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scenic vancouver
Permalink Mark Unread

Ari is patrolling the streets of scenic Vancouver! Well, actually he's just going to visit Peter, but he's keeping an eye out for monsters along the way. It's a nice night, monsters like ruining that kind of thing. The streets are more or less deserted, it being 2:00 AM on a Tuesday. Ari whistles cheerfully.

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A small figure wanders into the path of a streetlight. She is looking around unhappily. She looks like an eight year old with costume angel wings, until one of the wings extends and shakes itself and then refolds against her back.

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Ari is suspicious!

"Hello!" he says unsuspiciously. "Are you lost?"
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"So lost!" she complains. "Door won't do place!"

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Door won't... maybe she's lost her ability to transition, somehow? He still doesn't know if this creature will be evil or not, but he can't imagine putting her back in the Nevernever would do much harm.

"Do you need to get back to the Nevernever? I can open a gate for you."

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"Back what? Need going nice bar or a Jane world. Gate go there?"

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"I don't know who Jane is, and while I know some nice bars, I don't think they serve portals to your homeworld. You don't know what the Nevernever is?"

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"No-o..."

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"That's... interesting. Why do you have wings?"

(Identities for child with wings that doesn't know about the Nevernever: Faerie with amnesia? Unusually incompetent supernatural predator? Escaped government experiment? Inexplicably humanoid Outsider? Tiny X-Man?)
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"Am angel. Like Mommy." Flutter.

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(Probably not a changeling, maybe some kind of inherited magical mutation, maybe some arbitrary species, why are there so many obscure monsters goddammit)

"Do you know where your Mommy is?"
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"Is home, probably. Am lost."

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Ari sighs. "Do you have something of hers? I can find her for you, if you do."

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Pen peers at herself. "Uuuum. My clothes my shoes my bracelets." Headshake. There's also an opal-looking thing embedded in her forearm, but it doesn't look like it would come off or is likely to belong to her mommy.

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Opal thing! That's, uh, weird. Weird.

"Well, I can track her with a drop of your blood. Do you mind me taking some?"
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"Dooooon't think you can," she says consideringly. "Am safed."

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Ari raises his eyebrows. "Do you mind if I test it?"

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"How do?" she asks.

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"Well, I have a pin. If you're warded against that, I can make up a little spell to just take a bit right out of you. Or if you don't want me pricking you."

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"Spell maybe do work, depends how wishes know it," muses Pen. "Do that, no pins, ew pins."

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He hums for a moment, thinking in proto-Germanic.

"Okay, got it." He takes out a tissue and says a few words.

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The tissue turns bloody; Pen scrunches her eyes shut.

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Ari folds the tissue over considerately. He sits, scratches a circle around himself on the pavement, mutters a few words, and-

the tissue bursts into flames. He yelps and throws it into a nearby gutter. "What the hell!"
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"What? What?" asks Pen, opening her eyes.

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"Uh, either your mommy is behind some... impossibly strong wards, or she's beyond the Outer Gates."

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"Is another world," Pen points out reasonably. "Samaria. This world not even a Jane."

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"Yeah, I'm starting to believe that. Welcome to Earth, I guess. How did you get here in the first place? We have Outer Gates for that kind of thing, I thought."

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"From nice bar. Person broke door," says Pen indignantly. "Door supposed home and did no home instead here!"

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"O...kay. I think I got that. How do you get back to the nice bar?"

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"Can't! Door close door gone door maybe be again but anywhere a door go," says Pen, throwing up her hands.

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"So. You're stuck here. Uh... I can put you up, I guess. I mean, it's Sally's place, but she's out of town and the odds of her saying no to me taking an extradimensional child with nowhere else to go are nil. Do you want to stay with me?"

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"Guess so. Did checking for a one Mommy or one Daddy or sisters and people and nobody nobody."

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"Huh. There can be ones of people? Wonder if there's an angel one of me flapping about in your world. I'd like to meet him, he sounds interesting."

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"I dunno, not recognizing you from space plant party," shrugs Pen. "Most my world people not angels. Serah have a one her and not angel."

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"Disappointing. Maybe I'll give myself wings and be the winged one for him, then. Can you actually fly?"

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"Yeah, 'course."

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"That's amazing. I wouldn't think you could get strong enough wings on the back to lift a human, but I don't know from biology. But I think we might have to do something to hide your wings if you're going to stay on Earth for a while."

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"Is a not a magic world?" asks Pen. "Or secret magic? You do a magic."

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"Well, secret is as secret does. There's no rule against telling people, but for some reason people mostly don't know about it, and a lot of the magic people get really antsy about telling people. But, y'know, screw them. I'm mostly just saying people will stare, and that could be unpleasant."

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"Am angel. Aren't so many. Mommy will going be Archangel, also. People look angels. Give us presents!"

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"Here it's less likely to be presents and more, uh, 'oh my god' and 'are you an escaped government experiment'. And things along those lines. Also, I can guarantee that people will ask if they can touch them, so if that's a bad thing you might want to avoid it."

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"Is rude," says Pen, rustling her wings indignantly.

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"Yes, and asking to touch children is skeevy in any circumstance, but people are, in fact, rude. I can make your wings invisible, is why I ask."

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"Can still do flying with invisible wings?" she asks.

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"Uh, yes, but if you're going to fly I'd ask that you do it in the Nevernever so humans don't hit you with planes and stuff. Sorry."

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"What is Nevernever?"

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"It's a world that's sort of- sideways to this one. It's really pretty, but there's things in it that want to eat you, so you'd have to bring me along for protection. But it's very pretty. And there's no humans except some wizards."

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"I can't eaten," says Pen. "Unless very magic eating maybe so okay you come along... What kind wizards?"

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"Very magic eating, yeah. And eating's not the only unpleasant thing that can happen to lost children in the Nevernever. Best all around if you stick with me. And they're my kind wizards! We do magic with earth and air and water and fire and spirit, and then we do more complicated magic with demons and magic items and- there's a lot of stuff you can do with the complicated magic, it's flexible."

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"What kind demons? Is a one daddy who a demon. He red, extra tall, wings but not angel wings."

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"Demons're just a kind of spirit, not a very nice one. You can summon them to ask them questions or ask them to hurt your enemies and whatnot. Red and big and winged, that's a classic. What's your daddy like?"

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"My daddy a mortal, and adopted Edori, and he call me silly pun names because I Pen short for Penninah."

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"Aw, he likes puns. I like him already."

Ari takes a pocketwatch out of one of his innumerable coat pockets. "What kind of time zone are you running on?"
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"Was almost bedtime when finded bar."

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"Then I think you should probably be getting to bed. D'you want to come along home to the apartment? Oh, and you never answered if you wanted your wings invisible or not, that should be decided."

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"Is okay. Are pretty feather, but don't want poking them anyone. Where apartment?"

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"Just follow me, it's only a few blocks away."

He starts off.

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"Faster flying?" she asks.

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He stops. "Well, I have to get there too, you know. No wings on me."

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"You heavier than looking?" she asks.

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"How heavy do I look? If you can lift two hundred and some pounds of human, then feel free to carry me and I'll give you directions, it's dark enough nobody's likely to see."
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"'Kay!"

And she takes off, with a bit of a running start, and ascends and banks and swoops. Now she is carrying him, one hand under each of his shoulders.
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Ari cackles. Flight! Flying is cool!

"Okay, so... alright, bit different from the air. We want to go forward five streets and left three. Flying is cool!"
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"Is! Is most cool!" Flap flap. "One... two..." She counts streets, turns, glides. "Here?"

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"Yep! Very nice."

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She sets him down neatly and touches down herself and folds up her wings again. "There. See, not heavy much."

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"If you say so!"

Ari leads her to an excessively fancy-looking apartment complex and keys them in. "This is where Sally's apartment is! Her parents bought it for her. Its rent could be paid in 24-karat gold for all I know. Probably is, actually."
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Pen does not quite get the joke. She giggles politely.

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Into the elevator they go!

"Do they have elevators in Angel World?"
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"No. Is Samaria," she adds.

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"Salamiland, yes. Man, do you even have- really tall buildings there? What's the technology like?"

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"Sa-ma-ri-a!" she corrects, stomping her foot. "Samaria. Has not so much tall buildings or technology not now anymore for people using. Used to once did."

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"If it actually bugs you I'll remember it. So... you're a post-apocalyptic angel world? Sounds interesting. That related to the... contraption in your arm?""

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"Is Kiss. Is let Jovah know where am. Not so important but blending in, all have them." Shrug.

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"Is that religion or magic?"

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"For other everyone is religion. For us blending in. Jovah not really the god. Jovah spaceship and Mommy do be captain of. But not telling all many Samaria people, because they scared or confuse or thinking Mommy lying."

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"Huh. Interesting! I'm guessing the discovery of the USS God was a surprise to everyone involved."

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"Discovery what?"

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"Finding out your god was a boat."

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"Is space ship. Sky."

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"I know! I just like putting things weirdly."

The elevator arrives at the appropriate floor! "Alright, time to meet the temporary residence."

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"Is a person house?"

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"It is a house for people! Well, a residence for people. The house itself isn't a person, I don't think. If it is, I apologize."

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"Oh. A Jarvis would be good. Not a Jarvis."

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"Is he a person house? I agree, a person house would be nice. I'm sorry if ours falls short. I can name her Jessica, if that would help."

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"He are them, person houses, person castle one. Name not help. Jarvises can doors."

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"Aw. I mean, if you end up stuck here for years or something I can probably make a house that is also a person, or bind a spirit to- hm, there's an idea. It's a thing about him being a house, right? That lets him do that?"

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"It's..." Pen shrugs. "Not sure. Is a person school building in the scary world, and she doors too, but think maybe person-places have to tasting doors before do them anytime."

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"Aw. Because there's things that have absolute control over places, and if we found one that was a house I could beat it up and sit on it until it opened a door for you."

He opens the door into the apartment, which is, unfortunately, a door to his apartment. It's a nice apartment, though. Tastefully decorated. If you consider reams of crystals and horrifyingly complex nets of silk thread dangling everywhere to be tasteful.

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"Beat up a house? Not nice," says Pen. In the goes.

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"I could ask nicely before beating up the house! Knock on the door politely and everything. Maybe it'd be a very reasonable house."

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"Maybe. Find a house person knowing how doors."

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"There's an idea. I'll ask around for that kind of thing. Are you hungry at all? In a related question, do you know how to cook, because an eight-year-old's cooking is probably better than mine.""

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"Not hungry now. Had cake in bar. Don't know cook."

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"That's all right. I can usually manage ramen, and there's always pizza. Pizza is a blessing in this cold, cold world."

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"I not have tried. Is cold here? Angels not so much of cold."

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"You are entirely precious. No, it's a figure of speech."

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"So precious! Mommy's treasures."

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"As your temporary caretaker, am I allowed to hug you?"

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"Yeah, 'kay."

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Ari scoops her up (careful of the wings) and hugs her! Ari is well versed in the art of hugging. Hugging a tiny person with large wings is an interesting challenge, but one he has faced in the past.

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"Eeeeheehee!"

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He sets her down gently. "So. What now?"

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"Bedtime," she reminds him, yawning.

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"Good idea. Sally nobly dedicates her bed to the cause. She's the second room on the left down that hallway. Bathroom's opposite, you can use Peter's spare toothbrush because he's literally never used it because he doesn't come here. We'll get you clothes and stuff tomorrow, I guess."

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"You have wings clothes?" asks Pen.

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"Humans don't, but I'll bet you I can find something or other among my faerie contacts. If nothing else, I can sew, but I'm not half as good as Sally, so we might wait for her to get back."

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"Sally nice?" asks Pen.

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"I don't mean to imply anything about your mother, but I can confirm for you right here and now that Sally is the single nicest person in any universe. Plus she's got like a million piercings and they're all full of sparkly jewels."

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"There many universes," Pen says.

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"And she is the nicest person in any of them."

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"How you know? Weren't come to any of parties."

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"If there was anyone nicer than Sally, then they would've just collapsed into a singularity full of adopted cats."

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"There a cat at space plant party. He belong one of Mommy having Jarvis castle. He soft."

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"That's the thing about cats, they're so soft. Sally loves them, like half her wardrobe is about cats, but she's allergic. It's awful."

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"Oh, is sad! If Sally so much of nice then when Mommy and Daddy find me they magic a fixing."

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"Oh man. She'll probably hug your mom and start crying, fair warning. And then Peter and I will have to keep her from adopting one per square foot of the apartment."

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Pen giggles.

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"Anyway! Off to bed or you'll be all tired and grumpy tomorrow, probably."

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"Proooobably." And Pen goes to bed and flumphs out her wings to either side of her.

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She is so cute.



Ari summons an acquaintance to ask about setting up a glamor to hide wings, and bargains him up to the address of some weird mutant cobb who works with clothes instead of shoes. Then he works on that glamor in the living room for a couple of hours.

A few hours.

The rest of the night.

Goddammit, this is interesting!
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Pen sleeps until eleven in the morning. Then she wakes up.

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She's likely to find Ari passed out on a stack of math, featuring a very dignified puddle of drool.

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Pffft.

Pen starts looking for food that does not require waking him.
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The kitchen contains a great deal of this! It is the kitchen of an apartment inhabited by Ari, after all.

Most of it is delicious junk. There is also an extremely insistent and slightly dusty bowl of fruit, and the fixings for an army's worth of sandwiches.
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Pen eats an apple and a banana, and eventually figures out how to unwrap some cold cuts and make herself a half-sandwich.

Now she is fed. And bored. What is there for an eight year old angel to do around here?
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There are what might be called an absurd number of books. There are a few gratuitously ruggedized entertainment systems, the controllers to which are, on closer examination, actually low-tech middlemen for the proper controllers, which are encased in leaded glass. There are innumerable shiny things.

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Pen is fascinated by the shiny things! She would like to investigate the shiny things more closely. She does not recognize the entertainment systems, alas.

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Among the shiny things are a number of Sally's spare jewelries, scattered about carelessly. They are amazing. There is also a pedestal holding a sphere of polished amethyst, a platinum mirror covered in gemstones, and a silver anvil inlaid with golden designs. Next to the anvil is a similarly inlaid hammer. Neither looks in any way suitable for actual forgecraft, but they're so pretty.

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Pen plays dress-up with the jewelry and picks up the amethyst sphere and admires herself in the mirror.

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Much of the jewelry requires holes in her face that she does not have, but what she can manage is very fetching! The sphere is heavy. The mirror cooperates with her admiration, until it abruptly does not.

The mirror fogs over. When it clears, it is no longer reflecting Pen; it is reflecting a round-faced lady with an enormous number of piercings, who squeaks. The reflection spins dizzily and is now reflecting hotel carpet.

"I'm sorry, you startled me!" calls a fuzzy voice from within the mirror.
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Pen drops the sphere and squeaks. "Magic mirror!"

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"Yes! Sorry!"

The mirror returns to the lady's face. "Hi! Um. Who are you? And, uh, why are you in my apartment? ...And wearing my old portal necklace?"
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"Am Pen. Sleeped here. Person is nap, so playing with stuff." Wingrustle.

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"You- have wings. Which... person, nap?"

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"Am angel. Wizard person, didn't a naming say."

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"Both people who might have let you in are wizard people... Um, what color was his hair?"

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"Blond."

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"Ari, then. Alright, that... that sounds in character. Where are you from? Why are you here? You said you were an angel..."

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"Am angel. From Samaria. Am lost, because of door broken."

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"I- could you, um, wake Ari? I need him to explain this, I think."

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"He a napping. Rude," Pen says. "Found food all myself."

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"I- um, alright. So- what door broke? Do you mean a portal?"

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"Is door. Never hearing any of ones saying portal. Door to nice bar."

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"Oh. Okay. And your parents are... you can't call them? Or something?"
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"Can't. Is no Jane. Tried finding of ones but none this world."

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"Okay. Um... well, have... fun? I mean, as much fun as... Goodbye!"

The mirror fogs back into a mirror.

The mirror fogs back to Sally. "I forgot what I originally called for. When Ari wakes up, could you tell him that I think I have a lead on that necromancer?"
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"Who is saying thing?"

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"Oh! Sally. I'm Sally."

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"Sally thinks has lead on that necromancer," repeats Pen carefully.

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"Yep! Thank you."

The mirror resumes its reflection.
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Pen twirls. Pen admires herself. Pen experiments with trying to adorn her wings with jewelry not really meant for that.

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The jewelry declines to be attached to her wings.

Ari yawns and opens his eyes slowly. "Child?"
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"Pen! Name Pen. Sally thinks has lead on necromancer."

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"...Oh. Good, then."

He shambles in the general direction of a coffee maker and prepares it for the creation of the water of life.
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"I finding breakfast myself," she brags.

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"Shit, good job, kid," he mumbles. "Uh. Shoot. Good job."

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"Mm-hm. And then putting on pretties, and looking mirror, and Sally magic it."

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"Sally does that, yeah. You put on her jewelry? She's got some that doesn't need holes in places holes should not be, I guess."

While he waits for his coffee to percolate, he pours a packet of instant coffee into his mouth.
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Pen gestures at the jewelry she is wearing. She has been putting earwires through little gaps in her bracelets. "What is eating?" she asks.

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"Coffee. Terrible stuff, never drink it. It's the blood of life."

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"You a vampire?" she asks.

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"Nope! It isn't literally blood, figure of speech. You continue to be adorable."

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"Am. I meet vampires at space plant! There a one Mommy who one and some of more people."

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"I'm guessing they weren't evil, then?"

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"Nope. Friendly vampires. Two kinds."

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"We've got three kinds, one friendly-ish and the other two really unfriendly."

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"One kind party vampires usually unfriendly but at party a nice one."

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"Heh. Don't really think that's possible for ours, for a couple of reasons."

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"Why?"

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"It's complicated, I suck at explaining it, and you're like six years old. Please don't make me do this."

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"Am eight!" she says. "And, and only not grammaring good, am not stupid."

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"Didn't say you were stupid. Said I was stupid. And it's complicated to explain it to just about anybody, at least in terms more complicated than 'they literally can't change'. And then people ask questions about it, and that just makes it more complicated."

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"I understand two kinds vampires! Could too get more kinds."

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He sighs. "I'm not saying you couldn't understand, I'm saying I suck at explanations."

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Pen huffs a sigh. She starts taking off all the jewelry; she's tired of it now.

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Ari's coffee finishes. He pours what looks to be about half the pot into a cup the size of his head. The cup flashes out its excess heat in a plume of flame, and Ari starts drinking.

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Pen is startled by the fire. "Why things being fire around you?" she asks.

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"Whoops. Sorry, I was just cooling down the coffee. It was really hot, so I turned some of the heat into fire."

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"How learning do thing? Having born with magic or getting other way?"

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"Born with, sorry. It's not all convenient, wizards make technology explode and if you do the wrong kind of magic your soul gets all icky. But it's nice to have."

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"Wish it on?" asks Pen. "Like enchanting! Enchanting wish on. Can have when growing enough up. And wishing fixing explode."

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"...Ooh. Wishing fixing explode, I like the sound of that. And I could teach you about magic if you wished it on, magic is fun."

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"Can't now, no wishes. Not enough grow yet. There a kind talking wizard who is better for being child but the ones scare of making attention from a bad other worlds god. Enchanting okay for old enough, wishing okay for old enough, maybe other stuff but them are the best stuff. When Mommy finding maybe she do your wizard kind too."

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"Bad other worlds god would be bad. We have enough trouble with the ones we've got already."

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"This a gods world? They not nice?"

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"Some of them are. Some of them... not so much. And there's a bunch of things that are sort of gods that are just as bad. If your mommy has so many kinds of magic maybe there's something she could do to help out with them, that'd be nice."

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"Mommies are so helping! Not yet doing of get rid the talking wizard god, but do get rid another one, also taking Downside, and lots lots things."

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"Ooh, godbothering experience. I like your mommies, I think."

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"Mm-hm. Are nice and so many. Almost twenty. Many also daddies, and others. Three Dars two Keziah two Ariel. Me only Pen anywhere yet though."

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"That's a lot of mommy! I only had the one. Well, two, I guess, if you count the lady who had me. Apparently she was nice enough. But I think one was enough for me."

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"Our cousinoid Elspeth her daddy only one him also only one Elspeth. Her daddy not at space plant party though."

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"Well, that's a pity."

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"He not wanting look at all of Mommies who not his one," Pen explains.

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"...Fair enough."

Personally, he doesn't really understand that line of thought, but he understands that it could theoretically exist in people who are particularly committed to monogamy. Maybe.
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"Is okay meeting one Mommy who a boy though."

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"...Fair enough."

Heterosexuality: another very strange concept. But again, one he's had time to get used to.
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"Daddies are not having of problem. Neither Sherlocks and Tonies or the - the other one, forget name."

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"They sound like very sensible people!"

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Pen giggles. "Daddies most silliest people!"

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"Well, sensible people can be silly. I, for example, am very sensible about things like potentially meeting my alternate selves, but am extremely silly the rest of the time."

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"Okay, is fair."

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Ari finishes his coffee and stretches. "Do you want to start on getting you new clothes, or making your wings invisible, or what?"

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"Need new clothes. Sleep in leathers, bleh."

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"Well, no time like the present. The tailor I found lives about an hour away with the proper path through the Nevernever; shall we?"

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"Is safe Nevernever with you?" she asks.

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"With me, yes. Long as you follow me. And follow my instructions carefully. But the path's pretty clear, there's nothing dangerous nearby and I can take care of any wandering monsters or anything that might show up."

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"Okay. What instruction?"

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"Like, if I tell you to turn around three times before going through a door, or we take six left turns in a row, or I suddenly shout that you have to hug a tree, I'm not just messing with you, it's all part of navigating the Nevernever."

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"Hug a tree?"

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"Not immediately relevant in this case, but there are certain trees that hate mortals and try to kill us, and one species can be temporarily paralyzed by kindness, in this case hugging. They hang around the Wyld, though. Which is pretty far from where we're going."

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"Okay. I will silly things of you saying if they important. But don't be say things not important just for silly!"

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"Would I do that?"

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"I not know, I meeting you yesterday!"

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"The answer... is probably yes. But I won't do that if you'd rather I didn't."

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"Don't."

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"Well enough. Off to Faerieland?"

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"Okay. Is are fairies? Pretty?"

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Ari leads her out into the hallway. "There are faeries! Many of them are pretty. The one we're visiting is not, and the pretty ones are often not nice; the one we're visiting is. Somewhat."

With a quick slicing gesture, the air opens in front of him. He hops through and falls to the ground several stories below.

"I'm alright!" he calls faintly.
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"Do I following? Room for flap?" calls Pen.

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"Yep! It's just open air!"

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Pen hops through and snaps her wings open and spirals down to meet him.

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"Very graceful," comments Ari, who is standing in something of a crater.

The Nevernever is, as he mentioned, stunningly beautiful. They stand by an extremely tall tree in a forest, the treetops full of brightly colored fruit and brighter flowers. The grass is a bluish green, speckled with tiny black flowers full of crystal seeds. The air is empty of birdsong, but the sound of tinkling bells can be faintly heard.
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"So colors!" beams Pen. "Where being bells?"

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"Those are pixies! They sound like bells. I can catch one for you if you like, it's hard to do but it's fun. Except for the dust. Pixie dust is the devil."

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"What doing with catched pixie so fun?"

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"There's not much to do with one that isn't, like, unpleasantly magical, but they're really quick, and they're slippery little bastards, so it's a fun challenge to catch one."

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"Like catching bird?"

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"Like catching a bug, with your bare hands, without hurting it. At least for the smaller ones, there's big ones that'd be more like catching birds."

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"I like catch birds! I try a pixie?"

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"Sure! Let's see, the bells are that way, so..." He starts in the opposite direction. "And be really quiet, okay? They're too silly to be really alert, but they're pretty skittish."

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"Mmmhm." Sneak sneak.

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They come across the fairy clearing! There are a bunch of tiny glowy insect-looking things flitting about. There's also a couple of winged people ten or so inches long, and any number of winged people between those two sizes.

Ari points at a larger female. Does Pen want to see if she can catch her?
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Pen looks at the small, winged people.

Pen looks at Ari.

Pen does not look pleased.
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Ari looks confused! He brings them into a different clearing, where they can talk without scaring off the pixies.

"What's wrong?"
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"They look people. Not bugs. Is not nice of catching people not having permission."

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"Oh! They look like people, but they're barely like people at all. The biggest ones in that clearing have maybe a few weeks' memory apiece, and the tiny ones can barely think at all. It kind of bugs them when you catch them, but if you give them some honey afterwards it more than makes up for it. They really like honey."

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"Could go offer honey getting them land asking nicely," says Pen. "Stupid people still people still not catching no permission."

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"Well, but I know they would say yes if they knew they'd get honey for it, and it's more fun if they don't know it's coming. Besides, it's not like I'm eating them or something, I'm hardly the biggest threat to the pixie population."

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"Do not scaring small wing people," insists the small winged person, stomping her foot.

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"I just thought it could be something fun to do together. Sorry I offended you."
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"Humph," says Pen. "Do fun nice things. Singing! Flying! Catch real not person bird!"

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"Birds are easy. Pixies are really good at escaping. And we can do fun nice things, I just thought this was a fun nice thing. And was apparently wrong. Sorry."

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"Is okay if sorry," says Pen, mollified.

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"So. Off to see the tailor? Apparently he accepts payment in gemstones, so we're solid."

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"Can't have of bracelets," Pen says, touching hers. "Important."

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"No, I've got, like, a suitcase full of jewels. Is what I mean. I'm not going to steal your jewelry to pay for shit, come on."

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"Okay. Checking."

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"It's pretty much safe to assume that I'm not going to steal things from you. Or, like, punch you in the face, or other generally unpleasant things."

He starts off in the direction they should be going in.

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Pen follows him.

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It's about an hour's journey, as promised. There are occasional whimsical directions; at one point they walk through a tree and come out in an underwater cave (Pen magically shielded from dampness and carried by Ari as he swims to the surface), they have to spin around until they lose their sense of direction at one point, and Ari stops them for a few minutes so that he can take advantage of a vein of corundum directly underneath them. Finally, they arrive at a very large mushroom.

"Before we go in, are you hungry? It's not a great idea to have food around faeries, no matter how nice they may be. It's too easy to insult them with it or accidentally entrap yourself."
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"Had enough of breakfast," says Pen.

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"All right." He knocks on the door to the mushroom.

"Who is it?" croaks a voice.

"A wizard, here to request clothing for a child with feathered wings."

"Fine."

Ari takes this as invitation, and he stoops down to crawl through the door. Inside, he stands up again, despite the fact that he is clearly taller than the roof.
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Pen creeps in after him.

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Inside the mushroom is a much larger room than should be possible. In the center of it there is a single mannequin about twelve feet tall. The walls are lined with large rolls of fabric. Standing next to the mannequin is a profoundly ugly little man who squints at Pen.

"The child?"

"Yes. I have payment in diamonds and assorted raw corundum, which I can cut and shine as you like."

The little man cackles. "Good, good. You! Tiny wing-mortal! Get over here for measuring."
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"Am Pen," corrects Pen, going over there for measuring.

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The little man stares at her for a moment. "There."

The mannequin sizes itself into a duplicate of Pen. Cloth flies around the room assembling itself into a nice little pink and white dress with a cunning arrangement in the back to fit her wings, a description of which this margin is too narrow to contain. "What do you think?"
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"Is okay for walking. Need pants for to fly and only bring these."

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The faerie rolls his eyes. "Pants. Buy pants at the market, I am an artist. How many dresses, how many shirts?"

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Pen looks at Ari.

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"Uh... twenty shirts? And ten dresses?"

The cobb looks at him and decides that he's not going to look extra trade in the mouth. "That'll be ten stones of my choosing, then."

"Criminal. Five."

"Eight, you finagling scum."

"Six, for the Queens."

"Eight, for the Kings, final offer."

"Bah. Fine."

Ari throws his small sack of gems on the counter. The cobb sifts through them, comes up with eight stones, and tells Ari how he wants them. Then he gets to work on the order. It's a very magic-intensive process.
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Pen watches in fascination and opines on the colors.

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The cobb tolerates this, because he has just received an enormous amount of money in the form of gemstones.

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Pen applauds when she gets a shirt she particularly likes.

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The cobb grins to himself. He is satisfied as an artist!

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Hurray!

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Shortly, clothing and gems are finished and exchanged for one another.

"Pleasure doing business with you," says the cobb. "Get out of my house."

Ari follows instructions.

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Pen follows Ari, wearing one of her pretty new shirts but still her leather pants because they may need to fly again.

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"So, it turns out that a long-term glamor over your wings would be way too hard for me considering how far outside my area of expertise it is. So, instead of that I'm calling in a favor from a certain faerie I know. She lives a few hours away, but since you can fly we're able to take a shortcut that makes that about five minutes, which I'm very happy about. Not to sound like a broken record, but are you hungry?"

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"Little bit."

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Ari takes several fruits and various bags of delicious snack garbage from his bag. "Pick your poison. Not- no, not actual poison, it's a joke, pick whichever food. Sorry."

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"What is?" asks Pen, pointing at unfamiliar snack.

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"Chips! They're delicious, and they're awful for you, but they're really delicious."

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"Want trying chips."

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Ari opens a bag of Lays and passes it over. He then takes a bag for himself. Chips!

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Pen likes the chips okay. Crunch crunch.

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Ari also gives her an apple, because Health.

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"Having apple for breakfast," she admonishes.

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Ari gives her several sections of orange instead, then!

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That is acceptable.

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"Ready to go?" Ari inquires once she's done.

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"Yeah. Where flying to?"

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"Straight up! You can handle high altitudes, right? We just have to get onto the first layer of clouds and there's a little mini-portal in one of them."

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"I can clouds!" says Pen. "Um being sure I not ever anyone dropping but if going so high and no one for catching..."

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"Should you drop me," Ari says cheerfully, "the ground is more likely to suffer than I am. Remember how I stepped out a tenth-story window because I didn't want to take the stairs an hour or so ago?"

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"Only being sure," she says. And she takes off and goes up and swoops down and collects Ari and flapflapflaps upupup.

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Eventually they breach the cloud layer and Ari looks around. "Let's see, which... there!" He points to a fluffy cluster the middle of which opens out a few feet above a body of water. "If we go through that there'll be an island with a tower on it that you can fly to."

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Pen flies where directed.

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The tower is made of white crystal, jutting out from an island of black volcanic rock. The waves crash against the jagged cliffs, spraying salty mist onto the shore.

"This lake is actually about a hundred feet in either direction," Ari notes. "Lirrelal just really likes dramatic illusions."
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Pen giggles, and lands on the beach.

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Ari knocks on the extremely large and impressive door. It booms resonantly.

The door is opened by a beautiful woman with a Botticcellian figure and at least three inches on Ari. She smiles radiantly. "Child of the snow. Do you seek to return to my household? I can make an exception to my usual rules, for one so lovely as you."

Ari laughs genially. "Not today, Lirre. Here on business. I need a long-term glamor to hide this child's wings. Preferably tied to a talisman."

"And what will you give me in return?"

"Let's not play games. When I saw you last you owed me three favors. One I spent to free myself. The second I spent on a portal to the mortal realm."

"You're calling in your third? For- this?"

Ari grins. "It's as good a favor as any."
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"Is expensive?" asks Pen.

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"Not particularly!"

"I was not aware you had taken to lying so readily since you left my house," comments Lirrelal.

Ari rolls his eyes. "Alright, yes, it is kind of expensive. But I don't really care. Debts are a currency, currency exists to be spent. And I spend it to help my friends, when I can."
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"...Okay. If wanting," says Pen. "Um but thing? I can put brainphone people if is helping."

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The faerie spares Pen a fascinated glance. "She speaks oddly. And her wings... A fascinating oddity."

Ari clears his throat. "Thank you, Lirre. You are creepy as always."

Lirrelal laughs, a sound of crystal bells.

"But I'm using my favor, so... I bid thee by the debt thou owest me to use thy power to hide this child's wings with your strongest magics, until such time as she wishes they return. And quit being creepy at her."

She makes a noise of irritation and twiddles her fingers. Pen is unlikely to notice any difference, but to an outsider, her wings seem to have vanished.

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Pen peers at her wings. "Still there," she observes.

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Lirrelal snorts. "Maybe you think so."

"Thanks, Lirre. You're a real pal."

She chuckles. "I'd grant you another three favors in exchange for your foundling, if you'd let me have her."

"Aaaaaaand that is our cue to get the hell out of here. If you would, Pen?"
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"Not for giving," Pen says, sticking her tongue out at the faerie, and then she takes off and swoops down to collect Ari.

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She waves cheerfully from her rock.

"Alright, just head for the- oh, you don't have the Sight, damn. Follow the bouncing sparkles, I guess." Ari conjures up a flying sparkleball to lead Pen back to the portal.
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Pen follows the bouncing sparkles. "What sight?"

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"S'a thing wizards have. Lets them see stuff mortals can't, especially magic stuff. And if you open it all the way you can understand it, but that hurts a lot. But if you had the Sight you could find your way to the portal without the sparkles. But, you know, sparkles are easy, I'm not complaining."

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"Oh! Like Glass. She see magic but doing with aura. Or Lazarus but he ingot. Probably am also ingot me and sisters - Keziah already show a doing thing! - except not Dars."

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"Ooh. What do you think you'll do with ingoting?"

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"I dunno. Lot of kinds ingots, and am only Pen, so, isn't as Mommies who all same magic when a magic. One of Mommy who ingot do that thing, so do witch, so do all ones who kinds of thing that do that."

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"Ah. What do Mommies do?"

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"When Mommies a kind magic that do thing, thing is not anybody doing mind magic stuff to the one Mommy. Can't! But not all Mommies. Mine not got thing except by wishes, because, no magic for Samaria, until wishes come."

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"Makes sense."

They land back outside the cobb's mushroom. "I guess we should go home, huh?"
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"Go your home," murmurs Pen.

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"Aw. We'll find your home again sometime, don't worry. Until then, let's go my home."

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Nod, nod.

Home they go.
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"Things to do... hm. You ever played video games before?"

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"No, what are?"

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"Ooh. They're cool, it's like- movies, if you know those, except you control what happens. Sort of. Lemme show you."

He flips a switch, which turns a cog which flips another switch which causes a stick with a comically large glove on it to prod the power button of a very nice TV stored behind a few inches of leaded glass.
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"Not movies neither," Pen says, peering at the setup. "Funny machines."

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"The funnier machine is because if I were to touch the TV myself, it would probably blow up. There's simpler ways to set that up, but come on, that's hilarious. Anyway, I'm gonna start you with a game called Dragon Age, because it's a cool game and you can probably pick it up quickly and I'm not subjecting you to Oregon Trail or something. Fair warning, there are dragons, but there's only like three of them. Pretty disappointing, but what are you gonna do."

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"More dragons than three at space plant party!" giggles Pen. "Flying around space plant!"

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"Man, the multiverse is awesome. Wonder if any of the dragons would let me fight them."

The game starts up. Ari hands Pen a controller, then pauses, opens a cupboard, and removes a much better controller using tongs and deposits it on top of her head. "You can use the actual controller, now that I think of it, I can put myself in a circle so I don't accidentally fry it. It plays way better than the proxy."
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"Why you wanting fight dragons?" asks Pen, taking the controller and poking it curiously. She is familiar with the concept of buttons, at least.

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"Because dragons are big and it seems like it'd be fun to fight them. Nice-fighting, though. Unless there was an evil dragon or something, fighting an evil dragon would be cool. But it'd be fun to spar with a dragon."

Ari takes out a velcro circle about five feet in diameter and sticks it to the carpet. He pricks his thumb on a convenient tack on the edge of the circle to close it mystically, then sits at the side nearest Pen.

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"Oh, nice fighting. Maybe one who a daddy say okay," says Pen. And she begins to attempt to play Dragon Age.

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Ari explains the commands. They're reasonably intuitive. Maybe less so for someone who has never touched a game controller in her life, but she has a seasoned veteran by her side!

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With his help she muddles along. She makes herself a female elf mage character, since there are dragons in this world and that means there should also be elves.

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Sensible enough! After character creation there is a cutscene, and she begins the game in a little area of the Fade. It's all very psychedelic.

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Wander wander.

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Over in this direction there is a mouse who is a person! He says some things about the Harrowing, and how he was an apprentice who failed his harrowing and was killed by the Templars and he's stuck in the Fade as a mouse now. He asks if he can come along with Pen. Then there are several sentences displayed on the screen! One is "feel free to join me, noble spirit; one is "sure, it seems like you could be useful"; one is "no, get away from me you little creep"; one is "I suppose I can't get rid of you, so why not".

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Oh, the poor mouse! Pen picks the first option.

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The poor mouse is pleased. Very obsequious. Further along the path, there are shiny things that want to kill her!

"Okay, you need to kill these guys," Ari says. "This button to shoot at them with your staff. And you can use your spells like so."
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Pen magics at them. Bam!

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The mouse helpfully nibbles at them. The shiny things zap her with lightning a couple of times, but she prevails, because honestly, wisps though.

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"Thaaank you mouse," says Pen, and on they go.

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Along the path there are more shiny things and several glowy wolves, all of which want to kill Pen. And a large spiky bear with a lot of its skin missing. It looks unpleasant.

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"Things here not so much friendly!" Pen snorts. She magics the things.

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The things die.

"You have to go talk to the creepy bear now. He's part of the quest."

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Pen goes up to the creepy bear dubiously.

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It is grumpy and asks her riddles!

"I can help you with the riddles if you're not good at riddles. I'm not good at riddles either, but I've played the game a lot."
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Pen puzzles over the riddles as best she can. "What happens if getting wrong?"

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"You have to kill the creepy bear, and Mouse doesn't get to turn into a bear. Nothing too bad."

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"Oh, I like my mouse though." Pen is very careful with her riddles. She solves them all herself but checks with Ari before submitting her answers.

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She gets them right! They're pretty easy riddles. Mouse turns into a bear. (Not a creepy bear. Regular bear.)

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Can she pet her mousebear, by any chance?

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Attempts to do so will lead to dialogue options instead! Petting is not an option.

"Huh. I didn't actually know you could talk to him. Makes sense, I guess."
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Talking to the mousebear is an acceptable thing too. Pen talks to the mousebear. It is nice to be able to talk with words that are all laid out for her like song lyrics.

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The mousebear is vague and kind of suspicious! But nice, if you don't mind vagueness and mystery.

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And when Pen is out of things to say to the mousebear she moves on.

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"Alright, now for the boss fight. You've got your shiny things for healing, and you can touch the weird glowy rocks to get your magic back, it shouldn't be too hard. Boss is that way."

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"Mmkay!" Pen preps in the recommended manner and goes that way.

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There is a big lava monster over here! His voice is deep and kind of weirdly soothing, despite his ostensible evilness.

“So this creature is your offering, Mouse? Another plaything, as per our arrangement?”

“I’m not offering you anything! I don’t have to help you anymore!”

“Aww. And after all those wonderful meals we have shared? Now suddenly the mouse has changed the rules?”

“I’m not a mouse now! And soon I won’t have to hide! I don’t need to bargain with you!”

“We shall see…”


And then there is a boss fight. It's kind of a pathetic boss fight, though.
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The mouse was not such a nice mouse after all! Grr. Magic magic.

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Well, the mouse is still helping her against the lava monster and its pet shinies! By being a bear at them.

“You did it. You actually did it! When you came, I hoped that maybe you might be able to… but I never really thought any of you were worthy.”

Her dialogue options consist mostly of varyingly angry "so, you're a mass murderer, I guess?" The one that isn't doesn't seem to have been listening to that cutscene.
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Pen chooses a moderately angry and paying-attention reply. Rrr.

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"Well, uh, none of the ones I... none of the ones before had as much potential as you did. But you'll be leaving the Fade soon. Will you take me with you?"

Ari snorts. "Diiiiiiiick," he stage-whispers.
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"Huh?" Pen asks Ari.

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"Oh. I don't like Mouse. He's a dick. ...Your mom doesn't have, like, some kind of objection to me teaching you curse words, right?"

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"Is not much of angelic," says Pen.

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"I am not angelic! Anyway, Mouse is a dick."

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"Well, more any things for to feeding people here, after killed this one thing?" wonders Pen. "Safer bring him?"

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"I mean, you'll see in a minute. Continue, continue, the dialogue in this bit doesn't actually make a difference."

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"Oh." Pen proceeds.

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The mouse turns out to be a demon! THIS WAS ENTIRELY UNEXPECTED

Then the screen goes black and the origin is over. "I hunger," says Ari ridiculously ominously. "I'm gonna go kitchenwards for snacking purposes."

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"Ooh, snacking!" says Pen. "Me also."

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Ari surveys food supplies. "These are all boring," he declares. "D'you mind waiting a couple of minutes so we can get good food?"

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"What doing for minutes?"

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"Bargaining with demons!"

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"...To for groceries?"

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"Nah, just takeout. I never really learned to cook, groceries aren't my style."

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"Okay," she shrugs. "Waiting fine."

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Ari whips an Oriental rug off the floor, revealing a ring set into the hardwood made of braided iron, silver, copper, and gold. He conjures a wind to clean it of dust and detritus, then sets up several items around it, along with a number of candles. He snaps his fingers to light the candles, then sets up the velcro circle for himself. Once he's inside, he intones a Name three times.

A portly demon in a striped hat appears and begins halfheartedly savaging the boundary of the circle. His heart clearly isn't in it, however, and he leaves off after a few moments. "Now that's out of the way, what can I do for you, summoner?"

"Pen, any preferences?"
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"I don't know what Earth foods are there," Pen points out. "Haven't ever been an Earth, only an alike where is not so much of technology."

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"Hm. Let's play it safe, then. Italian, preferably including pizza."

"Certainly. I'll take five ounces of pixie dust as payment, or equivalent."

"Highway robbery," Ari mutters, but he nods. "The pact is sealed. Kal'gzxoth, return to your hellish realm and procure what I desire within five minutes' time. Go!"

The demon vanishes with the smell of applewood-smoked pork.
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Pen sniffs the air. "What food pizza is?" she wonders.

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"Bread, cheese, sauce, various additional delicious things often but not always involving meat. Italian in general contains lots of bread and pasta and creamy sauces and garlic. God damn I am hungry right now. I'd be eating the furniture if Sally wouldn't get irritable about it."

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"...Furniture for eat?" asks Pen, looking dubiously at a chair.

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"Nnnnope. It's hyperbole."

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Pen's English is pentagoned, so she retrieves this word after a moment's thought. "Oh."

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"Yep. Fun, fun. Sorry, I get crabby when I'm hungered."

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Nod, nod. "I liking pasta, anyway."

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"Good. A lot of Italian involves pasta."

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"Serah do a spidersilk pasta in many onion and olive oil and stuff! With chicken. Serah Mommy's best of friend."

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"Ooh. Nice! Sally makes pasta sometimes. Sally cooks with miracles and rainbows and unicorn tears, I never have to summon takeout demons when she's around."

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"Who making unicorn cry?" says Pen.

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"Figure of speech, figure of speech. That's usually what I'm doing when I say something unusually weird."

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"Unicorn go space plant party," says Pen. "Nice unicorn and shouldn't crying. Miracles rainbows also joking?"

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"Yep. I mean, she does sometimes use potions to make it extra delicious, so I guess you could call those miracles, but it'd sound weird, it's just magic."

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Nod, nod.

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After five minutes have elapsed, Ari re-summons the delivery demon after placing a little baggie of pixie dust in the summoning circle. After some cursory slavering, the demon takes the payment and vanishes back Hellwards, leaving behind a sizable takeout container.

"Food! Food food food." Ari lays out the contents of the container on the dining room table. It contains a small pizza, quantities of pasta with various sauces and meats, and numerous molluscs. All of these are in warm ceramic serving dishes, and have clearly just been prepared.

"Huh, I think they got this from Actually Italy. Nice."

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Pen inspects and begins nibbling upon the food.

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The food is very good!

Ari lacks Pen's timidity. He lays into the food like a starving wolf who really likes Italian food. He makes sure not to eat more than half of any given thing in case Pen wants some, which isn't too hard considering the enormous amount of food. It's fairly gruesome, all told.
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Pen is not alarmed by his table manners. Om nom nom. She tries all the things, then goes back for seconds of the best things.

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A week goes by. Ari coaches Pen through Dragon Age (eventually downloading an anti-gore mod so she can play without feeling unpleasant things whenever Alistair crits and decapitates a bandit leader). He introduces her to more video games, because... he doesn't really have that many other hobbies. While she games, he works on enchanting a glamored hair comb for some old lady with large amounts of money. (At this rate it'll be ready in a month or so. He can deliver it ahead of schedule, she'll be thrilled.

He opens many doors. None lead to the nice bar. It's unfortunate. Not that he minds hosting Pen, or anything.
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Pen mopes, occasionally, about not being able to go home. She sings. She plays his video games and eats his food and [shows him the brainphone] and goes flying when there is opportunity to do so and acquires pants to go with her shirts from the cobb and sleeps and reads.

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And the door opens. "Ari, I'm- Oh! Hi. I'm Sally. You're... Pen?"
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"Am!" says Pen. "Hi mirror person!"

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"Hi, yourself. So... you're from another universe? And you're an angel?"

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"Mmhm." This is an admirably succinct description. "From Samaria."

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"...And by Samaria you don't mean the Biblical region of Palestine, you mean another universe that inexplicably uses Judean naming customs?"

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"...Samaria name of continent of planet also world," explains Pen. "Mommy naming world. Mommies doing that."

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"Huh. Because we used to have a Samaria here too, a few thousand years ago. It wasn't a continent or a planet, just a little country. Why did your mommy name the world?"

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"Because is a one Mommy," explains Pen. "They do naming worlds."

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"...Oh. I do remember Ari saying something about your mother being all-powerful. And that she'd probably cure my allergies."

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"Oh sure," shrugs Pen. "Can wish it."

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"Wishing magic. Sounds very handy."

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"Mm-hm. I not yet old for wishes enough so not having any even triangle wishes when going lost."

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Sally nods sympathetically.

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"So only having safes and brainphone. Not even gem for Jane. When finding me they fix, I bet."

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Sally nods again, understanding absolutely nothing.

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"Probably Shell Bell find me or something. Or a one Daddy go here freecasting. But doors do time thing. So maybe taking whiles."

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Sally nods. That seems to be working.
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"You humoring me," accuses Pen. "Don't care what saying so don't ask for more phrase."
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"I'm sorry. It's just- I don't know a lot of the words you're using. But asking for explanations just trips people up a lot of the time, and Ari can probably explain it better than- Ari knows me better, and he can explain later. And he seems to understand you."

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"Is not wrong words is - is -" Pen brings her hands up to her hair and clenches them, tugging on curls in frustration. "Is - not doing of grammar -" She lets her hair go and whirls around, wings almost whistling against the air, and slaps her hand on the whiteboard wall.

Radiating outward from her hand, like ink spreading on a selectively waxed surface, is perfectly tidy English text neatly organized into paragraphs.

Pen pulls her hand from the wall; her skin hasn't picked up any smudges.

She blinks at the paragraphs.
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"Um."
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"Oh!" says Pen. "Ingot." And then she cranes her neck to see the first lines and nods to herself. "Read," she suggests to Sally.

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Sally reads.

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There exist a large number of worlds. Sometimes, people have alternate versions of themselves in other worlds. My parents both have a bunch of "alts", and alts of my mother in particular coordinate with each other and share magic in order to do things. My three older sisters also have a few alts with instances of our parent templates as parents, although I'm fourth and there is only one of me because no other pairs of these people have had four children. My mother is a "Bell" and my father is a "Joker".

The most everyday magic for most of these people is wishcoins. I don't have any with me, but I have several magical wards that were placed with wishes and second-tier access to the "brainphone" telepathic network. If it had been anticipated that I might get lost like this I would also have a gem with an instantaneous wireless connection between it and the central computing power of a computer-person named Jane, who has the ability to transport people and things between any locations she can see. She would have been able to bring me home, probably after dropping an anchor into this world so the Bells could find it later and its rate of time would continue to go by at the same rate as theirs. After this is cleared up I expect to get a gem, and for other children of people who know that Milliways exists to also get gems.

I got lost through an interworld hub-and-bar called Milliways, which, while usually very safe and convenient, had nothing stopping me from mistakenly going out its door while it had not yet completely closed after a departing patron from this world. Normally leaving the bar would have put me when and where I left, instead of here. It is likely that my retrieval will be delayed, or even prevented until I find another door, by the time effect that allows that; but if I
am noticed missing because time passes in my home world without me in it, the likely ways that I will be fetched include one of my mother's alts with power over Milliways's door to walk here after me and then find me with magic, or for my father or one of his alts to use their template-common power "freecasting" to teleport straight to me (wished teleportation powers only work within single worlds or sheaves).

Samaria has an Earth in its history. It and stuff on it were named by very religious people. I'm a genetically engineered angel, like my mother.


Pen is hugging herself and hopping up and down as she reads this.
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"Interesting! And very well-put. Any explanation forthcoming on how you did that?"

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Nobody has ever told Pen that she said something well-put in her life unless they were making fun of her. She cackles.

Pen has been in this apartment long enough to see the whiteboard used. She grabs the eraser, erases a bunch of her writing (she can't reach it all) and swats the empty space.

People whose parents have manufactured a lot of wishcoins are typically born with an innate magic power that sometimes tends to take a while to manifest. People with powers like that are called ingots. This is apparently my ingot power! I like it.
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"It does seem quite useful. I couldn't have put any of that that well, and I'd like to see Ari try. And I'm glad you like it; it'd be pretty unpleasant to be stuck with powers you don't like."

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Erase erase swat!

My parents never tried to fix my grammar problem with magic because they weren't sure if I'd grow out of it and they didn't know how it worked so they worried about messing up my brain somehow. But now I can do this and it all comes out just right really easily!
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"It's good that it worked out this way! I know I'd like to be able to communicate exactly what I meant without tripping over myself, I used to have an awful time of it. I don't know that I'd want that if there were other powers on offer, but I just dealt with it by getting a speech coach, so it was never as much of a problem as it seems to have been for you."

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Erase swat. When I'm older I'll have wishes to do whatever else I want but if wishes would have fixed my grammar problem they would probably have done it already. What was wrong with your speech?

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"I used to say things before I knew what I was saying with them, so I'd stammer and never get anything out. Nowadays I'm very careful about the words I use, and I think out my sentences before I say them. And I sound very refined as a bonus. I have to talk pretty slowly for it to work right, though."

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Pen nods. And then she looks at the hand she has been swatting the wall with and jumps up and down and cackles some more.

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Sally deposits her bag in an armchair and starts taking things out of it. Included in the things is a human skull with walnut-sized black diamonds in the eye sockets, which she polishes with her sleeve and places on a nearby shelf.

She eyes it critically. "Too much?"
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"Ugly," opines Pen.

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She sighs. "I'm afraid you're right. But it's so useful when there's poltergeists around to have something that can devour them... I could give it to Peter, but we're trying to wean him off necromancy, and it's not like he needs any help. Maybe I'll just shove it in the closet and take it out when we need to go ghostbusting."

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Erase erase swat. How does it eat poltergeists and what is a poltergeist? Who's Peter?

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She pauses for a while to set up an explanation.

"The skull takes the energy that lets the poltergeist exist on this realm, takes it out of the poltergeist, and turns it into energy that we can use. Technically it'd work on any ghost, but most ghosts are nice; poltergeists are the mean ones, who often kill people. The necromancer I took it from was using it to kill all the ghosts in the area. And people, but I got rid of that function entirely. Peter is a friend of mine and Ari's. He mostly uses ectomancy- that's magic that has to do ghosts- and he used to use necromancy too- that's death magic- but we stopped him when we found out, because it was affecting his personality. The skull is necromancy."
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Why does magic affect his personality?

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She sighs. "Magic is- tied to who you are. If you use too much of the wrong kind, it'll change who you are as it goes through. Very unpleasant. Peter became gloomy and depressed, he got much more violent, and he was starting to lose his respect for human life."

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Will that happen to you and Ari if you use the skull?

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"It's not going through us, so it won't do nearly as much as Peter using necromancy for everything. And we're constantly doing other kinds of magic. It balances out. But Peter's sensitive to it, and it'd just be asking for trouble."

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You're the experts, I guess.

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"Yep!"

She tosses the skull into a closet. It lands in a pile of various unpleasant-looking implements, and Sally shuts the door.
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A curly-haired man appears in the middle of the room. He spots Pen and grins. "There you are, little penguin."
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"Daddy!" shrieks Pen at the top of her lungs.

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From the kitchen, there is the sound of Ari sitting up very quickly from where he was napping under the table and smashing his head on the table.

"Gah! Attack? Who! Uh... gleh."

He crawls out to the living room to observe the proceedings.
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"You got me," Micaiah says to his daughter. "What happened to your wings? Who are these lovely people?"

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"Wings did - Oh Daddy look this!" says Pen, and then she erases and swats again. Swat!

Look, ingot magic! The guy who just bumped his head is Ari and he found me when I wandered into the wrong world. And that's his roommate Sally. They're nice. Ari got a magical faerie who owed him a favor to hide my wings so they wouldn't get too much attention because this is an Earth and doesn't have any angels native. Did you bring a Jane gem?
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"...She couldn't do that before I went to sleep," Ari mentions. "The glamor'll break if you put her in a circle of iron filings."

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"Want your wings un-hidden, pentagram?" inquires Micaiah. "Look at you all ingoty and everything. Yeah, I brought a Janegem."

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Erase erase swat. Yes please, it'd be weird to go home with nobody able to see them. I can see them just fine so it was easy to forget.

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And at this juncture Jane puts the angel Isabella in the room too. She scoops Pen right up and reads the wall and tilts her head. "I can see your wings, treasure," she says.

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Micaiah wiggles his fingers dramatically. Now everyone can see Pen's wings.

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"Those certainly- those are certainly wings," notes Sally. (She elects to take a step back, because numerous things are happening at once and it's difficult to navigate and formulate her sentences properly. She will be sitting in a nice safe chair for a while.)

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Pen squeezes her mommy, but then says, "Down," so she can reach the wall. When she has been put down, she again erases and swats. I had them before when we talked with the mirror, remember? Anyway, this is my mommy, the archangel-elect and the leader of the host at the Eyrie, Isabella, and my daddy, future angelico, Micaiah.

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"Oh, we missed you getting your ingot power," sighs Isabella.

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"Uh, good to meet you- ma'am? Your majesty? Mrs. President? I promise that I have been taking good care of your daughter and not teaching her various swears."

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"If you want to be formal, it's 'Angela'. If you want to distinguish me from my alts it is also Angela. If neither concern is operative, Isabella is fine. Pen treasure, has he been taking good care of you and not teaching you various swears?"

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Erase swat. He took very good care of me! And my English is pentagoned to begin with so he didn't tell me any words I didn't already kind of know. He doesn't have to be angelic.

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...This Ari person is kind of really adorable.

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Isabella knows that look.

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Ari is not personally familiar with this breed of That Look, but he's seen such looks in the past. A memory pops into his head about a certain conversation regarding Pen's dad not being silly about meeting his alts.

Ari obtains a Look!
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(From her nice safe chair, Sally follows this Look and rubs her temples.)

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Micaiah beams at Ari. "Thanks for taking care of Pen."

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"I mean, I'm not refusing the thanks or anything, but it was kind of the only decent thing to do. Plus I had the apartment to myself for the week, she kept me company and all, we slew unpleasant dragons. Not much to thank me for."

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"...Dragons?"

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Swat. Not real dragons. It's a video game. I want video games at home! They're better than the spaceship computer games, those are silly and trivial, the video games have stories and dialogue options and I like them. We can keep consoles in the spaceship. You should do nice things for them. They're wizards and wizards make technology explode. Be careful of the Janegem.

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"Oh dear." But Jane has been lucky so far; Isabella wards the gem Micaiah has and her own. "Would you like to not make technology explode?"

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"Hell yes. Oh, and while I'm thinking about it, Sally is allergic to cats and that seems to be the same category of Things That Could Be Fixed."

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"Oh, of course." This takes three pentagons to fix both wizards' explosion problems and the one's allergy. "There. Before we go I will also want to leave a Janepoint somewhere to sync time and establish stable access to the world for later, and you'll be able to brainphone her - did Penninah explain the brainphone? - if you want anything else."

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"Yeah, I have brainphone access. And... hm. Even though we're no longer hexing tech, our building kind of gets a lot of magical crossfire. Will she work if I put her underground?"

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"Will Jane work? Jane will work just fine anywhere, although I'd need to put plenty of wards on her point if I were going to house it in a star or something. Do you want to be able to physically go visit the point?"

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"...Right. I guess we'll just put her in more leaded glass. Maybe we could set up a fountain to send running water over the case. And a Greater Circle. And lots of wishy stuff. Are we going to be able to get the wishes for ourselves, or do we need to spend a while proving ourselves first or something?"

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"...I'm going to ward the Janepoint just as I did these gems," says Angela, gesturing at her bracelet. "Other wizards wandering in won't harm her point. The wishes for the gems went just fine so I have every reason to assume they'll suffice for a larger hardware installation. There are at minimum safety lectures associated with the wishes - and giving people coins directly in exchange for them doing us favors has not always gone well in the past. I do immensely appreciate your looking after our daughter, but I do not want to hand you any wishcoins right now."

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"Ah. Well, given reliable enough wards I guess we can skip the Rube Goldberg routine. Pity, I'll miss it in a way. Trustworthiness is hard. From what Pen's told me about you, I'm going to guess you're not going to want to use a soulgaze as evidence?"

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"What's that?"

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"You may have noticed I'm not making eye contact? I'm a wizard. If I meet someone's eyes for more than a couple of seconds, we have this sort of psychedelic trip into each other's souls where we learn about who the other person truly is on the inside. And if you go in with a question in mind, that question often makes an appearance. In my case, I'm pretty sure you'd get 'this guy is trustworthy and can have power without misusing it' in some form or other."

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"...My template is unlikely to take you up on this, but we're willing to trust the words of a variety of people who will not necessarily have such a reaction to the concept. And one or two of me may want to investigate how this property of local wizards interacts with wished and other mental opacity and consider risking one soulgaze with a known person a reasonable tradeoff."

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"I'd do it," shrugs Micaiah.

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"For example. Speaking of investigating the properties of local wizards, do you mind if I invite one of my alts here to have a look at the place?"

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"Glass," says Pen.

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"Sure. I mean, invite who you like, honestly, I don't own the place."

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Angela glances at Sally. "Do you?"

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"I own the apartment, but I think he meant the world. Anyway, you can invite who you like, you seem to have sound judgment. As long as they don't track mud onto the white carpet, but the white carpet's on the other side of the suite."

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"Glass will not arrive with muddy shoes."

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Glass arrives. Her shoes are not muddy. "Hi, Pen! Oh, good, you weren't lost too long. How are you holding up?"

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"Am gooood. Got ingot power." Erase erase swat! It writes everything out nicely for me!

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"Oh, good for you! Okay, world, hello... goodness, there's a lot of magic around here."

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"The apartment is a bit saturated, sorry. We do a lot of craft projects."

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"It's all right, technically what I'm doing to look at the world is different from what I'm doing to see the magic. We'd want Lazarus if we wanted a detailed look at your spellcraft anyway. The system looks interesting, though. Angela, don't look them in the eye."

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"I've been warned."

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"How polite. The world is not a very nice world. Just barely shy of Sunshine. Not the same family, not Wellspring-style magic, just - not friendly. Is this a sheaf?"

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Erase swat. Yes, there's another subworld called the Nevernever. Ari took me there to get clothes and a hiding spell for my wings.

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"But a smaller sheaf than a Sunshine world. Basically this is a crepe to Sunshine's pancake."

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"Tasty," comments Micaiah.

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"Anyway. I see you've already warded the Janegems. I recommend being very thorough and quick about that - maybe conjure the gems and points with pentagons or hexes in the first place, or ward them before entering the world - because I don't know how much the effect might travel through the ansible, but you've been lucky so far. But nothing's going to sneak around the wards, particularly - sufficient brute force doesn't look abundant and the world isn't perverse like Materia, just sort of unpleasant to live in if you're not positioned right. Did you only want a generic diagnosis or is there anything else I should look at?"

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"If I knew where the Outer Gates were I'd try to get you to take a look at those, see if there's something you could do to shore them up... Do you think you can cure dark magic corruption? Or maybe prevent it from happening in the first place? I mean, not that I'd want to break the Laws willy-nilly, but Peter's necromantic shit sure was useful."

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"...I can teleport to well-specified locations, so you not knowing how to get somewhere may not be an obstacle, though if they're the sort of thing that requires shoring up I might want to know more before I turn up at them. Just in case. I can have a look at your friend."

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Dark magic corruption sounds like the kind of thing Keziah and Céleste could fix.

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"Pen's sister Keziah and her alt Céleste," explains Angela, "have slightly different flavors of the same ingot power, which lets them magically decontaminate things. I'd like to have Lazarus look at anything they're going to touch first, of course. What Laws do you mean?"

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"You will probably want to know more about the Gates, yes. They protect our world from an endless sea of horrible sanity-rending monstrosities. The Laws of Magic are seven rules that designate the types of magic that inevitably corrupt the souls of any who use them. The distinction between legal code and physical law is fairly thin in this case. We could... brainphone Peter and see if he's doing anything, then just summon him up? I assume you can summon people."

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"It's slightly more efficient to teleport to people and pick them up, usually, but yes. Glass, is this like the Sunshine addiction thing?"

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"Not... really? I mean, it's the obvious analogue, but they're not closely similar."

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Ari tilts his head. "Peter's free. He says that he's 'creeped out, but unsurprised' that I accidentally tripped over an interdimensional cabal of omnipotent clones."

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"We're alts, not clones. We know some clones and they don't turn out as alts of their originals," laughs Glass. "Should I go get him?"

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"Yep. I use wrong words for ease of conceptual access, sue me."

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Glass snorts and pops off to where Peter is.

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Peter is currently putting down a cup of coffee.

He looks at Glass.

"I assume you're my ride."
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"Yep. All set?"

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He takes another sip of coffee.

"Yes."
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Pop.

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Ari promptly hugs Peter with crushing force. Peter bears this with dignity.

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"Jane, if you'd see if Lazarus is available for a consult?"

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[Sure.]

[Hey Lazarus!]
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[Yes?]

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[New world - Penninah got lost in it via Milliways mishap. Somebody for the Griffins to maybe decontaminate if you give the okay. Other interesting magic to look at. This a good time?]

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[Reasonably good, yes.] He turns up at the local Janepoint.

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Poof!

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"Goodness," says Lazarus, peering around at everyone and everything.

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It's very bright.

The whole place is warded, of course. The wards are brutal and efficient, but very fair; what you put in, you get out. Knocking on the door might feel a bit harder than usual, a crowbar to the lock would be nasty but nonfatal, trying to shoot your way in would be... unwise.

Almost everything is glowing with some magic or another. The mirror links up to the mirrors in Ari and Sally and Peter's pockets, the scattered jewelry all burns with various effects, Sally's face (covered with various piercings) looks like a road flare. The three wizards in the room are obviously powerful, especially in their areas of expertise. There's a closet over there that's warded heavily inward, full of nasty magic things. Speaking of nasty magic, Peter's magic looks distinctly unpleasant. He should get that looked at.
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"Goodness," he repeats, now peering exclusively at Peter. "Um."

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"Give it to me straight, Doc," he says gravely.

It looks like... evil. Like a little seed of evil was planted, and it's blossomed into a great big patch of evilflowers. He did something, something wrong, and it latched onto him and started to turn him into the kind of person who did that more, and then the kind of person who did worse and worse things. It's not in its final stages, whatever those might be, and it's clear he's been fighting it, but it's not nice. And there's hints, in the pattern of those evil little flowers, of what the end stages might be. From playing with death to killing for his own ends; from killing to searching for knowledge he was not meant to know; from searching to doing. Doing the bidding of what lies beyond.

He may note, at this point, that this is not the only layer of this world. And if he squints, he may note that the layer behind it has remarkably flimsy walls. And- he should probably stop squinting, after that.
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"...Oh dear," says Lazarus. "Well, first of all, you have been doing bad magic that wants you to do more bad magic and someone should probably get a Griffin and clean that up for you. But more importantly, this world has deeply terrifying magical problems. Glass, did you not notice the deeply terrifying magical problems? Does no one know about the deeply terrifying magical problems? Someone should do something about the deeply terrifying magical problems."

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"...I'd rated the place as loosely Sunshine-similar," says Glass. "But you're the specialist, here - what are you seeing?"

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"If only one Griffin, which, and are these deeply terrifying magical problems such that we shouldn't be just standing around here?" wonders Angela.

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"I did mention the sea of horrible sanity-rending monsters, correct? I distinctly recall mentioning that. Anyway, they haven't gotten in so far."

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"Either will do, both would be better, Keziah is slightly more relevant," says Lazarus. "There is certainly a sea - well, an entire subworld - of horrible monsters. My power won't even look directly at them. I have never met something my power refused to look at before. But I can see enough of their properties indirectly to be extremely worried. The situation is stable, there is a barrier between here and there, but it's not a terribly impressive barrier and if something damaged it enough the consequences would be dire."

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"How damageable is it, how amenable is the barrier to wished improvements, is there likely to be anything worth not destroying about the subworld of horrible monsters, if not will a tenner do it, how do our wards stack up if we try to approach to investigate, likewise torching? Jane, go ahead and ask Keziah and Céleste over, notify Rose."

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Keziah shows up first.

"Yikes," she says to Peter. "I'm here to fix that, right? I want to fix that. Céleste will help."
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"Torching remains torching, they couldn't destroy you, but they could make you extremely uncomfortable," says Lazarus. "I would not trust your wards against the horrible monsters. They are very infinite and very horrible and seem to be able to circumvent most magic by default. Wished improvements could improve the barrier but I am not sure they would improve it enough. I cannot see anything worth saving about the subworld of horrible monsters. I think a tenner would probably work, but I think it would be a very, very good idea to check with the Downside admin about whether this world can be properly linked to her afterlife before trying it, in case something goes wrong. And if she says it can't, then I recommend evacuating the universe and sending in someone who doesn't mind being potentially trapped in an infinite sea of horrible monsters to try the tenner."

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"I can go ask her. Easier to point out the world if I torchable somebody first or bring a native along. Who wants to be really, really immortal?"

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"Wait," says Peter in something of a panic. "We're destroying the Outsiders? Without even considering how we could use them to our advantage? Do you have any idea of the kind of power contained in the Void? Think of what we could do!"

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"Blech," says Keziah, and she lunges for Peter, reaching for his head.

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Peter instinctually flings out a hand, and the room feels cold and the shadows lengthen and-

nothing happens. His head is reached, and he starts thrashing around.
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Lazarus eeps.

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Keziah is undeterred. She grabs his head. She gets ahold of his gook and she yanks. This would be easier with Céleste, but she can do it without. Begone, foul ick.

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And if Peter were thinking of trying anything else, now he can't.

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"Fuck! What- why-"

Ari looks for a course of action, decides that he has no fucking idea what's going on, and settles for assuming a combat stance just in case.
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Sally's finger comes to rest on the sapphires set into her lower lip. Very casually. Suspiciously casually.

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"Everyone stop doing alarming things," says Lazarus.

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"Lazarus, Keziah, local wizards if you have anything to add, please inform me when your friend is no longer disposed to attack my daughter, such that I should allow him to so much as twitch again."

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The local wizards nod.

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They do not exit battle-ready positions.

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Meanwhile, Peter's corruption is being a real bastard to get rid of. It's like prying someone's fingers off of something they're desperately trying to keep. While they bite you frantically. Keziah's got the upper hand, but it's very, very stubborn.

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"Keziah, what's happening?"

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"It's nasty. Can I get Céleste to help?" says Keziah, voice tense with effort.

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"...Leave it alone for now, treasure. I didn't mean to call you in early but clearly there is more to the situation than we knew. Micaiah, will you please take Pen home? And before anything else happens, I would like a more complete assessment of what's going on."

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Keziah scowls but drops her hands. "It jumped! It got worse all of a sudden when he said the thing about - power and Outsiders!"

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Micaiah nods, and cues Jane to send Pen back to Samaria, and freecasts after her.

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Ari straightens up slowly. "...The Outsiders thing, that wasn't in character for him. That much I know. He wants power, but ordinarily he'd- recognize that there are better ways to get it standing right in front of him. And he's been honestly trying to recover from his Lawbreaking, he doesn't want to add more wood to the fire."

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"And... that attack was meant to kill her. Shred her soul right out of her body. He wouldn't have done that. Not to a young girl, especially."

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"Jane," says Angela, "put Keziah back for now."

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"But Mom -"

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Zoink.

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"He really wouldn't have-"

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There is a flash of light and a heavenly choir.

There is a woman in the room.

She looks displeased.

"Alright. Which of you chucklefucks is going to explain what the hell you're doing here?"
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"Eep!"

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The Bells immediately turn to Lazarus for an explanation.

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Ari turns pale and throws himself to the ground. If kowtowing will keep this thing from obliterating him, he'll bang his head on the floor as much as it likes.

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Sally does much the same.

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"Alarmingly powerful person who is substantially involved in why the infinite sea of horrible monsters has not overrun this universe yet!" says Lazarus.

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[...Alarming by your standards or ours, Lazarus? Jane, Glass should bail -] Angela's aura creeps out with a hum of answering choir and angelic benevolence.

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Jane whisks Glass away.

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"What are you doing? Stop that. Choirs are my gig. And you did not tell me what the fuck you're doing in my domain."

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Angela politely withdraws her aura and attempts to construct an answer.

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[She is pretty extremely omniscient in an alethiometric sort of way and I would not bet anything we have against her except torching and maybe tenners,] says Lazarus. [Someone should ask the admin about this world.]

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Angela makes an executive decision.

In the same motion she makes a wish and tells Jane to bail them out.

The wish leaves a device on the floor of Sally and Ari's apartment.

It is a computer.
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YHWH alethiometrically notices the simultaneous sudden existence of a computer and nonexistence of Angela and, a moment before, nonexistence of one of those magic things.

There is no longer a computer on the floor of Sally and Ari's apartment.

She turns to them. "You. Sniveling humans. What were they doing here?"
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"W-w-ww-ww-we-"

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YHWH glares. "Some sniveling human who can actually talk. What were they doing here."

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"They were visitors from another world," Ari says, as quickly as he can while maintaining clarity. "One of them has a daughter who ended up here because of a magical interdimensional bar called Milliways. I took her daughter in and cared for her in the week that she was stranded here, then her father teleported here and found her. The women were going to reward me for helping the one's daughter by giving me the magical powers that they had and by destroying the Void."

He does not sarcastically thank her for driving them off. That seems like a bad decision.
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"How in the fuck were they going to destroy the Void?"

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"I have no idea. They seemed fairly confident that they could do it."

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"Ugh."

She taps her foot, thinking. "Maybe they'll come back and I can interrogate them."

She sits in Sally's armchair to await this eventuality. (Like she's got anything else to do.)
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And the mortals cower, with slowly growing headaches, as far away from her as possible.

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A man appears, standing just where Micaiah was when he left the universe. He looks like Micaiah, in a way similar to how Glass looked like Angela, but he is not the same person.

He isn't carrying any magic, but he has some - the Gift of magical amplification, and the capacity to mint, and the capacity to enchant. His aura is not out. He has a sensory synth capable of letting him mint off himself with no external intervention, among many other uses. He is extremely immortal in the same way as the rest of the extradimensional visitors.

He looks around, identifies the one in the armchair as the probable threat, and says: "Hi!"
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YHWH makes an effort to smile. It is... a valiant effort.

"Hello. I'm afraid I may have... gotten off on the wrong foot... with your friends."
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"You're apparently pretty scarily powerful," he says with a shrug. "Makes sense they got scared." Crooked smile. "I'm not scared, though. So what's the deal?"

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"Your friends came into my universe unannounced and started doing strange things with strange magic. I came in... somewhat flustered, and demanded explanations, and their squeaky man said that I was 'scary', and they vanished in short order. The cowering humans over there tell me that your goals align with mine. Namely, we all want to get rid of the Outsiders. Is it possible we could... work together?"

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"Probably," says Corona. "What's the deal with the Outsiders, exactly?"

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"Infinite writhing sea of horrible sanity-rending tentaclefuckers. Very unpleasant. They think that the existence of this patch of reality, and the life inside it, is something of a personal insult. I spend most of my time and energy keeping them out."

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"Well, that sounds annoying," says Corona. Alice is getting explanations from Lazarus and relaying them to the Joker-link. "Apparently we can probably take care of that for you, though. Except the squeaky man really, really wants us to check if your world can be backed up first in case something goes horribly wrong."

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Stella's aura coinsorter will cough up a tenner when consulted about the problem of the infinite horrors. "Doable, if we want to let a tenner anywhere near her."

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"The idea of backing up my universe intrigues me. I would like to hear more on this subject. Elucidate, please. What the fuck are you talking about."

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"We know this sorta death-god person who's like an enormous cosmic packrat, and if she hooks up to a universe she can recreate anything that was ever destroyed in it," Corona explains. "If we can grab somebody from this world to go show to her, she can check whether your world can be backed up like that. Some can't."

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"I cordially invite you to take one or more of my cowering humans and do that immediately."
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"Sure," Corona says cheerfully. He picks the one Micaiah was flirting with, and sends a view of him through the link, where Sue and War simultaneously bounce it to Jane.

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Jane puts him in the office Downside.

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Which is manned by yet another alt of Pen's mommy's alts!

"Hi. Sorry about all this."
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"Jesus. Thanks. Spare a wish on fixing this headache?"

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She fixes the headache. "Okay to have the admin of the Most Common Afterlife peer at you and use you to find your world? Promise the place is nice since we fixed it up. Maybe not as nice as mine."

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"Thanks. Sure, fire away."

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[Admin, there's a fellow in the office from a newly encountered world. Is it conventionally Downsideable?]

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[Yes. It seems to have an existing afterlife, but one that is startlingly incomplete and did not interfere.]

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[You already took it? What was in its afterlife, and have those contents noticed?]

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[A subset of the aware life of that world, and no. Merely linking that world to my domain had no direct effects on it whatsoever, only on its availability to me.]

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[Okay. Thanks.]

"All done. Do you want to go back, or hang out here until this blows over?"
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"Hm. Stay in the tastefully decorated waiting room, or go cower from the deity whose mere presence causes intense pain... I think I'd rather stay here. Any chance you could get Sally and Peter out too?"

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"Jane?"

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Jane brainphones the Jokerhive again (having already informed them of the results of the experiment). [Can I get a view on the other two humans? The one I took thinks they would like to also leave.]

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Corona relays a view of the other two, and says aloud for the local god's benefit, "She backed up your world no problem."

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Put, put. Peter is still prevented from doing anything.

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But Amariah takes the liberty of fixing their headaches.

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"Oh that feels nice. Thank you. I don't suppose you could put Peter back in working condition?"

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"Angela put him out of working condition because he attacked her kid," says Amariah. "I am not a kid and my kid is not nearby, but I'd still rather skip being attacked."

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"We keep saying he's not usually like that. You can make him temporarily unable to use magic or something if you want, we just want a third for Go Fish."

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"Mm - if I let him talk and move that'll do the trick? Will it let him do anything unfortunate - not dispositionally, I mean practically will he be able to do much with that? If he manages to do anything unfortunate while allowed to talk and move your credibility goes down the crapper, FYI."

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"He'll probably be irritable about the destruction of the Outsiders, the fact that a little girl attacked him, and the fact that we didn't do anything about the little girl attacking him," predicts Sally. "And the fact that we had to argue you into un-paralyzing him. He can't do anything meaningful without magic, though, unless you count 'try and fail to punch one of us in the face,' which is pretty unlikely anyway. And he can play cards while he's whining."

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"All right. I am nearly omnipotent, there is somebody actually omnipotent over this entire world on call, and I have personally slain the Regent of God with the dagger I'm wearing, fair warning."

And now Peter may move and speak.
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"I didn't mean to try to kill the little girl," is the first thing he says. "It was reflex. There was something coming for my face and I needed it not to be doing that, on account of usually when something's doing that it wants to kill me."

"Fair point," nods Sally. "That would be a very good argument for you catching her and slamming her into a wall, for instance. When exactly did you acquire soul-shredding reflexes?"

Peter opens his mouth.

Peter closes his mouth.

"I remember something being said about Go Fish."

Sally takes out a Bicycle deck and begins setting up.
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"I can't guarantee Angela wouldn't have reacted the same way to attempting to slam Keziah into a wall, but it would have been a much wider margin of safety on the kid's wards. Heck, you might have just been caught by surprise by angelic super-strength."

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"You're going to penalize people who have been living in a supernatural warzone for having conditioned reflexes to 'something is going for my face with unclear intentions'?" asks Ari neutrally. "That seems a bit unfair. My reflex when something is doing that is very, very similar. Would I have been supernaturally removed from action by our... benevolent... invaders?"

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"Violent reactions to thirteen-year-old angels whose involvement has been previously discussed trying to touch your face when their gook-o-meter says something nasty's going on in your brain?" says Amariah. "You might get a token apology from Angela, if you asked, but she's the sweetheart. It's a good thing Pen never startled you."

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Ari turns to the game before he has such a reaction to Amariah.

It is a very, very tense game of Go Fish.
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Meanwhile, YHWH has been doing a happy dance.

Finally, she turns to Corona. "Okay, so what do I do? Do I need to be involved in this process? Just say the word, what needs doing that an omnipotent being can do?"
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"Well," says Corona. "Mostly you need to not fuck with me while I make a wishcoin big enough to wipe out your horrible monster problem and then use it. This splitting headache I'm getting from your mere presence, is it something you're doing on purpose or is it just a side effect? Never mind, it's useful."

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"Oh, side effect. Sorry. Or not, I guess. I didn't realize that'd happen to humans I didn't even create. I could fix it if you wanted, which you apparently don't. I could also cause you immense amounts of pain on purpose, if you want. Just say the word."

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"Nah, thanks, I've got it covered," he says cheerfully. And he sits down on the floor and puts his head in his hands and reaches for the headache with his Gift and turns it up up up.

Coins pour into his coinsorter, starting at hexes and moving rapidly through stars, evils, niners - he slows down a little, then pushes harder - and when he has a handful of tenners, he stops. He waits a few seconds for the pain to subside to merely agonizing levels before he defangs his newly created coins (hex up to star up to evil up to niner, niner to defang everything at its level and below, more niners to defang the four tenners) and stands up again.

"Okay so tell me about your horrible monsters," he says. "And you can fix your headache now, I'm done playing with it and it's a little distracting."
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"So that's how that thing works," YHWH muses. (She considers lifting a coin of some denomination. At length, she decides against it. Having to cooperate with people is weird and uncomfortable.)

She fixes the headache. "Just outside the Nevernever, there's an endless sea of what the mortals call the Outsiders. They're powerful, they can pretty much ignore most magic, and looking directly at them for too long will make you go insane. I made this universe to have an obvious weak point, called the Outer Gates, so they'd focus their efforts to destroy everything there instead of just popping the universe like a bubble. Then I stationed an unbelievably massive army of faeries at the Gates and hoped they wouldn't be able to cooperate long enough to just punch through the tougher points and pour in. Which, fortunately, they aren't."
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"Okay..." says Corona. "And Lazarus got enough of a look kind of around them that targeting shouldn't be a problem... and no matter how badly I fuck up, there's still the admin."

The Joker-link conducts a brief consultation about this course of action. Nobody can think of a good reason not to do it.

Corona wishes on a tenner.

There are no more Outsiders.

"Poof."
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"That's it. They're just- gone. Everything I had bound up in, in maintenance, it's all back."

She starts chuckling, and it grows and grows until it's a full-blown cackle. At its peak, she vanishes with a crack of thunder.
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Corona relays this to the link, who in turn relay it to their respective audiences.

He waits a few seconds to see if she's going to come back and say anything else.
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A voice appears in his head. Can I have one of those coin things?

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"Hey, new world residents, what's your opinion on the general benevolence and trustworthiness of Headache Entity?"

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[I'm concerned about what she is possibly doing with the spare attention and power,] Angela puts in. [As excuses for being a god over an Earth in Sunshine-level condition go, "distracted by monsters" is close to acceptable, but it doesn't guarantee we'll approve the new direction.]

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Corona bounces the question about coins to the link to be reported on, and asks out loud, "What for?"

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[I'm likewise concerned about what she'd do with coins, although I suppose it's encouraging that she hasn't stolen any.]

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"How the hell should I know? Apparently she's God, so you can make of that what you will."

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They're cool as shit and I really want to play with one.

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Corona bounces that too. "Seems like a good reason to me, but I'm asking my friends for advice first."

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[She didn't specify a denomination, but it's possible she could figure out minting in general with nothing more than a triangle, and obviously minting has capacities she didn't previously possess. What does she want?]

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"They're kind of worried about what you're gonna get up to with all your horrible monsters gone," he adds, "but I'm getting the sense it won't be anything too bad."

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Well, currently I'm in Acapulco having a drink and celebrating, you know, everything. Once that's done I'm probably going to go around eradicating all of the evil that accumulated while I was out. And putting Anduriel in an oubliette full of fire and filling his blood with ants and- doing things to Anduriel. He's a dick.

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"Filling his blood with ants?" giggles Corona, bouncing these assertions to the link. "What'd he do?"

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[...We vote no on helping her unless she can be calmed down on the ant blood business. And would like more details on the evil.]

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The things he's done would fill books. The ones you're likely to care about include genocide, attempting to end the world, countless cases of torture, rape, murder, brainwashing, transformation of innocents into horrible monsters... I could go on.

She pauses. And he betrayed me. Which is unforgivable.
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"Got it," says Corona. "My friends really aren't keen on helping you out if you're going to be filling people's blood with ants, though, even total assholes. And they're a little worried about exactly what you mean by eradicating evil."

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She reappears in person, a lei around her neck and a coconut shell in her hand. "I'll destroy the things that are evil. Demons, vampires, predatory faeries, etcetera. What exactly is difficult to understand about that?"

She takes a sip. "And my revenge on Anduriel is non-negotiable. If you attempt to stop me, you will fail."
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"I'm not gonna try to stop you," says Corona, relaying these new developments to the link. "I don't know shit about your world, do you actually have a bunch of species that are nothing but evil? Most of that type of thing we've found in the rest of the multiverse has an exception or two."

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"I mean, they don't have souls. There might be a couple who mutated in such a way that their essential purpose isn't horrible, but I wouldn't bank on it. And without souls they can't change or be cured or whatever you'd do instead of killing them."

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"Really? What are souls like around here?" he asks. The link continues relaying the conversation to interested parties.

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"Well, you've got one. I don't, but my essential purpose is complex enough that it doesn't matter for practical purposes. Souls are what let you mortals just sort of- exist, without being anything. You're not defined by the need to make shoes or eat people or murder lost children or something, you just sort of... happen. Anything without a soul does what it was made to do, and everything else is secondary."

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"Huh," says Corona. "Could somebody give them souls? With, you know, shitloads of shiny magic?"

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"Ew. That's weird. You could do that, but like. Why do you want to do that."
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"Well, some of them might think it was a better deal than dying," he suggests.

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"Yeah, a lifetime of agonizing doubt without the clarity afforded by their essential natures sounds so much better than painlessly ceasing to exist. They aren't made to be- fluttering about in the wind like you are. If I was a nixie and you excised my desire to drown wayward children I'd take a nail gun to my jugular."

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Corona shrugs. "Still seems like it might be worth offering."

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"You can offer, but no one will thank you."

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"Not even as an alternative to being obliterated? Wow, these people must really not want souls."

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"It'd be like instantly going from two dimensions to three and not having any idea how to deal with them. And feeling crippling guilt about all of the horrible things you've done over three thousand years of absolute knowledge that what you were doing was right. And 90% of your friends are dead. Oblivion is a fucking cakewalk."

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"Okay then," he says. It's not like they can't just wake up all the obliterated evil individually and ask them their soul-related preferences after the admin collects them. Does not seem worth arguing with the god over, unless his audience has different opinions.

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His audience would like to double-check that none of these people have friends not slated for destruction who might miss them. Elsewise the low-conflict solution of pulling the obliterated creatures from Downside and applying creativity without going through God seems good to them.

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Corona suspects God will have no idea and not be especially interested in finding out, but figures it's worth asking. "Except, I guess, if any of them have friends who aren't evil," he says. "Then it would kind of suck for the friends."

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"...I guess it's possible? But the things I'd be destroying are the things that are essentially purpose-made for killing anything with a soul. You can check the species for mutations that'd make them less evil, if you like, I'll delay this until you're comfortable letting me stop them from devouring more innocents with every passing moment."

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He shrugs. "I wouldn't know how. You could maybe check before you get with the obliterating, though."

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"Ugh. Fine. I just thought the onus should fall on the moralists, especially considering your shiny alien magic, but I guess it's my job now."

She concentrates for a few minutes, sorting through all of the malevolent soulless looking for those who should be spared.

At length, she looks up. "All I found was a vampire who thinks he's some kind of superhero and a cabal of demons who deliver groceries in exchange for pixie dust instead of murdering people. And there's a bunch of them who fit themselves into human society, and some of them have 'friends', but they're just saving them up to eat later. Can I make with the cleansing now?"
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"Sure."