look who showed up at the door!!
[Image description: an animal somewhat resembling a walrus, apart from its pastel green-and-baby-blue coloration, its enormous floppy ears, and its size. It is currently sitting on a cat bed, staring up at the camera.]
isn't he the cutest? :D
i never thought of walruses as being 'cute' exactly. anyway what the fuck is that thing
now you just need to find a fairy and we can answer the age old question of which is more surprising.
#ancient fucking memes #whatever the fuck this is
But seriously which esper made that because it's super cool. Stealth marketing working on me smdh
[Image description: the walrus-like creature is sitting at a low table, eating Oreos off a plastic plate from a children's tea set. Also at the table are a stuffed teddy bear and a stuffed kangaroo, both with their own plates and teacups. A child's hand is visible in the corner of the photograph.]
I wasn't sure what he's supposed to eat but he likes oreos!
[Image description: the walrus-like creature is poking its head and flippers out of an overturned paper grocery bag, sniffing the air.]
it's just like a cat :3
That's a dungeon critter you've got there, like mine! Mine likes the same things as normal cats but also human food - it can vary depending on the monster. There's actually a program that can get your friend there seen by a specialist in monsters, no charge, and they'll figure out stuff like whether it wants an Oreo and fish diet or if you should be giving kibble or what, and any surprises or powers it might have. Can I come by and get it packed up for you? What’s its name?
awww, what a cute kitty! I don't want to impose on you when I'm sure you've got bigger problems on your plate, but you can bring him in for a checkup once they've got the cars off the road. his name is Raspberry (we let the kids pick)
Private Message to Traceless:
we're at 702 s 30th street
will he be back by saturday? maritza has a playdate with her bff and she wants to show him off
I can make a note that it’s time sensitive
I’m outside, can you let me in? Hands are full
I can actually come by sooner than that! Can I have the address?
wow, creepy and pushy much? they just said, once the cars are off the road. if you think it's not worth waiting for some reason, explain why, don't just be like "I'm an esper I'm so trustworthy tell me where you live so I can supervise your new pet."
We've switched to DMs but if you're ever concerned about the public conduct of an esper step one should be to contact their agent! Mine's Paula Bescond. That’ll let you distinguish between cases where something is wrong and someone needs help vs. ones where it’s fine and just looks odd for some reason. (And if you have any complaints about the agent, those’d go to the relevant agency higher ups or appropriate regulatory body.) In this case: I’m not just a random esper, I’m a monster specialist. You can look me up.
"Maritza! Can you get the door for the nice esper?"
"Mama! You didn't say the magic word!"
The subsequent sigh is not actually audible on the other side of the doorway. "Maritza, can you please get the door?"
"I can!" Giggle.
There's a few second's pause. "...Please get the door for the nice esper."
"Okay!"
There's the sound of footsteps padding across a hardwood floor, and then the door opens on a child who looks to be in elementary school. She smiles up at him. "Hi! Are you the esper that's taking Raspberry on vacation?"
"Yup! I got a super cozy carrier, it's the same brand my kitty likes!" He hefts it. "Where's Raspberry?"
"He's having a sleepover with Bunbun in the basement!" Giggle. "May I see your kitty cat?"
"He’s all the way in Canada but once Raspberry is packed up I have so many pictures. Where do I find the basement?"
"This way!" She starts padding towards the stairs. "Guess what kind of animal Bunbun is!"
She bursts out into peals of laughter. "Nope! She's a kangaroo!"
There's a baby gate at the top of the stairs; Maritza ignores the lock entirely and clambers over it.
That makes it awkward to get down the stairs first but he's going to look for an opening at the bottom of the steps.
"No cutting on the stairs," she tells him solemnly as he passes her. "It's not safe."
The walrus-monster is lying on a cat bed, with a beach towel draped over his body, though it doesn't actually seem to be awake. A stuffed kangaroo is positioned next to him, half-covered with a dish cloth. From the next room over, the same adult voice as before calls, "Maritza, please be nice to the esper!"
"She's fine!" he calls.
This should not be hard. He goes right up to the monster and scoops it and puts it in the carrier and clicks it shut.
The walrus opens its eyes and tentatively nuzzles the inside of the cage.
The door to the other room opens, and a woman in her early thirties emerges, carrying an empty laundry basket. "I'm sorry I couldn't be there to meet you," she says in a tone of mild embarrassment. "Can I get you anything to eat while you're here, or a glass of water?"
"I'm okay, thanks, I'm here with my partner who's catching rogue firetrucks and we're all getting fed at the hotel. Can I have a word?" He glances communicatively in Maritza's direction.
"I don't know, can you?" chirps Maritza.
"Sweetie, will you go play with your brother?"
"What's the magic—"
"Sweetie, will you please go play with your brother?"
"Okay! But you have to tell me before Raspberry leaves so I can say bye-bye to him."
"No, not that bad. The bad news is that Raspberry's dungeon is still active, and that means Raspberry can be dangerous. This kind of monster is only dangerous sometimes under specific conditions, but they can still hurt people pretty bad. It's gotta stay locked up until they kill the dungeon. If they don't kill the dungeon, only a certified lab with all the appropriate insurance and security protocols can have it."
"Are you sure? She'll be so sad if she has to give up her new pet, and it's not like it can do much harm if the dungeon is gone..."
"This specific dungeon actually has a history where it opened near where a bunch of its monsters were pets. If it gets away, it could open in LA and reactivate your critter. Nobody hopes more than I do that they will finally kill the dungeon this time but there's no guarantee till they pop the core.
"The good news is that if, and only if, they do that, Raspberry will be a great pet, or, alternately, worth a whole lotta money."
"The kids love him, I don't think I could sell off their pet just to make some quick cash." It's not that money wouldn't be awfully nice! But she's pretty sure that if you sell your child's beloved pet because it's worth a lot of money, that's the kind of thing that makes you a Bad Parent.
"I understand, you don't have to sell, I'll send it straight back if they kill the dungeon off. If you do want to sell it'd come with a lifetime membership to the monster zoo to come visit whenever, but it's not exactly close to home."
"Contact info for after the dungeon departs one way or another and for Raspberry updates?"
"If you can, it'll be soon; if you can't it could be a couple weeks before we know for sure, but probably if we can kill the dungeon at all it'll happen in the next couple of days."
"I'm all set, thanks. You're taking this very well and I appreciate it."
He whisks Raspberry off to an appropriate Lootbox repository, and goes out to collect the next, and the next, and the next. The kind of person who'll pick up a monster is apparently also the kind to post about it on social media, in the current year in the decadent West.
