wrong thing, here, and go quickly.

She really, really doesn't want to be alone anymore.

She can be a better person after she's feels a bit less alone, and like fewer pieces of her are missing.

She swallows a lump in her throat.

And then she breathes in slow and deep, and holds her breath for a moment, and lets it out. Her shoulders straighten.

This kind of feels like a moment for that strength she cultivated to get through university, through working the sixty-hour-weeks necessitated by the workload she'd put herself under, the goals she'd set for herself. It got her through that, and it will serve here to muscle her way out from under the guilt.

She takes another deep breath.

Yeah, it's going to be okay.

Downloading All Of Wikipedia turns out to be easier than she expected, thankfully. So does finding a way to keep her phone charged. Picking out the right books to bring along, and deciding the correct ones to have in actual physical text form in case her phone breaks, is more difficult. It does, in fact, take most of the day. Well, that and getting ahold of them all. In the end she has to resort to the Big Library downtown. She's, uh, unsure about whether they would approve of bringing the books to Another Universe, but as long as she has them back on time she thinks she isn't technically breaking any rules. And she'd actually be willing to just break those rules, here. This is Important and none of the books are irreplaceable artifacts or something. She also puts together a tiny little wardrobe to bring with her in the large hiking backpack she's packing all this in. Not too much clothing, she needs space for books. But a pair of khakis in addition to the jeans she's going to show up in, changes of socks, underwear, a few shirts. A sweater she could throw on under her peacoat so that she could be comfortable even well below freezing, if she doubled up her pairs of pants. If she lands in the far north of her new home, she shouldn't be too terribly inconvenienced unless it's the very far north, in which case if not for metanarrative protection she would die.

And then- it's time to go, isn't it?

She looks around her room. This is the last time she's going to see it for a long long time, isn't it?

She walks the pacing-circuit she typically follows around her apartment. She looks at all the things that have slowly faded into the background enough that she doesn't notice them, and looks at the view out of her living room window, something she appreciates every morning and probably couldn't forget if she wanted to.

She looks out over the buildings of her city, and the trees growing around them. It really is a lovely view.

Her living room is cluttered. Her kitchen is messy.

It's home, though.

She goes out and sits on her balcony for a little while, watching the sunset.

She breathes, deep and slow, as night slowly creeps over the world, or at least her part of it. This high up she's far enough from the roads that she doesn't smell car exhaust, or anything like that. Just fresh, clean air.

It's a perfect spring night. Just cool enough she wouldn't want to be out in it without a sweater, but warm enough that the air is comfortable on her skin. She can hear the cars driving by on the pavement a couple hundred feet away.

She takes one last breath of the night air.

Then, she goes back inside and closes the curtains, like she's getting ready for bed.

It's time to go.

She writes one last thing in the notebook, on the world of her birth.

And then she, the supplies on her back, and the notebook in her hands all vanish.