"Hello, si-mei! It's your new best friend," a loud voice says.

"Hi!" She shuffles over as much as she can to make some room for him.

"I brought my shidi Jiang Cheng."

"Hi."

Ah, the one who didn't want Wei Wuxian talking to strangers and disapproved of flies with leg-eyes. "Hello."

"I think the food is racist. Don't you think the food is racist, Jiang Cheng?"

"It's pretty racist," he says, poking suspiciously at a Brussels sprout.

"It's definitely--" she deliberately does not say 'exotic' "--different."

"The fucking Anglos designed this school and filled it with weird-ass Anglo food. I'd kill for congee."

"Stinky tofu."

"Lotus root soup."

"Lotus root soup."

She is very grateful that she is getting food at all, but she is going to take a moment to be nostalgic about her dad's roujimao. "I can see why they made it bland, so everyone could eat it... but it could be spicier."

(There are confused glares from some of at the Chang'an table, about what these Shanghai people are doing here and how did the interloper lure them?)

"See, I knew you were my favorite person, si-mei."

She is getting a good grade in making friends, a thing that is normal to want... "You should come to Xi'An after you graduate. We have the best spicy food."

"We don't talk about after graduation."

Right. Yes. That makes sense as a superstition. And as a predictable faux pas.

What if she just hides under the table? ...no, then she'd spend the next four years as the person who hid under a table in the middle of dinner.

"Right. Sorry."

"I love hot sauce so much. Back home I used to eat everything covered in hot sauce."

"Until it was inedible to everyone else."

"I'm a great cook."

"Everything should have hot sauce on it. And prickly ash."

"The thing is that you're totally right though?"

"The start of an excellent friendship."

"I thought it had already started."

"You're probably better than me at this, you're my second friend that I didn't grow up with."

...He is. a similar number for her. "I'm sure you'd have done pretty well if you had the opportunity."

"Well, I'm definitely making lots of friends now--"

"And almost started a war--"

"Technically that was Lan Xichen's fault."

(A large chunk of the Chang'an table is definitely making faces about this conversation.)

"Hopefully making friends doesn't cause any more near wars?"

"Well, have you offended New York?"

"...I'm not sure who's in New York yet, so hopefully not?"

"Uh, they're white people and they're super rich. Even richer than Shanghai."

"I will do my best to avoid offending the rich white people." She makes no promises about that though.

"Anyway if you do that sounds like Chang'an's problem and not ours."

"We're allies."

"Well, other than that."

"I would really like to avoid causing any wars?"

"Don't worry. Most people go through their whole time in the Scholomance without causing any wars. Zaizai is just ambitious."

"I would assume there'd be a bunch more wars if that was the case. And that someone would have told me."

"Right. Like they say 'don't eat food if no one else has taken food from it' and 'vending machine tokens are good for trading but not really good for eating' and 'wall sits are the best way to earn mana'--"

"I like wall sits."

"You would."

"I'll have to keep the wall sits in mind." She has been generating mana through the tried and true method of being confused about everything, so everything is an effort.

"Do you have an exercise routine for the Scholomance?"

"My exercise routine is trying to get through corridors as fast as I can so I am never there for too long."

"Oh, you want something else to build mana and make you stronger-- I like the seven minute workout because I'm very easily bored--"

"Strength training is good too. Pushups, squats, dips, handstands--"

She knows some of these words! "I will keep that in mind."

After a furious and mostly incomprehensible argument she will receive several pieces of paper with sketches of how to do various exercises and suggested orders in which to do them. Also, very firm instructions about proper warmups because getting an injury in the Scholomance will kill you.

"Thank you so much!" This will definitely come in handy!

"Any time! I love having opinions."

"I'll keep that mind in case I need more opinions."

"Food should be so spicy it's inedible, Madame Yu definitely won't notice if we cheat on our algebra exam, it's a good idea to take Monday morning shop..."

"I didn't say I had good opinions."

"Monday is the one New York took?" She has One (1) New York fact, that she knows from trying to get her classes in something resembling a sane schedule.

"It's incredibly deadly, I don't know what they're thinking."

"...why do the rich white people have a death wish?"

"I don't know but they clearly have one between Monday morning shop and trying to provoke a war."

"--I'm going to give New York a wide berth."

"Probably wise."

"Geopolitics is boring. What kind of music do you like?"

"My music taste isn't that good."

"Nie Huaisang won't shut up about BTS."

"Wei Ying likes Mandopop. And Disney."

"And Lan Zhan exclusively listens to guqin compositions from the Tang dynasty."

"Hey, same music taste!" Well, minus the Disney.

"I guess we'll have to call Lan Zhan over to talk about the guqin compositions."

"I meant the pop. Though I'm sure Tang guqin arrangements are very good?"

"I end up listening to a ton of pop music in different languages to practice them. Latin pop is really good."

"Latin pop?"

"I'd sing some but it would be rude to your enclavemates-- maybe if we head over to a corner?"

"Sure!" Chu Chu: worryingly easy to lure into corners.

He does not do anything ill-advised! He just sings the Latin cover of Adele's Hello. His singing voice is notably good; he's had some vocal training. 

"That's so cool."

"--Uh, Latin is what the ancient Romans spoke, I have no idea what normal people know."

"I have heard of the Romans."

"Someone translated that one into Latin! This one I did myself--" And he launches into a Latin version of Cyndi Chao’s The Most Romantic Thing.

"You've got such a pretty singing voice. And you can translate songs yourself!"

"Well, sure, it's not that hard."

"I couldn't translate something like that."

"Well, how many languages do you speak?"

"Define 'speak.'"

"Uh, can read a book in with plenty of time and a dictionary."

"Just one, then, unless 'plenty of time' is enough time to learn more."

"Right! So of course you can't translate songs. You'll be able to translate them fine once you learn your second language."

"I guess? But it's still pretty cool that you can do it."

"I should translate one for you!" He starts trying to sing:

Looking through the window in those days
Watching outside those years
Never knew how blind I am
Now I'm here twinkling in the stars
Now I'm here suddenly I see
Everything is so clear standing here
I'm where I should go

"Wow that does not scan at all. Needs work."

"But you did that on the fly."

"I like music! And languages!"

"I guess you find biology pretty cool."

"Biology is also super cool!"

"So I've just got to be as good at biology as you are at languages!"

"Why?"

"So I'm not too much less cool than you?"

"Everyone is less cool than me, si-mei, if I was holding out for people cooler than me I'd be lonely forever."

"That's fair."

He sings:

You don’t feel safe, don’t know why
When you walk in the door, you are turning your head
No makeup needed to cover up
It's enough to be like you
Everyone in the room can see
Other people but you, oh
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way you flick your hair makes me at a loss
But when you smile at the ground, it’s not hard to tell
You don't know, oh oh
You don't know you are beautiful

As noted before, song translating is very cool.

... And this is a romance song. Is he flirting? At her? ...is he serious, and should be be doing this in public?

She's smiling and trying not to giggle and turning bright red.

Unfortunately for Chu Chu, this is an extremely rewarding response for Wei Wuxian.

Say, you just don't know how beautiful you are
Baby this is my favorite part
You walk around and don't know anything about it
Like no one will break your heart
Okay baby, look, me, I will help you cover
I want to be your lover, you may be that person
If it’s just tonight, ayyy, we don’t have to worry
We don't worry, we fall in love in a hurry

She is just about avoiding putting her head in her hands in sheer overwhelm.

When I look at you baby
I see a shining star
But when you look in the mirror girl
You don't know who you are
You don't believe in yourself
For everything you do
Look at all the blessings
And what you have
You are beautiful and wonderful
Incredible and vibrant
Like such a spiritual miracle
Disguised angel
The way you love is a metaphor
It excites me
I can stay with you
How beautiful you are

"How do you know so many songs?"

"I have a good memory for music? Anyway, that's only three songs. --Probably we should head back before Jiang Cheng starts worrying that we've descended into the pits of degeneracy."

... She did just get serenaded in a corner there, didn't she. (And she sure is getting some Looks from the Chang'an table. Woops.)

"We probably should."

"Unless you want to descend into the pits of degeneracy, of course, in which case I'm sure something can be arranged."

"...I probably shouldn't."

He starts walking back. "Well, plenty of time to change your mind."

!?!

Wei Wuxian notices none of this.

"Showoff."

"You love me."

"It is impressive."

"Si-mei is just as impressive. Did you know--"

"No, and I don't want to."

That's valid.

"Have you gotten to do a dissection?"

"I got to dissect a bull's eye once."

"Cool! Jiang Cheng and I used to sneak out of the enclave and find roadkill to dissect."

"And dead birds."

"Cool."

(They are getting some Looks now.)

"I have two of the signs that someone is going to be a serial killer!"

"Three."

"Fuck you."

"I mean, getting to learn anatomy is pretty cool."

"It's true, it is."

"... Even if you probably shouldn't use roadkill."

"Why not?"

"Because...you... shouldn't?" It wasn't something she got herself, other than a vague sense it would be disrespectful.

"If someone says I shouldn't do something and they don't have a good reason they're probably just trying to make my life more boring."

"This is the kind of thought process that leads to you breaking both your legs and your arm. Simultaneously."

"Did that happen?"

"He was trying to see how high he could climb up a building."

"The answer, in case you're wondering, is the third floor."

"Are you... Okay? --you would be, or you would be in a cast now."

"It's okay, I heal fast."

"That's... Good..."

"He's like this all the time. It's awful," Jiang Cheng says to Chu Chu with deep fellow-feeling.

"I guess someone has to be adventurous."

"We're in the Scholomance! Being alive is sufficiently adventurous! You don't need additional extra adventure on top!"

"What if you do though."

"I'm sure there are relatively safe adventures. ... And it's not like you can climb onto a roof here."

"You can climb into the maintenance tunnels. It's called Suicide Club, they do the maintenance shifts the regular maintenance track kids don't want to do."

"--I guess someone needs to do that. I hope they get paid enough... Snack tokens..."

"It's all people who like it and want to practice for graduation."

"I guess the practice could be worth it..."

"It's people who want to die."

"...right." She is not going to be point out there are a lot more efficient -- for certain values of efficient -- ways to die in the Scholomance.

"You should come! It'll be fun."

"I'm not sure I'd be that...helpful?"

(There are some people at the table that are very supportive of Chu Chu joining the Suicide Club.)

"Don't worry, the seniors'll teach you everything you need to know."

"If you think it would be worthwhile, I'd be willing." Someone's gotta do that maintenance.

"Why are you so good at talking people into doing things that get them killed?"

"Natural talent."

"I still have scars from that time Mother discovered we skipped English class to go kite flying."

"Is that my fault or Zidian's fault? I think that's Zidian's fault."

"He doesn't mean it," he says to his ring. "You're the best whip anyone could ever ask for."

"You should stay with Jiang Cheng! Everyone else would be unappreciative and ungrateful, like me."

"I do want to help."

"Do you know how to use your vending machine tokens?"

"For trading purposes, or vending purposes?"

"Vending!"

"You go to the vending machine and put it in--?" Is this a trick question? She has a feeling it is a trick question.

"But you know where it is, right?"

"--Mostly."

"I should take you this weekend!"

"If you'd be willing, I'd like to go." She's making a friend! Look, a friend!

"It's a date!"

...She's going on a date now. Woops. Um. Uh. She didn't mean to do that? "--Okay!"