Masozi has in fact spent the first class block NOT in his room, and instead working with Wei Wuxian in the Sinosphere area of the shop. (He got less work done than he’d hoped, and also spent all the mana accumulated over breakfast on finding mals.)

He assumes Lan Xichen is already aware of this, though, and so doesn’t say anything about it when he opens the door. 

“- Oh.” His first thought is that he’s done something wrong again and is in TROUBLE. He tenses up a little. “What is it?”

"I think I come in to check on you and see how you're doing. You maybe get lonely in here? And I am tired of politics and everyone else is on class."

Masozi is blanking on what 'lonely' means even in English, but this is slightly embarrassing so he doesn't say it. 

"- Don't you have to go to a class too?" he says instead. 

"I am junior in Shanghai, I only go to class if I want to. Someone else does my homework for classes I don't want to attend."

- what? That's so confusing. 

"....I thought 'homework' meant - practicing skills that you have to learn to not die...?"

"I am not artificer, math is not useful for me. I have plenty of time to learn calculus when I am graduated."

Masozi was learning calculus just last night! He is kind of upset to discover that this is maybe, apparently, not relevant to his survival! 

"......Should I stop thinking math is interesting, if it's not useful?"

"You are freshman with no idea of your track, you should do all your homework to get sense of what you're suited for. Math is very useful for artificing and alchemy but I am incantations so it is not very useful for me. --Well, you should not do your homework right now, right now learning Mandarin is more important so you can talk with others in enclave."

But math is objectively so incredibly interesting  ....Right. Different people are good at different things.

Masozi feels like there should be a word for that? It would be such a useful word! 

- maybe there IS a word for it and he just doesn't know it yet. And should ask Lan Xichen. 

"Is there a word - in English or Mandarin - for...how some people are more suited to one thing and other people are more suited to other things...?"

"...Talent?"

Masozi repeats the English word. 

"...And how do you say it in Mandarin?" 

He says "talent" in Mandarin.

Masozi repeats it after him, very carefully. 

Okay he - shouldn't say things to Lan Xichen about math because apparently Lan Xichen doesn't want to learn any math or something? 

"....Do you want me to say all the Mandarin things I know?" 

"If you like. Or you can tell me about the math books Wei Wuxian brought you."

This is so confusing!!! 

- Okay. Fine. He - can do his best to tell Lan Xichen about the math books? And ALSO try to do it in Mandarin? 

....It turns out that he is missing so much Mandarin math vocabulary, even when he tries to look it up in his notebook. 

Lan Xichen can help. 

Also, has Masozi realized that he is incredibly cute when he is excited.

Masozi is, in fact, oblivious to this fact! 

...He does sort of want to lean against Lan Xichen's shoulder, if Lan Xichen ends up sitting next to him on his bed and seems willing to let him do this. 

Lan Xichen is very excited about leaning! And also figures that Masozi is probably too oblivious to social dynamics to lean on his shoulder as an elaborate plot to seduce his way into Shanghai enclave. 

He puts his arm around Masozi's shoulder.

Oh, huh, that's - really nice, actually? 

Masozi is confused about why it's this level of nice, but it seems probably not important, so he keeps snuggling up against Lan Xichen and trying to explain grid-based logic puzzles in his incredibly limited Mandarin vocabulary. 

Lan Xichen is not at all confused about why this is this level of nice but instead of doing anything he's going to go home and have his sworn brother mercilessly mock him about it. 

Eventually he says, "I bring you book."

"- A book?" Masozi's entire face lights up. "What sort of book?" 

"My mother reads it to me when I am small." He takes out a copy of the Velveteen Rabbit in Mandarin. "I think it's easier for you to follow because it's for children and has pictures? --It is good use of weight allowance for special thing because I share it with Wangji."

Masozi is not even slightly questioning Lan Xichen's choices around weight allowance! 

He can try to read the book? He's probably going to be very bad at it, though, Mandarin writing turns out to be incredibly hard.

"Do you want me to read it to you?"

"...Okay. Can you say it in Mandarin and also in English each time?"

Masozi snuggles up closer against Lan Xichen so he can listen. 

Lan Xichen has been trained in reading poetry with good enunciation and depth of expression, and so his voice when he reads is very beautiful.

"There was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid. He was fat and bunchy, as a rabbit should be; his coat was spotted brown and white, he had real thread whiskers, and his ears were lined with pink sateen. On Christmas morning, when he sat wedged in the top of the Boy's stocking, with a sprig of holly between his paws, the effect was charming.

"There were other things in the stocking, nuts and oranges and a toy engine, and chocolate almonds and a clockwork mouse, but the Rabbit was quite the best of all. For at least two hours the Boy loved him, and then Aunts and Uncles came to dinner, and there was a great rustling of tissue paper and unwrapping of parcels, and in the excitement of looking at all the new presents the Velveteen Rabbit was forgotten.

"For a long time he lived in the toy cupboard or on the nursery floor, and no one thought very much about him. He was naturally shy, and being only made of velveteen, some of the more expensive toys quite snubbed him. The mechanical toys were very superior, and looked down upon every one else; they were full of modern ideas, and pretended they were real. The model boat, who had lived through two seasons and lost most of his paint, caught the tone from them and never missed an opportunity of referring to his rigging in technical terms. The Rabbit could not claim to be a model of anything, for he didn't know that real rabbits existed; he thought they were all stuffed with sawdust like himself, and he understood that sawdust was quite out-of-date and should never be mentioned in modern circles. Even Timothy, the jointed wooden lion, who was made by the disabled soldiers, and should have had broader views, put on airs and pretended he was connected with Government. Between them all the poor little Rabbit was made to feel himself very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him at all was the Skin Horse."

Masozi has no idea what 'velveteen' means, and has also never heard of the concept of Christmas. This means that he spends the first several sentences of the story being VERY CONFUSED and - pretty sure that the rabbit is going to end up being drained by a maleficer? 

....Okay wait what. Why are they talking about nuts and oranges? - why would anyone make a toy engine what does that even MEAN? 

- he knows the words in English for 'aunts' and 'uncles' but he's never had any. Because they were dead before he could ever meet them. 

....okay wait what he thought the rabbit was actually just a toy? Why is the story talking about it like the rabbit is alive???

(It's fine. Everything is fine. The entire world is very confusing but he just needs to snuggle up closer against Lan Xichen and - maybe hold his hand? If that's not getting in the way of reading the book?) 

- huh is this some kind of weird metaphor about artificing being better than alchemy as a track? 

Masozi is pretty sure that he's seen sawdust exist right in front of him, before? He doesn't really follow what 'out of date' means. This story is incredibly confusing! 

(And surprisingly emotional, despite that. He finds himself squeezing Lan Xichen's hand tightly.) 

Okay wait, what. 

"- Sorry what's a 'Skin Horse?'"

Eeeeeeeee handholding. (Romantic thoughts go into the box and he can talk about them with Meng Yao later.)

"It's toy horse made of animal skin instead of cloth."

"Oh. Right." 

This is still pretty confusing but Masozi will go along with hearing the rest of the story! He's invested in it now!

"The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt.""

....This continues to be very confusing! In a surprisingly emotionally intense way! 

Masozi - isn't sure whether he agrees or disagrees with the rabbit main character of the story? It seems like some kinds of hurting are - important and he wouldn't want to shut them away - but he's still really confused about the 'being loved and then being real' kind of hurt??? 

Instead of saying any words he is apparently going to cling to Lan Xichen about it.

It is quite satisfying to have Masozi cling to him while he reads him a story.

""Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

"I suppose you are real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled.

"The Boy's Uncle made me Real," he said. "That was a great many years ago; but once you are Real you can't become unreal again. It lasts for always."

The Rabbit sighed. He thought it would be a long time before this magic called Real happened to him. He longed to become Real, to know what it felt like; and yet the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad. He wished that he could become it without these uncomfortable things happening to him."

Masozi was trying very hard to process any of that! But mostly it's pointing him toward emotions that...are not helpful right now...

- maybe snuggling up even closer to Lan Xichen will help him accomplish his goals? 

He snuggles. 

"There was a person called Nana who ruled the nursery. Sometimes she took no notice of the playthings lying about, and sometimes, for no reason whatever, she went swooping about like a great wind and hustled them away in cupboards. She called this "tidying up," and the playthings all hated it, especially the tin ones. The Rabbit didn't mind it so much, for wherever he was thrown he came down soft.

One evening, when the Boy was going to bed, he couldn't find the china dog that always slept with him. Nana was in a hurry, and it was too much trouble to hunt for china dogs at bedtime, so she simply looked about her, and seeing that the toy cupboard door stood open, she made a swoop.

"Here," she said, "take your old Bunny! He'll do to sleep with you!" And she dragged the Rabbit out by one ear, and put him into the Boy's arms.

That night, and for many nights after, the Velveteen Rabbit slept in the Boy's bed. At first he found it rather uncomfortable, for the Boy hugged him very tight, and sometimes he rolled over on him, and sometimes he pushed him so far under the pillow that the Rabbit could scarcely breathe. And he missed, too, those long moonlight hours in the nursery, when all the house was silent, and his talks with the Skin Horse. But very soon he grew to like it, for the Boy used to talk to him, and made nice tunnels for him under the bedclothes that he said were like the burrows the real rabbits lived in. And they had splendid games together, in whispers, when Nana had gone away to her supper and left the night-light burning on the mantelpiece. And when the Boy dropped off to sleep, the Rabbit would snuggle down close under his little warm chin and dream, with the Boy's hands clasped close round him all night long.

And so time went on, and the little Rabbit was very happy–so happy that he never noticed how his beautiful velveteen fur was getting shabbier and shabbier, and his tail becoming unsewn, and all the pink rubbed off his nose where the Boy had kissed him."

This story keeps containing a really surprising density of FEELINGS! It's weirdly disorienting. Masozi didn't know it was possible for a story to be this disorienting. 

It makes him think of when he would fall asleep next to his older sister, the one who smiled like Yanli does. Back when she was still alive, and he was very small, and they all slept piled together on a mat woven of reeds, in the hut that his father built by the lake. He remembers how she would hold him, and sometimes whisper stories to him, when he woke up in the night and couldn't go back to sleep. 

He wonders what she would think of this story. And what his baby sister would think. Whether he'll survive this place and graduate and be able to go back to Malawi and tell her. But his older sister, he'll never know. She died long before he had the power to do anything about it. 

...Apparently he's going to be crying now? 

Lan Xichen cradles Masozi closer. "Do you want to stop?"

"No. S'okay." Masozi shivers. "...Maybe stop for a bit." He apparently needs a moment to try to calm down. "But I - want to know what happens next in the story."

"My mother reads book to me when I am small," he says quietly. "When I visit."

"When you...visit?" Masozi asks blankly. He doesn't follow what Lan Xichen means by that. 

It's not like everyone in Shanghai doesn't know--

"My mother is maleficer."

Oh. 

There's...clearly a lot of context there which Masozi doesn't know. He thought maleficers went crazy and then died? And even if not that they would get murdered by the non-maleficers, if they were with an enclave? It seems like it might be upsetting to say that to Lan Xichen, though. 

"...What happened?" he says instead, very quietly. 

"She is-- bad kind. Not kind that sticks to animals, even outside of Scholomance. My father falls in love with her before this is known. She turns him down." He sighs. "They discover she kills people and they track her down to kill her. Before they can kill her, my father helps her escape."

"- Escape where?" Also. Why would someone do that. "Were you born yet, then?" 

"No. It's before I am born. They aren't… together… at this time. --They escape to Beijing but they're caught. My uncle pleads for my father's life and my father says his life is not worth living without my mother, so the Dominus-- who is, you understand, very good at these things-- builds a prison for them. Where they can't use magic and can't escape but they live together." 

"Oh. That - was kind of him?" Maybe. Sort of? He's not sure it sounds like a kindness, to be locked up forever in a place where you can't use magic. "...I didn't know you could do that. Make people not be able to do spells. How?" 

"It's-- very complicated magical theory. I'm not sure I understand it myself." He sighs. "I visit my mother once a month. She dies when I'm ten. I-- don't think she ever wants to be with my father."

"...That sounds so awful for her." For both of them, really. For Lan Xichen too. Masozi takes Lan Xichen's hand again, squeezes it; it feels like needs to offer some kind of comfort, even if he has no idea what words would be comforting to say. "You...were born there and then they took you away?" 

"Yes. My uncle raises me. He is-- good man. He teaches me rules to follow so I don't grow up like my mother." Like my father.

"Mmm. ...Did your father die too? Or is he - still there, by himself...?" 

"He dies last year, Wangji tells me. I do the rites when I graduate."

"Oh." 

Masozi is out of words to say so he just snuggles up closer to Lan Xichen and holds his hand. 

And suddenly without realizing he was about to Lan Xichen is crying onto Masozi.

Aaaaah oh no did he say the completely wrong thing and hurt Lan Xichen's feelings??? 

"I'm so sorry," he murmurs, and - what did his sister used to do to comfort him, what does he remember Lan Xichen doing when he was upset after the truth potion wore off - he can stroke Lan Xichen's hair and hold him and...sing, maybe, very quietly? He's not nearly as good at singing but hopefully it's still a bit comforting? 

"Thank you. I-- I don't talk about it much-- everyone knows--"

If he were Lan Xichen he wouldn't want to talk about it either. "That makes sense. I - I'm glad you told me. That you...trust me enough..." 

"Well," he says, "you too--"

...He's too what? Or does Lan Xichen just mean that now he knows too, like everyone else? Masozi didn't follow that. 

That's probably fine though. He doesn't need to ask, or understand everything right now, he can just keep trying to be comforting. It's...nice, touching Lan Xichen. Surprisingly so. He has hair, unlike any of the freshman, and it feels very soft and silky to touch. Masozi didn't know anyone whose hair had a texture like that, when he was growing up. 

Masozi playing with his hair is… nice. It's nice. He sighs softly.

Is that a happy sigh or an unhappy sigh? Masozi isn't sure how to interpret it. Lan Xichen's face...doesn't look unhappy, so probably it's not bothering him? 

Probably it's a good idea to keep watching Lan Xichen's face closely so he notices if it does start bothering him? Looking at him is also nice. Masozi can't remember ever consciously noticing that about someone's face before. It's kind of confusing, but it's not bad confusing, so he doesn't mind. 

"You don't have a mother anymore either," he says quietly.

"...No. I don't." 

"It's-- good to know someone else who--" And he starts crying again.

"...Yeah. It's - I'm glad as well. To - know you understand it."

Hugs. Hugs and hair-stroking and holding Lan Xichen's hand. Also, having extremely confusing feelings about this situation, but Masozi is going to put off thinking about that until later, right now he wants to be focused on Lan Xichen's feelings. 

"It's horrible," he says. "And poor Wangji-- they keep saying I am too young for my mother to die and I think, but Wangji is younger than me."

"It's horrible!" Masozi agrees. "It's - sometimes I wonder if I'm going to stop being sad someday. But I don't want to stop being sad, because - because it's not all right, when people die..." 

He shakes his head. "It always hurt. Always."

"Yeah." And there's not really anything to say to that, is there.

Masozi keeps hugging Lan Xichen, and - has a weird itchy restless urge to do more things but his brain is being incredibly nonspecific about what things. Maybe he can, in addition to just holding Lan Xichen's hand, sort of lightly touch the back of it in circles, like Lan Xichen did once when he was explaining the stability thing. 

--Lan Xichen is far too miserable to have the reaction to this that he would have in other circumstances. It's just comforting. 

Masozi isn't sure that he's very good at being comforting but he can at least keep just being there and being someone else with dead parents, who understands how much it hurts. 

Eventually he calms down enough to say, "do you want to finish reading?"

"- If you want to? You don't have to if it's upsetting." 

"It's sad to remember her but I don't want to forget."

"....Yeah. I know." 

And they can finish the story. 

"Spring came, and they had long days in the garden, for wherever the Boy went the Rabbit went too. He had rides in the wheelbarrow, and picnics on the grass, and lovely fairy huts built for him under the raspberry canes behind the flower border. And once, when the Boy was called away suddenly to go out to tea, the Rabbit was left out on the lawn until long after dusk, and Nana had to come and look for him with the candle because the Boy couldn't go to sleep unless he was there. He was wet through with the dew and quite earthy from diving into the burrows the Boy had made for him in the flower bed, and Nana grumbled as she rubbed him off with a corner of her apron.

"You must have your old Bunny!" she said. "Fancy all that fuss for a toy!"

The Boy sat up in bed and stretched out his hands.

"Give me my Bunny!" he said. "You mustn't say that. He isn't a toy. He's REAL!"

When the little Rabbit heard that he was happy, for he knew that what the Skin Horse had said was true at last. The nursery magic had happened to him, and he was a toy no longer. He was Real. The Boy himself had said it.

That night he was almost too happy to sleep, and so much love stirred in his little sawdust heart that it almost burst. And into his boot-button eyes, that had long ago lost their polish, there came a look of wisdom and beauty, so that even Nana noticed it next morning when she picked him up, and said, "I declare if that old Bunny hasn't got quite a knowing expression!""

....Okay now the story is just confusing! "Did the boy - cast a spell? Did he mean to?" 

"It's pretend story for children. The magic in it isn't real magic."

"Oh." Masozi frowns. "That's confusing. What happens next?" 

Does Malawi not have fairy stories? It must. Lan Xichen is pretty sure everywhere has fairy stories.

"That was a wonderful Summer!

Near the house where they lived there was a wood, and in the long June evenings the Boy liked to go there after tea to play. He took the Velveteen Rabbit with him, and before he wandered off to pick flowers, or play at brigands among the trees, he always made the Rabbit a little nest somewhere among the bracken, where he would be quite cosy, for he was a kind-hearted little boy and he liked Bunny to be comfortable. One evening, while the Rabbit was lying there alone, watching the ants that ran to and fro between his velvet paws in the grass, he saw two strange beings creep out of the tall bracken near him.

They were rabbits like himself, but quite furry and brand-new. They must have been very well made, for their seams didn't show at all, and they changed shape in a queer way when they moved; one minute they were long and thin and the next minute fat and bunchy, instead of always staying the same like he did. Their feet padded softly on the ground, and they crept quite close to him, twitching their noses, while the Rabbit stared hard to see which side the clockwork stuck out, for he knew that people who jump generally have something to wind them up. But he couldn't see it. They were evidently a new kind of rabbit altogether.

They stared at him, and the little Rabbit stared back. And all the time their noses twitched."

"Oh! Those are normal alive rabbits! Do they know the toy rabbit is real now?" 

"Let's find out.

'They stared at him, and the little Rabbit stared back. And all the time their noses twitched.

"Why don't you get up and play with us?" one of them asked.

"I don't feel like it," said the Rabbit, for he didn't want to explain that he had no clockwork.

"Ho!" said the furry rabbit. "It's as easy as anything," And he gave a big hop sideways and stood on his hind legs.

"I don't believe you can!" he said.

"I can!" said the little Rabbit. "I can jump higher than anything!" He meant when the Boy threw him, but of course he didn't want to say so.

"Can you hop on your hind legs?" asked the furry rabbit.

That was a dreadful question, for the Velveteen Rabbit had no hind legs at all! The back of him was made all in one piece, like a pincushion. He sat still in the bracken, and hoped that the other rabbits wouldn't notice.

"I don't want to!" he said again.

But the wild rabbits have very sharp eyes. And this one stretched out his neck and looked.

"He hasn't got any hind legs!" he called out. "Fancy a rabbit without any hind legs!" And he began to laugh.

"I have!" cried the little Rabbit. "I have got hind legs! I am sitting on them!"

"Then stretch them out and show me, like this!" said the wild rabbit. And he began to whirl round and dance, till the little Rabbit got quite dizzy.

"I don't like dancing," he said. "I'd rather sit still!"'"

Oh no they other rabbits are being MEAN to the toy rabbit! Masozi is apparently invested enough in the toy rabbit as a character that this is stressful! He will try to assuage his stress by snuggling closer against Lan Xichen's shoulder. 

"But all the while he was longing to dance, for a funny new tickly feeling ran through him, and he felt he would give anything in the world to be able to jump about like these rabbits did.

The strange rabbit stopped dancing, and came quite close. He came so close this time that his long whiskers brushed the Velveteen Rabbit's ear, and then he wrinkled his nose suddenly and flattened his ears and jumped backwards.

"He doesn't smell right!" he exclaimed. "He isn't a rabbit at all! He isn't real!"

"I am Real!" said the little Rabbit. "I am Real! The Boy said so!" And he nearly began to cry.

Just then there was a sound of footsteps, and the Boy ran past near them, and with a stamp of feet and a flash of white tails the two strange rabbits disappeared.

"Come back and play with me!" called the little Rabbit. "Oh, do come back! I know I am Real!"

But there was no answer, only the little ants ran to and fro, and the bracken swayed gently where the two strangers had passed. The Velveteen Rabbit was all alone.

"Oh, dear!" he thought. "Why did they run away like that? Why couldn't they stop and talk to me?"

For a long time he lay very still, watching the bracken, and hoping that they would come back. But they never returned, and presently the sun sank lower and the little white moths fluttered out, and the Boy came and carried him home."

This story is very sad! It's hitting closer to home than Masozi would really prefer; it makes him think of New York deciding he wasn't welcome, that even him being in the same class as Orion - which he hadn't done on purpose! - was suspicious and not allowed. 

He blinks away pointless tears, again, but it's not just hurt that he feels. On some level he's angry. The feeling isn't useful to dwell on but it's there. 

"Weeks passed, and the little Rabbit grew very old and shabby, but the Boy loved him just as much. He loved him so hard that he loved all his whiskers off, and the pink lining to his ears turned grey, and his brown spots faded. He even began to lose his shape, and he scarcely looked like a rabbit any more, except to the Boy. To him he was always beautiful, and that was all that the little Rabbit cared about. He didn't mind how he looked to other people, because the nursery magic had made him Real, and when you are Real shabbiness doesn't matter.

And then, one day, the Boy was ill.

His face grew very flushed, and he talked in his sleep, and his little body was so hot that it burned the Rabbit when he held him close. Strange people came and went in the nursery, and a light burned all night and through it all the little Velveteen Rabbit lay there, hidden from sight under the bedclothes, and he never stirred, for he was afraid that if they found him some one might take him away, and he knew that the Boy needed him.

It was a long weary time, for the Boy was too ill to play, and the little Rabbit found it rather dull with nothing to do all day long. But he snuggled down patiently, and looked forward to the time when the Boy should be well again, and they would go out in the garden amongst the flowers and the butterflies and play splendid games in the raspberry thicket like they used to. All sorts of delightful things he planned, and while the Boy lay half asleep he crept up close to the pillow and whispered them in his ear. And presently the fever turned, and the Boy got better. He was able to sit up in bed and look at picture-books, while the little Rabbit cuddled close at his side. And one day, they let him get up and dress."

It's so tense! Masozi was sure the boy character was going to die, just because he can't imagine a person surviving being that badly ill, and he sags with relief when, no, the boy doesn't die and is getting better and it seems like things are going to be okay? 

"It was a bright, sunny morning, and the windows stood wide open. They had carried the Boy out on to the balcony, wrapped in a shawl, and the little Rabbit lay tangled up among the bedclothes, thinking.

The Boy was going to the seaside to-morrow. Everything was arranged, and now it only remained to carry out the doctor's orders. They talked about it all, while the little Rabbit lay under the bedclothes, with just his head peeping out, and listened. The room was to be disinfected, and all the books and toys that the Boy had played with in bed must be burnt.

"Hurrah!" thought the little Rabbit. "To-morrow we shall go to the seaside!" For the boy had often talked of the seaside, and he wanted very much to see the big waves coming in, and the tiny crabs, and the sand castles.

Just then Nana caught sight of him.

"How about his old Bunny?" she asked.

"That?" said the doctor. "Why, it's a mass of scarlet fever germs!–Burn it at once. What? Nonsense! Get him a new one. He mustn't have that any more!"

And so the little Rabbit was put into a sack with the old picture-books and a lot of rubbish, and carried out to the end of the garden behind the fowl-house. That was a fine place to make a bonfire, only the gardener was too busy just then to attend to it. He had the potatoes to dig and the green peas to gather, but next morning he promised to come quite early and burn the whole lot."

Aaaaaaaaaah! This is really distressing to listen to! (Masozi is a kind of shocking level of invested in an imaginary story character who's literally a toy.) 

He can picture it way too vividly, though, the bonfire, consuming the Rabbit - and if the Rabbit was real because of the story-magic, then it would hurt - 

"That night the Boy slept in a different bedroom, and he had a new bunny to sleep with him. It was a splendid bunny, all white plush with real glass eyes, but the Boy was too excited to care very much about it. For to-morrow he was going to the seaside, and that in itself was such a wonderful thing that he could think of nothing else.

And while the Boy was asleep, dreaming of the seaside, the little Rabbit lay among the old picture-books in the corner behind the fowl-house, and he felt very lonely. The sack had been left untied, and so by wriggling a bit he was able to get his head through the opening and look out. He was shivering a little, for he had always been used to sleeping in a proper bed, and by this time his coat had worn so thin and threadbare from hugging that it was no longer any protection to him. Near by he could see the thicket of raspberry canes, growing tall and close like a tropical jungle, in whose shadow he had played with the Boy on bygone mornings. He thought of those long sunlit hours in the garden–how happy they were–and a great sadness came over him. He seemed to see them all pass before him, each more beautiful than the other, the fairy huts in the flower-bed, the quiet evenings in the wood when he lay in the bracken and the little ants ran over his paws; the wonderful day when he first knew that he was Real. He thought of the Skin Horse, so wise and gentle, and all that he had told him. Of what use was it to be loved and lose one's beauty and become Real if it all ended like this? And a tear, a real tear, trickled down his little shabby velvet nose and fell to the ground."

Masozi ALSO has tears trickling down his cheeks! He smushes his face into Lan Xichen's shirt, as though this will somehow make the intense cutting loss of it go away. He's not even sure why it's hitting him this hard– wait, no, he is, it's because yesterday he spent hours thinking he was about to die too. 

"It's okay," he says gently, "the rabbit doesn't die."

"Mmm." Masozi sniffles and does not unhide his face. He feels kind of stupid for being upset, now, except that also finding out the ending is...for some reason not making him feel less sad? 

"Wanna hear the rest," he says thickly, very muffled. 

"And then a strange thing happened. For where the tear had fallen a flower grew out of the ground, a mysterious flower, not at all like any that grew in the garden. It had slender green leaves the colour of emeralds, and in the centre of the leaves a blossom like a golden cup. It was so beautiful that the little Rabbit forgot to cry, and just lay there watching it. And presently the blossom opened, and out of it there stepped a fairy.

She was quite the loveliest fairy in the whole world. Her dress was of pearl and dew-drops, and there were flowers round her neck and in her hair, and her face was like the most perfect flower of all. And she came close to the little Rabbit and gathered him up in her arms and kissed him on his velveteen nose that was all damp from crying.

"Little Rabbit," she said, "don't you know who I am?"

The Rabbit looked up at her, and it seemed to him that he had seen her face before, but he couldn't think where.

"I am the nursery magic Fairy," she said. "I take care of all the playthings that the children have loved. When they are old and worn out and the children don't need them any more, then I come and take them away with me and turn them into Real."

"Wasn't I Real before?" asked the little Rabbit.

"You were Real to the Boy," the Fairy said, "because he loved you. Now you shall be Real to every one.""

This part isn't sad! ...Well, it gives Masozi a faint feeling of wistfulness that's hard to pin down, but mostly it's beautiful, and he uncurls a bit and leans in, listening raptly. 

"And she held the little Rabbit close in her arms and flew with him into the wood.

It was light now, for the moon had risen. All the forest was beautiful, and the fronds of the bracken shone like frosted silver. In the open glade between the tree-trunks the wild rabbits danced with their shadows on the velvet grass, but when they saw the Fairy they all stopped dancing and stood round in a ring to stare at her.

"I've brought you a new playfellow," the Fairy said. "You must be very kind to him and teach him all he needs to know in Rabbit-land, for he is going to live with you for ever and ever!"

And she kissed the little Rabbit again and put him down on the grass.

"Run and play, little Rabbit!" she said.

But the little Rabbit sat quite still for a moment and never moved. For when he saw all the wild rabbits dancing around him he suddenly remembered about his hind legs, and he didn't want them to see that he was made all in one piece. He did not know that when the Fairy kissed him that last time she had changed him altogether. And he might have sat there a long time, too shy to move, if just then something hadn't tickled his nose, and before he thought what he was doing he lifted his hind toe to scratch it.

And he found that he actually had hind legs! Instead of dingy velveteen he had brown fur, soft and shiny, his ears twitched by themselves, and his whiskers were so long that they brushed the grass. He gave one leap and the joy of using those hind legs was so great that he went springing about the turf on them, jumping sideways and whirling round as the others did, and he grew so excited that when at last he did stop to look for the Fairy she had gone.

He was a Real Rabbit at last, at home with the other rabbits."

It's such a happy part of the story! Masozi wiggles with enjoyment, without noticing he's doing it. 

Oh no he wiggles this is so incredibly good. 

"Autumn passed and Winter, and in the Spring, when the days grew warm and sunny, the Boy went out to play in the wood behind the house. And while he was playing, two rabbits crept out from the bracken and peeped at him. One of them was brown all over, but the other had strange markings under his fur, as though long ago he had been spotted, and the spots still showed through. And about his little soft nose and his round black eyes there was something familiar, so that the Boy thought to himself:

"Why, he looks just like my old Bunny that was lost when I had scarlet fever!"

But he never knew that it really was his own Bunny, come back to look at the child who had first helped him to be Real."

Awwwwwwwwwww this is such a sweet lovely ending. ...It's causing there to be tears in Masozi's eyes again, for some reason, they're definitely not sad tears? 

"...It's a good story," he breathes. "Even if it's sad in the middle– no, actually, I think that's why it's good." 

"Yeah. It's happy at the end. --Or, sort of. The rabbit still loses his Boy, even if he's Real."

"...Yeah. That's true. It's - happy-sad? Both at the same time." Masozi feels like there SHOULD be a word for this concept but he has no idea what it is. "- Does Mandarin have a word for that thing?" 

"Not that I know of."

"Hmm." 

Masozi mulls on the story in silence for a minute or two. 

"- Okay, I was supposed to be practicing Mandarin so maybe I should do that with the book? I can try to find all the characters I recognize." 

"If you like." He loves watching Masozi be so excited.

Masozi is getting to the point where he at least sort-of-vaguely recognizes, like, a quarter of the characters! Though often it's only 'vaguely recognizes', not remembers, and he has to paw through his notebook to find the reference, and even when he can figure out several in a row he often gets confused about the syntax and guesses wrong on what the sentence means in context, and his memory for what spoken word they correspond to is significantly lagging behind. He does have the most common twenty or so solidly down, and his pronunciation is a little better for those words. 

He's so pleased with himself about this, and also stays completely and diligently focused on the task for a remarkably long time without getting distracted. 

At one point he does mention how he wanted to start a new notebook to organize it better but needs his other one for math. Maybe someone in Shanghai would trade mana for extra paper? 

"I tell someone to give you paper."

"But -" 

Masozi swallows and stops protesting. Lan Xichen will just give him the lecture about investments again. 

"You are part of Shanghai. Shanghai is rich."

Masozi nods, seriously. "...Yeah. I - thank you. It - means a lot. ...Anyway what does this character mean?" 

Mandarin is very interesting and absorbing but it doesn't take both hands? Maybe it'll be less tempting to get distracted thinking about how soft Lan Xichen's hair is if he multitasks and uses one hand to run his fingers through it again.

He starts doing this, without particularly consciously thinking about it, and then catches himself five seconds later. "I - sorry - should I not?" It seems like maybe it was okay to do when Lan Xichen was sad and needed comforting but maybe it's not okay with him to just do it for no reason? 

"You touch me if you want to and not if you don't?"

"I just wanted to make sure it wasn't bothering you? ...Your hair is nice. My hair isn't like that at all even when I have any of it." 

"I have never touched hair of black person. I have no idea what it feels like," he confesses.

"I don't know if it'd all be the same! When mine is longer it's sort of just...fuzz? It doesn't hang down like yours, it just grows straight up. And if it gets longer than that and I go swimming a lot, then it sticks to itself sort of like fabric or strings or something. My sister's was more just really curly." 

"It is nice to touch, I think."

"When it starts growing back you can touch it if you want." It seems only fair to offer, and - maybe having his hair touched would be nice as well? 

"I look forward to it."

In the meantime, Masozi is now reassured that he has permission to appreciate Lan Xichen's hair, and will do that while he keeps puzzling over the book in Mandarin and occasionally updating his notes. 

Now that he is no longer crying about his mother, Lan Xichen is suddenly extremely conscious that he is cuddling with a very cute boy-- and not just head-on-shoulder cuddling, their bodies are pretty entangled-- in said boy's room, on his bed, and the boy's hands are in his hair, and the boy is very intently studying Mandarin and he's clever and determined and also still has a maleficer aura which shouldn't be as attractive as it is and now instead of garbage he smells like soap. 

Lan Xichen is theoretically attracted to girls but he has put a lot of work-- both magical and nonmagical-- into shutting that down, so that he could be in this situation with a girl and feel nothing but mild awkwardness. He has not at all put this effort into shutting down his attraction to boys, and all of his thoughts keep getting derailed by the observation that Masozi's mouth is right there and Lan Xichen could kiss it. 

He repeats to himself that Masozi doesn't like kissing and his entire interest in sex and romance appears to be the prospect of using it to obtain mana storage. Shanghai paid a lot to get Masozi. If Lan Xichen kisses him right now and Masozi kisses back, it won't be because he wants to kiss Lan Xichen; it'll be because Masozi thinks-- because Lan Xichen set up a situation that would cause anyone to think-- that this is the payment he wants in exchange for saving his life.

Lan Xichen says, "you know, you don't have to cuddle with me and touch my hair."

"- Hmm?" Masozi, deeply absorbed as he is, takes a couple of seconds to realize that this was not a question about Mandarin, by which point his verbal memory has dropped the actual words. "...Sorry, what was that?"

(It - would be concerning, that he lost situational awareness to that degree? He never does that. But it's okay, because Lan Xichen is a junior and powerful and Masozi trusts him.) 

"...you don't have to cuddle with me and touch my hair."

What? This really doesn't seem like the most relevant or interesting thing to be talking about right now! Has Lan Xichen considered that the book in Mandarin is right there and much more interesting as a conversation topic. 

"...I know? You said that I could touch your hair if I wanted and not if I didn't want to? And - I want to - because it's nice...?" 

Masozi trails off, having just managed to fully consciously notice that it's actually kind of mysterious how much he wants to do this? 

"I just-- don't want you to if you're doing it because I like it, and I worry because-- I have power over you?"

What????? Doing things because he wants to make other people happy is not-allowed as a reason???? This is so confusing! What is he supposed to be motivated by instead?? 

"I...don't think I want to touch your hair because you have power over me?" he says uncertainly. "I just - it makes me happy to. But one of the reasons it's nice is that I think you like it? If you want me to - ignore things where they're nice for me because I think you like it, I...can try...?" 

"If you touch my hair because you think this helps you stay in Shanghai and not die, I am sad." 

See that sounds very stupid now that he says it.

Masozi's first thought is what. His next several thoughts are variants of this. 

His third or fourth thought is that, if Lan Xichen is saying that in fact it would help his chances of staying with Shanghai if he touches Lan Xichen's hair, then he has CONCERNS? Surely is not a good basis for making strategic decisions!

...And Lan Xichen isn't stupid, so - probably Masozi is misunderstanding something again?? And the way to resolve this confusion is to say things about it, even if it's very hard to find the right words. 

"...I don't think touching your hair will help me stay in Shanghai and not die? Because that would be a stupid way for you to make decisions? I..." And now he's, again, at the limit of where he even has introspectively accessible thoughts, let alone words. "- I trust you? Because you helped me not die, because you - cared... And I think trusting you is - maybe why it's nice to touch your hair? But it's - only that direction - you already helped me not die before..."

He's so bad at talking about this and probably none of that made any sense! 

Fuck he is going to have to say this with his actual mouth isn't he.

"...you are handsome and you make beautiful faces when you are excited about learning things. And-- you remember what Nie Huaisang says, about fucking for mana storage, or fucking to be in enclave--"

This is not actually all that enlightening! Masozi gives Lan Xichen a nonplussed look, and then frowns and tries to actually parse that. 

Oh.

"- I'm not trying to have sex with you so you give me mana storage!" Aaaaaaaaah did Lan Xichen think he was doing that, no wonder he had worries. "I wasn't thinking about that at all! Also I think I would be really bad at it so it's not even a good strategy!" 

He's going to push through. Concealing his emotions here works if they're going to be allies and doesn't work at all if he's going to wind up entangled on Masozi's bed with Masozi stroking his hair. 

"You maybe think I want it, because I think you are handsome."

"....I - hadn't - do you want it? I - I didn't know you thought I was handsome until you said it just now!" 

"Yes. And it's... not fair for you not to know that, I think? To make decisions with. But if you know maybe you think 'oh, Lan Xichen saved me because he wants me to touch his hair and kiss him, I have to do that or I will be thrown out of Shanghai,' and that is not good for me or you or Shanghai, if you think like that. --I think it goes other way, I want you for same reasons I save you, you are determined and clever and compassionate."

This is much easier with Meng Yao where the sort of benefits Meng Yao is getting from being Lan Xichen's favorite are clear to everyone involved.

Masozi spends an awkward stretch of time frozen on the spot, because he has absolutely no idea what to say. 

".....I don't think you'd have saved me because you wanted to kiss me? Because that would be stupid and - not good strategy... And I know you're not stupid, and so you'd've wanted to save me because I'm - clever and determined and will do things -? And I, I want to - be that for you -  and I like you because you make good decisions and you care about me and you saved my life...." 

Crap. This is all going very very badly. He'd be like "why couldn't this have gone the way it did with Meng Yao" but Meng Yao almost died and Masozi has done enough almost-dying for one week.

"Yes. I want-- to do things for you that are good for you?"

"- Why? Because it's - a good investment, for you?" 

"And because I like you."

".....I don't know what the difference between those is?" 

"...I like you for reasons that are not you being a good investment? Like that it makes me happy when you're excited about math."

"But - isn't me being excited about math part of why I'm a good investment? Because it means I'll be better at learning it?" 

"If you're excited about learning something with no strategic value I still like watching you learn it, I think."

"I - but if it's not useful then I'd want you to tell me that? Because I want to know what has strategic value, to learn first, and - there's so many things I don't know...?" 

Masozi is feeling like he lost the plot of this conversation a WHILE ago and now he's metaphorically-dizzy again, but it's not like that's anything new, and based on the last few days this is maybe the new normal for frequency.

"I tell you! I definitely tell you! It is just an example of liking being different from investment. Or-- if you lose hand you are worse investment but it doesn't change the amount I like you?"

"- What, really? I - if I were stupider then you'd like me less, I think?"

"Yes, that's true. I like people who are-- clever, compassionate, ruthless. People who want to build things. These also make good investments? But I also like people who care about family, which doesn't matter one way or other for investment." He sighs. "And I like people who need someone to take chance on them, which makes for worse investments, I think, in most cases? I like... people who have it hard before, people who do bad things and want to stop..."

Masozi feels like this is combining many distinct categories into one and adding additional confusion! 

"....I don't really have family left that I could care about?" he says, for lack of anything else contentful to say.

"...I think I am confusing you more than I am helping."

"Maybe." 

Masozi pauses. Thinks. 

"I...would be sad if you liked me just because you thought my hair would be nice or that I would be nice to kiss?" Whatever that even means, in isolation, it's very baffling! "I - want you to like me because I'm - good at doing things, and - and - trying to fix things and build things - ?" 

"I do like you for those things."

Awwww. Happy delighted smile. 

"- That seems okay then?" 

"And-- if you want to play with my hair that makes me happy but if you don't want to-- at time or ever again-- then I'm not mad at you or going to punish you?"

"Mmm-hmm." Why would Lan Xichen punish him for that, it doesn't seem like it would accomplish ANY of his goals. "I - I think I just like it? Because your hair is soft, and - a bit because I just like it when you - make that happy face you do sometimes...? - I don't know, maybe I want that because secretly my brain is trying to do a plan to make you like me more? But I don't think I'm doing that and I - I don't know how to tell if my brain is doing it secretly?" 

"I think secret plans to make me like you more are allowed. Especially if they involve being very excited about calculus."

"....I don't need to have a secret plan about making you like me to be excited about calculus! It's just interesting." 

He laughs. "Or maybe your brain is doing it secretly very well."

(The problem is that this conversation really makes him want to kiss Masozi.)

(The problem is that this conversation is really confusing! And - keeps making him want things that he doesn't have words or concepts for -) 

"...I like looking at your face?" Masozi says, hesitant again. "I - sorry if that bothers you? Just - the way there's an angle between your eye and your nose...?" 

Now that he's trying to say it out loud, it sounds incredibly stupid! He could maybe try to get his notebook and draw a picture of Lan Xichen's face and then he could point at it, but Masozi is pretty sure that drawing is hard too. 

"I like if you like looking at my face," he says, and blushes.

....Oooh, huh, his face is - doing a thing? And it makes it even prettier to look at? 

(Masozi has only ever met people with sufficiently dark skin tones that blushes weren't really visible.) 

"....Your face just did a thing that made it prettier? Was that on purpose?" 

Gosh, I wonder if he's a dom, Lan Xichen thinks, and then banishes the thought to the Bad Thoughts Place Where Only Bad Thoughts Live.

"No. I blush. Pale people blush when they're embarrassed or shy."

"Oh. ...Are you embarrassed? Why?" 

"--It makes me feel nice to receive compliment on my appearance, because you like it, and that makes me feel embarrassed because I feel... vulnerable? I think. Emotions are very complicated."

They must be complicated, since none of that makes any sense! 

“…I don’t understand why looking nice makes you feel vulnerable? It’s - a strength and not a weakness?”

"It... reminds me that I care about you liking me? I think."

"- Okay but I do like you! For - lots of reasons - but your hair being nice and soft isn't the important reason, it's - just something I only would've noticed at all if I already liked you because you were clever and strategic and powerful and - cared about saving people - cared about saving me...? Does that help. I don't know if that helps." 

"It's-- not problem to be embarrassed. I like it."

"Oh. Okay." 

Masozi's face is...feeling kind of warm? He wonders if that's a thing like blushing. 

"I...think I want to - do something? But I don't actually know what?" 

"If you think of what you want maybe we try?"

Nod. 

"Maybe I can keep doing Mandarin and I'll tell you if I - think of something specific I want to do other than what we're already doing?" 

"Sounds good."