"I'm ready, yeah. And that's so sweet of you!" ...he has gotten her a present. What does this mean? Are-- are they dating now? What are you meant to do when you are dating? She made a solemn promise to both her father and Mr Xiao not to date till she was out of school (though for different reasons) and here she is breaking it like a week in.

"I did Nie Huaisang's math homework and in exchange he gave me a candy!" He hands it to her. "So even if the vending machine is suspicious you'll get something to eat."

She has a candy! No one's given her candy before! Let alone in a context where candy is super valuable! "Thank you so much!"

"I probably would have done it for free but don't tell him that."

"A man's got to keep some of his secrets."

Walk walk walk to the vending machine. "Is it good? I haven't had one yet."

"It's delicious." Oh no, she's deprived him of candy.

"I've been saving up my vending machine tokens so I can probably get you something minimally dubious. And you can cheat it to kill the microbes."

"You don't have to, I wouldn't want to impose." ...even if this is a date.

"You're doing me a favor, if I don't get to give presents to pretty girls I'm going to become horribly depressed and throw myself in front of a mal."

...well, that's definitely no expectations on her shoulders. "Okay!"

"Oh, don't make that face, si-mei, it's a joke."

"Oh. That's good. --Sorry."

"Between us, si-mei, there's no need for 'thank you' or 'I'm sorry.'"

"But what if I want to say 'thank you'?"

He starts singing something very catchy in English.

He continues to have a very charming singing voice that is very good at making her turn bright red.

"Oh, wait, that joke doesn't work because you don't speak English."

"I speak a bit but-- not enough to follow songs."

"It's 'You're Welcome' from Moana. --We watched a ton of Disney when we were little, to motivate us to learn English."

"That's cute!" She is totally picturing a tiny Wei Wuxian watching Disney now.

"We had a singoff with New York the other day, I don't know if you're close enough to Wen Ning's room to have heard it--"

"Oh, so that's what it was. I heard distant singing, but not what it was."

"Showtunes!"

"Which is much better than a yelling argument."

"Do you know Disney?"

"Not really? My dad didn't disapprove, but he didn't really sit me down in front of it, either."

"Ooh! I should introduce you."

"--that seems hard to do in the Scholomance?"

"Nah, we all know the songs. We can do a performance and then explain the plot that happens in between the songs. Maybe if Nie Huaisang runs out of actual work to do he can draw some illustrations for mana."

"That could be fun--"

"Probably in a couple weeks, everyone has to get ahead on their homework. I'm doing all of Zaizai's because he's not allowed to leave his room because he might get murdered." (They arrive at the vending machine.)

"Is he okay?"

"Bored, mostly." He puts a token into the vending machine. "Uh, do you want... a ten-year-old bag of Doritos?"

"Can Doritos even go off?"

"Probably not?" He hands it to her. "I cheated it and I didn't get anything."

"It's probably safe then." She opens the bag and looks in.

It appears to be Doritos!

Wei Wuxian gets his own package of Cheeze-Its. "Not even stale."

"Lucky!" She eats a Dorito. "It's a bit stale, but the flavour's still good. That's the important part."

"Wanna swap?"

"If you want to, but I am happy with this."

He drops half his Cheez-Its in her hands.

That is. So many cheez-its. A bounty of cheez-its. She would hand over some Doritos as a trade except her hands a full of cheez-its. "Thank you."

"--oh, you don't know anything about magical theory!"

"...no!"

Does she want an INFODUMP about MAGICAL THEORY, the MOST INTERESTING SUBJECT IN THE WORLD

Too bad she's getting it whether she wants it or not.

Wei Wuxian is very good at infodumps. She listens attentively.

They should sit down over here (he sweeps for mals first) and then he can draw diagrams to help explain the concepts to her.

Unfortunately, to get close enough to see the diagrams, they're also close enough that their legs are pressed together and his arm could very easily go around her shoulder.

So this is very educational but also a teensy bit alarming. What is she meant to do? Is she meant to put arms over shoulders? Hopefully not??? She is going to listen and sit very, very still

He casually slings his arm over her shoulder while discussing the theory of mana capacity.

Okay so this is happening.

...arms on shoulders are nice.

Wei Wuxian doesn't seem to find arms on shoulders to be remarkable or interesting in any way, particularly compared to diagrams about magical theory!

"We should really have a magical theory class. I bet that's going to be way more useful than Romance of the Three Kingdoms."

"It does seem a whole lot more practical."

"Why do all the spell classes have to be themed around the liberal arts."

"Maybe it's to motivate the students?" Chu Chu has maybe a skewed view of how teens feel about school work.

"Like, we're never going to learn about military history unless it's the only way to get spells to set mals on fire?"

"I was thinking the other way around, but your way makes more sense."

"I like military history, si-mei, but I have to say I'm much more motivated to learn how to set mals on fire."

"It's definitely more useful in the Scholomance than knowing how to make a phalanx."

"You could make a phalanx during graduation."

"Would that even help much?"

"No idea, we haven't gotten to phalanxes yet."

"You'll have to tell me when you get to them!"

"Aw, you have a pretty smile."

"Thank you?" Aaaaaaaaaa, why does he have to be dangerously charming? She made PROMISES.

"Awww, you're all flustered. I'm going to have to compliment you more so you get used to it."

"If you want to???"

"Si-mei knows so many interesting horrifying facts, and is very good at adjusting to the Scholomance for a mundie, and has an adorable nose, and caught on to magical theory stuff quickly, and would probably be very nice to my pet cockroaches."

...She picks the one thread she is qualified to comment on (and could also say things without dying of embarassment with her face in her hands). "I can't be mean to the cockroaches, that would be unfair."

"Some people think they're gross."

"Whether they're gross or not, you shouldn't be mean to things. --Not that I think they're that gross."

"Zaizai has dung beetles! They're cool too even though they make his room smell like shit."

"I'm surprised the smell came with the beetles."

"It's because he feeds them his own shit. Very efficient."

"That would also work. --And would be pretty efficient. He wouldn't need to save any of his food."

The logistics of raising dung beetles in a closed system: not something she ever thought she'd need to think about.

"And his neighbors don't hate him because we're never going to throw a party in his room!"

"That'd help."

"So si-mei how are your classes going?"

"Not too bad? But my history class is... odd."

"How so?"

"I'm taking a modern Chinese history class, because it would have some useful spells--" Mostly about being subtle and hard to detect and hidden "--and because it would cover some material I already knew. But it definitely expects, mmm, different answers than my old school did."

"Well, yeah, your old school is full of blatant fascist propaganda."

"--We're communist???"

"They're basically the same thing."

(Comparative politics was not a strong point in Wei Ying's education.)

"--No?" (...not exactly a strong point of hers either.)

"They're basically the same because there's some asshole running around telling everyone what to do and you can't tell him to fuck off."

"The government knows what it's doing? And it's a lot better than, like, no government?"

"I bet if you just let people do whatever it'd be fine. Most people are cool."

...She has had a passing acquaintanceship with the concept that enclavers are weird, but she is getting a lot more familiar with the idea. "Is there are reason you think that?"

"I dunno, all the people I've met are cool? There's no government in the Scholomance and it's fine except when people take offense at Zaizai and try to start a war for no reason."

"So, the nice thing about leaders is that they stop things like that happening in the first place?" We shall ignore how effective that was at her old school.

"No, they don't, they just commit genocides themselves. The problem with governments is that they're run by people so you can't go 'we're improving on people by having a government instead.' It's people all the way down."

"But governments create laws and structures, and that helps people be better versions of themselves, and stops teenagers from starting wars at their schools."

"The purpose of laws is breaking them."

"No??? A lot of laws are to stop you from doing harmful or dangerous things!"

"Si-mei, I like doing harmful and dangerous things."

"Hopefully not to other people?"

"Nope! Not to other people! Only to myself! --I am a dangerous yet charming bad boy and you should flee before you are ensorcelled by my wiles."

"That's-- I don't want to say 'okay,' you should avoid hurting yourself, but... not so concerning?"

"Hurting other people is mean, I don't like being mean."

"That's good. I don't entirely get why people do it, anyway?"

"I think mostly because they're scared. And sometimes because they don't know better. Or because they're licking the boots of fascist assholes."

"I think some people... Like it? Or they like it more than they are scared."

"Why would you like it? That's a dumb thing to like."

"I don't really know-- it just seems like some people do."

"I bet they're scared really and they're just hiding it because they're too scared to tell anyone they're scared."

"Maybe..." She doubts it, though.

"Anyway. You were going to tell me about your history class."

"It takes the worst possible interpretation of things, at every opportunity?"

"Like what?" He puts his head on her shoulder.

"It's-- very upset that people get arrested?"

"Well, yeah. The government arrests people for dumb reasons. The old Shanghai enclave got arrested for looking rich."

Is this a thing you should make sympathy noises about? She's guessing it is. "I'm sorry to hear that."

"We're better at mind control magic now."

"--Okay!"

"So your class is bothered by the arbitrary and unjust detentions of the Chinese government?" (Wei Wuxian read that phrase in an article once and was very impressed by it.) 

"I would really prefer not to be mind controlled unless its very necessary, if that is not too much of a bother... They're not unjust."

"Oh, don't worry, Lan Xichen and Meng Yao don't mind control people without their consent unless it's really important."

"That's good." She maybe should have predicted mind control as a possibility here, but...

"What are you learning about now? Tell me! I bet you'll tell me the most interesting facts."

"It's a shame we can't do science classes-- other than lab, I guess. I'm going to run out of facts. Uhh, did you know statistics is a thing?"

"Yeah! I learned a bunch of it already. --I want to learn about modern Chinese history, I don't know anything about modern Chinese history. I think someone called Chiang Kai-shek was involved somehow."

"He was a--" Wei Wuxian is not going to care if she swears, actually. It's kind of thrilling. "--a dick who was more focused on fighting a civil war than the invasion happening at the same time."

"Oh, well, fuck him then."

"Eff him, yeah."

"We're in a horrifying death school and you have a 25% chance of living to see your eighteenth birthday, si-mei, you can say 'fuck.'"

"It still feels wrong. --Fuck." And now there is helpless giggling.

"My terrible influence begins. I am corrupting your innocence, si-mei."

"I'm going to end up cussing like a sailor."

"A noble goal! Sailors are very inventive."

"I feel like the swearing probably isn't why sailors are creative?" --are sailors creative? That is a good question.

"In their swearing, I mean."

"Do they swear creatively? Or do they just have a reputation for it?"

"Well, I don't know. I've never met a sailor."

"Neither have I, so I guess that's just going to remain a mystery?"

"Maybe the library has a book on it. --There was an invasion?"

"Japan invaded? ...you do know that happened, right?"

"They invaded? When?"

"Uh, the 1930s? The exact year depends on how you define some things, I think." How... how did he... not know this already? Is the Shanghai enclave under a rock.

"Oh! Why did they do that?"

"--Because they were Imperialist?"

"Oh. Well, that sucks. --They got better really quickly, didn't they?"

"N-no? --Yes? --I guess?" There is no way she is going to adequately explain World War 2, or the current political situation.

"Because we-- well, mostly Chang'an-- helped Tokyo enclave rebuild after the firebombing and that's why China and Japan get along really well."

This explains some deeply weird dynamics she has noticed. "That's not-- really true outside of the enclaves?"

"That's weird."

"--They invaded and killed a bunch of people? It's not a surprise the countries don't really like each other?"

"Oh, I guess that's true, Tokyo enclave didn't invade Chang'an enclave."

"Do enclaves invade each other?"

"Uh, not really-- I mean, you can fight a war if you really want to? That's what all the magical military history is about? But right now everyone's too busy trying to keep their kids alive."

"But you could fight a war over that."

"I think we're hoping to just build another school."

"Would a new school even help?"

"You know in the Anglosphere most of the indies get slots?"

"They do?"

"Yep. No testing. They just get in if they're good enough there's a chance they might actually make it. --It's worse in developing countries, Masozi had to travel to South Africa to get his slot because the entirety of Malawi doesn't get a single slot."

...oh dear. "Another school would be good "

"Shanghai enclave has been pushing for it if we don't get a fairer allocation of slots."

"With another school, a fairer allocation might not even matter. There could be slots for nearly everyone."

"And we could do easier classes-- or, at least, easier not-graduation-relevant classes-- since we'd know that it wasn't mostly safe from mals. Which the Scholomance's original designers did not."

"Just knowing that there would be mals would help a lot."

"And we can have a better school and not let the Anglos in."

"--I guess we can leave the danger school to the Anglos." It does feel mean though.

"Si-mei you are too nice."

"I mean, its not any of the kids' faults that this school is more dangerous than expected?"

"No, but it's their parents' fault that a bunch of kids I knew growing up are going to die."

"That's true." (With a fairer allocation of slots, that fact that she probably killed two people just by being here wouldn't be the case. But she doesn't know where to put the fault for that.) 

"That's depressing, si-mei, let's talk about magical theory."

"...we should, that's way more fun."