- he's practiced at ducking out from events (it comes up a lot, actually, if he's supposed to be following someone to read their mind or read whoever they're meeting with next.) He exits the conversation with reasonable grace, or at least not-uncharacteristic levels of awkwardness, and follows her. 

When she's most of the way back to Altarrin's suite, :- Are you all right? ...It's Ketar. I. Heard you talking to Dianta: 

Allies. She needs allies. :Oh, hey: she replies, reaching out to squeeze his hand. Contact maybe helps with weak Mindspeakers but that's not why she's doing it. :You're sweet. I don't know why you care about me, I got myself into this mess.:

...That was not what Ketar was expecting but he's really not complaining. He squeezes her hand back. 

:I don't see how any of this is your fault! I just - what's wrong? With you and Altarrin. I...thought he was all right: 

He is! He just, you know, isn't going to fall in love, and I'm not from here, I'm not learning the language that fast, I can't - defend myself against compulsions - I need allies other than him. 

He leans in a little closer to her. :I - think he'd want you to have that. ...Although, um, I - don't actually think you're in the same place as his - other women. You're - keeping his secrets, right, I don't actually need to know, it's fine, just - you're planning something important and I don't think he's going to just drop you: 

Yes, but he doesn't actually want her around. 

Hand-squeeze. :I think it changes what his options are.:  But - not necessarily in her favor, obviously, he'll be less happy to just set her up comfortably with a rival. The reasonable move is in fact probably to put it about that she wants to go live in a farmhouse in the country, unless she makes that inconvenient. 

:...but you're right. He'd want me to be happy. I just ...don't know where I'll be happy.: She cannot ask the sweet boy with a crush on her for a rundown on the Emperor's boys.

He wants to help and it's not at all clear how he can possibly do that and this is terrible. 

:You're getting paid, right, making things for the Emperor? You've...got resources, that are yours, you don't have to - just go wherever Altarrin wants to send you -?:

He frowns. :I guess you still have to worry about keeping to the whole cover story, but I don't actually think anyone is suspicious, and it's been weeks, if you were going to slip up you'd have done it before now. You're...good at this: 

Like the money will mean anything at all if Altarrin decides she's a liability. Which he probably won't. But he could. 

:I'm getting paid. But I don't - I'm not - 

- if you don't have someone protecting you it's not actually good to be valuable, right.:

...He seems to need to consider this for a while. 

:I guess it depends? On - whether you're a kind of valuable that's most useful under a lot of compulsions, or whether you need to be - cooperating: Shrug. :I don't think I have anyone specific protecting me, just, being a Thoughtsenser is...safer, here, there aren't very many of us and we're - hard to use against our will. I don't know how much you're in the same position - your cover story is that you're something less replaceable than a Thoughtsenser and the truth is - even more that - but I guess the Emperor could just compulsion you to make headbands all the time? ...I don't think anyone is going to want you dead, if that's what you're scared of, that would be really really stupid and - I guess a lot of things about the Empire are bad but I don't think we're stupid: 

:No, I get that. And I'm glad. And being compulsioned to make headbands all the time wouldn't be that bad. But - I dunno. I guess maybe I just don't have a picture in my head of what it'd mean to actually be safe. And Altarrin's very nice to me but - it's hard to depend on one person. Who doesn't get attached.:

He shifts his weight. :...Honestly he does seem kind of attached? I guess I - don't know him very well: Though he has possibly been paying kind of a lot of attention to this. :I don't know. I guess it makes sense to - worry that it won't last: 

:What do you mean when you say he seems attached?: It's presumably just that he touches her in public?

:It seems like he's putting a lot of thought into making sure you're safe and - have what you need to work? And - I don't know, he talks to you like you're - as smart as him, like your thoughts on things weigh as much as his. ...I don't really know what I mean by that, actually, just - I don't think he does that with everyone. With almost anyone, really. I guess it might just be that you're from another world, and - know things from that person from dath ilan: Keltham, it's Keltham, but he is absolutely not going to say the name out loud because he's stupidly jealous or something. 

He already knows enough it'd be a mess for Altarrin if anyone reads his mind so there's part of Carissa that wants to tell him smaller, stupider secrets than that, like how pointedly he avoids getting near her once the spies are gone. 

She doesn't, because she's not actually an idiot. :I think he'd like dath ilan.: She doesn't think she means it as a compliment but honestly these days it's hard to know. 

:Well. It is what it is. You're supposed to report that I was joking around about ending up with the Emperor?:

This is incredibly complicated and confusing! 

:I'm not– my compulsions aren't going to make me, if it's not - affecting your loyalty to the Empire. I'm definitely supposed to tell Merda if I'm - worried about you - I don't report to Altarrin directly, he's really busy: And maybe thinks Ketar is a naive child, which honestly seems reasonable coming from him, it sometimes feels like literally everyone including the Emperor is a naive child compared to Altarrin. 

He shifts his weight again. :I am worried about you, just - I don't know if it'd help for me to tell Merda about that conversation. If it wouldn't help you serve the Empire and the Emperor then I shouldn't tell her all of it. I probably do need to tell her...something: 

I want someone to just light me on fire. I don't think I actually know any other ways to feel secure.

I feel like you're all failing to understand the magnitude of what I did, presumably because I very carefully downplayed it and didn't tell you the biggest parts of it. 

I want Altarrin, specifically, to hurt me, so I can stop worrying whether he likes me.

I'm going to turn into a boy and try to seduce the Emperor. 

I keep feeling like I already made the decisive mistake of this lifetime/universe but I don't know what it is. It might be something stupid and Good like helping with the conquests and stuff except I'm fine with the conquests.

:How about you just tell her that the conversation about finding a post-Altarrin plan got me down and she should scout around for a good place to land.:

Nod.

Ketar hesitates. 

:I... Do you want a hug? Or something?: 

She wasn't planning to fuck him because that seems like a dangerous level of complication to add to this situation but as she gives him a hug it additionally occurs to her that he might in fact not even have been hoping for that. 

He had not even been slightly considering that sleeping with Altarrin's current girlfriend might be on the table! He's kind of mentally preparing himself for it never being on the table, since Carissa maybe wants to seduce the Emperor, and whether or not she ends up doing that or succeeds, it feels like she's very definitely out of his league. 

He hugs her, and leaves, and tries to mentally formulate what to tell Merda, who may or may not end up hearing about the contents of Carissa's conversation with Dianta from other sources, if someone happened to be scrying the room at the time. He...should arguably report to Merda right now, but it really doesn't seem like anything awful is going to happen if he puts it off until their next scheduled meeting - if anything, it might be worse for the service of the Empire and the Emperor - and so he's just going to. Wait. 

Altarrin is back that night, very late, and heads straight to his suite. Is Carissa awake? He really hopes Carissa is awake. He's exhausted enough to be swaying slightly on his feet, mostly from doing a truly unreasonable quantity of magic today. But he doesn't actually really feel like sleeping, yet. He is so incredibly frustrated and he wants to complain to someone who will get it. 

Carissa is awake! (She does not spend much time sleeping.) She is working on a hat. She does not startle or hide the hat when Altarrin arrives, because she is not an idiot. 

He raises his eyebrows at the hat, but doesn't ask, just sags down onto the bed. (He's limping slightly, and maybe being careful with one arm, which got a lot more noticeable as soon as the door was shut behind him, like he was trying hard to conceal it outside and isn't bothering now that he's finally somewhere safe.) 

He looks...incredibly glad and relieved to see her, actually? The tension-lines etched into his face relax. 

"Carissa, I hate gods," he says. "And religions. Especially inexplicably stupid and wasteful ones." He rolls his shoulder. Winces. "And poorly built infrastructure! Is also bad!" 

" - do you need healing?" The local healing is far more specific and flexible than hers but hers is faster. 

Tired smile. "I am not badly injured, just sore, but I would not complain." He yawns. "Bridge collapsed. Again. I feel that the gods could at least try harder to be creative." 

Infernal Healing. She touches him as little as possible; no point making him mad. "Why do they even bother, if they can see it won't work?"