Calming spells are the worst. He keeps reaching for his anger and finding nothing, so instead all he has is a deep sense of shame. 

"I just wanted to show Tomonori my whip."

"I understand that," Lan Xichen says, "it's a beautiful artifact and it was your mother's."

What is happening. Why isn't he being yelled at. Why hasn't anyone called him a worthless pathetic child who is a disgrace to the Shanghai enclave and to his family name. Jiang Cheng has no idea how to react to any of this.

"I'm... sorry?" he says, because that's usually safe.

"I know you're sorry," he says, "what I want to know is that it won't happen again."

"It won't," Jiang Cheng lies.

"Why didn't you ask Tomonori if he wanted to see your whip instead of doing something that looked so threatening?"

The question only increases Jiang Cheng's bone-deep sense of shame.

Sullenly: "I didn't think of it."

"Is there something I can do to help you remember?"

"No."

"All right. You're an excellent member of the enclave and I know you're going to think things through more going forward."

"Thank you, Xichen," he says and bows clumsily, then flees before he can be empathized with again.

This is the worst torture he has ever experienced. What was happening. At least when you're being called a useless despicable dog you know what's going on.

He hates Xichen. And Tomonori. And Nie Huaisang.

Lan Xichen dismisses the calming aura and, enclave business attended to, heads down to the library to study before his maintenance shift.

Masozi is there. He's currently occupied doing a thorough check for mals, but he sees Lan Xichen and beams at him. 

Lan Xichen smiles back in a way that, to the experienced eye, is far happier than his usual calm pleasant smile.

"How are you?" he asks.

"Good! I did a lot of practicing Mandarin last night and I can figure out what three of the sentences on the first page of my meditation book mean!" 

"You're learning very fast."

"They're the really short sentences and I might be reading them wrong. There are lots more where I can recognize some characters but I can't figure out what they mean in the sentence." 

"Even so! It's impressive."

Masozi isn't sure what being told it's impressive accomplishes, here - he's still very very far behind and if he can't catch up fast he's going to die here - so he just shrugs. 

"I bet we can find you book that's intended for teaching Mandarin, if you want to learn faster than language lab allows."

"That would be really good! I don't actually have that much language lab, I have so much math." 

"It is also less likely to eat you, which I appreciate." He walks over to the Mandarin section. 

Masozi is following him, keeping a lookout for mals and also trying to look at everything in the library at once. 

"Oh, this looks helpful." The cover of this book announces that it is Mandarin Primer: An Intensive Course in SPOKEN CHINESE, by Yuen Ren Chao.

Masozi eagerly examines it. 

"...Do you know where I'd find a book about how to make mana storage?" he asks a moment later. "I think I should do that soon. ...Nie Huaisang did say I could maybe trade fucking with someone for getting mana storage? But he thought you might say it was bad for the dignity of the enclave and it also sounds complicated to figure out who." 

Why. 

"...don't trade sex for mana storage."

Well, that makes it very simple to decide, then. "Okay, I won't, I'll make one in shop instead. ...Do you think Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji would have time to go down to the shop today even though it's a weekend? I want to get started earlier than Monday." 

"Yes, they would."

He fights down the urge to say I can get you mana storage. He could, they have the spare resources to trade. But Masozi isn't even an ally yet, they can't afford to give him something that valuable. It would lead to questions about his judgment.

Instead, Lan Xichen says, "--Nie Huaisang told you what?"

"He was - telling me about nice things he thought I should know, and he showed me - 'porn'? And then it was confusing so he said he should explain how fucking worked." 

"That... does sound like Nie Huaisang, yes. He has porn in the Scholomance?"

Visions of text files flash through his mind.

"He had pictures. He...said it's a nice thing and his store is for selling nice things? He also made tea for me and gave me a guava candy, which was amazing! And he tried to show me how kissing works but I don't think I really got it. ...He said I shouldn't have sex with anyone unless I'm enthusiastic about it or I want to trade something for it, but that kissing people is fine? I don't know why that's different." 

Masozi says all of this very matter-of-factly, in exactly the same tone of voice he would use for talking about mal-spotting duty or what he got from the cafeteria or something. 

"Did you... want... Nie Huaisang to kiss you?"

He has no idea on what level this is a disciplinary issue!

"...I don't know? I said he could. It was...fine, I guess?" 

Lan Xichen is not disappointed that he probably won't get to kiss Masozi. That is not a helpful emotion and so he's not feeling it.

(This is why Meng Yao put so much energy into learning self-modification spells, he thinks.)

"If you end up allying with Shanghai you won't have to have sex for things," he says finally.

"Oh." 

This entire conversation is almost as confusing as the initial conversation with Nie Huaisang? 

"Are you...mad about it?" Masozi manages finally. "Is it - bad, to have sex to trade for things?" 

"I... like to run things so that people who are my responsibility don't have to?"

This seems sort of like the same thing as saying it's bad, or else why would he mind so much? 

Masozi is going to drop the topic, though, it's not going anywhere useful and he doesn't like feeling like Lan Xichen is maybe mad at him. "Oh," he says, and then falls awkwardly silent. 

"...you shouldn't have to have sex unless you want to."

Lan Xichen feels the urge to wrap Masozi up in dozens of wards and stuff him in Lan Xichen's dorm room where he can be safe from everything that might hurt him.

"I mean, Nie Huaisang said that! He just said that wanting mana storage could be a reason for wanting to. But he said it was a bad plan unless I could be subtle about it and I probably can't so." Shrug. 

... ... ...

"...yes," he says, "I think that your advantage in the Scholomance is not plans that require subtle political adeptness."

"I think I have to try to learn how to do it at some point, but I probably need to have mana storage before that, so - I guess I'll go look for a book about how to make it in shop?" 

"If you want we can look for one together."

"Okay." And Masozi can follow him around looking for a while. 

- eventually he pulls together the courage for his other question, the one that's actually fraught and kind of scary to ask even though probably Lan Xichen is trustworthy and keeps his word and won't hurt him. 

"Lan Xichen?" he manages. "Can I - ask you about something -?" 

"Of course. You ask me anything."

"I..." And actually he has so little idea of where or how to start. "I - yesterday I got back to my room and someone from Shanghai was there putting wards on it and he said if I gave him mana for it you would make him give it back?" 

"...I'm sorry, I forget to tell you that. Induction day is very busy. Yes. It's investment, I think you pay it back if you don't die."

"He shouted at me a lot. I think he thought it was a bad idea. ...I asked about paying it back, I - was scared he was going to, to want to be paid and I wouldn't have anything and he would hurt me? And he said probably in two weeks you would either want me to promise loyalty to Shanghai or you would want a 'blowjob' but I don't know what that word means." 

He is going to murder Jin Zixun. 

...

He is not going to murder Jin Zixun, because Jin Zixun is part of Shanghai enclave and it's his job to make sure that every single member of Shanghai enclave graduates alive no matter how personally obnoxious he finds them. 

"I am being generous because I want you to choose to ally with Shanghai because I think you're valuable both now and after graduation. I-- am not going to want a blowjob." Fuck. Fuck Jin Zixun. Fuck his life. "It's, uh. When you put someone's penis in your mouth." He is going to murder Jin Zixun. 

"Oh." Why. Why would anyone do that. It's such a mystery.

Masozi relaxes, though; he was mostly worried about the possibility of an unknown Obligation looming over his future. Known obligations are fine especially if they're not inconvenient. "That...doesn't seem like it would be worth an entire set of wards anyway?"

- and then he tenses again because he's remembering the REST of the conversation. "- He said one of Wen Qing's sister's bodyguards refused to do it anymore because he was mad about you helping me. If that's my fault then I should help do it instead." 

"That is appreciated. You walk him to and from meals? He has guards for classes."

Nod. "I can do that. ...Why are people mad about me?" He's looking kind of scared again as he says this. 

"I am being very generous with you because you have few resources to start out with and I don't want you to die or bring shame onto Shanghai enclave before I can get benefits from you. Most people know I don't work with maleficers but some people don't know me well, especially the freshmen indies. Wen Qing, Meng Yao, and I talk about that tonight."

"Oh." 

Masozi does not actually look as reassured by this as one would expect. He's holding his shoulders very tense. 

"Can I -" He stops. Swallows. "I...want to say something but I don't want you to be mad." 

"I very rarely get mad."

Then it's all going to come out in a fumbling rush before Masozi has a chance to lose his nerve. 

"The boy who did my wards said he wished you would actually have a pet maleficer to - help protect the enclave - and I, I - think this probably isn't true - but I thought...that maybe what if you wanted that - not for me to use malia now but because I can do it, I could later - I thought maybe you'd want me to use it to get Wen Qing's brother and Nie Huaisang out since they're not good at fighting - and I, I just -" 

This is INCREDIBLY HARD to say but he pushes through. 

"I just want to say that if you're helping me because of that, I - I won't do it. Because if it really makes you go crazy then that's not worth it." 

"I don't ever ask you to use malia. Not because you don't want to, because... there are rules and norms. If enclaves use maleficers then everyone has to use maleficers to keep up, and lots of people are murdered and all the enclaves are just as powerful as they were before anyone used maleficer. And it is important to be reliable and predictable. Everyone knows I don't break this rule, so they don't worry about me breaking it. So I ally with you and people say 'oh, there must be special circumstance,' not 'we have to get our own maleficer or Shanghai will kill us.'"

He so badly wants that to be true. The world where it's true is better. 

...He also wants Lan Xichen to think he believes it even if he doesn't, so he nods seriously. "That makes sense. I'm glad." 

"I let people die to protect Shanghai enclave but only in the ways it is customary to do so."

"What...are the ways it's customary to let people die?" 

"Jin Zixun could ward dozens more than he actually wards. But if he does, Shanghai enclave has less mana in storage and we're more likely to die."

"...Yeah. Should I - be giving Shanghai extra mana I have at the end of the day? So I don't cost as much resources?" It turns out that learning the Mandarin writing system is one of the most mana-building activities he's done EVER; he doesn't hate it but Masozi hates very few things, hating things isn't a luxury he's ever felt that he had, and it's an incredible amount of effort.  

"For now, yes, but when you have mana storage you put it in your own mana storage."

(He hates this so much.)

"I don't want someone from Shanghai to die because I was taking more resources than I'm giving you!" 

He's so sincere. No other indie in the Scholomance would have that much loyalty bought for the price of clothes and wards.

"Do you know what 'investment' is?"

He's seen the word in English library books. Like, twice. Both times surrounded by enough other unfamiliar words that it was pretty hard to back it out from context.

"It's...something rich people do with money?" 

"'Investment' is-- I have a farm and grow food on it? But the crops grow better if I fertilize the soil. So I spend resources on fertilizer now and have many more resources later."

"Oh." Masozi has never in his life had enough surplus resources for that to make any sense. "Is...that sort of like what I'm doing by learning Mandarin? It's going to take a lot of work now but then I can learn spells from people in Shanghai?" 

"Yes. That is investment. I invest in you. You have potential but no resources, and I have many resources. So I give you things you need so you become stronger. And then when you're stronger you're grateful to and loyal to Shanghai, and you make us stronger too."

"...Yeah. I guess that makes sense." 

Masozi feels kind of self-conscious about it, though, and so he busies himself looking for spellbooks on making mana storage. 

"It's okay if investment doesn't pay off. Some investments don't. Sometimes field floods and you don't get crops after all." This analogy feels uncomfortably like one of the Nie parents talking about an idol drama in order to relate to the kids.

If the investment is in him specifically, then Masozi thinks it's actually NOT okay if it fails to pay off. Though...not really because of anything about Lan Xichen's resources. Just - that the only way he can ever do what matters, here, the only way he's going to be able to make the world better and less broken, if if he survives and grows up and becomes strong enough. 

He's learned not to talk about that kind of thing too much. It makes people give him weird looks. 

"Mmm," he says. 

"But if I fertilize soil I don't want seedling to say, 'Lan Xichen spends so much fertilizer on me, I pull myself out of the ground right now,' you see? I want it to take fertilizer and grow strong and then I get much more food. So I want you to watch for mals and produce mana, but more than that if you decide to ally with Shanghai I want you to focus on learning math and Mandarin and magic so you keep everyone alive at graduation. Wen Ning and Nie Huaisang can't keep themselves alive."

"...Okay. That makes sense." 

Is it up to him to decide if he wants to ally with Shanghai? This is also very confusing. It feels like it should really be up to Lan Xichen. 

This is a question that Lan Xichen can't answer.

"Come to the Shanghai reading room and I teach you more Mandarin if you want."

"Okay!" Bouncebouncebounce.

He's so cute! He bounces!

Tomonori and Nie Huaisang are in the other corner of the reading room, Nie Huaisang draped over Tomonori like a particularly sexy blanket. Tomonori looks uncomfortable or excited or possibly both.

"I think first thing book wants you to do is learn pronunciation?" 

"Sure!" He's been working on that some, mostly by repeating under his breath all the syllables and words he can pick out when listening to Mandarin conversations. It's both harder and less interesting than the codebreaking-exercise of figuring out how to read the characters, but that just means he gets more mana from it, right? 

(Masozi at this point does not have the sounds that characters represent memorized in almost any cases; his notebook contains some attempts at using the International Phonetic Alphabet from when Wei Wuxian was explaining it to him, but to be honest he wasn't fully tracking said explanation, his brain was already so full by then.) 

The book uses Wade-Giles to represent the sounds ("God, this is confusing," Lan Xichen mutters to himself) and Lan Xichen gently guides him through making sure he's pronouncing each of the letters and the tones correctly.

Masozi is very good at paying attention to the lesson! He doesn't have too much trouble with the tones; other aspects of pronunciation are harder, and even when he's trying his best, he can't actually quite manage all the consonant sounds. He's probably going to end up speaking Mandarin with a very strange accent, if he manages to learn it. 

He is really unfairly cute and Lan Xichen has a problem.

The problem is labeled "don't express any sexual or romantic interest in the fourteen-year-old who doesn't like sex and who you have an absurd amount of power over."

After a while, he says, "I kind of want to read you poetry."

"...Okay?" Masozi is vaguely aware that poetry exists but is kind of confused about what it is, exactly. 

"They make us memorize lots of poetry for test to get in. It helps with writing and learning spells, since most of them are also poetry. You learn skills of memorization without having to worry about spellchoking."

"....Oh. Yeah, that makes sense for practice. - I don't think I had very good practice for memorizing things, unless remembering which streets were more or less dangerous is the kind of thing that counts." 

"Oh! Actually I should talk you through making memory palace, to help you remember things."

"Making a...what? Also what's 'spell choking'?" 

"If you try to learn too many spells at same time they get muddled in your head. You get worse at learning them for each new one you add. Some people become anxious, keep trying to learn new spells in case previous ones were too hard, stop feeling like they can learn spells at all, it is whole psychological mess. Then you can't learn any more spells and you die."

"That....seems really stupid?" Probably this isn't a polite or helpful thing to say but Masozi's brain is giving him zero alternate suggestions. "I - if something is too hard but it's really important then you - work harder on it and for longer and you figure out how to make it into ten smaller pieces and learn each of those? You don't just...pretend it's not there...?" 

"That is one theory. Spellchoking doesn't happen often so we aren't really sure why people spellchoke. Another theory is that there's sort of queue and you can only learn so many spells before it fills up and you can't learn any more. --It isn't at all common but it's best to avoid it, and you're at risk because you're learning difficult new language."

"Oh. ....Is Mandarin difficult? I - guess it's more difficult than learning Zulu because it's more different. And it's...easier than learning English, in some ways, but I was younger and - less good at things, when I started trying to learn English." 

"It is considered difficult for English speakers, I don't know about Zulu speakers. Characters are very difficult. I think if you stay with Shanghai we might get Wen Ning to get mana by copying spells into pinyin for you." He looks at the book suspiciously. "...Or apparently Wade-Giles. --Some spells require knowing characters spell is written in but not all of them, and you can just memorize characters if spell is short. I think you'll be okay."

"I like learning the characters! It's like math. It's just hard to remember how to say the sounds right." 

"Average Chinese speaker knows about eight thousand characters? It takes a while to learn."

"......Eight thousand? That's so many!" 

It is just, perhaps, slightly, now occurring to Masozi that he may be out of his depth. 

"School is aware of this and tends to give you spells in pinyin or very simple characters for your first year or two of studying Mandarin."

"Oh. Good." 

Pause. 

"Is it...a normal thing? To decide to learn Mandarin once you get to school? Or do most students either know it before or not want to learn it?" 

"I think most people who are languages track choose easier languages but it isn't that uncommon? There are lots of good spells in Mandarin and lots of native Mandarin speakers."

That sounds slightly evasive but Masozi has no idea what Lan Xichen could be trying to evade! 

"...I'm not languages track?" he says, uncertainly. "I - mean - I don't actually know how I'd know if I was or not - but I think I want to learn artificing the most, it sounds really cool and good?" 

"Mandarin is hard and-- spellchoking is rare but I don't think it's impossible you'll wind up spellchoking learning it?"

"....Yeah." 

Of course it's not impossible. It's been driven very very deeply into Masozi's entire model of the world, over his entire life, that the worst possible things he can imagine are possible - that they can and will happen. He remembers being six years old, and watching his mother grinning and laughing as his older sister played - watching her snuggling the baby, at the time - a baby who died scarcely a year later, or less, he can't even remember - and - knowing that she could and might die, because she wasn't being clever and careful and looking out for her survival and her children's survival first and foremost– 

And now Masozi is kind of upset, and fighting to push it down again, into the corner where all of his feelings have to live until he's strong enough to win all the fights and fix all the problems. But right now he isn't, and - apparently he's also not strong enough to entirely hide the fact that he's having an emotion at all. 

He hopes that Lan Xichen won't notice. 

Lan Xichen gently puts his hand on Masozi's back.

"You won't if you're clever and careful."

"- Yeah. I'm going to - try." Because he has to.

Because no one else will...

But he can't make any promises that he'll succeed. Obviously. He watched his parents give empty reassurances, and fail, over and over. He's done with that. 

"- You were going to tell me about making a memory palace?" 

"Yes. I think you're good at it-- it's all about visuals."

He walks Masozi through the process of imagining a location he knows well, associating things he wants to remember with memorable images, and placing them in the location he knows well.

"So, you see, if you're looking for food-related characters you look in the kitchen--"

This is such an amazing concept!

Masozi has a very good visual/spatial memory, and in particular he has a SUPER detailed mental map of all the streets and alleys in the district of Lilongwe the capital city of Malawi, and also all the paths near the shores of the lake. And he listens so incredibly attentively, and watches Lan Xichen with so much respect...

He has a PROBLEM.