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walked both sides of every street
Princess Aspexia Iomedae lands on some confused Heralds
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It's raining in Haven. As a result, the Palace grounds are nearly deserted. The Companions' Field is soggy and the Companions themselves are mostly enjoying the nice cozy stables. The few people braving the early autumn downpour have their heads tucked in against their chests and hoods pulled over their faces.

Herald-Mage Savil Ashkevron, having just finished some mage-work in one of the outlying Palace buildings, is riding hunched over Kellan's neck, cheating a little bit with a mage-barrier to keep the rain off her head and a little heat-spell.

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Pexa is not allowed in the Work Rooms because they are VERY DANGEROUS and she is not allowed in the streets because she will get LOST and everybody will be WORRIED but she is chasing a cat, which they will surely understand is a good reason. 

There is an explosion.

Pexa wears a special necklace her daddy made and she is uninjured but she is ....not in the same place as before.  And she does not see the cat.

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She is not! She’s on a very wet muddy path beside a very wet field. There are some slightly flooded-looking flowerbeds, and beyond that some low stone buildings.  

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She should NOT bite her emergency ring unless it is a REAL EMERGENCY and not being able to find the cat is NOT a REAL EMERGENCY and her daddy will come running but he'll be very sad and disappointed. 

 

She does not bite her emergency ring because of it not being a REAL EMERGENCY. 

She walks off towards the buildings because she wants to tell her nursemaids that there was an EXPLOSION and now she can't find the cat.

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And suddenly someone riding a big white horse - not Vanyel’s talking horse, this one is bigger and probably a boy horse - is galloping around the corner toward her! Mud flies everywhere.

...Savil leans forward, what was that - some sort of magic but she didn’t recognize it at all...?

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That's so much mud!  She will be declared VERY MESSY and BATHED and it wasn't even her fault. 

 

 

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At the site of the flash of magic there's a girl of maybe three, wearing very fancy clothing for warmer weather than there is, and wearing - three different incredible, unfamiliar magic artifacts, a ring and a necklace and a bracelet, each of them individually a candidate for the most impressive magic work Savil would have ever seen. 

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Kellan plants his hooves and skids to a stop well short of where the little girl is, and Savil - sits there for a moment, blinking.

:Kellan, can you -: Tell Taver, she means to finish, but she doesn't have to.

     :On it. You should - hmm, probably try not to scare her:

Great, now he's distracted talking to Taver and Savil does NOT know how to tell by looking whether a tiny child is scared. She sighs and eases herself down from Kellan's back, wincing; her hips always bother her in this sort of weather.

"Hello?" she says. "Er, are you lost?"

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Pexa speaks Taldane and Celestial and in principle she has heard a fair bit of Valdemaran but she would not be accurately characterized as speaking it. She looks confusedly up at the woman. 

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The girl isn't Gifted, Savil thinks - at that age you generally can't even check for potential yet - but her mind...has the look of one that's interacted with Mindspeech before, it's hard to characterize more precisely but it's familiar.

She's a strong enough Mindspeaker that this should work.

:Do you understand this?: she tries.

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People Mindspeak Pexa all the time. Her daddy does it and his guards do it and Vanyel does it and Yfandes does it. :Yes!: she thinks back at Savil cheerfully. 

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:Er, where are you from - are you lost...?: Savil is SO CONFUSED but at least the little girl isn't wailing, that would make things much worse.

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:I'm from Cheliax. Are we not in Cheliax. Are we in Valdemar?: She is guessing this because of the white horse. She has only met one great white horse like that, Yfandes, who is from Valdemar.

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:Y...es, this is Valdemar: How in all hells has the girl heard of it when Savil has never in her life heard of anywhere called 'Cheliax'.

- Either way this should probably be sorted out somewhere other than standing in the rain. :Are you cold?: Savil asks. :We'd better get you inside:

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:I'm MESSY and must be BATHED.:

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:It...does look like it, doesn't it: There are multiple reasons Savil never had children and she has no idea what to do about bathing one. :...Well, I'll bring you in near the women's bathhouse and we can see about that: Maybe someone can rescue her. She tries to remember if Sandra had younger siblings...

:Sandra?:

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A teenage girl reading a book in her bedroom jumps. :What? I thought our lesson wasn't until later:

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:Need your help. We have a mysterious lost child and among other things she needs a bath:

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Ugh why is she being dragged in for THAT of all things. :Is Van free?:

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:I don't think I should get Van to bathe the toddler:

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:Why not? ...All right, fine, I'm coming:

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Savil sighs heavily. :It's this way: she says to the little girl. :Er, a bit of a walk. Would you like to ride up on Kellan?: One of the few things she recalls about children is that her nieces and nephews adored her Companion when she visited that one time.

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:Yeah! Is he your -: She has forgotten the word for Companion so she sends the general concept of Yfandes.

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:- Huh. He's my Companion, yes. You've heard of Companions?: Also that particular Companion-concept was bizarrely familiar but Savil is already overwhelmed with bizarre observations and doesn't make anything of it. She gingerly picks up the child and hefts her up into the saddle, and then starts walking, one hand on the pommel to avoid slipping.

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Pexa bounces on Kellen and says "hi!" to him in Taldane and plays with her EMERGENCY ring which she is NOT going to bite because it is NOT an emergency.

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They reach one of the stone buildings and Savil scoops the little girl down. :...Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't think to introduce myself. I'm Savil. What's your name?:

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Introductions! "I am Princess Dierne Aspexia Iomedae," she says very seriously, in Taldane.

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Wow that's a mouthful. Savil is also not quite sure which parts of it are, per se, her name. She repeats the whole string carefully while she ushers the girl inside.

:Is there, er, something shorter people call you usually:

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:Pexa!:

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Oh, phew, that's much better. :Well, Pexa, it's lovely to meet you. Bath is this way: And to someone else: :Sandra where ARE you:

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Mental grumble. :Nearly there:

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Savil is competent to get hot water into the copper bathtub, at least. Do children this age need an adult to undress them? She isn't sure.

:Pexa, do you - know where your parents are?: This is arguably the first question she should have asked, really. She's not any good at this.

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:They're WORKING and I SHOULDN'T USE THE EMERGENCY RING if it's NOT A REAL EMERGENCY, it's REALLY IMPORTANT.: She gamely attempts to undress herself but she's not very good at it. 

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:It's - no, I suppose it's not an emergency. We'll just need to, er, find a way of telling them you're safe. Where do they work?: She tries to get a closer peek at what she assumes is the ring in question with mage-sight.

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Sandra arrives, does her own double-take at the absurdly powerful magical artifacts, and then rescues Savil and undresses the small child in order to plunk her into the bath. Probably the magic jewelry is fine to stay on her.

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The ring is incredibly complicated but is at least recognizably made by a Velgarth mage, unlike the necklace, done with some technique that's utterly unfamiliar and looks like it might be made of inherently magic material or something. Pressure on the ring looks like it would trigger an alarm of some kind and also a very aggressive physical shield of some kind and also something else that's hard to determine by inspection.

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Savil is really unsure what to do so she sits and watches while Sandra deals with bathing the mysterious small child and then does her best to dry her wet clothes with magic, since they don't have anything else on hand that will fit her.

     :Answered any of your questions?: Kellan asks eventually. :Lancir wants to know if this is urgent enough that he should come over himself:

Savil has no idea. :Why don't I just take her to my suite for now and get us some lunch, and then I'll ask her some more questions:

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Sandra, who is in fact used to younger siblings, patiently gets Pexa - what nationality is that name, anyway, it's very unfamiliar-sounding - dressed back in her dry albeit slightly rumpled fancy clothes, and then leads her down the hall to the suite she shares with her teacher and shows her to the sofa.

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Savil sits as well.

:I think you're quite lost: she says. :You don't seem to speak Valdemaran, even. Do you know how you got to be here?:

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:I was chasing a cat and then there was a REALLY BIG EXPLOSION.:

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- That's a bit alarming. :Are you, er, hurt anywhere?:

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:Noooooooo. My daddy shields me and my amulet shields me and probably if they were not good at it Iomedae would shield me. Cause I'm named after Her.:

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:I see: She doesn't. At all. :Can you tell me who your daddy is? Is he a powerful mage?:

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:He's the King of Cheliax! He's the bestest mage and Aroden is also him, and a god, and Ma'ar is also him, and a kid, and Tadesse's also him, and sad.:

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Savil blinks helplessly a few times, completely unable to make sense of that. - Oh, right, little children make up things sometimes.

:Is that, er, in a pretend game he's all those people?: she asks, and immediately wants to smack herself for not thinking at ALL about tact.

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:No, Queen Carissa my mommy found Ma'ar on another planet. I don't think anyone found Aroden because He's a god and He's everywherrrrrrre.:

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...That doesn't sound less like pretend, but Savil is reluctant to upset the child any more. :So your parents are - the King and Queen? Of Cheliax? But you'd heard of Valdemar. Do you, er, know where Cheliax is on a map compared to us?:

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:You have to go through the special forever Gate in Westcrown.:

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:I - don't follow what that means, I'm sorry:

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:To get to Valdemar from the palace in Cheliax you have to go to the forever Gate in Westcrown, and then a mage makes it a Gate-y-er Gate, and then you through it, and then you're in Valdemar.:

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Savil goes very still. :It's - a permanent Gate?: She wasn't even sure those still existed, there are vague rumors the Eastern Empire has them but that could just be a myth. :I'm...still very confused, though. Do you, er, know when it was last used?:

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:No.: 

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So the thing could be centuries old and long out of use, maybe? ...It still doesn't make a lot of sense but she's grasping at straws here. :Er, Pexa, do you know anyone who say's they're from Valdemar?:

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:Van! And -: She can't quite say Yfandes's name but she can try to shove the concept.

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That gets her a very surprised look. :- What, really, you remember Vanyel? And Yfandes?: Savil feels like she was maybe just barely starting to make sense of this and now she's lost her footing again and it's deeply unfair. She wants a drink.

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:Van's nice! Is he here? Can he play with me?:

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Savil doesn't answer right away.

:It's, er. Complicated. He's - around, yes, but... I think we're - not on the same page about something, here...: This isn't the most coherent answer, especially not for a three-year-old to parse. Savil shakes herself a bit.

:He's busy right now anyway. I'm going to, er, ask a friend of mine to come over. Are you hungry?:

And to Kellan: :I think we'd better get Lancir here:

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:I'm hungry!:

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Then food can be gotten for her! It's not as nice as the food they eat at the palace in Cheliax but it's decent.

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And ten minutes later a new man arrives. He's also old and grey-haired, and has bright blue eyes. He sits and smiles at her, and reaches to tousle her hair - really this is so he can at least try to get enough Mindspeech rapport to talk to her, his Gift is very weak and only works with people in the same room.

...He can't, but this seems very important. Important enough that Taver is boosting to talk to him, even though normally Lancir needs to be in trance to do that from a distance. Having such weak Thoughtsensing can be awfully inconvenient sometimes. :Taver: he sends. :Can you -:

He doesn't need to finish the question. Taver is a Groveborn Companion and has MANY capabilities that he mostly keeps to himself, and apparently one of them is boosting Lancir directly so he can talk to the tiny child who claims to know about Vanyel and also permanent Gates.

:Pexa, right?: he says to her. :My name is Lancir. I'm the Queens Own Herald to Queen Elspeth. Have you heard of Elspeth?:

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:No.:

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He's not very surprised but he is confused. :Do you know who the monarch is in Valdemar:

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:....no.: She is pretty sure she has been told this but she does not remember it at all.

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Well, she is a very small child. :Do you happen to know if Valdemar has a King or a Queen, in, er - when you were last told about it?:

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:Cheliax has a King and a Queen! Valdemar has Companions.:

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Well, it's not false. Lancir smiles reassuringly at her. :Yes, indeed. And you know Vanyel and Yfandes? How?:

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:They play with me!! Van is the bestest at magic.:

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...He's so confused. Vanyel is...well, he's the most powerful mage ever seen in Valdemar but describing him as the 'bestest' does not, exactly, fit.

:Did you visit him in Valdemar or does he come to, er, to Cheliax?:

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She tries to think through the question for a while and gets stuck on not being clear which places are which places.

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Lancir sighs. Move on to something else. :Savil says that your daddy is a powerful mage and he made you that ring?:

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:Yeah!:

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:Well, good for him! It's quite an impressive working. Is there any chance you know where your daddy grew up and what school he studied at?: Lancir isn't expecting much, here, but it's possible the answer will be somewhere in Rethwellan, which he might even have heard of.

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She is pretty sure she doesn't know but he seems to think it's very important so she tries considering it very hard. :Urtho taught him. He'll teach me too when I'm bigger.:

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:Oh, I see: Lancir doesn't recognize the name at all. :Are both your parents mages?: It sounds like she's expecting to be one when she grows up.

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:My mommy is a wizard and that's different.:

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:Oh? What's different about it?:

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She does not come up with an answer to that.

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...Wow, attempting to interrogate small children to figure out what in all hells is going on is frustrating! Lancir smiles rather than show any of that frustration.

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:So your daddy made the ring, but what about your necklace and bracelet?: Savil asks. :Where did you get those?:

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:Urtho made my bracelet! My mommy made my necklace.:

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:Right: This doesn't really help at all! :Er, and - is Vanyel friends with your parents? If he plays with you sometimes?: This is the most inexplicable part. The rest could maaaaaybe fit, somehow.

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:Yes! He and my daddy are bestest friends.:

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:Really? Do - you have any idea how they met each other?:

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Pexa is bewildered at the idea that adults have not always known each other. :No.:

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Sigh. This isn't likely to be any more helpful, but. :What's your daddy's name:

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She knows that one! :King Leareth!:

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Savil jumps in her chair and gives Pexa a horrified and - frightened? - look. :What. Are you sure:

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Lancir doesn't look any happier!

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Pexa is upset to have done something wrong! :I'm right!:

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:We're not angry with you and we're - not saying you're lying...: Lancir says quickly. He still looks very upset.

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Pexa is wide-eyed and a bit sniffly about this. 

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Gods. She is so incredibly not equipped to soothe an upset small child while also dealing with this revelation.

:Sandra: Savil sends, half-desperately. :Can you, er, play with her or - something...?:

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Sandra was not included in the recent Mindspeech exchange and wouldn't have recognized the name 'Leareth' anyway. :Uh, sure, I'll take her out for a walk: To Pexa: :Come with me, let's go exploring:

...And she doesn't care what Savil says, Van is good with littles and she wants his help here. :Van?:

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He's in the library, and startles a bit. :- Sandra? What is it:

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:Come back to your room, I'm supposed to entertain a sad little girl and I think you should play the lute for her:

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...None of that makes any sense but he's hiding not doing anything useful and it would be embarrassing to say he can't play music for a child because he's having a bad day. :Er. All right. I'm coming:

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So this is how Sandra ends up walking Pexa up and down the hallway, 'exploring', until Vanyel - harried-looking, with dark bags under his eyes, and also mostly black-haired and clearly about eighteen - comes in at the end of the hall and stops in front of his door.

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"Heya!" He waves at the little girl and tries to smile.

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She looks so relieved and immediately flings herself at him. "Van!!! Your hair looks silly," she says in Taldane.

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Vanyel also grew up with littler siblings and was nicer to them than his brother; he obediently scoops the girl into his arms. "I didn't understand that," he says apologetically. :Sandra, what's going on?:

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:- Sorry, she doesn't speak any Valdemaran but for some reason she's used to Mindspeaking so we've been doing that. She seems to like you, anyway: Sandra feels very vindicated that Van is good with littles.

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...That's also very weird but sure, he had very bad nightmares last night and he's too bleary to argue. :I didn't understand you: he says apologetically to the child. :I can play some songs for you if you like?:

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:Yes! You should do that. There are lots of people and some of them were mad but it's not an emergency, right?:

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Vanyel blinks. :- Er, Sandra, is it an emergency?:

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:...I don't reckon it is or Savil would've said?:

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:It's not an emergency: Vanyel tells the child as soothingly as he can, boosting her up so he can hold her with one arm and unlock his door. :I need my arms back to play the lute but you can, er, sit on my bed if you like:

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:Okay!: She's kind of clinging, though. :Are my mommy and daddy busy?:

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:- Hmm? Er, sorry, I don't know. I haven't met your mommy or daddy:

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Pexa looks skeptical but does not articulate a disagreement.

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Vanyel is too tired to ask Pexa why this is so surprising. He plops her down on his bed and then gets his lute and starts playing ‘My Lady’s Eyes.’ He likes the fingerings for it. It takes him until the start of the vocal part to remember that it’s silly and embarrassing, and he turns bright red, but - well, maybe small children don’t mind? He keeps going, only audibly clearing his throat a little bit.

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Pexa is so much less scared and sniffly now and has flopped against him in contentment.

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Awww. Vanyel remains puzzled about all of this but snuggly small children are very cute.

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(Yfandes has heard some NEWS from Savil and...should probably tell her Chosen...but he’s doing okay right now and not curled up in a ball sobbing at all and someone needs to watch the little girl while things get figured out, it’s not her fault whose daughter she is. Yfandes does not interrupt just yet.)

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The adults are busy figuring out what to do, but Savil, a supposed adult, is still very much at a loss.

:...I suppose we should talk to the little girl: she admits eventually to Lancir. :We can at least - find out more about his operations that way, at least:

Pexa being Leareth’s daughter and also a princess doesn’t...exactly...explain all the baffling parts here, like how supposedly her daddy and Vanyel are “bestest” “friends”, but at least it’s a thread she can grasp at.

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- Vanyel abruptly sets down his lute. :Savil wants to ask you some more things, all right?: 

(And Yfandes is being infuriatingly cagey and thoughtful in the back of his mind, but Vanyel’s head hurts from lack of sleep and he’s thirty seconds of tactless conversation away from running out of the room in tears and he is not. in the mood. to ask.)

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Pexa has been singing along to Vanyel's songs, not very well. :Okay!:

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So Vanyel puts away his lute and takes her hand and leads her down the hallway to Savil’s suite.

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Savil and Lancir are there, not looking as upset anymore, but very serious.

:Pexa: Lancir says to her, solemnly. :This is very important. Can you tell us where your daddy lives?:

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:Cheliax! In the palace.:

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Maybe 'Cheliax' is what Leareth calls his...kingdom, whatever it is, where-ever it is. :Is Cheliax in the north?:

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:...yes,: she declares, but not with the air of someone who has any idea what she is talking about.

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...Well, she is very small, small children are probably always like that. :Can you tell me what living in the palace is like?:

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:I have a cat named White and I live with my daddy King Leareth and my mommy Queen Carissa and Ma'ar and ...lots of people. Tadesse and Ekunde and Ayodele. And Van. And my nanny Tia and my nanny Sefina.:

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Lancir blinks. Absorbs that for a moment, turns seriously to his paper and writes some notes. He can ask about Vanyel in a moment. :Who is Ma'ar?:

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:Ma'ar is a Leareth like my daddy but he's a little one not a big one. My mommy found him and had me.:

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- Lancir's brain skids over this for a moment and then he decides that the simplest interpretation here is the little girl having some very odd imaginary friends. He won't press her on it. (He does write down exactly what she said anyway.) :Right. I see. And your mother is called Carissa and she is a 'wizard', yes, which is different from a mage? What sorts of magic can she do?:

Maybe 'wizard' is some confusing local dialect for a different Gift? He has the vague feeling that he's trying too hard to make sense of this, but what is he supposed to do, not try to make sense of it?

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:She made my necklace! And she can do wizard magic.:

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Savil has already examined the necklace and told him she can't make heads or tails of it; she's far ahead of Lancir as a mage and he won't get any further with it.

:I see. Any chance you could give us an example of wizard magic that, er, that mages can't do?:

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:I don't know.:

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Sigh. :That's all right. Does your daddy have an army?:

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Her daddy has ALL the THINGS. :Yeah.:

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:Do you know anything about what he's planning to do with it?:

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:...magic?:

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:I mean in what country:

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:...Cheliax.:

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Of course Leareth might not tell his toddler anything - in fact, it would be stupid to - but Lancir asks anyway. :You haven't heard anything about him planning an invasion?:

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:Noo-ooo.:

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Sigh. :Do you know how many mages work for him:

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:Lots!:

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Unsurprising and unhelpful!

Lancir tries and fails to think of any more questions. He sighs. "Van, would you mind, er, entertaining her for a few more candlemarks here while we talk?"

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Yfandes still isn't telling him ANYTHING and at this point it's getting frustrating, but Vanyel shrugs and nods. "Sure, I'll go get my lute." :Pexa, I'll be right back, all right?:

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:Okay. ....is it still not an emergency?:

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Vanyel no longer has any idea what's going on. :No, it's not an emergency: he says, as reassuringly as he can manage.

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:Okay.:

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Presumably Savil will tell him if she needs help with something. Or Yfandes will reveal what she's being all worried about in the back of his mind. In the meantime, he's not going to insert himself into whatever-it-is.

Vanyel goes back to his room, fetches his lute, and returns to start playing songs for Pexa again.

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Savil and Lancir go off to Savil's bedroom to discuss.

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Savil shoots a look after them. He...vaguely remembers that maybe they had some sort of commitment tonight? ...Nevermind. Too tired to worry about that. He will launch into the Windrider Cycle instead.

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Pexa snuggles up at his feet and sings along very badly and twiddles with, but does not bite, her emergency ring.

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Maybe a candlemark later, there's a sudden knock on the door. And then Lissa's voice.

...Damn it, right, that's what he forgot. Lissa and her new friend.

Vanyel jumps, and then forces himself to take a deep breath and smile reassuringly at Pexa as he sets down his lute. "Er, one moment..."

:Savil? Lissa's here:

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In the bedroom, he hears Savil swear suddenly, and then she's up and opening the door. "I'm coming!" She looks annoyed with herself as she heads to unbolt and open the door. "I'm sorry, Lissa, I completely forgot..." 

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"Should we come back tomorrow?" a woman's voice says.

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- and Pexa, who has been slumped gloomily on the floor, jumps to her feet and dashes to the door. "Mommy!"

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Carissa does not scoop her. The kid collides with her legs. She looks down at her, utterly baffled. "Sorry, no, I'm someone else," she says in Valdemaran.

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"I missed you SO MUCH," the kid is declaring in Taldane. "I don't LIKE it here and I WANT TO GO HOME."

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She's speaking what.

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"You're - Lissa's friend -" Savil breaks off. Spins around. :Lancir, we have a -:

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:Yes. I heard it: Another older man in Whites ducks out of one of the bedrooms. He addresses the little girl in Mindspeech. :Pexa, this is your...mother...? Who is married to Leareth?:

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:Yes!: She's clinging happily to her mommy's legs and explaining about the explosion and the cat.

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For a moment all he can do is stand on the spot, making eye contact with Savil, frozen.

:...Invite her in and lock the door: he manages finally.

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:Er, yes, of course: Savil takes the new arrival by the arm and pulls her into the room and bolts the door behind her.

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Carissa takes a second to process this because she is so distracted by the fact she is being hugged by a Taldane-speaking child who insists Carissa is her mother. Only a second, though, then she flinches. 

"- I have never met this kid in my life," she says, "I don't know what's going on here, but -"

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"Mommy pick me UP!"

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"I am not your mother," she snaps in Taldane.

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- Pexa bursts into tears.

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...All right, fine, if this is a bluff it's a clever one, but now there's a wailing child in front of her, which is exactly what Savil DIDN'T want, and she's so incredibly confused.

:Van can you -:

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Vanyel still has no idea at all what's happening, though Yfandes is suddenly feeling very antsy in the back of his head, but he reaches in and scoops Pexa up again. :I, er, why don't we go sit in the bedroom again and I'll play a song for you...?:

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:Savil, shields:

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She can do shields, if he's going to do the talking; she's very happy with this division of labor.

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Lissa, who followed Carissa in, is staring around in bafflement.

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Pexa is resisting Van. "I want my mommy. I want my mommy." 

And she bites her ring, and suddenly she's - shielded so thoroughly no one can get within a foot of her physically or with magic, and also there's an alarm -

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"- I don't have kids," she says to Liss. "I'd think I'd know. Your friends can, uh, do a truth spell about it, if they'd like."

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Vanyel jumps back, knocked away by the sudden shields - so that's what the ring does - and staggers into the wall.

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Huh, she at least seems to speak Valdemaran. :Savil. Make sure she doesn't leave:

And he fixes his eyes on Carissa. :Do you know a man called Leareth:

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Well, shit. 

"...no?" she says, going for vaguely bewildered but less affronted by this than by the kid - but they have mindreaders - and she calls an invisible needle to her hand and tries to Teleport.

 

It's instantly visible to mage-sight, something very very powerful and very very intricate, blossoming at her fingertips, a second from snapping complete around her.

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Savil has been a Herald-Mage for more than forty years and her reflexes are correspondingly well-honed, and she's very much on edge. She instinctively rips at the forming spell - and then wrenches it away from the stranger and shoves up a shield because, on reflection, it seems like the sort of thing that might explode when broken -

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It does do that, at least if you break it like that! It blasts at her shield.

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Savil manages to hold off the explosion, just barely, but the force of it knocks her over and she lands hard on her bottom on the rug.

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It's been a long time since Lancir was last in combat of any kind, but he still has the reflexes. His eyes fly around the room. Savil: distracted, hopefully not injured, but not callable on right now. The child: safe, for the moment, if inexplicably so - is that shield Leareth's work, it's - terrifyingly good...

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Lissa: diving forward to shield Carissa with her own body, clearly not processing anything about the situation yet except for EXPLOSION.

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Vanyel: straightening up from the wall, blinking, disoriented, with the glazed look of someone receiving rapid Mindspeech from their Companion.

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Good. He has enough rapport with Van.

:Second-stage Truth spell: he barks. :Now. ...And shield the door:

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Vanyel feels like he's either about to throw up or pass out; Yfandes' voice cuts off in his head in response to the command, but until that second she was busy very very quickly catching up the fact that the child he's been babysitting is Leareth's toddler. What. How. Why.

- One thing at a time. What first. Shields. He can fling up an absurdly overpowered shield over the door, just from reserves, that takes half a second - he's had practice - and then he grits his teeth and concentrates and summons the little rhyme for the vrondi.

The blue halo settles over Carissa's hair. (Leareth's...wife...? Nevermind he is not going to try to work through that just yet.)

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"Van, wha...?"

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It's been a couple of seconds. Everything seems to have slowed down.

"Tell me why you came here," Lancir barks at the terrified woman - who is currently being protected by Vanyel's sister - what is going on ...?

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Carissa collapses tremblingly to the ground mostly for cover to fish the item Leareth gave her out of her pocket and snap it. While she's doing that she's - talking, which she didn't mean to, she was planning to act too distressed -

"To meet Savil for dinner."

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Savil, just starting to recover, clearly senses the powerful discharge of magic. :Lance -:

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:Not now:

"Do you know Leareth. How did you meet him."

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Their magic is doing something to her and she fights for - "Leareth the guy who recruits mercenaries in Ruvan? I wouldn't say I know him well but we've met? I think one of his staffers introduced me."

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Well, obviously anyone who worked for Leareth would be very good at evading Truth Spell. "Are you married to Leareth."

:Savil, check her for any mind-affecting magic...:

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Savil drags herself up, wincing, and forges across the room, mage-sight fully open, searching - are there any compulsions on the woman's mind...?

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"Am I what?? No!! Absolutely not!"

 

There is definitely a compulsion there, fairly complicated and elaborate.

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Savil is not, exactly, good at this, but she reaches for the woman - half-falling on top of her and Lissa in the process, she's still dizzy from being thrown into the wall while trying to shield whatever-exploded - and snaps the compulsion. It'll give the woman a headache, probably, but shouldn't cause any long term damage.

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"What did Leareth send you here for," Lancir snaps at her. (It's a gamble, she might in fact be nothing but a mercenary, but...the child knows her...nothing makes any sense...)

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"Decide if I - wanted to work for him. If he was lying about everything."

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Lissa is scrambling to sit up, her arms still protectively around Carissa. "Savil, what is going on -"

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"What work does he want you to do for him."

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"Enchanting magic items and reinventing Golarion spells."

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"...I, what - what are Golarion spells."

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"The kind of magic I know how to do. Magic as practiced in Golarion, where I am from."

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Lissa is still holding tightly onto Carissa. She whispers in her ear. "Do you - can you please tell me if you have any idea what's going on?"

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"I swear, I don't know who the kid is, I haven't done anything - they're mad at me, maybe because they have some grievance with Leareth? He's the kind of guy who might pick up grievances but I don't even work for him -"

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"Who is-" Lissa cuts herself off. Maybe this is the sort of situation that she had better stay out of. Except for making sure that anyone who wants to hurt Carissa has to get through her first.

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"Where is Golarion."

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"I don't know where it is relative to here, I was sent to this continent as a prisoner after I got in over my head in some stuff."

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"Are you Leareth's prisoner."

It...doesn't seem totally out of character for a foreign mage-warlord to keep someone prisoner and have a child with them. Though that still far from explains everything and Taver is hovering cryptically and not-saying something and Lancir just wants the world to make sense again.

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"I - don't think Leareth would..."

Vanyel trails off. There's probably nothing at all he can say, right now, that will make the situation better rather than worse. He's so confused.

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Pexa is sobbing on the ground, saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry I thought it was an emergency please come daddy".

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It's very distracting and she has a headache from the spell snapping. "I'm here and Leareth is somewhere very far away I don't know where," she points out. "I don't think i'm very his prisoner. I, uh, was?"

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"Did he send you to kill Vanyel."

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"What?"

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"...What - ?"

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:Van can you PLEASE do something about the screaming child -:

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"What? Of course not! Why would I want to do that. Also if I wanted to do that I'd have done it last night - I mean, I don't have the means, and I don't have a reason, and I didn't even consider it, but if I were, instead of being me with all my reasons not to do that, an assassin, then I would've done it last night - I don't think Leareth wants Vanyel dead -"

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For some reason that's the thing that puts Lancir the most off-balance. "...Why not? Why would Leareth not want Vanyel dead."

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(Vanyel is NOT SAYING ANYTHING and it feels to him at least that this is probably very conspicuous, but everyone else is so distracted. He ignores Savil asking him to do something about Pexa, what's he supposed to do, also he's busy shielding the door.)

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"I think Leareth doesn't like killing people," Carissa says. "Or torturing them. Even when they're defying him on purpose."

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"Don't - most people who aren't literally insane - not like torturing people?" Lancir says blankly. This is probably not a helpful question but he's at a loss for what would be.

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"I mean I think it's popular to hire out?" 

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Hire out to who, Lancir is thinking but doesn't say.

He takes a deep breath. "When is Leareth planning to invade Valdemar."

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"I don't know if he is going to do that."

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"What has he said to you about it."

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(aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah)

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"Said he wants to come up with something else."

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Lancir blinks again. Lifts a hand to rub his chin.

"...Why does he want to invade Valdemar? What's his, er, objective?"

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Carissa bites her tongue, hard, and then answers anyway, a bit garbled because she's also stuffing her hand over her mouth.

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"Say that again clearly, please."

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(Vanyel is involuntarily leaning forward, and also sort of crying at the same time.)

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Apparently 'please' was... literally just a request she is still physically capable of ignoring and keeping her hand in her mouth. And not swallowing any of the blood.

"Wansapplmillnbillgd."

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...All right, that is VERY CLEARLY deliberate evasion.

Lancir crosses the room to her and grabs both of her wrists, wrenching her hand out of her mouth. "Tell me. What Leareth's objective is."

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Lissa is so confused and upset and scared! "Lancir wha -"

He shushes her with a look.

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"He needs to kill a lot of people to build a better god."

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"What. How. How does that work."

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"Wh..." Vanyel does not quite manage to actually say a word.

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"You don't have an afterlife. You're just - gone - like you're asleep forever - all of you -"

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This gets a baffled look. Lancir's mouth moves, opens, closes -

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And then a glowing rectangle opens in the air directly in front of Carissa.

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And Nayoki shoves her head through and starts set-commanding anyone wearing Whites and within her field of vision to STAY STILL.

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:Carissa come through right now you have five seconds - what is happening -:

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:I have no idea but you should get the kid too - kid -: She runs through.

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Pexa is curled up sobbing on the ground and is being slow to react to the presence of a glowing rectangle. When Carissa moves she toddles to her feet and tries to follow.

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Fortunately Leareth is not slow to react to anything. :Nayoki get the kid -:

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Why is her day going like this.

:CROSS THE GATE: Nayoki shoves at the (adorable) little girl's mind - she can undo it in a moment -

- She sees a man raising his hand -

:STOP:

- a woman -

:STOP:

...

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Leareth is the one holding the Gate (he's the only one in his organization and probably the only one in the world who can Gate to an artifact he has a search-spell anchored on). Which is kind of a large risk to be taking, but he's not kidding about the five seconds.

He waits.

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The sobbing kid crosses the Gate. And sees him. And flings herself tearfully at him. "Daddy I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry," she says in Taldane. She is very obviously in a force field that's not going to let her get near him.

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Carissa collapses on the other side of the Gate and tries to hold still because she's pretty sure that no matter how tolerant of bad behavior Leareth is, he's going to, at present, be twitchy.

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Leareth - holds himself still very deliberately and does not react aggressively to the small child flinging herself at him.

Carissa: check. Kid: check.

The Gate snaps down.

:Are you hurt: Leareth barks to Carissa, who is very considerately holding still so he can orient.

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:Leareth should I -:

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Leareth already has both new arrivals pinned within a shield-barrier but why not. :Yes:

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:Stay where you are: Nayoki commands both of them.

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The tiny child's sobbing intensifies.

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I'm not hurt, Carissa thinks dimly at Leareth. They know about the god. They asked. With magic. In most circumstances she'd try to hide it, since he'll be scared and furious, but the tiny fraction of her brain still running thinks that with Leareth it'll be better not to make him waste time.

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Leareth is of course reading her mind right now and yes this reasoning process is correct and so he doesn't comment on it.

:What happened:

 

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:Explored. Eavesdropped. Made friends with - hooked up with - Van's sister. She wasn't suspicious, I read her mind. She took me to dinner with her aunt Savil and Van. The kid was there. Jumped on me. Said - in Taldane - "mommy! mommy I want to go home" They - inferred from this that I worked for you. Asked if we were married. I've never met the kid. They - exploded the teleport, did a compulsion, undid yours, asked - where you were, what you wanted, when you were going to invade Valdemar, what your objective was in invading.:

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:I see. Thank you:

Leareth looks down, at the small child. He - can't get through the mage-barrier around her. It's a very good mage-barrier. It looks like - his own work...

...better than his own work, in fact, it looks exactly like his own work except with another decade's progress...

And, whether or not it looks like a spell he cast, he can't take it down.

:Relax: he tells the little girl who keeps trying to run at him and failing. :You are safe. ...Can you tell me what just befell you?:

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:I thought it was a real emergency I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry:

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:...You need not be sorry: Leareth says, half on automatic. :What did you think was an emergency?:

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:Mommy said she's not my mommy and she doesn't love me!:

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:- Who is your mommy?:

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Pexa thinks he is being VERY DENSE. Her mommy is right here. Kneeling on the floor and bleeding from the mouth, which causes Pexa to burst into tears again but at least her daddy is right here and can fix it.

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Leareth is, of course, reading the child's mind, she's very easy to read despite her highly impressive shields.

...He can't instantaneously remedy Carissa's bleeding, actually, but he's already summoned a Healer to the room, who arrives ten seconds later and, after a glance at Leareth, tries to rest her hand on Carissa's shoulder.

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Pexa thinks that actually he can instantly remedy Queen Carissa bleeding but maybe he had to do it too many times today already and so did Queen Carissa? Pexa is more distressed that he cannot hug her even while she is shielded by her emergency ring, usually he can do that and he is the ONLY ONE who can and she would really like a hug. People were yelling earlier and there was an explosion and a man attacked her mommy and it was very scary and she bit the emergency ring and he DIDN'T COME and she thought that he was mad at her for biting it when there wasn't a real emergency and so he was never ever ever going to come again. But if it was a real emergency and she is not in trouble then she should get a hug.

 

She collapses on the floor to cry about this.

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Carissa is unable to move, which makes resting a hand on her shoulder easy. She's uninjured except that she bit her tongue very hard and it's bleeding and she's too set-commanded to do much about this.

She's very very scared. 

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:- What do you know about the little girl?: Leareth asks Carissa in Mindspeech.

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:She's speaking Taldane and she thinks I'm her mom. I'm not her mom.:

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:I - gathered that - since she seems to think I am her father and - I am really definitely not...?: Leareth takes a breath. :Did the Heralds get enough from you that they will be able to come after us here:

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:Didn't give them a location. They could do the hair thing, maybe, if they got a hair. My suitcase is still at Liss's place.:

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Nod. :I - do not think the Heralds know that particular search spell anyway. You did as well as you could and I am not upset or angry with you - I am just - very confused...:

Leareth fixes his attention on the artifact-shield over the small child, the one that looks vaguely like it's his work, trying to gauge how long it'll last by itself and whether he can bring it down early or work around it.

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It looks like it only has a couple more minutes in it. He could try to hammer it with enough force to bring down early but that'd be hard to calibrate, and - it looks like there's also something Aspexia could do on her end, to.... (no one else in the world would stand a chance at understanding this artifact), oh, she could retract the physical shield a bit and then hold out the ring to him and then he could put pressure on the spell in the right place...

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The little girl is currently wailing on the floor, which makes this difficult, but there's not much else Leareth can do in this moment.

He kneels in front of her. Extends his hand. :Hold out your ring toward me?: he offers.

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She does this.

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...The spell looks so familiar.

Leareth reaches out with his mage-gift and tries to press against it in just the right place - the trigger-point he would have put there, to shut it down...

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It stops.

 

 

The toddler flops into his arms and clings and sobs even more intensely. 

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- Leareth will hug the toddler back. It seems like the best way to make her be QUIET.

:- We need to evacuate this base: he sends a moment later, to Carissa and Nayoki and his other mages. :Just in case I am wrong and the Heralds do have a way of following us. ...Carissa, you need not do anything, I am just alerting you:

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Nayoki nods and then turns to Mindspeak orders to his other staff.

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Carissa cannot do anything because she's set-commanded.

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The tiny child retreats from full on yelling to quiet hiccuping sobs and clings very clingily. Her thoughts are mostly about how she wants her daddy King Leareth to take her back to her playroom and explain everything so it's not scary.

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:Everything is all right: Leareth tells the toddler who inexplicably thinks that...he's her father -? :You are not in any danger and I am not angry with you:

People move around him. He snaps out occasional extra Mindspeech orders to Nayoki.

:- Oh. Carissa, what should we grab from your room, if we are evacuating...?:

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:You had copies of my notes. I have a basket with notes and in-progress projects, on my desk.: Her knees are starting to hurt because she can't shift her weight at all to relieve them but this actually feels appropriate, somehow, in an odd sense safer than it'd feel to be free to go. She's still very scared but it's not attached to any specific predictions; if he doesn't think she could've done much better then it still doesn't make sense to kill her, and...she also doesn't think she could've done much better. How could she have predicted this.

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:Thank you: And since it would seem especially bad for the Heralds to obtain Carissa's notes, not that Leareth thinks it's likely they'll be able to find this base at all but still, he orders that her desk be cleared and moved out along with all the other sensitive work in progress.

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And less than five minutes later there's a Gate, glowing not far away, and Nayoki is taking Carissa's hand.

:Come with me: she sends - it's not quite undoing the set-command but it routes around it somehow, and Carissa will find herself able to obey.

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She walks through the Gate.

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There's a blur of movement on either side of her, and then eventually Nayoki's eyes staring into hers, her hands on Carissa's shoulders.

:Clear: she tells Leareth.

A moment later, to Carissa, :I am going to take off the set-command now:

This takes substantially longer than it took to place it, and feels very weird, but eventually Carissa's vision stops trying to show the corners of everything melting, and she finds herself in a different underground stone chamber, this one quite big with a higher, echoing ceiling.

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Leareth leans against the wall, shooting occasional Mindspeech directions to his staff as they carry boxes of evacuated supplies to new storage locations, and hugs the little girl still in his arms.

He's so confused.

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Well. She's picked her side, now. She tries to - control her expectations. Obviously there won't be an excursion like that again. That's fine. She doesn't need that. Probably Leareth will be some odd Leareth-emotion, instead of angry, but if he is angry, he still won't kill her. She's not very sure what he might do instead. She hasn't seen him angry and that's itself a bit scary now that she thinks about it. 

"Thank you," she says to Nayoki.

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Pexa's daddy came and so now everything is okay. She hugs him a lot and waits for him to explain what's going on.

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Leareth is reading both of their minds, right now, and - he really wishes he could reassure the child, and reassure Carissa though he's much less sure that's even possible.

He's suddenly very tired. :We should be safe here no matter what resources they have: he tells Carissa, and then slides down and sits against the wall beside her, the child still in his arms. :I - wish I understood what is happening here... I do not, at all:

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:I don't either. I - she speaks Taldane -: 

"What's your name?" she asks the kid.

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Her mommy is being very silly. "Princess Dierne Aspexia Iomedae."

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" - princess of what."

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"Cheliax."

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"Oh.

 

 

Who's in charge of Cheliax."

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"You! And my daddy King Leareth."

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"What - year. Is it."

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Pexa does not know this! "Where's White, I want White."

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"Who's White."

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"My cat!"

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"...not here right now."

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Leareth doesn't speak Taldane.

:Do you know how your mommy and daddy came to be the rulers of Cheliax?: he asks the child in his arms.

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:There were mean people in charge of Cheliax so my daddy and Aroden, who is also a my daddy, fought them. And they won, because they are the bestest.:

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Leareth turns to look at Carissa, wondering if she's as baffled as he is. He includes her in his Mindspeech answer. :What do you mean, Aroden is also your daddy. ...Also, is Aroden not dead:

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:There are lots of my daddy. Ma'ar is also a my daddy and Tadesse is also a my daddy.:

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What.

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:...I see: Leareth manages finally, long seconds later.

(He really, really doesn't.) 

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Of course he does, he's very smart and knows all this already. :I want to go home.:

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:I know: Leareth tells her. This is not even technically a lie.

He takes a deep breath. :Carissa. Did...you know. What she said, about Aroden...? She mentioned Ma'ar. That - that was my first name. The one my mother gave me, in my first life:

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:Aroden's the god who died a hundred years ago. He's  - definitely dead - his clerics stopped getting spells and everything. The paladins of Iomedae thought so too and Iomedae was His closest ally.:

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:Yes. I thought I was recalling the name correctly...:

Leareth tries to look into the toddler's eyes. :Do you know if people in Cheliax thought that Aroden was dead, at one point?:

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:Aroden is a god, so he lives in Axls where dead people go, but He is watching over us and keeping us safe.:

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:Of course. ...Is there any chance that you know what year it is, currently, in Cheliax:

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Pexa continues to have no idea what year it is. She sits herself on Leareth's lap and flops against his chest.

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If he tries to put her down she’s probably going to start crying again. Instead he - pats her, tentatively.

:...Are your mommy and daddy friends with kings or queens of other countries?: he finally thinks to ask, though this will only be informative at all if Carissa also recognizes the names.

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:My daddy is friends with the pharaoh of Sirion.: Pexa is not sure why her daddy is asking her questions about himself but maybe it is a game.

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:Mmmhmm. Can you tell me his name?: Poor kid. Leareth feels strongly like he’s  LYING to her, which seems unfair, but the truth is...probably too weird for her to actually follow, as well as upsetting. And it’s not as though Leareth himself knows what’s happening or why, to explain to her.

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Shrug.

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And now he's out of ideas again. Leareth closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall, listening to the sound of footsteps and hastily-evacuated crates of supplies being dragged into temporary new locations.

He gathers his thoughts. This...doesn't help that much.

:...Vanyel was there?: he sends finally to Carissa. :Would he have heard them questioning you and your answers?:

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:Yes.:

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He sighs. :No sign of any pursuit yet - I was not really expecting it, most likely they are still scrambling to remove set-commands from everyone Nayoki trapped. I think we should go through exactly what questions they asked you and what answers you gave, though. Second stage Truth spell, I am guessing, and they must have noticed the compulsion fighting it and known to undo it...:

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:They - snapped it, I think? My head was ringing. I... will try to remember the questions but it was hectic, do you have some way to not rely on my memory...:

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:I do not have a way to - directly replay it or anything, no, but Nayoki can read your mind and probably do better at getting everything, I can call her over:

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She is very curious what the thing Nayoki did is but she doesn't at all need to know. She nods.

 

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Nayoki arrives a minute later, sits down, and walks Carissa through what was really only a two-minute period, though it certainly felt longer. A few times it's noticeable that she's doing something in Carissa's head, making memories suddenly and vividly jump to mind, not always the right memories but she corrects herself.

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Leareth lets the toddler snuggle on his lap, eyes staring into the distance.

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"Savil and Lissa and an old man and Vanyel and the kid were there. The kid jumped on me. I was telling her I'm not her mother, and they - pulled me in and locked the door. I told them, there must be some confusion, I'm not her mother. The old man asked, do you know Leareth. I said no, and tried to activate the Teleport; Savil intervened instantly, in some fashion that exploded it, knocked her backwards, Lissa jumped to protect me, I activated the item to call you. The old man said, do you know Leareth, and this time there was mind control, so I said, Leareth who sometimes recruits mercenaries in Ruvan? I wouldn't say I know him as a person but we've met. The man said, are you married to him, I said no. The man said, are you his prisoner, I said, uh, not exactly, I'm here - I was his prisoner, though - he asked when you were invading Valdemar. I said I didn't know whether you were going to do that. He asked, um, I think he next asked whether I was sent to kill Vanyel. I said no, and if I had been I'd had a chance the night before, but I was definitely not here to do that, and I didn't think you even wanted Vanyel to die. He asked why you wouldn't want Vanyel to die. I said that you have some kind of personal preference not to kill people, or torture them, even when they're defying you. He, uh, asked whether it was true that that's a preference almost everybody has. I said I think lots of people prefer to outsource it? He asked where you were, I said I didn't know. He asked what your objective was in invading Valdemar, I bit my tongue and stuffed my hand in my mouth. He told me to repeat myself clearly but I didn't actually have to and I didn't. He jumped at me and pulled my hands clear and asked again. I told him you needed to kill a lot of people to build a god. He asked - why you'd do that, or something like that, and I said that they didn't have any afterlife and died forever when they died. They all kind of - weren't sure what to ask, at that point, and then you showed up."

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Nayoki notes some of this down. Neither she nor Leareth seem angry with Carissa, at all; Nayoki just looks stressed and Leareth seems preoccupied.

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:So I think the only significant strategic information they gained was about the god. Which is - not ideal, obviously, but it is also - less time-sensitive than it could be: Sigh. :...I suppose I am curious now to hear what you learned before this befell you. What do you think of Heralds?: A pause. :Of Vanyel:

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Objectively if she thinks about it there's no point punishing people for something they couldn't reasonably have avoided and the reason to punish them anyway is that there's also little reason not to and it's not really worth determining whether they could've reasonably avoided it or not. But Leareth already has to pay attention to this, so.

 

She stares at the wall. "If the kid told them you're her father - then the actions of the Heralds all make sense. The kid herself still does not make sense, but - they thought they had your toddler, then she declared I was her mother, so they tried to arrest me.....

 

Vanyel seems very very sad all the time and I'm not sure how you manage to have conversations with him, he didn't seem at all like he liked...talking. Liss thinks being a Herald is bad for him, and said he never wanted it. The other heralds seem...all right, I guess? In their place would have rendered me unconscious on the spot before indicating any suspicion and then searched me for the artifacts, but in their defense I think they were off duty and they can't have been expecting this and maybe they tried something and it didn't work because I'm a third-circle caster not a random person...I think you're right that people don't have any reason to believe there's an afterlife though I want to reinvent scrying and confirm it. 

 

Haven was poor. Compared to Cheliax."

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Leareth listens calmly to all of this.

"- That sounds right," he says finally. "About Vanyel, I mean. He is very sad and he did not want to be a Herald, he - was steered into it by some Power. I think he puts a great deal of effort into our conversations, but, yes, I do also have the impression he does not like it." He sighs again. "I expect I will end up speaking to him in the dream soon enough, and perhaps find out more about what happened."

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Nod. "Oh. He, uh, defended you, sort of, at one point, the old man asked if if we were married and then he asked if I was your prisoner and Vanyel was like "I don't think Leareth would -""

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Leareth blinks. "Hmm. He did not think I would what, marry my prisoner? Have a child with my prisoner?"

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"I think so? I don't know why he thought you wouldn't aside from that it'd be hard to think of a strategic justification?"

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"I am not sure either, I have not exactly tried to present him with a positive slant on myself and my actions, and I thought he was upset with me after our last conversation. We had a fight about ethics."

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"Maybe he was just referring to the thing where all your staff agrees you have no personal life. What'd you - fight about? The invading his country?"

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"I cannot think that Vanyel has much information on my personal life or lack thereof! Perhaps I somehow convey that impression in my manner, though. We fought about blood-magic - in the abstract, he was not aware of my plan. He thought that killing innocents was a line that he would never cross. I brought up some examples from one of the best-known Heraldic textbooks on ethics, to try to show that this position was not really consistent with how Heralds are willing to act in practice."

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Carissa looks like someone who has not particularly encountered the position one should be unwilling to kill innocents. "Huh."

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"Anyway. I...am really not sure what to do with the small child who thinks we are her parents. I ought really - tell her that we are not - but I expect quite a lot of wailing." Conveniently, Princess Dierne Aspexia Iomedae does not speak Valdemaran.

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"...yeah." Sigh. "I guess I'd explain to her that no one loves her and yelling will make things worse for her and she should work on being cute instead? I think she's old enough she'd better know that."

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"I am not very inclined to say that to her! ...Also I am still confused, I have been reading her mind and she is - not lying about remembering us as her parents. I - am beginning to wonder if there is more than one Golarion, somehow." He drags a hand over his face. "And if hers is - well, very very surprising and strange."

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"Even if there were more than one Golarion, you're not from Golarion."

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"- Maybe there is a different Velgarth where instead of kidnapping you and dropping you here to solve the problem, Nefreti grabbed me? ...Or maybe time travel is possible, that is also occurring to me, but that would require us - deciding to get married and conquer Cheliax together. Which I must admit was not among my top ten plans for going forward."

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"I don't know much about your capabilities here but I don't especially think you could do it, Hell has more resources than you. Also even if you did do it and were then in charge of Cheliax you'd want to marry, uh, an appropriately placed noble, not a random deserter from the army. Also if Aroden's not dead then - that's not the world I grew up in -"

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"That too. ...Also apparently Aroden is me, in her world, whatever that means! I am so incredibly confused and I dislike it."

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"I'm sorry."

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Princess Dierne Aspexia Iomedae has fallen asleep on Leareth.

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She's probably had a tiring day. Leareth will...try to get up, very cautiously, without waking her, and find an available bedroom to put her to bed in. This is not what he expected his day to look like.

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She wakes up while being put down to bed and makes a small sad sound. "I want to sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed tonight," she objects. 

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Leareth continues to not speak Taldane, but he can pick up her meaning from surface thoughts.

:It is not your mommy and daddy's bedtime yet. I can stay here until you fall asleep though.: What sorts of things do children usually do at bedtime. :I can sing you a song?: Leareth isn't an amazing singer by any stretch of the imagination but he knows some ballads.

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:I want the Windrider. And you should do magic stars on the ceiling. And you should fix my ring so I'm safe if there's another emergency.:

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:Yes, of course: Interesting that she knows the Windrider Cycle - and fortunate, it's the most popular Valdemaran song cycle and Leareth actually know a couple of the songs from it well enough to probably sing all the way through.

He makes an illusion of stars on the ceiling of the random guest bedroom, and then looks at her ring and tries to determine if it's actually fixable or if he should...what, lie to her and said he did? That seems kind of mean and unfair, but it's going to be hard to explain to her why she's safe here.

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It is fixable. She may be in the habit of activating it at least once a week.

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Leareth puts it back to the way it was, this time keying the alarm to himself - somewhat reluctantly, it's going to be very annoying if she decides that needing a glass of water in the middle of the night is an emergency, but he would, at this point, feel moderately bad if anything else happened to her.

He sits on the side of the bed and sings 'Windrider Unchained', only needing to mumble through words he can't remember on a couple of the verses.

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She falls back asleep pretty promptly.

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Leareth puts wards and a sound-barrier on the room and flees before she has a chance to wake up. He briefly scries the facility they recently evacuated - still no sign of any Heralds tracking their Gate to it - and then looks around for Carissa.

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She hasn't gone anywhere. She doesn't know where her new bedroom is and she assumes Leareth will want to replace his compulsions.

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Leareth doesn't know where he's sleeping either, yet. He's so tired.

:Well: he sends, :does this - recent adventure, update your trust in me? I think it is probably unnecessary to place a compulsion preventing you from leaving, in any case, though I would like to put back the standard secrecy one that all of my staff here have:

(He reads her mind to gauge her response to this.)

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- right, the trip was purportedly about her trusting him.

 

She - didn't get the chance to ask even half the questions she had, but -

 - I don't want everyone to die forever and I'll work with you on that. And not try things, except insofar as it'd be really useful if I had fourth-circle spells and I need to be in some danger, to get that. 

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Leareth nods, looking reluctant but thoughtful. :I will consider ways we could put you in a - calibrated amount of danger that I would find tolerable: He smiles very slightly. :Maybe I will have to send you on some other important secret mission:

He redoes the secrecy compulsion. It doesn't feel like anything, to Carissa.

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And she has no way of knowing what it does, but - well, she's picked her side. She closes her eyes. "Have I been assigned a room?"

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"We do not exactly have a system set up for assigning new rooms yet but there ought be more than enough, I can show you where."

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"Thank you." 

 

Once shown to a room she pulls her blankets over her head and gets her shivering for no reason over with and then tries to come up with a research plan and falls asleep when she's barely started.

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Leareth paces back and forth in the hall for a while, stressed and uneasy and not quite able to point it in a productive direction. Eventually he goes to bed as well.

...And, not very surprisingly, finds himself in an icy wasteland, looking out across the snow at a silver-haired man in Whites - Vanyel, as Foresight thinks he'll look in ten or twenty years.

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"What was that about."

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Vanyel takes a deep breath, and forges out of the mouth of the pass, crossing the distance between them. "No, I'm serious, I think you owe me an explanation. Did you...lose your toddler."

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Leareth takes a deep breath. "Herald Vanyel. I - will do my best to explain what I know of the situation, but I am afraid some aspects of it are just as much a mystery to myself as they are to you."

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"What. That doesn't..." Vanyel trails off. Shakes himself. "Are you seriously planning to make a god? By murdering lots of people?"

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"- It has been my front-line plan, yes, Carissa was answering the question honestly."

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"Are you actually insane."

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Leareth sighs. "Explaining my reasoning here would take a very, very long time. I - had thought to maybe tell you eventually, but there is a great deal of context I had wanted to cover first and I cannot do all of that tonight. In any case, I am hoping to find a better option, now, since Carissa brings magic from another world."

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Vanyel is clenching his hands in front of them but this doesn't quite hide the trembling. "So you're claiming she's really from another world."

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"Yes."

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"And the little girl? She was talking about somewhere called Cheliax, apparently, and permanent Gates - she kept acting like she knew me..."

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"- What?"

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"Oh, did you not get that part? She climbed right on me and wanted me to sing her songs and kept asking me where her parents were. And apparently said I was her daddy's 'bestest friend' or something."

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"Really."

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"Yes! Really! Trust me it doesn't make any more sense to me either!"

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"Well, it cannot possibly be stranger than the fact that she claims I conquered the country in Carissa's world that used to belong to the god of Hell. Or that there is - another me?? - who is a god. ...A god who died a century ago, according to Carissa."

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Vanyel just blinks helplessly at Leareth for a moment. And then sits down on his bottom in the snow. "Why does nothing make sense."

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"I know right. I keep almost wondering if I am dreaming - well, I know I am dreaming, but I would wonder if I were - dreaming having this dream, you know what I mean..."

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Vanyel tries to stifle a nervous giggle and starts coughing. "Anyway," he says when he recovers, "if you're claiming she isn't your daughter, why did you grab her?"

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"Carissa called for help and when I attempted to retrieve her, she suggested I ought to get the child as well."

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Vanyel still looks very dubious.

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"Look, I really did not have a child with my wizard prisoner from another world, and I definitely did not conquer Cheliax alongside her and then introduce our daughter to you as my 'bestest friend.'"

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Vanyel sags back against the snow. "Right. That part makes the least sense." He drops his head into both hands.

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"I ought extend an apology to the Heralds, for the set-commands."

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"Shouldn't you apologize to your prisoner for putting compulsions on her?"

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"She agreed to that for the mission. ...I will admit that prior to this I did have some that she had not agreed to in place, but - it was very fraught at first, she was still loyal to her torture god of Hell and wanted to report the existence of Velgarth to Him, which would have been very very bad."

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Vanyel lifts his head and blinks at Leareth. "You're - really not doing a good job of making this sound plausible at all."

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"I...apologize that reality is currently behaving in such implausible ways?"

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Vanyel scowls at him. "It's not funny. Everyone's so upset and mad about it, I - I don't know what they're going to do..." Vanyel thinks a moment later that possibly this isn't a thing he should be saying to Leareth, but then again, it's not like Leareth can possibly be surprised by it. "I can't believe you sent a spy to seduce my sister! Her feelings are really hurt, you know."

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"I did not instruct her to do that! She decided to on her own initiative."

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"Well, I think that at least one of you owes her an apology!"

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Leareth blinks. "I - will convey that. Though I doubt Carissa will feel bad about it at all."

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"Why are you like this."

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Leareth has no idea how to answer that, for one it's not like he made any of this happen on purpose, and also it seems like mostly a rhetorical question.

"...I would be open to communications with the Heralds," he says finally. "Since some things are much more in the open now. I am guessing you told them about our conversations?"

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"Groveborn did," Vanyel says dully. "I'd, er, already told him at the start."

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"I see."

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"Look, it's not like you told me not to, or like I'd've had any reason to listen if you did!"

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"...I am not claiming either of those things, Herald Vanyel." Leareth reminds himself that Vanyel must be incredibly overwhelmed and stressed right now.

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Vanyel doesn't answer.

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Sigh. "I am sorry for putting you through so much stress. I did not do it deliberately. Anyway, if the Heralds wish to speak with my people, they can send a diplomatic envoy north to the town of Westmark; I can keep a lookout on that area."

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"What, so you can kidnap them?" Vanyel says waspishly.

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"No. I - realize it is difficult to credibly promise that, though. I will think about what to do." They must be almost out of time in the dream.

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This is maybe a good thing, because Vanyel looks like he's on the edge of bursting into tears from sheer overwhelm.

"Did the little girl ever stop wailing," he says flatly. "Don't figure you'd like that."

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"Oh, yes, she calmed down when I snuggled her and sang her a song."

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"...You what?"

Behind them the sky is starting to come apart.

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"I do know some songs, Herald Vanyel. She requested the Windrider Cycle."

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Vanyel is still kind of boggling at the mental image of Leareth snuggling a toddler who supposedly isn't even his toddler and just thinks she is for some reason. He doesn't answer.

The dream ends. It's not until after Vanyel is awake that he realizes he didn't even ask Leareth what his theories were for the discrepancy there. Is time travel possible?

...That's a very distressing thought actually and he not-thinks it as hard as possible, and takes notes, and eventually goes back to sleep.

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Leareth wakes up, groans, rolls over, and checks the wards on Pexa's room from a distance to make sure she's not screaming in there or something.

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She appears to have fallen or gotten out of bed and is banging forlornly on the door.

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Leareth groans again, but levers himself out of bed and heads down the hall to open her door. He's not very sleepy right now anyway.

:Are you all right?:

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:Daddy! The doorknob wouldn't turn!: She wraps her arms around his legs.

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:I am sorry. Can we get you back to bed now?: He sighs and bends to pick her up.

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:I wanna sleep in you and mommy's bed tonight. It was a real emergency and I need soooooo many hugs.:

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Leareth blearily considers his options. He desperately doesn't want to deal with her inevitable dissolving into tears when he tells her how lost she is, not right now in the middle of the night, and - probably putting compulsions on the small child will just traumatize her even more...

:Your mommy went somewhere else for a bit but you can sleep in my bed, I suppose: he says wearily. :If you think you can be quiet and not squirm: This seems like the plan that results in the shortest interval before he gets to be back asleep, albeit also one that will probably mean being woken again later.

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:I can be quiet and not squirm!:

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Leareth carries her down the hall to his newly-acquired bedroom and plops her into the bed and then lays down as well. :Now can you sleep?:

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She hugs him very tightly. :Do the ceiling with stars?:

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Leareth is almost too drowsy to manage an illusion, but he wakes himself up enough to put stars on the ceiling again, and then he pulls the covers over himself and incidentally the very clingy toddler, and closes his eyes.

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The very clingy toddler wiggles, and chatters to herself softly in Taldane, and within ten minutes is fast asleep.

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Leareth had a very long day, and very interrupted sleep, and is tired enough that he'll probably sleep through a moderate amount of wiggling and chatter, and stay asleep until mid-morning unless Pexa is very determined to discourage this. The stars fade out after a candlemark and it stays pretty dark in the room even once it's daylight outside; they're underground.

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Pexa also had a long day, but she still wakes up ahead of her daddy, and fixes this by poking him in the tummy and singing 'wake up wake up'.

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This is very startling and Leareth is sitting up and raising shields half a second before he's properly awake and remembers why there is a small child in his bed. :Sorry: he says. :I am awake: This part is kiiiind of a grumble.

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:Are we going home today?:

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:No. Sorry: He yawns and stretches, not feeling entirely rested. Why did he let the toddler in his bed again, oh right, he was half asleep at the time and not thinking things through at ALL.

He briefly considers turfing her back into the other bedroom and trying to sleep more, but that will probably result in wailing and - well, it's not Pexa's fault that reality has stopped making any sense, she's going to be just as confused as he is and more upset about it.

:I need to explain some things: he admits. :Breakfast first, though:

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:I want to pray with you! I thought of my things already.:

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What.

:Pray to who?: he says, blankly, he's not alert enough yet to play guessing games about this.

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:Abadar. My things are, I want to fly and I want it a MILLION. I want to go home and I want it a BILLION. And I want White and I want White a BILLION AND BACK.:

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:- I see: Abadar. The god of wealth and trade. He supposes it's not completely unimaginable that some other version of him would end up approving of Abadar enough to literally pray to Him. :I do not have time right now, can you pray by yourself today?:

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Pexa thinks this is weird, her daddy never doesn't pray, but she sits cross legged in the corner and repeats what she just told him out loud, in Taldane, and rocks back and forth impatiently, and then pops back to her feet.

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He takes her down the hall to the cafeteria, where a number of confused and stressed staff are talking quietly or in Mindspeech, and gets her a plate of food grabbed at random, which he plunks down on a table. :Here, breakfast:

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She eats breakfast until she sees Carissa, and then runs over to give her a hug. "Mommy!"

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"I'm still not your mom."

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"I want you to be my mom again."

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"Do you have, uh, nursemaids, who mostly play with you?"

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"Yeah."

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"Well, we can probably get you those here, too, all right? And then they can tell me how you're doing, and I can be proud of you."

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Pexa seems to find this at least moderately reassuring. "I want White."

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"Well, maybe we can also get you a cat."

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"Another cat?"

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"Well, it won't be the same cat, so yeah."

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"Then I'll have two cats!"

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"Look, kiddo, I think you need to be - more careful, all right? I think you shouldn't tell people who your mommy and daddy are, and you shouldn't call us mommy and daddy if we're around people who don't know."

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"Why?"

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"Well, some people don't like your daddy, so if they know he's your daddy, they'll hurt you."

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"They can't hurt me because I have my emergency ring and my bracelet and my necklace."

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"I don't think any of those would stop you from drowning if someone dumped you in a lake! And anyway if they don't know who you are they won't know from what direction to expect a rescue, so one will be easier."

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Sigh.

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Leareth still can't understand the words but was able to follow the approximate gist of it by Thoughtsensing both of them. He sighs. :Sorry. Thank you for - trying, with her. I...am not sure what to do with her. She was banging forlornly in the door in the middle of the night and somehow convinced me to let her sleep in my bed, and then she startled me and I - could have hurt her...: He lets out his breath. :I thought probably we should just tell her we are not her parents rather than - pretending forever, but I expect quite a lot of crying, and delaying it does not make me feel any readier for that:

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:I wish I knew what was actually going on.:

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:So do I. This - would feel like interference, of some sort, except it is so bizarre that I cannot even think what the goal would be! ...I spoke to Vanyel last night. He was - mostly confused, as one would imagine. Also rather offended that you seduced his sister in order to spy on him:

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:It's really confusing! Also I didn't even know she was Vanyel's sister specifically, just that she knew Heralds and was in their military.:

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:That is fair. She was not a bad pick. ...And a lucky find, if you ran into her by accident: Now Leareth is wondering how suspicious he ought to be about that. 

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:She was in the first bar I went to. Not the first person I talked to but I met her within an hour, I'd think.: Carissa sounds very unapologetic. :I like her.:

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Leareth nods. :Anyway, I told Vanyel I would be willing to talk to the Heralds, since the god plan is - no longer a secret, but I am unsure if or when they would be willing to take me up. I will worry about that later. For now, I...think I had better tell the child that I am not the same Leareth who is her father. At least she is for some reason apparently familiar with there being more than one of me:

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:That makes sense. And then you should hire some people to watch her. Or reassign some people, I guess.:

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Leareth nods. He turns back toward Pexa. :Are you done with breakfast?: he asks her.

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:Yes. Where's Tia, I want to go flying.:

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From context, a person she knows, maybe one of her minders, possibly a wizard?

:Tia is not here: he says apologetically, taking her hand and tugging her out of the dining hall; if there's going to be wailing he would prefer not to distract everyone else with it too. :I - need to explain something to you, all right? It is a bit complicated so I want you to listen carefully:

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:I'm listening.:

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:You know how there is more than one of your daddy, there is also Ma'ar and Aroden and...: He's forgotten the other name, it wasn't one he recognized.

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:Tadesse!:

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:Yes, thank you: He takes a deep breath. :Well, I am Leareth, but I am - not the same Leareth as your daddy, and Carissa is not the same Carissa as your mommy. We think probably you are lost here and come from a different world. I am of course going to keep you safe anyway:

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:Tadasse and Ma'ar don't look the same as my daddy. You look the same as my daddy because you are my daddy.:

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Sigh. :I know it is very confusing, but - I do not remember ever meeting you before yesterday. Vanyel also did not recognize you and was confused.:

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:You forgot me???:

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:No, I think I am a Leareth from a different world who did not marry your mother or end up being King of Cheliax or have you. I will take care of you for the other Leareth who is your daddy, though, and maybe he can come find you: Leareth can certainly imagine that he would be a LOT more motivated to search for another world if his child were lost there.

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Pexa considers it for a while. 

 

:Why didn't you marry my mommy and have me?:

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:In this world, I only met Carissa a few months ago and we do not have - that sort of relationship. ...Do you know why your mommy and daddy had you? My guess is that they needed an heir to Cheliax, but since I am not King, I do not need that:

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:Why aren't you King?:

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:...I suppose I am sort of like a King, but not of Cheliax, I have never even been there. Your daddy was not always the King of Cheliax, right?:

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:He and Aroden fought a war to free it from bad people.:

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:Right. Well, in my world that has not happened yet: Maybe he won't mention the part where Aroden is dead, it seems like the sort of thing that would upset a small child.

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:...so you are gonna marry my mommy and free Cheliax and become King, but you haven't done it yet?:

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:I - suppose it is not impossible that in the future I was going to do those things, but I was very surprised to hear about any of it:

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:I think you should because I make you very happy and mommy makes you very happy.:

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:Mmm: It would have to seem so perfectly logical, to a child her age, and Leareth is much less sure than he was five minutes ago that he even can explain it. :The other Leareth who is your daddy might come looking for you, if he is somewhere else. But I will keep you safe in the meantime, and...well, we will see what happens:

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:Okay. Mommy said I can have two cats?:

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...Probably getting her to stop calling poor Carissa her mommy is a lost cause, Leareth thinks. :Yes, of course, you can have two cats. And some new nursemaids to play with you: He should maybe try to find out if any of his other people have children her age and would be willing to relocate.

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:I want a spotted cat and a black cat.:

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Leareth has no idea what his cat procurement resources are, to be honest, but it's a very reasonable request, and at least she isn't screaming on the floor that he find her real parents again right now. :All right. And do you like your bedroom here or would you prefer a different one?:

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:I want a bedroom where the door is not stuck.:

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Sigh. :I can fix the door but you must not go wandering around by yourself at night, all right? I can give you a bell-cord to call for someone if you need anything:

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:I will take the cats with me.:

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:I think that still counts as by yourself. There are some rooms here that are dangerous. Maybe I ought find you a suite with two rooms and a nursemaid to sleep in one of them: He hopes she doesn't make a habit of being awake in the middle of the night, it seems exhausting.

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:I guess.: 

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Leareth looks into her eyes. :I am sorry this is happening. I know it is very confusing:

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Bounce bounce. :It's okay!:

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Leareth has a feeling she has not, actually, absorbed the news he attempted to share with her, but this is as hard as he's willing to try for the moment. :I am glad. Do you think you can play by yourself for a little while until I find someone else who can play with you? I am very busy:

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:I knowwwww. I can play by myself.:

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Then Leareth will drop her back off in the cafeteria, where he can alert some of his staff that it would be good if there were ambient adult supervision, he doesn't know how much trouble three-years-olds can get themselves into if left unwatched.

He hunts around for an unused room to take over as a temporary office, and sits down heavily, resting his head in his hands.

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:Love you Daddy: Pexa says cheerfully, and wanders about the cafeteria exploring.

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Sigh. No, it doesn't seem like she's absorbed all of it, though at least she seems not to expect to go home to Cheliax and maybe will stop assuming he's married to Carissa of all people.

(What. Presumably if it's really another version of the same Carissa, then she's...not Asmodean anymore...but still.)

Leareth arranges a recruiting call among his staff for anyone interested in looking after a toddler - he can explain the full complexity later once he has candidates - and he asks Nayoki to please figure out how to obtain two cats for Pexa as per her request, and he reviews the floorplan for suitable rooms. There aren't really any that are unoccupied. Maybe he'll leave her where she is tonight with someone else camped out, and they can deal with it if and when it makes sense to relocate back to the research base, which he likes much better.

He checks in on whether there's any movement from the Heralds or an envoy in the north; there is not.

Eventually, somewhat caught up and feeling more exhausted than ever, he goes to see how Carissa is doing.

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She's in the Work Room having burned her spells for the day on explosions which she's now taking notes on in the hope that tomorrow she can try a better variant. She nods at him. "Leareth."

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He returns the nod. "I tried to explain things to the girl. She - sort of seems to follow that in this world, you and I are not married and I am not King of Cheliax, but I think she is still convinced I am her father. I am setting her up with adult supervision and - hopefully she will not be too persistent about wanting to sleep in my bed. I am still unsure what to do in the longer run, but...maybe things will start to make more sense, somehow, at some point."

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Sigh. "I hope so. I, uh, would recommend just not letting her sleep in your bed? Toddlers are persistent when it works, they are not persistent when it reliably doesn't."

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"...That is probably true. Once I have someone officially in charge of her it will be easier. Just... It is not her fault either, that any of this is happening, and she was already traumatized enough. And...well, I believe her that one of me somewhere is her father, which - is sort of like me being her father, though I am rather confused about this other me's choices."

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"Yeah, I am too. This you seems to be doing very reasonable things and that you seems to be doing kinda stupid ones."

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"I assume it makes more sense in context, somehow - trying to conquer Cheliax might make more sense if Aroden were also me and alive -"

Leareth stops. Rubs his forehead.

"- Actually I should have noticed earlier how confusing that aspect is! I am not certain but given the timing - if a you exists there - and what Pexa knows about the war, it was with Asmodeus - but how would Asmodeus have ended up with Cheliax in the first place if Aroden did not die there...?"

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" - I guess they could've fought some other way? I ....don't really know, though."

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"I am also confused that you would have fought Cheliax on my side rather than Asmodeus' side, to be honest."

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"I - don't think I would've done that. Maybe if Aroden weren't dead, a lot of things would be different if Aroden weren't dead. But - I don't want you to invade Cheliax. Your normal plan seems much more - straightforwardly something I want to happen."

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Nod. "Well, I am not planning to." He tries to think about what else he's learned. "According to Pexa the other me prays to Abadar. She was very surprised when I said I was not going to."

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"Is he a cleric?"

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"That was one interpretation that occurred to me, although it would be moderately surprising..." He frowns. "Clerics have magic healing, right? - I remember yesterday, when you were bleeding, she - seemed to think I ought to be able to just fix it. I was confused but it could fit. Though - I also recall her thinking that you ought to be able to but maybe both of us had done it too many times already that day..."

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"....I guess I could be a cleric too? Nefreti Clepati is both a cleric and a wizard...we could ask her of who."

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"I will ask her whenever she inevitably finds me again. Is there anything else we ought speak about now?"

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Are they going to address the thing where apparently in the alternate universe they are married - only, she decides, if he insists. "I don't think so."

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Leareth doesn't especially feel like getting into that, especially given how many of his feelings right now are 'gods please keep your very Asmodean parenting philosophy far away from my child.'

"Well, let me know if you need anything else to continue your research here. Though I would not bother getting too settled; I want to move back to the other base once some time has passed and I have had a chance to redo the wards just for additional paranoia."

He nods briskly to her and heads out.

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Pexa spends the day exploring and looking for White and also her new cats. When she gets bored she takes a casserole dish off the table and makes a mud puddle of casserole to play in and gets VERY MESSY so she will need to be BATHED.

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She doesn't yet have a properly assigned minder, but one of the Healers notices this, sighs, plucks her up and tells her to please not make messes inside, and carries her off for and spends awhile attempting to turn a shirt into a dress that sort of fits her - did Leareth not even think about clothes for the mystery toddler - then tries to find someone else willing to entertain her and keep her from getting into anything worse than casserole.

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Sourcing cats when you are in a secret underground base in the far north turns out to be - moderately inconvenient - but he keeps getting complaints from his staff that the child is bored and being handed off from one researcher to another, all of whom would really rather be doing their work undisturbed. Maybe having cats to play with will give her something else to do.

He ends up sighing and literally sending one of his mages to Gate to Rethwellan and find some kittens to buy that meet the descriptions asked for. This is an absurd use of a Gate but he can deliver and collect some messages from his agents at the same time and have his mage pick up some children's books at the nearest Temple of Astera, which has all sorts of books all the time, not that Pexa reads Rethwellani but they can at least be read to her in Mindspeech once they find her a nursemaid who's also a Mindspeaker.

After dinner he goes looking for her, carrying a basket which contains two very confused kittens who do NOT like Gates.

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:Daddy! ....kittens!!!!:

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:See - a black one and a spotted one. You should give them names: He's glad he can do this one thing to make her happy.

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:I love you! I love them! I will name them -: She frowns. :Van and Fandes.:

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That feels very weird but they are her cats. :All right. Which is which?: He sets the basket down on the floor. :You need to be careful with them and not frighten them, all right?: Fortunately this base has one Animal Mindspeaker on staff, which should help if Pexa manages to lose her kittens, but he would still prefer she avoid scaring them into running off.

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:I will be soooo gentle.: She immediately tries to pick one up and drops it. She tries to pick up the other one and succeeds. :This one is Van.:

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:Of course: Is it the black one, that'll be easier to remember at least. :- Pexa, I had a question for you, about your mommy and daddy who are married in Cheliax:

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:Yeah?:

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:You said that King Leareth who is your daddy prays to Abadar - does he get magic from Abadar too?:

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:Yeah! He can FLY from Abadar and he has healing from Abadar and he has magic that gives him more magic, from Abadar.:

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:And what about Queen Carissa? Does she also pray to Abadar for magic?:

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:No! She prays to Iomedae! Who is a girl! And my name!:

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:I - see. Thank you, that is good to know: Leareth pats her sort of absentmindedly.

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Snuggle. :I love my cats! You're the best daddy in all of the worlds!:

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Probably that's the sort of ridiculous superlative thing that small children like saying. It's still very weird. :I am glad you like them. Eldan from the kitchen will help you look after them and feed them. He says they should not sleep in your bed because they are little and might piss in it:

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:Okay.: She immediately forgets this but probably Eldan will remember. :Van and Fandes are princesses of Valdemar! Cat Valdemar, which is for cats.:

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:Oh. Cat Valdemar: Leareth repeats, somewhat inanely. He really needs to either learn her language or have her learn one of his, Mindspeaking all the time is kind of ridiculous - probably she should learn theirs, then people who aren't strong enough Mindspeakers to talk to her can watch her.

He spends a couple more minutes sitting with her and listening to her talk about Cat Valdemar, and then tries to hand her off to Glenna from the Healers and escape.

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She tolerates this with only a little pouting. She is very happy about her cats.

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And Glenna will sleep on a mattress on the floor in her temporary bedroom tonight and probably he won't be disturbed in the middle of the night and this will be fine.

Leareth immediately goes to find Carissa again.

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Making a headband but not uninterruptible on that.

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:I asked Pexa about whether the - other us - are clerics. She said yes: He finds himself hesitating, unable to predict how Carissa will react and uneasy about it.

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:Huh. I guess that makes the marriage make slightly more sense though still not very much.:

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:The other me is a cleric of Abadar, not very surprisingly. The other you is...a cleric of Iomedae:

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:Eugh.

 

I mean, I'm sure it was better than her alternatives. But I - wonder what they were.:

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:I am sorry: Leareth blinks at her. :...Is it even possible to become a cleric to a god if - that is how you feel about it...?:

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:....that's not how I'd feel about it if feeling that way about it was going to get me killed?:

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:I suppose that is sensible: Leareth isn't sure what to say, again, this seems to happen a lot lately. He leans against the wall near her, his gaze half on her and half unfocused.

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"The clerics thing makes sense of the marriage thing because lots of religions have rules about that kind of thing, and because - I don't know, there's still not a lot of reason to marry me but there's lots of reasons to cultivate an alliance with the church of Iomedae."

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"- Honestly you have many traits I would value in a partner, it is just buried in the Asmodeanism."

(Leareth did not really mean to say it out loud that bluntly but it's been a very long day.)

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"- I noticed, but you wouldn't need to marry me about them."

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"Maybe a combination of your personal traits and cultivating an alliance with the church of Iomedae would explain it. I - wonder why I would do that, specifically. Abadar makes sense to me, I...have less of a clear concept of what Iomedae is about."

Probably because Carissa is more biased on the subject. He could try asking Pexa but doubts he'll get anything much more contentful than 'she's a girl!'

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"I listened to a lot of explanations and it's - kind of embarrassing, that I don't have much of anything to show for it in terms of understanding them. Iomedae was a Chelish woman; she ascended in the aftermath of the Shining Crusade, as the herald of Aroden; She's Lawful Good and marshalls the forces of Heaven for the war with Hell; She personally authorized my abduction, I think, at least in the sense She confirmed that trying to keep Ibyabek from Asmodeus was that important and that She believed it wasn't too late and that She understood it to be compatible with the treaty of the Lawful gods regarding the Worldwound. 

I guess it's stupid to hold that against her and it is a good thing I'd have gotten over it eventually, given my alternatives, but - it wasn't the best introduction and it was maddening how none of them could explain what Good was about."

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Leareth nods. "- I am suddenly tempted to get you to read Seldasen on ethics. He was a Herald, and the Heralds...would probably be Lawful Good, I am guessing, in Golarion's system. But Seldasen was very sane about it. I recommended his treatise to Vanyel and we had some fruitful discussion of it."

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"I could read that, if you'd like.

 

I don't really - consider myself Asmodean. Anymore."

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"Oh. I see."

Leareth had been wondering. It does seem like something has been shifting, gradually, in her thoughts. It seemed better to let her bring it up rather than press.

"What changed?" he asks.

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"Asmodeus isn't here. It's - stupid, to serve someone who won't notice."

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"If for whatever reason you - ended up having full discretion over the details of what god I create - which is not going to be the case, because I have rather strong opinions on this, but hypothetically - would you want to recreate a local Asmodeus? Or...something different?"

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"That also seems stupid. It's not - like Asmodeus would appreciate it."

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"He would not! And...it seems you feel that - Asmodeus was not fundamentally correct about how things ought to look, in any universal sense, just - powerful enough to make His will heard?" 

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"I don't think being fundamentally correct is a thing. Just - being able to do stuff, or valuable to someone who can, or not that."

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"Fair enough, I suppose. I am also not sure I think that being fundamentally correct is a thing, morality is not - built into the fabric of reality, at least not here. I...do think there is a fact of the matter about what other people want, though, and whether they are flourishing or suffering, and - a powerful entity can want things that cause more flourishing, or more suffering. And I happen to have what I suppose is a subjective personal preference that the former is what I want. Which is not the same thing as it being fundamentally correct, just - I do think that if you could give every sentient being in Velgarth a poll, 'do you want to be ruled by Asmodeus or by Leareth's god', what result would come out is an empirical question and I think I can predict its answer. And that matters to me."

He's very unsure if any of this is going to make sense to Carissa.

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"It's - a weird thing to do. Ask people what they want. Gives you - more ways to hurt them. And I don't - see how they'd know. Your god sounds nice but it's not disadvantaged by actually existing, yet, and wanting anything. But I guess we'll see if it does turn out nicer."

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"...Sure, that particular framing on it is an odd one. But...one of the things I care about is whether other people can achieve their goals and have what they care about."

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"Yeah. I think - at some point it's just word choice - I'm going to fight for the thing that you're trying to do. I don't need to feel sure about everything to do that. I'm not giving any less - betting any less than I'd be betting if I was sure."

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Leareth nods. "I - realize this is an unfair thing to ask for, probably, but - I think it does matter to me, whether you - would keep pursuing that goal even if I were not here. Whether it is your goal, as a powerful person in your own right, as opposed to just...choosing who to submit to."

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"If you died somehow and inexplicably didn't have any clones ready to go because you're actually an idiot I'd.....have to reconsider lots of things, honestly. I think that's probably the wrong hypothetical to entertain but it's the one that jumped to mind."

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"That makes sense. ...I can assure you I am not actually an idiot and that if I appear to die suddenly, you should expect me to be back within a few months. I still think it might be valuable for your ability to have thoughts that are your own, to spend some time considering it." He steps away from the wall. "Anything else for right now?"

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"I think if instead of that happening I'd just landed in the first place on a world where everyone died for good I'd try to fix that. Probably by ascending, I have any idea how one does that and no idea how one makes a god."

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"Right."

Leareth stops where he is, near the door, and looks at her thoughtfully for a moment. And then smiles. It's way more smile than she usually sees from him aimed at anything, let alone her.

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It's very tempting to give him the right answers, when he'll radiate approval about it that much. She's - trying not to and she's not sure why. "It'd be mostly selfish," she says rather than smile back at him. "I don't want to die forever. And I don't want places to be - poor - like Haven was. Things can be nicer than that."

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"Yes, indeed."

Leareth stands in the doorway for a moment longer, still smiling, and then heads out.

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She gets back to work.

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Things settle a bit more in the new temporary facility, though people are restless to get to move back once the wards have been tweaked.

A governess is found for Pexa. Her name is Alleara and she's a strong Mindspeaker with a background as a mercenary in Jkatha, but she likes children and Leareth says Pexa is a smart child, which makes it sound more interesting.

The next morning Calib comes to find Carissa. "I'm sorry I didn't check in with you sooner, it's been really hectic. Uh, are you - all right?"

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"In one piece! Sorry for, uh, making everybody relocate everything. I still haven't done the Fly item as an apology for the last time I inconvenienced them all, either."

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"I think everyone understands!" Calib hugs her. "Glad you're all right. What...actually happened? All Leareth reported to us is that the Heralds caught you somehow and, uh..." He blushes bright red. "And that Pexa thinks you and Leareth are her parents. Er, he didn't report that but she's informed multiple people and, well. Gossip." He seems to feel very awkward about bringing this up to her.

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"It's really really confusing! I thought it'd make sense at some point but it never did. So everything was going fine in Haven - I'd been exploring and eavesdropping and I'd seduced Vanyel's sister and she invited me to dinner with Vanyel and his aunt, who is also a Herald -"

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Calib blinks a half-step back. "You - seduced Vanyel's sister?" he says, sort of blankly.

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"Lissa. She's in their Guard, apparently, and her family's nobility though I didn't end up asking very many questions about how that worked. She's much better company than Vanyel, who, uh, mopes constantly."

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"I - didn't know you, uh, liked women. That way." Based on Calib's expression, this is a very minor part of whatever's bothering him.

After a moment he sits down, looking at his hands. "I...guess I should've talked to you, uh, about if we - were going to be exclusive."

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"Oh. Uh. Yeah. I guess we should have talked about that." 

 

She sits down too. 

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"It's... Maybe it shouldn't bother me. If, I guess, you gotta do what you gotta do on missions." He seems unconvinced by this. "And she's a woman. I'd...be more upset if you'd seduced another man. Maybe that's stupid, I don't know."

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Carissa looks kind of puzzled. "That's - definitely easier to get when I'm a prisoner?"

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"...Sorry, what is?" Calib just looks puzzled by this claim.

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"Someone who won't have sex with other people?"

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"Now I can't tell if you're saying that about me or you. I, uh, promise I haven't slept with anyone else?"

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"I don't care if you've slept with anyone else! And I don't think it's unreasonable of you to care about it, but it's a - hard thing to get, right, someone who won't sleep with other people, and until recently I was a prisoner so it was an easy thing to get, and now I'm not, and - I hadn't realized it was a major feature for you such that that change was an important one."

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"- Oh. I, uh, I...hadn't really been thinking of it that way. That you were, er, a prisoner and that..." He rubs his face with both hands. "That - makes me sound pretty terrible, actually. I'm really sorry. If you felt...stuck."

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" - I don't think you did anything wrong." She feels like she's communicating something badly but she's not sure what. "... I guess I was, uh, being very careful? Because I couldn't afford to cause drama or be annoying? But that's not something you did, that's just, you know, the situation. I wasn't - scared of you, or expecting you'd be mean to me, or anything, just tracking who held the cards in the normal kind of way, while having unusually few cards."

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Calib still seems confused, and pretty unsettled by this idea. "Right. Okay. But - you're unhappy about being exclusive in general? I...guess that's up to you, I just - it's an adjustment, is all." He looks so flustered. "I didn't think about it at all and that was probably stupid of me."

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"I didn't think about it either but, uh, where I'm from if you haven't thought about it that means you are mostly not expecting it? Is it the other way around, here?"

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He looks down at his hands, turning even redder. "I - don't know really if 'here' is Leareth's staff. They're pretty, er, worldly. I'm - from a small town, where...yeah, no one really talked about it but people didn't..." He trails off, apparently too embarrassed to even finish the sentence.

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"In a lot of places people don't want their girl sleeping around because if she gets pregnant they'll be expected to be involved and they'd want to be sure the kid is theirs."

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"Mmm. I don't think people here really have to worry about that, given, lots of Healers... And I'm guessing you don't either." He picks at his nails. 

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"No. I was just trying to - cover ground on why people think things? A lot of people also prefer that their girl not have sex with anyone else because then she's a slut, which makes her less valuable and less of an achievement to be sleeping with?"

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Blink blink blink. "I - it'd be disrespectful to think of you that way? I don't want to...undervalue you and, uh, the things that are really neat about you, which - don't have anything to do with that." 

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Carissa seems confused, again. She tries to forge forwards. "And some people like feeling - ownership, of someone, and part of that is them not being allowed to have sex with other people?"

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"That also seems disrespectful! You're - your own person..." He trails off. "Gah. I - might've been thinking about it a bit that way, though. I'm really sorry." He seems to feel very guilty and uncomfortable about noticing this. 

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" - I mean, I don't think there's anything - bad about that - I don't think you owe me an apology - you should get to pursue the things you want!"

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That, at least, seems to reassure him a little. He nods. "I - like you a lot. I'm not mad. I - I am sort of upset but I don't want to be or, uh, think I have a right to be, or anything. I don't want to be controlling, I'm not - it wouldn't be right or fair to you even if I could." He shrugs, helplessly. "I'm sorry, I - can go talk about my feelings with someone else, it's - not your duty to help me feel better, either." 

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"I like you, so I want to make you feel better. I'm worried I'm very bad at it, because - because I just don't think that the things you don't want to be are bad things to be? But I guess even if they're not bad things to be you can not want to be them. Just. If you thought about it and you were like 'yes, actually, I like having ownership of people to the extent that you, being my girlfriend, are for me and mustn't have sex with anyone else', I wouldn't feel disrespected, or anything.... I could imagine feeling disrespected but not by you wanting things!"

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"...I think part of me might want that but I - don't want to want it, you know? I think I - would judge my friend for wanting it..." He grimaces. "Which I don't know how I feel about either! Maybe I'm being too judgy! ...You know, my brother told me once that relationships were complicated and confusing, and I never got it until now." 

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Hug?

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Calib would like a hug! He holds her and strokes her hair. 

"...Do you, er." He clears his throat. "I feel really dumb even, uh, asking, or having feelings about this, but - do you fancy Leareth that way? He, uh. Sometimes he looks at you like..." Calib trails off. "And you're, uh, married, in some other world. Apparently. It's so stupid to be jealous about that but I think maybe I'm just an idiot that way." 

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Snuggle. "It's really weird, that we're - married, in another world. I don't know what to think about it. I hadn't mostly -

- it always feels like he's testing me. And even if I pass, it's - you have to be careful, when someone's testing you. I think - in that other world - I wonder if somehow I end up not feeling like he's testing me anymore.

 


I don't know if that answers your question."

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"He's pretty intimidating," Calib agrees, not that he's sure this is what Carissa is trying to convey, but it's the part he understands. 

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Hug. "I don't think he's likely to solicit me, I think he finds it more his thing to - drop in occasionally and be satisfied about things."

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"Mmm." He leans against her shoulder, having apparently run out of things to say. 

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Well, saying things doesn't seem to have improved anything at all, so she'll give up on it too.

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Then they can do things that aren't talking for a while. 

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At the end of that day Leareth goes to talk to Pexa again and make sure she's getting along well with her new governess Alleara and taking care of her cats. 

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"Daddy," says Pexa delightedly and tells him about her day's adventures and then demands he do spinny magic.

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Does reading her mind clarify at all what she means by that. 

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She recalls being spun wildly in circles on the floor by some kind of force barrier, and screaming with glee, while her daddy does the magic and her mommy sits in a stuffed armchair nearby, giggling.

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...Well, Leareth can try his best to replicate that. At least for a little bit. It looks tiring. 

:Tell me if I am doing it right: he instructs, and then attempts to set up and spin a force barrier that seems similar. 

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He is doing it right! She is so delighted! She shrieks and giggles and spins around bursting with unadulterated joy.

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That's - weirdly pleasing, actually. Leareth is still mostly on the side of hoping that the mystery of a child he met a few days ago thinking he's her father will somehow resolve itself and go away, but...if that happens he might, possibly, miss her a little bit. 

He spins her until he's both tired and slightly worried he's going to give her motion sickness and cause her to throw up on him, and then hands her back to Alleara. 

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She seems unsurprised by getting to see her father only ten minutes a day; sometimes he is VERY BUSY and CANNOT PLAY WITH HER even though he LOVES HER SO.

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...This continues to be awkward but it could be worse. Leareth is content to visit her once a day in the evenings and entertain her with magic for a bit. 

Leareth reviews the modified security precautions, and about a week after the hasty evacuation, they organize a more orderly return to the previous research base. 

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Carissa has resumed her magic research. She's trying to engineer Clairvoyance, which is going to be related to the spellform for scrying, but she's not having any luck, and she's a little worried there's some trick to it she doesn't have a good way of deriving. She does, in the course of experimenting with divinations in general, get Enter Image, but that's not good for much now that she's not trying to spy on everybody.

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Leareth continues checking in with her every so often but mostly leaving her research priorities up to her. 

The day they move back in, after he's found Pexa a two-suite bedroom and made stars on the ceiling of her new bedroom for her so it'll feel more homey, he spends a bit in the library, and then heads over to Carissa's room. "I tracked down my copy of Seldasen on ethics, if you are still interested in having a look?" 

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"Sure! Uh, what ...is ethics, exactly."

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"- Probably you will best understand how I use the term by reading the book and forming an extensional definition that way. The...simple answer, for this, is 'the study of how scholars and philosophers think people ought to behave', which is separate both from how people do behave and from what sorts of actions are strategic for accomplishing a given goal. I - suppose some people might call it the study of Good but I suspect what we mean by that here is different from how it is used in Golarion." 

He offers her the book. 

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She takes the book. "It actually sounds kind of more like Law? Law for humans is mostly about what behavior and what rules produce functioning societies."

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"Oh - yes, that could be, though I expect you will find it to be something of a mix of both. The Heralds are Lawful, for example, but Law does not determine the difference between what they think is correct behaviour in terms of running a kingdom, and how Cheliax does things. And I am certain they would not even consider running Valdemar like Cheliax, even in exchange for Cheliax's wealth." 

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"Well. I'll read it."

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The foreword to the book is about what it means to be a Herald. The Heralds' oath, that all of them make in front of the monarch when they graduate and are granted their white uniform, is included in the text and then discussed. 

I pledge you my heart, that we may build and preserve our land and people together.

I vow to obey our Laws and seek the Truth in every thought and deed, to heal the wrongs and bring aid to those who suffer, and by the strength of my hand to restore and keep the peace.

The deeds of those who lived before, the legends of our past, have shown me the way, and my Companion has opened a door in my heart.

It is upon love that we build this foundation, and for love that I will serve Valdemar as long as there is breath in me.

This is our sacred trust. My path stands clear before me, and where you lead, I cannot be afraid.

Upon my soul I vow this to you, that the light that is our people may never fade.

To be a Herald, Seldasen writes, is to take on the duty of holding a kingdom together, year after year, generation after generation. This is the sacred trust they were handed, a mantle passed down from the first King Valdemar, who tried to build a place that was different and better from the homeland he had fled with his family and people. 

He acknowledges that the Heralds' oath is not, exactly, an instruction manual on how to be a Herald. It's flowery and metaphorical - pretty words, but what good are poetic words when you need to decide which of your people to send into a battle where they will almost certainly die? When you need to decide whether to hire on the mercenary company your kingdom can afford, to defend its borders in a time of desperate warfare, knowing that the mercenaries in question would never, ever clear the bar to be considered as Heralds themselves, and aren't even particularly interested in following Valdemar's laws at all? 

Sometimes reality is hard and unfair and you need to compromise something. And the Heralds' oath isn't an instruction list on what things can and cannot be compromised, either, because reality has never been that simple. But what the oath does is gesture, vaguely, at the spark held in common between all Heralds. Valdemar has never been just its land, or just its laws, or just its monarch. Valdemar is and always has been its people, and the responsibility every Herald takes on is to give those people a world that is safe, where they can live and love and raise their children without having to be afraid. 

We are only children, Seldasen writes, and there are no parents, not in all the world. We face adult problems, and burdens that are too heavy to bear, and we break. We fall down, and we pick ourselves up and keep going, because what else are we going to do, when there is a kingdom that we must protect? 

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Carissa spends a while puzzling over what problem is presented by hiring unLawful mercenaries or by commanding soldiers. But it's compelling writing? The guy is - well, a paladin, to a first approximation, but he seems to be really really trying, to make his kingdom a nice place to live.

 

She reads it straight through.

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Seldasen presents several different viewpoints or frameworks that Heralds can use for reasoning about ethics, which for him seems to boil down to 'how to make decisions so that the world around you will end up being a nice place to live'; he says that ethics is relevant to almost everyone, whether they're running a kingdom or not, but especially important for Heralds because of the responsibility they bear - because the people of Valdemar trust them and defer and listen to them about what will make their lives and their children's lives good.

You can think about ethics as a matter of principle, which is somewhat different than a matter of law, because there are ethical principles that aren't and shouldn't be encoded in Valdemar's official law and punished by the courts. Lying is wrong. Stealing is wrong. Murder is wrong. All of these can be cashed out more concretely - it's not just 'because', the most straightforward summary is that actions are wrong in principle if you wouldn't want your neighbours or your king doing them to you. Most people do not want to be murdered, or lied to, or stolen from, and so doing these to the people around you is predictably doing them a disservice, and this is - more universal and less subjective than matters of preference that vary, like favourite foods. Seldasen thinks this is a reasonable framework for Heralds to use most of the time; it's not generally confusing, most of the time, and drawing clear bright lines makes it easier to avoid rationalizations. The difficulty comes in when different principles conflict, which will inevitably happen.

You can think about ethics as a matter of virtue; to be ethical is to be kind and generous and loyal and brave and to keep your promises, and such and such. Seldasen thinks this framework is helpful when you're trying to figure out what you should do and not just what you shouldn't do. Heralds need to do a lot more than not lie and not steal and not murder people. That being said, different virtues can also conflict, and the framework doesn't in itself give a strong sense of whether being loyal is more important than being generous. 

You can think about ethics as entirely grounded in the people you're being ethical for. The ethical course of action is what saves lives, or what makes people wealthier, or what prevents crime and disease and hunger and fear. This frame is in a sense a lot simpler than either of the others; you won't run into conflicts between different principles or virtues, there is nearly always a fact of the matter about what saves lives. The difficulty is that any course of action has many effects, in the immediate and medium and very long term, many of which are hard to predict in advance, and so it's easy to, with the best of intentions, do far more harm than good.

...

And then he goes through so so many examples of hard choices, where it's not clear what to do and different ethical frameworks might give different answers. Seldasen adores controversial frustrating examples. He never claims that there's one true right answer, here. Sometimes it's obvious from the writing that he leans a particular way, but not always. 

Murder, for example: generally wrong. Saving the life of an innocent person: generally good. But imagine yourself besieged in a city, at war, and an innocent woman - a citizen of Valdemar - and her child, ill with plague, begging to be let in. Or even climbing the walls. The city has Healers; they might well be able to save the child's life without risking the lives of others. But they might not. The woman and her child might die anyway and spread disease to the besieged soldiers. She might turn out to be a spy. There is always uncertainty. But in these conditions, it's at the very least not obviously wrong to refuse to save one person, in exchange for saving many more, and perhaps even to kill to woman in order to prevent her getting in. 

There are a lot more examples. Is it ever the ethical choice to disobey a superior's orders. To conceal information you know about a crime committed. To lie to someone who trusts you. Seldasen admits readily that many of the examples are carefully chosen to be as difficult as possible, rather than because they really happened, but life is often unclear, he says, and some of the examples are real ones that occurred in his life, or to his friends. (He doesn't specify which of them.) 

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Obviously you don't let the woman with the plague into the city, why would you possibly do that. She can't think why you shouldn't lie, either. Stealing things is bad but it seems absurd to handle this by trying to convince individual people to care enough about strangers to not rob them, instead of to have harsh penalties for robbery so it's not worth it...

 

She thinks that maybe the things that people in Valdemar consider a dilemma are not the same as the things that people in Cheliax consider a dilemma. But - there aren't books like this in Cheliax, it's very obvious there couldn't be.

She wonders if Leareth thinks any of these are difficult dilemmas.

 

She sets it down and gets back to work.

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Leareth comes to see her the next day, which is a shorter interval than usual. 

"I had a question for you," he says, seriously. This is also not his usual opening. 

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Which makes her tense up, a little. "Oh?"

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"How would you feel about returning to Valdemar, this time officially on my behalf? ...I spoke to Vanyel last night. For - reasons that I do not fully understand - the Heralds are much more willing to countenance having you come and talk to them more than about having me send someone else." 

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"...that's weird. Uh. You don't think they'll kill me? Or try to take me hostage under the mistaken impression you're very invested in me?"

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"I do not think they will kill you. You - well, you read Seldasen, right, and I imagine it came across how committed the Heralds are to their principles. They might try to take you hostage but it would be stupid to do so and they would promptly get a very unpleasant surprise, which they know - in fact, they ought assume I have even more capabilities than I revealed just then, which I do." 

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"Do you have a guess about why they want me?"

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"My guess is that they do not have a good reason, but that it feels less frightening and unfamiliar because they met you, however briefly. And...perhaps they think that as a newcomer to Velgarth, you are less likely to scheme circles around them than someone I select? Or that you are unsure of your allegiance to me and they can persuade you to join them instead? I am not sure." 

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"I guess if I did defect I'd be unusually valuable?...relatedly you wouldn't let me which I'd think they'd have, uh, noticed, considering...that doesn't feel like a sufficient justification and it makes me uneasy but I'm kind of stuck on scrying and I'm not going to level here so I'm not opposed if you think I should go."

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"I need to consider it, but I wanted your input first, I was not going to send you against your will. ...What did you think of Seldasen on ethics, by the way? I am curious whether the Heralds' way of thinking makes any more sense to you than the Good paladins in Golarion." 

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"It was a very good explanation of what he wanted and where he thought it was tricky. I think I could probably convince the paladins I understand Good now, though I don't expect that's what makes an Atonement go through. The dilemmas mostly ...weren't. I was interested in whether someone could come up with some that were dilemmas to Chelish people. There are probably some but - you could hardly publish that book about them. Were any of them - ones you find challenging?"

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"- Some, yes, though I think not for the reasons that would be most obvious to many people. And - perhaps ones that would be confusing to you, given that Cheliax seems to assume everyone is lying all the time."

He frowns, searching for words, and finally goes on. "Obviously it is not very hard to come up with examples where in the short run, lying will save lives or other value, and refusing to lie seems obviously stupid and - to be a pursuing a principle past the point of absurdity. But - there is a sort of metaphorical social fabric that is damaged by lying being commonplace, I think. You are not well placed to notice this because in Cheliax it was thoroughly shredded and ground to dust a long time ago. To me the damage this caused is very obvious; it makes it nearly impossible to form accurate models of reality, if you need input from other people to fill them out, because instead of being determined by a fact of the matter that everyone can measure via experiment, people's beliefs are determined by what will not get them executed for disloyalty, and everyone is spending massive mental overhead all the time, interpreting other people's lies and backing out their motives. Cheliax is a very extreme example, of course, but I think you can see subtler distinctions between different societies in Velgarth. A Herald lying to the populace because it was strategic in the short run would - be burning a resource that Valdemar currently possesses. And the same is true of me, actually. I - try to be very straightforward with the people who work with me, because I do not want them spending cognitive overhead on figuring out what I mean and why I am saying it, rather than on doing important god-related research. ...Also I have never outright lied to Vanyel. He probably does not believe this, and I would not expect it, but it is true." 

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"I guess if people don't lie then it makes sense not to be the first to start," she says reluctantly, "except, then someone else will be the first to start, and will accrue all the advantages of lying to people who just believe them. I think the only stable state is everyone expecting that everyone else might be lying."

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"One would think, and yet Valdemar has not drifted from its current equilibrium even over eight hundred years. And their Truth Spell was only discovered quite recently!" 

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"But presumably some people were just lying to everyone and successfully got away with it? And just...no one ever caught on? They must've had lots of people getting away with murder, if they think that people accused of murder won't lie about whether they did it."

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"- You know, there are plenty of ways to catch criminals other than direct confessions from them, especially if you have magic. Also I think that until recently the Heralds' court of appeals allowed mindreading to prove if the defendants were innocent or guilty. Though, yes, the Heralds are not everywhere and I am sure many murder cases went unsolved." 

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"It sounds like a strong argument for not lying if you might get caught."

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"You know, I think most people are not as good at lying as you, and are thus easier to catch." 

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"...I guess people here do seem worse at lying. I thought about asking Calib to do things for me, when I wasn't sure I didn't want to escape, but quite aside from getting him killed I didn't think he'd be any good at it."

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Nod. "So I think there are different equilibria here - one where everyone lies all the time and thus becomes skilled at it, though I assume some people are less skilled than you and are punished for it. And there is a different stable point where for most people the easiest route to achieving their goals does not involve lying - at least, not about important things or to authority figures - and so they do not become good at it, and - some actors can game the system by lying skillfully, but not quite enough to tip the balance. Also honesty is seen with respect in Valdemar, which I imagine is not the case in Cheliax; to call someone an honest merchant is high praise, to call them a dishonest one is as good as calling them a criminal. And private gossip is quite good at catching systematic dishonesty, often, even if the courts are not." 

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"Merchants care for their reputation in Cheliax, too. But - I guess that all follows." She frowns. "I'm still not sure it lends itself to a calculus more complicated than 'lie when you won't get caught'."

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"Well, judging the likelihood you will be caught is a skill in itself, right? And - I think when people are not in the habit of lying constantly, it becomes less of an affordance in their minds, such that it does not occur to most normal people as an option unless they are in dire straits - at which point, lying plausibly under pressure is an even harder skill that I suspect many in Valdemar have never even considered training in advance of when they might need it." 

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She nods. "I guess I can see how that'd function, as a society. And be - a valuable thing to preserve, if you had it."

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Nod. "Anyway, that is one answer I have for which questions seem genuinely hard to me. Also, I - think it is not a good sign about Cheliax, that a book like this could not be written there."

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"I think it - makes people less Asmodean. The book. It makes there be less of them that Asmodeus can use. Which isn't a favor to them, if it's their only possible fate."

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"Right. Whereas I - think the Heralds would consider it quite undesirable, to be the sort of people who can be used by Asmodeus. ...What about the book do you think makes people less Asmodean? That - is interesting to me." 

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"Well, it ....assumes you should be figuring out how to get what you want? There's - very little in it that's about what you'll get punished for. It thinks of the - unit of analysis of decisionmaking - as what you'd like the world to be like."

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"Yes, it does do that. Not all writing on ethics does, but - well, this is very much the way I think, and it is a major reason why I described Seldasen as an unusually sane man." 

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"I think that it makes people harder for Asmodeus to use, when they - shape themselves to try to do that."

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Nod. "Whereas it - is almost a prerequisite I need for people to be the most valuable to me within my organization? This is the thing I have hoped you would grow into all along, I think, but it is inherently not the sort of thing I can demand of someone who is afraid of me." 

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"I guess not. That - makes sense. If you weren't very lenient all the time I'd be thinking - how to be safe, not what I wanted to do."

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"Right. And...I do not think that the threat of torture actually works very well for motivation, when what you want your staff to be motivated to do is brilliant and creative original research. Because that is a faculty that is difficult for humans to access when they are constantly very afraid. Fear makes people - averse to taking risks, constantly looking for the safest option, and the safest path is generally not what results in groundbreaking discoveries." 

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"I think this strategy would work less well if you weren't so powerful, because tempting people to be ambitious would tempt some to - overthrow you or betray you or something - but it does seem to work well for you.


I figured you'd hurt me if you caught me stealing spellsilver but I - didn't think you'd kill me, and that was important. I wasn't afraid of getting hurt."

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"- Honestly I think we still disagree on the extent to which torturing people is an effective punishment and deterrent, versus just - demonstrating that you are more skilled than them, and can and will catch them and prevent them from damaging your plans. I never did hurt you, right, even when you were, well, very obviously trying to test me. You were still much more cooperative afterward." 

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"I'm not actually a difficult person by nature! I got very high scores for compliance in school! I don't think I am the personality that punishments are primarily required for. But - I will admit your approach works better than I would have expected, at engendering cooperativeness. Here I am, all cooperative."

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"I mean, I think if people are difficult by nature then I just do not hire them to work at my organization. I suppose that is an advantage I have, as someone who runs a secret organization for creating a god, rather than a country per se." 

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"Yeah. You'll need more punishment when you run a country. But - less than Cheliax does, probably. 

 

 

What are you hoping to get out of the talks with the Heralds? Is it mostly just a line of communications so you can send them terms when the time comes?"

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"I want a line of communications, yes. I...want to convey to them that I am someone who will, in fact, respect terms that are mutually agreed upon, as opposed to - I am not sure what they think I am, but Vanyel thinks they are terrified that even engaging or communicating with me in any way is somehow dangerous." 

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"...huh. I guess I can ...try to figure out why they think that."

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"I expect you will find them confusing. But...less confusing after you read Seldasen, I hope. Anyway, I discussed with Vanyel how to exchange messages about this, so - I can let you know if they agree to having you go down and speak with them?" 

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"Sure. Will I have to ride again, that was genuinely very unpleasant."

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"They have mages who can Gate, I think we can arrange something more efficient." 

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"All right." She has some strange impulse to - offer him something, do something, about - being asked this - but she hasn't the slightest idea what, really. "I will get my notes to a stopping point for you again."

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"Thank you. ...Is there anything else you wanted to discuss, now?" 

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"I don't think so."

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"I will keep you updated, then." 

And he heads out. 

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She continues doing magic research. Sometimes she is flagged down by Pexa; when this happens she teaches the girl geography, because if she ever gets home she'll need to know it no matter what the political situation is. Pexa seems to consider this not terribly uncharacteristic parenting.

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Leareth continues to check in with Pexa once a day and do whatever fun magic game she asks for, for about fifteen minutes, before extracting himself. 

A cautiously hands-off message drop location was arranged via dream conversation with Vanyel, and messages are exchanged. 

Several days later, Leareth finds Carissa and lets her know that the Heralds have agreed to talk to her and someone can meet her at the northern border and Gate her down to Haven. 

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"If I die," she says sternly, a tiny bit less joking than last time, "you have to tell your god to get me back."

 

And she packs her things and leaves her notes.

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She has her invisible-to-mage-sight invincibility shield, and Leareth provides her with TWO different artifacts she can use to summon his help, and he wants to take some of her hair right before she goes so he'll be able to for-sure locate her for the next forty-eight candlemarks using that spell. 

He sort of looks like he wants to hug her, when he summons one of his mages to Gate her back to Westmark, but (if her read is right to begin with) he does not indulge this impulse. 

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And then she's once again on the stretch of road with Westmark, this time with assurances that someone is waiting for her at the Valdemaran border. 

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She rides for the border. She is scared. She tells herself that just means that spellcasting now will help her level.

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It doesn't take long to reach it, from there.

Herald-Mage Savil is waiting for, dressed in Whites, standing next to her Companion. She nods stiffly. "Carissa. I, er, apologize for - last time we met." 

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"Herald Savil. I'm, uh, glad everyone's all right." And hopefully not planning to execute her for spying? Heralds seem very earnest in a way that makes her predict they wouldn't but - it was an old book, and there's probably several different factions involved with different takes on how to think about Leareth, and - it'd be easy to make sure Leareth didn't have enough warning -

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"...Honestly I don't know if it's all right, but - he hasn't attacked us yet. And it's not like any of this is your fault. Ready?" Savil raises her hand toward the doorway of the building next to them. 

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She doesn't think Leareth's planning to attack any time soon but he of course wouldn't tell her. "Yes," she says.

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Savil's eyes play over her - clearly checking with mage-sight, finding something, hesitating, pausing, moving on, deciding she's satisfied. 

"Let's go," she says, a little impatiently. 

It takes her a lot longer than it does for Leareth, or even his auxiliary staff, but a glowing doorway appears on the door of the building, and then flashes white to show a soggy field, and Savil glances back at Carissa before crossing. 

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Carissa follows.

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The Herald-Mage who interrogated her before is waiting on the other side of the Gate, stern and tense, with his Companion beside him. "Carissa," he says. "Since our previous introduction was a bit rushed, let's do it properly. I'm Queen's Own Herald Lancir." 

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Another Herald is standing nearby, arms folded, watching. Lancir does not introduce him. 

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She tries to look not very dangerous but also important enough it'd be a bad plan to execute her for espionage. It's a tricky balance to strike even though she's pretty sure it's true. She nods to them.

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They don't seem hostile, exactly. Mostly just off-balance. 

"Well, follow me," Lancir says finally, and starts walking toward a building. 

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Savil pats her Companion's neck and follows, falling into step next to Carissa. 

"Van wants to talk to you," she says, conversationally. "After this. Not sure what about. He may just - want to know more what Leareth's like, it sounds like they've been, er, trying to figure each other out for a while." 

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"Yeah. I'd be - happy to talk to him."

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"Thank you." 

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Lancir leads them into one of the stone buildings, not the same one that she visited earlier, and then to a meeting-room. 

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A tall, thin man is waiting for them there, and stands up when they come in. 

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"This is Herald Jaysen, he's Seneschal's Herald to Queen Elspeth." 

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"Pleased to meet you," Jaysen says stiffly, not sounding particularly pleased. "Well, have a seat. Lance, is Keiran coming?" 

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"She's sitting this one out but she might come by later." Lancir pulls out a chair for Carissa, and another for Savil, before taking his own seat. 

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"I, uh, have three hours of my translation spell a day," Carissa volunteers, sitting down. "We can do Mindspeech after that or I have magic that gives you my language."

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"- Good to know. Thank you." Lancir glances at Savil, then looks back to Carissa. "...Er, the first thing I wanted to ask is - are you all right? We...were worried Leareth might've, well, mistreated you, or that you would've been punished for being caught." 

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"He doesn't do that! I agree it's very weird of him. One time I pretended to have escaped and inconvenienced the whole facility for an hour and he didn't even take my magic items away."

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This gets her a baffled stare from all of them. 

"- Er, why did you pretend to escape?" 

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"I was pretty sure I was still too valuable for him to kill me and so it seemed worth risking whatever else he might do to get a sense of - what would change if I tried... and I would've escaped for real, if it'd turned out his security was inadequate, just, I wanted the first step to be something I could back down from, if his security turned out to be really good."

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"And did they? ...I'm guessing so, since it sounds like you didn't escape for real." 

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"And also he's a terrifyingly powerful immortal dark mage." 

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"Yes. He noticed right away. He had a lot of different ways to find me and I didn't have a way around all of them. So I just - snuck over to the pool and went swimming, and he took it as a sort of practical joke, and everyone else took it as a sort of practical joke, and I wasn't punished, but he'd made his point about whether I could pull it off for real."

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"Huh, he has a swimming pool? I - confess that wasn't something I imagined going with 'immortal mage's secret lair in the far north.'" 

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"I asked for it when I first got there, as a way to check how many resources he was inclined to expend on impressing me. They built it the next day."

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"- Goodness. That's...either very dedicated to impressing you, or his resources are even scarier than we'd realized." 

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"He's more than a thousand years old. In my world a caster who has invented immortality and had that long to accumulate resources can... pretty much do anything. I haven't seen much that makes me think that's wrong about him, even though he's not from my world."

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The Heralds exchange some more tense looks. 

"Do you know why he's, er, even interested in having negotiations with us?" Lancir asks. "Given that he's planning to conquer us." 

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"And that from the sound of it we couldn't do anything to even inconvenience him," Savil adds dryly. 

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"I'm not entirely sure. He might change his mind and want a way to credibly communicate that? He might be hoping that if you know enough about his capabilities then you won't wage a totally futile war against him? He might just think that, you know, several extremely weird things have happened recently, in case more extremely weird things happened it is best if everyone's communicating with each other where it's in their interests to do so."

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Lancir nods. Still looks uneasy. 

"Has he said anything to you about, er, what he was playing at with Vanyel." 

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" - I think the same thing he sent me here for now? Figuring it's - better to have avenues of communication than not, and maybe if you know everything you won't fight him?"

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"Given that he apparently wants to murder a lot of people to make a god, that seems very unlikely." 

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"I don't think he can use people he murders during the war to make the god so if there's a war and then the god-building then that's just even more people dead compared to if he can get directly to work on the god."

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"That doesn't mean we would ever find it acceptable to, what, just bow down and let him take our country and use it for his madman's scheme." 

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"....if it were my country I would hate him, and be very angry at him, and hope someone stopped him and he was ground down in Hell for a very long time. But I don't - 

 

- I think I'd probably still surrender, if it was my decision. Because - there are more options when you're alive."

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The Heralds seem even less sure how to respond to this. 

"I think that surrendering our country to a bloodpath mage would be...well, abandoning our responsibility to the people of Valdemar. Which is much, much bigger than our own lives." 

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She's glad she read the book so she could at least imagine why someone would have an opinion like that. 

 

 

"I don't - think I ever felt that way about the people of Cheliax exactly," she says. "Cheliax is pretty different than Valdemar. But, uh, it's easier for me to imagine feeling that way about - my children, if I had children, or about my unit in the army, and - if Leareth showed up and told me to turn them over to him so he could kill half of them to make a god, then, I'd think, is there any option I can think of that involves them not dying? And if there is, then I'd do that. And if there's not, then...it seems like it is abandoning them, to die, instead of to - figure out where I'll have the most opportunity to change things and go there?"

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...This seems to make a little more sense to them, or at least it gets Lancir to nod grudgingly. "I - can understand that, I suppose." 

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"You've worked with the man for a while now," Herald Jaysen says gruffly. "Reckon there's any hope of convincing him not to make this damned god of his? Or at least to go bother some other kingdom instead?" 

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"Jay! We can't send him after some other hapless country!"

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Carissa thinks this is an incredibly reasonable suggestion! "Probably he'd go after someone else if he expected less interference there? I think Valdemar's gods aren't very active, compared to the gods in some places, and that was a consideration, and Valdemar has a lot of land and can support a large population. But I think you could get him to go after somewhere else if - Valdemar was going to be harder to take than he thought, or less valuable, or if the gods looked more inclined to interfere after all. Or if you offered him help with the god plan conditional on it happening somewhere else, maybe.

 

I don't think you can get him not to pursue the god plan and I don't really see why you'd want to? We're all going to die forever, if he doesn't succeed at the god plan. All of the people of Valdemar will die forever. That - seems like not the best thing for them!!"

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"- Huh. You don't think it's a completely insane plan?" 

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"In Golarion some people have ascended and become gods and it seems....fine? I don't follow any of them particularly so I don't know much for sure, and I wouldn't favor it if your existing gods were doing anything with your dead, but - Golarion is a better place than here, and Leareth thinks it's because your gods can't use much of humans, and - it's good for people, to have a god that can use a lot of - who they are, what they care about..."

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"I see." Lancir leans back in his chair. "- I think I want to hear more about Golarion, then, and - why you think it's better, over there, and how your gods are different." 

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"Sure. Uh, Golarion is an older world than this one, with a longer history, and it's richer and Lawfuller - uh, more people have magic things, more people have been to other countries, stores sell more things from faraway, it is more common for a dozen different countries to collaborate against a great global threat, I could deposit my money in a bank in Cheliax and pick it up at a bank three thousand miles away, we field bigger armies, there aren't hungry children in the streets - that's the kind of thing I mean by 'richer' -

- and our gods - some of them are as alien as your gods, I suppose, but some of them aren't. We characterize them by - Law and Chaos, and Good and Evil, which are forces on a god-scale and hard to understand on a human scale but you can get a general sense - Law is - reliability. Honesty. Sacred trusts. Whether when you give your word you mean it, whether it's safe to carry money in the street, whether crimes are punished. Chaos is about - individual freedom. Doing as you please. Being beholden to nothing.

 

And Good and Evil is," Sigh. "Uh, Good is - to shape everything you do with the intent of protecting and caring for other people, keeping them safe, doing your duty to them, arranging for them the conditions where they'll lead joyful lives. Evil is - most everything else. There are gods of - there are Lawful Good gods like Erastil whose domain is farming and family and Iomedae whose domain is the fight against Evil, and Lawful Neutral gods like Abadar, of commerce, and Lawful Evil gods like Asmodeus, of - He regrets that humans were given free will and their own goals, and wants them to stop that, and serve Him. There are Chaotic Good gods like Desna, of exploration and the stars, and Chaotic Neutral gods like Calistria, of revenge, and Chaotic Evil gods like Lamashtu, of - madness and corruption, or Rovagug, who just eats entire worlds..."

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"Thank you, I appreciate the explanation." Lancir's voice is a bit rote; he seems to be deep in thought. 

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"...To be honest Leareth seems like the kind of man who would create an Evil god," Jaysen says after a few beats, "which - I don't think we want here." 

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"I don't think that is what he'd do. Cheliax worshipped an Evil god and when I first arrived here I suggested to Leareth that he ally with Asmodeus and he was very opposed. I think he wants a Good god, or - maybe a Neutral god because Good's kind of narrow? But he doesn't want a god who tortures people, even occasionally when they deserve it."

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"Is it, er, normal, in...Cheliax, right - to think that people sometimes deserve to be tortured?" 

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"Yes. Which is probably not unrelated to having been ruled by an Evil god."

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"And you're saying Leareth - doesn't think that. Even though he seems shockingly comfortable with murdering people for power and invading kingdoms and - probably worse things than that." 

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"Probably," she agrees. "But he doesn't like Asmodeus, and he doesn't like torturing people, or lying to them, and he's powerful enough he can pretty much avoid doing things he doesn't like doing."

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"Hmm. How sure are you that he doesn't like lying? I mean, he could just lie about whether or not he minds lying, right, do you have anything more - concrete, than him just making a claim?" 

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"I read his peoples' minds, sometimes, and they haven't got - the habit of listening to what he says and then figuring out what they're actually supposed to believe."

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"...Are people in Cheliax used to - having to do that? Gods, it sounds like an exhausting place to live." 

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"Honestly I was until recently under the impression that everyone everywhere does that all the time? I don't see how you can just expect that people are probably telling you the truth when they have lots of reason to not do that. Leareth explained that - it takes skill, to get good at lying such that it's actually a viable strategy, and if everyone around you will be angry at you if you get caught lying, then there's not much reason to develop the skill, and so you can have places where decent people are basically being honest with each other all the time. - that's why Lissa had hurt feelings, isn't it, I didn't make the connection until just now -"

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"...Yes, I imagine so. She's over it now, though, she doesn't tend to hold grudges." 

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A few beats pass in silence. 

"We - didn't really figure out what was going on with, er, the child," Lancir says finally. He seems a bit apologetic about it. "- Is she, in fact, Leareth's daughter." 

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"Oh right. I think he thinks she's, uh, the child of an alternate universe version of him in another world. Or something. She has memories consistent with being his child but he hadn't met her before."

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"So - you think there is an alternate universe where you and Leareth are married?" 

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"I guess so? I didn't know there were alternate universes but she speaks the language spoken in Cheliax and she seems pretty sure I'm her mother. - in her universe I am in the church of Iomedae, the Lawful Good god of fighting Evil, so there's clearly some other differences."

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"What does it mean to be in the church of a particular god, in Golarion." 

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"Our gods are more interventionist and empower some people with the ability to perform miracles, as a mark of endorsement and a way of advancing their goals. It's kind of like the Heralds only if you got mage-gifts from being Chosen."

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"Interesting. - Were you part of the church of Asmodeus, in your Cheliax?" 

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"Not in that sense. I attended worship services and I would've been His when I died but I wasn't selected by Him as a priest. If I had been I'm pretty sure they'd just have killed me, when I got involved in - interworld stuff - but I wasn't so they hoped they could work something else out. And eventually they worked out sending me to another world, which would be dangerous to do if I were a priest of Asmodeus."

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"...'They' being who, in this case? I assume not Leareth, but I - think we are still piecing together all of the different aspects of this situation."

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"No, I got captured by some paladins of Iomedae and then they asked a powerful priest of Nethys, the god of magic, for an unrelated favor and she offered to deal with me too. And sent me here. It was a complicated situation because holding wizards prisoner isn't easy with our kind of magic, and they wanted to keep me from reporting to Asmodeus, and also if I died I'd report to Asmodeus, so they were considering turning me into a stone statue or something. They decided on this instead."

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"They could have turned you into a statue? I - that - you can't do that here. I don't think even Leareth could." 

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"...Speaking of that, we'd also like to know more of how your magic works, and observe some of it if we can." 

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"Of course."

And she gives them the explanation and demonstration; she needs to recast her translation spell pretty soon anyway. Talking about magic is much less terrifying and confusing than talking about local geopolitics or the merits of various gods, though even that is less confusing now that she's read a book of a Herald explaining how Heralds can get what they want. 

She likes magic. It is obvious that she's much happier doing it.

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Savil is suitably impressed, and also seems much more at ease on this topic. 

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Lancir has more questions about the history of Golarion, and then eventually he clears his throat. 

"This - is a bit of an awkward question, but - what would Leareth do, if...you decided after talking to us that you thought he was in the wrong here?" 

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"I'm not sure. I think probably he'd want to talk about why. Assuming I didn't have a reason that he thought was very good... he might - let me in the same spirit he let me pretend to escape? I don't - think it'd matter, to his war efforts, if I was here working for you instead, I don't think it'd change the strategic situation any, and maybe I'd change my mind again. I think that's how he'd see it. But I wouldn't bet very much on it."

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"And if he thought your reason was a good one? I suppose I don't know how he judges which reasons are good, maybe just you disagreeing with him would incline him to think it wasn't a good reason, but."

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"I don't think that's it. I think it'd have to be - something more important than the thing where everyone here dies forever, though. Uh, if I had a good reason then I guess he would probably also have that good reason and would agree? Or agree it was worth spending some time looking into?"

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"I wouldn't say that murdering a lot of people in an invasion and then again to make a god seems like the most logical response to a person thinking death is bad." 

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"...what would the most logical response be?"

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"I'm not sure! I...guess I'd have to think about it. I probably wouldn't try to fight the gods about it, if that's what he's doing. Why does he even think he can succeed at this, anyway?" 

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"It does seem rather.... pathetic, doesn't it. But - people say we're like ants, to the gods, and ants can kill people, if they play their cards right. And maybe he'll really just be a tool in one god's plan to undermine another one, that's how it often goes when people think they're defying Hell, but - if we get an afterlife out of it that seems like a success, right."

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"- Goodness, 'pathetic' is not the word I would have chosen there at all. Megalomaniac?" Savil frowns. "...The lack of afterlife must seem a lot more egregious to you. Being used to having one. It's - just the way things are, here." 

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"If you're accustomed to thinking that if you're not stupid you have forever, then it's - a lot to lose. I guess if you've always known you'll just die one day and be gone then you get used to that."

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"Yes, I imagine so. It's - hard to guess, whether I'd feel any differently about this plan of his if I'd grown up in your world." Lancir frowns at her. "What do you reckon Iomedae's people would think of it? Er, that's the Lawful Good one, right." 

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"I expect they'd be against, I don't think you can get Good if you murder innocent people."

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...Lancir nods.

"I see. I...think that's all our questions for right now, I'm sure we'll think of more. Er, do you have any for us?" 

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"Is it all right if I do magic, not on other people obviously?"

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"You need to do magic even just in order to talk to us, right? I think, yes, we're fine with that, but it would be good if you warned us when you're planning to. We're - a bit twitchy, right now." 

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"I understand. I can warn someone. I don't think there's anything else."

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"Thank you. We - appreciate your being willing to come back down and talk with us." 

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"I can get you set up with a guest room here," Savil offers. And then adds in Mindspeech: :Van still wants to talk to you. Apparently: 

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:I’d be happy to talk to him. Now?:

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:Probably not right this second, I'll show you to your room and tell him where it is and he can, um, head over once he's gotten himself prepared for it?: 

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:Sure.: She’s nervous but she’s not sure why.

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Savil shows her to the guest room. 

It's - small, and drafty, and very clearly less nice than what guests in the palace in Cheliax would be offered, but it's...fine. There's a bed, and a desk, and a chamber-pot in the corner. 

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Well, she's not going to complain about her quarters, though even if Valdemar is poorer than Cheliax it's actually odd for their palace to be notably much worse, that doesn't take a ton of money.

 

:Thank you.: 

 

 

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:You're welcome: 

Savil gets her settled, shows her how to ring the bell to call a servant if she needs anything, and then heads off, leaving her alone except for a bird determinedly pecking at something on the windowsill. 

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Which might or might not be - no, that's not how the local magic works -

 

She puts her possessions away and paces and then takes notes on magic experiments to do later.

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And a while later, there's a very tentative knock on the door. 

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She goes and gets it. Tries to think at him, :I will need to cast Tongues to understand you.:

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:Um, all right: Vanyel is holding himself very tense, but looks more curious than miserable. 

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She steps back from him and casts Tongues on herself. It is clearly using a lot of magical power to do something totally incomprehensible but it's also clearly doing it to her whatever it is.

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Vanyel looks suitably impressed. "Wow! How - does the magic know how to do that?" 

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"Our magic relies on some kind of underlying structure that lets it do information, yours doesn't, we haven't been able to figure out what the difference is - aside from that you can learn ours, if you want to." Shrug. "We have a lot less flexibility with it but the things it can do include a bunch that would be too complicated for Velgarth magic."

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"Huh." Vanyel looks thoughtful. He glances around the room for somewhere to sit. "...Anyway, er, how - are you? Are you... Um, I wasn't sure how much you were here - of your own will, or because Leareth made you..." 

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"Seems not very wise to send a representative who doesn't want to be there....I guess if I cared about the kid he could make it work?" Shrug. "I agreed to come. I was a little worried that you wanted to kill me or wanted a hostage or something but Leareth didn't think it was likely and if it's not - it just seems fairer, if you know what's going on."

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Vanyel gives her a puzzled and slightly offended look. "We're not evil. We're not going to kill you." 

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"Does Valdemar not put people to death for espionage?"

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Vanyel looks uneasy. "I...guess we probably ever have? But - you didn't actually hurt anyone, and - it seems unfair, right, you were - obviously being coerced by Leareth..." 

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"Well, if it's contingent on how obvious people consider it that I was coerced by Leareth, then I might bet I can sell that but I wouldn't sleep very easily, would I?"

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Vanyel seems unsure how to parse that. "...Are you, er, saying you weren't coerced about it?" 

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"I don't really know how safe it is to argue about that and I don't think I know how you'd define it. I think it's ambiguous enough I would not expect all courts to conclude that I was?"

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Vanyel ducks his head, looks sheepish. "Er, sorry, I'll - stop..." He shakes himself a little. "I - sorry, I got distracted. I wanted to talk to you because I - I guess I'm trying to understand what Leareth wanted, when he was talking to me. He's so confusing. I was - sort of hoping you'd understand him better, since you've been around him more." 

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"I can try? I guess I don't find the things he's said to me very confusing. He wants places to be - prosperous and nice - and for people to not die forever - and the existing gods object but he thinks if he made a new one things will get better, so he plans to do that."

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(Vanyel winces, turning away from her slightly, and blinks hard as though trying to hold back tears.) 

"Doesn't he, um. Need to kill a lot of people to make the god. That seems - counterproductive." 

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"....counterproductive?"

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"If he thinks it's bad when. When people die." 

(For some reason Vanyel is flinching even more about this sentence.)

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"It's bad that when people die then they - don't exist anymore and they will never be able to do anything ever again. If when they died they went to a decent afterlife then it wouldn't be very bad I think?"

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Vanyel blinks, hard, and then turns his face toward the opposite wall and breathes unsteadily and doesn't say anything for the next thirty seconds. 

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Carissa has absolutely no idea what to do with strangers having emotions in her vicinity. Why would they do that.

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Vanyel gets himself under control. He seems fairly practiced at this. 

"Anyway. I - just, Leareth sort of - told me at the very start that he was - trying to do the right thing. That would help people. Does...that seem true, to you." 

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"I think he's trying to build his god and I think he expects his god to make things nicer for people. I don't - think he's pretending to try to build a god, he's doing lots of things that only really make sense if he's trying to build a god like he said, and I don't think he's pretending to want the god to make things nice for people because - I mean, he's immortal himself, right, he's the only one in the world who doesn't need it..."

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"...Huh." Vanyel takes a deep breath. "So I don't know if you knew this. But we're pretty sure Leareth was - kidnapping mage-gifted children from Valdemar. And - supplying magic artifacts to, er, really horrible people. I, just, I - don't understand how you can...be the sort of person who cares about making things nicer for people. And then go and do things like that." 

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"The - confusing thing - is that he - 

- oh! He's not Good! He just for his own reasons wants everything to be nice for everyone! 

 - probably that's not actually a good explanation, sorry -"

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"No, that seems like -" Vanyel shakes his head. "I - don't know what you mean by Good, I think that's - some sort of Golarion god thing, right? But...that does sort of seem like the thing? He's not trying to be a good person - he literally said that to me - just, I think it still looks like he cares, whatever that even means..." 

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"Yeah. Good is - I don't think it's very different than the Heraldic thing, even if you haven't explicitly got the concept. If you're Good there's things you won't do, because they hurt people, and sometimes you're allowed to but you have to have lots and lots of circumlocutions about it, I interpreted it at the time as 'you have to act very apologetic' but there's a bit more to it than that, I think... and Good people are kind of mutually-verifying, when they describe to each other the decisions they made they're mostly going to conclude each other are Good, which you can use for coordination... He's not going for that. But you can not be going for that and still not want everyone to die forever. I'm not going for that and I don't want everyone to die forever. Asmodeus stopped Rovagug from eating the world."

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"Asmodeus is - the god of Hell who wants to torture everyone forever, no?" Shudder. "If Leareth is going for being like him then, gods, I obviously have to fight him." 

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"Not forever! For centuries but that's objectively a very small fraction of forever! Also he doesn't prefer to torture people it's just the expedient way to get them to stop being defiant. - Leareth is not going for being like Him, if he were he could just find Golarion which would probably be faster and wouldn't require killing anyone."

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Vanyel spends a while staring at her, looking like he very badly wants to be able to agree or nod along sympathetically or something but cannot, quite, find a way to make it fit together. 

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"Most people who aren't from Cheliax think Hell sounds really bad. I don't know how to - think about who's wrong, there, or what it'd mean to be wrong, but certainly we can do better than it."

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Now Vanyel is giving her an even more baffled look. "I - what does it - even mean, that you don't know what it'd mean to be wrong but - that we can do better? Aren't...'wrong' and 'better' talking about the...same kind of thing...?"

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"I think you can make a god that uses more of people than Asmodeus has use for. I don't know if any of the other Golarion gods are that. I don't think any of them would win, in a fight with Asmodeus, so it seems like an error to shape people towards suiting them, rather than Asmodeus. But here, we don't have to think about who is going to win, so we can just - try to make the god that is the best possible one for humans, since it's humans making it and we don't have any reason not to try to make us valuable to it."

 

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Vanyel listens, frowns and visibly tries hard to think about it.

"...Huh, why don't you think any of the other Golarion gods could beat him? It - sounded like there were more not on his side than on his side." 

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"They're kind of all over the place, like, demons are the enemy of both us and Heaven. But Asmodeus is among the oldest, and the one with the most power to act both in his own realm and on the Material Plane, and someday he'll conquer them all. Or, well, so we were told, but the paladins mostly didn't dispute that Asmodeus had the upper hand."

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"Hmm." Vanyel stares past her, hands twisting in front of him. "...I mean, I can't - shouldn't we..." He takes a deep breath. "I - think if Hell is bad then we shouldn't - just abandon everyone who's in Hell in Golarion just because they're not from here, right, it'd - also be better to go save them too...?" 

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"You can't. Even Leareth can't. Heaven tries and all that happens is they murder people, forever, if you die in the afterlife you don't get another one..."

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"Oh." Shiver. "I'm - sorry -" Vanyel looks like he's very unsure of this being the right response.  

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Shrug. "It never really occurred to me to be very upset about it, it's not like anyone on either side would care what I think."

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"That's, er, not something that would make me less upset." 

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"I think maybe Good people are sad about things they can't change sometimes to signal at each other that they would coordinate on fixing those if they could, or something, but in Cheliax wanting something you can't reasonably have is just very pathetic."

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This also seems to be a model of emotions that makes no sense to Vanyel; he makes a couple of different odd faces as he tries it on, and lands on looking very upset again. "I - do your feelings care if they're pathetic and just go away?" 

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"...mostly, yes? Sometimes not really but I can at least fake it."

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"Oh. I'm - sorry you had to do that, that sounds really hard." 

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Now it is her turn to look like she has absolutely no idea how one is supposed to respond to a sentiment like that. "Probably it's harder if you're, uh, Good, and want lots of Good things, and care about people and stuff."

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"Oh. I, um... I used to try to not care about people. But it - made me really miserable. Although I didn't - really realize that, until later, when I - had something to compare it to..." 

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" - huh. Well. I don't suppose I have anything to compare it to. I do like people reasonably often and everything, I have a totally unremarkable generally positive relationship with my parents and siblings and exes and classmates, I think lots of people do fine without ever specifically getting invested in other people?"

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"Mmm, maybe." Vanyel seems unconvinced. He shrugs. Fidgets with his sleeve. "I - does Leareth get - invested in people, that way? He - I can never tell."

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"...you know, I'm not sure. 

I think he cares about you. He was - specifically mad at the gods, for setting you up to fight him."

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"Oh." Vanyel doesn't seem to know where to go with this. He sits, picking at his nails, and looks very miserable and very tired for a moment. 

"...Why did he send you here?" he asks finally. "I, er, sorry, I don't mean this time, but - before, when you - came and seduced my sister and the little girl turned up..." 

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"He wanted me to - actually work for him - I don't think I quite know how to explain it, I was working for him, I was doing magic research to try to reinvent some of the things Golarion wizards know how to do that I hadn't brought with me and I sent him weekly updates and I made him the fanciest kind of headband and I was working on an artifact that lets people fly -

- but I was also working on figuring out whether I could leave, if I decided he was going to kill me, on figuring out exactly how much I can get away with - I had also seduced one of his staff members, to learn more about what was going on and so - there'd be someone who was at least mildly invested in whether I was alive - and he knew that, and he asked what he'd have to do, to have me entirely aimed at his goals. I didn't really get what he wanted. The way to have someone entirely pointed at your goals is to hurt them when they do other things. I think I told him that. It wasn't what he - 

- I think that actually, if you hurt someone when they're doing things that aren't your goals, that gets them entirely pointed at yours but it doesn't get all of them pointed at yours, it just kills some and points the rest, which maybe isn't even worth it if the stuff they were doing otherwise is valuable -

- anyway. I said that I couldn't really - I'd believe whatever he wanted but as long as I'd only ever heard it from him and his staff I'd know that was where I'd learned all of it -

- and he suggested I go to Valdemar. To try to learn more about the world. And verify the things he'd told me. And - figure out whether I expected working for him to get me the things I wanted for myself, the things I was trying to squeeze in on the sides."

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"Oh." Vanyel scowls. "I mean, hurting people unless they do what you want is also horrible - not that I'd've expected Leareth to care about that... Anyway. What...did you end up deciding. After that." 

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"I want him to build his god. And I think - 

- I think he wants me to understand something. And I want to learn it. And I don't understand much of it yet but - it feels like there's something about people which Asmodeus - I wouldn't go so far as to say He didn't understand it but He apparently can't use it, and Leareth can, and that makes it easier to imagine a god that can, and that god seems like - maybe it'd be stronger for it."

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"Oh." 

Vanyel is quiet for a while. 

"I don't think I understand the thing you're trying to say, either. But - I think it'd be really important, if you're right. So...maybe we should try to figure it out together. Or something." He shakes his head. "How did Leareth end up - being the sort of person who'd even think of 'making a god' as an answer to his problems? I don't - that's not a normal way for someone to be, right." 

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"I don't think so. And it'd be pathetic, in most people. But - maybe when you're thousands of years old it's a reasonable way to think. The first ascended human was thousands and thousands of years old when he decided to become a god. I don't know how he even knew it was possible but - I guess maybe it's what you get to eventually."

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"- Does ascending in Golarion also take killing a lot of people." 

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"I don't think so. It takes the Starstone and I guess if you had to kill lots of people to make the Starstone in the first place I wouldn't know. It was formed in Earthfall which killed lots of people but I don't have any reason to think that was a necessary ingredient. ...and Irori ascended without the Starstone and I think if he'd killed lots of people I might've heard about it."

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"Mmm." Vanyel stares into the distance and fidgets for a while, thinking. "- Um, sorry, this - isn't really related, just...can you actually imagine being married to him? Since - apparently you are, in the other world that Pexa's from...?" His face shifts a little toward a smile. "She's really sweet, by the way." 

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"The kid? I don't - really know what to do with kids. Leareth plays with her occasionally when she manages to flag him down in the hallway. 

 

 

I can't figure out the marriage thing. Even - even assuming he went and conquered Cheliax, with Aroden, we have nobles, you'd want to marry one of those. In that world I am apparently a servant of Iomedae, the Lawful Good god of the war with Hell, but - but if Asmodeus weren't in charge of Cheliax then probably lots of people'd be Hers -

- he is sometimes almost flirtatious but I think just for fun, it is hard to imagine him wanting something and not doing it for no reason."

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"Weird." Vanyel shrugs again. "Honestly, just imagining him kissing anyone is - really really weird. I can't picture it at all."

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Carissa pauses, considering it. "I see what you mean. It's the - never reacting or doing anything by accident or indicating strong feelings, it'd go oddly with kissing... 

Calib says everyone says he has absolutely no personal life at all. Though there's a lot of things he doesn't tell people, so." Shrug.

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"He seems very secretive." Vanyel takes a deep breath. "...Anyway. What we were talking about before, the - thing Leareth wanted from you. That you're not sure you understand. It... I don't know, it seems related to - why he bothered talking to me. Which I also don't get - I mean, he was scary but - I don't think he was trying to be as convincing as possible? So I don't really get what he wanted." 

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"I think he thinks you'd - want to do what he wants to do, if he explained it all, and if you could believe he wasn't lying."

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"...Huh. I really don't think I could ever end up wanting to murder people for blood-magic to make a god. I think there are some lines you don't cross." 

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"...What?" 

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"Sorry, I just, I don't really get Good. I'm working on it."

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"- Is Leareth that confused about it too? Does he - not get why he comes across as horrible to us?" 

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"I don't think he's confused. It's just, it was illegal to advocate for Good in Cheliax, and it wasn't really explained in school, besides from that you basically can't be trying to do anything important or meaningful. And that Lawful Good in particular is just a million random rules that don't make anything better but that you have to follow all the time or the other Lawful Good people will shun you. You can - kidnap your allies at the Worldwound and plan on turning them into a statue so they don't tell Asmodeus about you, but gods forbid you don't feed them in the meantime - even if the food could instead feed some person you intend to keep alive! You can keep them chained up underground in a windowless room but you have to show up and make conversation every day for fifteen minutes. You can't kill them if they're pregnant, but you also must act very offended if, accordingly, they propose that they fuck you. You can't tell them to convert but you can kill them for not converting. So many rules, and none of them - you can follow them all to a T and the world won't be any better than it started -"

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"I don't think that's right–" Vanyel stops. Scowls again, rubs his eyes. "I mean, I don't know anything about the Lawful Good people in Golarion, but - I don't think that's what Heralds are, or what we're doing? I - I think when you have a line you don't cross, it's for a reason, it's - it matters that Heralds don't do bad things..." 

Vanyel seems unsure whether he's managing to explain what he means at all. 

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"Heralds - represent your gods, and your gods will punish you if you break their rules. ...that's not what you mean, is it. I ...have a hard time imagining a country where people really believe their government won't do bad things."

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"I mean, it's not not that - King Valdemar prayed and got the Companions as a miracle, and they're good, they'd stop us if we tried to do bad things - or repudiate us..." Shiver. "But that's not why. I think in order to be Chosen you - have to want to do the right thing. Just because it's right." 

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"Every mage in your country is Chosen."

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"...I guess." Vanyel shrugs again. "I - think most people will want to do the right thing, though. If they're strong enough to - help people, to do things that matter - that other people can't do for themselves..." 

For some reason his voice sounds a bit like he's going to cry. 

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"I think mostly you can indoctrinate kids any which way you want and 'help people' is a particularly easy sell on people who aren't from Cheliax, probably."

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"Mmm. ...But it's not about rules, then, right. 'Helping people' isn't a rule, it's - you'd want someone else to help you if you needed it." 

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"The thing Seldasen was interested in - didn't seem like it was about rules. But I'm also - not sure it is opposed to killing people to build gods."

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Vanyel smiles, suddenly. His face looks very different when he smiles, somehow younger and older at the same time.

"You've read Seldasen? I...hmm, I'm - trying to decide if I disagree with that. I mean, Seldasen didn't actually try to do anything like that, when he was alive. He just did - normal good things." 

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"I mean, I think for most people trying to build a god would be a doomed endeavor, it sounds very very hard. But - if he'd known how? He would've written it up as one of the dilemmas in the book but I don't think he would've just said obviously you can never do that."

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"Maybe." Vanyel picks at his thumbnail some more. "I guess you - could be wanting to help people, and think making a god is just worth it, for that - I'm not sure I think Leareth is right but it's not an insane way to think." He frowns. "I - still don't know if that's the thing that was confusing you about people wanting to be good and do the right thing, though." 

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"Just, like, whenever you jump from, 'but is trying to make a god by killing lots of people the best way to help people?' to 'obviously you can't be trying to help people if your plans involve killing them', that's confusing, it's not just you lots of Good people do it but I don't have a good model of it."

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"Hmm, I - still feel like there's a thing there. That - even if Leareth is actually really trying to make things better, he's doing it in a weird way? I...feel like most normal people wouldn't come up with a plan that involved murdering a lot of innocent people in order to help other different people later, because it'd - be too upsetting? It'd feel too unfair and cruel? And it...makes Leareth a lot scarier, that apparently he doesn't feel like that." 

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"Hmmm.

 

 

 

I - does Valdemar not fight wars -"

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"Valdemar doesn't start wars. That's - an example of a bright line, I guess, Valdemar won't invade and conquer other places. We've - fought back in wars that other kingdoms started with us, because not doing that would be failing innocent people too. Seldasen writes about that, right? And - even in peacetime sometimes Heralds have to go arrest bandits and - I've killed people before." He shudders, looks vaguely nauseated. "I - just - I think it's important that the way I feel about that is really really horrible? And maybe Leareth does but if so he doesn't exactly show it." 

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"Why is it important to feel squeamish about it? Are you worried you'd do it more than you endorse if you didn't feel squeamish about it?"

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"...I'm worried someone could end up killing people when it was - most convenient, the least hassle for them. Instead of only when there's absolutely no other way." 

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"I guess that's probably pretty accurate."

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"Leareth seems pretty willing to do things that kill or hurt people whenever it's convenient for him." 

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"Maybe compared to a Herald? He does it much less than a Chelish person, and I don't see why he'd be particularly lenient around me when I don't expect it and don't even consider it a positive quality. What's, uh, a situation where he's killed people for what struck you as particularly little reason?"

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"He cut a pass through the mountains. To take his army through, whenever he was going to invade. It's - where I am, in the Foresight dream. And then later I checked from up at the northern border and I can see it with Farsight too, it's real. Anyway, it was done with blood-magic. I can tell, in the dream, and he didn't even try to deny it when I asked him." 

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"Huh. Did he tell you what the person did?"

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"Who di- Oh, you mean whoever he killed. I think it'd have to be more than one person, it's half a mile long and..." his eyes go unfocused for a moment as he tries to picture it, "...I don't know, it's got to be fifty yards deep, at the point where the walls are highest. Why, do you think he only kills people he's decided are bad anyway?" 

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" - well, if I were doing it I'd use people I needed to execute anyway, first off, it's bad for morale if you just do a lottery or something. Maybe he's just kidnapping random people but that can attract attention, and he presumably doesn't particularly want that?"

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"I guess." Vanyel does not seem incredibly reassured by this idea. 

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"And it affects what his - threshold for killing people is, right, if he's willing to kidnap and kill lots of people to dig a pass then that suggests different things about his priorities than if he had to execute some people for something Valdemar would execute people for too, and used them to build a pass while he was at it."

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Vanyel nods, grudgingly. "Though, I mean, he's willing to invade us without any provocation, which would kill a lot of people." 

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"...would it?"

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"- Yes? Wars kill a lot of people!" 

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"I know wars kill a lot of people! Just. Wars kill a lot of people if the invading army doesn't mind killing a lot of people, or if the two sides are roughly evenly matched enough the war can drag out, and if I were a ninth-circle wizard - which Leareth isn't, that's just my reference point for what someone who is a thousand years old can do - 

- I could assassinate everyone in the palace in their beds on the same night with message-activated Symbols of Death and the same thing in the building that the Heralds sleep in, and then have parties show up to all the local nobles with terms first thing in the morning."

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Vanyel REALLY does not seem to find this reassuring at ALL!

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This makes her a little nervous but it feels like an important point so she keeps going. "If he wants there to be lots of people around for the god plan he has lots of incentive to keep people alive for that, no matter how little you expect he values their lives in general. I would expect his first three plans to all be plans to decapitate Valdemar while killing less than a thousand people. Maybe even less than that. If I were a ninth circle wizard and didn't want any casualties I could petrify all the leadership instead, and then wake them up in exile in my personal demiplane. Good coups are totally bloodless."

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Vanyel shudders. "I - guess that'd be the smart thing for him to do. And then the army would, what, just be to stand around looking scary so the nobles don't fight back?" 

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"Or so that the neighbors don't get clever and figure it's a perfect time to invade while the Heralds are gone and Herald-related military infrastructure is in chaos and the Guard's figuring out who they're loyal to."

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"I guess." Vanyel stares down at his hands. "...What do you think it'd take, to persuade him not to invade Valdemar." 

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" - some other way to build the god, probably?"

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"Hmm." Vanyel takes a deep breath, then sits up straighter, squaring his shoulders. "I guess I should try to help him think of one, then. That...seems a lot better than trying to Final Strike him and not even accomplishing anything because he's immortal." 

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" - yeah, it really does. You could - ask him what he's tried. And Golarion magic might change his options."

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"Mmm." Vanyel seems to be trying hard to consider it, for a few seconds, and then his expression sort of crumples and he half-turns away. "It's not fair. It's - I can't possibly teach him anything he didn't already think of - I wish I just had to Final Strike him, at least I know how to do that." 

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"There are admittedly a lot of other people presumably working on it? If you'd rather, uh, run an orphanage, that seems - fine -"

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"He's my destined enemy and all, I think I have to do something about him." 

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"...you mean you think your gods will be mad if you don't?"

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"No, or that isn't the point, just, it's my duty to Valdemar." Shrug. "I guess the Foresight dream didn't know you were going to turn up. Maybe it's pointless for me to do anything now that there's enough else going on."

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"Maybe your gods will send more detailed instructions now that the situation has changed?"

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"Given that no one even knows which god made the Companions, I - kind of doubt it. I sort of wish I could ask -" 

Vanyel breaks off and doesn't complete this sentence. 

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She notices this but doesn't comment on it. "It's weird to me that people don't know what god it was. That's not usually how it works in Golarion."

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"I think the way it is in Golarion seems weird to us! We're, um, used to gods being very mysterious and not just up and talking to people or letting them do miracles on demand." 

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"I mean, they don't talk to most people. But their church can serve them better if they have any idea what they're supposed to be doing."

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"Honestly I'm not sure how much our gods care about the temple orders that worship Them. ...I guess the Star-Eyed really does have Her people serving Her, fixing the Pelagirs and all. And She does talk to the Tayledras, well, sort of. My friend Moondance gets weird premonition-feelings from Her." 

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"And your gods basically pick clerics, except the thing where they pick every mage in the country is weird, I don't know what they get out of that."

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"That's the Companions, unless you think they're getting secret instructions. And...hmm. I think they - maybe don't want a lot of mages running around doing whatever they want? Or, it matters more that mages get good ethics education, because we're powerful, and - for the same reason we can help more people." 

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"It makes sense to want all your mages under control of the church but it suggests their constraints are different than Golarion gods, who couldn't choose every sorcerer even if they wanted because they need people to be - close enough - I guess they mostly don't pick kids and maybe it'd work fine for a god to pick kids. - maybe it happens somewhere and I just don't know about it."

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"Close enough how? That - makes me wonder if any of them'd be able to pick me." From Vanyel's face, he would be kind of relieved if the answer were no. 

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"You have to be within an alignment step of them? I think there's more to it than that, I'm lawful evil but I still could be the wrong shape. But at minimum you have to be within an alignment step, that's a hard limit."

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"Do people here even have alignments the way people in Golarion do? I don't know how I'd know what mine was, we - don't really have the same concept." 

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"I'm not sure. I could reinvent the spell for it - probably should, it'd be informative - but I haven't yet."

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"Mmm. I'd be curious." He frowns, thoughtful. "You said Leareth isn't Good - are you figuring he'd be Evil by this, even though you're claiming he wants to help people?" 

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"Probably. It's still mostly true that if you are trying to do anything big or meaningful you're Evil unless you're - going specifically far out of your way to do it in a Good way."

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"That seems like a bad system? I - feel like when say the word 'good', I just mean things that make the world better? And if you can make the world better in a big meaningful way, that seems like it should be more Good than doing it a little bit, not less?"

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"You can't, at least in Velgarth. Leareth says every time he tried the gods stopped him. Because they don't want your world to be technologically advanced. - that's not the point, because this heuristic is from Golarion anyway, just. I think - most ways to do something big hurt people. Conquering countries. Assassinating people. Even a King who just wants to govern wisely and make his people prosperous has to put down rebellions and ferret out traitors and stop his half-brother from poisoning his breakfast and - if a random woman from another world gets dropped on him he has to be the kind of person who seizes that, not the kind who lets her run off, and I think that gets you to Evil, more or less, unless you have a hobby of opening soup kitchens and healing beggars."

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"...Hmm." Vanyel seems unsure what else to say. 

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"It's the thing you said, right, about how hurting people to get what you want is Evil, but it's very hard to get anything done without any hurting people to get what you want. Even if Leareth doesn't hurt his staff."

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"Does he not hurt his staff because it wouldn't get him what he wants anyway, or because he would rather not hurt people? ...I don't know how much that actually matters. But it feels like it might." 

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"I'm - not sure those are different?  I think ....that the reason hurting his staff won't get him what he wants has to do with what he wants? The parts of people he's trying to use are the parts that are hard to encourage with torture, and I think that's part of why he thinks torture is bad."

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"I think for most people those are different? And - even if you could get what you wanted by hurting someone, you'd still think it was bad because making people suffer is bad." 

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"- why is making people suffer bad?"

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Vanyel seems to consider this an almost stupidly obvious question. "People don't want to be hurt, and doing things that people don't want to them is bad. And - it's damaging, right, it messes up people's heads." 

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"I don't think so? And lots of the time it's reasonable to do things to people that they don't want, thieves don't want to get caught and children don't want to go to school and people on a long march want to sit down, I don't see how torture's any different."

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"...sorry?"

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"Have you. Asked people. Have you CHECKED if literally anyone who, er, isn't from Cheliax, thinks it's not any different from your parents making you go to school? Because I don't think anyone in Valdemar would agree with you! Also I'm pretty sure it would still traumatize you even if you thought it shouldn't!" 

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"I'm sure if you survey people in Good countries who have never been tortured and have only heard about it in propaganda about what their terrible enemies do, they'll say it's very bad! And 'traumatized' is sometimes a word for 'correctly learned a lesson' and sometimes for 'incorrectly learned a lesson', it's stupid to group the two."

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"Arghh!" Vanyel stomps over to the desk chair and flings himself down. He yanks at his hair. "I don't even know how to argue with you about this!" 

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- she flinches and steps back against the wall, looking suddenly smaller. "- I'm sorry. I just hadn't thought about it before. I'm still learning about what it's like in other places."

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Vanyel hunches down smaller as well. "...No, I'm sorry - I'm not mad at you. I...think you're probably really traumatized, is all. From living in Cheliax, it sounds horrible." 

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"I liked it there. I think I - mostly learned useful lessons but then a series of incredibly improbable things happened and they may not have all been the right lessons for incredibly improbable things happening all the time."

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"I don't..." Vanyel massages his forehead with both hands. "I'm sorry, I don't know how to say this in a way that's not offensive. Just - my opinion as a Herald, for whatever that's worth, isn't that it's good you were able to learn how to be scared all the time so you wouldn't die, it's - that places like Cheliax shouldn't exist. That Asmodeus is - trying to break people, that's what he does, and that's horrible."

He scrunches up his face. "...Also I'm sort of confused what your point even is. If torture works as a punishment - if you're scared to defy someone because they might hurt you - isn't that in itself saying that torture is bad? Because if it was actually fine then you wouldn't care that you might get tortured about it?" 

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"....no? Torture is aversive, it is motivating, it is an effective way for people to learn certain kinds of lessons, if you don't want them to learn those lessons it's a bad way to accomplish your goals, but none of that's a reason that it's - broadly to be avoided, if you do want people to learn those kinds of lessons, or if you want to - how does Valdemar punish pickpockets or men who get into drunken brawls with the guards..."

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"...People don't get into drunken brawls with Guards all that often because it's stupid and they'll lose. Um, I guess people who brawl a lot get banned from all the taverns? And pickpockets are - hard, it's sad, a lot of them are only stealing because they're hungry. They...usually get a night in gaol? And if they do it enough the locals recognize them on sight and they get kicked out of all the nice neighbourhoods. I dunno, I - guess maybe we could have fewer pickpockets if we tortured them, but then they'd be getting tortured. Which is bad!" He grimaces. "- And I think it'd do bad things to the Guards - or mean the Guard was more likely to be mostly horrible people, if part of their job was torturing criminals?" 

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"I mean, you have specialists for it, it's not the same job as street patrol. Having less pickpockets is really valuable, it means your streets are safer for honest people, and your country gets richer, which means you have less pickpockets only stealing because they're hungry."

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"Mmm. Maybe. I just - I don't know, it still feels like - maybe then you end up with a country that's richer where people follow all the laws and also it's like Cheliax, and - random ordinary people are scared all the time and - think torture is fine, which you'd expect to correlate with them being fine with hurting people less powerful than them, right. And I think people having to be scared is - bad in itself. Whether they're scared of being pickpocketed or scared of being tortured because someone powerful wants to teach them a lesson." 

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"I mean, I agree that you shouldn't have to expect you'll be randomly grabbed off the streets and tortured, it's important for punishments to be administered in response to crimes and not at random. But I think you should actually enforce your laws, with a punishment serious enough that people don't think it's a fine chance to take, or you practically don't even have that law."

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"I mean, we execute murderers! And - I think being caught pickpocketing and dragged off to gaol is scary, and pretty miserable to be there for a day, enough that - I think it makes people not want to risk it happening again? And, I mean, someone who was desperate enough to feed their family might risk torture too, I - think I would, if it were me." Shrug. "And it seems like you're scared to cross Leareth even though he's not in favour of torturing you for breaking the rules." 

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"I don't think I am very scared of him or I wouldn't have tried the pretend escape. I'm disinclined to because it won't work but it's hard to get your law enforcement to the level of guaranteed to fail that Leareth can manage for one specific valuable prisoner. 

I don't really see why - gaol being scary and miserable is fine but if they actually whip the prisoner then that's suddenly out of line."

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"- It still feels different. I'm not sure how to explain why." 

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"I was beaten in school for being the bottom of the class at languages and my grades improved."

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"- Huh. I was - basically beaten a lot by our weapons teacher because I was no good at swordfighting and it just made me hate his guts and not even want to bother trying." 

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"Huh. I don't know what the difference is."

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"- Do you like or dislike learning languages now? ...I guess I actually like swordfighting fine, now, once I had a teacher who taught a style that worked for my, er, stature." He gestures vaguely at himself; he is in fact very short and slim for a man. 

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"I'm still terrible at languages but I passed the class anyway. ...in Golarion spellcasters mostly don't do swordfighting. Because you generally don't want to be anywhere near the front lines of any fight."

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"Oh, I mean, I don't take a sword to real fights. It's just fun to spar with my friends who aren't mages. And it's good for training reflexes and staying fit, which does matter for our kind of magic." 

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"That makes sense. I'm - glad you like it now. If there had been a way to make you like it and be good at it but it hurt would you really have minded that? Exercise ...often hurts...sparring in particular..."

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"I guess it's not just the pain? I - mind just pain less, magic hurts too sometimes. It's...the humiliation, the - knowing that he was beating me in front of everyone and enjoying making me look stupid, because he could get away with it, even though I was half his size and it was obviously not fair... He broke my arm once, too." Vanyel's fingers twitch, curl into a fist. "I'm still mad about that. One of the only things I loved as a child was playing music, and - it took me ages to be any good at playing the lute again, after, I never did get all the feeling back in that hand." 

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" - yikes. We had good magic healing, that might be an important difference, it was supposed to hurt but it wasn't supposed to damage you and you could go get it healed up afterwards if it was worse than expected, or just if you could afford it and didn't want to wait. I don't - like being humilated but you're not supposed to like punishments, and it's not like being dragged off to gaol isn't humiliating."

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"- I mean, sure, but not being suited to a particular style of swordfighting isn't breaking the law. And neither is being bad at languages." 

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"I guess you could argue that you shouldn't torture people except as a punishment for crimes and should just let them fail out of school if that's what they seem inclined to do but probably lots of those kids could be wizards with the right motivation."

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"Savil said that when I teach people, it works better to focus on rewarding them for succeeding, and encouraging them when they're frustrated or scared, or helping them figure out why something is hard so they can do better at it." 

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"I am not surprised that's how Good does it but it's not how Cheliax does it and we have by far the most wizards per hundred children in the world."

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"I mean, there could be lots of causes for that! You might also have, um, more money to pay teachers, or something?" 

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"I think we do! But still, it's a reasonable starting point, that the best schools in the world use a teaching method that is at least reasonably good."

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"Mmm, I guess." 

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"In most countries I'd be lucky if anyone taught me to read, and then married at twenty to a friend of my father's. Also people'd shun my mother for being divorced. Also even if I somehow managed to be a wizard I would never get funded to go to the Worldwound."

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"I agree that's bad! It just - seems like a different unrelated dimension, to me." 

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"I don't think it's unrelated. I think being a decent place to live requires being willing to do what works."

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"...I mean, to me a place being somewhere you get hurt for being rubbish at a particular subject in school is - that just makes it a less decent place to live? I guess it could be worth it, maybe, but - I don't feel like Cheliax actually tested it both ways, right? Because Asmodeus - likes people better when they're scared and traumatized. And cares about what's good for Him, not what's good for them." 

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"- I agree that he cares about what's good for Him. I don't think that actually cashes out to liking people - traumatized? Devils aren't, like, scared of their own shadow, they're just very - clear-minded, and not squeamish, and not naive or impulsive..."

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"...Huh. That - all right, my first thought is that description sounds like Leareth. But - I don't think Asmodeus would even want a Leareth in Hell, so, I don't know, I think I'm - still missing something." 

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"I think He'd want a Leareth who worked for Him. Leareth's very used to working for himself, though. I think maybe even his own god will be a nasty surprise - not because it'll be secretly terrible, but because he's not accustomed to belonging to anyone at all."

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Shrug. "Or he might be relieved? Needing to figure it out all by himself for centuries on end sounds so tiring." 

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"Maybe."

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Vanyel shifts his weight, sort of uncomfortably. "I mean, I - don't think I could - be Leareth, do what he's done. Going on and on alone for centuries. I don't know how he's done it at all." 

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"Well, maybe he started out doing other stuff, and came to this only because the gods kept wrecking his other stuff."

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"Honestly if the gods kept wrecking my stuff like that I think I'd just give up and die and leave it to someone else." Vanyel's voice is surprisingly bitter. 

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"But then you'd be - dead. And not even get an afterlife."

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Another shrug. "I - don't expect an afterlife to. Actually be any better. Than this." 

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"Do you....not like existing?"

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"....Not really, no. I - there are things I have to do, I - have duties - but I, I don't, not since..." 

He trails off incoherently, again sounding like someone on the edge of tears. 

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" - wow."

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Vanyel doesn't think of anything to say. For a somewhat awkwardly long time. 

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Carissa has no idea what to say! Her opinion is that it is pretty damning about Valdemar if the people in it don't even want to continue existing, but it would obviously be unproductive to say that. Leareth explained that Vanyel was injured in some fashion by the death of a ...lover? She can't think why that would make you want to not exist, though.

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Vanyel finally tries to collect himself. "I - sorry - um, I'm - not giving a good representation of Heralds, am I. Most Heralds - don't feel like that about it. Being a Herald is - fine, lots about it is really good, it's not terrible..." 

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"Liss said they - really overwork you -"

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"That's more mages, not all Heralds in general. Savil - I think she just likes working more than other things, honestly. And I - I might as well work, the only thing I'd be doing otherwise is being stupidly sad." 

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"That seems wrong but I don't know enough to dispute it."

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Vanyel blinks. "...Huh. That - seems like something I want to try to understand, though. Which part do you think is wrong?" 

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"...from one angle, it seems bad that your mages, who are your country's - most valuable asset - are overworked, they're not going to have time for their own research and tinkering and reading and travel to hang out with other mages and all the other stuff that - I know you're not wizards, but when I was in the army, which is not known for letting people slack off, I was supposed to put in eight hours a day enchanting items and twenty minutes on unit discipline and the rest of the time was for making friends and studying their magic items and talking shop with other wizards and reading books, and I'm not even a very important or powerful wizard, because - because it'd be insane, to have narrowed down already - and you're younger than me -

 

- from another angle, uh, how do you know you'd just be pointlessly sad if you weren't working? What if you didn't work and also..did things you liked?"

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"I don't -"

Vanyel turns away, fixing his gaze on the wall. 

"I'm sad a lot," he says, wearily, woodenly. "I - was lifebonded. To someone." He takes a shuddering breath. "Who died. I - I don't know if your world has lifebonds..." 

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"...no."

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Vanyel hugs himself. "It's really rare. It's - the Tayledras say it only happens when the gods meddle, I don't know if they're right, but given - everything about my life..." He lifts a hand, helplessly, lets it fall. "Most people - don't survive. Losing a lifebonded partner. I - have the record for that, but, um, but it's - how I got mage-gift at all..." 

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"The gods - glue peoples' souls together?"

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"A - pparently. I guess. I'm...not actually sure how it helps Them." 

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"It - makes you want to die? And they wanted you to - Final Strike Leareth?"

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".......Right. There's that." 

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"Seems like - using awfully little of you."

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"I - don't think They care about that." 

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"Well, no, of course not, why would They? But - I bet Leareth's god could use more."

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"Is - that actually what Leareth's going for? I - I don't know, it just feels like a very Cheliax sort of framing on it. And, I mean, Leareth isn't Good but - I don't feel like that's his thing." 

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"- I think probably he'd use different words for it. But - in practice, nothing keeps you alive if you're not useful to it. The best possible god is one that everyone's useful to, and not just for their ability to die violently."

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"I guess? I - as a Herald I've tried to save a lot of people from danger even though they weren't useful to me at all, it - it'd be sad if a god were worse than that." 

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"I guess I don't really think you'd -

- I think if you didn't serve a god who demanded that of you and shredded your soul and stuff then, uh, the way you lead your life wouldn't sound appealing, and it's not very surprising that someone with more power wouldn't lead it."

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"I don't think helping people just because I can is - really related to the, um, the other thing. But I guess maybe if I had - more to lose, I'd be more reluctant about it." 

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"I just - don't see why you'd help people just because you can if your god wasn't insisting on it. Is it - fun? You seem miserable!"

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"...He wasn't miserable about it." 

Vnayel's face clenches. He turns away toward the wall. "His - name was Tylendel - he was a Herald-trainee... He was so happy about it, he was - proud, that he would be able to help people - he thought it was an honour. And - it's not fair, that - that he's dead, that he - never had a chance to do that. But - I owe it to him. To do my best. To do it for him instead." 

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And then Vanyel bursts into tears. 

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Probably his god has done a number on him and there's no point pointing out that it's not really honoring a dead person to get in the way of making the god who'll give them an afterlife in favor of making yourself miserable doing something that the dead guy liked to do for fun. 

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Vanyel manages to collect himself within about thirty seconds. "Sorry. I, er, I - should probably go. Sorry." 

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"Sure. Uh, nice talking with you."

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"Sorry," Vanyel says again, and flees. 

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....she probably screwed up something, there, but she's really really not sure what.

 

She sits down and fidgets for a while.

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Eventually a servant arrives with a meal for her, accompanied by one of the other Heralds. :Carissa?: the man says. :I'm sorry, I don't think we were introduced. Herald-Mage Kilchas: 

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Small unthreatening Carissa, just to be safe. :Hello.:

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:Er, we've just been talking about planning the next few days and what we should talk about with you. You got everything you need here?:

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:I do! Thank you.:

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:I'm glad. So, anyway, I think the Senior Circle is planning to meet with you again in the morning, if that works for you?: 

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:That works fine for me. Thank you.:

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:Perfect!: Kilchas gives her a time for when someone will come collect her, makes a few more sentences worth of inconsequential small talk, and then heads out. 

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Well, supposedly these people are all terrible liars and none of them have said they want to kill her. 

 

She eats. She paces.

She decides after a few minutes that pacing is stupid, and instead works on her magic notes, though she's inattentive enough she doesn't get much done. She vaguely imagines Leareth being here. She'd feel safer, somehow, even though he's presumably not impressed with inattention. He could explain Vanyel. And he wouldn't be startled that she doesn't think torturing people is a big deal. 

...she digs a splinter into her finger to test her opinion that pain is not really a big deal. It indeed seems not a big deal. But maybe she's missing something.

 

Eventually she sleeps.

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In the morning a woman she doesn't recognize comes to collect her. "I'm Herald Keiran. Lord Marshal's Herald to Queen Elspeth. I hope you slept all right?" 

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- she casts Tongues. "I did. Thank you."

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"Well, come with me." 

The Heralds have some more questions for her, though they still seem unclear on their agenda. They want to know more about how Leareth treated her; how Leareth treats his people in general; they avoid asking about specifics of his army and resources but poke around the edges of that. 

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And then, after a few candlemarks of meeting just with the senior Heralds, she's introduced to Queen Elspeth. 

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Leareth treats her well. She's aware that to Good people she probably seems to have very low standards, but if anything that makes it more notable; she wouldn't have considered Leareth out of line if he'd hurt her, but he still didn't. His people seem very loyal to him; that's enforced with a compulsion, agreed to voluntarily before they get to do anything important. The ones working on secret projects don't talk about them. She doesn't know much about his resources, but the base she was held in is one of many, she thinks, and had a dozen mages and some Healers and Farseers and Mindspeakers and a smattering of miscellaneous other gifts. Nayoki, who arranged her return to Leareth last time, must be a Mindhealer, though Carissa didn't know it until that incident.

 

She is intimidated by Queen Elspeth and settles back on being very small and polite. "Your majesty."

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(The Heralds are unsurprised that Leareth has a Mindhealer; they gathered this from Nayoki's, well, interventions. They seem very intimidated about it, and trying to hide this but Carissa can tell.) 

Queen Elspeth makes a very slight face about being referred to this way, but doesn't comment. "We appreciate your willingness to come back down for this. I wanted to ask you about..." 

And she has a few more questions. Mostly she's watching Carissa closely, with a piercing look as though trying to see through her skin to her insides. Taking her measure. 

The meeting adjourns at lunchtime and the Heralds let her be again for most of the afternoon. 

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Probably they're reading her mind. She's not really trying to pull off anything complicated but she suspects they were hoping for a different sort of person.

 

She mostly stays in her room in the afternoon but heads out for a walk while there's still light for it, half to see if this is allowed. She doesn't go far.

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No one tries to stop her. Some Companions are wandering around in their field, and glance over at her. 

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She smiles back at them. She is harmless and not up to anything. Wanders around the grounds a little.

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Savil comes to find her that evening. :Carissa? We're - still figuring out what else we're hoping for, here, but if you were up for meeting some more people tonight - more than just the senior Heralds, I mean - we think that'd be good: 

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:Sure!: It seems very odd to tell her that they're figuring out what they're hoping for? She doesn't know anything about diplomacy but she thinks you mostly don't share that you are confused or uncertain or things like that. You mostly don't do that in regular life. The paladins did also do it a lot? Maybe part of Good is constantly agonizing about what to do?

:Who would you like me to meet?:

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:Some of the Healers and Bards, to start, and various others we tend to work with, is what I was thinking. You could join some of them for supper, maybe: 

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:I can do that.: It's very frustrating that she cannot read their minds and learn what for but she's not going to chance it here.

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Savil nods, and ushers her out and over to a different building, which contains a large dining hall and various people in different uniforms - Heralds' Whites, green robes, or crimson tunics and cloaks. 

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A teenage girl in robes that are a paler shade of green glances up from the table where she's sitting, and waves. "Hi!" 

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Carissa really wishes she understood what was going on so she could stop feeling like she is wandering around barefoot and blindfolded and might step on broken glass at any moment. She sets this aside, casts Tongues, and smiles back. "Hi!"

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"I'm Shavri!" the girl says brightly. "I'm a Healing-trainee here. You're - visiting from up north, right?" Based on the pause, and her expression, it sounds like she was correcting this description from something else more uncomfortable to say. 

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- giggle. "Yes, that's right. I was sort of Leareth's prisoner and then I grew out of it and then I got asked to come here. I am not sure I'm what they were hoping for, the place i'm from is really different from here."

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"Oh? What's so different about it?" 

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"Uh, mostly that everyone's Evil."

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The girl's nose wrinkles. "What does that mean? That's - I don't really think 'Evil' is a real thing, there's just people." 

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"Where I'm from Evil is a real thing! It means not trying to help people and make things nice for everyone all the time and also when you die going to Hell instead of ceasing to exist."

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"- That all seems like - a really bad idea just from common sense? Er, how - sorry, I didn't mean to be offensive, but, um, how do you even get an entire country of - people like that...?" 

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"Asmodeus is an Evil god and he partnered with the rulers of the country to make it produce better servants for him. It ....works okay. I guess it sounds unappealing to people who like helping other people."

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"- Do you not? Helping people is the best thing!" Shavri bounces a little. She - doesn't seem judgemental about it, at all, just a bit puzzled, and eager to explain this very important fact to Carissa. 

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" - huh. I don't particularly like helping people? Sometimes it's a useful thing to do? What do you....like about it?"

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"Well, I'm a Healer, right? So - I get to do a thing I'm good at, and then people are better and - if they were in pain they stop being, if they couldn't get out of bed now they can - and it's the most satisfying thing in the world. And then usually they're really grateful and happy about it too, but - that's not really the point, I don't mind grumpy patients, it still feels good to - fix them, and know it was me and I made a difference in their lives?" 

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"...so it's sort of, professionally satisfying? Like making a well-made dagger, except with people?"

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"- I guess? Except people are way more interesting than daggers and they have feelings." 

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"That really doesn't seem like a feature! It'd be much better if they did not have feelings!"

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Shavri is looking at her as though she thinks Carissa is very strange. "But then you wouldn't get people smiling when they feel better?" 

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" - I mean, you could make it a condition of helping them, if it's that valuable to you..."

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"I sort of feel like we're having two completely different conversations right now," Shavri says, dubiously. "I don't - that's not why, I don't know how to explain it if you don't know the feeling already..." 

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" - yeah, that's fair. I think I just - don't."

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"Huh," Shavri says noncommittally. She looks sort of sad about this. 

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"It's - good you enjoy your job, though."

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This is safer ground and Shavri is relieved. "It is! Do you enjoy the work you do for Leareth?" 

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"Yeah! I'm just trying to reinvent all the spells that I remember from Golarion, which is usually dangerous, but he made me a powerful protective amulet that makes it safe."

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"Ooh, neat! I heard your magic is really different. What sort of spells have you reinvented?" 

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She can list them all! She has reinvented Eagle's Splendour and Fly and Fireball and Dispel Magic and Gaseous Form and Rope Trick and Magic Missile and Mage Armor and True Strike and Detect Enchantment and Locate Object and Determine Depth and Greater Detect Magic and she's working on Clairvoyance but she's kind of stuck.

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As usual for Velgarth locals, Shavri is less impressed with some spells (Fireball, Magic Missile and Mage Armor can all be done just as well if not better by local mages), and is moderately amazed by spells like Fly and Locate Object, and then jaw-droppingly awed by Gaseous Form and Rope Trick. 

She's sort of bemused by Determine Depth. "Depth of what? Water? That - seems so specific." 

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"It also does thickness of walls. I rederived a bunch of random divinations when I was trying to figure out Clairvoyance, hoping I could see a pattern. Haven't cracked it yet, but -" Shrug. "Does Healing involve researching things? Or just treating patients?"

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"We do some research too! I've been working with Sandra, she's a mage-student, to study how breathing works..." 

And she's off. Shavri, it turns out, can and will eagerly talk SO MUCH about her Healing research. Which apparently involves some amount of killing mice, but is also pretty interesting. 

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Carissa is fascinated and it would literally never occur to her to care about killing mice. "You know, my boyfriend does Healing research, I bet a lot of this would make more sense to him."

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"Really! Ooh. Is he someone who works for Leareth too? I didn't realize he had people doing Healing research as well!" 

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"I think they're mostly there for emergencies or to patch up the mages if they get hurt, but they do lots of research too, because it's not like being on hand for an emergency uses much of their time. I know a lot of their research is also into emergency medicine sorts of things, fast Healing, but there's some other projects too, studying cancers and studying how embryos develop and studying how to reduce the effects of aging..."

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Shavri is vibrating with excitement! "That's so amazing! I wish I could meet him, now, I want to hear all about it -"

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" - I mean, I'm sure he'd hire you, if you want, and you could work with everybody on whatever they're up to -"

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"Oh, no, I couldn't do that!" 

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"Why not?"

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"They need me here?" 

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"....what does that mean? Presumably if you - decided to go work in some other city or something - they'd - hire someone?"

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"I mean, I'd be paid by the Crown either way, unless I wanted to go off on my own for some reason? And Valdemar already doesn't have enough Healers." 

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"- huh. It's inherited, right?"

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"We think so, yes. Or at least potential is, no one totally understands what makes it awaken in some people and not others, but that's probably what's going on when Gifts seem to skip generations." 

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"It seems really weird that you wouldn't have enough. I think in Cheliax if we had a bloodline that useful they'd be aiming to have everyone have potential within a century."

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"....Er. How?" 

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"Attract immigrants, send some of your people overseas to hook up with guys who have it, pay everyone in the bloodline to have kids...."

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"Huh. I...guess. I think people would - feel icky, about going to hook up with Healers in Rethwellan or whatever just to get pregnant." 

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Carissa looks puzzled again. "Well, then they could stay home and other people could go who think that sounds fun?"

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"I'm not sure I know anyone who'd want to do that!" 

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" - oh, is this one of those cultures where if you do that people will think you're a slut and treat you badly about it forever?"

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"...A lot of places, yes. Not everywhere - the Healers aren't as much like that, partly I think because we won't get pregnant unless we want to, but - even then it'd be pretty odd. To do it that, um - gods, I don't even know the right word for it. Transactionally?" 

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" - I mean, I'm hard pressed to think of anything more transactional than sex, regardless of whether you get a free trip to Rethwellan out of it."

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Now Shavri is giving her a very odd look again. "What?" 

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"I guess outside, like, actual purchases."

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"No, I mean - gah - is that how people think of it in Cheliax? That's...so sad... Um, I don't think that's how people here think of it. At all." 

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"I guess maybe that's why you don't have enough Healers," she says, but she sounds not totally persuaded of this. "I don't - even know that you'd need all that, wouldn't Gifted peoples' kids be likelier to not get sick and die?"

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"That's true. I mean, definitely if you're Gifted it's - easier to find someone who wants to marry you, it's popular I guess..." 

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"Well. I'm not an expert but I'm curious what Leareth thinks is going on, there. Anyway, I don't see why you should stay here just because there aren't enough Healers? Is this the place that has the most scarcity of Healers, is that how you decide where to work?"

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"No. I guess not. But - I'm Valdemaran. And I owe something to the Healers here, since they took me in and trained me." 

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"And if you went and studied with other Healers you could come back and teach new techniques here! I'm not saying you should switch sides, just, you know, at the Worldwound I looked at magic swords from paladins, and I hate them and want them all to burn in Hell forever."

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"...Um. Why do you want anyone to burn in Hell forever. That's horrible. Er, unless that's - some sort of weird backward compliment in Cheliax since you're all supposedly Evil." 

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"Normal people in Hell get in line and get assigned something useful! Paladins - well, mostly don't go to Hell, because they're paladins, but the ones in Lastwall were very insistent they'd rather just lie there in Avernus being on fire, and I wish them as much of that as suits them, since I hate them."

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"Why do you hate them that much? They sound - kind of like Heralds, is what I heard from Van. Do you hate Heralds too?"

Shavri immediately goes red, that came out as a much more awkward question than she'd really intended. 

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"No, because they aren't at war with Hell. And didn't kidnap me while I was doing my job at the Worldwound."

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"- I guess it's fair to be pretty sore with people for kidnapping you." 

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"I mean, I'm not mad at Leareth, but he was very lenient about it, and it kind of wasn't his call in the first place."

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"How did you end up being Leareth's prisoner, anyway? I didn't hear much about that part. ...Um, you don't have to talk about it if you'd prefer not." 

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"I think it was arranged in Golarion. They were going to turn me into a statue, because it was expensive to keep me alive and they didn't want to let me go to Hell and tell Asmodeus what they were planning, and then they decided to send me really far away instead, so I couldn't. They sent me, secured thoroughly, to - somewhere in Leareth's territory, one of his secret buildings. He found me right away and took me prisoner."

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"So he had no idea who you were or anything?" Shavri makes a face. "How many secret buildings does he have, anywa– oh, sorry, that's probably one of the kinds of question you're not allowed to answer. Sorry." 

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"I think I just haven't been told things I'm not supposed to tell you. He's got to have a lot of them but I've only been in two, not counting the place where I was found, and I was blindfolded when I was sent so I didn't see it. He didn't know anything about who I was, at first, but I tried to explain, it wouldn't've been safer to try to pretend I was less valuable and I didn't know enough to pretend I was theologically in line..."

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"Theologically in line?" Shavri says blankly. "With who? I didn't think Leareth worshipped any gods, apparently he hates them or something." 

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"He doesn't, but he has ideas about what the god worthy of his effort will be like. And I'd have pretended to be - that, if I'd known what to aim for, and if I could've gotten away with it."

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"Could you have? If you'd know what to fake it about, I mean. I - don't think I could ever be that good at pretending." 

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"I'd need some time, I think, but - I can mostly believe things if it's obviously a good idea."

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"- Weird." Shavri shrugs and doesn't pursue that question further. "Er, what - would the theology be? I'm actually really curious about that! My friend Van says he doesn't think Leareth is terrible, says he's really trying to help, but - it's hard to imagine, you know." 

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"It's that the existing gods want people to be poor, and their societies to be weak, and they don't get an afterlife when they die, but there could be a god who valued humans more and valued more about them, and we've got to build it."

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"Oh." Frown. "I...think I don't really get it, still." 

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"Huh. I don't - know what part of it would be confusing."

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"I don't know why the gods now want us to be poor. I - don't know why a new one would turn out not like that, when we've already got lots. And, I don't think I see the difference between valuing humans more or valuing more of humans, those just seem the same to me." 

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"Well, you could make a god who like Asmodeus can only use people once he hurts them a lot shaping them properly, but who values them very highly and will go to great lengths to preserve every soul, and I'd be pleased enough about that but Leareth wouldn't, I don't think. So he also wants the god to - Asmodeus doesn't like how humans have free will and are defiant and discontent and so on, but maybe you can make a god who doesn't mind that about us. And - every new god changes the balance of power, even if not by very much at first. 

 

I don't know why your gods want you to be poor. It seems weird. Leareth thinks maybe poor countries are easier for them to predict."

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"Huh. Isn't having free will, just, fundamentally part of what it means to be human?" 

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"I'm not sure what that would mean? There were humans before there was free will and I think it was still, you know, pretty like being human except with less contradictory and stupid goals."

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"I...don't feel like 'humans except without free will' would...actually be - people? But I don't think we ever had people without free will, so." Shrug. "I don't know. Your world is really weird." 

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"Your world is actually less weird than I'd expect another world to be. Your country wouldn't be a weird country to exist in Golarion some place I hadn't heard of."

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"Huh, that is interesting. I guess - people are people, and farming is farming, and maybe countries end up looking sort of the same in lots of circumstances?" 

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"Maybe? And there are lots of countries in Golarion that are pretty different from each other so being like one of them isn't saying anything very strong, but like... you have Queens and other nobles and churches and gods who select people to be their servants - with horses, not with spells, but it's not that different -"

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"- I guess? I hadn't really thought of Heralds as being a god's servants. They serve Valdemar." 

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"And Valdemar is some god's, just like Cheliax is."

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"...I guess. They seem less opinionated about it, though." 

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"It seems like they're at least subtler? But Leareth thinks they're very opinionated about things like whether Valdemar should be rich."

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"Oh. Right. I...guess I could see that." Shavri seems to find this idea uncomfortable. 

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"I'm sorry. It seems - tragic, that you're more convenient to your gods when you're poor."

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"Mmm. A lot of things are tragic about this world." 

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"The whole country having to be poor forever feels - bigger than most things that are tragic." Shrug. "I don't think you're not allowed to do healing research though, probably you'd have noticed."

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"Probably." Shavri's enthusiasm for talking about it still seems very deflated, though. 

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Well, maybe she'll come back around to it if she makes small talk about how Golarion healing works.

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Shavri remains more subdued than before, but does gradually perk up and start asking questions. 

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Golarion healing is better for injury and unaffordable but good if you can get it for illness; it's useless for many other conditions Healers can see and treat, though. Carissa can herself do infernal healing with unholy water or a devil's blood but she didn't have either on her when she was arrested and would hardly have been permitted to keep it anyway.

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Shavri thinks this is fascinating! Velgarth Healing has no particular advantage to either injuries versus illness; it just depends how much damage needs to be repaired and how widespread it is. She really wishes she could observe it, does Carissa think she could ever reinvent healing spells or is that only a god-magic thing, not something wizards can do? 

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"If I hit seventh circle I get limited Wish, which can imitate divine spells, but I probably won't hit seventh circle and there's no other way. Maybe once Leareth's god exists it'll pick clerics."

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"Maybe." 

The dining hall is starting to empty, and Shavri apologizes and excuses herself to head out. 

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If no one seems to have instructions she'll go back to her room.

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There are no further instructions. No one bothers her there, either. 

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It is stupid how often she feels scared, here, when it's not causing her to do anything to defend herself.

 

 

She doesn't feel scared like this up north, not since she didn't exactly try to escape. 

 

She stews about this for a while and eventually falls asleep.

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And she's woken in the middle of the night by a blaze of light and magic right next to her bed, and Leareth's voice, "Carissa come across now -" 

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- well she'll do that!!!

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And the Gate snaps down behind her in about half a second, taking just long enough to hear running footsteps and shouts from off in the distance, presumably someone raising the alarm about unexpected magic. 

Leareth reaches for her shoulders. "Are you all right." 

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She was planning to kneel on the floor and hold still until he wanted to deal with her, like before, but that's an odd thing to do if he's reaching for her. She just holds still. She doesn't have Tongues up. She nods.

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"Nayoki -"

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"Clear." 

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"Thank you." Leareth looks so inexplicably relieved. He switches to Mindspeech. :You are certain they did not harm you?: 

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:They... didn't do anything I noticed?:

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:I am very glad. Nayoki does not see anything either. I, just...:

He stands uncertainly for a couple more seconds and then, rather abruptly, hugs her. 

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She is so confused -

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- and letting that show on her face isn't going to help anything at all. She hugs him back. :I assume this isn't just because you missed me terribly.:

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:What- oh, bringing you back here. No: He hesitates for a moment. Takes a breath. :Pexa - disappeared. Despite all of the precautions here. No alarm from the artifact she was wearing: 

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: - weird. Do you - have a theory -:

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:...It did not seem likely it was Valdemar but I could not be sure. It - could be the work of a god, somehow. I am not sure how: 

Leareth releases her and steps back. His body language is, as usual, very calm, but there was genuine distress leaking through in his mindvoice. 

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:Or it could be the people who lost her in the first place? If they had some way to find her?:

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:...I mean, yes, that is a possibility. It is the one possibility where - nothing is actually wrong - so I have been focusing on the others until we - know more...:

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Nod. :I don't think it was Valdemar. They didn't seem at all equipped to provoke a fight and they didn't ask about - how you tracked me, stuff like that...:

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Leareth nods. :I am glad you were not harmed: 

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It's - nice, almost seductively so, to feel like he cares that much whether she's alive. She tells herself to consider, instead of being stupid, not being stupid. :Are they, uh, going to be mad at you.:

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:I cannot imagine they will be pleased. Presumably they will be more alarmed than angry, but - yes. I had better send an apologetic message promptly - after I delegate some things relevant in the case where this was one of the gods, I had better go do that now: 

His eyes stay on her for a moment longer before he turns to go, though. 

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Maybe her next headband update needs to be wisdom instead of cunning because she keeps having no idea how to read him and that seems like a bad thing to be unsure of.  

 

 

 

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For a while no one pays much attention to her, as Leareth's people bustle around. 

:So?: Nayoki asks her eventually. :Was everything all right there before we picked you up?: 

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: - I think so? I might have offended them. I wasn't really trying anything sophisticated what with all of the mindreaders but Vanyel got very upset that I think it's fine to torture people and the other Heralds were harder to read but I think various things upset them, too.:

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:...Maybe. Though I think Vanyel is upset by many things and it is - probably not your fault: 

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:He did seem that way. Upset by many things. I - it has to do with the thing his gods did to him, right, to damage him enough he'd want to die.:

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Nayoki winces a little. :We do not know the details of - what happened to him. But likely yes: 

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:He said that he had a lifebond, which is a kind of soul thing, and then his lover died in the incident that gave him his unusual abilities.:

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:Obviously the gods will use us all however they will, but - it seems like using awfully little of him.:

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:...That the gods here would do such a thing...: Nayoki hugs herself a little. :Where I come from, lifebonds are sacred to the gods, and they curse anyone who interferes with them. I am - it is very horrifying: 

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:Golarion doesn't have them at all. It - seems very horrifying.:

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Shiver. Nayoki doesn't seem to have anything more to add, and awkwardly peels off thirty seconds later. 

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Carissa feels a bit at loose ends. She will....go back to her room, then. And maybe contemplate if there's any way to mindread Leareth without him noticing, so she can stop being vaguely bewildered by him, which is not a good way to be at all.

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(Having been woken in the middle of the night, she probably won't be able to prepare spells today at all.) 

No one else disturbs her for the rest of the night, though. 

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In the morning Leareth is in the dining hall, mostly quiet and subdued. 

:Still nothing: he tells Carissa. :Which is - some evidence it was not a god's work, I would have expected some other related hostile action by now: 

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She naps a bit. Plans her espionage operation. Probably he doesn't keep notes on why he occasionally stares at her searchingly, so she needs to read his mind. However, he's very well-shielded against Thoughtsensing at all times. She could disable his magic items, but it'd be very hard to do without him noticing and he might kill her reflexively even if he wouldn't execute her consideredly. 

...probably it is absurd to do anything about him confusingly hugging her. 

 

 

She nods at Leareth. :I would assume if the gods could do that there'd be no real reason to do it about the kid.:

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:I cannot imagine so. She was among the best-protected and also the least-informed of the people here, unless her knowledge of other worlds was relevant, in which case you were surely more accessible: Shrug. :It - seems likely it was the other me, it is less surprising he could penetrate my security. I do wish I could confirm it, though. There is even less magic to trace than there was from your arrival: 

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:Well, the King of Cheliax would have a lot of options if he were trying to kidnap someone. Rescue someone, I guess, since she's his kid.

 

I don't like not understanding what's going on.:

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Sigh. :Trust me, neither do I: 

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:Did you get in touch with Valdemar?:

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:I did. They are - a reasonable amount of worried and suspicious, I think, but we appear to still be on speaking, well, exchanging-messages terms: 

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:They seem like - like they're trying. They're not very loyal to their god, it's odd. I do not particularly know that I advanced your goals.:

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:- Huh. I had not expected them to consider themselves loyal to any gods, especially since no one knows which one created the Companions, and Valdemar is officially a country where any god can be worshipped: 

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:That's what I mean. Their country is - it is obviously much like Cheliax? There's a god, who selects its leadership, among people with the attributes the god wants. But they don't think of it that way, they just think that they serve Good itself sort of. And don't think of it as an agent with goals.:

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:- Do you think that god's goals particularly resemble what the Heralds think of as their mission? Because I somewhat doubt it: 

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:I don't really have even the slightest guess what the Good gods actually want. I doubt it's - the stuff they set their people to. And - what they did to Vanyel - I'd do it, if I absolutely had to, for some reason. But I'm not Good.:

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:Nayoki told me. Broken lifebond. I - did not know until now. I am surprised he is alive at all, much less - as functional as he manages to be: 

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:He gets upset a lot. I - know it's something that was done to him but it's very disconcerting.:

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:I can imagine. In Cheliax it would make him very vulnerable, no?: 

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:Yeah. And - dangerous to associate with. Smart people don't let anyone know how they feel.:

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:I suspect that is related to Cheliax being Asmodean, and I predict the Heralds feel differently, and are motivated to help him. It is still incredibly tragic, though. I wish I could do something to fix it, but...: He trails off. 

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:Building the god will help, right? If the souls are - there, and it's just that no one does anything with them...:

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:I could retrieve a fragment of him. Maybe. If They have not already shoved his soul into use somewhere else. Souls here are...not all that make up a person, and - I think that could be changed, but not retroactively, it would require new infrastructure: 

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Nod. Shiver. :And there's not magic that can be done to - untear his soul?:

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:Not that I know of, no, and - I know of most magics in this world: 

Leareth falls silent. His eyes rest on her, unreadable as always; it seems like he might be considering whether or not to say something but it's not clear. 

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He's very confusing and it's probably not worth an elaborate espionage plot to make sense of him though only because she can't think how to make it work.

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:I have not mentioned this to anyone else yet: Leareth sends after a moment, :but - I want to figure out precautions I could set up so that: another hesitation, :so that if anything happens to you we can - get you back: 

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:You can do that? For other people, I mean? The ways we know mostly don't - scale.:

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:Neither do any of the options here, short of creating a friendly god. I have not succeeded at setting it up for anyone else, but - this seems important. You are unusually indispensable: 

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Is she?

She cannot really make herself argue, though. 

:I - 

 

- thank you.:

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:It seems premature to thank me when I am not even sure it is possible. But you are welcome:

And he gets up and heads out of the dining hall, presumably on some other important business.

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The thing she does when he leaves, now, isn't really best described as 'trembling', but it's just as distracting.

 

 

Eventually she goes back to her room and rearranges her notes since she can't do magic.

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The rest of that day is uneventful. She gets some updates from Lacie. Another set of de-escalatory messages were exchanged with Valdemar. Leareth decided to be upfront with them about why he grabbed Carissa back, and the reply they sent read as understanding of the situation, even sympathetic, though who knows what they're really thinking. 

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That seems promising. 

 

 

She finds herself dwelling on whether Leareth's plan for the conquest will kill everyone she met, which is not a wise thing to dwell on at all. She stops it. 

Goes to bed early, so she can get her magic back.

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There are no interruptions overnight and in the morning she's left in peace to prepare her spells. 

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- And then shortly after breakfast, Leareth Mindspeaks her from the other end of the facility. :Carissa. Are you busy: 

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:- no.:

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:Stay where you are, I will be there in a moment: 

And then he seems to get impatient, ten seconds later, and goes on. :It was - my other self. Who took Pexa. She is safe: 

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:Oh. Okay. Good.:

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He leaves it at that until he reaches her room. 

:He - they are - it is complicated: His face is showing more than usual; relief, and confusion, uncertainty. :He could talk to me - once, it took a Wish to boost the communication spell, I imagine the day's delay was figuring out wording. He could retrieve Pexa, because - because of a magical working that means he has a link to her soul that he can follow. He cannot reach us here, or help us, there is - something more than distance in the way...: 

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: - huh.

 

 

 

Did he explain the thing where we're married?:

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:We did not have very long to speak. He said -: another hesitation, his eyes still on her, piercing, :- he said that he asked Iomedae. For help finding a wife. And She sent you - the other you - except She did not say why, so the other you spied on the other me, and was caught by him and Aroden - Aroden was human, then, he died as a god and came back as a human and only recently re-ascended...: 

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:He what? Does that mean in my Golarion he's still alive?:

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:They were not sure. They think that your Golarion is also - not too far, exactly, but that they cannot reach it. They asked Nefreti Clepati - their Nefreti, but apparently Nethys sees everything anyway and so does she. The explanation she gave was apparently very confusing, but - that it began from a different underlying fabric of the universe, and they will not be able to find it. I...am unsure what if anything that implies about your world's Aroden: 

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:I ...don't know what to make of that. Any of it, really. The stuff about Iomedae or the stuff about Aroden or -:

 

Shrug. :Who'd he have who could cast Wish?:

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:...I am not sure. We did not have long to speak, and once it was clear he could not travel to us, I - was focusing less on learning his exact resources: 

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:Right, of course.: Headshake. :Did he build the god?:

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:No. He decided that Aroden's war with Asmodeus was more time-sensitive, and then he - allied with Abadar, who could negotiate with the Velgarth gods. And also fight them. I did not get a full explanation, but Abadar won some sort of skirmish with the Star-Eyed and now has influence in Valdemar and - things are better: 

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:Huh. I guess Abadar wouldn't like the everybody being poor thing.

 

 

 

Do you really think it'd improve me to be lawful good????: She didn't mean to say that at all but Mindspeech is kind of just thinking things at someone and it just popped out.

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Leareth considers it, seriously. 

:...I am not sure. Not the way you described the paladins being, definitely, and - probably not the way the Heralds are either, I think either would result in us - working less well together...: Shrug. :The other me gets along with Iomedae. He - said that She understands. What it means to be...actually trying to win...: 

Another long pause. 

:...He said I should try to trust you. That it would - ease the weight on both of us: The overtones are very puzzled. 

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:...trust me with what?:

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:In general? To care about what I care about? With my feelings? I - think he thought it would be much clearer to me than it actually is: 

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:I am not planning to betray you? Maybe I'm underestimating how many resources you're spending hedging against that and should be less cute about it? That - doesn't feel quite it but I don't know what else there'd ...be...:

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:Neither do I. But I do trust the other me, and if he thinks it would be better if I did understand all of it...: He shakes his head. :Do you trust me? Is that - even a meaningful question for you?: 

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:I ...expect that you are doing the things that advance your aims, and it seems not likely you're lying about what those are when I'd work for you anyway and your stated goals aren't even compelling to people locally who are used to not having an afterlife and to the gods barely being able to make use of them at all. I ....expect you would exert yourself a little bit to not kill me even if there was a reason to?: Which is a HORRIBLY EMBARRASSING thing to admit if she's wrong but he did just say he wanted to make her immortal.

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:You are correct, I would: 

And Leareth hesitates, again, looking at her in that odd intent inscrutable way. 

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What does he want. There are lots of perfectly plausible answers to that, all of which trip her up on the puzzling fact that there's no reason he couldn't have any of them if they were in fact what he wanted. Is he...waiting for her to offer them? But why - 

She considers saying something but it'd be so horribly humiliating to be wrong that she can't even think it through to decide what she'd say.

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"Is there something on my nose?"

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"- What? Oh. No. Sorry." Leareth sits back slightly. "I was thinking that - I ought apologize if hugging you the other day seemed baffling out of character for me. Nayoki told me to." 

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"I...don't see why you ought to apologize for that?"

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"Because to feel safe you need to be able to predict your surroundings, and so I imagine being confused feels very threatening to you? And I did not mean to cause that feeling." 

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- nod. "I'm not confused about whether you'll kill me. I guess I am sometimes confused about things that are less important than that, but - confusion over which of lots of things none of which are bad is going on isn't really enough to feel unsafe, I think, or if it is, that's - my error, because I'm not used to - it being the case that none of the things that might be going on are bad -"

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Nod. "Well, I ought still explain - to the extent I can, I am also confused so I an unsure it will help. The other Leareth thinks I should - trust you like he does his wife - Nayoki thinks I am very lonely..." He takes a deep breath. "I...have no idea what it would even mean to - to love you. But I think maybe that is what my alt meant." 

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"...is this...a sex thing or not, either way is fine, just, I'm trying to tell whether I should read it that way or not -"

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"...Honestly I have no idea if the other me has sex with the other you? One assumes so. It is not currently on my mind." 

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"They have a kid together." - shrug. "Okay. This is - about some other thing. Do you know of - examples of this thing. Other than the other you and his wife."

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"...I am not sure. Nayoki thinks that part of the problem, is that it has been a very long time since it made sense for me to - depend on someone." Shrug. "I may have had it before, but I do not perfectly retain all memories of my very long life, and if so I do not remember it." 

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"I know lots of people who were in love but it seems to mostly be - deliberately for the thrill of it exercising poor judgment about someone else's trustworthiness? Which I don't think is the thing you mean. Also it's a sex thing."

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"Nayoki said that if I ever do fall in love, it will probably not be at all the way most people do it." Leareth's lips twitch. "She said I ought perhaps question some hertasi or kyree about their romantic norms, since clearly I do not do this the way humans do." 

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" - do they do something more sensible?"

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"I have no idea, since I have not yet checked! Probably not, on priors. And I do not especially care about doing something that is sensible for a population broadly, I care about doing something that works for me - a very unusual person, supposedly." Pause. "...And, I suppose, for you. In this case." 

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"I think most things work for me? Some, uh, more the way Cheliax worked for me and some more the way that being here works for me, but -" Shrug. "Obviously I like impressing you and feeling valued by you. I'm not very complicated on that front."

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"- Are you not? I - cannot say that I find you trivial to figure out." Leareth smiles again, slight and brief. "Even when I read your mind, which I have not done so often lately." 

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"Probably if I revealed all my secrets I'd be less interesting, and then where would I be. But - I'm not totally unlike women on your planet, I like it when people are invested in my continued existence and also nice to me."

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"Do women care about that more than men, I cannot say I have noticed... I suppose you mean - romantically, as opposed to in the context of employing people." Leareth sighs. "I am invested in your continued existence. I was already, and then my alt said that I ought to trust you, and now I am confused and curious and I do not intend to let anything happen to you until I have figured out what he meant. Anyway. ...Have I been nice to you, so far?" 

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"...yes, definitely? You entertained my being scared of you and pretending to escape. You let me keep magic items I made of material I stole from you. You let me go to Valdemar to decide whether I wanted to - work more for you. You - hugged me - you apologized for hugging me -"

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"Was hugging you nice? I did it because wanted to...well, because Nayoki thought that was what I was wanting to do..." 

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"I think hugging people is a nice thing to do? Or, you can contrive circumstances that make it not, but they're very contrived, and those weren't that. And - I like that you do things because you want to. I mostly find it kind of contemptible when people want to do things and don't do them."

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"...Hmm. Why? I think I often withhold on things I have an urge to do, because doing them now will not be good for my long-term goals - I am not sure if that is the kind of thing you mean..." 

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"No, that's not it, though if you're never going to be able to do them then you'd want to stop wanting them, right, rather than want them pointlessly. But sometimes people are like - I want that, but I'm too embarrassed, or I'm too cowardly, or I can't have it, and I think that's - why would you want something, if you're not even going to go get it."

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"...You can want something before you have a plan of how to get it? That is - in some sense what wanting things is even for." Shrug. "I...am again having the feeling that we mean different things by the same words, here. But - I do not think I am ever likely to decide I cannot want something because I am too embarrassed, or cowardly, or whatever else." 

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"I wouldn't expect you would. I think - it makes sense to want things you haven't yet figured out how to get, if you're - the kind of person who can do things in the world."

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"...That is not a particular sort of person, everyone can do things in the world?" 

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" - I don't think that's very true? Like, when I was a prisoner of the paladins I could not really do anything in the world, and I think lots of people are in a less extreme version of that."

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Leareth leans forward. Looks at her.

"Imagine - you were me, but somehow placed in a scenario with the exact same resources that you had with the paladins.  What - do you think that a me would do, in that scenario. Because I am sure it is not nothing." 

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"Maybe you would have had more luck than me at converting? I'm not sure, though. If they were - wrong - I don't think you have a lot of practice at deciding someone's right even though they're not and then fitting your head around it. Maybe you could've figured out how to make them kill you but it's hard, unarmed, to make people kill you when they have reasons not to."

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"...No, I think I have neither skill nor inclination toward deciding someone is right when they are not. I might have more skill at convincing them that my own beliefs make sense given my information, though, and - asking for exactly those proofs that would falsify my deepest-held premises."

Leareth shifts his hands in his lap. "Or I might have schemed to escape. I am not sure. Just...I think that in order to trust you - to love you, whatever that word even means - I would need to know that you, also, believed you were a person who could do things in the world."

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"I don't know if that's true! And it seems like a particularly dangerous thing to believe if it isn't!"

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"Why? ...I mean, why is it a particularly dangerous thing to believe if it is not true?"

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"If you think that you can do something, and actually you do not have the skill or power or cleverness to pull it off, then you will die."

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"...Do you always die? What if you - decide to run a careful experiment, on the premise that you are not sure if X or Y is true, but where in either case you take precautions against dying...?"

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"Sure, you can - check where the lines are. I've doen that. - to you, you might recall."

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"Yes. You did it very well."

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"If you'd seemed like an angry or impulsive person I wouldn't have. But I was very sure you wouldn't kill me, so - 

 

- I think mostly I can do things if I do not believe doing things is going to get me killed."

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"I am not going to kill you. Or torture you. At the very worst I suppose I might...lock you behind extremely thorough wards, prevent you from preparing spells, and read your mind constantly. But I...cannot currently imagine even a vaguely plausible path that would lead to me taking that level of paranoia. You - seem to need only the straightforward incentives, to work for me." 

Leareth's eyebrow quirks slightly. "And - I like you. As a person. I...am still not sure if that means anything, separate from all the other things I just stated, but. It is a feeling I have."

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"Not getting to do magic sounds worse than being tortured which is not actually a very big deal it's just that people get very worked up about it. ...that's not really the point. But I do believe it. The Valdemarans were very upset. I think I considered the likely worst case scenario that you'd make me do all my magic research very tightly mind controlled. And maybe kill Calib. Since he's not nearly as irreplaceable. I thought that was pretty unlikely though, it wouldn't be a particularly good punishment."

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"...I see." 

Leareth is quiet for a long time.

"I think we have gotten off track," he says finally. "Perhaps it makes sense to take a break, now, so that - both of us can think about what trust would mean, to us." 

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" - sure." She feels like that means she did something wrong. She was - trying -

- doesn't matter. 

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Leareth gets up. 

Crosses over to her, steps in - 

- hugs her. 

And leaves. 

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Why is Leareth maybe liking her more disconcerting than Leareth being terrifying and distant.

 

What did she do wrong.

 

She replays the conversation in her head and doesn't get anywhere and eventually gives it up as impossible and goes to the Work Room to make things explode.

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Leareth leaves her to it and does not disturb her for the rest of that day. 

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She should probably talk with Calib but that sounds incredibly awkward and unpleasant so instead she just goes to dinner and sits with Lacie and listens to gossip about what's been going on since she left.

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The gossip since she left is not that interesting, since Leareth's staff seem to have mostly not been that in the loop about her mission to Haven. There's the usual local discussion of (non-specific) project progress, and whose cousins or nieces or nephews abroad are doing various things like marrying or starting school, and some additional vague speculations regarding Vanyel as Leareth's supposed destined enemy and whether recent events are likely to change that. 

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She can participate in that! And say that Vanyel seemed open to the idea he should be helping figure out how to build the god without killing people.

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Lacie and the others present find that very surprising! ...Lacie admits that she isn't sure why. 

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"I'm not sure how open to the idea he actually was, he was kind of confusing to talk to because of the being sad all the time? But I guess his alternative is dying pointlessly, which usually makes people think about whether they really want to do that."

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...Leareth's people also seem unsure how to react to this, but there's some back-and-forth discussion and people asking Carissa questions until the end of the meal when everyone peels off to bed. 

(Calib appears at one point, glances at Carissa from another table, but doesn't try to come over to her.)

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- she just told Leareth that it's contemptible to not do things you want to do because you're embarrassed. 

She's not sure what she wants to do, but.

 

She heads over to him after dinner. "Hey."

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"Uh. Hey." He looks uncertainly at her.

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"A buncha stuff happened, I want to catch you up on it, come back to my room with me?"

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"- Sure." He reaches to take her hand before he starts walking. 

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Hand-squeeze. 

 

And she flops on her bed. "You heard the kid got rescued?"

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Calib flops next to her. "Pexa, you mean? Yeah. Leareth was so panicked about it! Nayoki spread the word as soon as he found out she'd just gotten, er, picked up by the other Leareth."

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"I'm glad, of course. It seems better for her to be around people who love each other. And - for them to have her back. Whoever they are. Whatever they're up to.

 

Leareth talked to the other Leareth. He said the other Leareth said he should try to - trust me? Lean on me? Fall in love with me? He doesn't seem to know what he actually wants."

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Calib shifts his weight on the bed. "- Leareth doesn't? ...Huh. He - always knows what he wants." His voice is slightly tense. 

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"Yeah. It's really disconcerting. - he doesn't want to fuck me, he did clarify that. But it's still, uh - if he were Chelish and wanted something from me he'd probably reassign you? And I think that's not how people do things here but I don't really know how they do things here?"

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Calib is quiet for a bit. 

Finally he props himself up on one elbow. "I mean, I don't think Leareth does things - the way anyone else does. But also I sort of doubt he's got some protocol squirrelled away for this? I'm...not sure this would've come up for him before." 

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"He said not in a while, at least, not that he remembers." 

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Nod. "Uh, what do you think about it?"

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"....confused? Obviously Leareth is a - really really good person to have on my side? If he's offering that? I want him to - think I'm worth whatever it is he's measuring me against..... I wish he knew what he wanted and could just tell me it and then I could figure it out from there. But - I don't know. It feels like trying to dance in the dark, and every time someone steps on your toe you don't know if it was your mistake or theirs."

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Calib frowns. "...Does it matter? If, uh, it was metaphorically your mistake or his? I mean, I - can't see Leareth holding it against you. Especially not when he knows he was, er, unclear to you, but - just in general, too." 

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"....I don't know? I mean, I assume that it will cause him to draw some conclusions, and that's stressful, even if those conclusions are right, if they're - negative about me."

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"I'm sorry." Calib's voice is a bit stiff. "I - I don't know that I have advice for you. On this particular problem. It's - not like, er, like I've had it myself, before." 

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"I am not sure anyone has ever had this problem before!

 

 

So, uh. What do you want to do?"

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"...I'm not sure. Nothing, yet? Wait and see. It - doesn't sound like it makes sense to - change anything. just yet. Er, about - you and me." 

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"That's what I was asking about, yeah. That makes sense." Hug?

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He hugs her. Chuckles weakly. "Your life seems to bring up such strange problems." 

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"Well. They're better problems to have than being a statue forever."

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"- Right. I'm glad you're not a statue." Calib falls silent and just hugs her. 

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This doesn't seem like it has resolved anything and that feels very unfair, she went to all that effort to have a conversation and then everything is not resolved. She is grouchy about this for a seriously childish length of time and then manages to remember she should instead be telling Calib everything she can remember about Shavri's research interests.

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This is a much less awkward topic, and Calib is eager to hear all of it and ask questions. 

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She doesn't know much about it but she can try to share what she knows! Maybe they should try to talk Leareth into a Healer exchange program.

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Calib will bring it up to Leareth! 

Eventually he excuses himself, apologetically, says that he has work to catch up on now. 

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"Of course."

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The next few days are uneventful. The gossip about Valdemar trails off once it's clear that diplomatic relations have settled into a holding pattern. 

Leareth approaches her again four days later. :Is now a good time to talk?:

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Her schedule isn't very busy. She spends her spell slots on exploding things and works on a nicer headband for herself and a design for an item with flight. She tries not to spend all her time obsessing over their last conversation. 

:Now is fine.:

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Leareth sits down. :I - have been thinking, and I am still very uncertain, but. If I am going to trust you, I think it matters to me that I understand your thinking, and that you understand mine. ...And that you not be afraid of me. If - reading my mind would help, you can do that: 

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:I don't think I'm afraid of you. I'm - confused about you, and reading your mind might help with that, but - I'm really not afraid of you. 

You can read my mind, right? And I still confuse you?:

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:- I think you, per se, confuse me less now. I just have a great deal of uncertainty on - how to interact with you as an equal, given our different backgrounds and ways of thinking: 

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:It seems - like a mistake to want to interact as equals if we....aren't? Maybe I'm thinking of different things than the things you mean by it, but - you have more resources than me and are better at magic than me. I am not sure it would be useful to - pretend that wasn't true.:

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:- No, I think I mean a different thing. Something that is compatible with that. In the sense that I mean, Nayoki, for example, is my equal, and I know how to work with her on that footing: 

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:Nayoki is....not someone you need to carefully manage in order to get her to work on your goals? Nayoki is - able to take care of herself? Nayoki is - likely to sometimes think of things you missed?:

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:Yes, all of that sounds right. I - do not see any reason why the same could not be true with you? And yet it feels very different, right now: 

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:...I think all of those claims sound true to me about me? I give you advice less than Nayoki, I guess, but that's mostly not being caught up on things...There's - I am deferential to you in the sense of expecting you'll do what you want and I'll build around it, and I don't think all of your people think of it that way? Is that part of it?:

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Leareth nods. :That seems right. And - hmm. It may be partly on my side, too, if - I became used to working with you back when you were even more deferential, and I have not yet made a deliberate effort to shift that pattern: 

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:I don't really see why you would want to but I also haven't seen why you'd want various things you've wanted and it has usually turned out to make sense eventually.:

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Leareth sighs. :Usually I could be clearer! I am still figuring this out too. But - I think Nayoki is right that I am lonely, and - that thinking of someone as an equal, in that sense, is necessary for it to help at all with that: 

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:Huh. In, like, the same spirit as it's sort of pathetic to have no friends or lovers who aren't your slaves?:

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:...Whenever you use the word 'pathetic' I am not quite sure how to unpack what you mean by it. Anyway, if someone were my slave, I - would not call them either a friend or a lover, to me those concepts require - not that. In practice, almost none of the people who work for me are what I would consider slaves - at least, not in this project and lifetime - but I am, nonetheless, apparently lonely. I cannot really tell; perhaps I no longer know any other way to be: 

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:Uh, things are pathetic when they're about - living in a world that's nicer than the real world. So it's pathetic to believe that someone loves you or to imagine you won't go to Hell or to imagine you're so special you won't need correction when you get there or to imagine someone is your friend when there are obvious practical reasons they'd be nice to you whether they liked you or not. Building a god would normally be very pathetic but I think if you can actually do it then it can't be, really.:

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Leareth laughs, short and harsh and bitter. :Trust me, building a god is the opposite of pretending I live in a nicer world. It is - something I accepted only once I could admit to myself just how un-nice this world is, that such a solution to its problems could possibly be justified. ...Sometimes it has been tempting to pretend that if I keep trying strategies with less horrific costs, someday they will work, but after eighteen hundred years of trying, I do not think it likely: 

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- nod. :It's - imagining that you live in a world where you could change things, though. Which ...makes sense, you can, but most people who do that are kind of kidding themselves, I think.:

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:...I do not think it is such a neat either-or as that? Most people can change something, if they take a small enough corner of the world as their own. Perhaps Cheliax is unusually broken in this respect, because it sounds as though your neighbours are by default your enemies and not your allies:

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:I think certainly Cheliax does less encouraging the impression you can change something meaningful if you personally wish. I am not totally sure yet whether in discouraging that it makes people more accurate or less so. 

 

I do think it's different here.:

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:...I think it is not about whether it makes people more or less accurate in the abstract? Since - expectations change behaviour, and obviously people will not succeed at changing things they would prefer different if they are too afraid to try: Leareth shakes his head. :And, again, this is a digression. The point is that - I think I will trust you more if you are not trying to stay small: 

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:Huh.

 

 

 

I don't think I am trying to stay small, at this point. I might still - have most of the habits of someone trying to stay small? But my plan is to reinvent all of wizardry and become immortal and help you build your god, that's not very small.:

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Leareth smiles at her. :I suppose not. My bad: 

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:It is also usually wise to act like you are not very ambitious even if you are, right. Or at least ambitious only in the right directions.:

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:I think it depends what strategy you are playing? But sometimes, certainly: 

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:Sure, sometimes you want to seem ambitious enough to be interesting. But - if you've already got something going for you on the interestingness and valuableness front, safer not to be ambition, there are more people who'll kill you for being ambitious than people who'll kill you for being unambitious. - I know you won't. I'm really not in doubt about that. But as far as ...habit forming...goes.:

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:Yes, I know. Your habits were adaptive, before - and are probably better-suited for most people in most places than mine. You were clever and careful and you survived living in Cheliax: A waft of - not exactly approval, not exactly pride, but something vaguely in that direction. 

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:And you want something different and - hmm, I'm not sure what I get out of changing it? Aside from making you like me. Which is obviously very appealing but that doesn't necessarily make it a good idea to be aiming for.:

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:That makes sense. What else would need to be true, for you, for it to seem like a good idea broadly?: 

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:Well, it'd have to - help me get what I want? Which is - I want to be immortal and become a ninth circle wizard and help you build your god and eventually ascend or something and have a dozen personal demiplanes that outlive me by twenty thousand years and that future adventurers ransack for ancient magical secrets -:

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Leareth just looks at her for a moment, intently, and then smiles, the startlingly genuine smile that she's only seen once or twice from him. 

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On one level that makes a lot of sense because telling people what you want is a very very intimate thing to do but on another level it's very silly because it - kind of is pretend, right, she has no real reason to think she can make it all so. :Or something in the same genre as that, I'm not attached to most of the specifics:.

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:Of course. The path to the thing you actually value, there, may end up being a different one. But in Velgarth, you have a somewhat unfair head start here, which is that I am one of the first people you met, and - I have just been given significant reason to want to help you with your goals: 

Leareth extends a hand to her, still smiling, but somehow a more solemn smile now. :Allies, in achieving godhood or something equivalently absurd as that?: 

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- she takes his hand. :I - don't understand myself to be promising anything I haven't already? But - yes.:

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:Well, no, but I think there is value in speaking of it explicitly: Leareth squeezes her hand. :...I think what you said before is not exactly right. That changing your habits-of-thought around ambition would cause me to like you. I do already like you: 

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:I'd noticed. But - probably you can like people more than this. At least I was assuming as much. Maybe this is as much as you ever like people.:

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:The other me seemed to think I could like people more. I cannot tell yet if he is right: 

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:I'm pretty sure I can like people more. It just doesn't usually seem smart.:

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:Not for me either. But maybe this time is different: 

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:Is there something I should tell Calib about ...what you want, here.:

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:Oh. Right: Leareth's expression is that of someone who's only just remembered this is relevant. :I...am not sure. Certainly it does not bother me for you to continue to date him, it - does not feel to me like the sort of thing that ought conflict, but I am aware I am not most people: 

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:You really aren't. Uh, I don't know if it conflicts, but I guess I expect it to be awkward and make him sad all the time? I don't know. I guess we will try to figure it out without worrying about how you'd like it to go.:

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:I certainly do not want to make him sad all the time! I expect you will have better judgement than I do, here, on what will help versus make things worse: 

Leareth sighs. :Apparently this is rather complicated. Oh well. ...I notice I want to hug you, would you like a hug?:

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: - sure. ...did you not at all expect the making him sad thing, that seems like a blind spot of sorts.:

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:Now that I am considering the question, it seems unsurprising, but - no, I suppose it did not occur to me to think about it until you said something. Usually I - do not end up having a personal life that would cause conflicts with any of my staff: 

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:That sounds - forget lonely, I think I'd probably do the no close personal attachments thing by default because it's stupid, but - uh, I'd be touch-starved.:

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:That is what Nayoki thought about me; it is why she told me I should hug you, before: 

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- hug?

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Hug. 

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Pat pat pat. She is thinking that she wouldn't be very satisfied with this if she hadn't been close to anyone in centuries but observably they're very different people on that front. 

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Leareth seems more relaxed when he finally steps back. He's serious again. :Is - there anything else you wanted to say, or ask me?: 

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:I don't think so.:

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:Then I will let you go for now: He releases her hand and steps away. 

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She - kind of wants - something. She's not sure what. She nods. :See you later.:

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Leareth looks thoughtfully at her for a moment, maybe guessing that she's unsatisfied with something in some way, but then nods back and leaves her be. 

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She's not trembly. It's an odd change. She almost misses it. 

 

 

She gets back to work. She still doesn't have Clairvoyance figured out and she's more sure than ever that she'll need it for Scrying.