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nor am I out of it
it would be better for her if she had never been born - Epilogue: Lilia, Alex
Permalink Mark Unread

Lilia goes to an evil druid she knows for the good reincarnation, the one that leaves you looking like a younger version of yourself. She starts showing a Lawful rather than a Lawful Evil alignment aura, because she knows how to do that. She doesn’t actually atone. She feels vague contempt for the concept. It won’t change where she goes when she dies, and while she does not really believe that her deeds would on the whole be considered Evil with the right framing she doesn’t particularly want to do any gymnastics to tell a different story internally about what she did and why. The gods can judge her if they can get their hands on her.

Her international contacts mostly answered to her in her capacity as spymaster, and then to her successors, and are now all lost. Her domestic contacts mostly answered to her personally, often not knowing that was who they reported to, and the smart ones have fled the country but that leaves quite a few who are very prideful, or very stupid, or who are savvy enough to correctly suspect they can come out ahead in the mad feeding frenzy that is the dissolution of the entire governing apparatus of Cheliax.

The feeding frenzy is without any precedent she can think of, and she adores it. The Church is out, obviously, and its property being divided up among the churches approved to take its place, wide-eyed young people who learned of their new gods by radio broadcast being appointed to posts of substantial power as the clergy of major cities. The nobles are - also mostly out, if you can see the writing on the wall. They’re nearly all Evil and nearly all soul-sold and the Iomedans want spoils nearly as much as any army and are far more constrained in where they’re allowed to get them from, but Evil Asmodean nobles work great. The Crown government as separate from the nobles is in even worse disarray. Lilia saw Andoran after the revolution. You could get quite far with a powerful Good aura and a claim you’d been on the right side. And Andoran hadn’t been throwing out their non-foreign nobles.

She spends the first two months after the war rebuilding her domestic organization, at great expense which she recoups by knowing exactly when and where you can extort people for everything they own for a Teleport to Absalom. 

Her job is fairly impossible to do if you have to follow the law, but she really does her best to at least only do things that are arguably breaking it. She extorts people only about fates that she didn’t herself arrange, and when she blackmails them about crimes they are up to, she reports them to the appropriate authorities even if they pay her (never actually having promised them she’d do otherwise). She commits no murders, and prevents some here and there. When her servants annoy her she orders them out of her sight instead of having them tortured. 

And when she has the material for a really exceptionally valuable report she makes an appointment with the ruler of Cheliax, Lord Marshal Alexaera Cansellarion, under the name they were using previously. She is genuinely looking forward to it, but mostly because he can’t kill her and has got to be by this point quite unhappy about it and she really enjoys that sort of situation.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Cansellarion really is not happy about this situation, though not so much because he can't kill Lilia and more because he's obliged to act as though he doesn't know her mother is alive and Up To Something. She's shown into his office at the appointed time - that's what he has, an office, not a throne room. He's an administrator, and a hopefully interim one at that, not a king.

 

"What can I do for you?"

Permalink Mark Unread

Lilia considers the office to reflect simultaneously two crippling vices on the part of Iomedaens. The first is just making it look incredibly unappealing to be one. You don’t have to be Abrogail - you probably should not be Abrogail, actually - but one is allowed to enjoy oneself after conquering a country. She knows the man has given himself over to Iomedae far enough he would not even enjoy being surrounded by pretty girls (Lilia is one, now, but she’s carefully downplaying it) or statued enemies or ostentatious displays of wealth, but it could be a demiplane styled as a command tent like the one that appeared in the visions of the Shining Crusade, filled with things the man actually likes if there are any, something people remember. 

The second is that Iomedaens think they should run everything, but realize that this is an embarrassing attitude and incorrect when most people hold it, so they try to run everything but are vaguely embarrassed about it. Lilia feels that they should have the courage of their convictions and take an honest try at unifying Avistan under the rule of their goddess. They might be good at it and if they were bad at it then future Iomedaens would have concrete reason not to try. Having a ‘Lord Marshal’ administering Cheliax and Isger and a “Supreme Elect’ in Andoran and a Lord Watcher in Lastwall is just the behavior of people without the nerve to figure out who they really are. 

(Cyprian looks to be contemplating pivoting to marry Eutropia, and that might properly unify the Iomedans. She’ll wait and see.)

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Lilia has sixty years of practice in Cheliax and the only thing that shows on her face is vague appreciation about the office. She bows, but not too deeply, and then goes to the report without any particular pleasantries. The man doesn't like her. She won't get him to like her by obliging him to pretend to. "Sedalis is a Henderthane loyalist; he considers himself and they consider him to be holding the county for them until the occupation leaves or at least calms down a little. They're holding his family hostage in Absalom but very politely, and even if you retrieve them he won't flip. Axios is very wealthy, considers himself to have been waiting out the Thrunes, and isn't wrong to figure he can wait you out too, except unlike the Thrunes you don't desperately need him for weapons manufacturing. Yet. Give it five years and you will; he owns the new gunsmith industry in Ostenso, and he doesn't own Corentyn only because his cousin Jehenes does. Jehenes is going to come out ahead in that little family competition if he survives it, because he's got some crafting genius who has cracked placing weapon enchantments on firearms." 

 

It's a long report. She used to break her reports down and work hard on the pacing, because Abrogail didn't have an exceptional attention span. She hasn't made that effort here. That seems unlikely to be among Cansellarion's shortcomings. "I did not include any recommendations," she says when she's done, "because I am not sure we're on terms where you'd listen to them."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

…This is, if all true, incredibly useful information to have. And it's going to be expensive and painful to check that it's all true. He's sure it's all true, this time, because they can check, and Montero knows he doesn't trust her. He's going to check anyways.

"I would take your recommendations under advisement but not necessarily follow them…probably it's for the best that you did not include them," Because if she did he'd waste a bunch of time trying to figure out what she's planning with each one.

Permalink Mark Unread

Lilia nods politely. "Yes, Lord Marshal. I want you to pay my peoples' salaries. Their work conditions just got a lot worse, you see. It is difficult for spies to conduct themselves to the standards of paladins."

 

She's rich, but she had an enormous loose network of people in her debt, before the war, and a fairly large network of people actually working for her, and she does not have the resources to pay their salaries herself, and Cansellarion does. And it's not the kind of request he's inclined to refuse, as much as he expects her to benefit from it, it cuts at his sense of fair play. 

 

And perhaps more importantly, as a principle about human nature, once you're negotiating at all then it's easier to consider more negotiations. Paladins know that. They'll refuse to deal with devils at all, no matter how favorable the terms. But they can't refuse to deal with Chelish people, not if they want to rule her country. 

 

So he's going to ask -

Permalink Mark Unread

His own and Lastwall's spies are not, for the most part, paladins for this exact reason. He suspects she means something different by that than he would. "How many people and how much?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She has the accounting all done up very neatly. Ninety people, geographically dispersed across most of the important noble families and major cities, here are their ordinary salaries and here are their hazard-pay salaries for working through this unusual situation which she's told them will expire next month. (She has some others she's not giving Cansellarion). This is expensive, obviously. But rumor has it that the Glorious Reclamation is rich. 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

The Reclamation is rich in money and in always in need of more information about Chelish politics. He can pay.

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"Thank you," says Lilia. "They know the expectations of those they now report to and if I learn any of them have broken any laws I'll report that as well. …to be clear, I don't work for you. I'd be willing to consider it but you have not, actually, asked."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I didn't think you would consider it. I am sure you could be very helpful to us if you chose to be… What would be your price, for a longer-term arrangement?"

Permalink Mark Unread

The problem with material demands is that he'll grant some of them, grudgingly, and then watch her all the more closely. And she can outlive him; material things aren't really what he can offer her that she can't get some other way. The thing she wants is for him to trust her. It obviously can't directly be bargained for, but most things worth having can't.

The other problem with material demands is that Iomedaens don't make them. See exhibit one: this office. Some dialects of Taldane would offer her as intensifiers 'this bloody office' or 'this damned office' but the office is neither bloody nor damned and that's really half of what's wrong with it. Iomedaens eschew material possessions that aren't combat gear. 

 

Some delicacy, then.

"Hmm. Let's imagine that a few decades ago I had come to you and said that I wanted to sell my soul and join the Chelish intelligence service, so that when the time was right I could betray them. What would you have said?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"That it would have been very noble but almost certainly doomed to fail. It's not like Cheliax had no other ways of checking the loyalty of its agents - are you suggesting that that is what you did? How?"

Permalink Mark Unread

There was the option of starting over under the new identity and trying not to rise to Cansellarion's notice. But she's not as old as her mother, and doesn't want to spend decades watching her country in chaos to preserve her cover, and if she does anything interesting he'll guess, now that he's attuned to the fact some of his enemies don't die. 

 

So that leaves laying her cards on the table. Well. A couple of her cards on the table. But they're very flashy cards. 

 

"Suppose I had the help of a talented friend who'd been working on the puzzle of how to fool a Detect Thoughts, and had long experience with the puzzle of how to be hard for Asmodeus to get an informative look at."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Of course. Myrabelle figured out how to fool detect thoughts and probably all sorts of truth spells as well. Really, his problems in general are much less bad than they used to be, but his Myrabelle-specific problems just keep getting worse.

"Well. In that case - it's not something I'd ever order someone to do, but if you volunteered that would be very noble of you and something that few others could do and I would be very glad you were able and willing to do it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Isarn was my tip." Two years ago, importantly. His reaction to that is going to be predictable - no reasonable person would believe her - so she keeps talking in case she can take the conversation somewhere else. " - so was the tip about the first effort to kidnap Freedom, but that one seems like weaker evidence of my intentions, coming as it did after you'd demonstrated you were up to something clever. I think by that point I'd have been looking to buy insurance even if I was an Asmodean, if I wasn't a stupid one."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"You've just convincingly made the case that I have no way of verifying your honesty." Or she's lying about that, though he can't imagine why, and in that case he still distrusts her about Isarn.

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, it's out in the open where they can talk about it now. She appreciates the straightforwardness of paladins. She would be seriously torn if asked whether she'd rather burn in Hell or be one.

"You don't. I vaguely hope you may have more confidence in my competence. Isarn wasn't swallowed into Avernus, the girl wasn't kidnapped, Cheliax is free, and there you have the only evidence you may ever have about what I wanted to see happen."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Someone tipped us off about those things. I just don't have much reason to believe it was you and not someone you caught after the fact and tortured the information out of."

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's a real dilemma for you. I genuinely don't know if you have a way out of it or not. That's my price for working for you, though. Figure out whether I spent my life and soul to buy you Cheliax, so I can stop spending half my time figuring out how to spoon feed you everything in individually verifiable pieces."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'll take it under consideration. Is there anything else?"

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"Is there someone else I should be taking these reports to?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Taking them directly to me is fine."

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“Nothing else, then. I left your secretary instructions on how to reach me.”

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Goodbye. And…thank you. If it's all true."

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She stands, and looks back at him, and the mask slips or she puts on a different one, and she looks like an old woman even though in this body she is a young one. "Just don't fuck it up," she says, and leaves.

 

 


 

Permalink Mark Unread

Cansellarion is wildly out of his depth, dealing with de Montero. Espionage was never his strength, and even if it were - he doubts anyone alive today in Lastwall could keep up with her and her mother. Saiville considered himself outmatched back when they all thought de Montero was uncomplicatedly serving Cheliax and not secretly working against Cheliax while serving as the nation's spymaster.

There are some who aren't alive today who might, though. Or who at least might stand a better chance. He checks that it's a good use of Heaven's resources and then calls Marit for a consultation.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Cheliax' former spymistress wants to work for me. Says she's been working against Cheliax all along, and she's Myrabelle's - Alfirin's - daughter, so in light of everything else we've learned it seems like she might be telling the truth. But she can fool a detect thoughts or a truthspell, and I'm completely at a loss as to how I might vet her or verify that she's not working against the Reclamation."

Permalink Mark Unread

He considers that one for a while.

 

(Far more of spycraft is obsessiveness than genius. Sometimes you think of things no one else thought of, but far more often you just pay attention to all the things you thought of, and notice and are annoyed when something is unexpected, and bother checking things no one else bothered checking. He doesn't have genius insights. He has - confusions.

 

Also right now he has some grief about Alfirin.)

"She has a daughter, who was Cheliax's spymistress? What a - thing to do - what did you know about the daughter, before this -"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"That she worked for the Chelish intelligence services, and was highly positioned in them though we weren’t sure if she had superiors - We presumed her to be loyal to Cheliax because we did not imagine she could be anything else, being soul-sold and in such a monitored position and from what we thought was a family of loyalists. She was very good at her job, better than anyone we have. She - wound up in Hell, somehow, probably by being executed, partway through the war. And made it back out of Hell, somehow, presumably through her mother’s intervention. And then defected, implying but not outright stating that she was doing it out of revenge for her execution, told us all of Cheliax’ secrets in exchange for amnesty and a future favor, and disappeared. Technically, I suppose I don’t know the woman I spoke to yesterday is her. She was much younger and - had a family resemblance but I can’t say for sure that it was the same face de-aged."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Confusions, maybe also confusing to you: why would she sell her soul? Presumably the answer has something to do with how she got out of Hell, but one can't imagine even Alfirin has that going spare. There are kinds of undeath that'd do it, are you sure she's alive? How'd you learn she can beat a truth spell? Why operate as herself, if you'd be a tenth as suspicious of anyone else? Is Alfirin known to have other children?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I hadn't noticed her soul-sale was confusing before… in the context of the Chelish government it was unsurprising, everyone in a position of power is. I am not sure she's alive. She told me she can beat a truth spell - which yes, is confusing in the same way that operating as herself is confusing. Myrabelle had one other daughter. Her current identity isn't known to have children."

Permalink Mark Unread

He has a dozen more questions but none actually pin down the confusion. "All right. Two unknowns - really, sort of three unknowns. What does Alfirin want, what does Montero want, what is the Alfirin-Montero relationship. It's that last one that's bothering me, actually."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Montero claims credit for one piece of intelligence that I received from Alfirin and - I think it's less surprising to imagine that Montero was working against Cheliax and with her mother, than that they both worked secretly against Cheliax independently. Or she could be lying. I can't ask Alfirin, even if I were sure it was wise to do so."

Permalink Mark Unread

For a human it would be hard to set aside everything about Alfirin they learned once she started cooperating with them and make no inferences from it relevant to figuring Lilia out. Marit's an archon, and it's easy, even the part where you have to knowingly draw wrong inferences. Lilia defected probably after being executed; Lilia implied she was helping the Reclamation as revenge; Lilia now claims she was helping the Reclamation all along. The easy conclusion is that she's lying to worm her way back into the government. But it's just not a very good lie; if they don't have a way to check, they won't believe her, and if they do have a way to check, they'll disconfirm it. Maybe she thinks that even without a way to check, they'll be somewhat more trusting of her, trusting enough for some plan; maybe she thinks she can beat their method of checking, even having warned them she can beat all the traditional ones.

She - didn't actually appear to try very hard to bring that outcome about. She's helping Cansellarion for free as is. Possibly she thinks the pressure she applied will be sufficient; possibly it's not that important to her; possibly she wants them willing to go to some lengths and not others. 

(Marit can think of some methods she shouldn't be able to beat. But he wants to be oriented to what's going on before he starts proposing those.)

If she's telling the truth, then her motives are obvious; she wants to be trusted, still quite possibly because she wants to pull a coup and take over Cheliax. (Enemies of Hell aren't necessarily friends of Heaven.) She hopes they'll go to appropriately expensive lengths and then trust her. 

It would be a deeply unusual person who worked for Asmodean Cheliax for thirty years while secretly intending all along to betray them at the right moment. There are certainly, in Asmodean Cheliax, far more people who are now inventing reasons they served their new masters all along. But it's still when he's thought on it a long time hard to think of why, if Lilia's lying, this plan served her better than staying under the radar in her new body and never indicating she was still involved in Cheliax at all, or than working for Cansellarion without pretending to have been doing so all along, which he was obviously willing to enable.

Montero is succeeding at making it really hard to think of a goal she might have other than the one she's claiming to have. This is of course not remotely the same thing as 'Montero is telling the truth'.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Alexeara doesn't have any evidence about what other motivations she might have, just a thirty-year unfriendly history with the family. His best guess for what she might be planning is the obvious one, that she's maneuvering to try to get into a similar position in the new Cheliax as in the old, either for her own security and enrichment or in order to betray the new government like she claims to have betrayed the Thrunes.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is that - a powerful position in government - something you'd be inclined to give her, if you end up concluding she's telling the truth?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"If I confidently believed her to be telling the truth and not otherwise scheming against the Reclamation - yes. She'd be invaluable for keeping track of the various factions forming and what the old nobility are up to and the like."

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"And you wouldn't have been willing to offer that to her if she were an Asmodean who'd defected only once they were losing?" Marit is trying to track which goals this approach would've been Montero's best option to achieve. 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'd have been more reluctant to. But I think I still would have, if I were still sure she wasn't scheming against the new government…and I think I'd suspect her of that less, with that story, than with this one."

Permalink Mark Unread

Well, he doesn't like that at all. …as a state of knowledge, it's fine as a hiring policy. "So what, if anything, does she get only because she convinces us she's been working for us all along?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Maybe, eventually, a greater degree of trust? Being thought of as instrumental in our victory? If it were someone else I might imagine public accolades."

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His wings rustle unhappily. "Well. I think the closest thing to a way to be sure is to ask her for an Atonement, because if she's in fact been working for the forces of Good all along that shouldn't be very difficult and I think it'd be impossible to have one to Lawful Good go through while planning to elaborately deceive one's allies by it. If you're worried she can beat that you can just bring her to Heaven for it - it's more expensive, but it's ten times more expensive not a hundred, and atonement isn't an outrageous cost to begin with - the church is a little too reluctant to spend Heaven, sometimes, if you'll predictably verify things the cheapest possible way that's a weakness -

 

- anyway. I think I expect her to decline, you?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I think so, too. She didn't appear Evil, when we spoke, but it's easy enough not to appear Evil. And for her I think we want to do it in Heaven, yes, with someone present who can detect Good and not just the absence of Evil… The problem is that I would still want to hire her, if I could trust her on other matters, even if she only would or could atone to Lawful Netural."

Permalink Mark Unread

"You could offer to alternatively take her to Aktun but I am less sure that one couldn't sincerely atone to Lawful Neutral and also be planning to elaborately betray you."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmmm…knowing that she can beat a truthtelling, would you expect she can beat a truthtelling in Aktun?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I would expect not. Or, not undetectably." Abadar would notice, and He would not approve.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you, that should suffice for my employment concerns… Separately, as a matter of Law, I'm not sure what - mental position - to take on this information. I think, if not for the things I learned from Alfirin's cooperation, I would take this as suggesting that Myrabelle was still alive and had possibly worked against Cheliax - It would be less surprising than Montero doing this on her own - and I'd suspect the elder Alfirin of being the same person. I'm unsure how to act, though, because it's not enough information to be certain of that and I'm pledged to act as though I don't know Alfirin is Myrabelle until and unless I learn it through other means."

Permalink Mark Unread

"- I think the cleanest way to approach that as a mortal is to brief someone else on what you non-secretly know about this, and ask them to prioritize it among their other concerns based on how likely it seems to them to be a real problem."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"It seems like if I briefed someone on all the relevant facts and only the relevant facts it would call their attention to the possibility that Myrabelle is Alfirin, which seems arguably contrary to my pledge."

Permalink Mark Unread

"The way I'd try to do it - even if I'd made no commitments, if I just wanted another pair of eyes on the problem and not conditioned to notice the same things about it I'd noticed - would be to find someone who was present for the miracle, and brief them on Montero without any reference to it."

 

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The first name to jump to his mind is De Luna, but that's probably because he knows what conclusions the man would reach. "That seems doable. Thank you for the suggestion."

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"I also think you should press Montero on some of these things. Why she told you this, why she wants to work for you - it's not that she can't very easily lie, but conforming to any specific story is much more limiting than not needing to do that."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I will also do that. Thank you for your advice."

 


 

Permalink Mark Unread

Cansellarion asks Saiville for the names of some analysts who were in vigil at the time of the miracle, and pulls one for this. He briefs her on all of his interactions with Monetero, and says nothing about how he suspects Myrabelle lives.

 


 

Permalink Mark Unread

He sends Montero to request that she set up another meeting with him.

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But of course. She knows, consciously, that he actually in some sense means it about not being a king and doesn't consider it a summons and won't draw nearly as many inferences from how long it takes her to arrive when summoned, but those habits are hard ones to break. She sets the meeting up for the next day.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am more convinced of my ability to verify your intentions and willingness to hire you for approximately your old job, but I realized that you haven't actually told me what your intentions are. Why do you even want to work for a bunch of paladins?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Do you really find that confusing? I would like Cheliax to be a safe and prosperous and well-run place, ideally one that also keeps the world from being overrun by demons."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Is that it?"

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"I additionally find it galling when people make stupid mistakes I wouldn't have made in their place and would find it so to watch you blunder around trying to fix Cheliax. There are people who deserve to be removed from power and it'll be satisfying to prove they're still breaking the law? There are people who'd do a good job in government service trapped in the morass of some count's petty games and I'd like to have the power to pluck them out? I could keep going but I'd be scraping up extraordinarily minor contributions to my motives. I like knowing everything and this is easier when one has permission to do it. It turns out I'm not very temperamentally suited to retirement. I find politics invigorating, in general. You impressed me with the guns. …look, it sometimes feels like you'd have an easier time swallowing this if I demanded to be archduchess of the Longmarch and I considered it for that reason alone but I don't want to be archduchess of the Longmarch. I want this to go well."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you planning to do anything that you think I would interpret as abusing your position?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No." Could her orders change, sure, but she doesn't actually expect them to. It's going to be a quiet well-behaved paladin friendly couple of decades. They'll outlive their enemies; they don't need to additionally aggravate them.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"You probably would have had an easier time of this if you hadn't told me you could fool mind reading."

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"Obviously."

 

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"So why tell me? It doesn't, I think, help me run the country better. It doesn't help you get the position you want. You volunteered the information, which is going above and beyond any newfound commitment to honesty and - It doesn't seem to me as though you've decided on a policy of volunteering any important applicable information."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I haven't," she agrees, dryly. "How do you suppose it would've gone, if I'd failed to mention it, accepted my new position, run half your domestic politics, and then someone had tipped you off?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Quite badly. But I can't imagine many people knew."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your goddess picked a fight with Geb three months ago. Arazni's out and about too. It turns out it's possible to do Sendings without magic, and apparently soon Teleports too. Should I be assuming there's no such thing for truth spells? Why? I have no idea what's going to happen in the next decade and I don't think you do either. I'm not going to give our enemies a sure-fire way to throw the government into crisis at any time they choose just because I don't know any of them to know what true thing they'd have to say to you. Do you really think that would've been better?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"No. But I didn't know if you would… Would you atone to Lawful Good, for this position?"

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Her eyebrows raise slightly. "I'm not entirely sure if it'd work. I don't regret selling my soul, for instance, and understand this to be Evil."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"You don't regret it because of what it enabled you to do?"

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"Yes. Obviously I would prefer it if I could have accomplished the same thing some less Evil way."

This is not really because she cares if things are Evil, but if she'd accomplished the same thing some less Evil way she'd have a soul, which is convenient for all kinds of things most notably eternal life in paradise, so it's not a hard sell.

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"With that attitude an atonement may in fact stick."

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"I'm willing to try it."

 

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"If you'd rather not, it's not a requirement. It would make it easier to trust you, but it's not my main plan for verifying your intent."

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Lilia nods levelly.

 

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"Does that mean you'll do it?" He sounds mildly surprised.

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"I still don't know if it will work but as I understand it there is not much lost by attempting it and it does seem like it'd simplify trust if it does work."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I would like to do the atonement in Heaven, followed by a truthspell to confirm key claims in Aktun. If you're ready I have a cleric with the necessary plane shifts."

Permalink Mark Unread

Ah huh. Because most possible workarounds flatly won't work under the direct supervision of a god, and even if there are some that would she won't be given time to arrange them. Or to get permission from her mother, which she is sure is on Cansellarion's mind (though in fact she wanted to be truthfully able to say her mother didn't tell her to do this and that she's reported her intent to do it to no one, in case he asks that, and so hasn't reported this to her mother yet.) And if she agreed to an atonement before, but doesn't want to do it in Heaven - if she wanted her honesty verified, but not by Abadar Himself - well, that's the answer he needs.

It's delivered with the unfailing paladin courtesy but she's not less cornered than if he'd had eight heavily armored soldiers step out from behind the curtains. 

 

She appreciates that. She doesn't know how this will go - it depends heavily on the questions - but if it goes well she won't be working for idiots. 

"As you wish," she says, without missing a beat.

 

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They plane shift to Heaven's Shore, where the priest asks Lilia to reflect on and repent of the evils she has done while he performs the ritual of the spell.

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She doesn't really expect the evils she has done to be the sticking point. 

Yes, she has tortured and damned lots of people, including when it wasn't strictly necessary to maintain her cover, partially because ‘only hurt people when it's strictly necessary to maintain your cover' is much more complicated than ‘hurt people when it advantages you' and likely to get you caught eventually if you ever miscalculate, but also partially because she found them annoying and found it satisfying to see them destroyed for it. This is the kind of thing you repent of in the ordinary fashion, looking inside yourself and wishing you were better, seeing that the world made up of people with that mindset is an ugly one and that the world made up of people without it is a better one. Heaven's very beautiful. Lilia is aware that in the world she lives in now, it is a weakness, to be someone who tortures people when you're angry with them, and she doesn't like weaknesses, so she has set the habit aside, and can if called on actually regret it. Her mother didn't actually like it, that Lilia enjoyed hurting people. It was convenient but not actually preferred. It suits Lilia to move away from that; it feels like being a stronger person.

 

The sticking point is going to be the evils that she would, absolutely, do in a heartbeat in the future if so ordered. She probably won't be so ordered, is the thing. She's more useful in the paladin government than as her mother's assassin. Her mother has other, better, assassins. It would be stupid to get Lilia installed in a trusted position in the Chelish government and then risk her, and it won't be done. But the fact remains that if Lilia were ordered by her mother to break her word or murder someone or damn someone again, she would. 

 

Lilia has a better theological education than most people, because you can't lie to people if you don't speak their language, and she can recognize that this is obviously a situation where her mother might prefer that Lilia be limited or restricted in her uses in order to be much better at them, might be able to get more out of a loyal limited Lilia than an unlimited untrusted one. Lilia expects this is the case, even. But it still feels very dangerous to try to squeeze through Heaven's surveillance by being someone who'd disobey an order to torture someone, because - because she's never contemplated there being any order of her mothers' that she'd disobey. Because being a more limited tool feels like being a more easily discarded tool - more utility, sure, but utility across a narrower range of situations. And because she feels instinctively that her mother will be slightly disgusted. 

 

But if you think about it those are all selfish motivations. They're about not doing what she calculates to be in her mother's interests because she wants to retain personal flexibility or personal usefulness to her mother. She - shouldn't do that, actually. She should identify the shape that is most useful, and be it, and that probably is  "Lawful Good", because Myrabelle's going to have a much easier time hiring out things that aren't ‘the trust and respect of the most powerful faction in Avistan'. …and that means she should in fact intend to, at least for this lifetime, disobey orders to do Evil things, operating as she does in a context where this tendency is observable.

 

She closes her eyes and tries to imagine that until it feels like something she could actually do.

 

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(That mortal has simultaneously an unusually good and an astoundingly bad comprehension of Lawful Good. Iomedae is genuinely unsure how to render a verdict on whether or not it counts.)

 

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Lilia presumes that Iomedae will issue whatever verdict serves Her. Iomedae won. Anyone who isn't an idiot can see that Iomedae won. The way to get ahead in the world Iomedae conquered is to follow Iomedae's rules. She isn't, actually, sure if that's good enough, but it seems to her that it would in an important sense advantage Iomedae for that to be good enough. 

 

Which is why she is trying very sincerely to be someone who, if judged Lawful Good, will go around only using Lawful Good strategies to do her work, which admittedly is the service of an Evil archmage but the specific service she expects to be doing that Evil archmage is stitching Cheliax back together and making it robust against upcoming catastrophes.

 

 

Atonements take an hour. It doesn't feel like there is an hour of thoughts to have, but Lilia holds obediently still, waiting for a god to inspect her mind and determine if she takes the shape Iomedae demands.

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...Iomedae does not, Her attention called to this mortal, certify that they are best predicted as a Lawful Good mortal.

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(Lilia could fake it by changing her alignment aura anyway but that's a risky game when conducted literally in Heaven. She'll stick with the Lawful-only aura that's already kinda possibly dishonest.)

 

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It didn't stick. Cansellarion's not very surprised. Aktun, then.

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"Can this discussion be confidential? You can use it to determine if you want to work with me, but not for other aims of yours."

 

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He pauses. "Yes. I will not use anything I learn from this for any purpose other than to evaluate whether I want to work with you…I intend to use information from this conversation in evaluating whether I want to keep working with you in the future and not just the choice of whether to start working with you in the first place, unless you ask me not to in which case I will be more reluctant to work with you in the first place."

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"I'm fine with that use."

 

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"Have you lied to me at all today?"

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"No."

 

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"Have you told me selectively chosen truths with intent to mislead me today?"

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"Oh, certainly. It's a difficult habit to break." 

 

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That, itself, sounds like a selectively chosen truth told with intent to mislead him. Hm. "Do you know of any such cases?"

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Lilia pauses as if to consider the question. "I left 'it'll make my mother proud of me' off my list of motivations for fixing Cheliax, for the obvious reasons, and carefully didn't represent it as complete for that reason."

 

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"Did she ask you to do this? Feel free to decline to answer that one."

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And waste all her effort that went into arranging to be able to truthfully answer that one? "No, she didn't."

 

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"Do you expect your position to advance her goals contrary to the interests of the new Chelish government? You may again decline to answer."

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"I don't know her to have goals contrary to the interests of the new Chelish government except that you want to keep tabs on her and she wants to be left alone. I suppose I don't intend to help you spy on her. I'll tell her more than you'd probably prefer, but not more than I can and do tell her without being in your government, and not more than I expect you would prefer if you were better informed."

 

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"Was that a complete list of cases where you know yourself to have tried to mislead me today?"

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She thinks back through the conversation. There are a couple of things that are arguable either way but truth spells are usually generous about those. "Yes."

 

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He sighs. "All right. I'm convinced. Will I be better served by monitoring you for signs of impending betrayal, or by not doing that?"

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"By not doing that, unless you enjoy it."

 

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That gets a laugh from him. He hands her a sheet of paper. "Okay. Here is your oath of office. It would be convenient if you could swear to it now while we still have the truthspell going."

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Oh, so he does have a personality. Lilia genuinely wasn't sure. She won't conceal that she is pleasantly surprised. She'll take his oath of office.

 

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He's… pleased, he thinks. de Montero will be a useful ally, and he's glad to not have her as an enemy and - having the chance to verify this much with her has made him somewhat less worried about her mother. And while he's still unsure that that's wise, it's not really harming his interests while he's unable to act on most things he knows about Myrabelle anyways.

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"If you want to ask more questions out of pure curiosity I'll entertain them. For the sake of our working relationship and because it's a bit of a novelty, saying things and having them be believed."

 

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"I'm afraid I'll need a moment. Most of the first questions that jump to mind concern your mother and I oughtn't ask them… You seem to enjoy your work, is it only your work or are there other things?"

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Sometimes she coped with stress by turning people into statues and then chiseling the statues into prettier statues, trying to develop a version of the spell that'd keep her cosmetic changes when she turned them back.

 

"I picked up - Egorian - hobbies. I will probably now pick up paladin hobbies but I haven't yet and I'm not entirely sure where to start."

 

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"They vary. Endel and I hunt together and play cards. Jan Zima spends time with his family. Heliu paints… I suppose of all those people I'm the only paladin, but I don't think paladins have a distinct set of hobbies from other people in the church."

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"I expect I won't always feel this way but right now it really does feel like Evil people have more fun. Maybe I will pursue my interest in exotic fabrics."

 

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"We are commanded by the Goddess to have fun. It's a responsibility we all take very seriously… You may want to look outside Iomedae's church for more examples of how Good people have fun. I am sure someone has come up with something you'd find appealing."

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"I am impressed by your diligent obedience to your goddess with respect to having fun," Lilia says dryly. "Unfortunately I find all the other Good churches kind of annoying." 

 

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"Do you not find Iomedae's annoying?"

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Oh, absolutely. She's not going to say that. She's trying to become someone it's not true of.

"You really did impress me, with the guns. Iomedae - claims that you can win playing by Her rules. When She's losing, that's not very compelling. But - if She's right, then it's of course extraordinarily compelling. And you claim that what I did isn't incompatible with playing by Her rules, which was a sticking point because I'm pretty sure I was right and don't have a lot of time for anyone who claims I shouldn't've done it."

 

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"It would be hard to deny that you helped us immensely in the war and wouldn't have been able to if you'd not been in the position you were in… How much do you know about the guns? Where they came from and such?"

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"No comment." Not much, but Lilia likes to be mysterious about what she knows and she bets she'll figure it out shortly, she has many of the pieces of the mystery.

 

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"Of all the secrets to keep - that one is actually important, if that changes your willingness to answer. Parts of the story are public, but parts are not and it would be useful to me if I knew how much you learned and when."

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"I know that Freedom is more than your propagandist and is, actually, as young as she looks though this is somewhat at odds with the conclusion I had also reached that she played a major role in the gun project. I know the goddess worked Her miracle through her." That one took a lot of figuring out, actually. "I don't know where she got it. Actually grew up in an Azlanti colony in what is technically now Cheliax, then got petrified for ten millennia? I'd say 'from one of the stars' but she's so insistent that she's Chelish."

 

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He would've expected her to listen to the radio more.

"I'm not intending to give you the answer. I don't know how long the secret parts will remain secret, and you knowing would probably be no great disadvantage now that the war is over, but even if it were costless you strike me as someone who would rather discover it for yourself."

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"I'll tell you if I figure it out. Anyway, maybe your goddess got rather lucky, but - if Asmodean Cheliax had stumbled on someone with knowledge out of Azlant they'd have immediately bungled it unless I saved them, and you didn't."

 

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"Would you have saved them?"

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"Of course not. I did save their projects quite frequently - it's a good way to get promoted - but not a game-breaking one."

 

If her mother had ordered her to save a project that let Asmodean Cheliax take over the world, she would have. But her mother would not, in Lilia's best estimation, have given that order, so it's not lying.

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"Are you going to want our help, later, in evading Hell?"

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"I assume you're not hiding a secret way out of soul contracts."

 

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"We wouldn't hide that," he says very seriously. "But we could soul-trap you, or petrify you."

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"I could do that myself. Then I never get to find out if it was worth it, though."

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"Well, the benefit of having the Church soul-trap or petrify you is that we can bring you back later if you want. And we can provide security for your statue or soul-gem - mostly Heaven does that part."

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"There is not an obvious point at which to say 'now's the time to get my soul trapped'. I'm aware if I never say it then at some point I will be sufficiently murdered. I don't know. It'll sound strange, but I'm not very afraid of Hell. I am not mistaken about what it entails but it just seems like - conceding all together too much to Asmodeus, to give up everything else avoiding it. …there are separately security concerns but I have a solution to those."

 

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"Do you expect aging not to be a problem?" She looks young, now, but that doesn't mean anything.

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"That's correct." In however many centuries Lilia's mother has been alive she's learned a lot of secrets and this is one of the less well-kept ones, in that hundreds of people in the world know it. Though nearly all of them are druids.

 

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"Congratulations."

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The assumptions he's almost certainly making are in fact, in this specific case, false. It's an expensive ritual, but absolutely none of the components are the hearts of innocent babies or anything. 

 

"I didn't do anything horrifying at all, I promise. Just have friends in - a lot of places."

 

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He raises an eyebrow. "Did your - friends - do anything horrifying for this?"

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"No! No horrifying things happened at any point. I cannot certify that you'd like how they spent their payment, I guess."

 

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"Making someone younger without requiring any horrible sacrifices seems like something a lot of people would be interested in."

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"Unfortunately I don't actually think the guns and radios have improved your bargaining position here specifically but I can put in an inquiry for you if you'd like."

 

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"Oh, I'm happy to go to Heaven when my time comes. I meant it in the abstract. Kings and emperors and first consuls, though I don't know that I approve of them all getting it… I assume it's not scalable."

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"It's not. You know, it seems rather unfortunate for the world if all the evil people are desperately trying to stick around and all the good ones happy to head off to Heaven. The moreso the more achievable it is to stick around."

 

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"We call this 'the lich problem' and find that - the evil people who manage to stick around and keep doing things in the world tend to accumulate enemies and eventually be destroyed for good. The ones that stick around and go into retirement are not much of a problem. And… enough people and enough great heroes are born every generation that the number of immortal evildoers isn't an overwhelming factor in how the world turns out. Outside of Ustalav. I admit it's a bit of a convenient way for the world to be… You think it would be better for me to have my youth restored non-horribly and remain on the Material?"

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"It seems obviously better for Iomedae. I guess I haven't yet pieced together when that's decisive for you and when it isn't."

 

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"I have given my life to Her service but I had envisioned that as a somewhat time-bounded commitment and would want to re-evaluate if it didn't seem to be the case anymore… though I suspect, knowing the option is there, if it really is, that when I grow old I will feel that there is still more to be done."

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"...huh. …when I met you the thing that stood out the most was" how thoroughly Iomedae could make Her people Her slaves...rephrase that... "how little you had - ordinary human impulses that Iomedae opposes." How little you wanted to torture me to death, as would be natural and proper for you to want... "I am very loyal to my own purposes but it feels like resisting the impulse to do something else, not like not having it.

But I guess it makes sense that Iomedaen culture would carve people in the shape of - not wanting to hurt people you have power over, things like that which are likely to come up - and not build in any impulses about unlikely distant hypotheticals that only apply to a few people."

 

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"Does Lastwall carve that impulse out of people more, or does Cheliax carve it in? I don't think it's universally present or absent in Taldane peasants."

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"I admittedly haven't asked any Taldane peasants. Taldane nobles always struck me as Chelish ones who were scared of Hell and had a similarly scared peer group. Ordinary city guards anywhere will beat their prisoners just because they can. Ordinary armies will rape and pillage. Cheliax was of course trying to exert a lot of pressure in that direction, but I think the way Asmodeus pushes against human nature is in trying to get people not to love their friends, not in trying to get them to be near-arbitrarily vicious to their enemies."

 

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"Hm. I think most people have no impulse toward cruelty to those who are close to them, and so for many people avoiding being cruel to people in their power is just a matter of having compassion for them, treating them like they would someone they know and care for - would you be cruel to your sister, if she were in your power?"

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The answer to that is 'yes, absolutely'. She wouldn't torture her, especially, but only because she wouldn't need to. She and Rose could always hurt each other plenty without lifting a finger.

She does not really want to give this answer, because she's trying to make Cansellarion less worried about her mother and she can see very clearly that that's the kind of answer that makes someone more worried about her mother. "I haven't seen her in forty years," she says, staring off at the Axis skyline. 

 

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That…sounds like an evasive non-answer. Which is concerning, but not, in hindsight, shocking from someone raised… more Chelish than most Chelish children. "I'm sorry," he says.

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"I'm not sure it works anyway. You love your family, but presumably you'd start to feel differently about them if they joined the Chelish government and started murdering your people. So how does loving them even help with impulses towards someone who you don't know who did that?"

 

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"I think if a member of my family had joined the Chelish government and started murdering my people… I would have very complicated feelings about that. I imagine I would still love them, in a way. But I meant the example to point out how many people avoid the impulse toward cruelty to strangers in their power, not enemies. Far more people want to hurt their enemies, I'll concede. When they have them."

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"But not Iomedaens. It's very impressive."

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"That's not universal. But we try."

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The truth spell expires. Over their head, glittering gondolae and skytrams carry people across Aktun. The part they are allowed to see is more technologically advanced than it was before Freedom brought guns and radio to Golarion, Lilia notices distantly. "Right," she says. "Was there anything else?"

 

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"Not particularly. I'm glad you're working with us, now." And not against them.

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"I always was. …I am admittedly looking forward to doing it in a way that involves less killing your people."

 

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The truthspell is expired. He… thinks she isn't lying, but killing fewer of his people is probably not one of the parts she's looking forward to, particularly. She's still, as far as he knows, Evil. He calls over the Iomedan cleric to plane-shift them back home.

 


 

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"I've joined the Reclamation government as head of domestic intelligence," Lilia tells the Duchess Catherine de Litran over tea.

 

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That wins her a smile, but smiles from the Duchess de Litran are not particularly rare. "Under your own name and face? How in the world did you convince dear Alex to allow that?"

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"Publicly it'll be a new name, but that's to distract other old enemies, Alex knows. He seemed surprisingly amenable to assurances of my good intentions. I was really expecting it to be more difficult."

 

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"Well, he doesn't know how easily you can beat a truth spell…not that you'd have very much you need to lie about."

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She smiles slightly. "I told him I could beat a truth spell. He fussed for a while and then got one in Aktun, which I probably can't beat and in any event did not have the nerve to try."

 

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"Huh. Well, I suppose we never had to worry about Terthule trying that. Very well done."

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Lilia was expecting to need to explain her reasoning for telling him she could beat a truth spell, but perhaps it's obvious if you've known her her whole life. A Lawful Good Lilia would’ve confessed to Alex, and one should diverge from what a Lawful Good Lilia would do only very carefully, if one hopes to convince Alex that’s who one is. "Cheliax would've had plenty of options if it'd ever occurred to them that I was getting around all their standard ones. I'm not very surprised it never did….Abrogail might've genuinely suspected, towards the end. Tragically I'll never get to ask her."

 

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"You could ask Alex for the chance…it would be an indulgence but with some constraints on how you treat her I'm not sure that he wouldn't grant it eventually, once you've been of service to him."

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"I don't think the face I'm showing him would care about that. It doesn't seem like a very Iomedaen thing to care about."

 

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"As you say. You know the situation better than I." Another smile.

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"I like Alex. I have decided my stretch goal here is to seduce him."

 

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That catches her by surprise. "Really. I didn't realize he was your type."

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"What would you have said was my type?" Lilia has had sex with people exclusively for work, for practice, or when it's the least annoying way to pay someone to pretend to care about her.

 

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"I wouldn't have made confident predictions but given your life so far - I suppose it could have been either Chelish people or the least Chelish people imaginable. So I guess I shouldn't have been surprised." Catherine smiles again, thin-lipped, more like Myrabelle than the last one. "I expect he'll make that difficult for you. Iomedans have rules about sleeping with people who work for them, now."

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Lilia hasn't the faintest idea what to make of that 'now', but she doesn't miss it. "Well I should hope he doesn't make it easy. Seducing most men isn't a challenge and that's in hindsight probably why it's never been the slightest bit appealing."

 

 

 

 


 

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"Why haven't you hired the girl who figured out how to enchant guns?" Lilia asks Cansellarion at their next meeting. She has quite a few items on the agenda and saved this one for last because it's the one they're most likely to actually have a fight over. Paladin hiring practices are a bit opaque to her and they seem to consider Chelish ones to be slavery.

 

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"I am not in the business of gun manufacture… are you suggesting I hire her and send her to Vigil or Almas?"

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"Cheliax is too big and too wealthy to stay out of the business of gun manufacture. You can decide whether you personally have any control over it or not. Hire a dozen people, send them to Vigil, bring them back in a year to start something here. But certainly hire her."

 

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"Hm. It does seem better than having to buy from the Henderthanes," Though he was really expecting to be able to buy from Lastwall. Montero has a point that that can't last forever, though. "I'll ask Alfirin," first Alfirin, "whether she'd be willing to set up a factory here. And some steel mills and all the other things involved. And if not I'll send people to Vigil I suppose."

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"Who's Alfirin," asks Lilia, straightfaced, "and what decides where she'll set up factories?"

 

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"Are you really claiming not to know? She's one of Lastwall's best engineers, decided to go off to Almas and start some factories there after the war." Married to Freedom/Iomedae. Directly responsible for bringing over most of the American technology. Your mother, but nine hundred years younger and less Evil.

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Lilia doesn't know all of her mother's old names. She has a rough transcript of the miracle events in Vigil but without knowing all of her mother's old names it's one of a hundred unfamiliar names rapidly spoken in archaic Taldane, spelled Alkarin(?) in the copy she's seen. She declined the invitation to Freedom's wedding. "What did Andoran do to pitch her?"

 

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"I think she's Chaotic Good. Liked the thing where everybody votes… But she might build one here anyways, if it's important for keeping the new regime."

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"If everyone is planning to pull all of the Iomedaen countries together into a defensive alliance or renewed empire then I think there is no urgent necessity for Cheliax to have its own weapons manufacturing," says Lilia, "so long as we're sure it won't fall through." Lilia does not for a second believe that everyone is planning that.

 

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Lastwall has its commitments. So does Mendev. Andoran is unreliable. Cyprian…may still want the Chelish throne. "Alright. Local factories it is, enough to match Galt at least." He does not look happy about that.

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"Who's in charge of it," says Lilia who is planning to end up herself in charge of it.

 

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"I think I'll have to go to Vigil for some recruiting. Most of the engineers stayed there when the war started, for obvious reasons."

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Perfect. An engineer will be in charge of it and then only tracking engineering sorts of constraints. 

 

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"Do you know of any reason to locate it somewhere besides Westcrown?"

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"A massive favor to any noble you owe one," offers Lilia. "Or a bribe to this Alfirin, who will probably like Kintargo better culturally."

 

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"Doing our arms manufacture in Kintargo seems like it might create some difficulties in the event of another war." Unless he can count on two archmages again, and he doesn't think he can rely on any of the three for a future war that's not against Hell.

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"Not my department but the reason your military is low on Teleporters is that they all defected, and I can get half of them back if you're feeling the pinch, and at ordinary capacity they on a daily basis move sixty thousand pounds of materiel out of Kintargo. You should still probably do the guns here if Alfirin will agree."

 

 

 


 

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"Ser Cansellarion! Is this a social visit or are you here to ruin someone's retirement?"

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Alfirin does not look retired. She's covered in grease and directing a number of workmen assembling some big thing with an engine and a collection of giant axe-blades. "Aren't you a bit young for retirement?" he shouts over the din instead of pointing that out.

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"I own Industry, Like All of It, or at least a solid third of that, depending on what counts! I can retire whenever and however often I please! Do you want to go somewhere quieter?"

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He does very much want to go somewhere quieter.

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Alfirin prestidigitates herself clean and transforms her clothes into her best recollection of a 21st-century pant suit and leads Cansellarion to the top floor of her not-a-wizard's-tower. There's an elevator and big plate glass windows.

"So, what brings you here? Me or my wife?" She grins the kind of stupid grin of someone who's not yet gotten used to saying 'my wife'.

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"You. I want you to open some factories in Westcrown."

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"Planes, trains, and automobiles? Or guns?"

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He doesn't know what a train or an automobile is. He wants planes but he's willing to wait until they're better than the early models that he's seen so far. "Guns."

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"It's going to be very bad, you know."

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"What is?"

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"The war you're all gearing up for."

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"I'm not - gearing up -" ...maybe he is gearing up. He's not sure what 'gearing up' is. "I mean, I don't have a war planned. It just wouldn't be wise to have no weapons for the army if a war did start."

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"Mhm. So you want at least as many as Cyprian, who's the one who you think is going to start the next war, right? And Cyprian sees an Iomedean theocracy to the north, making guns for the worldwound, and an Iomedean theocracy in Lastwall making guns for Ustalav, and an Iomedean theocracy in Andoran making guns to shoot slavers, and an Iomedean theocracy in Cheliax making guns just for the heck of it and maybe he's worried that he's got to have just as many guns as you lot… or at least enough guns to fully equip his army, which he can't downsize too much because of all the people with guns surrounding him."

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"That's - we're not going to declare war on Cyprian!"

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"Not even if he invades the rest of the river kingdoms? Brevoy? Druma? Mendev? Molthune?"

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"...Maybe then."

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"So either he gives up on war entirely - which I don't expect - or he has to be ready to fight you, and you have to be ready to fight him - and you're all going to have machine guns, and airplanes, and dynamite, and - artillery guns aren't complicated, I'm sure you'll all have those too even if I refuse to make any. And then - I don't know. Ten million people will die? Maybe more? Maybe less, just because there's not as many people around to die. It's going to be very bad."

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"How sure are you? Do you know if there's a way to stop it, or make it - less bad...?"

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"I don't know! I'm not a general! I'm not a politician! I'm just someone who half-remembers her American world history classes and brought this world all the weapons of World War One because we thought there was a horrible necromancer taking over the planet who needed to be stopped! And - Infernal Cheliax was also very bad and also needed to be stopped. I'm glad we did it. But I don't actually know how to build a peace or stop a world war or even whether that war is as inevitable as it feels… don't have a bunch of secret alliances. And don't blow up any Australian Archdukes. And no… unrestricted underwater warfare, wow, I bet Golarion has that already even though there's no underwater ships - that's - really all I've got and I don't know if any of it will even help."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...Are you okay?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I might be the worst mass-murderer since - well probably there's someone else between now and Earthfall but not someone I've heard of."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think that's judging yourself too harshly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Say that again after the war… This is really giving me a visceral appreciation for the Nobel Peace Prize."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I'm hoping there will be no war. What's a Nobel Peace Prize?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It's - the man who invented dynamite felt really guilty about it and set up a fund to give a bunch of money and prestige to whoever does the most to…make the world peaceful, I guess - each year. According to a committee…There was a big fuss about them giving it to Obama when he hadn't done anything yet... I don't think eternal peace tends to last but I sincerely wish you the best with that. But today you're not here for peace, you're here to ask me to build you guns."

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"Yes."

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"When are the first elections?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hm?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"The first elections. In Cheliax. When are they?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't know. We haven't decided what form the Chelish government will take, in the long run, and even if we were sure we wanted a republic the Chelish people aren't ready for that..."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well that's my price. Plan for a republic. Set a date. It can be a few years out, it can even be a couple decades out, but plan for a republic, set a date for elections, and make an announcement."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think you want me to move faster than is wise, on that -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I think democracies don't usually start wars with each other. So that's my price for handing out guns."

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"Cheliax has guns already. The government doesn't, but there's private arms manufacturers who are learning… It's not just about Cheliax being armed, it's also about the Reclamation being armed and not having all the gun manufacture in the hands of the old nobility."

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"Uh huh. The Henderthanes don't have steel at scale, they don't have smokeless powder, yet - I know they'll get there eventually, but for now - building you the factories you want would be giving the new Cheliax significant capabilities. Set a date."

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Alfirin is being a stubborn child who has no idea how thoroughly unsuited the people of Cheliax are to rule over anything right now. She probably doesn't have the leverage to actually force Cheliax to be a democracy  "I'll think on it…will you help us set up some non-military factories, in the meantime?"

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"Well, there's the problem, isn't it? I give you good steel mills and fertilizer and that's everything the Henderthanes are missing."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...fertilizer?"

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"Yeah it turns out the same things that help plants grow make all the best explosives. A factory that makes fertilizer is very easy to turn into a factory that makes smokeless powder and bombs."

Permalink Mark Unread

That seems very odd to him but he's not the expert. And he trusts this Alfirin not to be making it up just to have an excuse to not give Cheliax fertilizer. "I see. The Henderthanes are probably going to get themselves established if I can't get your help or enough people from Vigil. I really don't think this is the best way to advance your interests."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well then you'd better get started planning those elections… if it makes you feel any better I'll see about buying the Henderthanes out."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That might make the situation stable a little longer.  Thank you." Working with chaotic good people is such a hassle.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yep, that's me, selflessly consolidating a monopoly on arms manufacture for the good of the world. The hypothetical Marxists are going to love it."

 

 


 

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"If you hold elections I will resign," Lilia tells Cansellarion. She cares about Cheliax, after a fashion, and has no desire to stick around watching it turn into Galt except without anyone involved being idealistic at any point.

Permalink Mark Unread

"If I hold elections, so will I… Maybe some day it would be wise to try democracy here, but certainly not now."

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She is enormously relieved to hear that. "What, you wouldn't even try to win them? …I don't really see the merit of holding elections at any point but there's probably some point where it wouldn't do much damage."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I'd resign first. And then… maybe run, depending on who else was. Probably run. Unless I was done running countries and ready for Heaven. But while I'm still the best person to be running the country I really don't see what's gained by holding elections and trying to win them, instead of just...running the country. So for now I'm not holding them and I'm not stepping down and I hope you aren't either."

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"I intend to be here long after you've run off to Heaven. We'll find some other way to get your allies' cooperation."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Or we try to assemble a team from Vigil who can do it without her help."

 


 

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Lilia assembles her team in Westcrown mostly from people who had the sense to flee during the war but can be lured back with amnesty and assurances the new government is not going to fold like a house of cards nor start executing everyone with an Evil aura. She prefers working with Chelish people to working with paladins and anyway she knows who the most impressive and competent Chelish people are and not who the most impressive and competent Reclamation people are. And the latter are mostly spoken for, while Cheliax's best and brightest are all presently underutilized. 

She adapts her leadership style. Barely. When people under Lilia's command made stupid mistakes under the old regime, she would direct them to kneel, and then she would hurt them, and assuming they possessed the competence to not resist or cry and be disruptive, she'd let the spell wear off a few minutes later and let them return to their business. Everyone who worked for her knew you'd only be dragged off to a torture chamber for willful misconduct or for being totally unable to take a punishment like an adult. 

When people make mistakes under her new leadership, she directs them to kneel, and she says to them, "Iomedae believes that Her people are capable of learning competence without being punished for incompetence. Do you think She's right?"

They invariably profess a conviction that Iomedae is right. She permits them to return to their business. It seems to work about as well as the old method did. The only downside is that once she does hire some Reclamation people they make such faces.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I've been getting some… interesting reports about how you treat the people under you."

Permalink Mark Unread

In old Cheliax no one in Lilia's employ would ever dare go complain about her to her superiors. Unless they were suicidal - even if they were suicidal, really. Lilia suppresses the flare of fury because Lawful Good people do not shove their subordinates into a demiplane through which they'll fall infinitely until they starve for complaining about them to their superiors. Lawful Good people probably don't even have that demiplane.

She blinks patiently at the Lord Marshal. "I've reviewed all relevant laws and had my employees do so as well."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"If what you were doing was actually illegal we'd be having a different conversation. Or if it were definitely evil. What I'm hearing is that you are responding to mistakes by having your subordinates kneel before you and tell you that Iomedae holds that people can become competent without being tortured for incompetence, which is… in other circumstances I would just call it strange and confused but it also seems very reminiscent of the old regime." And he would like the new regime to not be reminiscent of the old one.

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, it's about how I used to handle people without the part where Iomedae objects before I hurt them. …have you had a lot of luck, employing Chelish people in the new government?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Some. A lot of problems where people stop working and have to be fired, most Chelish people hired into positions like yours with people working under them punish their subordinates more harshly than we allow… Your approach is more…creative…"

Permalink Mark Unread

"In Infernal Cheliax the kind of employer who didn't punish mistakes was not nice. He was incompetent, or he was keeping tabs silently and going to explode unpredictably in the future, or he cared about something entirely unrelated to results. By default if you are nice, you cannot thereby communicate that your motives are niceness. You will instead communicate that you do not care about results or cannot distinguish good ones from bad ones or are powerless to elicit good ones rather than bad ones or are keeping people on their toes and will blow up and murder three of them any day now.

 

...there are multiple options stylistically but you have to convey - yes, I care about the quality of your work, yes I can tell the difference between good work and bad work, and you're not getting hurt because I do not believe hurting you to be the best way to get what I want. Ideally you also want to do something they can imitate with their own subordinates without feeling like they are being obliged to embarrass themselves."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"We have elsewhere been considering an explicit policy of reducing pay for poor results, but there are concerns that giving supervisors discretion over their subordinates' pay would be a temptation to corruption."

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"What's wrong with corruption?" asks Lilia, straightfaced. She is joking but she's going to get a facial expression out of Cansellarion before she actually answers him. 

 

Permalink Mark Unread
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" - I think you have two problems. One is that very few people in Cheliax know how to get any useful work out of anyone who isn't frightened of them. The other is that they're all frightened of you, and not in a productive way where they'll try to figure out how to accomplish your goals, in the annoying way where they'll try to figure out how not to do anything you can reasonably blame them for unless they have a plan to flee the country before being discovered. It's not that docking pay is an unreasonable policy in principle but I don't think it solves either of those.

 

You don't like my solution. Just - aesthetically, or do you think it's going to create problems in the future, if it spreads?"

 

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"I think it's effective mostly because it fits in with people's expectations from the old Cheliax, and is not very effective with people who did not grow up in the old Cheliax… which means if it becomes widespread it's going to be more out of place and less effective as time goes by. I'm not confident it will cause problems later but I wouldn't be surprised."

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"Once I have established a precedent I will have the option to take them aside in private and talk about their mistake the way I take it this is done in Lastwall. If I take people aside in private right now everyone else will assume they are being horribly tortured."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I appreciate your efforts to make it clear you are not going to torture the people under you… Is the kneeling necessary?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She honestly never contemplated not requiring the kneeling. "A little motivation to hate your boss and want to take her job is healthy for productivity!"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"...Is it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Served me well for a long time."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hating your boss or having your subordinates hate you?"

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"More the former. I was actually a popular person to work for. The competition had some distinct deficits of character." She - ought to let him talk her around on this, though. He will be pleased to have done so, and feel a little less suspicious that she's wiggling out of all his attempts to corral her, and in fact she doesn't know if the kneeling is necessary because she never considered not doing it. 

 

" …does it not feel to you - I suppose it wouldn't feel frightening, to you, you're a paladin… if I imagine adopting a policy where I never, even as punishment, oblige my subordinates to acknowledge my power over them, it feels like it will swiftly stop being true that I have that power, and that feels very frightening, because being wrong about who will obey you is a mistake you cannot afford to make even once…"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmm. I don't feel that way, and I think it's not just being fearless… I expect this is a product of us having experience in different environments, that for me most people following me wouldn't have their loyalty reinforced by being forced to acknowledge their subordination like that, and also that having a disloyal subordinate is a survivable mistake and not even necessarily a catastrophic one."

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Lilia considers it. "Do you find anything comforting in obedience, outside that it implies that whatever was ordered will in fact get done?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Alex pauses, thoughtfully. "No, I don't know that I do."

Permalink Mark Unread

 

"Huh. I'll try it your way but if it gets me murdered I'll stop trying it your way."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I appreciate that, though if you suspect you're about to be murdered please let me know… will we be able to raise you straightforwardly if you are murdered?" Or can only your mother do that?

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Only her mother can do that. "I've made my own arrangements."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Yeah that sounds like only her mother can do it. "Understood."

 


 

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Being a paladin about punishing people is easy: don't punish people. Being a paladin about sex is easy: don't have any. Being a paladin about hiring is genuinely annoying. Lilia is accustomed to hiring people within Cheliax by informing them that they now work for her, and hiring people outside Cheliax by blackmailing them, or finding someone they would choose to work for and impersonating that person.

 

Carissa Sevar technically has a free choice as to whether she wishes to come work for the Crown, but she's not going to believe that and there are not really any contortions Lilia could go through which would make her believe that. She's pretty sure that the Iomedaen thing to do here is to try as hard as possible in that direction nonetheless, but she can't get over her innate distaste for groveling for things she won't get thereby. So she has someone find Sevar in Corentyn and invite her to a meeting; the girl will either flee the country or take the job, and the kind of people who flee the country did it already. 

 

"Sevar," she says, "I wanted to congratulate you. A good many brilliant people have been working without success on figuring out how to lay the standard enchantments on firearms. As I understand it some of them had nearly a year's head start."

Permalink Mark Unread

She is trying to keep her face steady but it's easy to read that she did not know they knew that.

 

"You are well-informed, ma'am," she says neutrally.

Permalink Mark Unread

"And you are underpaid. Have you considered working for the Reclamation government?" Insisting any more vehemently than that that it's a voluntary choice would just be insulting and distracting.

Permalink Mark Unread

She indeed looks impatient at the supposition that she came to this meeting intending to perhaps decide not to work for the Reclamation government. 


"It would be an honor to serve."

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"We're working to establish a gun industry in Westcrown. One plan that has been floated is to send you and some other brilliant Chelish people to Vigil or Almas for the next year, to trade what you've discovered for tutelage in gunmaking so that we can build the industry at home. Explain the implications, please."

 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

" - Cheliax would have its own weapons and not be relying on Lastwall and Andoran? ...you'll get wildly ahead of Jehanes? …you may as well give me a Teleport scroll because if I want to defect I'll have the opportunity?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"None of those are false. The implication which I would personally be attending to in your position is that what you figured out, yourself, in a few months of work, is something that Cheliax thinks it could trade for the secret of firearms itself. - with plenty of other wrangling behind the scenes, to be clear, but - how much are you currently being paid?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Forty Absalom pounds a week, in spellsilver," says Carissa, whose file indicates she has never been this rich in her life and who is navigating the currency crisis through mostly refusing to use currency.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Let's make it four hundred. And you'll get to learn all of the secrets about how guns are really made, and you're vastly less likely to die in intra-Henderthane infighting."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, ma'am."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Someone who was a blithering idiot might presume this was a paladin-approved, consensual sort of hiring process. Lilia smiles warmly at her.

 

"As someone trying to improve recruiting for the Reclamation government, I am curious if there's anything that kept you from applying to us in the first place aside from your low self-esteem."

 

Permalink Mark Unread
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"Jehanes is a loyal servant of the Reclamation government and I assumed would tell me if I would better be of service here," she says. 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

Jehanes is like everyone else in Cheliax frightened of and resentful of the Reclamation government and would be at war with it in a heartbeat if he thought he might win. Lilia does not resent being told blatant lies because if she did she'd have gotten tired of her job forty years ago. "I don't think he'll dare retaliate," she says as if Carissa had said something entirely different and more sensible, "but is there anyone we should protect on your behalf?"

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"No."

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Carissa's mother and sister died when Corentyn was sacked. Her father was smuggled out of the country safely. Beyond retaliation, at least the kind Jehanes is capable of. Not beyond being used as leverage, if it's Lilia using them.

 

"It would take you about five months to save up for your mother's resurrection."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

At that Carissa does actually just fail at controlling her face. The resulting expression is mostly - angry. 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't care if you do," the woman continues, casually. "But their trials will be delayed, if they have a shockingly wealthy relative who might, so it's not too late. Personally I do not love my sister but I would save her from Hell if it were convenient."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"I don't have the bodies."

Permalink Mark Unread

"We do. It's too late for a Raise Dead, which is why it'll take you five months."

 

Permalink Mark Unread
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"I try to be thorough about hiring people."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Yes, ma'am. When - and, uh, where - do I start?"

 

 

 


 

Permalink Mark Unread

The anniversary of Iomedae's miraculous appearance in Vigil is looking liable to become a minor holiday there. Lilia decides that she'd like to attend it, not at all in her capacity as a spy except in the sense that she never really stops being a spy. She wants to have the set of shared experiences with Lawful Good people that make people automatically at ease around one another, that make them feel like they are not foreigners. She wants to know all of the Iomedaen jokes, even if they are not very funny; she is already with appropriate gradualness and casualness adopting their quirks of speech. None of this is actually cause to trust her, of course, but it reaches past the conscious mind to the place where trust actually grows. They will have to consciously remind themselves they don't trust her, if she feels like one of them.

 

Getting permission to visit Vigil is always a bit of an ordeal especially if you cannot truthfully answer no to all of the questions about a history of service to Asmodeus. She ends up appealing to Cansellarion for help. "I'm sure you've told whoever you see fit about me but I don't particularly want to attempt to explain myself to whoever grants entrance permits. I promise to be on my best behavior."

 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Your best behavior? I will see what I can do."

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He mentions it to Endel on their next social visit. "Montero wants to visit Vigil for the festival. Promises to be on, quote, her best behavior, end quote."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And she can't go through the normal process because of her history? I really oughtn't just write her one without interviewing her first… but I don't know if an interview will help with any of the concerns that's meant to deal with, given who we're dealing with."

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"You could do it in Axis. As far as I know that still works."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Seems a bit excessive, no? As long as you're checking her general honesty regularly."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Of course I am."

 


 

Permalink Mark Unread

"So you're the great and terrifying Lila de Montero? Alex told me you were younger but I was expecting less younger than you in fact seem to be. I'm gonna guess you won't tell me how you did it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"It didn't involve anything that's illegal in Lastwall."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well now I'm even more interested - if you can't or don't want to tell me that's hardly going to be counted against your passport application."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know a guy. If Lastwall's people are not in such a hurry to get to Heaven as my current impression I can ask him his price."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ma'am, when I joined the expeditionary cavalry I did it in the expectation that I'd never have to endure being fifty, and I passed that road post a while ago. Heaven aside, I could stand to be young again."

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She finds that oddly soothing. It's her least favorite thing about Cansellarion, the being in a hurry to get to Heaven. And the disinterest in having a better time in this world. "Youth is wasted on the young, as they say. I'll get back to you."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Thank you. Why do you want to come to Vigil?"

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"I heard you're having a party and had to investigate whether you know how."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, some of us do. Are you planning to investigate anything else while you're at it?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I am not planning to try to learn anything secret and can't actually think of anything secret that it would make any sense for me to try to learn."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Are you planning to do anything else nefarious while you're there?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"No."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"If granted a passport will you leave Lastwall before it expires?"

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"Yes."

 

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"Alright, great. That's it. Enjoy the festival." He signs and stamps a passport and hands it to her.

Permalink Mark Unread

"My, how straightforward. If I'd known it'd be that straightforward I'd have come ten years ago."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I'm relying on Alex' good word. And this is the first year."

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She waves her hand airily. "I'd have applied to come for Arnasse or something. Had a lovely time, if you let me in."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, I don't expect we would've. Unless you came under a false name and swore to all sorts of things under a truth spell."

Permalink Mark Unread

"That would be absurdly irresponsible! I would have never! Anyway it would only be fun if I was being perfectly law-abiding myself and trusting everybody's Law and making no pretenses whatsoever."

 

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"Well, then I don't think you would've gotten in, because normally we ask people if they are evil or Chelish spies."

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Lilia smiles pleasantly at him. "Well, I'm very grateful for your willingness to overlook such matters in this case."

 

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"Well, thank you very much for all of your help. We'd have had a much harder time of it without you." He's very confused by the elder Alfirin's preferences but he thinks she doesn't want him to acknowledge her role in things at all, so he doesn't, even though it was probably decisive and involved dragging him personally out of Hell, or at least Cheliax' next best attempt.

Permalink Mark Unread

They'd have lost without her. She's very smug about it. 

 


 

She goes to Vigil for the festival and finds it only all right. 

 


 

Permalink Mark Unread

Lilia tells the Lord Marshal that Carissa Sevar works for them now and he should see if Alfirin will accept technological and magical information exchange as a substitute for democracy. Alfirin seems like the kind of person who is probably possible to distract with a really interesting technical problem.

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Ser Cansellarion. Given that I haven't heard any elections announced yet I'm going to guess you are here to ask me nicely to set up your factories anyways in exchange for the secrets of enchanting guns."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...How in the world did you guess that?" Enough of his conversations lately have been with Montero or Clepati, who he expects to be frustratingly informed about things he thought were secret. Alfirin is neither Cheliax' spymaster nor omniscient and should really know only a normal amount of things about his plans.

Permalink Mark Unread

"I told you, I looked into buying out the Henderthanes. And then learned Jehanes' weapon enchanter got stolen by the new king… I assume you did not actually abduct her."

Permalink Mark Unread

"I did not. We offered her a better salary. And I'm not a king -"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I know, I know, military dictator. Jehanes doesn't, though. Or doesn't know the difference. What deal is it, exactly, that you want to offer me?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"We send Sevar and some of our other people here. They teach your people how to enchant guns and learn how you're laying out and running factories. You help us build a steel mill and a chemicals plant and a weapons factory, you and the Chelish government split the costs evenly and you get three-quarters ownership. In broad strokes. We're open to negotiating any of the details."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Hmmm. I'll take the deal, but I'm going to try to hire Sevar away from you. You can have the same split of funding and ownership in the factories if it means you'll forgive me for it."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...I don't think that's going to change whether or not I forgive you. Why?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Because it is in my interests to have Sevar working for me? Probably in her interests too, I can pay better."

Permalink Mark Unread

"But not mine."

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, it's probably worse for Cheliax. And for you personally. But your interests are pretty broad."

Permalink Mark Unread

"...You think it's better for the world?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"I have a preemptive guilty conscience that can only be salved by preventing the worst war Avistan's seen in at least a lifetime and probably more."

Permalink Mark Unread

"And Sevar will help with that?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Well, maybe. It'll give me more power and influence, and in particular strengthen my pseudo-monopoly on the most powerful weapons in the world, which really seems like a good if unorthodox lever for working towards world peace.

 

...I realize this is probably also how my evil maybe-lich self got started, and I'm hoping to avoid her fate through a combination of self-awareness, listening to Iomedae, and the fact that powerful magic seems to present a lot more opportunities to gain power at horrible non-metaphorical soul-destroying costs than capitalism or steam engines do."

Permalink Mark Unread

He doesn't believe Alfirin that this is good for the world. It sounds like she's already thought of his objections though.

"Sevar is free to work for whoever she pleases though I really hope you won't hire her away from me and don't think that it will improve the world if you do."

Permalink Mark Unread

"No forgiveness then? More's the pity. The broad strokes are agreeable. Let's see the detailed proposal and work out the size of these factories."

 


 

Permalink Mark Unread

“It would not be very hard to nail Sevar down but I think it wouldn’t be very Lawful Good,” is Lilia’s analysis. “And if you don’t make any effort she might stay or she might see who has the biggest mountain of spellsilver, which isn’t us.”

 

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"Sevar - deserves to get the chance to hear Alfirin's offer. Not that I expect to do it, with that lead-in, but how would you nail her down?

Permalink Mark Unread

“Call her in, explain the situation, and ask her if you can count on her to choose her country over a mountain of spellsilver. She’s less disloyal than most people. She’s not going to decide to defect while you ask, and she’s not going to make a liar of herself later either.”

 

Permalink Mark Unread

"And she won't decide to defect while I ask because she's easily moved by invoking her patriotism, or because she thinks I'll kill her if she does, or something else?"

Permalink Mark Unread

"Oh, I don't know if she'd consciously think you'll kill her. But they work hard on the most promising wizards. It has never in her life been a good idea to have disloyal thoughts in the presence of her superiors, and she never has."

 

Permalink Mark Unread

He sighs, heavily. "Thank you. I would not have imagined that sort of problem was so - deep-rooted... Send someone to call her in?"

Permalink Mark Unread

She sends someone. 

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            "The Lord Marshal wants to see you," the messenger says, and she drops what she was working on as if it's been electrified and stands and follows him.

 

She enters the throne room that has a desk for some reason, and kneels.

Permalink Mark Unread

"You may sit." he gestures at the chair on the other side of his desk.

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She will do that.

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"Please don't make any promises about what I'm about to say - We're going to send you to Almas, to teach some of our allies how to enchant guns and to learn from them how to run a factory to make guns in large numbers. Our ally is probably going to make you an offer to stay there in Almas and work directly with her instead of here in Westcrown. You're allowed to accept that offer. You won't be punished for accepting that offer. But I'd be glad if, before you do, you tell your supervisor on the trip to Almas what the offer was and give us the chance to match it. If you decide not to tell your supervisor you won't be punished for that either. Do you understand?"

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There is a long pause. 

 

 "I hear you, your majesty, but it pains me to imagine that my loyalty is in such question."

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He puts a hand to his forehead. "Montero, do you -" know what that answer means? Have anything to say to Sevar that will make her less scared and confused? Actually - "Sevar, would you prefer to be less afraid?"

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"It's not a trick question," says Lilia, irritably. 

 

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"Yes, your majesty."

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Then he'll push out his aura of courage to include her. "Your loyalty isn't in question. I understand this - probably seems to you like some bizarre test. I swear it's not a test at all. I am a paladin, do you know what that means?"

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"Yes, your majesty."

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"So you understand that I am bound by my oaths not to lie, and that I am telling you the truth when I say you won't be punished for leaving my service to work for our ally instead, nor for contemplating doing that. I am asking - not ordering, just asking - that you check whether we can offer you something better than our ally will, even if she offers you something better than what we're paying you now. There's no action you could take about this situation that would lead to you being punished for disloyalty." Does she still look confused and like she's expecting him to have her tortured if she says the wrong thing?

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"Most of the people I've hired fled the country during the war," Lilia says. "I spent the end of it in Vudra, personally. The thing I explain to them, when I am trying to persuade them to come back, is that if they are working for us, and then they decide they'd rather do something else, they will be allowed to go do that. The crown is no longer a yawning rift which keeps a permanent grip on anyone foolish enough to wander near it in the first place. Because when it was, all our best people ran away. But part of not keeping a permanent grip on people is that they are allowed to entertain other job offers. If the Lord Marshal tells you to stay - or just counts on the fact you'll assume you're supposed to - then what do I tell the next ten people I'm trying to convince to come work for him?"

 

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Cansellarion shoots her a grateful look.

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Carissa looks suspicious. "I would expect that not punishing defectors causes more of them," she says carefully.

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"Oh, if you were still enlisted our life would be much easier," says Lilia. "Even paladins are allowed to punish defection among their soldiers. But what you are is a free Chelish citizen freely serving the crown, and there are lots of those, and many of them are only here because they trust the Lord Marshal that he'll let them quit if they think of something they'd rather be doing. This is how most places work. It is not how Asmodean Cheliax worked because it could not recruit enough talented people that way, and because Asmodeus would rather have slaves than free people even where they didn't trade off in numbers. But it is how the Reclamation government works. If it worked some other way I would have stayed in Vudra."

(This is true of some other ways it could've worked, though of course if the Reclamation government was simply Lawful Evil she'd have worked for it, so it's an Asmodean kind of truthful. Lilia is pretty sure this is still about as much as it's possible to be a paladin about hiring people.)

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"You have my family's bodies," she says.

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"We do?" asks Cansellarion. Did Montero do that, or is there someone else who's been cataloguing the war dead for some reason? "We can have them shipped to you in Almas if you request it."

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"Sevar, is there anything that you - wouldn't do to someone, even to get them to do what you wanted?"

 

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"Well, I wouldn't - destroy their soul or something." 

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"Good. People around here would consider ‘your family will go to Hell if you don't work for us' to be at least as bad as ‘we'll destroy their souls if you don't work for us'. It will absolutely not be raised in a civilized dispute. It is not leverage we have over you. It is something I looked into because in your place I'd have wanted someone to look into it. I won't object if you appreciate me accordingly but if you decide to move to Almas and spend every waking minute denouncing the Reclamation we'd still send you the bodies, if you want them."

 

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"Oh," she says. "Thank you. I think I understand."

 

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"I'm glad. You're dismissed."

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She will flee at a mostly dignified pace.

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Cansellarion gives Montero a relieved smile once Sevar has left. "I do not know what I'd do without you… probably hire another local consultant who is less talented and accidentally enslave half a dozen of my citizens before I realized it was happening. Thank you." He is tracking, in the back of his mind, how ‘Become indispensable to the Reclamation government' is the first move in a number of nefarious plots by Lilia or her mother but for now he's mostly just very grateful.

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Lilia is deeply satisfied to have gotten a smile. She smiles back. "You'll get the hang of it." I'm not making you more dependent on me, but less so.

 

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"I'm sure I will eventually." If she keeps uncovering deficits of his faster than he repairs them she'll still become more indispensable…and she can already keep track of Chelish internal politics better than anyone he could replace her with.

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"She has a mother and a sister who died in the sack of Corentyn."

 

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"And you found their remains? That's very thoughtful of you. You meant what you said about condemning her family to Hell being categorically out of bounds?" He knows she meant it about the Reclamation, and he's pretty sure she meant it about her current policies. He's wondering if it's a principle that she truly believes in, either now that she has the space to do so or even before.

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Well. Lilia doesn't know that her mother wouldn't do it, and if her mother did it then it would be right. …she does kind of hope her mother wouldn't do it, which is clearly just spillover from the fact that Lilia is being a paladin now and this is easier and more useful the more of Lilia's mothers goals she can share with Lilia even while Lilia's being a paladin.

 

He can't possibly be asking if she's ordered people condemned to Hell for being annoying. He knows she's done that. Because he can't be asking that, the answer isn't obviously a no, but because he knows that she did that, it can't be too uncomplicated a 'yes'... 

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"I guess there's a level on which I used to feel like - everyone should just toughen up and fail to be intimidated by threats to send their families to Hell," she says. "- I am aware this is a ridiculous thing to have believed. It was easier than -

 

 

…I meant it."

 

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"You're a very unusual person." He's pretty sure she's still evil, but she plays the part of a lawful good Reclamation official very well, and he can almost imagine it's not an act. He wouldn't be shocked if she said under Abadar's eye that it wasn't.

 


 

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The evil druid who Lilia went to for the Cyclic Reincarnation won't take money for his services. Many druids are like that. They'll give you justifications about the soul of the metal speaking to them and crying out not to be so used, or about the spiritual dangers of interacting with bankers and others who live in a world of inventions and pretensions instead of the real world of soil and honest work. Maybe some of them even mean it, but Lilia is good at telling when people are lying to her, and this man is. She is an Asmodean, if not one who worships Asmodeus, and has no trouble guessing the real reason. 

 

The reason he doesn't take money is that it lets him set the terms of the negotiation in territory familiar to him and unfamiliar to his counterparty. Once you've agreed to pay someone in poisonous tree frogs you're going to have a hard time bargaining with them about precisely which poisonous tree frogs, especially if they are an expert on poisonous tree frogs and you learned yesterday that they can be used as a spell reagent at all. 

You might expect that since Lilia is an Asmodean she wouldn't begrudge someone his clever negotiating tactics, but in fact she resents it immensely, just as he no doubt resents hers. Asmodeanism is not an ideology whose adherents end up liking each other. Usually before she goes to him, she spends a few days reading up on druidic reagents, just so she'll be a little less ignorant than assumed, but there's a lifetime of study in it and in the meantime Cheliax is doing its very best to rip itself apart. This time she instead sets up a Telepathic Bond with a consultant in Absalom who can feed her facts about the plants and animals he names, and who knows enough to identify the price he quotes her for Endel's Cyclic Reincarnation as extortionate, even by the standards of someone selling a sixth-circle spell with expensive requirements that his order forbids him from selling and that many people would pay their very souls for. "I hadn't realized you'd previously been giving me a discount," she says mildly. 

He barks sharply with what could pass for laughter but isn't, not really. "My needs change with the seasons."

"Mmmhmm. Sting-sap trees grow only in Vudra, vexalis only on the coast of Nagajor, curare only in Arcadia, and slow-sloths a mere six hundred miles from here but they are famously impossible to transport by Teleport. You do not like to speak of prices, but I would expend, in bringing this to you, four times what I expended to achieve your last set of requests. Should I ask again in another season?"

"What's the man to you, anyway?"

Endel, of course, is nothing to her. But she thinks that making him young again is the best way to put pressure on Alex to do the same thing without the pressure visibly coming from her, and Alex is - what is Alex to her? She does not want him to go off to Heaven; it seems as wasteful as running a job search, finding the best candidate for a role in the whole country, and then feeding them to a pack of wild animals because Infrexus wants someone to blame for his latest error. 

And young men find celibacy much more taxing than old men do. 

"Barely an acquaintance, but I have a grand plan in which he's a step. Does that affect the price?"

"Well," the druid says, "a Chelish noblewoman becomes young again, no one necessarily presumes that anyone is selling youth in contravention of the laws of the order. You could've done all sorts of things. Stolen someone else's youth. Bathed beneath the full moon in the blood of strangled babes."

"Does that work?"

He shakes his head scoldingly. "Try it and find out...anyhow, a nobleman of Lastwall becomes young again, the people who don't know anything will be curious, and the people who do will know someone's selling."

"Lastwall's turning out miracles like they fall from the sky in the summer rain. A nobleman of Lastwall becomes young again, everyone will figure that this can be done like the radio can be done, or the guns, or the steel."

The druid makes a disgusted face. "Only an ignorant fool would imagine that grasp of trivial mechanical things like the radio or guns or steel would allow one to make old men young again."

"Or the fertilizer," says Lilia, "or the curatives."

"Still trivial. They wield what they barely understand, to clumsily set in motion processes over which they have no power."

"I like travel," says Lilia, "and can be sent to the edges of the world, if you please. But time is precious to me, and I cannot bring you the slow-sloths. Will you do it for all the rest, and a slow-sloth freshly dead?"

"Your grand plan, of which he is an instrument - is it Lastwall's? To grind up the world for mechanical marvels?"

I, like you, don't care at all whether the world gets ground up for mechanical marvels. It would not be wise to say that. She has to allow him the pretense of his druidic ideals. "Do I strike you as someone whose grand plan would be Lastwall's?"

"I'll take the slow-sloth freshly dead."

She tells Endel that her acquaintance will make him young again if he'll pay six thousand Absalom pounds. This is, technically, true.

 


 

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"So are you going to do it?"

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"I'm not sure yet. Six thousand pounds - that's a raise dead. Less than a nice belt."

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"Too indulgent?"

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"Ha! No. Much cheaper than I was expecting. The problem is just that…"

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"You don't trust her?"

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"I don't know. Do I? Should I? I've barely met the woman, you're the one who gets tea with her and Abadar every few weeks."

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"It…seems too convenient to be true. But I don't know what she could possibly hope to gain by lying about it, given how quickly we'd find out. I don't have any reason to suspect a plot here in particular, just -"

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"You're just worried because she's Myrabelle's daughter. And the old Cheliax' spymaster."

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"I suppose."

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"Her mother rescued me from a Chelish prison. I'm keeping an open mind about which way to count her parentage."

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"We're not supposed to -"

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"Remember that she saved my life when deciding whether or not to trust her? I suppose you're right. You're much better at that sort of thing than I am."

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"Or remember that she's still alive at all when deciding whether to trust her daughter."

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"Yes, yes. So we imagine Lilia's just a former leading member of the old regime who happens to have reasons to hold a personal grudge against you - that seems worse for their interests -"

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He ignores that last point. 'Act on secret information only when it's in Myrabelle's interests' isn't what Myrabelle asked for, and isn't something that he'd be confident in his ability to follow or eager to agree to.

" - Who defected before the war was won, gave us essential intelligence, and has since then sworn under a truthspell in Axis that she's not plotting against us."

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"Well there's my answer, I guess. You should ask her if this is all part of some nefarious plot and if it isn't I'll go for it."

 


 

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"Have you lied while appearing to be under the effect of any truth spells since we last spoke here?"

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Lilia can beat a truth spell but it did not, in fact, come up in infernal Cheliax very often. Occasionally if she wanted to persuade a specific person of a specific point; occasionally if she was trying to root out a traitor in her office. But one wouldn't just go around asking people if they have betrayed you at every opportunity. Partially because of course they have, and partially because, well, it seems unsporting.

 

This Lilia is Lawful Good and is of course just glad to be able to be trusted by her allies so they can together reap all the benefits of being Lawful Good at each other. "No," she says.

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He's not surprised. She'd never say 'yes' to any of these questions unless it was part of some incredibly elaborate plot. For almost any conceivable purpose she'd flee the country rather than confess and be imprisoned.

"Have you lied to me any other times?"

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"No."

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"Did you lie to Endel at all during your passport interview?"

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“No.”

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"Did you lie to him at all about the offer to restore his youth?"

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She is so good at lying that everything she says is true. “No.”

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"No unmentioned side-effects? Evil rituals that this requires or enables? Nefarious plots?"

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'Define 'nefarious'.' ...would be the worst possible answer. She can't be too clever, either, he'll be on guard about Asmodeans trying to get things past him. She tries to keep her sentences short and not too finessed while also in fact covering for what she's up to.

"I don't know it to have any side effects, don't have any reason to think it would, and haven't noticed any. It does not require any evil rituals. The payment plausibly enables some evildoing, I don't have a stable of secretive scrupulously Good friends, but I don't know of any specific evils that will happen because my friend is wealthier. Nor of course is it particularly hard for someone with this power to earn money. Nor would I expect to benefit from any evils he does conduct with the additional money. I expect to benefit from this in that I expect it to enhance my reputation for being a useful ally and a dangerous enemy, and to lead to future opportunities to arrange such transactions. And I expect to benefit from keeping people alive and young and active in the world who I want alive and young and active in the world. Nothing else was important to me in deciding to arrange this, and I don't think anything else would stand out to you as an important consequence. If I were up to any nefarious plots to undermine the government of Lastwall I think I'd really try to do it under a name other than my own, at this point. Most people you don't check anywhere near as closely for nefarious plotting."

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"It's true, I don't. That's the important business, then. Anything else you feel like saying while we're here?" Montero seems to like talking about other matters when they have extra time in Aktun. Probably because she can tell he stops second-guessing everything she says as much. He's trying to do it less in general, since she keeps telling him under a reliable truthspell that she hasn't lied to him, but it's a hard habit to shake, apparently.

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She likes it when he trusts her. No one has ever trusted her before, except her mother, who is sometimes reading her mind and definitely has a plan to dispose of her if necessary and owns her soul and so only sort of counts. 

 

"I can't help but notice you never did try to verify the claim that I was working against the Thrunes all along."

 

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"I've been more interested in avoiding future betrayals than verifying past ones, I guess. Do you want to tell me now that it's true?"

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"I was working against the Thrunes all along. Isarn was my tip-off."

 

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"Well I guess since I only conditionally thanked you before… Thank you." He can't ask about Myrabelle, even if she'd answer.

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"I did not do it for your gratitude and did not expect you to ever learn of it. But you're welcome, I suppose. 

 

How old were you, when you decided you wanted to take Cheliax back from Hell?"

 

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"...I would say that I took it seriously as my life's ambition from the moment I was capable of taking anything seriously at all. Twelve, or fifteen, or twenty, or thirty-five, depending on where you decide to count everything before that as youthful idealism. If you count the youthful idealism… I'd have to go to Heaven and ask my mother. Six, maybe?

…You?"

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"It's complicated, right …not because of youthful idealism, I don't recall having been a very idealistic youth, because I couldn't think anything secret until I'd learned how to beat a Detect Thoughts. …I first told my mother I was ready to sell my soul when I was twelve. I was not ready, obviously, and she didn't let me." True, but a very selective telling. Myrabelle was proud, and gave Lilia a rare smile and a rarer hug, and told her which things she'd have to master to be ready, and then set out a demanding schedule by which they would be mastered and expected adherence to it. This version of Lilia, the one she shows Alex, needed less manipulation and was subject to much less of it; it's an easy thing to not lie about, because it's all a matter of perspective anyway. 

 

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He's trying not to be too disturbed by the thought of Myrabelle ever letting her own daughter sell her soul. He did, after all, agree that he would have allowed it, if Lilia were under his command, and the plan looked like it had a chance of working. Which it did.

"When did she let you?"

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"Twenty two. …by which time she couldn't exactly have stopped me, though I'd have waited longer if she'd insisted."

She'd been proud. It is one of a handful of treasured memories of Lilia's mother being proud. This version of Lilia, of course, instead had a mother who loved her, and her memories of this event are more complicated. 

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The thought of it is upsetting, though he supposes not really more so than any other soul-sold Chelish person. Somewhat less, perhaps, for how it was - at least somewhat voluntary. And she had a way out. "Did she tell you, before you did it, that she could get you out of Hell?" At least he assumes that was Myrabelle.

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"Of course. - I hope I'd have done it anyway but it would've been a much more difficult decision."

 

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Cansellarion nods. "I can't imagine it was easy, even so. You could already beat a detect thoughts at that age?"

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"Not reliably. I was working on it. I'd had enough success I was confident I could master it, and - I didn't want to count on having my mother around to help me forever." There's a glint in her eye. She does not think it's to her advantage to repeatedly bring up the fact he killed her mother but she doesn't want it to be unspeakable either. So the thing to aim for is of course status as a shared inside joke. Though for the moment that's probably a stretch.

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He would really really really like to ask if Lilia knows if it's true, that Myrabelle let him kill her. He absolutely cannot ask that. He's not sure how to respond to that given that he can't ask the question he very much wants to ask. "...Sensible."

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Poor, poor paladin. "I had mastered it by twenty-eight," she continues conversationally. "I was worried that I'd missed my opportunity to become a powerful wizard but thankfully Infrexus was considerate enough to have a fairly lethal court, so I kept improving."

 

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"Fortunate, that… Thank you a third time for Isarn, since that reminds me that I got my fourth circle there."

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"Good for you! Dimension Door, scrying…oh, I forgot, the gods only give out the disappointing kind of magic." (The truth spell objects to the claim she forgot.)

 

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"That's not very polite to our hosts. I can't really complain about chains of light or holy sword. Nor the immunity to mind-control, though that came a little later."

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Lilia's eyes widen. "Why, this whole time you can't be subject to a truth spell either! And you give me such a hard time about it!"

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"I can't be subject to a truth spell, but I don't falsely give the appearance of being subject to one…and it's not like it wouldn't be noticeable if I lied."

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"Have you ever been tempted to break the paladin rules?"

She is careful not to say it at all flirtatiously. That's not the way to get to Alex, and if she did get him in a way that made him fall it'd make him a wildly less useful acquisition anyway. This Lilia is just - contemplative, curious, someone who has seen the whole world but only had the barest of acquaintances with Good people.

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"Not seriously. I sometimes found them inconvenient when I was younger, but I grew out of that. And got a better understanding of Law."

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"I think Iomedae should have a kind of paladin who gets one day off a year where they are allowed to gamble and lie and sleep around and go on a crime spree." (The truth spell objects to this claim.) "It would attract lots of people who find the principles appealing but only want to be a good person most of the time, and if the day was publicized in advance people could still trust them the rest of the time."

 

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"Are there many people who would want to be paladins all but one day every year? I doubt this is a common preference."

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"I guess you could argue I'm a very unusual person - have argued that - but the thing I've found most discomfiting about being Lawful Good is the thought I'll never be allowed to do anything wrong ever again. That's a very long time, see."

 

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...but she's not Lawful Good. "...The atonement didn't take."

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"I wasn't - pretending, when I tried it. I wouldn't waste Heaven's time like that. I thought it might. I - am trying to do the right thing, all the time and not just where you'll check, and not just now that you know I can beat a normal truth spell, I was trying before that too. Obviously Iomedae's entitled to hold out for more sorry than 'not really very sorry at all' for all of the monstrous things I've spent my whole life doing but - I'm trying."

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Will she be offended if he asks why? Probably not. She knows he still doesn't quite trust her, that's why they have these chats in Aktun.

"Why?"

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She makes a slightly impatient gesture. "Because while it's not the case that in any individual case I'm most tempted to do the Lawful Good thing I'm persuaded that the best way to overall accomplish my goals is to have that predictable tendency? The same reason anyone tries for Lawful Good, as I understand it?"

(Iomedae's complaint was probably that the goals in question are 'serve my Evil mother', but Lilia doesn't actually know; She could have objected to all of the unrepentant torture and malediction and so on.)

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"That is many people's justification for Law."

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"I can't think of any reason why I'd have a stronger grasp of the Law part than the Good part." Truth spell does not approve this statement.

 

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"...I realize you are not actually intending to be deceptive but I really do think it bothers our hosts."

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"I apologize," Lilia says to the sky. She has no desire to irritate Abadar but she thinks He's being a bit oversensitive here.

 

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"I feel like you... actually have a pretty good understanding of what Good is. Or at least you give that impression."

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"I don't think I'm confused about it. I would have been pretty bad at my job, if I couldn't - guess what paladins would have to say about things - and you write all these helpful guides...are there things where ...you know that they matter, but you don't actually feel upset about them -"

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"There are - things where I know they matter but I do not spend very much time dwelling on them? But it's not as though I, for example, think about a bad harvest in Arcadia and am indifferent to the people going hungry there."

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"I'm not indifferent about that either! Bad harvests in Arcadia are terrible! But - 

- the things I care the most about, instinctively, are big things." Grand things, but that makes it sound like a matter of pride; big things makes it sound practically Iomedaen. "Freeing Cheliax from Hell. Making it rich. Winning wars, or preventing them. Famines, and countries drowned or overgrown or devoured. I do realize that the big things matter because they are made up of people and the people matter. But -"

The trick is striking the right balance between sharing enough he thinks he has a genuine confession and not enough he thinks she's a monster. "I care about the people if they - remind me of myself, or if they have qualities I find admirable, or if I try very hard to find something to care about, for some reason. But most of the time - the thing I'm tempted to say, though I know it's horrendous, is that I don't care about the beggars on the street for the same reason I don't pick up copper pieces off the ground. It's not that they're worthless. They're just - not worth very much. And I'm busy, and if I were trying to make money I'd have much faster ways - metaphorically -" 

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It seems like possibly the sort of attitude one would have to have, if one is has good aims but tortures people to death and sends them to Hell regularly. "I see. It seems like it would make it easier to stay sane."

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"You seem sane enough."

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"I wasn't doing intelligence work for infernal Cheliax."

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"Well, I'm not, anymore. So I can stop, and should stop, only -

- I feel distinctly more motivated by 'I want to have these Lawful Good allies trust me and be right to' and 'I want to see Cheliax recover' than 'I want to care about copper pieces.' Then I'd have to spend my time picking up copper pieces, which sounds terrible - metaphorically speaking," she adds irritably to Abadar. "But I do feel very motivated to - be trusted and be right to. I did find it painful to - be alone -"

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"Does it bother you, that we have to do all this?"

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"You would be very stupid to trust me without doing all this. I don't want to work for incompetent allies, you'll get yourselves killed or worse and the country will fall apart. 

 

...it bothered me the first time we met. To be restrained. I'd been arrested and then eventually executed and then in Hell and - I wanted to go run away, take a month off on another continent until I stopped startling at shadows - but we didn't have very much time, and it seemed quite plausibly like it'd be too late, if I took that long, and - and I intended to imply I'd only just changed my mind about working for the Thrunes, for reasons I assume you've inferred - even if you'd have been gentler with a longstanding ally there wasn't any time to establish it, and it would have been a waste of resources to try, and I wasn't actually sure if you had any way to do it - so I went, but I desperately wished I hadn't needed to, and every time I tried to move my hands I lost track of whose dungeon I was in.

You - when you asked me if that was really what I wanted, if I thought myself obliged to negotiate a Lawful Good way - I hadn't expected that. I think it was the first time in my life that anyone not related to me" that anyone at all, but that would be too much honesty - "put serious thought into whether he was dealing with me fairly. We were enemies. I cannot imagine anyone would possibly have blamed you for assuming Cheliax's spymaster was looking out for herself." The problem with getting emotional in conversation with Alex is that if she doesn't get really kind of absurdly emotional he won't notice. Her voice has tightened very, very slightly. "It was a good first impression, if you wanted me to put up with -" handwave - "later."

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"I'm sorry. That you were restrained then, and that all this is necessary now - but I'm glad the first impression was otherwise good. Asymmetric advantages to the side of Good, I suppose."

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"I do not think I am particularly owed an apology. You handled the situation very well. And you were right that I was charging you suspiciously little."

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"Well, I know you better and it's less suspicious now. And I still owe you an enormous favor."

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"See, that's the other problem with trying to be a good person all the time. What in the world am I supposed to use an enormous favor for."

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He shrugs. "Ask me to spend more of the government's money on subsidizing apprenticeships for young wizards who remind you of yourself instead of on feeding the impoverished?"

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"I don't want to do that!!"

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"Well then I'm not sure how to help you, here. Ought I keep trying?"

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"I expect I would enjoy that, though I do not really expect it to land on anything. ...the problem with subsidizing apprenticeships for young wizards like me is that the young wizards like me are a good investment and insofar as they can be identified at all anyone would fund them. Also some of them might be hungry. My mother believed it to be among the substantial advantages of her children that we were never ill and never hungry, she thought that all children would be cleverer if this was true of them."

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"It seems like the sort of thing that might help, alongside all the other advantages I imagine you had."

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When Lilia was fourteen, she pretended to acquire a diary and write in it, and secretly rigged it to gouge out the eyes of any reader. She'd been trying to get Rose, but a servant had looked at it first. It'd been rebellious, her mother explained to her afterwards, though she hadn't meant it that way. Rose and the servant both were her mother's property, and what right had Lilia to damage her mother's property for her own entertainment? She'd taken Lilia's own eyes, as punishment, but having it explained to Lilia that her mother was disappointed was actually worse than the week she spent in darkness.

 

"I was very lucky," she says, and the truth spell lets her have it because she really and sincerely means it.

 


 

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She's very busy. Egorian avoided being half spies by being a very dangerous place to be a foreigner; Westcrown has no such protections. There is more industrial espionage than political but that's not for a shortage of the political. (Also, while people being murdered for their rifles isn't technically her department, Lilia is patiently expanding the scope of her department and will be helpful there, too, if she can.) The Church of Asmodeus wants the country to collapse into civil war again and still owns the souls of half of everyone who matters; various demon lords of course want the country to collapse; Taldor wouldn't mind that either; it would be uncharitable to assume the same is true of Cheliax's allies but Lilia assumes it anyway, from long habit. 

“Did you recover Cheliax’s diamonds or did someone escape with those?” Lilia asks Cansellarion once she has realized he’s probably not hiding it from her because she isn’t supposed to know. (He does weirdly little of that, or is much much better at it than she would expect.)

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“We did not recover them. Either someone escaped with them or they were all spent.” Cheliax did spend a lot of diamonds in the war, it’s not implausible they exhausted their supply.

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Aspexia'd been spending them like she had a lot, and the end of the war caught her by surprise, because she hadn't expected Lilia to give the enemy comprehensive guidance on palace security and personal security for Queen and Crown. They're probably still out there. Inconvenient; even an idiot is a danger, if they can make Wishes.

“It’d be unlike Aspexia to spend the last one, and there aren’t many people to whom she might’ve entrusted it, but probably I’m too busy to track them down…and probably they’re in Mechitar or at the Worldwound.” Mechitar is ….interesting, these days, and a wise person would probably go lay low somewhere else, but Lilia knows the sort of person who becomes a powerful player in Asmodean Cheliax and many of them will be there. 

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“I think I’d be reluctant to send anyone there who is powerful enough to get around whatever security the Asmodeans arranged for themselves there. At least until we know how Geb is reacting to recent events…" It's not that he's categorically opposed to ever ordering operations in Geb's backyard, but he was trained in Lastwall and is inclined towards caution there, especially when they suspect Geb to already be annoyed with Iomedae and Her church.

"And that’s assuming we were sure they were there. What leads do you imagine you’d be following, if this were your top priority?”

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“Well, I’d ask Rugatonn. And if they’re in Mechitar I wouldn’t try to recover the diamonds at all, just tip off a rival of theirs there, make a new friend, get the diamonds out of Asmodean hands. We can pick a rival who’s probably just going to make themselves prettier, if you worry about miscellaneous Blood Lords having Wish diamonds.” It seems like the kind of thing paladins would worry about.

 

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“That is the sort of thing I worry about, or at least would not want to idly cause. Hm. It would be spending a large soul-trap gem, and a slight risk of her escaping… how sure are you that you could get it out of her?” He…probably doesn’t need to clarify what methods Lilia would be allowed to use. She knows already and wouldn’t expect there to be an exception for Asmodeus’ former high priest.

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Lilia suspects it would be damaging to her relationship with her paladin allies to make it too salient that she can get anything out of anyone so long as she doesn’t have to follow the paladin rules. She does not bring it up. “I could get it out of her,” she says. “I don’t think it’d be worth the gem, but we separately wanted to ask if she knows why Asmodeus spent so much on the war, and that might be worth the gem.” And she is, now that she contemplates the question, not actually sure why Lawful Good allows interrogations at all, but it’s going to be a bit tricky to raise that concern without making Alex worry she’s still dismembering her prisoners…

The thing is that she can follow their rules. She can, in fact, though it'll be slower and more annoying, drag everything out of Aspexia while Aspexia is unconscious, and not having the slightest experiences that paladins could fret about. When a person is delivered into her custody everything Lilia wants to know will be Lilia's. The rules change how quickly she can get there, but not really what she can get. 

Obviously it would be an enormous pragmatic handicap for the forces of Good if they were to decide that you couldn't interrogate people with magic. She doesn't want to be on the losing side. She doesn't want them to decide that. But there's an oddity to the rules, a sense in which they feel like make-believe. A lot of people would say that all paladin rules are like that, but - most of them aren't, actually... the paladin rules around raping people are not that you can do it as long as you use magic rather than force and have sufficiently good reason...

Alex will probably be pleased that she's thinking about goodness seriously, if she does find a way to articulate this, but all of the phrasings she's thinking of seem likelier to make him alarmedly say 'what are you doing to people'??? 

 

“I am not entirely sure it’s ethical, though,” is what she settles on.

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...Not the response he was expecting. He sets aside the moment of worry about whether this is a trick of some sort; if it is it's probably not just a trick and it's better to think about whether it is when he's not in the middle of talking to her. He'll take it at face value for now.

“Because it’s using her opposite to the purposes she followed in life?” 

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Is that her reasoning? It's tempting, if there is a standard and paladin-comprehensible reason nearby, to adopt that one, but she doesn't actually think that it is. “She would hardly claim a principle against people doing that, but -

- I’m not actually sure the use of magic seems importantly different than the use of pain. It seems maybe allowed because it’s so much neater. Or at least if there’s some other justification it doesn’t seem applicable. Maybe it does people less lasting damage, an important consideration when the plan is to immediately trap their soul again forever. Maybe it does the interrogator less damage, but -” Wry smile. “And anyway I can’t exactly imagine paladins believing that torture’s all right if you have constructs for it so no one has to scar their soul with the doing.”

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He's not actually a particularly philosophical Iomedan. Trying to explain being a good person in a philosophically rigorous way isn't really his strength. He might still be the best person to try to explain it to Lilia, but he vaguely worries his explanations won't be good enough.

"I think it makes a lot of sense to have a principle against causing suffering for its own sake or instrumentally. Obviously we can’t have an injunction against ever causing suffering, but - torturing someone for information is a situation where if, for some reason, they didn’t mind that would make it less effective. Using magic isn’t like that, so there’s not any incentive away from trying to use the least harmful methods available, or finding less harmful ones."

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“You punish criminals,” Lilia wants to say, but probably this makes her sound like an idiot, from one angle or another. She’s not very accustomed to debating philosophy with paladins. She mostly only debated philosophy with - well, Aspexia Rugatonn, and that was a different skillset, or with her mother who had very little patience for arguments about incentives and injunctions and who tended to think that you should do things if they were themselves a good way to get what you wanted, and not otherwise. 

There is an overwhelming temptation to escape the conversation and it is, on close examination, stupid. It feels viscerally like the likely outcome of conversational missteps is a horrible death but that is false. This is strategically useful, including the occasional idiocy. Maybe she can just - “that rule seems to me to prove too much and also prohibit punishment, in general, for anything.”

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“It forbids some forms of punishment. It doesn’t forbid being forced to make restitution, nor punishments whose primary aim is to prevent further wrongdoing. I agree that the principle sits uncomfortably with trying to govern Cheliax."

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“Not just with that! Lawful Good people hit their children if they try to run into a fire, yes?”

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Alex does not have children, never will have children, and has not put any thought into how he would raise children. And never tried to run into any fires himself until he was an adult. "I…don’t know. I imagine they mostly try to pull the children away from the fire?"

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She can hardly give him a hard time over being an obsessively specialized person. She too mostly has not interacted with a child since she was one. “It seems to me defensible to beat a man for theft, even if the only route by which this prevents future thefts is that he and others dislike being beaten and will want to avoid it. If I try to come up with a reason why it’s not similarly defensible to beat a man until he tells you where he put the diamonds, I find myself saying things like that it is a use of him against his purposes, or that it causes him suffering which is bad in itself, which seem to mostly apply just as much to magic.

...I can get the answer out of Aspexia while she’s unconscious, which has notable advantages for security. I’m just - not sure I’m doing anything importantly different than I used to.”

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If she’s reluctant to perform interrogations due to moral qualms, he’s not going to push her on it, even if he thinks the policy of allowing them in general is a wise one. "I see. I think it’s not urgent to do it now, or for you to be involved at all if you’re reluctant."

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She looks faintly baffled, at that. "I don’t prefer it be done by someone else. I agree it’s not urgent, though. …it doesn’t bother you, conducting interrogations?"

 

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"It’s a way that we’re not really doing right by the people working for the Reclamation, that when they have ethical objections to how we are doing things they can usually at most not participate themselves rather than cause us to do less of what they object to. I think it’s unavoidable and not somewhere we could do much better than we are doing, but it’s still a way we’re wronging our people and I’m sorry about that.

It does bother me, somewhat, mostly for the reason that it’s wronging people to use them against their interests. And it’s something that I’m reluctant to do unnecessarily, for that reason. But - never using our enemies against their own purposes is conceding too much of an advantage to the forces of evil, just as it would be conceding too much to never send anyone to Hell."

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"Huh. …you should watch me work, if you ever have the time. I’m - not sure if we’re thinking of the same problem, exactly, but I’ve no idea how to point at it if we aren’t."

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"That might be wise. Maybe when this business with Alfirin and the factories is done my schedule will not immediately fill with new obligations."

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Whenever in infernal Cheliax someone said that they would certainly be wrong. But maybe the forces of Good are different.

 


 

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"- so she gave up on 'schedule elections' but told Alex she'd try to poach Sevar, which she has. Her explanation was that she thinks it'll be good if she personally maintains an arms monopoly, which - who knows, maybe, but it makes the insistence we hold 'elections' really irritate me. She's not putting her arms monopoly up for a vote."

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Catherine is privately amused and lets it show a little bit.

 

"She doesn't seem the type to do that, no. It would be a bit out of character."

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She doesn't miss the amusement, but she tucks it away to contemplate later. "It would be stupid, just like holding elections in Cheliax would be stupid." Alfirin, when contemplating her own interests, realizes that letting other people make the decisions will result in decisions she doesn't like. She just hasn't extended her reasoning to the entire concept of democracy, and probably won't until a few democracies crash and burn. Lilia doesn't want Cheliax to be one of them. She likes Cheliax.

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"I notice that elections in Cheliax are not in fact being held."

She doesn't know if the younger Alfirin was deliberately making impossible demands for leverage or genuinely idealistic.  She wouldn't put either one past her.

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"Alex agreed it would be stupid and we ended up trading her our weapons enchanter, which is less stupid ...and I suppose means the whole thing was just good negotiation on her part." Lilia scowls. "You know, when I was that age, if you were annoying someone assassinated you."

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Catherine does not need to tell Lilia not to, since Lilia has stopped playing the role of Lawful Evil Chelish spymistress and started playing the role of Lawful Good Chelish spymistress. "The youth these days have it so much easier than when we were young." She keeps "quietly amused" on her face instead of "bitter".

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Lilia is genuinely having a nice time despite the not being able to assassinate annoying people anymore, and has never been bitter about her childhood; it seems obviously the sort of thing that is contemptible and doesn't serve her mother.

"Half of making friends with Alex is trying to find him bits of backstory that are sympathetic but not depressing. He makes such faces if I have slightly misestimated."

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"Mm? I think your life before the Reclamation was pretty troubling. It seems like it would be easier to tell him that things are looking up now than to pretend there was nothing to concern him before."

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"I have not endeavored to persuade him that, say, I never really tortured people to death and was just pretending. But - some people have happy childhoods and decide they are going to take Cheliax back from Hell when they are six. Alex did." Lilia thought about this for a while and eventually decided she finds it charming. 

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"And some people have much more complicated childhoods and decide it only because that is what their mothers want from them? I'm sorry. I do sometimes wish I could have given you and Rose more normal childhoods, at least insofar as one can have one when one's mother is an archmage."

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Lilia blinks at her in astonishment. She'd wanted to - be candid about the rewriting-history she was doing, because it felt almost disloyal to do secretly - but she had not been fishing for and had not expected an apology. She can't think what her mother thinks Lilia is doing such that an apology would be the way to get Lilia to stop it. "Nonsense," she says lightly. "Tiny Lilia wanted to take Cheliax back from Hell because Hell was mean and bad, and badgered her mother for help at every opportunity, or at least I can think of half a dozen stories that give that impression." 

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"If that's the story you want to tell him, I have no objection. Though I think he's not quite going to buy it if you are too careful to make me look good. I did go to some lengths to provoke the man into killing me and he's apparently spent the last thirty years expecting me to jump out from behind a tapestry and take my revenge."

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"Luckily I think he finds the most generous possible gloss on my childhood still somewhat damning of your parenting. You know how paladins are. He could've kept Sevar by telling her to stay but no, wouldn't dream of it.

I can't actually think of anything I wish you'd done differently.

...to me."

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"To Rose?"

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"That seems between you and Rose. …Lawful Good Lilia has opinions but she's a bit of a busybody, you know, it can't be helped."

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"Well, I'll hear them… Was there someone else you were thinking of when you added that 'to me'?"

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"I was thinking of Rose. But not because I have some clever thing in mind that would've worked better, or because I think you ought to have done it if there was. I don't - I'm not going to start second-guessing you. We won."

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"Please do second-guess me. I might have children again someday and if there's a way I could get more of what I want - which includes my children being safe and happy - by raising them differently I want to know. I do make mistakes, sometimes."

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Something inside Lilia recoils. 

 

It's not that it's untrue. It is of course true. Anyone can observe that powerful people often have difficulty in encountering honest criticism, or distinguishing it from manipulative criticism. Lilia is loyal and this makes her criticism more useful like it makes everything else about her more useful. It still seems absurd and repellant, to propose changes to her mother's parenting.

Lilia does not actually know too much about what her mother wants, who her mother is. Anything she knew could have been forced out of her by the forces of Hell. Or Heaven, for that matter. It is better that she doesn't.

That's not the most important thing, she doesn't think.

She feels, sometimes, that she was sculpted towards a very narrow target. Anyone too Asmodean would have betrayed her mother. Anyone not Asmodean enough would've been incapable of rising inside Cheliax. Most people would have stopped leaking information when it became apparent that her mother would spend it and spend it until ultimately Lilia was tortured to death. Trying to reorient towards her mother feels like - wandering around in the dark when she knows full well she's standing on a very narrow pedestal.

"You built something beautiful, in me, and it wasn't a critic…have you asked Rose?"

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"I have not asked Rose. I am sure she will have more to complain of, I was in many ways a worse mother to her."

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Because Rose was a worse daughter. Lilia has no sympathy and vaguely wishes they weren't talking about it. 

 

"It's not an easy thing, to be a tool of the will of another and then turn out to be only all right at it. I am sure I'd have more complaints if I hadn't been good enough. But that'd have been - my weakness, not yours -"

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"If, someday, you wish to be more than just a tool of my will...A friend and companion, say," Or your own person living your own life never having anything to do with Catherine again - but if she said that Lilia would take it as rejection - "that would make me very happy."

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Lilia is pretty sure that this disconnect here would not be solved by explaining to her mother that it would be an important failure to someday develop a desire to be something else.

 

There is a disconnect, though. Unless -

"...would that really make you happy or are you feeding me lines I can truthfully share with Alex?"

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"...Please don't tell Alex I said that. It would really make me happy."

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That's just discomfiting. "Of course," says Lilia automatically.

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"When you're ready. I'm patient and in no hurry…How is it going so far, befriending Alex? Does he let you call him that, yet?"

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"I haven't tried. Maybe next loyalty check…I really look forward to them."

 

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"Oh I'd advise against bringing it up. Maybe try 'Alexeara'. I think if you just call him Alex you'll remind him of me and that's counterproductive. What is it about the loyalty checks that you enjoy? I imagine in your place it would feel - vulnerable. Like standing in an antimagic field."

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"It's terrifying. But, you know, I think I'm missing a sense of thrill and danger in my life, now that the youth have it easy and the worst the paladins will do is politely let me know we can't keep working together. And he - relaxes around me. It's a bit like the difference between you when you have guests over and when you've Dominated them. Except in a paladin way."

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"There aren't very many people who I'd sit still in an antimagic field for because it helps them relax in my presence."

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Well, see, Lilia's never had anyone be nice to her before. Saying that will really ruin the mood of this tea.

She shrugs. "If I call him Alex it'll remind him of you? When have you two ever met face to face, the moment he murdered you?"

 

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"Oh, then, a couple times before. When I was provoking him. His friends call him Alex, see, for everyone else it's 'Alexeara' or 'Ser Cansellarion', and of course I'd dominated a few of them and was taunting him with the familiarity. It really got under his skin very effectively, for such a small thing. And once or twice in negotiations during the war, once he knew it was me. Most people, he'd just correct, but from you I expect he'd find it reminiscent."

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"Yes. I am glad you warned me. …if I succeed at seducing him, and it's going to be very challenging, would you mind, on one occasion, being in my living room as yourself the next morning, with breakfast?"

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What.

 

"Of all the favors you could ask of me. Do you mean shapeshifted into Myrabelle or just as I am now?"

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"No, no, as Myrabelle. …I care about him quite a lot but I can't not poke that, now that I know more about it."

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"I wish you the best of luck, pursuing him. Ask me again when you've caught him, if you still want me to do that, and I will."

 


 

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“I expect to have time next week,” Alexeara informs Lilia, “If you still think it would be valuable for me to watch you working.”

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She’s worried that letting him watch her will be either counterproductive for the project of seducing him or counterproductive for the project of figuring out why she thinks interrogation is probably Evil and actual Good people don’t seem to think so. (Counterproductive for the first if she doesn’t play nice, counterproductive for the second if she does). However, Lawful Good Lilia would absolutely do it. Lawful Good Lilia cares about philosophical disagreement for its own sake, and also doesn’t want to talk to Aspexia until she’s settled this. “I’d appreciate it.”

Seducing Alex is not strategically important in any way and is mostly a bonus task she set herself so she wouldn’t get bored; it should not be the thing that wins out when priorities are in conflict. She notices a vague nervousness anyway that he’ll be disgusted with her. Well, if he is, it’s because he was lying to himself all along about who she is and that’s pretty contemptible of him.

 

 

Lilia’s department has other people who do the things that the Reclamation likes to try first, before you resort to magic; negotiation where one party holds all the cards, trying to build rapport with people, etcetera etcetera. Lilia only bothers herself there if an asset is extraordinarily useful. not because she’s no good at it - she’s very good at it - but because it’s slow and she’s very busy. She does all the Dominates herself, because as a technique it’s not very forgiving of error and other people have less finesse with it. Then someone else gives everyone the chance to object to their treatment, say anything they want about the case under truth spell, etcetera, but that all mostly feels like window dressing on the part where they learn anything they need to know. (She’s prohibited from asking them about most things she doesn’t need to know, but she never really bothered with that anyway. She’s busy, and while it’s fun to learn someone’s deep emotional vulnerabilities and so on it’s rarely a good use of time.)

What is a good use of time is to command useful appropriately thorough nonmisleading answers and then get a timeline and a confession to all relevant crimes and a network of relationships and accusations against those people and rumors on topics of interest to her. She reads their minds while they speak, asks about anything important they seem to be trying to hide, makes them search their own memories for more people to betray to her. She has them speak quickly, often quickly enough no one can understand them but her; it saves time. She permits them to fidget, this being a Reclamation rule, though it often results in subjects thrashing around like a beached fish which strikes her as embarrassing enough she’d personally prefer to be forced to hold still. Mostly, though, she doesn’t contemplate at all what they’d prefer. She finds interrogations much more akin to having a report read to her than to interacting with a person. The person stopped being a factor in the situation a long time ago; what remains is everything that they knew.  

She has decided not to indulge the impulse to avoid scaring Alex off, but she does indulge the impulse to impress him, mostly by using rather more of the good interrogation spells she knows (the ones that make someone permanently more vulnerable to your divinations and let you pull memories directly out of their mind) than she’d typically bother with for what’s evidently not a very good plot by the remaining Church of Asmodeus. 

She still doesn't have an articulation of why this seems Evil, or indeed of what Evil is, but she is (despite the many reasons not to expect this) vaguely expecting him to be upset once he's actually witnessed it, even though she's followed all the rules.

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"...What happened there?" he asks between interrogations, about a prisoner who was thrashing violently in her chair. "Was she suffering?"

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"....presumably? Wouldn't you be, if captured by your enemies and obliged to betray all your secrets to them?"

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"Yes. I mean - was there anything else."

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"No."

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Well, apart from that Cansellarion does not actually see anything objectionable here, and suspects that Lilia’s difficulty seeing the difference between this and torturing information out of people is a product of Lilia’s life experience deadening her moral intuitions. Or she gets a lot of violently thrashing Asmodeans, in which case perhaps he too ought to reconsider. "This is a very efficient operation. How often do you get people reacting like that, out of how many people?"

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"Moving around a lot? Less than a quarter. It's more common with non-Chelish people." Probably because those are likelier to imagine she'll care. "I'd make them sit still like civilized people but that's against the guidelines I was given, if they're not actually impeding the questioning."

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That is a mildly troubling way to phrase it.

"Please continue to not do that. I would like to speak to that woman, not under a dominate."

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She nods brusquely to the guards as if this order requires her confirmation - Abrogail would have her head at least temporarily for that, but she suspects Alex won't - and Dispels her Dominate and takes her lunch break, even though she doesn't eat lunch, as if he decides he objects to her procedures she doesn't want to oblige him to interrupt in the middle of them.

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Ona spent the war making enormous amounts of money smuggling people out of Cheliax, and was surprised to be offered almost as much in exchange for the identities, documents, etc. of the hastily departing, which could be turned around and sold to allow people to stay in Cheliax who the Reclamation was looking for. She only committed a few murders, of people who blackmailed her or learned the wrong thing at the wrong time, and only handed over a few of the people she was smuggling to the Church of Asmodeus, when it paid really well for the privilege, and she is genuinely sincerely loyal to her lover/bodyguard and to her brother who is an Asmodean priest.

If possible she will absolutely accuse every Reclamation official she has run across since her arrest of torture, and rape, and looting, and taking bribes, and cannibalism, and seems to only not be going for 'murder' as there'd be credibility issues, with her right here in one piece.

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"Those are very serious accusations. Are you willing to repeat them under a truth spell?"

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You have to beat a Zone of Truth sometimes, in her business. She'll gamble on it. Yes definitely.

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No, the cleric of Abadar sort of truth spell. They have some of those on retainer for things like this.

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Oh. They're really fucking annoying, did they know that? Change of tacks. She's so scared. She was just trying to help people get out of Cheliax and she never wanted to hurt anyone and she's glad it's over and just wants to start over in Vyre with her family. Her lip is quivering.

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Is she willing to say that under a truthspell?

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Yyyyesss? She can get all that by a truth spell, for some understandings of 'never meant to hurt anyone'. She looks very desperate and very sad.

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"Has any reclamation official actually mistreated you?"

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She in fact feels very mistreated about the arrest and the interrogation. She was manhandled and treated like a criminal and terrified for her life and forced to betray everyone she knows to the Reclamation and made a SLAVE by a TERRIFYING WIZARD (she's so sad and scared) and she just wants to go home.

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Does she mean anything in particular by "treated like a criminal" besides being imprisoned and questioned about activities which were, in fact, against the law? What did the terrifying wizard do with her when she was enslaved?

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She mostly means that she was imprisoned and questioned. And deprived of her property.

 

The terrifying wizard - look, has he ever arrived home and his house was robbed while he was out, and all his possessions have been dumped on the floor and sifted through for valuables, all the non-valuables left discarded in heaps on the ground? It's like that, except with the contents of your mind, and it was awful. 

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Is that a very colorful way of describing "The wizard asked her questions and made her give honest answers" or were there mentally destructive magics involved?

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She isn't an expert on magic! It was really awful!

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Awful like having to answer a lot of questions or awful like being hit in the head with a pick repeatedly?

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Awful like having your house robbed except it's your head. She already said that. 

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That sounds like it's mostly awful like having to answer a lot of questions, that she really didn't want to answer.

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She doesn't expect him to understand. He's a paladin, right? He can't understand terror.

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It is entirely plausible that he's not going to understand on his own. He'll consult with some people who can feel fear about how urgent it is to change their procedures. Is there something she thinks the Reclamation could have done which would have gotten the information they were after out of her that would not have terrified her?

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They could have offered her amnesty and promised not to bother her loved ones and she'd happily have told them everything else.

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He can review the decision not to offer her amnesty. The reclamation is not going to bother her loved ones in their capacity as her loved ones, though if they have also been committing crimes they might be arrested for those. Is there anything else that would have done it?

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Well, maybe if they'd been nice and reasonable and not treated her like a criminal.

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Can she break down "been nice and reasonable" into specific actions?

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They could have not arrested her, scheduled a meeting to which she'd have brought her own guards and her own legal representation, and respectfully made their case. 

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He will review the decision not to do that.

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Great. Can she go now?

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This conversation can be over. She cannot leave, because she is a criminal who was conspiring with the Church of Asmodeus against the Reclamation government.

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Outrageous, unconscionable lies.

 

 


 

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Lilia spends her 'lunch break' in erroneous distress. As no god will ever declare her their fearless servant, noticing the distress is erroneous doesn't eliminate it. 

 

Her distress is most concretely erroneous because most of it is about having brought a problem to her superiors' attention without having pinned the blame on someone. Usually when bringing a problem to one's superiors' attention one figures out an idiot who is in some sense responsible for it, or can be made to look it, and blames them, so that the superior is neither impeded in admitting it's a problem by not wanting to themselves accept the blame for it nor inclined to blame you. This is not how the Reclamation operates, doing it would have been unwise, and any nagging sense that she failed to do it is just foolishness. 

If Alex, having reviewed her procedures, wants to make some small adjustments, then she calculated correctly; she acted as a Lawful Good person would, Lawful Good will have the chance to be more Lawful Good, they'll trust her more, and probably the interrogations will be less Evil, which is the sort of thing you sign up for being invested in when you start attempting to act as a Lawful Good person. 

If Alex, having reviewed her procedures, decides that actually interrogation is always unconscionable, then that will be an enormous disaster for the Reclamation and for Cheliax, but for precisely that reason he probably won't do it; he is a nice person, but she hasn't actually seen him be a nice person in ways that impede de-Asmodeaning his country. He did not hesitate to send people to Hell in order to win and she's not actually sure he'd have hesitated at torture if not for Iomedae forbidding it, and She doesn't forbid interrogation. She is unlikely to by accident stumble on a way to make him shoot himself in the foot, and if she can do that, then even if she had successfully avoided it probably someone else would do it at some point.

 

She spends a little while mulling over why, when nothing has happened to inspire recalculating any of that, she can't seem to let the dice roll and coldly wait to learn the outcome of her gamble, as you ultimately have to learn to do if you're in the gambling business. She concludes with a slight twinge of self-disgust that it's because she's grown rather fond of Alex. A notorious sort of error, in this sort of game; not one to which she's ever been prone, but she's never actually tried seducing likeable people before. 

 

When she tries to stop dwelling on it she finds herself dwelling instead on her mother's proclamation that she'd like it if Lilia grew to become a friend and companion. This is, of course, even worse.

 

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"I can see how you came to conclude this was evil. I think - it is evil, mostly for the reasons we discussed before. But, as with killing an enemy in combat or executing a convicted criminal, it's the sort of evil that, when done towards a good aim or in defense of others, is - easier to forgive. It's certainly less evil than torturing someone, and I think it matters, that we're doing the less harmful thing.

 

If you're uncomfortable with it you are free to stop." He thinks this would be bad for the Reclamation, but you can't order people to do evil things they think morally equivalent to torture just because it would be bad for the government if they stopped.

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Oh. She'd rather assumed that paladins had to get more worked up about Evil things, and therefore to conclude things they weren't worked up about weren't Evil. "I don't want to stop. I think we'd have three coup attempts on our hands by Signing Day. I don't even mind it, really, I find it relaxing. It's more that - 

- I know how to do Evil things. I don't know how Good people do Evil things."

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"Regretfully, and trying to take the least Evil available option. I am sure there's more to it that I find intuitive and that the church has found some way to formalize, but I don't explicitly know what that is or the formal ways to state it."

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Is he worried that he isn't explaining Good satisfactorily. That was not what she was steering for. "I can and do bother Iomedae's priests, you know. Always have, including when I was just trying to understand the ideology so I could brief our spies better. They're very helpful with some things, but - I still find I learn something from watching the implementation.

 

...and anyone who has spent their life in Vigil studying theology - well, I guess I just don't find their priorities very compelling? The important questions weren't in fact complicated."

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"I never found them very complicated either."

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This is going well after all. She meets his eyes, lowers her voice as though this has any effect at all on how likely they are to be overheard in a private sanctum'd meeting room. "You think I should keep doing what I'm doing? I know you won't order it, I know you won't be upset if I stop, but -

- when I asked you whether you would have, hypothetically, approved, if one of your people had wanted to go be the spymaster of Cheliax and had the resources to do it, I wasn't just enjoying being mysterious, the answer to that question was in fact important to whether we could work together -"

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"I think it is necessary work, and you do it better than anyone we'd be able to replace you with. Whether or not you should do it... I think depends on the effects on you, and isn't something I know enough to say."

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Lilia isn't worried about that because she has been irrevocably damned since she was twenty two. Lawful Good Lilia ...probably is worried about that, even though she also has been irrevocably damned since she was twenty two. Lawful Good people seem to worry about that a lot. 

 

It sounds kind of upsetting to worry too much, or at all, about the effects of her behavior on her character. She probably shouldn't say that.

"I don't think I care to cultivate the habit of being less bothered by bad things if someone else is doing them," she says. "I have several personality flaws but not that one. And - I know you were not, exactly, talking about the state of my soul, but I do recall that everyone else has to worry about theirs. I'll do it. But maybe I'll do Aspexia - only once it's strategically necessary, if we find it is, not just because I'm terribly curious."

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"Just because you're terribly curious does seem like a bad reason to do that sort of thing... I think it's not immediately urgent but I think it is probably worth repeating the soul-trap, and the usefulness of any information we get out of her is going to decrease the longer we wait."

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Well, all right. Alex said that Good people do interrogations reluctantly. Lilia can arrive at the conclusion she wants with exquisite reluctance.

 "...that makes sense. All right. I want to think about it for a little while - and about the security measures - but if it seems like a good idea in a week there's no reason to wait six months. - thank you. For observing, even if you ended up thinking I had better decide myself what to do."

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"You're welcome. I'm sorry there wasn't the time sooner." He finds something slightly disturbing, in Montero's reasons for continuing to do her current work, but it's her choice and they do need her and he's not going to push back on it any more. It would be better if Montero had a proper confessor, though, one with the right training who's not busy running the country...but she doesn't have the patience for theologians, and he can't really blame her.

 


 

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Aspexia Rugatonn authorized Montero's detention only reluctantly. It wasn't pity, just uncertainty. Montero seemed much less likely than most people to be a traitor, and the string of coincidences Abrogail pointed to could be easily explained as the work of an enemy archmage - and they know the enemy to possess one. Ordinarily, of course, it would be little loss to torture someone for crimes of which they were innocent, but Montero is not replaceable.

Also, insofar as Aspexia Rugatonn has the capacity to like people, she likes Montero. It is with slight regret that she eventually assents to have her arrested, and she is slightly distracted for the next few days, waiting for the news of whether Abrogail was right or whether Abrogail broke one of their most valuable assets in a fit of paranoid stupidity.

Neither outcome ought to have produced an interrogator as miserable as the one who crawls before her on the fourth day of questioning. Nor should ‘they haven't broken her yet' - which would be embarrassing, of course, but everyone involved would go to great lengths to avoid having to directly confess it to Aspexia Rugatonn's face, and she is busy and would have let them avoid wasting her time, at least until the fifth day.

"Yes?" she says, icily but not quite icily enough the man is paralyzed with fright. She can say ‘yes?' icily enough to paralyze a man with fright - she can say ‘yes?' icily enough to paralyze a pit fiend with fright - but then they don't talk, and this wastes time. 

"Most High, we have a confession that is of no use."

"Explain."

"She confessed to being a servant of Iomedae and of the Glorious Reclamation. And also to being a servant of Cortellus Thrune. And also to aiming to take the throne in her own right. And also to being a servant of Baphomet. She confirmed them all under an Abadar's Truthtelling that to all appearances was working fine. Mindreading confirmed them all as well."

So devoid of any magic items, any spells, any allies, and any warning - for if she'd anticipated the arrest she would surely have fled - Montero can beat a truth spell and a Detect Thoughts. This would be surprising to learn of most people but isn't, really, all that surprising to learn of Montero. She has always possessed tricks that her mother taught her, tricks no one else alive knew. She would, possessing this power, obviously never have admitted it.

It makes it easier to imagine she is a traitor; it is clear how she would have concealed her treason. But it mostly means they know nothing. 

She orders the interrogators tortured to death themselves, for incompetence, and orders Montero promptly executed. No power she possesses in life will let her withhold her secrets from the devil that holds her soul in Hell. She does the Malediction herself, to make sure it is done properly and because the strength of the caster of the Malediction affects the chances that any other priest can overcome it. 

Montero is bloodied and naked, her eyes glazed, her limbs crushed; she is barely recognizable. Aspexia Heals her and puts up and takes down an Antimagic Field, just to make entirely sure it is her and not a lookalike. Her eyes close, then open; she recognizes Aspexia. She opens her mouth and for a moment Aspexia thinks, with a flare of disgust, that she'll beg. 

"Most High," Montero says. "If I didn't like you, or at least hate your enemies, I'd've confessed to working with you to overthrow Abrogail. Caused some real trouble."

"May your obedience find its appropriate reward in Hell," says Aspexia, and Maledicts her. 

"And yours," says Montero, and then they kill her.

Aspexia waits three hours in case there are any complications with extracting the information in Hell, and then Communes with her god. Does it serve You to proceed as if Montero is a traitor to the Church and to Cheliax?

UNCLEAR.

Fine. A Planar Ally, then, targeting the devil whose name is on Cheliax's copy of Montero's soul-sale contract.

That, at least, works. 

"Do you own the soul of the mortal Lilia Ramona de Montero?"

"You're not authorized to know that."

 


 

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Lilia has less fun than she would have expected taking Aspexia Rugatonn apart. This is, she knows, a predictable consequence of all this 'pretending to be a Good person'; to pretend at something effectively is to shape a part of your mind in that fashion for real, and so she has steered part of herself into not enjoying a good interrogation as much. In one sense, this was an unforced error; Alex wasn't expecting her to go around having moral disapproval of interrogations, and if she hadn't no one would have found it suspicious. But in another sense this was just the result of noticing something true, and things you deliberately don't notice because you don't want to process them will more often than not murder you in the end. 

Anyway it's still a reasonably entertaining endeavor. She conducts the interrogation in a Mage's Magnificent Mansion, with both of them Mind Blanked; adversaries cannot enter it, unless Asmodeus has appointed another ninth circle cleric who can Gate, and even then they should have considerable difficulty in figuring out how to target the Gate, and in any event she has a contingency to, if a Gate does open anywhere in the mansion, instantly dismiss it and drop them all into the antimagic field at the corresponding location on the Material.

(Aspexia Rugatonn instinctively permits a Mind Blank, but of course resists the Dominate Person, in fact resists it quite effectively even stripped of all her magic items. Lilia pricks her with an exotic poison obtained in Dtang Ma which drains away the senses, and then once she's insensible lands it.)

They were expecting to have more time; they'd evacuated some of the treasury directly to Hell, but not all of it. They had orders to establish another Asmodean kingdom somewhere on Golarion, more subtly the next time. There was concern about maintaining the Church's Rovagug-monitoring-and-response efforts, which Lilia of course doesn't begrudge them and wouldn't dream of interfering in. There were diamonds, six diamonds, smuggled directly to Hell by now. Most of the names to follow up on are ones that she knew already but there are a few leads she wouldn't have thought of pursuing. 

 

 

Lilia likes Aspexia Rugatonn because Aspexia, like Lilia, is an achievement by a higher power. Lilia's higher power is her mother, and Aspexia's is her god, but it's the same thing, in a deep sense. Most people are trying, however ineptly, to live their own lives, to attain their own desperate confused desires or self-concepts or escapes from their own errors. Asmodeanism calls it free will, and says it is a great error introduced by the forces of Chaos and Good. Lilia's mother was impatient with theology, and Lilia arrived at a different conception of what it meant that she was her mother's.

Myrabelle wanted a child who would obey her even when her orders were to commit treason, even when it became apparent that Myrabelle would spend and spend and spend the plausible deniability behind which Lilia was hiding until she'd spent it all and it ended with Lilia being caught and tortured to death. Myrabelle was a master enchanter. Myrabelle had built loyalty and devotion into Lilia's mind before she was even born. Lilia was Myrabelle's because the person in Lilia's position would be Myrabelle's, there was no other sort of person they could be. (They could fail Myrabelle, like Rose, but they couldn't not be loyal to her.) The question of why to obey Lilia's mother was then fundamentally the same in character as the question of why you're in your own head and not someone else's. You are always the only person you could possibly be.

 

Not that she could say that to Aspexia Rugatonn, but - they got along. 

When the interrogation is done Lilia relaxes the Dominate to permit Aspexia to speak volitionally, if she chooses. This is a foolish indulgence, of course. There is nothing Aspexia could say that could matter, and if there was Lilia would want to be sure not to hear it. But they have been friends for thirty years, or something like it, and she is curious if somewhere beneath the singleminded devotion to her god Aspexia is grieved that she was a traitor. And the Reclamation rules won't let her force Aspexia to answer. 

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Aspexia Rugatonn has nothing to say to traitors and to the best of her powers nothing to think where they'll hear it, but she is not so perfected in Asmodeus's service that she is not reviewing, hazily, all the conversations of their acquaintance, trying to relabel happy memories as memories of error, as memories of opportunities to catch a traitor sooner, and as she does that she wonders if Lilia was her mother in another guise, or a thing built by her mother, because that's the natural thing to wonder about Lilia Ramona de Montero, once you learn that she's a traitor. She really does not seem the type to have done it independently.  Whereas Myrabelle - Myrabelle was the sort of person to have a deal by which Hell'd keep her secrets. 

 

There is some grief, in the error-correcting, and a profound loneliness. 

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Right. Well. That went perfectly, then.

 

Lilia has the Reclamation's people trap her soul again. Brings the Lord Marshal her notes.

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"They were planning to set up another Asmodean kingdom? Do you think you'll be able to find out where, or should we try to find someone with less on their plate?"

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"Do you have a couple of those in your Bag of Holding with Teleport locations all over Vudra and Tian Xia? I'll handle it." Her mother will want to help.

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"I don't, personally. The Church would probably have been able to find people for it... Thank you."

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"I promise, I don't want to have to do this all over again any more than you do. Well. Maybe slightly more than you do. You can't even get any new paladin powers out of it."

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"I probably cannot, no. And even if I did, they'd hardly help with running a country unless a half-dozen pit fiends try to assassinate me."

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"The important thing to remember about pit fiends," she says in the tone of one instructing a small child in horse-riding, "is that they're more scared of you than you are of them."

 

 


 

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"I worry about Sarusan. I don't think that we have a good way to monitor what's going on there... The best option might be to raise the possibility of an Asmodean state there to the Iomedans, and hope that their church on that continent will be able to handle it without regular contact with the rest of the world. Or that they'd be able to establish a church there if it didn't stick the first time."

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"Or that if they can't, it's for reasons that'd also stop Asmodeus from doing it. If your Discern Locations start turning up Sarusan we can rethink that, I suppose. Queralt doesn't strike me as the type to try an elaborate gamble in Sarusan, absent a Commune result directing him to try it, and if - as Aspexia thought - they mostly want a presence to meet Asmodeus's Rovagug-related obligations, then it's hard to see how running Sarusan would even help."

Lilia usually has an enchantment take notes for her, but the privacy protections on her mother's tearoom prevent that, so she's taking them by hand. She has only a very limited intercontinental operation. It's going to be an undertaking, even if Alex will pay for it, and even if they restrict themselves to the continents which mortals return from when they visit them. 

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"I agree that it's not the most likely candidate if Rugatonn was correct about why Asmodeus wanted a loyal state, and not an area where I'd invest a lot of resources given the inherent difficulties. Just keep in mind that it's a possibility, especially if Hell has developed effective practices for operating out of a region that erases the memories of those departing. Caina has a similar effect."

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She knows. She's been there. She makes a note of it anyway.

 

 

"I had a question on another matter," she says. "You mentioned that - it would make you very happy, if I were to be your - friend and companion. Is this - a preference to have such a person, such that I could satisfy it by identifying or making one, or is it - sentimental - you want it to be me -"

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What an incredibly characteristic way to approach the matter.

"I want it to be you."

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"You know, I always assumed that you would kill me, once we'd won, because I know how you are immortal, and that is not a secret you have guarded this long by being - sentimental. Obviously being friends hardly precludes that but it does seem like making your life unnecessarily complicated.

Or maybe I would more precisely say - people speak of different things, when they speak of friends, and I do not know if you are proposing that I develop some interests to pursue against yours and you continually reevaluate if I am threatening enough to assassinate, or if you are proposing - the Lastwall thing, where we are open with each other and amiably part ways if we end up at odds -"

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"I never planned to kill you just because we'd won... It would have been wasteful, even if I weren't sentimental. Which I am...I am proposing the Lastwall thing."

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"When I obey you, do you feel - safe, happy, like there's ground beneath your feet, like you're not surrounded by enemies -"

 

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"Yes. I would be grieved if you were someday my enemy."

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"But it wouldn't feel like giving that up, if I was your - companion - and might sometimes disobey you?"

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"It wouldn't feel like giving that up, if you were my ally and friend instead of my servant. It wouldn't shake my trust in you, for me to ask you for something and for you to say 'no'...It would if you told me you were obeying and then betrayed me."

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Well, of course. "When you made me, did you get the thing you wanted most? Could I have been better?"

 

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"For the way I used you… I don't think you could have been better. I got what I was trying to make."

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"But now you want something different." 

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"Now I want something different, because Asmodean Cheliax is overthrown and I could not bear to send you to Nidal or to Geb…and I am not foolish enough to take on Nidal or Geb."

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"I am frightened that if I stop being yours I will find I am resentful of what you did to me."

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"I expect you will be."

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Okay now Lilia is confused.

 

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Catherine can wait until Lilia has another question.

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"Why does that seem like an acceptable cost."

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"Because I love you and it is worth a lot to me for you to be safe and happy and free."

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Lilia has not since she was a very small child entertained the delusion that her mother loves her. If anyone had raised the question, which they did not because she would murder them for it, she would have found the question as absurd as Aspexia Rugatonn would have found it to be asked whether Asmodeus loved her. She would disbelieve it, but she does not disbelieve her mother. She would be angry, but she is not angry with her mother. 

She is suddenly reminded, vividly, of the stupid argument with Carissa Sevar, of the impossibility of convincing people that they aren't in Asmodean Cheliax any more, that they were sculpted to be slaves but, in fact, aren't, of the contemptible tendency to remain a slave because anything else is too confusing -

It is not very pleasant. 

 

 

 

And then she does feel angry with her mother. She hadn't even known that was possible. 

 

"I would like it," she says, "if you would hurt me like you did when I was a child, so I know how much has grown in my imagination and how much has shrunk and how much I am lying about you."

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"Okay. Would you like me to remove the enchantment?" Lilia knows about it, obviously. The fact that she's not asking for it to be removed... could be that she still doesn't want it gone, or it could be that she doesn't expect Catherine would ever remove it.

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…Lilia blinks. "- that seems dangerous. I don't know what to expect if you do."

 

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It seems unwise to comment on that. Better to let Lilia weigh that consideration as she will, without any input from Catherine.

"That didn't answer my question."

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Would you like to find out who you are if you aren't mind-controlled to trust me?

 

She really wouldn't. She has been for sixty years perfectly content not knowing that, not being someone to whom that answer mattered. In a sense, caring about that answer was itself not trusting her mother. Aspexia Rugatonn never wondered who she'd have been if her parents hadn't allowed a devil to raise her.

It is a prerequisite, of course, for things she does care about. Which is to say that it might bring them about it and it might well render them forever out of reach. 

 

She's scared now, and irritated. "Do it."

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As much as she'd like to snap her fingers and be done with it, it's not actually a quick process. It takes Catherine a few minutes to prepare the spell and then another hour to cast it, unraveling the enchantment - unraveling it on herself. She could just exclude Lilia, but - she doesn't feel the need to keep the rest of the charm. Rose and Ione won't notice anything, right away. She can check on them later and see if they still want anything to do with her.

After an hour of reverse-casting it's done and the enchantment peels off of her and falls away from all her descendants. "I can still - hurt you - if you still want to do the comparison."

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What does Lilia want. That question has had such a simple answer for a very long time. 

 

 

She still loves her mother, she finds. That's reassuring. She hadn't been sure.

 

She still does not want Cheliax to burn to the ground. So that's good. 

 

She wants Alex

Yeah, that one remains a stretch goal and she is working on it. 

"I do still want the comparison," she manages to say after a moment.

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She casts inflict pain three times. "This was how much when you made a mistake in public. And this when you were disobedient in private. And this for training you to resist torture."

 

There were more things besides inflict pain that Myrabelle did to Lilia when punishing her or training her to resist torture. Catherine does not want to try repeating them, even if the comparison would be applicable, which it wouldn't; Lilia is much tougher now than when she was a child.

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Lilia is very still. She's a grown woman, now. It's not very bad, not really. Neither of them are under the impression it is in the hundred worst things her mother did to her.

 

It is torture. She has not been imagining anything about her childhood.

 

"Did it bother you, to do that?"

 

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"Now or then?"

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"Either. Both."

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"Yes. Differently, now."

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"I'm going to leave now," says Lilia. "I love you. I hope you are miserable."

 

One of those is probably going to give, eventually. 

She Teleports out.

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Catherine plane shifts to privacy and only then lets herself weep.

 

 


 

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It is a dangerous game trying to talk to Alex when she's in this mood but she's feeling reckless and lonely and like it'd be a waste of the mood not to. She goes to work and sends everyone else out of her office but tells them the Lord Marshal should be allowed in, if he wants.

"Only him. If Arazni stops by, tell her I'm busy."

 

Her secretary nods miserably. Lilia feels a flash of delight. She does not especially try to get her job done, just stares at it. 

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Domenico Ervin has been working for de Montero since the Lord Marshal hired her, and has trusted her for... none of that time. He's sure the Lord Marshal has good reason to think she's turned over another leaf, but that's not quite enough to convince him that she's not planning to betray them all someday, or at least willing to do so if the right opportunity came up or someone offered the right price.

This is probably not what elaborately betraying them all looks like, though. He goes to tell the Lord Marshal.

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Well that's... strange. He's not sure what to make of it. Someone should probably look into it, though, and it sounds like the sort of task that's not really delegable.

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"Montero, did - something happen?"

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"And here I thought I had successfully concealed all signs any things happened. Don't have me say that where Abadar's listening. …it's a personal matter, Cheliax is fine, and while I would like it if you stayed I do not expect anything bad to happen if you leave unless someone times a political disaster exquisitely for two hours from now."

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He made sure he did not have anything else time-sensitive happening before coming here. He sits down, across from her. "If you want to talk about whatever it is, I can do that. If you want assurances about how I'll use the information I can grant those. If you want to be less afraid I can do that too. If you just want me to sit here either with or without the aura of courage I would like to fetch or send for some paperwork first."

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She gives him a tired, fond smile. "You are very relentlessly decent, Lord Marshal. …I'd like to discuss something, confidentially, and I do not want the aura of courage."

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"Alright." He's not going to ask unless it looks like she wants him to ask.

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She is drumming her fingers on her desk, unhappily. "There is something I didn't mention. Out of - protectiveness, I guess. Of my mother, and of my - story about my childhood, and of your impression that I am presently in the possession of my senses. I have been subject to a very subtle enchantment since I was born, to make me like my mother, and make me trust her, and make me listen to her. We all have. All her descendents. It’s not - not very powerful, not really, but I have never been without it.

And today I - she took it off, with my permission, and this was obviously a good idea, but I feel - fairly hurt and confused and upset."

 

Really what she feels is - that jarring sensation some illusion magic inflicts where you stare at a face you've absolutely seen before but which your mind insists is unfamiliar, or refuses to resolve into a face at all even though it clearly has all the constituent parts in the right places. Except instead of about faces it's about the very concept of caring about anything at all. But she is not going to inflict poetry on Alex that she hasn't gotten independently approved by someone with taste in poetry. 

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"...I'm so so sorry that happened - that you were enchanted in the first place and that it - hurt to have it removed. I am confused about a lot of things but since I'm not acting on any of this it's not very important to unconfuse me, unless you think it would help you to answer my questions."

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"I would be happy to answer your questions. It might make me less confused also, really. I also might be all right with you acting on some of this, later, I just don't want to do - irrevocable things - while I'm -"

 

While she can't evaluate if it might hurt her mother, who she loves, who didn't stop being the center of the world just because it feels a little less obvious that she deserves to be the center of the world, who she wants a hug from quite badly even though they don't really have that kind of relationship and also she doesn't know if she'll ever speak to her again and also it's hard to imagine anything worse than never speaking to her again.

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"Yes, of course - I - why? I think I can - guess, at least, why she applied it in the first place," because she's evil and an enchanter and evil enchanters solve trust problems with mind control, "But I don't understand why she would remove it. This is probably because I don't understand her very well."

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Lilia feels a flare of defensiveness - why wouldn't her mother do that - which she is aware is insane. Why did her mother do that. She would be better at answering that if it hadn't come as such a surprise to her herself. 

 


"It was the right thing to do," says Lilia, "to remove it. …she wouldn't phrase it that way. It is a more complete victory over Asmodeus, isn't it, to beat him and then reclaim everything you expended in so doing - but she wouldn't phrase it that way either. She would say that - it happens that she wants me to be happy and free, and so she wanted to. But it's the same thing, really… we've been talking for a while about what relationship to have going forward. And I think we were at a point where - she could say she wanted me to be a friend and not a servant to her, but if she wasn't going to remove it, then she didn't really mean it, right."

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"Will it upset you if I say things that are critical of her?"

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"Possibly but I wouldn't want you to hold back on that account."

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"She does not seem to have acted, for the most part, like someone who wants you to be happy and free. She enchanted you for sixty years and had you sell your soul to Hell and work in the old Chelish court."

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"Oh, I didn't think she cared about me at all." That is slightly more candid than Lilia had intended to be. "I was very surprised when we started talking after the war about - me - and she kept making suggestions like 'you should do what makes you happy' and so on." 

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"I am going to not act on that information but if you later allow me to and allow me to confirm it in Aktun that will actually help me trust you substantially more… It seems like it would be very upsetting, to have a mother who you thought did not care for you at all. Was it upsetting before today?"

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"Not really. It's not as if other Chelish people have imitable loving maternal relationships one could reasonably envy. And she was proud of me. I was perfect. I was happy about that."

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"I can see why she was. When did she start saying you should pursue your own goals?"

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"After the war. Well. We did not speak much between after I spoke to you and the end of the war. She proposed I take some time off, which could have been concern for my welfare but which I interpreted at the time as noticing I was damaged but repairable. And then I know Iomedae - spoke to her -

The next time we talked she was different, and she said it was because I wasn't in Egorian any more, it was less costly to tell me more things. She did not say that she loved me and wanted me to be happy until - more recently than that. But she was - telling me things I'd find interesting - it was different."

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"Do you know exactly what Iomedae said to her and do you want to? - Actually, I am not sure if I can tell you, I'll need to think about that. I am to act as though I do not know it was her that Iomedae spoke to until I learn that through means other than our negotiations and I don't know if this counts… I should spend at least ten minutes thinking. If you would want to know."

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"You're adorable," says Lilia. "There were dozens of witnesses, I got myself an account. Iomedae said the person you'd be if you were living up to your own values is someone I have no quarrel with and my mother got upset with Her. But it seems - maybe relevant. To whether 'my mother removed the mind control because she is trying to be - better -' is a reasonable theory of what happened or whether I am being silly to believe it. I do believe it. I don't think she had anything at all to gain by it except that the previous situation wasn't fair to me, was getting in the way of things that are important to me, and she cared about that. I don't think she would have pretended because she didn't need to."

 

Or she just wants her mother to be a person she can ally with and suddenly feels on some level like that would require her mother to be a better person. That thought is almost too frightening and nauseating to look at directly.

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"I don't know if she was necessarily trying to be a better person in general, or just trying to be better to you, even very evil people often love their children… most evil people who treat their children the way she treated you probably do not love their children but some of them might."

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"It doesn't really matter very much," says Lilia, "whether my mother loves me. It matters a lot whether she is going to keep trying to - help me - but I think if she was going to stop me she'd have stopped me before I did this."

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"I cannot figure out why she would do this if she was not trying to help you or would not keep trying to help you, but I have never been able to guess her plans before they unfolded. Unless you count dominating Lastwall's government in Vellumis, where I may have guessed wrong and the actual plan was to provoke me into helping her fake her death."

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"I think that is what she was trying there," agrees Lilia. "Her plans have usually made perfect sense to me. She wanted me to join the Chelish intelligence service so I could betray it to whoever was going to take Cheliax from Hell. Her, if she was positioned to do it, but someone else, if she wasn't. And that worked. And now she says she wants me to - be a friend -  and so she undid the mind control."

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"She tells you more of her plans than she tells me." he agrees.

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"I don't know her to have any evil plans right now," she says, after a moment. "She counseled me to - keep my head down and not annoy the paladins. ...I like working for the Reclamation government. I do not think that the mind control was very important to my desire for Cheliax to not fall apart. I was hoping that once I - was internally committed to ignoring my mother if she ordered me to do things that were wrong - I could get the atonement to go through. I tried intending this already but it is a fairly specific kind of intention."

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"I would be happy to take you back to Heaven to try again. It would have to be in Heaven because you are very good at what you do."

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"Yes. I can change my aura however I want -" Chaotic Good, though Alex probably can't appreciate it. Maybe he can appreciate this as-far-as-she-knows-unique talent of hers if she flickers Evil at him. "...I haven't been abusing that. And it wouldn't work on forbiddances though I could probably get it to if I'd been trying, which I haven't. I haven't been trying to get things past you - I have been trying to do a good job." ...she needs to not displace her desperate need for approval onto Alex, that's not romantic at all. "And negotiating with my mother about this proposal of hers where we are friends."

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"And trying to convince me you had a lovely childhood. I never asked if you were telling deceptive partial-truths during our Aktun chats. It didn't seem - fair. It was your story to tell the way you wanted to."

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Oh. He's really very easy to underestimate, isn't he, especially if mercy is not among the motivations you're in the habit of recognizing. She should apologize for misleading him. She doesn't want to.

 

"I wanted to have chosen my life. It was a pretty good life. It seems to me like it would be perfectly satisfactory, to have chosen it."

 

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"I would be very impressed by someone who chose that life. I am still very impressed by you but - I wish you had gotten to choose it."

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"That would have been nice. Though then maybe I wouldn't have, and we'd have lost. I don't actually wish that had happened."

 

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"I can't find myself wishing that either. But that doesn't mean I don't wish we had won - cleaner. Same as all the dead soldiers, and the dead in Corentyn."

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"You care about everybody. It's very endearing. Very disconcerting, at first."

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"I imagine it's easier when you're raised into it and… it would not have been strategic to raise you to care about everybody. Even if I'd had the skills and connections to do what you did it would have broken me." Also Myrabelle is Evil and does not, herself, care about everybody. "Also I don't think even absent strategic concerns your mother would have valued that."

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Lilia feels defensive of her mother, again. It seems she feels defensive of her mother exactly as much as before but is now uncomfortably aware that it's unreasonable of her. "I thought she would be disappointed in me for deciding to be Lawful Good. Or - feel disconnected from me, feel like I was becoming something she didn't like. She didn't really do that. It might just be - I was more Evil than her, by the end of the war, and moving back in her direction. I don't know."

 

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Myrabelle has a complicated history with Lawful Good. He cannot say that. He needs his ten minutes and then he's pretty sure he can say that, in this confidential conversation, but he's not going to without the ten minutes.

…sitting in silence for ten minutes would probably communicate a lot that he's not supposed to communicate without first sitting in silence for ten minutes. That's… a bit of a pickle. "That seems possible. Or - if she wanted you to be free, she might have considered it an encouraging sign that you were becoming Lawful Good, even if - or because - she didn't approve."

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"I did not ask her approval in advance.

…mostly so that, if you asked whether I had, I could truthfully say I hadn't."

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"Mm… I think I'd actually like to take my ten minutes to think. I think this conversation will be easier for me and maybe more helpful for you if I confidently know whether I can say all the things that come to mind as relevant."

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"Of course." Lilia turns her chair away because staring at his face making inferences would be rude. 

(It is a cute face, though.)

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It's not actually a very hard ten minutes of thought. She's said enough in this conversation that it's obvious that Myrabelle is Alfirin is Catherine de Litran… because the conversation is confidential this doesn't free him to act outside of it but he can advise her as if he knows that those three people are the same. He takes the full ten minutes to be sure he's not fooling himself to his own advantage, but he's not.

"Alright. Where were we?"

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"I was complaining about my mother, I think," Lilia says. "Halfheartedly, because I am glad she did it. But if we are counting up all the casualties of the war I guess it feels reasonable to say that my choosing this did not exactly count and that that was not good for me. Or for her."

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He smiles at her. "Most people who are victims of something horrible do not, within the first day of coming to terms with it, think about how it was harmful for the person who did that to them."

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"Well, I do love her."

 

 

It hurts to say more than it did the last time she said it. It hurts enough to immediately distract her from Alex's smile, which is unfortunate because it was a good smile and she should've savored it longer.

 

"And I - when we had this interaction, this afternoon, in which she removed the spell, I asked her to hurt me like she did when I was a child, so I couldn't revise my memories of it, and that was partially because I - wanted to know - but it was partially because I wanted to hurt her, and it was the best way to hurt her I could think of.

…I understand that hurting people is wrong. I've been trying very hard to avoid it."

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"It's - understandable and a very common impulse to try to hurt someone who has hurt you. Not… usually… by asking them to hurt you more."

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"Nothing else would've been as effective," says Lilia. "At least nothing legal in Cheliax."

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"I am glad that you did not break any laws to get back at your mother, in part because while I would not arrest you for it under these conditions it is always uncomfortable and difficult for me when people have confidentially confessed to me to breaking the law."

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"We are taxing your Law quite a lot," Lilia says. "It has been very valuable to me but I am sorry for making your life more difficult."

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"It has mostly been your mother taxing my Law and in exchange for it I got an archmage in the war. And a wish diamond. I have no complaints...I have few complaints."

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"She's like that sometimes." Lilia is smiling to herself.

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"It must be hard, loving someone and feeling - betrayed, hurt, wronged by them - at the same time. I remember you asked me once, about how I'd feel if a member of my family betrayed me and started working for Asmodean Cheliax and - I knew it would be complicated but I couldn't in fact imagine quite how it would feel."

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"Right now I mostly feel….lucky? That she was on the right side, that she wanted me to be free when the war is done. She could have raised me actually Asmodean. I feel upset about that."

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"I have every reason to believe that she sincerely hates Asmodeus and all His works."

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Lilia nods fervently. "And that is a pretty good reason to have her as an ally but - not my reason. Until an hour ago." And that's being very generous to herself, claiming she has any reasons for anything at all right now.

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"You don't - you don't have to have her as an ally. Even if Iomedae's church still works with her sometimes - and I don't actually know how often we will, she seemed to want to be left alone more than to work together - but even if we do there's no reason any of that has to go through you. You can avoid ever having anything to do with her again, if that's what you want… I know you love her and might not want to cut ties. But it can help to know you've got the option."

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"It is somewhat satisfying to think of never contacting her again. But - mostly because it would hurt her. And I'm really not -" 

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"Not what?"

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He very kindly gave her the right answer to this one not a week ago.

"I'm in politics, I'll never be done hurting people. But I can be done doing things for that reason."

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"It's not a very good reason."

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"I wasn't unhappy. In Asmodean Cheliax."

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"I didn't think you were. You're someone who's changed a lot, with the change of government."

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What a nonjudgmental phrasing. "I won't shatter if you say 'yes, it sure looks like you opportunistically sided with us when we won'."

 

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"Oh, I believe you were on our side, in some sense, all along. But you weren't trying to be a good person until we won."

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"I could probably have hurt people less. I don't think I could've - been paying attention to whether I could hurt people less -"

 

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"Mhm. And now you can and you do? It would be good if everyone could manage such a transformation."

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"I bet for most people in Cheliax there's something that gives them the right - angle - but we don't have time to find it for them all individually. I guess some of them will figure it out and a lot of them will go to Hell. …and some of us will figure it out and go to Hell, of course." Sigh. "I think I am no longer horribly disoriented, for what it's worth. If you want to get back to work."

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"Do you want me to stay?"

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"Yes."

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"Well then I can stay. An afternoon is the least of what I owe you."

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Most men, at that point, you could just lean across the desk and kiss, but unfortunately her instinct is that Alex is too much of a paladiny paladin and would be appalled. 

"Do you have more questions?"

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"Will it upset you if I ask in Aktun whether this was real?" He realizes there's probably no way to ask the question that isn't itself upsetting if the answer would be 'yes'.

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"No, go ahead."

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"I think apart from that the questions on my mind are somewhat action-relevant and so I don't really need answers that might tempt me to take actions."

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"I'm all right with you treating me in accordance with your understanding of me that's from this conversation, whether that means trusting me more or less. I …don't want to give the Church the information it'd need to go after her."

 

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"The thing that would free me to go after her if I had a reason to - I don't, right now - is the information that Iomedae spoke to her during the Miracle. I can treat that as confidential and not the rest of this conversation? It would be pretty difficult for me to treat the whole conversation as open when dealing with something as broad and affecting as many other things as how I relate to you, while also treating it as confidential when dealing with something as - entangled with all that - as your mother."

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"Let me think." She closes her eyes and checks that against her own understanding. "Yes, all right."

 

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"I guess I'll ask my questions, then… Did she set up a way for you to get out of Hell without her, or are you still relying on her for that? …Likewise for being young."

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"I'd require her in both cases."

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"Ah, so when you were trying to convince me to stay on Golarion instead of Heaven, you were asking me to let your mother kill me and bring me back. I can see why you didn't suggest it in those words…I'm not angry." He seems to be joking, maybe, if paladins are allowed to do that.

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She is delighted, but shakes her head. "Actually, no. There's someone else who can do it, if your soul will hang around for a few minutes when you're killed. She's involved for me because I can't be resurrected as easily. …I was asking you to let a different Evil acquaintance of mine kill you and bring you back, which I'm sure is no problem at all."

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"It's less of one. Unless it's Rose who I think may also have a grudge against me." He's still at least half-joking. "...Could she have given you - or someone else - the means to raise you?"

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"I don't think so. She has a compact with the devil who owns my soul; she can demand its return from him. In principle they could renegotiate and give some other party that right also; in practice …Hell is obviously reluctant to enable any such thing, and while it's one thing to let Evil archmages own their daughters' souls I don't expect them to be amenable to letting, say, helpful paladins do it."

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"I would not be very comfortable owning your soul. I would have to think about whether I could, if you asked me to."

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"Does it break the paladin rules, or is it just a little too familiar for this stage of our acquaintance?

That's another one where I don't actually think my mother did anything wrong… I do not expect her to try to use it for leverage. Even if I'm wrong in my judgment that she wouldn't want to, it wouldn't work, and she knows that."

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"Owning a person's soul in that fashion is a lot like owning a person and owning slaves is prohibited… I suspect this is not against any of the rules just because it has not come up. It is also important for paladins to avoid things that - give too strong an appearance of condoning generally things which would be evil in other circumstances, even if they are not in the ones that obtain. Doubly so for prominent ones like myself."

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And they would hardly advertise the situation but paladins don't do anything secretly that they'd be unwilling to have it known they do. "I doubt that it can be renegotiated at all but if it can I'll pick someone who isn't threatening to run off to Heaven in a few decades."

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"Would it necessarily expire on the holder's death? It seems like someone in Heaven holding your soul is not worse for you than someone on the Material."

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"It sounds very complicated and expensive to negotiate being resurrected when one has sold one's soul to Hell and compacted controlling rights over it to Heaven."

 

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"I can see how that might pose some difficulties."

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"I bet I can figure out better immortality in the next century, anyway. I know it is classically considered a very hard problem but I have good advisors, a lot more time than most sixth circle wizards have left, and the world's about to be astoundingly rich….I'm very worried none of us will make it through the next decade but old age in this body doesn't scare me much."

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"Possibly excepting you, I do not know of anyone who has achieved immortality in a way which is not ultimately Evil, and I don't think that's entirely a result of who's trying harder…"

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"Aroden?"

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"Nobody living knows how he did it - or Nex - but neither of them was Good and you would really expect Aroden at least to be Good."

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"Galfrey?" says Lilia, but this time she's mostly teasing him.

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"Is she actually immortal? It's possible to live as long as she has with ordinary magic."

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"I don't actually know what she did but it's not ordinary magic…this is a bit of a digression. I'll look into my options, but my mother knows that if she starts making demands on the grounds she owns my soul I'll just ask you to trap it."

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He nods. "I think that's all the questions I have now. Is there anything you need from me?"

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"To be relentlessly Lawful Good all the time. Fortunately you seem unable to help it."

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"I'm unclear on how in particular that helps with your situation but you're right that I don't know any other way to be."

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"Oh, I just find it cheering. ...I told you already that when we met, during the war, and you worried over whether I was - negotiating carelessly and not in my interests - you were the first person not related to me ever to care about that. The qualifier - wasn't actually necessary. And we were enemies! You had more reason to hate me and mistrust me than almost anyone alive! It was one of the strangest experiences of my life."

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"Well, I did at the time mistrust you more than anyone else alive…and apparently less than I should have.  I am glad we stopped being enemies."

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Lilia looks smug about being a better liar than past Alex anticipated. "Yes. I am too."

 


 

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She goes back to work. There's lots of work, more of it if she's going to be taking some time away soon to go scour the other continents for the remaining Church of Asmodeus. She picks one of the Reclamation's wizards who isn't unusually annoying and starts taking him on evening trips to every barony in Cheliax, one two three four five back to Westcrown, pausing just long enough he can study the place and scribble quick notes on it and sketch it. Half of spycraft is hearing things faster than other people; half of hearing things faster than other people is being able to get places when they are abruptly important to get to, and leaving people wondering if there is anything you won't hear. She doesn't speak to him and he doesn't try to speak to her, this being one of the respects in which he isn't unusually annoying.


She does not feel safe and happy and free. Or maybe she does feel free, maybe this is what freedom is, a miserable unending lurch in your gut, a deep and intimate knowledge of how stupid all your own reasons are for everything you do. If it's so she is rather with Asmodeus, who claims He objected to Ihys giving mortals free will. 

She buys a pampered lapdog from a vendor in Absalom, with silky fur and soft ears and wide, trusting brown eyes. The dog is named Sabandi. She nuzzles Lilia and settles herself comfortably on the hem of Lilia's coat and purrs even though Lilia's pretty sure dogs aren't supposed to purr. Lilia takes her to the Whisperwood. "You're free," she tells her, and watches until a hawk eats her.  

A year ago she'd have done it with a slave, were she in this kind of mood, but she's a good person now. 

 

She still loves her mother. She just no longer likes this fact about herself. She still wants her mother's approval. It just seems, now, like an absurd and contemptible thing to want. She can still see all the careful contours of how she was manipulated, because it wasn't mostly the magic, but instead of appreciating the craftsmanship of the artisan she resents the material for being so yielding. 

Safe and happy and free, her mother said, but she is not safe, because she is a damned woman. Maybe now, maybe a century from now, maybe ten centuries from now, Hell will catch up with her, like it does with everyone. The way to evade that is to throw herself onto the pity of the forces of Good, beg them to lock her soul away in Heaven, give up everything for the likelihood - but only a likelihood - that if she does that she will never wake at all. It is the most she can hope for. She does not want to do it. A week ago, she knew what that said about her - it said that she was her mother's and her mother still had uses for her. What does it say about her now?

 


She does not talk to Alex about personal matters further. Everyone knows that when seducing men you only tell them about hurts they can heal.

 


 

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Lilia has a scheduled teatime, byweekly, with the Duchess Catherine de Litran.

 

She does not contact her mother, in the next two weeks, but she does show up for it, as if nothing particularly of note had happened at their last one. 

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Catherine is there, but doesn't seem to have been expecting her. She blinks in surprise. "Lilia."

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"Am I early?" asks Lilia innocently. She's not early.

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"By - at least a month, relative to my expectations. It's fine, I just -"

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"I could have called ahead. I am being petty and childish because I didn't get to when I was a teenager." She sits down. 

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"I was prepared to come here every two weeks and drink tea alone for… well right now it feels like I'd do it for a century. Probably I would not in fact keep doing it for a century. You'd have had other ways to find me if you wanted to. I don't mind being surprised this way."

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Oh. Lilia doesn't have trouble maintaining her composure because Lilia never has trouble maintaining her composure but something inside her hurts very badly and very suddenly.

 

 

It is contemptible to love her mother but it'd be more contemptible to love her mother and pretend not to; there's never anything gained by disliking yourself so much you don't pursue your goals.

 

…she stands up, again, and opens her arms wordlessly.

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Catherine stands and hugs her. "You…" she trails off. She doesn't know what she meant to say.

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Her mother is warm and strong and clinging to her like she fears Lilia will let go. A year ago Lilia would have sold her soul for this. Twenty five years ago she did. 

 

She does not want to attempt to explain to her mother what it feels like to be the same person you were but without there being any reasons for anything. "It affected less than I expected, really. …the first few hours were rough."

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"I - That surprises me." Rose despises her now. That's not surprising at all. She could maybe have managed her more carefully to avoid it but...

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"I always presumed you didn't care about me at all. In a sense I learned I was wrong about that at the same point as the - distortion got corrected - and thinking you care about me does some of the same thing…

 And it worked. We won. I do not think I would forgive you if it hadn't worked."

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"I wouldn't have easily forgiven myself. You have always cared a lot about - effectiveness -

I wish I'd been better at showing that I loved you. That seems like an unforced mistake."

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"No," says Lilia. "I wouldn't have believed it. I respected that you didn't pretend."

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"Because any other loving mother would not have treated you as I did."

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"Because I don't even know what it means to love someone, if it is compatible with what you did. And because it was an obvious lie to tell, and - unverifiable - believing people secretly possess feelings that don't affect their actions in any way is generally a stupid thing to do -"

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"And you believed it now because I freed you?"

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"I took the possibility seriously since you said that you would rather be my ally. But - yes. You took a significant risk with no obvious strategic benefits, that was quite likely to destroy a lot of things you worked hard on. I know more of your secrets than anyone else alive."

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"Still?"

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"I told Alex some things. Not who you are." Which he obviously already knows but it still would have been significant for Lilia to have non-confidentially told him. "He could probably have gotten more out of me but the man has the killer instincts of one of your rabbits."

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"He wouldn't want to use your grief against your purposes. It doesn't surprise me. You can tell him who I am if you'd rather he hear it from you, it will probably make its way to him soon anyways. Would have already, I think, if Rose weren't angry with the Iomedans for working with me."

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"She knows they did so knowingly?" Lilia should keep in mind that even if Rose almost never surfaces and never does anything that Lilia can notice this doesn't, actually, mean that Rose wasn't trained by their mother. 

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"I don't think anyone who was really paying attention would have thought that Rivad was Clepati, nor that the Reclamation would believe that. She asked me to confirm it, anyways. Before."

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Lilia nods. Feels afraid, though she really shouldn't. She's spent so long caring about nothing more than keeping her mother's secrets. Now - it's not that she doesn't care about protecting her mother. It's that the Church of Asmodeus is in shambles and they're doing nothing to provoke the Church of Iomedae. "Well. They'll find out, we'll outlive them. The only Good person I've run across who had a reasonable reaction to my inexplicable youth was Endel. It seems like a crippling deficiency of the Church, really."

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"We'll outlive the individuals. Mostly. But Iomedae's Church keeps records. And occasionally they summon people from Heaven to consult on history."

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She could just mean 'so we'll have to go in and destroy their records and bind and kill some angels', but Lilia's pretty sure she doesn't mean that.

...also, she realizes, if her mother meant to dispose of Alex in Heaven she'd have to stop her. Luckily her mother isn't in fact proposing that. Her mother...isn't proposing solving this problem at all.

"Your decisions grow more confusing."

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"Do they really? I'm afraid I don't understand what's confusing about them now that wasn't a minute ago."

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"I thought you believed that you could work with them without ending up under their permanent scrutiny. If you think they'll do a good job of chasing you down forever - you're risking even more, and things like 'Alex is a fairly reasonable person' and even 'they couldn't kill you if they wanted to' aren't applicable because someday there'll be an unreasonable person and killing people is getting easier."

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"At the point where I started working with them openly they had already learned many of my secrets. Much of the damage was already done. I thought you knew that."

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It's a reprimand, because Lilia not knowing something Lilia should know obviates Lilia's entire purpose. It stings just as much as it always did. 

"I lost my whole international organization. I know what you told me, what Alex told me, and what a couple of civilians in Vigil who believed me to work for a radio show in Absalom told me. In particular I wasn't sure whether there existed some agreement with them already related to your being in Vigil at the time of the miracle - I know you and Clepati participated in the fighting that morning -"

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"Well. They knew some before the miracle and more after it, though before the miracle I was just openly working with Clepati who only knew as much as Nethys."

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"Is it true of Iomedae that She wouldn't have spoken to you if this wasn't in your interests or is that only for - solicited or individual interventions - I guess She was ready to fight Arazni and this was not in Arazni's interests -"

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"She would not have spoken to me if she thought that would have been contrary to my interests but I don't - she doesn't have perfect knowledge of what my interests are or what the effects of her interventions are. Prophecy is broken. She did ask if I wanted to hear what she had to say before saying it."

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"Is - what She said to you - part of you deciding to do -" Lilia gestures at herself. She figured it out, eventually. It's not that she is desperate for her mother to be Good, but she would like it if her mother were principled. And also her mother has a complicated history with the church of Iomedae and she'd like to pick up more fragments of that so she can eventually piece the whole story together.

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"I…don't know. At the time I took it as a threat and I was determined to ignore it. Even before She said it it was the case that I loved you and regretted - that I hadn't seen another way - 

I don't know whether Her words had an effect. I think if they did the bigger effect was that - the risk was smaller, because of what Her people already knew."

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Lilia is quiet a moment. "Alex wondered - if you are my only way out of Hell."

 

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"Most likely. You know how it works - I could try to see if it's possible to buy you out of your soul contract entirely, if you ask me to. The price would be high, and Evil; I expect Alex wouldn't like it." Neither would Iomedae but really it's none of Her business. It's only Alex' because Lilia cares for him.

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"I don't think you'll try to hold it over me and am not that worked up about going to Hell. I keep trying to find ways to say that which don't make it sound like I'm a brainwashed idiot - obviously the other afterlives are nicer - but I just dislike letting any of them decide all my choices -"

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"I love you. That doesn't sound brainwashed to me. I never tried to make you think - that Hell was okay -"

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"I don't think I ever believed that Hell was all right but I did believe that - actually I don't know that it makes sense to say I believed things for the last few decades. I enjoyed that I could send people to Hell."

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"I think… you couldn't have done what you did if you hated it."

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"Alex said it would've broken him."

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"I am sure it would have. People who are dispositionally inclined to be paladins…"

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"People who are dispositionally inclined to become paladins," says Lilia dreamily.

 

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Catherine is not enough of a hypocrite to disagree. "You're - actually trying at being Lawful Good?"

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"They won. I feel like if I have to play by the rules anyway, and I do, I may as well actually get the benefits of being trusted to play by the rules."

This is true. It's also profoundly incomplete. Lilia isn't even sure how profoundly incomplete, because she decided that she is not going to try to interrogate how Alex ended up entwined with load-bearing bits of her psychology while she's also figuring out her relationship with her mother.

She doesn't owe her mother a full explanation, so she stops there.

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"Well. That will help."

 


 

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Alex doesn't take security when he brings Lilia to Axis. Just the cleric who does the Plane Shift. He doesn't really need more. He's a paladin. She's Evil. It would take him about two seconds to kill her if he was trying to; he could do it faster than she could cast a spell.

She's trying to fix that, though. The part where she's Evil, not the part where he's a paladin, which she sincerely does not want to fix. She thinks initially there was some part of her that would have been fairly delighted by getting the most glorious paladin since Iomedae himself to abandon his Goddess but - only because it would have been difficult, because it's the kind of thing her old social circles would have been very impressed by, and now that she likes Alex she feels fairly contemptuous of that motivation. And also at the time she didn't really understand how a person could be an instrument of Iomedae's annoyingly demanding will and be - more independent, somehow, more whole -

She doesn't want to change Alex. This is inconvenient, since his rules won't let him have her, but probably there's attainable rules-lawyering. She's really good at rules-lawyering.

 

She tells Alex she wants to attempt the Atonement again. Now that she's thinking about it more clearly, it seems very obvious that it didn't go through the first time because she was attempting it in service to the will of her Evil mother. Intending not to do Evil things in your Evil mother's service is part of being a good person, surely, but - of course Iomedae would not certify Lilia as Good when Lilia was someone else's, someone Evil, and when Lilia in fact wanted to be certified as Good so that she could more effectively serve her mother.

That's not why she wants it this time. She wants it this time because - well, dissecting all her own motivations with more candor than she ever intends to show anyone including Alex and ideally including Iomedae Herself, because she's got a very neat little story here, where she secretly worked for the cause of Good during the war and Atoned after it, and she is really quite attached to having a neat little story, even knowing - or maybe precisely because she knows - that people never really do. And because she's doing all of this sometimes-very-frustrating work of being a good person and would like to be acknowledged for it by someone who can distinguish the fake thing from the real thing. The opinions of people she can fool are meaningless. Iomedae can look at her closely - that's what an atonement is, paying a god to take a close look at you - and if there's a way to fake that Lilia doesn't know it. 

(You'd probably want to do something with imbuing your clone with limited intelligence and memories, so they think they're you but aren't. Or at least that's where she'd start if she were trying to fool Iomedae, which she isn't because she's a Good person.)

And she wants it because it's a test, and she loves passing tests, and because it'll make Alex trust her more, and she wants Alex to trust her more. And because she is curious if she will feel less adrift in the world if there is something at her core that she chose to put there.

One might notice that none of those are Good motivations. Lilia reflected on this a while and is willing to gamble that this is fine. Iomedae wants Lilia to be a good person and do the right thing all of the time; Lilia intends to do that; she intends to do it even when it's very hard, and even when it's very annoying, and even when no one including Iomedae will give her credit for it. Her motivations are not particularly inspiring and she is, relatedly, not petitioning the god of virtue. Maybe at some point she'll start caring about people who aren't personally endearing. Maybe she won't. The historical record is deeply unclear on whether Iomedae herself ever did.

"I'm not very sure it'll work. If you'd rather I wait until I'm more sure, I will, though I do not anticipate any specific point in the future where I'll be more sure."

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"It is not so very expensive that we cannot try now, and again later if this time fails and something changes." Though he doesn't expect any changes to Montero's circumstances as dramatic as recent ones to happen again soon.

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That's part of why she is doing it now. There are, she thinks, no more traps that remain unsprung. There aren't very many more shadows. She knows who she is. She expects to spend the next several decades hardening into it, if events let her, but - that's different than having the foundations shift under you.

 "Very well, then. ...I'd risk wasting the resources of some other church, but they're all so unreasonable about what being a good person is."

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"I don't really see you meeting Erastil's standards, and for all I know Torag objects to spymasters on principle." He calls over the Cleric and arranges for the plane shift to Heaven.

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"If I had to try someone else I'd probably try Shizuru, as I bet Her criteria are exploitable, but if I did that then you still wouldn't trust me, as I bet Her criteria are exploitable." Heaven is very pretty. Lilia mostly finds it an irritating place and is fully aware that's only because no atonement can direct her soul here.

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"That sounds correct. Maybe Ragathiel would have you, though, relatedly, we prefer not to spend His budget too freely either." They can do the atonement. He rather hopes it goes through this time.

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Lilia prays. She is not really one for prayer. Aspexia indicated once that in commune Asmodeus had suggested that Lilia was satisfactory, but that wouldn't have been because of her prayer habits. Probably it was because gods mostly see the shadows that mortals cast when the light of a particular concept shines through them, and Lilia was a very good Asmodean. Just not in the service of Asmodeus.

She would like Iomedae to certify that she is Lawful Good, because she understands Lawful Good to be a set of institutions Iomedae built and with which She has conquered the world, and Lilia is glad to see those institutions conquer the world, and would like to work with them, and work for them, and make them better at combating all of the evils in the world. She means to stop Asmodeus's church from taking root elsewhere in Golarion. She means to make the forces of Good competent and strong. She will be better able to achieve these things if Iomedae tells Her church that Lilia is a Good person. She is well aware that to benefit from this designation she has to be a good person all the time, even when it does not immediately serve her or Iomedae, and she intends that. 

She isn't sorry for anything she did during her previous career. But - Iomedae, Herself, chooses every day to allow people to go to Hell - to send them there directly, in some cases, when Her guns are turned on Chelish soldiers, because Her resources are better expended on something else. And She isn't sorry, is She. Because every scrap of attention She could have spent on guilt or grief She spent instead on accomplishing Her spectacular play for Avistan, and that's better, and Lilia wants to do that too. 

All her reasons are selfish. But she isn't selfish, not really, because the selfish thing to do would be to ask Heaven to take her soul, and she knows this, and yet here she is, fully expecting to die at some point in the chaos that is obviously impending as the fertilizer and steel and radio Iomedae unleashed crashes its way across the whole world - Lilia knows, and Iomedae must know, what wars it will enable. Lilia knows, and Iomedae must know, that you'd kill fewer people if you unleashed the Tarrasque. Lilia knows that she will die in those wars, probably, because one of the first things any competent person would try to do is kill her, and eventually it will probably stick.

Lilia is going to go to Hell because she is too stubborn to instead go home while the fates of billions of living people are in her power to alter.

And she wants to be Good. Please?

 

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Yes.