And before she knows she's on stage in a tight bikini that reveals exactly how round her stomach is and how flabby her thighs are, wearing the bright pink Collar of Fate that will transform her body and perhaps her mind. 

It's a fascinating machine. Proprietary mind control technology. No one knows how some of it works. It would be more scientifically interesting if it wasn't going to be affecting her. 

She's self-conscious and wants to adjust the bikini so it covers more, but it's so tight that if she adjusts it something would pop out, and everyone in the entire world would be able to see her breasts that were somehow both tiny and saggy. 

She's not modest! She's just very, very insecure. 

The host-- a guy who had what could almost be called charisma, except that it missed the mark and wound up landing on 'slimy'-- finishes his opening talk warming up the audience. “Yes, folks, it’s time to answer the question that is on all of our minds...Is she a... Bimbo or Billionaire!?”

She stares at the carpet. Why is it that color. Who decided to make it that particular, awful, garish shade of pink. Do men actually get off on everything being that pink. Is she going to have to learn some things about male sexuality that she did not want to know. 

"Let's catch up people who are here for the first time! Behind me are 24 boxes"-- the host gestures widely at a set of 24 hot pink makeup cases-- "each of which has within it a dollar sign or... a symbol of something else. If she picks cash, she goes one notch up the cash column. If she picks something else... well, then we're all going to have a good time, aren't we?"

Makeup cases. Why. Male sexuality is horrifying and this is why she's never been kissed.

"Whenever she opens a bimbo box, you-- the live studio audience-- will get a choice of four options. You can vote, and whichever option wins, Leah will get from our proprietary Collar of Fate. In the event of a tie, both changes will be applied. And, yes, strategic voting is encouraged. The first six bimbo boxes that Leah opens are guaranteed to have only physical changes-- although, well, we have been known to cheat on that now and again."

As horrible as it is to contemplate now that she's about to face it, she's researched the first-round mental changes and they're never that bad. A compulsion to put things in your mouth, maybe, or the need to constantly swish your hips back and forth. Mostly the problem is the opportunity cost, since if she's getting a mental change she's not becoming more beautiful. The mental changes in Voice can get nasty, but in the worst case scenario she can just type all her communications. She does that anyway. 

"I'd like to bring everyone's attention to our case girl, Chrissi!"

Chrissi, a blonde with a face that's both gorgeous and vapid, jumps up and down in excitement about being on stage. One of her breasts-- the size of her head, of course-- pops out of her dress, much to the approval of the crowd.

"Chrissi was the unluckiest candidate in Bimbo or Billionaire? history, getting twelve straight bimbo boxes in a row, all of which were ties and most of which were threeway ties."

"I like threeways!" Chrissi says.

"I know you do." The host chuckles. "Out of the kindness of our hearts, we decided to keep her on the show. Or because she has a blowjob addiction. One of the two."

"Can I suck a cock now?" Chrissi looks at the audience. "Can I suck all of their cocks?"

The host chuckles again. "Maybe after the show, Chrissi."

Oh god what did she get herself into

"Our contestant tonight is Dr. Leah Aarons. Leah, how are you feeling about the prospect of giving your patients a different kind of care?"

Charm the audience, charm the audience, charm the audience...

She did not think through the part where succeeding at this show this involves charming men. 

"I'm not that kind of doctor," Leah says. "I'm a psychologist. I study what makes people tick."

"Didn't Freud answer that?" The host winks. "A cigar... is never just a cigar."

Oh god she can't help herself.

"Actually, Freudianism has been disproven by modern psychology. The only place it really appears in the academy is literary criticism. Human beings evolved to be motivated by sex, yes. But inclusive genetic fitness doesn't just come from having as much sex as possible with whomever you can. If we look at primates, our closest relatives, we see drives for status, pairbonding, collecting resources-- not to mention parenting itself and sheer survival, which--"

The host cuts her off. "This might be easy to forget, Leah, but the audience you're in front of tonight isn't your classroom! So, what are you going to use the money for?" 

"Funding a multisite replication of key psychological findings."

"Wow. Sounds nerdy. I hope we'll be able to change your mind by the end of the show!"

No, because her contract was iron-clad. Fucker. 

To attempt to salvage some audience appreciation, she says, "I'm also looking forward to the physical changes! I think it would be nice to have a"-- oh god, spit it out, she can do this-- "hotter body."

The host looks her up and down. "You need it."

Fucker.

"So, without any further ado, let's open the first box."

"Nineteen."

Chrissi, after counting on her fingers a bit, opens box 19. Leah doesn't even know how counting on your fingers would help. 

"Aaaaaaand it looks like you have one single shiny penny! Leah, what do you think?"

"I think it's a good start."

"That's the attitude I like to see!"

Well, that's a good omen, she thinks superstitiously because being aware of cognitive biases doesn't make her less susceptible to them. 

"Twenty-three."

"Aaaaaand we have-- breasts!"

YES. Tiny humiliating bikini: OVER. 

"And our options are--

"To 'E'ternity. A simple, classic bimbo option, this gives her E cup breasts! Actually, given the size of her torso, they're more like G cups, but none of you people know how bra sizing works, so let's just say E. Her breasts will be noticeably large, but not cartoonish like Chrissi over here."

Chrissi waves. "I like big boobs."

"On a tie, they will be cartoonish. Our second option is Valley of Pleasure. This makes every inch of her breasts as sensitive as her cunt, so having them played with feels like getting fingered and giving a titfuck feels like getting fucked. Of course, this one will also make them bigger so she can actually do titfucks. We don't want to leave her sexually unsatisfied!"

"Our third option is the Cleavage Show. Not only will she have larger breasts, but they'll naturally tend to stick together-- without chafing, of course. As such, she'll have amazing cleavage in whatever she wants to wear."

These all sound great! No way to lose this time. 

"Our fourth option is Man Handled! Man Handled will give Leah a craving to have her breasts played with, anywhere, at any time. If it looks like someone might want to touch her breasts, she'll grab their hands and put them right on her chest!"

OH COME ON

"So, Leah, what are you thinking?"

"Any of the first three would be fine with me, but"-- try to appeal to the audience, they're horny men, she doesn't have zero idea of what horny men like-- "it would be really embarrassing to have Man Handled with tiny breasts like this! So I hope I don't get that one."

"Well, you know what they say, more than a handful is wasted! I'm sure that a lot of men would love to grope these."

"Thank you, but I'd rather have a big pair"-- she can do this-- "so... even more... want to grope them?"

"That's the spirit!"

Leah emotionally prepared herself as the vote tallies came in. She remembered how the consent paperwork had said that, after the first transformation, the Collar of Fate reduced inhibitions and increased arousal. 

("Not too bad," the show's lawyer had assured her. "Like taking a couple of shots."

"If tequila makes your clothes fall off, at any rate!" the host had crowed.)

She would have to keep her wits about her. She'd never been drunk before, but she'd seen a lot of drunk people and they could continue to make okay choices. Maybe it would even help, if it made her more able to be sexy and therefore appeal to the audience. Right? Right????

"Aaaaaaand... it's Valley of Pleasure!"

Fog washed over Leah's brain. She felt... warm, and tingly, and very relaxed, and it was hard to think about much of anything. The fog was... pink, somehow? She didn't know how fog could be pink, but she knew somehow it was. 

She blinked back into consciousness, grateful that bodywarping didn't hurt. She'd seen the vapid expressions on the contestants on the episodes of Bimbo or Billionaire that she'd watched to prepare herself. She just didn't expect vapidity to feel so... nice?

She looked down. Her breasts were nicely sized: not as large as To 'E'ternity would have made them, but significantly more than a handful. They'd stand out in a tanktop or a sweater, that was for sure. They looked round and soft and like they were begging to be touched. 

"How are you feeling?"

She wasn't feeling anything! It felt like wearing a bikini normally did! ...Well, the host had said it would be sensitive like her vulva, and her vulva often didn't feel like much of anything. Like if she had a tampon in. So she wouldn't be running around getting turned on every time she wore a bra, which was convenient, if disappointing to the fanbase.

She couldn't wait to get back in the changing room and try them out for real though.

...unless.

It was the kind of thing contestants did on the show all the time. And it would probably make the audience like her more and get her options she liked better. And--

--there were all the eyes on her, there were so many people watching--

But she wasn't ugly anymore, at least not in her chest area. She had one, or rather two, things that guys would actually appreciate. Her face was still awful but they wouldn't be looking at her face, would they. 

The audience would like it. It would make them happy. They thought she was hot. 

She reached up and tentatively squeezed one of her breasts through her bikini. 

holy fucking shit

The crowd was cheering, but Leah was far too distracted to pay attention to it. That felt amazing. Waves of pleasure had spread through her entire body, just from touching it once. And if she were back in her room-- if she could play with them with her vibrator on her clit-- figure out what really felt good, what made her eyes roll back in her head-- and then she could--

She could get a guy to play with them. Probably. If she wanted. And it would be the best thing in the world. 

The host, she belatedly notices, is waiting for an answer.

"Good!" she says. "It's-- good. I like it."

"Well, as much as we'd love to watch you play with yourself all day, we do have a game show to finish! Pick your next one."

Right. Focus. She could focus.

--This one was all right but if she got more sexy-brain-altering physical changes she would have real difficulty with this game. No wonder it was purely random, if she'd gotten to play with her breasts for a few minutes longer she'd have trouble concentrating on anything more complicated than Tic Tac Toe. 

"Thirteen."

"Aaaaand it's money! You have ten cents!"

Score! Soon she will actually be able to buy something with her winnings!

"Let's try eighteen."

"Oh no, Leah, that's a Bimbo. It looks like you got Face."

Yes! Face, Breasts, and Body were the three that Leah really wanted-- physical changes to parts she's insecure about, not ones that could be imitated with hair dye like Hair and with minimal chance of the embarrassing mental alterations normally associated with Lips and Voice. 

"What do I have?"

"Our first option this time is a classic. Bedroom Eyes! This option creates a classic, sultry look, with big eyes and an almost dreamy appearance. At rest, Leah's face will look like she wants to bring you to the bedroom."

Yeah, that's basically what she was expecting.

"Our second option is Walk of Shame. No matter how she chooses to style herself, Leah will soon find herself looking like it's the morning after and she got fucked last night-- and fucked well. Her hair will be messy, her makeup smeared, and her expression very satisfied."

She will be a slob if it means being a hot slob. 

"Our third option is Dark As The Night. Yes, this is our goth look! Leah will find herself with a pale face, striking black eyeliner, and black lipstick. Thanks to our latest developments in nanite technology, her makeup look will change over time. She's not stuck with winged eyeliner, but can have lines drawn down her cheeks, red eyeshadow, and even eldritch designs."

She had never really seen herself as a goth, but it would be nice to never have to do her makeup again. 

"And our final option is-- well, this is a surprise, I don't think I've seen this one before. Professionally Beautiful. No matter what other options you choose over the course of this game, Leah will look professional, capable, strong, and intelligent. Professionally Beautiful makes her a classic beauty, much like Audrey Hepburn. A fun contrast if she goes full bimbo, don't you think?"

WAIT WHAT?

THAT'S AN OPTION?

THAT ISN'T BIMBO AT ALL! THAT IS THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF BIMBO!

Professionally Beautiful, Professionally Beautiful, Professionally Beautiful--

"So, what are you rooting for?"

Strategy. She can do this. Brief embarrassment now, lifetime of Audrey Hepburn in the future. 

"If I get Professionally Beautiful, I'll-- I'll--" She flushes bright red. "I'll-- flashyouallmynewtits."

"Well, I can't say that's not an appetizing offer. Normally, we have to wait way farther into the show for the contestant to flash us! But I can't imagine that Professionally Beautiful is going to be very popular. This is a bimbo dating show, after all, not a makeover show!"

"I can get used to any of them, I think-- like, Wall of Shame is similar to how I dress already, I keep forgetting to change out of my sweatpants when I'm working and they can get smelly-- um. Wow. The inhibition-lowering aspect of pink fog is a lot. Can you edit that bit out?"

"You don't have anything to worry about! No one wants to jack off to the concept of a girl in smelly sweatpants!"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA PEOPLE ARE GOING TO JERK OFF TO HER SOMEHOW SHE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THIS ASPECT OF BEING ON A HORNY TRANSFORMATION FETISH GAME SHOW

The host waits expectantly. 

"Uh. Anyway. I am already kind of a slob, Bedroom Eyes is what I've expected, and while I've never really seen myself as a goth I think some of the outfits are cool! So I don't really mind the other options. But I would really like Professionally Beautiful."

"Wanting to come on a bimbo game show in order to not look like a bimbo is very weird! Let's see if the audience pays attention to your confused idea of how this show works!"

Well, this definitely could have gone much worse. Face didn't normally have mental modifications, but when it did they were nasty. One contestant wound up able to smell pheromones, so she went into heat whenever someone was attracted to her. This wouldn't be that inconvenient for Leah, because without an actually helpful Face no one would be attracted to her and it wouldn't ever come up, but the opportunity cost would grate on her. 

"Ladies, gentlemen, and miscellaneous, we have a tie! Leah will receive the changes associated with both Dark as the Night and Professionally Beautiful."

Leah had time for a moment of gratitude before the pink fog washed over her and she stopped thinking anything at all. 

When she cones to, she discovers they'd wheeled in a mirror. 

...holy shit, she's hot. 

Holy shit, she is hot!

She has on thick black eyeliner and black lipstick and pale white foundation and someone had drawn the promised eldritch design on her forehead. But she looks-- serious, somehow. Intelligent. Strong-willed. She doesn't dress like this because she was a goth bimbo; she dresses like this because she can dress however she wants and you still have to respect her, because she's earned it. 

And also she looks cute and funny and happy, somehow. 

They have really outdone themselves. 

[Author's Note: Felicia Day has not done a goth photoshoot, I honestly have no idea why, so you can just imagine this for yourself.]

"Well," the host said, "you did promise them a show... Unless you're going to say that because it's a tie it didn't count?"

She could say that, and get out of it. It would be easy.

...And then the audience would never trust her again, and she wouldn't be able to bribe them to vote her way in the future. Parfit's Hitchhiker or something.

And... more to the point, what if she wanted to? She had always wanted guys to look at her. It's just-- before, she didn't try to be sexy, because she knew that no matter how hard she tried to be sexy they wouldn't want her. They would laugh at her, and maybe fuck her if they couldn't find someone better. 

Is it so bad that she wanted to show this audience of men her breasts? Now that she was no longer Leah Aarons, Uggo, but Leah Aarons, Certified Hottie? Now that she knows they might... like it?

She yanks down her top in one quick movement, bracing herself for mockery and laughter. 

There are wolf-whistles and cheers. 

What. What!

This-- she can have this, she can just have this, she can take off her top and men just want to see it--

"Well, you gotta stuff them back in," the host says. "We're not running a porno site here. That's for after you win."

"Right." She tucks her breasts back in her top. 

She can just stop here. She has Face, she had Breasts-- two of the three she really wanted. And the bimbo boxes she hasn't pulled yet have some serious risks. Lips and Voice often come with mental changes, or changes that are just embarrassing-- and that's not to mention the real mental change round, with the high risk of opening Intelligence...

But.

If she stops now, with ten cents... everyone will know she didn't come here for the money. They will know she went on the show because she wanted to be hot, and she couldn't afford the bodywarping to make herself hot. And that was excruciating. Lips or Voice might make her want or do something shameful. But nothing could be as shameful as close-to-admitting-- to the whole entire world-- that she wanted to be beautiful. 

"I think you guys made me look great!" she says. "Thanks so much. And let's try 8."

Chrissi scratches her head. "Which one's eight?"

"The one after seven," the host says patiently.

"Oh right. I'm great at math!" She opens number eight. Lips. 

Ohhhhhhhhh fuck. Her pervasive sense of shame and embarrassment has come to bite her in the ass. Again. 

All she's asking for here is a normal range of facial expressions, no embarrassing mind alterations, and not being stuck looking like she has lip fillers long after they go out of fashion.

That... is not the worst permanent expression. She guesses. 

"Our second option is Sexual Sensitivity. While her lips will not be an erogenous zone in most of her life, when she's aroused, they will become very sensitive-- particularly when something is thrusting in and out. That's right, she will be able to orgasm from giving blowjobs."

That's not that bad! Men really like getting blowjobs, or so she's worked out from sexology journals, so probably it would be good to get to come from giving them. 

"Our third option is Sweet as Candy. Her lips will continuously secrete a sweet substance. This does not change the texture in any way, and of course it's zero-calorie. She can control the flavor!"

Why. She doesn't hate it but why. She is learning SO MANY things about male sexuality from this show and she thinks most of them are Not Right. 

"Our fourth option is Permanent Pout. Leah will continually have an adorable little pout on her face. Though she will be able to smile, any attempt to express a more serious kind of dissatisfaction will just make her look like a cute little girl-- or like she's about to blow a kiss."

Do they have to put one terrible one in each set to keep her on her toes. 

"So, Leah, what do you think?"

"I'm fine with orgasming from giving blowjobs. I have no idea why someone would want my lips to be flavored but I'm not, like, against the prospect? I'd really like to keep my normal range of facial expressions if at all possible."

"Don't worry! Once we're done with you, you won't need any facial expressions other than 'fuck me' and 'fuck me harder'!"

What is with this man. 

"Besides, if you smile, you become happy! Isn't that what psychological research showed?"

"That didn't replicate."

Chrissi stamps her foot. "Those big words hurt my head."

The host leers. "Don't worry, Chrissi, she'll stop using big words soon enough..."

She waits nervously for the results to come in. 

"Aaaaand the winner is... Sexual Sensitivity."

Leah has started to really look forward to that pink fog spread over her brain. It just... feels so good!

It's a bit of an anticlimax when it's over and her lips look and feel exactly the same. Well, she's not giving anyone any blowjobs, so probably that makes sense. 

"I can't wait to try it out!" she says, to reward her fans for not giving her Always Smiling or (God forbid) Perpetual Pout. Look at that not-pouting expression she has right now!

She frowns just to check it's still working. Yes, she can frown. And, God, she looks great when she frowns. Like an ice queen who thinks you haven't quite measured up, and not like a petulant fourteen-year-old. 

"Fourteen."

"Oh, bad luck, Leah. You got Body."

She's fine with being hot but she would like to be a billionaire AND hot! If she walks home with only ten cents... well, okay, ten cents and being the hottest girl on campus with extremely convenient erogenous zones isn't nothing... but it would still be very embarrassing to explain! She'd have to act like she was unhappy about it. 

"Our first option is Amazon! An Amazon body type makes Leah tall, strong, tough, and muscular. She will be able to beat pretty much any man in a fistfight-- and probably pick him up and carry him around too. She can maintain her muscles without any time in the gym and regardless of what she eats. Bet you guys wish you could afford bodywarping, huh?"

Awesome!!!

Wait, men like that?!

"Our second option is Thick. As a thick girl, Leah will be pleasantly plump: a big round ass, thighs like tree trunks, and a belly that moves when you fuck her. This is one for you guys who like your girls on the bigger side. She will have curves on top of her curves. Soft, warm, and very touchable."

MEN LIKE THAT?!

SHE LOOKED LIKE THAT ALREADY! SORT OF! WITHOUT THE ASS AND THE TITS!

She is having a difficult time processing that someone could actually like her stomach. Enough for it to be an option on Bimbo or Billionaire! Could she have been getting kissed all along...?

"Our third option is Hourglass, which is like Thick, but for cowards. As an Hourglass, Leah will have a classic Marilyn Monroe figure: 36-24-34, or for those of you who don't know your clothing sizes, va-va-VOOM." He gestures so you can get the idea.

Okay, that's more like what she was expecting from Bimbo or Billionaire?

"Our forth option is a bit of a surprise! For metanarrative reasons, we are pleased to be able to offer you Demon. As a Demon, Leah will have devil horns, a prehensile tail, enormous black wings, and a body to be damned for. I can assure you that both the wings and the tail are erogenous zones. Unfortunately, we aren't able to offer the ability to create arbitrary material objects at this time."

Okay, that's pretty cool. She's kind of looking forward to collecting all the erogenous zones. But why would anyone think she could create arbitrary material objects...?

"So, what do you think, Leah?"

"Can I leave it up to my audience? You've been really nice to me so far!"

"And we have another two-way tie! Demon and Amazon!"

She likes the idea of being a demon Amazon but these voters are distressingly good at creating ties. 

And then the warm, soft fog washes over her mind again. This time it feels oddly... black?

The first thing she notices when she comes to is that her body feels good. 

She had never really thought of herself as being in pain before. But she'd had innumerable little aches, little pains, that often didn't even rise to the level of consciousness. She doesn't feel those anymore.

What's more, she feels... strong. Tough. Ready to take on anything in the world. Her lungs aren't quietly warning her that if she runs too fast she'll bend over in an asthmatic fit; her arms aren't quietly warning her that if she tries to pick up anything too heavy she will lose control and drop it on her feet. She can just... do things, if she wants to do them.

She also has three new entire limbs??? They have inserted themselves into her body map without any sort of difficulty or trouble. It's as if she's always been able to twitch her tail, curl in her wings, the same way she can roll her tongue or lift up her toes. 

She glances down. The floor is much further away than it used to be, and she has a weird sense of vertigo, which would have made her fall over once but not anymore. 

Finally she looks in the mirror. 

She's tall, as promised, and muscular-- not bodybuilder muscles, but the flat stomach and big biceps and round ass of someone who works out a lot. She has a black tail and enormous black wings and-- she reaches up to her forehead-- cute little horns, that wasn't on the description. The professional goth makeup feels less incongruous now. It looks like: of course Leah would dress like this, she's a demon, but you know that demons are very good at their jobs and you wouldn't want to offend one. 

She experimentally spreads her wings to their full length, flaps them, then pulls them in comfortably. She wiggles her tail. Wow, this thing is prehensile, she could hold groceries with it or maybe even type.

"So, Leah, what do you think?"

"I look like a badass! Thank you!!!!"

"I want to do my job!" Chrissi pouts adorably. 

"Well, then, I guess Leah ought to pick another number.

"No, I want to get fucked!"

"After the show, Chrissi."

Thanks for the reminder that the audience isn't always so benevolent-- and that she absolutely shouldn't wind up drawing Intelligence. 

"12."

"And you have money! Leah, you are now up to $1."

She knows how orders of magnitude works, but it still feels like so little-- especially given all the changes that have happened. At this rate she won't even get $1000.

"What are you going to buy?"

"Do I have options other than a candy bar?"

"A very small pack of condoms! Haha, just kidding, you don't need those. Body threw in complete immunity to STIs and voluntary control of ovulation, absolutely FREE!"

Right, she's not actually doing this just for the money. 

"15."

"Bad luck, Leah, that's another Bimbo box! Looks like this time you have Hair!"

Ah, her look is complete!

"As always with Hair, you have two votes-- style and color. Our color options are Blonde, Brunette, Redhead, and Black.

"Our first style option is Pixie Perfect. Leah will have a short, adorable haircut that just touches her ears. 

"Next is Punk Princess. Like her makeup, Punk Princess will change over time. It allows for a variety of stylish, alternative looks-- from undercuts to mohawks to a bat's nest to a gothy bob. 

"Our third option is Straight to the Butt. Exactly what it sounds like, Straight to the Butt gives her long, straight hair, perfect for a 19th century maiden right out of a gothic horror novel. 

"Finally, Hiding In Plain Sight is appropriate for socially anxious little Leah. Her hair will always be in front of her eyes, no matter what she does to try to pin it back. She will look cute and shy and like she's trying to hide from the world... no matter what she's doing below the neck.

"Regardless of what you pick, her hairstyle will never be inconvenient in daily life or in sex, unless it would be hot."

Honestly, she's pretty happy as long as she doesn't have to style her own hair. (Which she didn't. The closest thing she had to a style was "ratty and tangled.") She's kind of astonished by the implication than men know all this hair vocabulary she doesn't know. What's a bat's nest...?

"And the results are in! Hair color tied-- both red and black! You guys are really into the demon look! Because the two colors tied, Leah's hair will shapeshift to have various ratios of red and black-- black hair with a red sheen, red hair with black tips, red hair with black bangs, black hair with a red underlayer, and anything else you can dream of! And in a closely fought race, right up to the end, hair style ALSO tied! Leah got both Punk Princess and Straight to the Butt. As such, she will be limited to alternative hairstyles compatible with having hair that goes down to her butt, such as Wednesday Addams pigtails, a long braid with chains and spikes woven into it, or even a very striking undercut!"

The black fog passes over Leah's head again. Her scalp feels tingly, like she's receiving a good head massage. And then...

Her hair is a gorgeous iridescent color-- black with red undertones that appear whenever it catches the light. Her hair has been braided and wrapped around her head like a sort of crown, with blood-red roses woven into it. It looks fantastic-- and she's really glad she didn't have to sit still to have it done. 

"Thank you! This looks super cute." She wags her tail in appreciation. 

She can wag her tail in appreciation!!! Best body mod EVER.

"Ready to choose your next box?"

She got all the good ones. The only bimbo box left after this one is Voice, and after that... it's mental changes. 

But she has a dollar. If she quits now she won't be able to fund her replication project-- and they'll all know what she was on here for. 

Even if she gets a terrible Voice, she'll clearly be net positive on appearance. She'll probably even be net-positive on people taking her seriously, what with Professionally Beautiful. She can quit after the physical changes are over, and even if she didn't get any money she'll say she committed to not going beyond the physical changes, and it will be reasonable and no one will have to know that she wanted this. 

"Seventeen." Her voice shakes a little. 

"Money! Leah, you are now up to $10."

"I think I'll buy a book to read!"

"A smutty one?"

"No comment. --Twenty-one."

"Bad luck, Leah, the next one is... Voice!"

She knew she was an idiot to go on this show. Ten dollars. Nothing ever goes her way.

...Okay, she's an incredibly gorgeous goth with wings and a tail who can orgasm from giving blowjobs and can't get STDs, so some things arguably go her way, but COME ON. She could have got those ANYWAY. 

"Remember, Voice only changes the way you sound. The specific words you use are affected by Vocabulary, which is a mental change.

"Our first option is Low and Husky. Leah will have a deep, resonant voice, like Lauren Bacall. Every word she says will drip with sex."

That's not too bad, and it fits with the aesthetic that the voters have been going for. She might escape this unharmed!

"Our second option is Sweet and Ditzy. This is our standard bimbo voice option-- high-pitched, with a lot of vocal fry and a tendency to turn every sentence into a question. Remember, this doesn't change vocabulary-- she can say anything she wants, but she'll just sound like she's from the San Fernando Valley when she says it."

That's predictable. And fine. Lots of women from Southern California have tenure. Legally Blonde is a movie, not a documentary. 

"Next we have A Force of Nature. A Force of Nature will make Leah's voice loud, forceful, decisive, and dominant. Everything she says will sound like a command, and you'll want to obey. You'll always be able to hear her coming-- and you'll always be able to hear her coming." 

That might actually be useful if she's teaching a lecture class!

"And our last option is Speak Softly and Carry A Big Set of Tits. Leah will no longer be able to raise her voice above a normal speaking tone, no matter how hard she tries, and if she's not paying attention she will naturally adopt a breathy whisper. Any conversation she has will feel... intimate." 

That sounds the opposite of useful for lecture classes! Maybe she can get someone to install a microphone system...

"And we have YET ANOTHER tie! Some very effective coordination going on out there in the stands tonight, you guys should be game theorists! Leah will have both Low and Husky and Force of Nature!" 

The black fog rises up from Leah's chest into her throat and her mouth, and then...

She opens her mouth and says "hello!" and nearly jumps. 

What is the sound that is coming out of her mouth?! It is low and throaty and deep, but more than that, it's full of a commanding sense of presence. It demands attention and compels obedience. It sounds like you'd find yourself doing what she wants before she even finishes her sentence. 

This is going to be great for getting students to turn in their homework on time--! And for conferences--! No one is going to mansplain on Leah Aarons's watch ever again. 

"What do you think?"

"I love it!" She's getting into the swing of this. She puts her hands on her hips and says, "you had better vote the way I want you to, or there will be trouble." She expected it to sound nervous, but instead it's just vaguely threatening! This is so cool!

"All right, it's time for the break."

And you know what Leah is going to do with her break? Try out her new breasts. Obviously. 

She should have thought ahead and brought her vibrator.

She heads to her dressing room, locks the door, double-checks that she locked the door, and yanks off the bikini. Here we go.

Okay. So now she's got to just... grab her own breasts? Man. This feels kind of stupid to do to yourself actually.

She reaches up to her chest and begins to massage her breasts and instantly all her reservations are washed away by waves of pleasure.

Fucking herself with her fingers feels good. But her breasts are just as sensitive and she has so much more of them-- much, much more of them, actually, given what Valleys of Pleasure has accomplished-- and everything she does to them feels fantastic, stroking and squeezing and bouncing. It feels like too much and not enough and she just wants more, harder and faster and-- something. If she were in her right mind she would be able to censor what her next thought was but she is so turned on that she can't stop herself from thinking that she wants hands that aren't her own, playing with them and kissing them, even if it is shameful and embarrassing to imagine that someone might want her. 

She runs a finger around her nipple and her eyes just about roll back into her head. It's as sensitive as her clit-- maybe more-- and now she has two of them and she can touch both of them at once, and it is really not escaping her that if she had a guy with her right now she could touch all three of them. God, now she's thinking about a guy sucking on her tits while she jerks off his dick and she's turned on enough that she's about to come just thinking about it--

Experimentally she puts her finger into her mouth and moves it in and out. She moans around it, low and deep. Her finger moving in and out is very nice but it only creates a craving for something-- bigger-- maybe a dildo, people suck on dildos sometimes, right? Or at least she can, even if no one who hasn't been bimbofied thinks this is a good idea-- she should have brought a dildo-- she should have bought a bigger dildo, for the purpose of this show, and then brought it--

A voice from outside says, "Do you want me to guard the door?"

Leah actually does jump this time.

Her voice quavering, she says, "I locked it!"

"The host and the producers have keys. They like to barge in on new bimbos during breaks to see if they can convince the bimbos to fuck them. --Uh, not that you're a bimbo, ma'am. Strong independent sexual women who have been called 'bimbos' by our patriarchal society."

"I wouldn't sleep with them!! I don't even have mental modifications yet!!!"

...wait, when did that become a 'yet'?

"Well, you know, some of the strong independent sexual women do have modifications that make them less likely to turn the host down. Like that poor woman who went into heat when she smelled pheromones. Or that other poor woman who wound up with an uncontrollable urge to put things in her mouth. Or--"

"I get the idea."

...honestly, if the host had walked in while she was busy discovering the new uses to which her nipples could be put, she might have been one of those women. Terrifying thought. 

"...wait, don't you work for the show?"

"Nah, I'm an actor on Mysteriously Progressive Regency Dukes In Love, we shoot next door." 

Wow that show is ahistorical garbage. She will not tell this nice man guarding the door that. "I would appreciate you guarding it, if you're not too busy."

"Nah, I already have makeup on, we're just waiting around for the hairstylists to be done with the Queen's wig. It has a birdcage this season."

"Sounds complicated."

"They misplaced the bird again! So I'm at your service until they catch it."

"Cool, I'd appreciate you guarding the door!"

Back to experimenting with ~*~her new boobs~*~.

Three minutes later, Leah concludes that she can't concentrate on masturbating with a cast member of Mysteriously Progressive Regency Dukes In Love outside her door, presumably able to hear every whimper that escapes her mouth. 

She puts her bikini on and heads outside. 

...only to run into the most gorgeous man she has ever seen in person, with a body like a gymnast and the kind of smile that makes you believe a man is Chaotic Good. For a moment he seems weirdly short, and then she remembers she's now a giantess and being an inch shorter than her means he's like 6'2". 

"Holy shit!" he says. "Um. Respectfully." 

Honestly, she could say the exact same thing!

"So you're... the duke on Mysteriously Progressive Regency Dukes In Love, then?"

"Me? No. I mean. I am a duke. But not a protagonist duke, that's for people who can act. I stand in the background and I misplace my shirt once an episode and every so often I bang a prostitute. There's a lot of very well-written pornography where I fuck the main duke though, they really give my character the depths I am nowhere near competent enough at acting to give him-- oh god I'm rambling sorry. You have wings." 

"I do have wings!" She stretches them out in demonstration. 

A thought occurs to her. She is very pretty now. And... she is not any kind of expert in being an object of male attraction, but her background in psychology suggests that Mr. Not The Main Duke is very attracted to her. So. If she wanted. She could get him to touch her breasts. And maybe experiment with having something a bit bigger inside her mouth.

But a serious question awaits. After all these years of kissless virginity, does she want to save her virginity for someone she loves? Does she want her first time to be sweet and romantic and in some kind of beautiful setting, and not in a skeezy game show's green room that smells oddly of dirty socks? At the very least, should she wait for someone whose name she knows?

... ... ... ... Nah. 

Oh god if she's decided she wants to lose her virginity she's going to have to proposition him. Fuck. This is an advantage to the strategy where the gross host walks in on her. At least she doesn't have to talk to anyone. 

"Doyouwanttotouchmybreasts."

"Pardon?"

Oh god nervousness sounds so weird with Force of Nature she is going to have to stop being nervous or it is going to be even more embarrassing FOCUS Leah FOCUS

"Do you. Want to. Touch my breasts?"

"Uh. Sure? I mean-- yes. Yes, absolutely. Who is going to guard the door." 

"You're strong and I'm strong, do you think if we do it up against the back of the door we can keep it closed if someone tries to open it."

"Probably?" 

"Okay, then. Um." 

How do you do this. She... walks inside?

He follows.

She... takes her clothes off. That's a good step, right? Clothes have to come off for sex to happen. Also maybe he will be so full of lust that he will take over from here and she will get to stop doing things. 

He is staring at her breasts like they're hypnotizing him, except when he's staring at her wings, or her tail, or her arms, or her thighs, or-- there's a lot of her to stare at, is his point. 

That is very flattering but not very helpful.

She... positions herself against the door in the hopes that this sparks something. 

Right, yes, he was supposed to touch the tits and not just stare in awe at the marvels of modern technology at the tits. 

He will do that now. 

This is the best decision Leah has ever made, actually. 

Her hands were good but they were, she concludes, fundamentally inadequate. His hands are warm and big and calloused but still oddly soft, and they do unpredictable things which is so interesting, and also she doesn't have to think or take any actions she can just lie back and float away in a haze of pleasure and then fun things continue to happen to her breasts. 

He was not a member of the studio audience and as such was entirely unprepared for this reaction! Holy shit! This woman is really enjoying having her breasts touched!

...what if he sucks on her nipple. 

jesus fucking christ yes please keep doing that

Right, noted, he will keep doing that. 

Her knees are buckling and her hands are grabbing ineffectually at the man's back and she keeps losing control of her wings and hitting them against the wall-- 

She comes again and again and then she just has one long orgasm, or maybe a bunch at the same time, she can't tell-- her vision's blacking out a bit--

This is the hottest thing that has ever happened to him in his life. 

She had another goal. What was her other goal. She can do this. She will not be distracted by the--- oh, oh god-- fascinating things this man is doing with his tongue--

"Blowjob."

Victory!

"Sure-- uh, which way--"

Why does she have to answer questions instead of putting a cock in her mouth directly!

She eventually manages to reason out what the question was and says, "I don't have a cock."

"You can't make assumptions with these people!"

"Whatever! Can I suck you now?"

Why do they even bother to make the girls stupider, it seems like sex can do this all by itself. 

"Yeah, just let me--" 

He fumbles out of the Historically Inaccurate Regency Pants. 

And now there is a cock in her mouth and--

Why does she have a gag reflex! Whose idea was it to keep the gag reflex! She has voluntary control over her own ovulation and SOMEHOW SHE STILL HAS A GAG REFLEX??!?!!!!?!

Is she okay? Why is she coughing so hard? Shit. He broke her.

How big is this man's dick? She surreptitiously attempts to compare it to the size of her hand. 

That is a penis that is Several Standard Deviations Above The Average Size. 

Great, so maybe she won't humiliate herself with normal-sized penises at least. 

She takes in a less ambitious mouthful. 

Look, he's really not in the mood to complain about what's going on with the hot demon lady giving him a blowjob. 

ooooooh yes yes yes yes that's so good. The weight against her tongue, and the feeling of the skin as it brushes against her lips, and-- oh god she's going to come just from tasting it--

She really hopes that this man doesn't want a blowjob of any particular skill, because all she's doing is chasing what makes her feel like that.

Really, really not complaining about the hot demon lady who's orgasming from giving him a blowjob! This is not a social interaction she has to feel anxiety about! There is no possible way she could get it wrong!

Well, that's good, because she has no space in her head for anxiety! There is only sexual pleasure!

...wow she could touch herself while she does this. She is making new scientific discoveries by the minute. 

She is kneeling and looking up at him and she's touching herself and moaning and she has wings and a tail and the technical competence of this blowjob literally does not matter 

But now her breasts aren't involved! Problematic. 

...The host said something about titfucking, didn't he? And Leah isn't entirely sure what that is but there are really a limited number of ways you could combine tits and a penis, really. Okay, so if she gets in this sort of half-crouch, and she wraps her breasts around his cock and squeezes them with her hands, and then she can sort of catch the tip in her mouth, and if she moves her breasts up and down--

--and that leaves her clit neglected, but she has a tail, she can just flick that over here and--

holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit

Never mind, this is the hottest thing that has ever happened to him in his life, and he really hopes that this is the last new revelation of this sexual experience because if it gets any hotter than this he will be ruined for all other sex. 

Fortunately, he doesn't get a chance to find this out, because instead he comes and then collapses bonelessly to the floor. 

:( no more sex?

Eventually, she is able to form thoughts at all and she scoots over to the guy and wraps her wings around him. 

!!!!!!!!!

Wow. Cuddles are also great. She had mostly extrapolated her understanding of this from a small number of huggy fellow students when she was in undergraduate, since she had no other memory of receiving physical affection, but cuddles are as great as she had thought!

"I am skeptical of the generalizability of your study about access to postnatal care," he mumbles. 

"Randomization on the bubble is admittedly not ideal but it was the--"

What. 

"You're my favorite economist," he mumbles. 

What!

"I'm your-- what?"

"I don't really-- know anything-- about it-- I'm kind of dumb, I just like listening to podcasts while I lift weights and you were on Conversations with Taylor and then I listened to all the other podcasts you were on but I couldn't read your papers or anything because they don't make papers in audiobook--"

What!!!

After rejecting several sentences, she lands on, "has it occurred to you that if you listen to economics podcasts for fun you're not dumb?"

"No? You should see my grades."

"Were you waiting outside my door on purpose?!" She intends to sound shocked, but Force of Nature makes her sound mildly accusatory. 

"Well, um, I mean, a little? I wait outside the door for all the contestants, if they want me to, I just-- was particularly excited about getting to see you. I guess."

She has the sneaking suspicion she could have fucked Mr. Not The Duke in her own body......... that is, if she believed that he could possibly be interested in her, which is a huge blocker.

All kinds of interesting personal reflections about her flaws today.

The lights flicker, which Leah knows means "five minutes until showtime." She quickly dresses-- not that that takes long in a bikini-- and then stops in front of the guy. 

"I want to kiss you," she says, willing Force of Nature not to make it sound like an order. 

"We did kind of do things out of order, didn't we."

She kisses him. It is soft and warm and pleasurable, and it makes her want to swoon. She doesn't know how much of this is Sexual Sensitivity and how much of this is just what kissing is like. She guesses she'll never know. 

Then she smiles and says, "Catch you later!"

"Yeah!"

Okay. So. The game. 

The thing is, she kind of joined this game to get a hot body so that men would want to kiss her, which seems thoroughly to have happened. But she also joined the game to win money! Right now she has only $10, which is nothing towards her replication project.

She shouldn't be thinking about this at all.

There are six bimbo boxes in the mental changes round. Fetish doesn't matter at all-- she's happy to have a more varied sex life. Clothing Style and Vocabulary might keep people from taking her seriously, but she does have Force of Nature and Professionally Beautiful on her side there, she might wind up net-positive regardless. Career and Compulsion are inconvenient but... the audience has been kind to her so far, haven't they? It's not impossible they vote for a Career and a Compulsion that are compatible with a tenure-track professor job. She can do porn on the side. Whatever.

Intelligence...

If she draws Intelligence, she loses everything. Intelligence's effects are picked by the producers. She can't count on the audience to save her. 

Fourteen unopened boxes. 7% chance. Does she dare risk it?

...The replication project is the most important thing in her life. She has to. 

She gets up on the stage in a daze, and not the sexy kind. 

"And the collar announces-- that Leah has broken in the new body!" the host says. 

Oh god she was so distracted by the guy's gorgeous smile she had entirely forgotten this part. This doesn't matter, she'd thought. I'm going to drop out as soon as I get done with the physical changes, and anyway what am I going to do, get so excited about having actual breasts that I lose my virginity to a random stranger in the green room?

Oops. 

How about she just melts into a puddle and dies right now. 

"Yes, folks, she had a good one, with an impressive 27 orgasms!"

From very far away she abstractly supposes that they must have figured out how to divide up the long ones. 

"But the collar reports that she still hasn't had anyone in her new vagina! That's right! This body at least is still a virgin! One of you in the audience RIGHT NOW might be the lucky guy!"

Of all the outdated patriarchal--

"So, Leah, enjoy your first time?"

"What I enjoy is not talking about my sex life in front of hundreds of thousands of viewers," and damn she loves Force of Nature because that was a mic drop. 

"We can change that! Pick your number."

Oh god this is the worst idea and she is going to die. "Nine."

"Money! You now have $100."

Wow! An amount of winnings that actually could be said to be winnings! "Ten."

"I'm sorry, Leah, that's a Bimbo. Your first mental change. And it's-- Compulsion!"

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck at least it's not Intelligence

It'll be fine. A lot of Compulsions are fine. The audience likes her. She'll wind up having to skip everywhere she goes or strike a pose whenever people are looking at her. If she's really unlucky she'll end up freezing unless acted upon by an outside force, which is an annoying disability but that's what Siri is for. 

"Our first Compulsion is Public Displays of Attention. Public Displays of Attention means that Leah will seek attention anywhere-- and from anyone-- she can. From wet T-shirt contests to flashing strangers at the truck stop to something as simple as karaoke night, she'll love it when all eyes are on her. And when she gets attention, she'll find it arousing. The bigger the audience is, the more aroused she is. I'm sure I don't have to remind you about the show the studio audience got last time a contestant got Public Displays of Attention-- and I really don't have to remind Network Standards & Practices."

aaaaaaa that's bad, that's very bad, how would you even have a life with that. She teaches! She gives conference speeches! She can't be getting aroused in class! 

hot

imagine all the guys looking at her, wanting her, paying attention to her and no one else, and she can't get their attention right now, she's too scared, but if it were a Compulsion she wouldn't be scared anymore and she'd get to have all the guys look at her the way that Mr. Not The Main Duke looked at her

maybe if it made getting cited hot then it would be a useful form of motivation to write, maybe it isn't that life-disrupting if she thinks about it

NO. BAD. it is a BAD Compulsion and she doesn't want it. 

"Our second Compulsion is Tease. Tease means that Leah will try to get men worked up whenever possible. She will touch them, let them look down her shirt, talk dirty to them, make sly insinuations, and generally make them crave her-- not that it's hard with that body and that voice. Then, she will refuse to have sex with them, leaving them only their imaginations. Even if she does have sex with a man-- after a considerable amount of begging-- she definitely won't let him finish."

Okay. So, the two awful ones, and now she's going to have the one where she has to skip constantly and the audience will vote for that and she won't have to think about the hot ones anymore. 

This one is much less disruptive of her life, though, and it's still so hot... imagine all of the men wanting her so badly and not being able to have her... the tables have FUCKING turned, haven't they?

No, absolutely not. Besides, she wants to have sex with guys! Sex is great, it turns out! What is the point of all men in the world desiring you if you don't get to fuck any of them?

well he came and the sex stopped and that wasn't great, so if he never comes...

Argh. Hopefully none of the audience is noticing her indecision. 

"The third option is Free Use. While Leah will continue to follow all applicable laws and sufficiently strong social norms, in general, she will no longer be able to refuse sex. She will fuck anyone, anywhere, at any time, no matter what. Even if she's busy, she'll just keep doing whatever she was doing, while she is being used by anyone who wants to have her."

wow this is great if this gets out she won't even have to ask for sex

No! Absolutely not! Never able to refuse sex? That sounds even more time-consuming than the first two! And she's going to wind up having sex in nightclub bathrooms. Well, no, she isn't, because she doesn't go to nightclubs, but if she did she would!

not that disruptive, it said she can read while people fuck her... imagine her skirt being hiked up while she reads in the library and anyone who comes by can

ABSOLUTELY NOT. 

"Our fourth is Eager to Please. Eager to Please means that she will want to make people happy more than she wants basically anything else-- well, other than scientific progress, at least until she opens Intelligence. She will agree with anything anyone says, never say anything that makes anyone unhappy, and proactively keep track of everyone's needs and desires and try to fulfill them. Both their needs and their 'needs', if you catch my drift."

Well, she's loud and angry and aggressive and she argues with people a lot, and also she's socially phobic and pathologically people-pleasing. It would be convenient to only be the second one so the first would stop getting her in trouble. 

"And our result is... Free Use!"

Fuck. 

The black fog overtakes her...

And when it subsides, she doesn't know what she had a problem with! Sex feels so good, what could be more important than having sex all day? She knew how painful it was to have no one who wanted to touch her or fuck her. Obviously she should fuck anyone who wants her to fuck them, to save them from the pain of celibacy! Anyone would do that. What she did with Mr. Not The Main Duke was so hot, why wouldn't she want to do that all the time? Besides, if she had something to do other than sex, she can just do it while being fucked! Multitasking! It's amazing no one had thought of this before. 

She's glad the Collar of Fate made this clear to her. 

"So, how are you feeling, Leah?"

"I want to have sex with everyone here!" she says to the roar of audience cheers. 

"And as a bonus, we have made you bisexual!"

She would once have been annoyed at all these changes she isn't even getting any money for, but she just got distracted by Chrissi!

Chrissi has amazing breasts. They jiggle whenever she walks in the most interesting and enticing way. All Leah wants to do is stare at them-- that is, other than put her hands and her mouth all over them. They just keep moving, whenever she takes a step, and Leah can't tear her eyes away from them-- and then when she does there's Chrissi's ass, and Chrissi's legs, and Chrissi's stomach, and oh god this is why they put her in a bikini. Chrissi should never wear anything but a bikini. Chrissi should be naked all the time. Those tits. Holy shit. 

"I'm sad! This lady is taking too much time! I want to go in the back and get fucked!"

...aaaaaand that's a helpful reminder of why she needs to really, really not draw Intelligence. 

She's not sure she wants to continue this at all actually, because the problem with this game show is that as long as she's doing the game show she's not getting fucked, and getting fucked is the most interesting and important thing in the world. 

But. Right now, if she wants to have a bed on which she can have sex and a refrigerator full of food she can eat to fuel herself for more sex, then she needs to write grant applications. If she keeps going, she will become independently wealthy, and then she won't have to write any grant applications and can devote herself entirely to studying psychology and orgasms. Money Can Be Exchanged For Goods And Time With Which To Have Sex. 

$100. Her chance of drawing Intelligence still isn't that high. It's worth it. 

"Twenty."

"Money! You are up to a thousand dollars!"

You know, drawing Intelligence wouldn't be that bad, if she didn't have to do all this science all the time then she'd have more time for sex--

Wait. 

Nope. That is not a her thought. That is a Compulsion thought. 

She is willing to work with her Compulsion. Sex is in fact fun. She's not so attached to her present hobby (touch-starved lonely sobbing) that she'll refuse to replace it with sex. She is even willing to acquire this "work-life balance" thing the trainings keep talking about. 

But her decisions are not going to be made by mind control implanted in her by a fucking game show. 

Nothing non-mind-control-y changed in the past five minutes. Therefore, any changes in preferences or goals in the past five minutes are the result of mind control, and are to be sandboxed until carefully examined. 

She does not want to lose her Intelligence. She wants enough money that she doesn't have to suck up to grantmakers and then fail to get important work published because they can't get it through their tiny brains that this is important. She is accepting some risk of the former to gain the latter.

She tries to model her previous self's thoughts. (Her previous self should have done this for her before she made mental changes--!) Ten million. She'll stop at ten million, no matter what. 

Now to pick a number and stare at Chrissi's boobs. 

"Eleven."

"Ten thousand dollars! What are you going to do with that chunk of change?"

"Pay grad students to conduct an elaborate multisite trial of a variety of psychological hypotheses, none of which have anything to do with sex in any way."

Part of her is disappointed that the answer isn't even a little bit 'buy outfits that will get men to want to have sex with me,' but that part is Compulsion and to be ignored until further notice. 

"What about a multisite trial of what size of cock is most enjoyable?"

Ooh, he said that like he wants to have sex with her! She should have sex with him--!

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Remember how five-minutes-ago Leah thought he was a disgusting creep?

Why does someone being a disgusting creep mean you shouldn't have sex with them?

Okay, so there's this concept called 'opportunity cost.' There are a limited number of times you can have sex in your life, no matter how enthusiastically you have sex. 

:( 

So if you have sex with disgusting creeps, then you're not having sex with people who aren't disgusting creeps. 

...I could have him in my ass and some guy who isn't a disgusting creep in my mouth?

Still opportunity cost. Because you could have someone who wasn't a disgusting creep in your ass too. 

... ... ...so sometimes. You get better sex. If you don't have sex for a bit?

Right! Like being on this show. If we're on the show, we'll get money, and then we can have more sex in the long run. Wouldn't it be awful if we were busy sucking this guy off and we didn't get to suck off Mr. Not The Main Duke? 

:OOOOOOO THAT IS THE WORST THING

Right.

...She has got to get Mr. Not The Main Duke to be her Sex Babysitter. At least for the short run. For the longer run she'll need someone she actually knows... unfortunately she doesn't have any friends and befriending people while she has Free Use is a bit of a bootstrapping problem. 

What about Asher over in the Economics Department? He's REALLY pretty. 

He's an obnoxious twit and that is not a Leah-five-minutes-ago thought. 

Time to pick another number. "Three."

"A hundred thousand dollars!"

She should stop when she gets to a million, maybe, she is not liking the look of that decreasing number of boxes...

"Two."

"I'm sorry, Leah, that's a bimbo box! And your next Bimbo Box option is...... Vocabulary!"

No one is going to take her seriously ever again. Unless the voters are nice. Worth it for $900,000 in expectation, though. Money buys not only Time To Have Sex but also Respect. 

"Vocabulary changes what Leah can say, write, type, sign, or otherwise communicate! We don't actually know whether Vocabulary changes your thoughts, because for various philosophical reasons it's impossible to find out! Fortunately, you're just screwing her, so you don't have to care about her inner life.

"Our first option is Simply Sweet! Simply Sweet means that Leah can only say nice things to people. She will no longer be capable of insulting them, criticizing them, or even offering an unsympathetic view of their actions. She will be unfailingly kind, complimentary, empathetic about others' problems, and willing to see everything from everyone's point of view. She will be able to disagree, but only in a respectful way that acknowledges the intelligence of the person she disagrees with and the possibility that she's wrong."

Oh, it's the good parts of Eager to Please without the part where she's a doormat! Mind-control solutions to longstanding interpersonal problems, here she comes. 

"Our second option is Positive Outlook! With Positive Outlook, Leah will only be able to say cheerful and optimistic things about her situation. She'll always look on the bright side of life, find the silver lining in any cloud, and any number of other cliches. No matter what you do to her, she'll be chirpy and happy about her situation! It is literally impossible to make her sad-- at least in a way you'd notice!"

So if it changes your thoughts, she can wirehead, and Leah has always suspected that the morally correct action is tiling the world with rat brains on heroin. If it doesn't change your thoughts, then it is the most torturous experience she can imagine. Pass. 

"Our third option is Proper English. Proper English requires that Leah use grammatically correct English at all times: complete sentences, correctly placed modifiers, subject-verb agreement, and no split infinitives--"

"That is prescriptivist bullshit! English isn't Latin! We have the freedom to boldly split the infinitive!"

"Feisty for this late in the game, aren't we? Anyway, in addition to requiring correct grammar, Proper English enforces strict adherence to the latest books of etiquette. Leah will always say 'please' and 'thank you', refer to people by the proper title, and excuse herself before leaving the room. Yes, even during sex."

In spite of being PRESCRIPTIVIST BULLSHIT, Proper English seems very livable. She will just be weirdly coherent during sex, that's fine. 

"And our fourth option is Speaking Your Mind. With Speaking Your Mind, Leah will have to say every thought that crosses her mind-- regardless of how socially appropriate it is or how embarrassed she is by it. She'll just have no brain-to-mouth filter! You will find out every feeling, thought, and preference of your favorite bimbo, especially if it's 'more, more, more!' She is allowed to edit things that she writes, but she may find her fingers pressing the 'Enter' button without her conscious approval!"

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

"So what do you think, Leah?"

"I think it'd be cute if I were sweet and agreeable, don't you, voters?"

"You can say that again! Maybe we'll be able to go an entire round without you insulting me."

Soon enough--

"This was a closely fought battle, ladies, gentlemen, and miscellaneous. For a while it looked like we would even get a threeway tie!"

"I like threeways," Chrissi adds.

"We know. --But, finally, two of them pulled out ahead. Give it up for Proper English and Speaking Your Mind!" 

As the black fog fills her mind, Leah manages to spit out, "I regret that I have but one infinitive to nobly split for my country!"

When the black fog recedes--

"I think I can probably win the argument with myself about what counts as proper English, just as I won the argument with myself about whether to have sex with the disgusting creepy host. However, I'm not sure that this is my highest priority right now, because I already mostly use the high-status English that we have socially constructed as 'grammatical.'"

"Oh, fiddlesticks."

"WHY CAN'T I SAY 'FIDDLESTICKS'? WHY DOESN'T THIS MIND CONTROL RESPECT THE USE/MENTION DISTINCTION? I HATE THE VOTERS SO MUCH."

(A Force of Nature makes this yelling very impressive.)

Much of the studio audience is cracking up. 

"I'd say 'I'm glad someone here is having a good time', but in reality I'm not glad about this at all. I hate you all." To the host: "I mean it that you're a disgusting creep. This entire show is nasty and exploitative. I am being judgmental of the show in order to protect my ego because I don't want to admit that without people like me this show wouldn't exist. I'm engaged in a self-destructive spiral because of the complete failure of both my professional and personal life, which is making me risk the single trait I value most about myself in a desperate attempt to become a completely different person who might be loved. I don't understand why this modification gives you self-awareness but I don't like it." 

"It doesn't normally?" the host offers. "Normally at this point it's more like 'I'm really horny and I want to suck someone's cock.'"

"I am really horny and I want to give someone a blowjob, but I just had sex with one of the actors from Mysteriously Progressive Regency Dukes In Love and that has left me with high standards. Right now I want to have sex with red shirt in row three, black shirt in row five, most of row twelve"-- oh, shit, is Proper English going to make her list off everyone--"etc." She adds desperately. It lets her get away with it. Phew. "I also want to have sex with Chrissi, obviously, but I'm not sure I can preserve my self-respect if I do."

Chrissi understands one sentence of this but it's the important sentence! She heads towards Leah, intent on eating her pussy.

The host waylays her. "Not now, Chrissi. --You are really impressively together for someone who got Free Use. Normally people who have Free Use can't turn down sex. I mean, it's in the name."

"Undergraduate economics has many practical applications." 

"I guess we're all going to have to study harder in school!"

"I think it would be convenient if being aware that I'm in a self-destructive cycle would cause me to not want to be in a self-destructive cycle, but unfortunately my mind doesn't work that way. Seven."

"Money! You have a million dollars! How do you feel?"

"As I go longer without sex, more of row four looks appetizing. I haven't even been without sex for that long. My insatiable sexual desire is going to get really inconvenient, isn't it? I'm not really emotionally capable of processing having this much money. I think this is the first time in my life my household hasn't been in debt. I'm worried that saying everything I think without becoming a much nicer person is going to fiddlestick up my life. I guess I'm a six foot tall muscular demoness, so a lot of people are going to want me to be mean to them. I'm skeptical about whether there are many people who want to be dominated by a six foot tall muscular demoness who is also very, very stupid. Six." 

"Oh, bad luck, Leah! You drew Clothing Style."

"Once again I endure the predictable consequences of my actions." 

"Remember, Clothing Style creates a compulsion for the bimbo to wear a particular kind of clothing. When she's dressing differently from the style she is compelled to wear, she'll feel itchy and uncomfortable until she puts on something appropriate.

"Our first option is Gothic Splendor! Gothic Splendor will require Leah to dress in gothic, punk, scene, or otherwise alternative fashion. In general, the look will be suited to the rest of her overall aesthetic."

"I feel irritated that Clothing Style doesn't just give me magic shapeshifting clothes to go with my magic shapeshifting hair and makeup. I don't want to have to go shopping. I am particularly irritated to have to learn about clothes. I'm concerned that having to say all of my thoughts is making me into more of a female dog. I'm pleased that Proper English doesn't want me to vary my sentence structures. Conditional on having to learn about clothes at all, Gothic Splendor seems fine."

"Hellbent for Leather will require Leah to never wear clothes of any material other than leather. It also ensures that leather is always comfortable for her to wear."

"I like this one because I don't have to pay attention to clothes. I wonder if they make sweatpants out of leather. I'm worried this is going to get sweaty."

"Our third option is Suits and Ties. Suits and Ties means that Leah has to dress in a stylish butch fashion. In order to be compatible with the rest of her aesthetic, Suits and Ties will require that she dresses like a dying Victorian schoolboy at all times."

"I still don't want to have to learn anything about clothes. I didn't realize that men want women to dress like dying Victorian schoolboys. I suspect this list of choices of having been engineered by people with extremely specific preferences."

"Our fourth option is Show Off. With Show Off, Leah can wear whatever she wants... as long as it's as skimpy and revealing as possible. She will also have an uncontrollable urge to, well, show off her body whenever people are watching who might appreciate it. Show Off allows a wide range of options, from a casual down-blouse look that could plausibly be accidental to fully stripping naked in public."

"That's really hot and I want it. I want to be compelled to show off my body because I'm so self-conscious I won't do it on my own, but being the object of desire is the hottest thing I can imagine. I feel incredibly embarrassed that I can't stop myself from saying this. I'm really turned on by being forced to tell you what turns me on, even though I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Saying the previous sentence fills me with more shame and embarrassment. I'm dripping wet."

What if a hole swallowed her up and she DIED, how about THAT. 

"I wish I were working this out in therapy instead of on a kinky game show. I'm worried I'm going to wind up sexually harassing my students. I remembered that I don't have to have students anymore because I'm rich. I still want to tutor people, and I don't want to sexually harass the students I'm tutoring. Maybe I can only tutor people who want to be tutored by a hot demoness dominant. Someone has to kink on being tutored by a hot demoness dominant."

"And the voters chose... Gothic Splendor! After she shifts, we're going to have a break so she can put on clothes, and probably fuck!"

"I am simultaneously relieved and disappointed."

The black fog takes over her mind and then recedes and then suddenly her body is itchy. These clothes are wrong. She can't think straight because all of her thoughts are interrupted by the unbearable wrongness of her clothes. 

This is awful and she can't think, it feels like an IV going into her arm, the sense of invasiveness and that something is there that should not be there--

"I'm not going to be able to control myself while I feel like this," she announces, "but I have to control myself or I'm going to have sex with the creepy host."

"Thanks."

"The only reasonable action is to strip naked in front of hundreds of people, while on television."

The studio audience cheers.

When the bikini hits the ground, a sense of blessed relief overtakes her. She basks in it. 

"All of you are cheering that I took my clothes off. I'm going to masturbate to this memory in the future, but right now I'm too happy to not be wearing a bikini to be as aroused as the situation deserves. Now I'm going to set off to find His Grace, The Duke of Not The Main Duke. I need to learn his name."

As she walks, she says to herself, "If I'm walking naked through a studio set, someone is going to find me and have sex with me!"

"I have limited time. If I have sex with some random employee, I won't be able to have sex with His Grace, The Duke Of Not The Main Duke."

She tries to mutter to herself but Force of Nature makes this almost impossible.

"Wow. His Grace The Duke of Not The Main Duke has an amazing penis."

"He really does."

"I want to masturbate while thinking about his penis."

A passing sound engineer gives her a weird look.

"I promise that this all makes sense in context," she explains to the passing sound engineer in a tone that does not permit contradiction. To herself, she says, "if I go in a corner and masturbate now, then someone will find me and have sex with me, and I won't get to have sex with His Grace The Duke Of Not The Main Duke."

"I'm really annoyed that the creepy host wants to clitblock me by having sex with me!"

She arrives at a set of doors labeled Mysteriously Progressive Regency Dukes In Love. 

She finds someone who looks like a personal assistant. In a commanding tone, she says, "I need to talk to one of your actors."

Her tone, bearing, and appearance make her seem so obviously professional and in charge that the personal assistant automatically assumes she's naked for some good reason he happens not to know about. "Which one?"

"I don't know his actual name. But he's extremely handsome, tall, and muscular. He has a very lovely smile."

"You know how little that narrows it down?"

"He also has a very nice penis."

She HATES Speaking Your Mind.

Honestly, this is not one of the ten weirdest actresses he's interacted with. "I don't happen to know anything about the quality of any of the actors' penises," he says, because he doesn't have Speaking Your Mind and can just lie about how often he sucks off the main duke in the bathroom. 

"He's blond. His role is mostly taking his shirt off, but he also occasionally has sex with prostitutes."

"Oh, yeah, that's Caiden Callahan. He's filming right now."

"Well, he needs to not be filming right now, so he can have sex with me and babysit me to make sure I don't have sex with anyone else," she says in a tone that implies this is a completely reasonable request that he was negligent for not foreseeing. 

He opens his mouth, closes his mouth, decides this isn't his problem, and says, "I'll escort you to the shooting area."

At the shooting area, Caiden is shirtless and tied up. 

"Maybe I should watch Mysteriously Progressive Regency Dukes In Love."