Lan Xichen pushes himself up onto his elbow. He's lying on Meng Yao's bed, with Meng Yao's head resting near his chest. 

"I thought he'd just offended New York, I didn't know they were on the verge of war."

"That's why it's a bad idea. You cut off your ability to change your mind in response to different circumstances."

"--And if I didn't he would have died. He has no resources, he doesn't know anything about the Scholomance-- someone had to explain to him what the vending machine tokens were-- he wouldn't have been able to find anyone to trade with let alone watch his back."

"Yes."

"I didn't want to just let him die."

"We let seventy-five percent of the people in this school die, why is he special."

"It's different if he's standing in front of you. I know most kids get eaten by a mal but I'm not going to-- leave someone to die when I could have saved them-- even so--"

"You and Nie Mingjue."

Lan Xichen doesn't say anything. They both know how Nie Mingjue died, and the wound is open in his heart.

"Seoul says you're thinking with your dick."

"Seoul would."

"...you could just fuck him."

"Then Seoul would definitely think I'm thinking with my dick."

"If they know."

"I'm not going to do that to him."

"There are much worse things people do to be allied to one of the most powerful enclaves in the Scholomance."

"I know."

"There are much worse things people do to stay alive."

"I know."

"It's what I told my sister to do. She's quite pretty, she'd do well. Her mom's an idol."

"I'm not going to do that to you."

"Er-ge, I have never asked anything from you but your love."

"And yet that's not the only thing I'm going to give you."

"Er-ge is generous."

"Nie Huaisang says he doesn't even like kissing. He probably hasn't hit puberty yet-- probably a little bit because he's underfed--"

"And he's beautiful and brilliant and ruthless and he desperately needs for you to take care of him. Er-ge."

"Yes, I am very predictable."

"If you ask he's going to agree whether he wants you or not."

"I know. But I can't just-- not tell him-- he's naive but he's not stupid, he's going to figure it out-- he asked me if I was mad at him, about the clothes-- it seems worse to have it there and not addressed--"

"You don't spend evenings cuddling with everyone in the enclave."

"He asked, a-Yao. I-- he's never had anyone he can rely on in his entire life, I'm the only person who's wanted to save his life and who has had the power to do it-- he needs me."

"Your one weakness."

"Of course he's dependent on me. He's never had an enclave before. From his perspective I'm the one person in the world he can actually trust and I can't just-- abandon him-- that's not even about my feelings, it wouldn't be good for the enclave if he didn't know I was there while he was figuring out how to trust the other freshmen-- if he doesn't trust us it's not going to work at all--"

"And you want to fuck him."

"Yes."

"Seoul's wrong. You're not thinking with your dick, you're thinking with your heart, which is much worse."

"Fine, yes, I'm half in love with him already, what do I do about it?"

"Fuck him."

"No. I-- I saw what that did to my mom, to have your life saved by someone who loves you and whom you don't love back, and the only way you can repay them is giving them the thing you want-- it's not good for people. I'm not going to do it."

"And you're not going to lie to him and you're not going to leave him alone."

"I realize this rules out all my options."

"No, it doesn't."

"Do you think you could?"

"I know you better than anyone, er-ge, if I can't make you fall out of love with someone I'm going to decide we misidentified my affinity and actually it turns out I'm especially good at spells which involve the color blue."

"--Let me think about it."

"All right."

"There's time. I tried to explain it to him the other day and he understood nothing."

"Er-ge, that's a terrible idea."

"If only I had you there to navigate all my delicate social interactions for me, a-Yao."

"It's why you swore brotherhood to me."

"But he's naive enough that I don't think we have to make a decision about it now."

"You know, one of these days, your inability to be cruel to people you're looking in the eye is going to destroy the entire enclave."

"But a-Yao, that's what you're for."