It’s not like he’s not used to being stared at. He had only been “a little more hardcore than usual” for a little while, after he first ran away — it’s like going home, going back to being a freak.

But this is just sad.

When the bell rings, he makes his way across the room and grabs a chair from someone else’s desk, setting it in front of the guy who’s been watching him all afternoon and sitting down on it backwards, arms folded across the backrest.

“So.”

Aaaaaaa the villain kid is talking to him what should he do what should he do

"hi?"

“Yeah, hi, guy who’s been staring at me for an hour.”

He extends an arm and prods the middle of Kaleva’s chest with a finger.

When the villain kid touches him, Kaleva feels a sort of hot tingly shiver spread through his entire body. It is nice except for the part where it is terrifying.

About thirty seconds later, he realizes that the villain kid was probably waiting for an answer. "I wasn't," he mumbles unconvincingly.

“Every time I looked at you you were making this face at me.”

"Uh. Sorry?" he continues to mumble.

Kaleva braces himself for the part where he gets thrown into a locker.

...hmm.

He catches Kaleva’s chin in his hand and tips it up towards him.

Kaleva has completely short-circuited.

He stares at the villain kid's mouth, biting his lip, with an expression of utter yearning. 

...well, that’s fun.

Might as well give him what he wants, right? Good start on his mission, anyway.

He leans forward and kisses him.

(Kisses apparently involve a lot more of your tongue than Kaleva might have expected.)

While "kisses have lots of tongue" is on the list of things Kaleva didn't expect, it is actually pretty low down the list! Topping the list are "men sometimes kiss other men," "people kiss in empty chemistry classrooms," "people kiss people they just met when there hasn't been a song establishing that they're in love with each other," and "anyone at all would want to kiss Kaleva."

Kaleva has no idea what he is doing. But he kisses hungrily and passionately and as if he simultaneously expects that you are going to stop kissing him at any second so he should make the most of it, and that if he shoves his face into yours hard enough then you will be able to kiss forever.

Wow. This guy’s deprived.

And...it’s not bad, honestly. He could get used to this.

He kisses him for a minute, then pulls back and stands up, not bothering to replace his chair.

Kaleva stares out dopily into space, touching his mouth.

...that’s kind of cute.

And really weird to see. How do you survive like that?

He waves over his shoulder as he heads for the door.

“You’d better find me at dinner.”

And then he’s gone.

Eventually all of Kaleva's brain cells come back online and he thunks his head into the desk.

In principle, Kaleva could have guessed that it was possible for men to kiss men. After all, mouths are not a sexually dimorphic trait. But it was just unthinkable. Men didn't marry men. Men didn't rescue men from dragons, or go on quests to earn the heart of a man, or awaken a man from a hundred years' sleep with true love's kiss. So how could men possibly kiss each other?

Except. The villain kid had definitely kissed him.

Since it is something that villains did, and something that Kaleva had never heard of in all his years in Auradon, it is probably evil. 

And he had liked it. He kind of wants it to happen again.

"Oh no," he moans.

He checks the time. He's like fifteen minutes late to his next class. In theory he should run but he can't bring himself to move any faster than a slow, dreamy walk.

He doesn't get anything out of the rest of the classes for that day, and when he tries to do homework he finds himself drawing doodles in the margin. He can't stop thinking about it-- he was kissed, he was kissed by a guy, he liked it, someone wanted to kiss him. No matter what he tries to think about, his thoughts are drawn inexorably back to the feeling of the villain kid's lips on his own.

He doesn't even know the villain kid's name.

At dinner, Kaleva is barely hungry. He gets an apple and some of the roast beef, for form's sake, and then sits at his accustomed empty table with his accustomed book. His skin is buzzing and he's on edge; it feels like he's almost at the top of a rollercoaster, that same sort of half-anticipation half-anxiety. He would prefer not to admit to himself how much he hopes that the villain kid will find him.

There’s a quiet thunk that turns out to be a practically overflowing plate of food, and the villain kid slides into the empty chair next to him.

“I’m hurt. Emotionally wounded.”

"Sorry?" Kaleva tries.

Someone is sitting next to him. This has happened before exactly twice in his career at Auradon Prep and one time it ended in him being tossed into a garbage can. 

“...that was a joke,” he clarifies, eyeing Kaleva’s apple.

He didn't want that apple that much anyway!

The villain kid can have it and maybe that will get him to kiss Kaleva again stop him from throwing Kaleva into the garbage.

He makes a face, for a minute, staring at the apple like it’s just turned blue and started to levitate.

Then he tucks it away into his bag. Kaleva can catch a glimpse of a few more apples, and some cookies wrapped in a napkin.

“What’s your name, anyway?”

"Uh. Kaleva? Kaleva Weaselton?" He pronounces it 'Wesselton.'

“Z,” he says.

And then: “What’s your deal, anyway?”

"I don't. Have a deal?"

“I mean with the thing where you’re clearly into me but you’re hiding over here.”

Kaleva's brain skips a beat when Z says "you're into me". He decides the safest path is to pretend that part of the sentence never happened.

"I always sit here, because other people don't sit here, because when other people sit near me they usually decide to throw me into garbage cans or something, which I assume you're going to do soon, so can you just get on with it?"

"...is that a thing...that happens to you a lot?"

"Not that often, because usually I don't talk to people!"

"And, what, people just feel this powerful need to toss you in the garbage?"

"I guess? I'm sort of confused you haven't done it yet, but honestly you're kind of confusing in general."

"...man. It really is just like home, here."

He shakes his head.

"I'm not gonna throw you in the garbage. Kind of a gross way to hurt someone anyway."

Which doesn't rule out that Z would hurt him in other, less gross ways, which Kaleva feels... complicatedly about. Normally he feels scared or resigned about being hurt, but the thought of Z hurting him makes his stomach flip and fill with a weirdly pleasant nausea. 

"If you're not going to throw me into the garbage then why are you here?" 

"...because you were eyebanging me through our entire chemistry class?"

Lev turns a bright red color. "I was not," he mumbles, staring at the table. "I don't-- I'm not-- that was you."

"What, I was staring at you?"

Kaleva is extremely red. It is hard to imagine a person getting redder. He says very quickly and quietly, "you kissed me."

"After the eyebanging."

"I didn't, you're just-- unusual-- to look at--"

"Yeah, I am."

He leans back in his chair, puts his hands behind his head.

"I work real hard at it."

Lev is staring again, slightly open-mouthed. 

He stretches out a little.

"What, do they not have anybody like me out here?"

Kaleva makes a noise in the back of his throat. His eyes are fixed on the place where Z's shirt is riding up, showing a bit of hip. "I don't think I've met anyone like you in my entire life."

"...you're not eating, right?"

He hasn't eaten. But he's got enough stashed. This might be worth it.

"I'm not hungry."

He gets up out of his chair and grabs Kaleva's hand to pull him up as well.

"C'mon. I wanna show you something."

If Kaleva's brain hadn't turned into a pile of mush, he would probably have some objections! Like "where are we going?" and "what are you doing?" and "I am still not 100% convinced that you are not going to throw me into a garbage bin!"

Unfortuantely, Kaleva has not been touched except in passing for several years, so he does not at all have the capacity to object to being dragged somewhere as long as his hand is being touched while this is happening.

Classroom, classroom, classroom, bathroom...supply closet. Supply closet it is.

He yanks Kaleva in after him and shuts the door behind them.

"Uh... why are we in a supply closet?"

In lieu of an answer, he kisses him again.

He is very, very, very close up.

Having Z pressed up against him sends the hot tingly shiver of being touched through his entire body; Z's mouth is warm and wet and Kaleva groans against it. Kaleva doesn't seem to know what he's doing with his hands: he jumps between Z's hair and his back and his sides and his butt, as if he knows he wants to do something but is totally unclear about how any part of this process works. 

Z can also probably feel that he's super-hard.

...yeah, he can definitely feel that.

He grabs Kaleva's hair with one hand and around his waist with the other – see how this works? – and grinds up against him a little more purposefully.

Kaleva clutches onto Z's shirt like a dying man onto a liferaft, spreads his legs a bit wider so Z can get a better angle, and moans into his mouth. 

Oh, good.

He’s going to pin him up against the wall, now, and kiss him and grab at him and move like they’re both engaged in something considerably more intimate.

It feels a little bit dangerous, how hungry he is.

Kaleva groans when he's pinned against the wall and thrusts back against Z and throws his head back and makes panting noises. Everywhere Z touches him feels amazing. The pulsing sense of pleasure centered around his groin builds and builds every time Z grinds against him. Kaleva keeps thinking it has to stop, it can't possibly feel any better, but it gets more and more intense until finally it feels so good his mind entirely blanks out.

A few seconds later he's blinking, unsure of what just happened, and his pants are wet.

He pulls back.

His gaze flicks down, and then back up at Kaleva’s face.

No! No pulling back. Cuddles.

Kaleva is definitely going to have some feelings about what just happened at some point but right now he's floating in the afterglow of his first conscious orgasm of his entire life.

...okay? This is...weird.

But...it’s not bad, he guesses. He’ll let him do this to him. Maybe it’s a mainland thing.

He wraps up Z very tightly in a hug and rests his cheek against Z's cheek. 

"You're great," he says dreamily.

Aaa? Aaaaaaaaaaa?!

This is definitely a mainland thing and it’s weird and it’s...not bad which in itself is really really weird what does he do. What if it’s a trap.

...if it’s a trap then he can deal with it. That’s kind of fun, actually. It’s just the kind of enjoying it part that’s throwing him off.

He continues to...allow...this.

Kaleva starts petting Z's hair. "Your hair is so soft."

It does not seem like he has any intentions of letting go any time soon.

help

He ducks out of Kaleva’s grip.

Shortly thereafter, he recovers an acceptable amount of his chill.

“See you around.”

He exits the supply closet before he can fall victim to any more cuddles with strangers.

By coincidence, Z recovering an acceptable amount of his chill means that Kaleva has no chill whatsoever.

He sinks down until he's sitting in the fetal position and quietly has a panic attack.

By the time he's done with his panic attack, his pants are dry enough that he can hurry back to his dorm room, change, lie on the bed, and have another panic attack for the rest of the night. 

Z, meanwhile, returns to dinner and eats until he’s almost sick, stuffs more apples and a brownie in his bag and returns to his room.

When he’s back, while his roommate is still away, he picks through his hoard compulsively, throws out anything that’s turned to real garbage and adds everything he stole today. He has...maybe two weeks’ worth if he swings it right, doesn’t mind being a little hungry, if he can keep it hidden from everyone else...

He goes through the whole box five times and never stops to think that it might be related to anything that’s happened to him today.

In the morning, Kaleva briefly gets out of bed, sends a message to his teachers that he's sick and won't be able to come in today, and then spends the rest of the morning having a panic attack in bed.

It’s probably a coincidence that he doesn’t show up to class.

He does look for him at lunch, though.

By lunch, Kaleva has had more than sixteen hours of continuous panic attack, which has burned out even his ability to have panic attacks. He is not, however, ready to face other people. So he makes a lunch out of the snacks in his bedroom and tries to fit together what just happened with his understanding of the world.

Until yesterday, Kaleva had had the concepts of "sex," which involves a penis being inserted into a vagina until ejaculation and results in babies, and "wet dreams," which involve shadowy images of shirtless men and happen when you're asleep. What had happened with Z is clearly neither of those things. It obviously can't be sex, because you can only have sex with women. It is some kind of... weird conscious wet dream that involves another person?

Whatever it is, it is clearly evil, because he had never heard about it in Auradon until a villain kid did it to him, and so he should never do it again.

Except he had liked it. 

Was that a sign that Kaleva himself is evil? Or is it some kind of villainous wile that he should dismiss and not think any more of it, a temptation he should fight?

Kaleva is acutely conscious of the fact that his thoughts about what in goodness's name happened keep wandering to thoughts about how nice it would be if it happened again. 

Z is doing some concept management of his own.

The stuff he did with Kaleva was fun, up until the things at the end that Kaleva did to him which were sort of confusing and made him want to cry a little. And he’s the kind of person who gets into these things just for fun, because he feels like it, maybe just a little because it would really piss off the whole cult he grew up in...but he went looking for him when he couldn’t find him, and if that kind of thing keeps happening he’s going to end up with a two-person gang.

...Does Kaleva want in on a gang? He gave him something, but it’s something he could get for free. He complimented him and touched him in a weird affectionate way. That would make a lot more sense. But he’s not from the Isle — do they have gangs here? And if Z has Kaleva in his gang will he be a target?

It’s better to have a small, weird gang than no gang. And Z likes weird, anyway.

Next time he sees him, he’ll feel it out.

Kaleva decides to do what he always does when he's confused about something, which is go to the library!

Unfortunately, the books about sex are restricted to people who have a permission slip from a teacher and a legitimate reason to read about it, neither of which Kaleva has. Fortunately, Kaleva is small and quiet and unobtrusive and no one pays any attention to him at the best of times, and it has literally never occurred to any of the staff at Auradon Prep that Kaleva would break a rule.

After some research Kaleva discovers the following facts:

1. The thing he did is called 'sodomy.'

2. It is very definitely evil.

3. There are a bunch of other things under the umbrella of 'sodomy'. Many of them seem anatomically improbable. 

4. There are line drawings of the anatomically improbable things.

5. The line drawings are very fun to look at. 

6. He really really wants to do sodomy again.

Guess who’s sitting right outside the exit to the library?

That’s right, Kaleva. You can never leave again.

Kaleva is going to make a good faith effort to avoid doing sodomy. However, everyone has to leave the library sometime. No one could possibly fault him for leaving the library. Therefore, if he leaves the library right now, anything that happens is totally Z's fault.

(This would be a more convincing line of argument if, having just learned about oral sex ten minutes ago, his brain weren't constantly throwing up mental pictures of Z doing it to him.)

He catches Lev’s pants leg and closes his book.

“I want you to get something for me,” he says, without preamble.

"Uh, what?"

“I want you to get them to let me into the smithing shop.”

Wow, that has nothing to do with kissing or sodomy.

Kaleva has some feelings about this.

"You can just sign up to use it."

“They don’t want to let me in right away, because there’s ‘fire’ and ‘dangerous equipment’.”

He uses air quotes.

“...but I bet if some good kid vouched for me they’d let me go anyway.”

On one hand, breaking school rules is definitely bad. 

On the other hand, Z has interacted with him on multiple occasions without once assaulting him or throwing him into the dumpster and also they had sex. Kaleva is vaguely aware that this is a low standard but hey no one else has ever kissed him filled it.

"If I do that, you have to give me a hug."

That definitely sounds like a yes to both proposals.

“...Deal.”

He pulls himself up off the floor.

(The tome he stuffs back into his bag definitely doesn’t look like anything that came from the library.)

"We might as well do it now. What book are you reading?"

“Practical Incantation. Crazy what people throw away, right?”

"You do magic?"

“Yeah. Learning to write my own charms and everything.”

"You know that's illegal."

“I don’t do it in front of teachers.”

"You shouldn't do illegal things? Because that's bad?"

“That’s dumb.”

He starts walking in the vague direction of the smithy.

“Why is something worse because the person who doesn’t want you to do it runs the country?”

"King Ben makes things illegal because they're wrong. Like killing people or assaulting them or making them sleep for a hundred years or having sex outside of marriage."

“Reminds me of my dad.”

They're at the smithy.

"I'm... glad your dad wants you to do good things?"

“Good things don’t make any sense. Don’t do anything fun on Sunday and don’t want what other people have and don’t hit people who aren’t your kids and give people your stuff and don’t have sex.”

That is the smithy. Anybody signed up for this time?

Nope!

Kaleva knocks on the metalworking teacher's office door. When he answers, Kaleva says, "can I have the key? My friend and I are working on a project." Without even looking to see who the friend is, the teacher hands over the key. 

Whoa. Powerful.

He takes the key from Kaleva at the first convenient moment and heads through the door to check what they have to work with.

“They just give you stuff like that when you ask?”

"It's called not doing crimes. I suggest you look into it."

“Nnnope. Not worth it.”

And then, after a moment of investigation:

“...they just have silver in here? They don’t even lock it up?”

"In case you haven't noticed, everyone at this school except you is absurdly rich."

“Yeah, no kidding.”

He retrieves some silver and weighs it in his hand, then sets it on the table and starts unwinding one of the spirals of former paperclip from his ear.

Kaleva sits next to him. "You know you can buy earrings."

“I guess. If I had money.”

He digs around in drawers until he finds a lump of wax.

“But I’ve never worn anything I didn’t make. Or find. I don’t wanna forget that.”

"I mean, I could get you earrings if you wanted. Or raw materials so you don't have to steal them from the school."

He gives him a much more searching look than the situation seems to require.

“...raw materials could be okay,” he says, cautiously. “If you care that much.”

"My dad gives me an allowance designed for a normal person, not a recluse who only ever spends money on books. But you can probably just use their materials and pretend it comes out of my materials fee."

“...thanks,” he tries, uncertainly.

"You're welcome."

He’s careful and methodical about his moldmaking — he ends up with a whole array of spirals and bars and a couple of odd little T-shapes.

When he melts the silver to pour, he drops in the old paperclip-earring he took out, too.

He doesn’t leave his state of concentration until the silver is cooling.

“...nobody can get in here without the key, right?”

Kaleva is reading a book. "They can't," he answers without paying much attention.

“Great.”

There is a hand in Kaleva’s lap, and it’s unbuttoning his pants.

Aaaaaaaaaaaa.

Through an enormous effort of willpower, Kaleva grabs Z's hand and pushes it away. "Stop it, I don't want that."

“...you don’t,” he says, in a tone of deep disbelief.

"No. It's evil."

Z may be able to notice that Kaleva does not have the facial expression of a person who doesn't want to have sex with him, and also became hard as soon as Z started undoing his pants.

"That doesn't mean you don't want somebody to do it."

He reaches over again and nudges the evidence with his fingertips.

Kaleva whimpers. He doesn't move away Z's hand, but he says, "I don't want that?" He doesn't sound very convinced.

...yeah, this is an Auradon thing.

"Relax."

He finishes undoing Kaleva's pants.

"This is just how it works. You did something for me, so I do something for you."

"I might not have had friends before but I am pretty sure you don't have to pay back friendship with, with sodomy!"

He is not fighting this at all. 

Or maybe this is just Kaleva's thing.

"...sodomy? Seriously?" 

He's getting flashbacks to being 14.

He pulls down the front of Kaleva's underwear.

"I was reading about it in the library just now! That's what it's called!"

Kaleva's knuckles are white as he's clutching the sides of the chair, and he's breathing heavily.

"You looked it up? Just now?"

He closes his hand around Kaleva's cock and starts to stroke him with a frankly unsettling degree of nonchalance.

If Z wanted a coherent answer he really shouldn't have started touching Kaleva's cock, because Kaleva has thrown his head back and his mouth is opened into an O and he's chanting "oh god oh god oh god."

"Shh. Somebody's gonna hear you."

He doesn't stop, though. Of course not.

Kaleva throws his arm in front of his mouth and bites down. Hard. 

He stops talking but his thighs are shaking and his toes are curling.

He can't believe he can do this much to him just with his hand. Without even trying, really.

He seems fascinated by Kaleva's face, by the teeth sunk into his arm.

Kaleva's face is twisting and he's breathing hard and he's making little noises that he can't stop even with biting into his arm.

He's pretty obviously about to come.

He stops.

Kaleva makes a noise of protest. He bites himself harder.

He laughs, like he’s just made a joke, and resumes what he was doing.

"I-- I looooooooooh," Kaleva says, and comes all over his hand. 

...he’s gonna assume that wasn’t what it sounded like.

He doesn’t flee the scene, this time.

He does get up to wash his hands, though.

Kaleva doesn't move but is smiling at him a lot!

"I was promised a hug."

That’s...really nice. He likes this.

“...yeah, okay.”

He dries his hands and approaches again, tries to pull him to his feet.

Cling! Intense clinging! Also nuzzling!

"You smell nice."

“...I smell nice?”

He puts his arms hesitantly around Kaleva.

"Yeah. You smell nice and you're so warm."

“Obviously I’m warm. I’m evil, not dead.”

...this is kind of great.

He decides that this is a thing he does now. Because it’s nice. And he’s pretty sure Kaleva isn’t about to stab him in the back anytime soon.

No! If Kaleva stabbed Z in the back, then there would be no hugs!

Kaleva tips his head up and very deliberately kisses Z.

—oh. It’s this way, now? He can do this. Nobody’s here to see it, it’s not like he’s going to be embarrassed about somebody like this getting one over on him—

(He’s never been the kind of person who can’t work with that, anyway. He does what’s fun for him.)

He yields to the kiss, this time, makes just the slightest noise into Kaleva’s mouth.

Kaleva runs his hands through Z's hair and murmurs things along the lines of "soft" and "good" and "yes please this" and "beautiful."

He is, somehow, getting hard again.

As it happens, so is Z.

The compliments would make him suspect they were gearing up for something a lot more hardcore than this, but...Kaleva really doesn’t seem like the kind of person who’s already into anything, let alone the weird stuff, given his library habits.

He really hopes he picks what he wants from him quick, though, because he’s way more into this than he expected to be.

(He kisses back with enthusiasm.)

Unfortunately, it looks like what Kaleva wants is to keep petting Z's hair and kissing him while muttering into his mouth about how beautiful he is. 

Proooobably you shouldn't look to the guy who found out about gay sex yesterday for leadership.

Yeah that’s a fair point.

It’s just as well, since he’s suddenly very committed to the idea he had 20 seconds ago.

He does his best to put Kaleva back in his chair.

Kaleva goes along with this because he has learned that going along with what Z wants leads to orgasms.

Z drops to his knees in front of the chair and fumbles with his own pants.

In this particular case, going along with what Z wants leads to Kaleva’s dick in Z’s mouth.

Wow okay Kaleva is definitely a fan of this plan. 

He continues to stroke Z's hair; not kissing Z has made the compliments more audible, if not particularly more coherent.

"You look so good, you're so handsome, I love the way you look between my legs, I love your hair, you make me feel so nice-- god that's good--"

He really didn’t think he had this kink! Shows what he knows. He should have learned to expect by now that he has all of the kinks there are.

He shoves his hand in his own pants and starts to jerk himself off clumsily, moaning around Kaleva’s cock. Every so often he ducks his head a little too far and chokes, quietly, has to back off.

The first time he chokes Kaleva looks down with a lot of concern. "Are you okay?"

He pulls back reluctantly.

“Yeah—I, uh, it’s just, it’s like that sometimes when you get too into it—”

His eyes are a little wet but he’s also very flushed and very obviously still touching himself.

"Sorry, I can try to, uh, stay put? Be less into it?"

He shakes his head firmly.

“No—I. Kind of like it. And I’m pretty sure I’d be making myself choke anyway, so...”

This is a really weird amount of concern. He decides it’s part of the kink and so liking it is fine.

"Making... yourself... choke?"

“...want me to show you?”

"Not really! I don't want you to hurt yourself!"

Snort.

“That doesn’t even count.”

"It is kind of disturbing that you don't think choking yourself counts as hurting yourself!"

If Z consults Kaleva's body language rather than his words to find out what Kaleva is into, he will find that Kaleva is once again gripping the chair white-knuckled and also hard as steel.

“Shut up and watch.”

He returns his mouth to Kaleva’s cock, and this time he pushes his head as far down as he can, trying to fight his gag reflex and mostly succeeding.

Kaleva makes a strangled half-yell. His hands tangle in Z's hair and unconsciously pull hard enough to hurt.

Oh, that’s a way to get him to moan. And subsequently to choke, and try to pull back against Kaleva’s grip.

What if instead of pulling back Z stays exactly where he is and Kaleva sort of half-fucks his face?

Oh fuck okay that can be how this works instead.

Then he will just cough and choke and moan helplessly and try to keep sucking while Kaleva bruises his throat and he jerks his own cock.

Kaleva literally just had an orgasm so this is maybe going to take a while.

On the other hand, someone is choking on and moaning around his cock, and Kaleva is pretty damn sexually frustrated. 

The stream of praise hasn't stopped but it has mostly become a bunch of pleasant adjectives. "Good-- ooooh-- want-- yes-- need-- please-- handsome-- pretty-- good."

Somehow, being facefucked in the blacksmithing shop of Auradon prep by a painfully inexperienced mainland kid who’s complimenting him the whole time is managing to be the hottest thing that’s ever happened to him.

He knows that if he comes too early this is going to be worse for him — from a good amount of experience with the matter — so when he feels himself on the edge he stops, painful as that is, musters up the willpower to wait until he’s not about to tip over to start again, repeats. The moaning takes on a significantly more desperate tone.

Wow, desperate moaning. Desperate moaning is extremely great.

Kaleva notices that Z is trying to stop himself from coming, because all three of his functional brain cells are focused on Z. He stutters out, with difficulty, "you ca-- can come if y-- you want to-- aaaaaaa-- I don't miiiiiIIIIIII--" It trails off into a high whine.

—well, he can’t exactly explain himself—and he really, really wants to come, against his better judgement—

So he does, in the palm of his other hand, shuddering and whimpering and still trying to get air and keep from gagging so hard he ruins the whole thing.

Kaleva is watching Z very intently as he comes and when Z whimpers Kaleva bites his lip and says "fuck" and comes down Z's throat.

He tries to swallow, a few times, and then realizes that it is absolutely imperative that he come up for air right the fuck now.

He yanks with the hand that’s not currently a mess at one of Kaleva’s wrists, whining.

Kaleva lets him go.

He pulls back and gasps for air, coughing into his hand.

He’s a complete mess, hair mussed and tear tracks down his cheeks and spit dripping down his chin.

"You're so beautiful," Kaleva says with a tone of wonder.

“Tha—”

Never mind. More coughing.

“‘S not even true,” he says, hoarsely, once he’s recovered.

"I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"

He shrugs.

"I'm really really sorry-- what can I do--"

“—I’m maybe gonna have a sore throat for a minute, it’s not a big deal. I do worse stuff to myself all the time.”

He looks totally bewildered.

"That doesn't actually make me feel better!!! I don't want you to get hurt!"

“I like getting hurt.”

"I think, by definition, getting hurt is a thing you don't like."

“Okay, sure. Then I didn’t get hurt. Feel good about yourself.”

"I guess?" Kaleva says uncertainly. "You are really beautiful though."

He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand.

"I've seen beautiful people here. They don't look like me."

Kaleva attempts to figure out a way to say "I like the way you look because your hair is all messed up and you look like you were crying" that doesn't sound horrible. Eventually he settles on "I like you better."

“You’ve got weird taste,” he says, but he seems pleased.

“...or you’re kind of a sadist,” he realizes.

"What's a sadist?"

“That might be kinda advanced for an Auradon Prep kid who just learned what a blowjob is.”

"I should probably know what it is if I maybe am one!"

“Somebody who gets off on hurting people, or embarrassing them, or messing them up. Or seeing that happen to them, I guess.”

Oh crap he's a sadist.

"That sounds like kind of a horrible thing to get off on."

He shrugs.

“I’m not good with what’s horrible and what isn’t, but I’m pretty glad they exist.”

Oh god, he's a horrible person. He is a horrible person who likes kissing guys and hurting guys and the library books were absolutely right about sodomy being wrong. 

Time to draw up his legs into his chest and have another panic attack!

“—are you—uh—”

He’s clearly not okay.

"I'm a terrible person," he mutters into his knees.

Nobody’s here.

The door’s locked.

He shuffles over, comes up on his knees and puts his arms awkwardly around him from the side.

“...you seem like a good guy to me.”

"I like hurting you," he says, muffled, "and I like kissing you, and I like sodomy a lot, and I don't think I like normal sex at all."

“...what counts as normal sex, anyway?”

"Vaginal intercourse with someone you're married to? It always sounded really gross to me, and I thought maybe that was because it actually is really gross and it would be less gross if I was in love with someone. But oral sex is also gross and I really really want you to put your penis in my mouth and I don't think that's because I'm in love with you because I think I also want Prince Asher to put his penis in my mouth and it would be really weird to be in love with Prince Asher because we've never talked and also because you can't be in love with more than one person at once. And also I want to make you cry and it would be really weird if I wanted to make you cry if I were in love with you."

Okay wow there’s a lot to unpack here.

“So—uh—it kind of sounds like you’re gay?”

"What... does gay mean?"

“Seriously, nobody has told you this your whole life—it’s when you only want sex with men.”

"That's a thing?!"

He lets go to sit back on his heels.

“Yeah! It’s a thing! And you don’t have to be in love with somebody to want to fuck them.”

"That has in fact ever come up in Auradon. But you shouldn't."

“Why not?”

"Because sex is for expressing your love for other people. Having sex with someone you don't love is like, I don't know, throwing up all your food so you can eat more or something."

“...that metaphor doesn’t even make sense.”

"You grew up around people who skinned dogs for clothing! I really think I'm right here!"

He gets up and moves away, to rinse his hands and check on his work.

“I grew up around people who would beat me if I talked to any deVils.”

"...It is bad to beat children."

“That’s not what they said.”

There’d better be metal files in here somewhere.

"Well, fuck them."

“...yeah. Fuck them."

Oh. There’s the files.

“They said the same things about sex as you do.”

"They're different from people in Auradon because people in Auradon don't beat children."

“I don’t care if they’re different or not. I’m not believing anything they used to hurt me until I know why it’s true.”

Kaleva kisses him. 

??!?!??????!

He pulls back after a couple of seconds looking incredibly confused.

Kaleva also looks really confused about what just happened.

“Why...did you do that.”

"I don't know!!!! Can we do it again."

“...yeah, fuck it. Why not.”

He leans in and kisses him again.

Maybe if Kaleva just makes out with Z forever then he won't have to deal with feelings!

This is probably not going to work but it involves making out with Z, so that's good.

Z will make out with him for quite some time, but sadly, he can’t do it forever.

“...when was the next guy getting in here, again?”

Kaleva glances up at the clock. "...Five minutes ago?"

Oops.

He disentangles himself to go and stuff the metal file and his half-made jewelry in his pockets.

Kaleva takes the opportunity to run away.

...okay.

He tries to make himself look at least vaguely less fucked before he strolls out himself.

He’s pretty sure they’ll be seeing each other again soon.

Okay, that was all extremely weird, but he can just go back to his normal life and pretend it never happened and they never have to see each other again.

Except they’re still in the same chemistry class.

Z has a few new silver spirals in his ears, and this time, every so often, he looks at Kaleva.

It is getting very very difficult to pay attention in chemistry!

He makes a stupid mistake on a quiz. He never makes a stupid mistake on a quiz.

From his expression when it’s handed back, Z appears to have made multiple stupid mistakes on said quiz.

He still looks vaguely frustrated while he’s packing up, after the bell rings.

Kaleva notices, is struck by the impulse to offer to tutor Z, and then remembers that that impulse is terrible and he should stick to his old plan of never talking to Z again.

That night at dinner he drops his tray next to Kaleva and sits.

“You ran pretty fast yesterday.”

"It's honestly less bad when people just throw me into dumpsters."

...ouch.

“You done with this, then?”

"I think what's going to happen is that I'm going to say 'no, no, stop,' you're going to ignore me, I'm going to get turned on, and we're going to have sex, and so probably it's more efficient to skip ahead to the part where we're having sex, unless you get something out of the first bit."

He laughs.

“I was actually gonna believe you this time. ‘I’d rather get tossed in the garbage’ is a pretty convincing fuck-you-leave.”

"Oh, no, I absolutely would rather be thrown in the garbage, I just don't see the point of resisting the inevitable."

“Yeah, okay.”

He picks up his food, stands, and goes to find some other empty table.

Kaleva feels disappointed, because of course he does.