"I would have asked her not to come if you'd told me it would be this distressing. What help do you need?"

"It's not distressing, exactly, I just don't know what to do and wasn't expecting her to arrive this soon."

"Are you looking for me to introduce you or keep you out of her way?"

"First thing."

"Iobel sweetheart - and hello to you too, Cricket - and you must be Edarial - I'm assuming I can call you that, considering, correct me if I'm wrong," says Raney, embracing her daughter and looking over her shoulder at Edarial.

"Hello," he says, a bit shy for a king but a crown definitely on his head. "Edarial is fine. It's lovely to meet you."

Raney smiles in a friendly sort of way but does not verbally opine on the loveliness of the meeting. "It's been too long since I've seen my girl, how are you, Iobel? Is Cricket quite recovered?" The hug ends; Raney crouches to give the kitty scritches, about which he is quite enthusiastic.

"We're both okay. And you and Nimmen?"

"Nimmen's well. I've been trying to learn to transcribe music so I can write down those little tunes she makes up. And I'm well too, between school terms at the moment."

Well, Edarial can't think of anything to say. So he's just going to be quiet and let Iobel have her meeting with her mother.

"Aww. Nimmen? Sing?" encourages Iobel.

Nimmen opens her long toothy mouth and sings! It is all wordless "ah" and "ooh", and it's very pretty.

His majesty smiles at that. It's very cute. "That's quite pretty," he says.

Raney translates for Nimmen. Nimmen - sort of smiles, it's hard to tell - and wags her tail in what is probably an affected gesture for communicative purposes than a natural caiman expression of pleasedness. "She's very musical," Raney says.

Iobel scritches Nimmen under the jaw.

Edarial nods, smiling a little. He is not inclined to speaking much, right now. Berathyme uncurls a little around his shoulders to inspect Nimmen. Yup. That is a musical caiman. Huh. You don't see that every day.

"Are you hungry, Mom? There will be lunch presently."

"Oh, I could eat, and Nimmen's always hungry, you know, let's go get lunch."

"Should I ask Zevros to shoo? If not, he's likely to attend, too."

"Is he offended by little reptiles with bad table manners?" inquires Raney, patting Nimmen on the head.

"Not in the slightest."

"I've observed him to exhibit table manners at least as bad, if not as reptilian," confirms Iobel. "Come on." And she leads the way to the dining hall.

"Zevros, this is my mother, Raney, and her familiar Nimmen. Mom, Zevros."

Raney waves. So does Nimmen.

"Wow, you got here fast!"

"I live in town. I only didn't come before because - Iobel had said I shouldn't try it. Actually, she told me it might be a good time to go visit my old school friends in Panhar, which I did, but only for a week, and then I had to be back at work."

".... Pff, okay, I'm sorry, I know that was a serious thing you two were worried about but I'm trying to imagine Edarial having someone assassinated and it's hilariously unlike him."

"The last time I wrote my mother I thought, based on what I will point out was truly excellent evidence, that people close to me were likely to be kidnapped, not necessarily assassinated."

"Poor kitty," sighs Raney, scritching Cricket.

"Yeah, well, that's really not like him either. I mean, you probably should have asked -"

He's interrupted by a hand clamping over his mouth. Edarial's hand, to be specific. "Zev. Not helpful."

"... Mphf," agrees Zevros.

"I'm still a little surprised even though Iobel explained how it could have taken so long to get the facts straight."

"Insufficient communication by all parties, Mom."

"We've spent most of our marriage avoiding or ignoring each other," says Edarial delicately.

"There's - factors beyond the standard. Edarial has to be married to somebody, and whoever that is, is the queen, it's not entirely a personal matter. If there were a better somebody lined up I'd make way. There isn't. And we're working on being able to - cooperate."

His majesty fidgets a little, releasing his brother from talking time-out. "Mind you, if she wanted to get a divorce, I wouldn't force her to stay," he assures.

"I understand," says Raney. "...Do you know yet what the situation is going to be with, how do I put this - grandchildren?"

"No, Mom, we do not yet know that."

Edarial is suddenly and conveniently interested in his plate.

His brother pats his shoulder.

"Because if -"

"No. Mom. We do not yet know that."

The king is just going to be sinking mysteriously into his chair, don't mind him.

"There are," provides Zevros brightly, "alternate methods, anyway. I mean, I am surrounded by spellbinders - there are solutions."

Iobel looks displeasedly at Zevros.

"Not helping," squeaks Edarial.

"Just saying!"

"Oh dear," sighs Raney.

"At some point it will need to be a topic of conversation. It has not yet been, it does not need to be any time very soon, and that's all that needs to be said about it over lunch, thank you Mom."

"... Should I just not talk?" offers Zevros.

"I don't know, can you avoid saying awkward things?"

"Weeeeell..."

"No. No he can't."

"It's not my fault that you find the topic awkward!"

"The question isn't whether you made it that way, it's whether you can predict it before poking it with a stick."

"... Yeah, okay, can't do that one. I will just not talk."

"It was my fault, I brought it up in the first place, I'm sorry. I just - I want to know how you're dealing, Iobel sweetheart."

"I'm safe, I'm emotionally stable, and some of the long-term details are waiting for better moments," says Iobel firmly.

Edarial fidgets some more but has nothing to add to the conversation.

"Sometimes it's like you're hexed, dear," sighs Raney, and she starts serving herself lunch. "Speaking of which how has your research been going?"

"Not hexed, Mom, just - thoughtful. I can walk through walls now. I have another section on my ideal teleport done. Four more, estimated, and then I can start deciding what to prune so I have a usable teleport. I'm stuck again on the immortality hex, I ordered a book on some of the medical stuff that should be here in a few weeks."

Softly, Edarial provides, "I will also give her my spell charts for detecting people through walls. So if she wants she would just be able to leave at any time."

"I'll probably actually want to revise your perception spell. It's good, but it wrecks a lot of detail. And I don't think you're trying to hold me here. I don't think I'd have to charge up one spell to walk out free and clear, all right? I have fully integrated that information."

"Making sure. I uh - actually made it to prevent - er. Peeping," he says, looking embarrassed.

"Wait," says Zevros, breaking his vow of silence. "You made it do silhouettes only so I couldn't perv on people when you cast it on me, didn't you?"

"...That hadn't even occurred to me. That's something, I suppose, but I still think you could let it show faces without making it totally intractable."

...Raney giggles.

"I've been trying to figure that part out but still haven't managed it while still - leaving some basic values of privacy."

"Well, maybe I'll make progress. Probably too complicated to get the spell to actually check whether people are clothed or not, though, the definition of 'clothed' would take up several square feet of chart by itself probably."

"Pretty much. It's annoying, honestly."

"Wait so you could have made a spell to let me see naked people at any time?!"

"Could have," agrees Edarial. "But not going to."

"I'm suddenly glad you didn't get along with your turtle."

Zevros pouts. "I don't even remember what I hated about him, Edarial, what did I hate about him?"

"I believe you hated the nasally way he spoke, the way he stuck to rules without discrimination, constant nagging..."

"Yeah, that sounds like someone I would hate."

Iobel snorts. And pets Cricket, who purrs.

"I guess if you're not going to be a spellbinder that's a good reason," says Raney, running a finger along the spiney top of Nimmen's tail.

"I also remember him whining about how I got a 'cool snake' while he would be stuck with a 'lame turtle,'" informs Edarial.

"I would totally trade my stupid turtle for Berathyme, she's kick-ass!"

Edarial smiles a little, and pets his snake. She nuzzles him.

"Oh, poor turtle," sighs Raney.

"It is sad about the spirit animals that don't - land good places for them," says Iobel. "But there's no obvious thing to do about it."

"Oh, I know, but what if I hadn't liked Nimmen, nobody else would ever get to hear her singing and she wouldn't know what any of her foods taste like and she'd only sleep all the time and couldn't even talk to me anymore at this point, and it would be such a waste."

"Cricket wanted out, but I think mostly because we work so well together; if he'd gotten anybody but me I think he would have preferred to nap forever. But I'm sure there are some familiars that want out - or for that matter that want their sleep - and don't get it. I think about it sometimes but don't have a good systematic solution for it."

"Rather sad," Edarial agrees, "that sentient creatures rely on another so much to get what they want."

"Yes. But the case of spirit animals is particularly difficult because they are so totally incapable of getting help from anyone else."

"Right, so there's not even a way to make a spirit animal relocation program, to fit the right spirit animal with the right one person to rely entirely on. A pity, that."

"I've considered writing a spell to let people trade them, but I don't think I have enough theoretical foundation."

"Plus there's the problem of trading their languages, too. Since we're not even sure how those work, they might not be transferable with the spirit animals."

"Yes, so the first experiment would involve finding a few people in their mid-teens who don't plan to spellbind and don't much want to chat with their spirits. But there are plenty of those."

"Unfortunate in most cases about this subject, but not so much in this particular one."

"I mean, I can also understand people not choosing to add the risk of unmaking when they can just skip it. If they have no head for spells, don't like the animal's company, and don't feel like laying their - self, if not quite their life, on the line to allow another entity that will be unavoidably somewhat dependent. But it would be nice if there were fewer lost opportunities that could have worked out nicely."

"Right," he agrees. "It's not for everyone, just - rather sad, sometimes."

Iobel nods and hugs her cat.

Edarial pets Berathyme, who nuzzles him and then goes back to napping.

"On the bright side," says Zevros, "you two seem to agree with each other on most subjects. So, yay that."

"And I'm sure drawing attention to that won't at all cause it to pop like a soap bubble," sighs Iobel.

"Hey, one of us has to be the bright cheery twin, and it sure as hell isn't Edarial right now. Sometimes I have to take the bright side of the situation and rub it in his face."

"Don't I remember something about you having decided not to speak?"

"Oh, right. Back to doing that. Whoops!"

Iobel glances at Edarial.

Edarial shrugs a little. "Has it all popped like a soap bubble? Is our marriage now doomed?" he deadpans.

"Well, if it has not popped like a soap bubble, that would be a pleasant surprise. I dislike lost progress. In full generality."

"I do not see any lost progress? Am I mistaken?"

"I anticipated it, but it would seem I was too pessimistic."

"Apparently so," says Edarial, with just a faint hint of teasing.

"Ha!"

But Iobel has not been made optimistic enough to say what she's now thinking. She catches Cricket up on the conversation instead.

Cricket listens - then crosses the table to peer at Edarial up close. Judgmentally, because he is Cricket.

Edarial looks at Cricket, then inclines his head and says, "Hello."

"Hello," says Cricket, lashing his tail thoughtfully.

"You will good Iobel. Or else," Cricket pronounces. And then he steps back over to his binder.

Iobel facepalms. "I taught him to say 'or else' when I was eleven and have regretted it since."

Edarial tries very hard not to giggle. "I'm not offended. Yes, I will not mistreat Iobel."

Iobel translates this for Cricket.

"Not not bad Iobel. Good Iobel. Good good good Iobel." Cricket rubs his face on her cheek.

"I will," promises Edarial softly, "do my very best to be good to her, as well."

"Good," pronounces Cricket, and he drapes himself across Iobel's shoulder, purring.

"Cricket has always been one of the most devoted familiars I've ever seen. Mine and I get along splendidly but she has plenty of her own interests. Cricket is all about Iobel."

"I'm very lucky. My nice soft cat."

"That's adorable," pronounces Edarial. "Berathyme isn't devoted, I would say, but she is quite loyal. She likes me."

"That's good. What's she like, anyway? I don't think I've heard her speak a word of Marlese that wasn't Zevros's obvious handiwork."

Edarial snickers. "She's quite quiet. I've taught her some things in Marlese, but she doesn't tend to use them. Zevros's handiwork came up because it's been eventful and she's felt the urge to defend me. I would describe her as incredibly thoughtful, and patient. She sort of withholds opinions on most things and people until long after she's introduced, or after something drastic happens. She took a while to decide that she liked me, but once she did she hasn't wavered in it since."

"I'm leery of asking what she thinks of me."

"No opinion, actually. She will let you know if that changes. Berathyme isn't very subtle."

"I imagine I'd get more information about Zevros's vocabulary if she decides she doesn't care for me, but what if she decides she does?"

"She has yet to decide that she likes anyone but me," snickers Edarial. "But if it happens, you will probably get a snake that wants to cuddle you."

Iobel chuckles.

"Awwww."

"Though if you ask her if she wants to cuddle she'll deny it and say she doesn't like cuddling. She likes warmth. It just so happens that if someone she likes is warm she'll just - curl up on them." He looks at Berathyme. "All the time."

"Well, Nimmen likes warmth too, but she doesn't cuddle, though she'll let me carry her. When she wants to warm up she goes out in the sun or curls up near the fire."

"Berathyme does both of those, too, but - this way she doesn't have to move and can still understand what's going on."

"And Cricket has the fortune of being a mammal, although he does like to nap in patches of sun and he is quite snuggly, which he freely admits."

He's pretty sure it's for similar reasons that Berathyme is constantly around his shoulders. Cricket's kidnapping and Iobel's marriage, and all. He nods.

"Your familiars make up the independent cuddlers squad who have decided to spend absurd amounts of time with their binders," says Zevros.

"Are you going to have meetings? Which is going to be in charge of it?"

"They can't really talk to each other. I'm not sure what the meetings of the independent cuddlers squad could accomplish, considering."

"Lots of cuddling? And independence?"

"I don't think Cricket wants to cuddle with Berathyme."

"Nor Berathyme with Cricket," agrees Edarial.

"Awww. Now my heart's broken."

"Sorry, Zevros. Cricket would let you pet him, if that would help."

"Really? Is it because I taught him curse words?"

"It didn't hurt."

Zevros snickers. "That's me! The guy that teaches familiars long strings of expletives."

"Why does it amuse you so much?"

"Eh, maybe it's growing up with Berathyme being all - 'I am a royal familiar, I don't give a damn about anyone or anything, leave me' and then having her spout out curse words."

"But Cricket doesn't project that attitude much at all."

"Yeah, but it's still fun!"

"Well, he appreciates it, even if I don't especially. He likes to know what what he's saying means and makes me explain it every time he has a new phrase."

Zevros snickers. "Sorry?"

"I'll live."

"If you didn't I think Edarial would make faces at me, and that would be terrible."

"That would assuredly be the worst consequence of my death. Perhaps one day I will complete my immortality hex and you will be spared this awful fate."

"That would be great, thanks. I hate it when he makes faces at me."

"All my work will be justified if you can live a life void of having faces made at you. Hurray."

"I know, right? Keep up the good work, Iobel, the least amount of disappointed Edarial faces, the better."

"I exist to serve."

"Good queen. Fulfill my basic whims on how I'd like my brother to treat me."

"By living forever. I'll be thrilled to comply."

Zevros snorts with laughter. "Sounds like something you'd like to do anyway."

"Well, yes."

"It's been on her to-do list practically her whole life," confides Raney. "I think she's worried she won't get everything else in if she doesn't have literally forever."

"Makes sense. Sounds like there's a lot she wants to get done."

"Teleportation, perfect recall, working memory boost..."

"Oooo," says Edarial.

"Lot of groundwork for that last one, and I'm not sure how I'd test it ethically if I were the least bit uncertain about it, but yeah."

"Yeah. Still useful to have, if it's possible."

"Oh yes. If I actually finish charting workable teleportation, let alone immortality, that's my next project if I don't prove able to load them all up at once."

He nods. "Makes sense. I've thought about a few solutions to give a memory boost, but... Nothing concrete."

"My preliminary idea is layers of working memory. Either a sort of reservoir to drop lost fragments of spell into, or the ability to nest the parts - have the top-level abstract shape of it in normal processing but memorize the other things on other levels."

"Clever! You could also have something to sort what drops lost fragments, points out where they dropped out from, so you don't have to waste processing time figuring out what's what and lose something else while you do it, it just informs you."

"Yeah, something to keep them attached to whatever you've still got that's closest. But I think the layers idea would be better if I could make it work. It'd also have more applications besides learning spells."

"Well, yes, but it's a good idea to have multiple ways to approach a problem in case one goes wrong."

Iobel nods.

"She's a very gifted spellbinder."

Edarial smiles at her.

"Look, you have someone to geek out about magic with!"

"Oh goodness. I occasionally tried to keep up with Iobel talking magic - but I only know simple spells. I spend them on boiling water and dusting the living room as often as not."

"Well, you taught me to read, which is certainly the most important prerequisite."

"Oh, nonsense, you taught yourself to read and I slightly improved your penmanship."

"Edarial's tried to persuade me to talk to him about magic. Ugh."

"That doesn't make much sense. You're no spellbinder."

"I mostly just don't have people to talk to about magic."

"Well, now there's Iobel."

"There is," he agrees.

"I should really translate my wall-walking spell into Marlese."

"And I should give you my notes on the perception spell."

"I may as well loan you my copies of my published spellbooks, too, unless they've already made their way into the library, I hadn't thought to check. The ones I published are mostly just improvements on standards that are already floating around, though."

He nods. "Thank you, I'll look into them."

"I did write a few originals just to make sure I knew how to do it in general, for the big complicated projects. I can fly, for instance. But it's got about five minutes duration for fifteen charging, which was very disappointing."

"That... Does sound kind of disappointing, but it could be useful in certain situations."

"Sure. I'm glad I have it rather than not, but I don't use it for recreational swooping around like I was hoping. I've considered redoing it from scratch and seeing if I get better luck with a different configuration but I've had other priorities."

He nods. "I know the feeling there. I've been trying to work on something that lets food keep for longer periods of time, to help with transporting it to places far away and reduce disease by it spoiling.."

"I have one that freezes water, in, not arbitrary quantities, but potentially large ones. With the right sort of boat you could turn it into an icebox for at least medium-sized journeys, longer if there were waystations with spellbinders between the starting and ending points."

"Useful, but not quite as permanent as I'd like. I can freeze water, too, I'm just trying to get as much food as possible onto a boat without spoiling things - ice takes up a lot of space if you want it to keep for longer."

"Ice floats, but of course then it would melt faster."

"Yes. Maybe there's a way to make it permanent? Spend a hex on some and it'll never melt, or something?"

"...I bet I could hex that up. I'm not sure if the permanent ice would be cold in the same way without a large part of the spell devoted to ensuring it though."

"We can always test it!" says Edarial, brightly. "That one's got no problems with being tested."

"Except for a dayful of spells, but yes. As long as we have a good place to put a permanent ice raft if it turns out to be just sort of like glass."

"Tourist attraction. Make a huge, pretty boat out of it, go on journeys to places."

"Well, I wouldn't want to make the prototype too huge to go in a canal, ideally with room to let a canoe pass by."

"Right, but it could be a good money maker."

"Are we hurting for money, or are there just - thousands of potential applications and more everywhere you look?"

"Second thing! I like charities, especially the smart ones that use their resources well."

Iobel nods emphatically.

He smiles at her.

"... Wow, you guys are a lot a like, I didn't think you were right when you said it, Iobel, but damn!"

"I told you. He sounds like a less self-centered more uptight male version of me, the way you described him."

"Or you are a more self-centered less uptight female version of him," teases Zevros.

"I suppose he is a little older, so perhaps it is that way around."

"Or you could be completely different but came to the same conclusions, I dunno."

"Also possible. They are pretty good conclusions."

"I don't know why more people don't come to them."

"Me either."

"Iobel, not everyone wants to be immortal or thinks about being efficient over every other consideration."

"I can understand not everyone wanting to be immortal, but I don't get just letting people die after living short lives and not trying to fix the inherent problem causing it."

"Oh, I'm all for curing any disease you care to name! But Iobel wants to get rid of old age. And I think - it's the natural cycle of life. Besides, that's how a lot of progress gets made, new generations taking the place of the old ones."

"I will gladly postpone any achievement that can only be made more rapidly on the graveyards of people's lost grandparents."

"To be fair - monarch-hood you only got because our mom died. So technically you're doing that, too."

"I have not yet invented an immortality hex, and at any rate she didn't die of old age, did she? I heard she was sick."

"But we're pretty sure that she got poisoned."

"Do you know who?"

"Couldn't figure it out," says Edarial, softly.

"Not that it matters, she's better off dead, anyway."

"My first thought is Nataliem, but that's only because he's - known to be a bad person and also known to have opinions about the occupation of the throne."

"Yes. That's why I knew about him, I'd suspected... But I have no proof, and I'm not going to throw anyone in jail on a hunch. So." He shrugs.

"Well, he's already there. I wonder if he'd confess if asked."

"Maybe, but then we would have to talk to him."

"I'll do it if you don't care to go back. I don't like him, but he doesn't get under my skin very much."

"Go ahead. I'd rather not have to be in the same room with him ever again."

Iobel writes this down on her to-do list. And explains to Cricket, when he asks.

Edarial will snuggle with Berathyme, because he does not like thinking about the man who just so happens to be his father.

"Er, should I assume all this speculation shouldn't leave this room?"

"That would be much appreciated, thank you."

"All right, I'll do my best. I've been sort of cagey about my-daughter-the-queen as a subject anyway, so probably none of my friends will ask."

Iobel pats her mother's hand.

"I hope you haven't gotten too much trouble for your daughter being the queen?"

"Trouble, no, not really - curiosity some, though. And I had that awful letter in the back of my head -"

"I'm sorry I scared you, Mom."

"Oh sweetheart, it's all right, you were scared too - anyway I didn't think I had better talk about it so I sort of - made a face and said I hadn't been invited to the wedding, and that shut down most everyone."

Wince. "... I'm so sorry that happened."

Raney shrugs a little.

"Dad's not planning to visit," Iobel says, "at least not soon - he lives farther away - but I've explained everything to him, too."

Edarial nods, still looking sad.

"I'm just glad you listened to me when I told you not to tell a hundred people and start a riot. I mean, I guess that would have been one way to find out what was going on sooner, I suppose, but then there would have also likely as not been a riot."

"Well, I thought about it, but - it seemed like you wanted control of the situation."

... Fidget, fidget, look he's guilty again is anyone really surprised?

"Oh, I'm sorry," Raney says to Edarial. "This can't be helping."

"It's entirely fine," he says quietly.

"It turns out if you're the queen you don't have to handle your own wardrobe. Zephrys does a lot of good work for me and she's picked up my tastes really well."

"She is very good at her job," agrees Edarial. He's reminded of when he first saw her at their wedding, and... Yeah, Zephrys is very, very good at her job.

"I don't usually let her work on me for long because it's sort of hard to read while having makeup applied, but I wear whatever she puts out for me."

"Usually? Do you sometimes sit for her?"

"...I got very elaborately decorated for the wedding. And once about a month ago I asked her how much she could get done if I gave her fifteen minutes, and it was nice but not really worth my fifteen minutes."

Edarial thinks that if there is an appropriate time to compliment Iobel on her good looks, now is not it. It will possibly never be it, considering the circumstances of their wedding. He expects that she doesn't feel anything in particular towards him except a business transaction for a smart reason. So, he'll just hold off on making it anything more than it is.

"It's not like I go around hoping to stun people with the exact color of my eyelids, anyway."

Raney giggles. "Oh, I know, dear."

"I feel super masculine just listening to this conversation."

Raney laughs.

"No one is going to attack you with lipstick, Zevros, promise."

"I will parry with eyeliner. Manly eyeliner."

"Now that would be an interesting departure from ordinary swordfighting."

"Fear my appropriately colored for your specific skin tone makeup's wrath!"

Raney laughs again. "Would you have to switch weapons if multiple people attacked you?"

"Yes. Yes I would. There's a reason I stick to actual swordfighting."

"And you are very good at it."

"That too! I like being good at swordfighting!"

"When did you start studying it?"

"Uhhh- Edarial! Edarial help, my memory is terrible, wasn't I like ten?"

"Eight. I remember because you were pouting about me becoming a spellbinder and wanted to guarantee a way for me to not utterly outclass you in every way," deadpans Edarial. "Thus, swordfighting."

"Awww."

"And then I got bored of fighting people twice my size and dragged you into it!"

"I take it you don't much care for swordfighting," Iobel says to Edarial, "but did it anyway?"

"Essentially. Though I would describe it more as being guilt tripped into doing it. Also threatened."

"That's not very nice," she admonishes in Zevros's direction.

"It was brotherly bonding time! He learned to enjoy it!"

"Oh, well, that clearly justifies the means, doesn't it?"

"Yup, definitely. Besides, exercise is good for him. And bruises build character."

"I am skeptical of your reasoning. I think you have ulterior motives to draw these conclusions."

"He knows self defense now! That's my ulterior motive!"

"I'm beginning to be glad I am an only child."

Zevros cackles.

"It took me until just a few months ago to work out a spell that cured my childhood clumsiness. I very much doubt I ever would have grown out of it otherwise. Trying to learn to swordfight before that would probably have gotten me maimed if not killed; I suppose since then it would just annoy me."

"Well if it would have killed him I wouldn't have dragged him into it. But have you actually tried it? You might like it."

"I'm now more or less capable of walking on a smooth surface without tripping. I can even run, which I couldn't safely do before. But by no stretch of the imagination am I actually coordinated."

"Awww. Edarial doesn't spar with me anymore and the guards are all too scared..."

"If you are in the habit of terrifying even sparring partners who ostensibly know how to use swords I am doubly not going to let you try to teach me from scratch."

"Oh, fine. I'll let Edarial do it, then."

"I didn't say I wanted him to teach me either!"

"Awww. Ari, your wife is mean."

"For not wanting to do a thing that you happen to like?"

"Yes! That exactly!"

Iobel snorts.

"Your definition of mean is different than mine."

"Mine is way more valid than yours, though! Because I said so!"

"Your skills at rhetoric are truly unparalleled, Zevros," says Iobel, rolling her eyes.

"Yup. Razor sharp wit. I just inherited all two of the good traits from our parents, Edarial's got nothing. Sucks to be you and married to him."

"Are you saying that I am just devoid of good traits entirely?"

"Yes. Yes you are. Except for the honesty, and the selflessness, and the altruism, and the intellect, and the - you know what, you just got your traits from a magical star-child, congrats. You are half star. It wasn't mom that gave you the hair, that's fucking starlight."

"It seems like this would put paid to the claim that you are in fact twins."

"Nope, I am also half star. Can't you tell? It's in my smile."

Edarial is currently laughing. Quietly, but it's a thing he is doing. This time it sounds like actual laughter, rather than the bitter mockery Iobel's heard before.

"And half-human from the other side, or are you - I don't know, star-ocean hybrids of some kind to explain your eye colors?"

"Half-human on the other side, sorry to disappoint." He winks. "Gotta be royal somehow."

"Of course."

"That's the official story, anyway."

"That you are royal somehow? That you are partially human?"

"That we are royal somehow."

"I had heard that, yes."

"Normally the hair would prove royal blood," says Edarial, motioning to his hair. "But, starlight. Apparently. So."

"Yes, with this alternative explanation the entire lineage is thrown into doubt. Maybe we lost the last true royalty of Marlatia four hundred years ago sometime after the death of King Aynsee."

Edarial nods, sagely. "That's all right. Let's not tell anyone, they would make a fuss."

"And that would be terrible. By all means let us avoid fuss."

"Yeah, they're better off, anyway. Star people are the best!"

"It's the hair. The hair confers special powers."

"Special powers that I don't have, unfortunately! Damn my lack of starlight hair! Damn it!"

"Maybe your star ancestors will take pity on you if you bleach it."

"It's the only way. Unless - Ari! Ari, do you have a spell to turn my hair to starlight?"

Edarial snorts. "Unfortunately, no. Sorry."

"I doubt it would be hard! But it might be permanent."

"Shhh! Don't tell him!"

"Aww, but I am forthcoming and helpful."

"Noooo, you're supposed to say it's impossible!"

"Why?"

"Because the power is all mine, obviously. Bwua. Ha. Ha."

"Oh, I see. Zevros, can't whiten your hair for you, I fear the wrath of your star-haired brother."

"Damnation. Foiled again!"

"I mean, unless you want to promise that upon receiving the blessings of the stars for yourself you will protect me always from him and all other threats."

"No one can protect you from Edarial's disappointed look. I can't do it, it's impossible."

"It must be truly frightful."

"It's like he's staring into your soul and judging!"

"Maybe he and Cricket should have a contest. A judgmental contest."

"But how would anyone ever judge that contest?! It's impossible!"

"It's quite possible to judge judgment! I judge Cricket's judgment all the time. So I might be biased in this contest, but still, it's doable."

"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure it's just impossible. That much judgment, all in one place - the world would implode."

"I think you overestimate the risk."

"I think you underestimate it! You're blind, I say! Blinded by judgment!"

"Only partially! I can still see you as a sillhouette in your hypothetical eyeshine color!"

"That's still pretty blind, you need to get star-child over there to make you a spell that lets you see naked people."

"I do not wish to see everybody naked, thank you."