Something is sitting across the desk from her. It has four hands: two steepled in front of its mouthless face, one extending a hand of five tarot cards towards her, and one clasped painfully tightly around her wrist.

"Choose."

"Buh--choose what," she says, startling awake.

The shadow clings to her hand, smiling with its blank white eyes. "A card."

"What are the cards? What do they do? Why do you want me to choose one?

"They are choices of your fate. They will send you to a new world. This is because it is the Law."

"What do you mean by fate? How will they sent me to a new world? What's the Law?"

"A new life. You will awaken in a new place, perhaps in a new body. The Law is the Law of the World."

"Why me? Why anybody? What do the cards do?"

"You cannot defend yourself. To break down the order of the world and the Law. It depends on which you choose."

"Why do you want to break down the order of the world and the Law? What are the choices?"

"It is our purpose. There are five choices: the Hermit, the Hanged Man, the Chariot, the Fool, and the Empress."

If Daphne uses her free hand to grab a pencil and scribble on her papers, is this thing going to stop her?

"How are they different?"

It appears this thing does not like her taking notes. Its fingers are crooked and painful digging in against her hand.

"Each sacrifices something for a new kind of power."

Fuck this thing--

"What does the Hermit do?"

"You will sacrifice your ability to express yourself for the ability to think and act with perfect precision."

"...Sacrifice the ability to express myself like how?"

"You will be unable to express emotion."

Welp we can just file that away for nightmare fodder later on.

"What does the, um, Chariot do?"

"You will become strong, powerful, inflexible. The aspect of steel will be yours."

"What does that mean?"

"You will become much more physically powerful and talented, but new academic and social concepts will be more difficult for you to learn."

Eugh. Almost as bad.

"What does the Empress do?"

"You will gain tremendous magical power: in exchange, you will give up any hope of ever being safe again."

Why is every single option terrible.

"What about the Fool?"

"You will give up your body and future for a chance to dictate your own fate."

"What do you mean by give up my body and future."

"You will have a new body in the new world - a male body. Everyone will know that you once had a female body. Love will follow you, no matter whether you wish it to or not. Your future will forever be dominated by an uncommon destiny."

Well compared to the other options that's not so bad.

"What about the, other one, the Hanged Man?"

"You will have eternal youth."

"...At the cost of?"

"That is the cost."

"How is that a cost?"

The shadow shrugs. "Some people prefer to grow old."

"But then you die. Is that all these cards do, is what you've told me?"

"They have other effects, but they are relatively minor."

"What are their relatively minor effects?"

"What sort of family you will have in the new world. Socioeconomic status. The type of supernatural power you will have access to. And so on in that vein."

"Those aren't minor, you florist's month-old discards." Maybe she shouldn't have provoked the magic thing with the power to fuck with her life so utterly oh well "What--" she wasn't going to ask about the Hermit or the Chariot those could die in a fire "--supernatural powers does the Hanged Man grant?"

"The ability to change your appearance. The ability to fly. The ability to speak with the dead. All of these are powers granted by the Hanged Man."

"What aren't you telling me about this card?"

"Quite a bit."

"...Out of the things you're not telling me about this card, which one do you think is most likely to make me not pick it?"

The shadow shrugs.

"Out of the things you're not telling me about this card, which ones have the most people who learned about them reacted negatively to in the past?"

The shadow shrugs again.

Augh. "What are the supernatural abilities of the Fool card?"

"Small wishes. Ancient artifacts. New skills."

"What kind of wishes? What kind of artifacts? What kind of skills?"

"Wishes like 'to be able to fly for the next hour.' Artifacts such as a set of goggles that would let you see through objects. Skills such as mastery of painting and drawing."

That's pretty great, but it doesn't necessarily stack up all that well against eternal youth. "How does the Hanged Man card affect what kind of family I would have?"

"Those who choose the Hanged Man will have a rich and powerful family in the new world, who will protect them from danger."

"What kind of family does the Fool card give?"

"A low or middle-class family, more likely a lower-class one."

"...Is there anything I can choose besides what specific card I get?"

"Yes. For instance, you may choose to pick now, or to ask more questions."

"Is there anything about the cards I can choose."

The shadow rubs its temples with one of its excess hands. "Yes."

"What can I choose about the cards."

"It depends on the individual card."

"What can I choose about the Hanged Man card?"

"The strengths, weaknesses, and general appearance of your new body. Your family reputation, your demonic bloodline, your bodyguard, and the supernatural augmentations available to you."

"...Demonic bloodline. I don't think you mentioned that before."

"Not a question. Stalling."

"What does having a demonic bloodline mean? And what does stalling mean, for that matter?"

"It means that you will posses supernatural powers based on what type of demon your ancestors interbred with. As for stalling, it is a reminder that you are not asking questions."

"Does stalling have any negative effects? Does a demonic bloodline have any negative effects, for that matter?"

"Yes to both questions."

"What are the negative effects of stalling? What are the negative effects of a demonic bloodline?"

"If you stall too long, I will choose a card for you. As for demonic blood, it will make those of the lower classes more suspicious of you."

Enh, not great. She likes having people like her. "What can be chosen about the Fool card?"

"The strengths, weaknesses and general appearance of your new body. Your circle of friends, your overarching fate, and the strangeness that will come into your life."

"What can I decide about my body?"

"Your specialization towards health, intelligence, or learning ability. Your general body type, as it relates to the shape of your body. How fast you age."

Ooh. "What are my options for how fast I age?"

"One-half normal speed, one-fourth normal speed, and one-sixth normal speed."

Why would anyone choose anything but the latter? Except--"You said I'm going to have a new family and an entirely new life--how old do I start out in this place?"

"As old as you are now."

Oh, good. "Are there any downsides to aging at one-sixth normal speed?"

"A body which ages slower will be more divorced from the rest of humanity, negatively impacting your social presence, and at the one-sixth rate you will additionally lose some of the speed with which you learn new skills."

"But this is just usual 'everyone is aging past me' kind of thing, not some kind of aura of unnaturalness, right?"

"Somewhere between. It would be most accurate to say that not all of your natural charisma or learning skill will transfer to the new body."

"...But this doesn't hold for if I choose the normal-aging body, right?"

"There is no normal-aging body."

Oh, right. "Half was the slowest one, right? Does that one have serious downsides?"

"No."

"Okay, lemme rephrase that. Does it have one-third the downside that one-sixth has?"

"No."

"...Does it have some other fraction of that downside?"

"No."

"Does the one-fourth aging rate have that, or come to think of it other, downsides? Does the one-half aging rate have downsides you didn't decide to classify as serious?"

"Neither yes nor no, and yes."

"What do you mean, neither yes nor no?"

"It has only the loss of charisma, and that at a reduced extent."

Tch. Getting information out of these things is like pulling teeth. "What are the non-serious downsides of the one-half aging rate?"

"You age more quickly than the one-fourth or one-sixth rates."

"I meant relative to aging normally."

"Not a question. Stalling."

"Are there any downsides of the Fool card that can be specifically linked to aging at half-speed?"

"No."

Okay, she'll have to think about that. And meanwhile she'll have to ask more questions so they don't mark her as stalling. "What can I choose about my body type?"

"There are three general body types to select from."

"What are they?"

"Slim, curvy, and full. The first is skinny and short, with little muscle: the third is taller and more muscular: the second is intermediate between the two."

"Why is the one referred to as 'curvy' when I would have a male body?"

"I was hoping it would help you to forget about the downside of the card."

"That's hilarious. Are there any salient differences between the three besides aesthetics?"

"Yes. The first learns faster, the second is more dextrous, and the third has a stronger constitution."

Hmm. "I'd go with curvy, then," she says, and reflects briefly back on the lifespan question. "Are there any ways to extend my lifespan besides choosing the one-quarter or one-sixth aging rates?"

"You have the option to additionally age half as fast as the original option you chose."

"Does this have any downsides?"

"The loss of another option for that choice."

"And what choice is that?"

"The choice of the strangeness in your life."

"And what are the details of this choice?"

The creature grinds its teeth.

"There are ten possible anomalies that might occur in your life. You may pick up to five of them."

"What are the ten anomalies?"

"Firstly, that you will become a boy whenever you are exposed to hot water, and become a girl whenever you are exposed to cold water.
Secondly, your body will never experience any negative impact from eating food, even unhealthy food.
Thirdly, you will have the ability to change the coloration of your body.
Fourthly, you will age half as fast.
Fifthly, you will never need to attend to your personal hygiene ever again.
Sixth, you will be able to summon a powerful magical artifact.
Seventh, you may master a single style of dance and vocals, or a single painting and drawing style.
Eighth, you may become experienced at a single form of armed combat, or you may become adept at a single noncombat sport.
Ninth, you may set your age up to five years lower or higher than your apparent age, or you may gain the ability to heal others' wounds once a month.
Tenth, you may gain or remove tattoos or piercings from your body at will, or summon clothing in any style once per day."

"...Doesn't the first one kind of take away the major downside for this card?"

The shadow shrugs.

"How does the second one work? Does unwanted weight gain count as a negative effect? Does wanted weight gain count as a negative effect? If it prevents weight gain do the extra calories just vanish or do you get a super-liver that stores the excess calories as glycogen instead of fat?"

"I don't know precisely. Yes, no, I don't know."

"Can you tell me of anyone I could ask in this world who might know?"

"I don't have to answer that question."

"Can I customize the options? Decide what painting or drawing or sport or whatever that option gives, or choose any details of the artifact?"

"Yes."

"What options do I have regarding the artifact?"

"There are five different artifacts that you can choose: The Hammer, the Spear, the Tome, the Gauntlets, and the Monocle."

"What are the Gauntlets?"

"They strengthen the wearer, allow them to project defensive shields, and shock those that the wearer touches with them."

"Do they do anything else? Do they have any downsides? Is it possible to customize them further than that, including but not limited to in aesthetics?"

"No, no and no."

"What do they look like? How heavy are they?"

"Gauntlets. They're as heavy as anything else made of metal of the same size would be."

"What kind of metal? How far up one's arms do they go? Are they made of anything besides metal, such as for example leather in buckles?"

"Steel. Wrist. Yes."

The shadow rolls its eyes.

"How well are they likely to fit?" Is she just fucking with it now? Hard to tell. (yes)

"Very." Is that narrowing of its eyes annoyance? It's probably annoyance.

"What's the Hammer like?"

"It's a warhammer. With a haft that can extend to six feet, and a head that can quadruple in size. It weighs nothing to you, and can produce shockwaves when it impacts things."

"Niiiiice. What's it's smallest possible size? Does weighing nothing to me mean that if I attach it to my person it won't cause strain to whatever I use to attach it?"

"About two feet long with a fist-sized head. Yes."

"Does having no weight to me mean I can also treat it as non-inertial?"

"I have no idea."

"...Could I swing it around as though it had no mass or would I still have to apply a force relative to its mass to achieve the desired acceleration even if 'force due to gravity' wasn't a constraint."

"I already said I don't know."

"I didn't know if you actually didn't know the answer or if you were just confused by the terminology. What materials is the hammer made of? Are there any carvings on it or anything?"

"Wood and steel. I don't know."

"Do you mean steel for the head and wood for the shaft or vice-versa?"

"No, the head is wood and the shaft is steel."

The shadow meets her gaze levelly.

"...Are you being sarcastic?"

"Yes."

"Fair enough. What's the spear like?"

"It can extend to be up to twelve feet long. It improves your dexterity and running speed. While you hold it, you can jump twice as high, and you are never injured by falls."

"What's its minimum length?"

"About four feet long."

"What are the Tome and the Monocle?"

"The tome, once read, permanently gives you a set of four shadowy, translucent tendrils that defend you against harm, within the limits of their six-foot reach. It also will improve your skill at magic and your general intelligence. As for the monocle, it allows you to see through solid objects and generate harmful rays and orbs of orange light."

"...What other characteristics do these tentacles have?"

"They act independently of you, but always in your best interests, and they can reach through solid matter."

"Can they be tucked away when I don't want to walk around being Tentacle Person?"

"They're still six feet long, but they can intersect your own body. So yes."

"How much control do I have over when? You said they act in my best interests but not how they can tell what my interests are."

"They will do what you want, but can react to things that you yourself have not perceived yet."

"So less like semi-autonomous agents and more like regular limbs with reflexes up to eleven?"

"Somewhere in between."

"So any of the other magic items could end up being taken away, but not the effects of the Tome once I've read it?"

"Yes. They are permanent."

"How would the shadowy tentacles be seen by the general population of those in the new world? How useful is skill at magic?"

"They would be strange and unsettling. As useful as skill with technology is in your world."

"Am I likely to be in combat situations often enough to warrant one of the weapons?"

"Only if you go looking for combat situations."

...

"Are your kind of thing going to be in this world?"

"Yes."

"How vulnerable are you to those weapons?"

"More than to normal munitions."

"How much is that?"

"Enough that they can harm us."

"If I went up against one of you with the hammer, how likely is it that I would die?"

"Depends on the Shadow."

"Can I learn to tell how strong a Shadow is without first engaging it in combat somehow?"

"Yes. But this is growing off-topic. Stalling."

"It matters to what magic artifact I choose. The 'dance' option--how far does that extend? The only combat options are armed combat, could I, say, take capoeira as a dance?"

"Yes."

"Is the magic hammer weightless to other people, if they try to wield it?"

"No."

"If I choose to take a form of armed combat, am I limited to forms that other people actually practice or could I use it to be really really good with one of the magic weapons?"

"You are limited to an existing form."

"Can I choose one option multiple times, insofar as it is possible to meaningfully do so? Learn more than one style of dance or find more than one magic artifact?"

"No."

Dammit. Tome or hammer, tome or hammer, she needs time to decide--

"What are the customizeable options for the Fool card?" Because she is never, ever picking that one no matter what, so she can have some time to think while the thing talks.

The shadow drones on, listing options she doesn't care about.