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Cal Chandler // Milliways
16-yr-old Gen Z Cal Chandler 2022; EoR Sherlock Holmes circa 2012
Permalink Mark Unread

embracenow.tumblr.com (8/12/2022)

just talking wild here but like

what if humans beings took care of each other

we did it in like prehistory

what if we did it now



Cal is watching his tumblr app so closely that he doesn’t notice he’s opened a door into Milliways until the app stops refreshing.

“What -“

He looks up, pauses, briefly considers his choices, but.

He’s learned that what’s going on can wait, but Milliways won’t. He drops his phone into his pocket and goes to claim the nearest table.

“Hey, yeah, fried paradoxes with extra plaid sauce, and also bubble tea, raspberry green with tapioca? Thanks."

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Sherlock is also pretty distracted on his way into Milliways, but for entirely different reasons. He notices, he maintains basic situational awareness, but it's not until he's already well past Cal's table that he spins around and double-takes.

That's not—it can't be his Cal, all the... artifacts are wrong. But...

"Excuse me," he says, "do you mind if I ask your name?"

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Hello, hot young RDJ-alike.

(The onceover Cal gives him is not as subtle as he thinks it is.)

Cal grins at him.

"Cal Chandler," he says. "Boston, 2022."

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"Twenty-twenty-two, that explains some things. Sherlock Holmes, Sunnydale, 2012, though I'm actually visiting New York at present. I know a Cal Chandler in my world, and you're very reminiscent."

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That is - that is a lot of information to process, far more than Sherlock realizes.

The blank stare he's getting is no doubt a very familiar one.

Cal finally settles on:

"What."

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"I believe the phrase is, 'fucking Milliways'."

He gestures to Cal's table. "May I sit?"

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"Fucking Milliways," Cal agrees, completing the ritual.

He waves vaguely at the other chair at the table.

"Yeah, sure."

Cal hates that his phone doesn't work here - like, come on, physics-destroying bar at the end of the universe and they can't at least figure out wi-fi? - but he's found that if he sits at a table with one extra chair, he's never alone for long.

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He sits.

"I confess I am having some difficulty restraining myself from asking a lot of intrusive personal questions and telling you a lot of things that you are arguably better off not knowing, if they even apply to your world, which I am not at all sure they do. Perhaps you will be better able to guide this conversation in a productive direction than I."

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"Okay."

The waitrat shows up with Cal's order, which buys him a few seconds to think. He holds up his phone toward the rat, who extends their hand solemnly. Cal taps his phone gently against their palm and a contented electronic chirp comes from - somewhere.

"No internet," he says, in the tones of one who has given a minor injustice a lot of thought, "but they take ApplePay."

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...he blinks. "That's a novel technology from my perspective. Probably difficult to invent ahead of time. Maybe not impossible, depending..."

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Cal nudges the basket of paradoxes toward Sherlock in polite invitation, taking one himself and saying,

"Cool, let's break each others' timelines. It's an app that you hook up to your credit card or whatever you're paying with."

He dunks his paradox in the plaid sauce, swishing it around, which has no effect on the plaid pattern whatsoever.

"So, Sherlock Holmes - wait, you've figured out the whole people who are fictional on your world thing, right?"

Like, sure, Sherlock Holmes probably picked up on that, but better safe than accidentally breaking someone's brain.

Cal may have learned that the hard way. Brooke seemed basically okay when he left, but he really doesn't wanna do that again.

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"The books exist in my world. I have read them. From time to time I drop a quote into ordinary conversation and wait to see if anyone notices. I named myself this. But, yes, I have also met other Sherlocks here without that history. One of them seemed to be from a film that doesn't exist in my world, and he had my face. Is that the sort of thing you mean?"

...he is going to just. Look away from the plaid sauce. If he looks away from the plaid sauce, he may be able to resist becoming entirely consumed by fascination with the nature of its being.

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He named himself - ?

Well, maybe he's trans or something. It's Milliways, there are a lot of possible somethings, but at the end of the day, you gotta respect people's identities. So he doesn't ask, obviously, instead pointing his dripping paradox at Sherlock and saying,

"Exactly. I've seen those movies. I thought for a second you could be a younger one of him, but wrong century and also you're like way too polite."

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"'Those movies', plural? There are sequels? I should remember to take them home and watch them. We could make a whole event of it."

He shakes his head. "I want to be offended on behalf of my... whatever relationship I can be said to have to that Sherlock... but I cannot deny that he is, in fact, very rude."

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"There are two," Cal tells him. "Robert Downey Jr - that's the actor - has been making noise about a third one, but like. We'll see. There isn't exactly a ton of demand, but now that he's done with the MCU, the dude could do absolutely anything and it'd make a billion dollars."

He takes a bite of paradox and hums in satisfaction.

"Have you tried these? Do they taste the same or different to you every time? I can never decide."

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"I am trying not to engage with their existence in an effort to avoid becoming hopelessly distracted, but if you insist. What is the MCU?" he asks, reaching for a paradox.

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Congratulations, Sherlock! You have unlocked Side Quest: Hyperfixation. Cal lights up.

"The Marvel Cinematic Universe! Oh, man, you don't have it? It's this franchise of comic book movies that are all connected, and there are shows now too. RDJ's been there since the beginning, okay, very first movie, Iron Man, 2008, nobody thought anyone was gonna go to a movie about a superhero no one ever heard of, but it blew up 'cause RDJ killed it. Like, he is Tony Stark."

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He takes a second paradox halfway through this paragraph and is earnestly multitasking the verbal information flow with analyzing the elusive flavours of the snack right up until the words 'Tony Stark' come out of Cal's mouth and he spittakes all over the table.

"Excuse me," he coughs. "It's just that," cough, reach for napkin, wipe mouth, gaze sadly at the fried paradox particles he just sprayed all over the immediate environs, "sorry again," cough, cough, wipe mouth, "Tony Stark is... a person. In my world. He is known to the public as my twin but the fact of the matter is that he cloned himself when he was twelve years old and very lonely and I am the result. I must presume that that did not happen in your 'MCU'."

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. . . Cal is glad he hadn't unwrapped the straw for his bubble tea yet.

"He . . . ? Uh, yeah, no, that'd be a pretty wild - anyway, Tony Stark is an engineer, it's Bruce Banner who does the biology shit."

Which may not be the most relevant information to the topic at hand, but Cal is kind of on autopilot while his brain catches up to what the fuck Sherlock just said.

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"Right, okay," he says, reorienting, "tell me everything, if you please. I should also watch all of the films but your summaries will do in the meantime and it sounds as though you are in possession of valuable context which I may not have even if I did watch it all myself."

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"There are twenty-nine movies before you even get to the shows, dude, get a room here so you don't lose the next month of your life. Or I guess you could just watch the ones with Tony, but like, you lose nuance that way."

Cal surveys the table in all its besmirched glory.

"We're gonna need way more snacks."

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"I can obtain a room and snacks and possibly a large number of DVDs and we can retire upstairs to continue this conversation? If that suits you."

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"Yeah, sounds good."

Then, to himself,

"DVDs . . ."

Blu-Ray would be better, right? Probably? What does Cal know about physical media, he streams everything like a normal human being from 2022.

"Yeah, that's probably fine."

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"Is that another future technological advance I hear echoing behind your words? Never mind, first things first. Room, snacks, media."

He gets up and heads for Bar.

"Good afternoon, madam. I would like a room, a large quantity of snacks, and the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe from Cal's world in DVD format. I will happily accept your recommendation sight unseen in the matter of the snacks."

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A key appears, along with a note.

Everything's upstairs. Please be mindful of your timeline, you don't want the TVA's attention.

Cal snorts. "Yeah, if that even applies to your universe cluster." Bar, he appreciates the bit of humor, but this is serious business, okay?

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"What pray tell is the TVA?"

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"It's the, uh," Cal flaps his hand for a few seconds, trying to jog his memory, "Time Variance Authority. Basically they consider the MCU canon to be the Sacred Timeline and go around pruning off timelines that try to branch off of it. Uh, they got overthrown, sort of, that's still playing out, you'll see what I mean, but like in theory they could come after your timeline. I just. Don't know how that really intersects with Milliways or even if your timeline is a direct offshoot of the Sacred Timeline. Like there are tons of timelines out there that really, really aren't, Loki kind of made everything Marvel ever did part of MCU canon, so. I mean you'll probably be fine?"

Probably.

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"Hmm, by this theory would my world already be doomed since, if it is an offshoot of the Sacred Timeline, it is one where Tony cloned himself when he was twelve?"

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"Yeah, that'd be the nexus event for sure," Cal agrees. "But also not necessarily? After the pruning stopped, tons of timelines started branching out and they got left alone. If your world's an offshoot, it could be one of those. The whole second saga is about multiverse stuff, so."

He considers diving into the crossovers in No Way Home, but no - there's a bunch of shit he'll need to explain first. Like so much shit. Just watching all the movies might actually be faster.

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"Well, let's get through the starting point and then see where we stand."

To the room! With the snacks!

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Milliways is polite and doesn't lead them too much of a merry chase trying to find the room. When they do discover it, it's equipped as Bar promised - full cupboard and minifridge, giant flatscreen TV, and a neatly arranged shelf full of DVDs.

Cal makes an immediate beeline for them.

"Aw, no Black Panther, but that's so soon! . . . oh, cool, she put all the shows on DVDs too, that doesn't even exist on my world, they're only streaming."

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"Black Panther? Or should I just wait to be introduced to things in a sensible order?"

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"Oh, yeah, the sequel's coming out in a few months, I kinda hoped she might sneak it in. Ugh, but I'd probably explode keeping it to myself."

Bar, as always, knows what she's doing.

"Yeah, she's got them in the right order here." Which is to say, the order of release, because obviously that's how you should watch them to keep the story coherent, He pulls the Iron Man DVD off the shelf and tosses it to Sherlock, on the grounds that he's more familiar with his ancient technology than Cal is.

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Sherlock is, it so happens, fully competent to operate a DVD player. Behold! The DVD, it plays!

...it's a little weird settling in to watch a vaguely metafictional film with a Cal who is not his Cal. Like eating a fried paradox. There is some elusive quality of the flavour of the situation that is simultaneously familiar and strange.

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It's possible Cal will eventually consider the wisdom of disappearing into the depths of Milliways with someone he's known all of twenty minutes.

Not likely, but possible.

For know, he goes to investigate the minifridge, because guess who forgot his bubble tea downstairs, ugh. Inside, in place of a tiny freezer, is a sleek little compartment. Cal opens it.

"What."

Carefully, he withdraws and holds up with appears to be a steaming fresh mug of tea. "Is - is this yours?"

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"...that is... unexpected. Not that I mind a cup of tea by any means—oh, you forgot your beverage, my apologies for not noticing sooner—"

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"Hot tea. In the fridge." Even the handle of the mug is warm. He passes it over.

"Nah, I forget stuff like that all the time. If i really wanted it I'd go back an - oh!" Cal straightens up, cup of iced raspberry green tea with tapioca beads in hand. The straw is now pushed through the film at the top of the cup. "Nevermind!"

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"Perfect. Shall we?"

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"Yeah!"

There are several options for furniture; Cal chooses the sofa, managing somehow to take up half of it.

"So like I said, this is the first one. It's like kind of a product of its time in some ways? But it's still my favorite. I'm pretty sure. It's definitely my favorite first solo film. Uh, Black Panther is really good too and like way more nuanced, but." He shrugs.

But at the end of the day, T'Challa's parents gave a shit about him, and Tony's didn't, and Cal can only relate to one of those experiences. All those glimpses of Tony's upbringing - Cal felt them in his gut.

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"I am sure we will get there. In the meantime..."

The movie starts with AC/DC, and Sherlock has to repeatedly stifle giggles. He is torn between, on the one hand, fond amusement that Tony no matter the circumstances will always remain fundamentally Tony, and, on the other hand, unease at the way Tony seems to have grown up so... like that... without him. Like, yes, there is the charming tendency to Just Sort Of Say Things, but did he really have to pick those things to Say?

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Cal has seen this movie enough times that much of his attention is on Sherlock.

"This isn't gonna be like, too weird for you, is it?"

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"He's so... so," he says, gesturing helplessly at the screen. "I will be fine. Stranger things have happened. But he is... simultaneously very much Tony and... worse, somehow, in ways that are hard to describe."

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"Yeah? What's your Tony like?"

Cal turns himself a little toward Sherlock.

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"...well, when he says thoughtlessly rude things, he's apologetic afterward, at least if he notices. He... has a good heart. Frequently confused about how to apply it, but a good heart."

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Cal nods earnestly.

"Yeah, yeah, he gets more like that later. He just has to go through some shit first."

Understatement.

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"I suppose it's not hard to imagine what in my world could have prompted him to develop in that direction earlier."

Onward with movie. Wow, Tony sure does go through some shit.

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"I mean. I could probably guess."

Cal grins at Sherlock.

 

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"As I said, it is not h—"

The scene has been changing, from the exploding vehicles to an earlier flashback. Now a familiar face appears on the screen, attached to a familiar voice exhibiting familiar mannerisms.

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Sherlock looks like he is only barely restraining himself from growling like a wild animal.

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. . . Cal looks back and forth between Sherlock and the screen, upon which Obadiah Stane is graciously accepting an award on Tony's behalf.

"So, uh. Not the good guy in your timeline either, huh?"

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"The occasion upon which I am visiting New York is with the intent of verifying whether he, as I have begun to suspect, arranged the death of Tony's parents. In my world, Howard drove off a cliff with Maria in the car; I have not yet conclusively determined, but still do retain the suspicion, that Obadiah arranged for the cliff. Also he enjoys making nasty comments about me while pretending to Tony that he maintains an attitude of wholesome paternal concern. I see the attitude of wholesome paternal concern has remained a theme."

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Cal takes a moment to absorb this, and.

Okay. Shit. He's doing this wrong. He's been thinking of this as a wild Milliways thing and a cool thing to get to share with someone, but it's not - these aren't just movies. Not to Sherlock.

"Fuck," he says. "Alexa, pause."

Absolutely nothing happens. Right. Old technology. Remote control. He finds that and hits the pause button.

"Yeah, um, I don't know how much this impacts your timeline, but if it matters, like if it makes it easier to watch, he didn't kill them in the movies. It was a, uh, Russian Nazi brainwashed assassin, we'll get to that later. He is definitely an asshole, though, and like I can just summarize stuff if you need me to. Some of this is really gonna suck for you to watch."

And Cal will definitely not be mentioning the thing where Jeff Bridges is kind of a silver fox.

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"...a Russian Nazi... never mind. We will get there. I don't suppose you have conclusive evidence either way about whether Obadiah had a hand in the assassin? I suppose it would be unlikely to come up unless they had specifically made a point of exhibiting that he did, in which case you would've led with that."

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"Nah, dude," Cal says, "the Winter Soldier doing it is this whole big plot point later. He's working for this Nazi organization called HYDRA - well, working is . . . anyway, never mind, HYDRA's whole thing is unquestioning loyalty to them and their ultimate goal, and like." He waves toward the television. "That guy isn't loyal to anyone but himself.

"I mean they never say he didn't do it, but they kind of don't have to." Like. Narratively.

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"Fair. All right. We shall see what the future holds."

He unpauses the movie.

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Cal resists the urge to ask Sherlock for updates.

He is gonna keep a closer eye on Sherlock's reactions from here on out, though.

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He is no longer quite so aggressive about it but he still does emanate a faintly murderous vibe whenever Obadiah is onscreen. Especially when he does something characteristically Obadiah-like.

...Tony handing his award to some rando does get a giggle out of him. Oh Tony. You're so... you.

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Cal smiles a bit at that.

"He's my favorite," he says. "There are so many cool char - people in the MCU, but Tony's my favorite."

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"Feel free to say 'characters'. It only puts him on a level playing field with me."

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Cal makes a face. Busted.

"But you're not a character either. You're here, aren't you?"

(Some other Cal on the other side of the Door finds himself thinking good luck with that and has no idea why.)

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"I am a character on purpose! I read about a character in a book and decided to become him! And succeeded better than I knew—I think there is some sort of metacausal fuckery going on with the fact that those films and I both seem to have independently invented the concept of analytical violence."

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"Yeah, I don't know, does Milliways do fanfiction?"

Cal spends most of his social media time on tumblr. It's way easier to hide on than most social media sites.

"But no, like, you're either a character or you're you. Or, like, you're you being a character, and in that case, who are you actually?"

Like we said. tumblr.

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"I am myself and myself is a character, specifically the character of Sherlock Holmes."

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"But like -" No. Wait.

Cal is very good at barrelling into discussions (arguments) thinking he's listening (he isn't), but the entire context of this one - Sherlock, Tony, the MCU, Milliways itself - trips him up before he can get too far. So he stops and thinks.

"So - that's part of your identity? Is knowing you're Sherlock Holmes. Knowing that you like, made him real?"

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"...you could put it like that, yes. I... needed someone to be, and I picked him, and I do believe I have done a fantastic job."

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Cal nods, thoughtful.

"That's cool."

Pause.

"Also, way to set the bar sky high, wow."

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He laughs. "Well, after all, I had to hold my own next to Tony Stark!"

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Cal had previously noted that Sherlock is hot - he has eyes - but. He's cute too.

"I mean I can't think of any other way to do it," he says, echoing Sherlock's laugh.

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"It was a bit of a troubled time but I can't complain about how it has all turned out."

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"That's good," Cal says, genuinely.

Meanwhile: Tony Stark is having a troubled time of his own.

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And what a troubled time it is.

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Cal settles back a bit against the couch, but continues to monitor Sherlock in what he thinks is a subtle manner as Tony discovers the mechanics keeping him alive, endures torture, acts like he's giving them what they want.

Even though he isn't.

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Fascinating. And, yes, very Tony of him.

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The movie plays out - Tony creates Mark Zero, Yinsen dies, Rhodey gets Tony home - and Cal thinks like he never has before about all those things happening to people. People who really exist somewhere.

God, he hopes it happens differently for Sherlock's Tony. For Sherlock, too.

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"...Are there vampires in your world?" he asks, as Tony is being picked up from the desert. "I suppose you might not know. My Cal didn't. We actually became friends partly because I made fun of him for it."

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"I don't think so?" Cal says. "Like I tried looking for all that stuff after Milliways started showing up, but I mostly just found, like, pagans and roleplay and kinky shit. Which doesn't rule it out, but I've been coming here for like a year, I feel like I have an idea of what to look for, you know?"

. . . wait.

"Wait, the MCU doesn't have vampires." Pause. "Yet." Because you never know.

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"More evidence that my world is not simply a variant on your MCU. Mine definitely has vampires. They catch fire when touched by sunlight, so Tony invented an ultraviolet laser and we carry them for self-defense."

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"Cool," Cal says, in response to the UV laser.

This is the part where some people might remember Sherlock mentioning Sunnydale. Cal does not. He was gonna try Buffy, he loves Avengers and secretly loves Age of Ultron, too, but. It's not his thing? And then Joss Whedon turned out to be an asshole, so why bother.

"Yeah, that's like. Pretty sure you're safe from the TVA."

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"Good to know."

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"One less thing to worry about," Cal observes.

Onscreen: Tony has terrible taste in cheeseburgers, makes reporters kneel, and drops a bombshell that Stane can't quite divert.

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"He is so very Tony."

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"I'm kind of dying to meet your Tony."

Which he has been since learning about said Tony's existence, but now he's really thinking about it.

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"Not practical on this go-round given the continent between us, but if we manage to maintain contact for another visit, I'll be sure to facilitate an encounter."

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Cal takes a couple seconds to parse this, then, to himself, "Oh, yeah."

To Sherlock: "I kinda feel like Milliways would be into that."

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"Plausible! We shall see."

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Cal - beams a little.

Meeting literally any version of Tony Stark would be so cool.

Anyway. Movie.

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Anyway, movie! It continues to move. Tony continues to Tony, very much and all the time.

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Cal laughs as hard as "I feel like I'm gonna spontaneously light on fire" as he did the first time.

"A lot of this movie was improvised," he says, "especially with RDJ. He's good at it and they started shooting without a complete script. Jeff Bridges said it was like shooting a 200 million dollar student film. Which, like, For the best."

He's not gonna spoil the ending, but very much for the best.

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"It does seem like he is doing a fantastic job of being Tony."

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"Like I said, dude. Robert Downey Jr is Tony Stark. He was famous before this, but this is his most iconic role. Always will be."

Cal did a dive into RDJ's past work, so he feels pretty confident in saying that.

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"I present for your amusement the mental image of him meeting my Tony."

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"I would bring popcorn for that," Cal decides.

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"Ah, but would you share it?"

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Cal smiles, a little slow and intimate this time.

"Of course I would."

Hands touching in the popcorn bag is an eternal classic.

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Something feels odd about that interaction, but Sherlock is too distracted by watching the movie to pursue it.

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Okay, well.

Cal's not sure that was a no, given the entire reason they're up here, but it wasn't a yes, so he's not gonna push.

The movie is kind of the point, anyway and - shit, Sherlock's not gonna like what's coming up.

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On the screen, Stane reveals that he's been selling Stark weapons on the side.

"...oh, I should have fucking thought," Sherlock says wearily, rubbing his forehead. "Whether or not my meeting with the hillside is conclusive, if I look into that one I don't doubt something will turn up, and then there will be trouble. You know, sometimes I wish I lived in the world where Obadiah Stane was only Tony's father's overbearing, paternalistic, condescending asshole of a best friend. Life would be a lot simpler there."

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Cal has no doubt that Sherlock is right.

"The multiverse is infinite and all, but I still don't think that world exists.

"Are you gonna check?"

Because if he does, his timeline will spin even further away from the MCU, which can only be a good thing for Tony.

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"Yes, of course, I'll call Jarvis as soon as I'm out the door."

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Cal nods.

"Yeah, good idea. The sooner you can get rid of him, the better."

Tony might not become Iron Man, but Sherlock's timeline is different enough that that might not even matter. And if it does, catching Stane this early will save enough lives to maybe make up the difference.

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"My thoughts exactly."

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. . . Cal's never gonna watch this movie the same way again, is he?

Onscreen: Iron Man lands in a small village in a scene some call white saviorism, while others argue the context of Tony protecting those his weapons have harmed matters. Cal is one of the latter.

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Sherlock, quietly murmuring "oh dear," is thinking about neither interpretation. (He is, instead, thinking about how extremely Not Okay this Tony must be.)

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Sherlock may eventually notice that MCU Tony being Not Okay is kind of a running theme.

"He tries to - like, the rest of the Infinity Saga is him trying to fix everything and protect everyone. To make up for it all. It starts here."

Cal has a whole rant on that subject, but he manages to cut himself off. For now.

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"I... can see that. I have higher hopes for my Tony."

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"He's got a better start," Cal says quickly. "This Tony had Rhodey once he hit MIT, but that's not the same as a -"

Clone? Brother figure? What fucking terminology even applies here, Cal has no idea, so.

"As having you."

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"I do like to think I am largely a positive influence in his life."

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Just judging from his reactions so far -

"I think you are."

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"Thank you." He is kind of genuinely touched.

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Cal smiles at him.

"You seem like a good guy," he says. "And having, like, literally one person on his side growing up would have helped Tony, but. It being the right person is even better."

As Cal is realizing right now.

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"I... don't always know how to be the right person, but I do try."

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Cal says musingly,

"I kinda feel like - that's why you're the right person? If that makes sense?"

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"I think I see the logic."