He could feel reality crumbling to pieces around him, feel his own body dissolve in a swirl of caustic energy--was this what it felt like when Wei Wuxian died?--

But he did not die. Even when there was seemingly nothing left of him, he could still feel the world dissolving around him--felt himself twisted and seemingly pulled and spun--

He could feel the destruction pass some kind of threshold--the point, he realized, when it was supposed to stop. 

It did not. 

The spell would run out of energy eventually--he had no idea what the demonic cultivator had even used to power it, but it couldn't be infinite--but what would be left when it did? 

He had no body, but his spiritual energy responded nonetheless to his will, as he tore into the array and 

Made

It

Stop

--He sat upright with a gasp, breath coming too quickly, sweat soaking his sleeping robes. He felt more disoriented than he ever had before in his life. 

His life? How long had that been? Was it five years, or more than thirty--

He clutched at his head as the dizziness faded and the reality of what had happened dawned on him. 

He felt sick to his stomach. He had failed, and someone had--someone had--

Only it wasn't had, exactly, was it? Was it would? What was...

He curled up for a little while, his adult mind overwhelmed by a small child's emotions. He was so used to putting his own feelings aside at need to look after A-Zhan, but A-Zhan wasn't here and he could just sit here and cry for a little while. 

Both sets of memories felt so fresh and real. He knew exactly what he had let happen, and felt guiltily grateful that he hadn't even been thinking of all his regrets when it happened, so at least he didn't have to worry it had been partly on purpose. 

But the knowledge of what could/would/had happened made the part of him that was five years old wipe away the tears, dress hurriedly, and go to see A-Zhan. 

Here's A-Zhan, sitting up in his bed. He is just old enough to wake at five every morning but not old enough to have any tasks to perform once he does so. This morning, A-Zhan clutches a little dragonfly puppet and bobs it in the air.

A-Zhan puts down the toy and blinks owlishly at Brother when he enters. Time for breakfast, is what Brother showing up means! Time to get up. He slides off his bed and patters towards his brother.

Holds up his ribbon for help; A-Zhan still can't tie knots.

He ties A-Zhan's ribbon on and hugs him. 

(He's so small!!!! Tiny Wangji! So cute!)

Hug!!!

As soon as they stop hugging, A-Zhan lifts his arms up and looks at Brother expectantly, waiting to be carried.

He picks up his baby brother (so baby!!!) and carries him breakfast-ward. 

Breakfast is fine, and he pays lots and lots of attention to A-Zhan, but he can't help but be a little preoccupied. He certainly wouldn't have chosen to destroy thirty years of future, but...that future is destroyed. The future going forward will be a different one. And...he can make it a better one. Has to; if everything goes forward exactly the same way then all the death and destruction will be his fault. 

He doesn't know what he can do about it as a five-year-old, though. 

A-Zhan is not contemplating the fate of the world, but is also being very serious. He finishes his breakfast and occupies himself trying to make the spoon line up perfectly with the side of the table. Keeping his table neat is Very Important.

Oh NO baby A-Zhan is SO CUTE and earnest and good. Xichen is not going to pinch his baby brother's cheeks but he will hug him again. 

A-Zhan would not enjoy having his cheeks pinched at all, but more hugging is acceptable.

He hugs his baby brother and swallows and puts his face on the top of A-Zhan's head so nobody can see his face. He doesn't have A-Zhan's all-but-unreadable face. 

He is going to change everything. Nobody is ever going to whip his baby brother, or break his leg and throw him against an evil demigod, or--anything. 

Brother is very good at hugs.

A low bell rings across Cloud Recesses. The bell means that Brother leaves for class, which is very sad. Maybe if A-Zhan hugs Brother enough he will forget.

Oh noooooo. 

It would probably not serve his fix-everything goals to skip class to hug A-Zhan more. 

Maybe...if he tries to BRING A-Zhan...nobody will stop him? It's kind of a long shot but it's not like A-Zhan will be better off being ignored by the other children his age than in class with Xichen. 

He SHOULD bring A-Zhan! A-Zhan is definitely better off staying with Brother, and he can do really helpful things in class like stack books or hold a writing brush or poke Brother with his bunny doll every time it seems like class is talking about something important.

A-Zhan holds Brother's hand and walks towards class beside him.

They're most of the way there before Qiren catches up to them. "A-Huan, A-Zhan! What are you doing?"

Oh no. 

"Going to class?"

"A-Zhan does not belong in your class, you know this. If something is wrong, I can take care of it." 

He remembers Uncle telling Wangji you are such a disappointment as the blows fell, and unconsciously tugs A-Zhan a little bit closer. 

What in the world. Is something wrong? But A-Zhan looks neither visibly hurt nor distressed...  "Answer me when I address you, A-Huan! You'll be late. Let go of him now."

He should say something clever and persuasive, he always was the better at soothing Uncle--

but right now he is five and upset and all he can say is "NO!" as he clings to his baby brother, trying desperately to keep as much of himself as possible between A-Zhan and the world. 

Not only disobedient but so loud about it, what is wrong with him today? 

"A-Huan! Stop this nonsense at once, you know better. I expect an apology, as will anyone else you have disrupted with this commotion! You had better start behaving and let go of A-Zhan right now if you expect to see your mother this month."

A-Zhan starts to cry.

Mother. 

It hits him like a blow. Mother would still be alive now, of course, she hadn't died until A-Zhan was six. 

A-Zhan, kneeling in the snow, unable to understand that she was never ever coming back--

Mommy, who he remembered better than A-Zhan--

He was five, and he was thirty-five and so, so tired, and all of a sudden he really really wanted his mom. 

His mom, who he would be allowed to see once, in more than a week, and then not again for a month. 

He'd known their situation was unusual, the first time he had been five. But he hadn't understood--it wasn't right. He had never been able to do anything about it, the first time around, not even make anyone admit it had been wrong, but--whatever she had done, they didn't deserve it. He didn't. A-Zhan didn't. 

He. Was going. To do something. About it. 

But not right now. Now he let the part of himself that was a grown-up and could control himself have reign. Now he let the tears glisten in his eyes, and let go of A-Zhan with reluctance but not hesitation, and bowed to Uncle. 

"I'm very sorry. I had a dream last night where he got hurt. I should not have allowed it to influence my waking behavior. I acted improperly." 

"That is correct. Thank you for apologizing. If you're still upset about the dream after class we can discuss it then, alright? A-Zhan is not going to get hurt. Come here, A-Zhan."

A-Zhan goes to him, still crying. He cries very quietly for a toddler. 

He bows clumsily and then hugs his uncle's leg to cry into his robes. 

Qiren pats him reassuringly. "Go to your studies now, A-Huan. A-Zhan is fine."

He goes. 

He's very distracted, but since he has all the knowledge of his adult self, it isn't hard not to let the teachers see. 

What's he going to do about Mother? 

The more he thinks about it, the more he can only see three viable ways forwards. One: leave things as they are, except try to get the healers early warning of the sickness that kills her. Two: convince the Elders to change their minds, about her imprisonment or at least about limiting their time with her. 

Three: take Mother and A-Zhan and leave. 

He doesn't like any of them. The first one would be the easy route, but--he's not at all sure it would work. He doesn't think she was ever going to last, locked up like that. Even if he could buy another decade or so by heading off this one illness--and could he? Would they believe him?--that wouldn't be saving her, not in the long run. 

The second one--well. He knows how hard it is to get the Elders to change their minds. He could maybe do it, if he got the whole story out of Mother and it was one he could work with, forging evidence that couldn't possibly be altered from within her little house or by a real five-year-old. 

The third one scares him. He doesn't want to leave. He loves the Cloud Recesses, loves his sect, even loves his Uncle. And Wangji is Lan to the bone. It would be a sacrifice. But. It might be the only option on the table. 

...He should speak to Mother before deciding. He would have to, to go with either the second or third option, the only ones he thinks he could live with himself after. He's allowed too much suffering and death in those he loves by his own inaction and complacency, in the lifetime-that-was, to do so now. 

He satisfies his teachers and goes to see his Uncle. 

Qiren is in his rooms, as expected. Qiren spent some time comforting A-Zhan, and then some time sitting and reading nearby while A-Zhan and the other very young children of Cloud Recesses clambered around the courtyard and avoided each other. Now A-Zhan is calm again, sitting on the floor and playing with Bunny. 

"Ah, A-Huan. How was class?"

"Class was fine, Uncle. I am very sorry for my outburst this morning. I do not think I saw everyone who was nearby; is there anyone else I should offer personal apologies to?" 

He names two elders who could use personal apologies. "You may approach them tomorrow, and they can decide about your punishment. I am glad that you have reflected, A-Huan. Do you want to talk about the bad dream?"

...He hesitates. 

"I dreamed A-Zhan made a friend, and the friend made a mistake, and someone who didn't like the friend saw and said it was worse than it was, and people wanted to kill him about it, and everyone was very angry, and A-Zhan tried to protect his friend so they hit him with the discipline whip." 

How deeply disturbing.

He hadn't even known that A-Huan had learned about the discipline whip, certainly not that it was something he'd thought about. Perhaps finding out about it recently had set off the nightmare.

"A-Huan, A-Zhan is a child. No children will ever be struck by the discipline whip, not you nor your brother. Even if A-Zhan's friend got him into trouble, we would just put him in a corner for time-out. He wouldn't be hurt and nobody would be killed. Okay?"

"I understand, Uncle." The problem was that A-Zhan wouldn't stop being Xichen's baby brother when he wasn't a child anymore. 

"You may now play with your brother. I expect better behavior from you tomorrow, A-Huan. Dreams can be frightening but we do not let that control our conduct." Sigh. "Next time, express your fears calmly before you misbehave."

"I understand, Uncle. I will not make the same mistake again." He bows again and goes over to A-Zhan.

A-Zhan looks pleased to see him!! Hug.

"Gege, Bunny went to class."

Hug!!! Oh no A-Zhan is still calling him gege instead of xiongzhang it's so cute. 

"Oh? What did he learn?" 

"He learned the books. He learned - twen-ty - two - rules." Bunny can be included in the hug as a reward for learning So Many Rules.

"That is very impressive of Bunny. Bunny did very well." He hugs his baby brother who is never ever going to be bedridden for three years. 

So many hugs!!! Today is not a terrible day after all, because Brother is back and there have been many hugs.

A-Zhan wiggles in the way that means he wants to be picked up now.

Xichen picks him up. 

"You're getting to be a big boy, aren't you?" 

"Mm." A-Zhan is a big boy and he follows lots of rules even though he doesn't know all the numbers yet and he should be able to go to class with big brother now, he thinks.

Cling.

His brother is so good and he loves him so much. 

He will carry A-Zhan around and tell him stories for as long as A-Zhan wants. His arms start getting tired after a while but he doesn't care. 

A-Zhan loves his brother and loves his brother's stories. He would like to be carried and told stories all the way to dinner, please.

A-Zhan is precious and should not have been scared this morning and his big brother will tell him SO MANY STORIES. 

During dinner they have to be quiet, but that's okay. A-Zhan keeps picturing the stories that Brother already told him while he eats his soup.

Xichen eats his soup and steals glances at his adorable baby brother. A-Zhan is so cute at this age. 

After dinner A-Zhan wants to go look for birds before going to bed.

His big brother would be happy to take him assuming Uncle says it's okay. 

That's fine, as long as they come back inside in time to get ready for bed.

Then he takes A-Zhan by the hand and leads him outside and to all the places Nie Huaisang liked best to look for birds. 

There are birds!!!

The birds are pretty and very good at flying, they must have worked very hard. Whenever a bird lands nearby, A-Zhan patters over to it and kneels a safe distance away.

When the bird flies off, A-Zhan clambers to his feet and goes to find a new bird.

A-Zhan is so cute!!!!!!

Xichen tells him everything he knows about each kind of bird. If that is more than he knew before he spent sixteen years as Nie Huaisang's surrogate older brother, well, there aren't any grownups around to question his knowledge. 

A-Zhan takes birdfacts very seriously! He pays close attention. Big brother is so so smart and A-Zhan wants to also be so smart.

"Gege," he asks after about an hour of this, "Which birds like to fly to Mommy's house?"

"I've seen that kind near Mommy's house," he says, pointing. 

He goes over and respectfully asks the bird to tell Mommy hello.

Oh no. 

He seriously considers bringing A-Zhan to sneak out to see Mommy tonight. But he isn't sure A-Zhan can keep a secret from Uncle, and even asking if he can would be a secret. 

Instead he hugs his baby brother and promises to resolve the situation as soon as possible 

HUG.

"It's not fair that we only get to see Mommy once a month," he whispers. "Other boys get to see their mommies every day." 

"A-Zhan wants to see Mommy every day." He knows that they Can't, but he still doesn't understand why.

He presses a kiss to the top of A-Zhan's head. "I do too. I love you very much, A-Zhan." 

Hug. "Love you."

It's starting to get late; he leads A-Zhan back inside to get ready for bed. 

Getting ready for bed is important! A-Zhan washes his face and changes into his nightgown. He can't fold his dayclothes very well yet but he does his best, smacking his little hand down on the wrinkles to pat them out.

So. Cute. 

Xichen gets ready for bed himself and gets into bed and waits for Cloud Recesses to go to sleep. 

Cloud Recesses goes to sleep very promptly at nine, as expected.

He waits a little extra while after that, then sneaks out. 

He wouldn't have been able to do this yesterday, but he has not only an adult's but a sect leader's familiarity with the wards. He manages to avoid any of the patrolling disciples and make it to his mother's cottage, then pick the lock (thank you A-Yao) and slip inside. 

She isn't asleep. She doesn't look up when she hears the door open, does look up when she hears tiny footsteps.

"-- A-Huan?" 

He swallows. 

"Mommy," he whispers, and runs forward and hugs her. 

It feels like being able to breathe again, seeing him, it always does, but something must be wrong for him to be here. Lihua is too concerned to feel overjoyed as normal.

She scoops her son up into her lap and hugs him back, glancing anxiously at the door. No one appears to be following or chasing him in here, yet. "Little one, what's happened? How did you get in here, sweetheart?"

He swallows. 

"Mommy, if I tell you something really hard to believe, will you believe me?"

She kisses his forehead. (Keeps glancing at the door). "Yes."

"Thirty years from now, somebody creates an array that destroys time. I stopped him, but the array was more unstable than I realized and I set it off by accident. I tried to stop it, but..." he looks down. "I think like I'm thirty-five, most of the time, but I feel like I'm five." 

"Thirty-five?" That's older than she is. She stares at him. "I have never heard of any arrays that would do something even similar to that, I.

"I do believe you, A-Huan, but if you have any sort of proof I think that would make this easier to process."

"Someone invented an entirely new branch of cultivation and this person was misusing it." 

He closes his eyes and bites his lip and concentrates and starts reciting facts that he's sure were still true in the current present, but that would be very hard for a five-year-old to find out.

That does not, actually, make this any easier to process. But it does make her believe him fully.

"Thank you for telling me." She strokes his hair. "You must be frightened."

"So many bad things happened, Mommy. I have to fix it." 

Pet pet hug. "I'd believe that a lot of things would happen over thirty years that need fixing. Is there anything very urgent?"

"...You die in four years." 

It's a very strange thing to hear, but she isn't shocked. 

Pet pet. "If it is preventable, that gives us three years to come up with something. If we need that long. Has your cultivation skill traveled back with you as well? Do you have a golden core?"

Nod. "I couldn't have stopped the array otherwise. I don't know how far back things would have gone if I hadn't. I don't think I would still have existed." 

She hugs him closer. That's horrifying.

"You're safe now, my love. I am proud of you. Has your uncle noticed yet? Has anyone noticed?"

"Uncle noticed I was behaving strangely this morning but I told him I had a bad dream. I don't think anybody else has noticed anything." 

"Someone will surely notice if they check on your spiritual energy. It might come up in your classes." A-Huan does very well in his classes. She's so proud of her son for how he writes his letters and the pretty pictures that he paints. He's thirty-five. "Have you planned to tell anyone else?"

Headshake. 

"A-Zhan misses you so much. Now, when you're apart, and later, when you die. I don't know how long we can keep you alive like this. I have to get you out of here. Uncle wouldn't allow that." 

"If we try to leave and fail, I will never be able to see either of you again."

"If we try to leave, we won't fail. Nobody will be expecting the strength and knowledge of a sect leader from a five-year-old. It's not the only idea I had, though. What happened to get you stuck here? I know that you killed someone and Father married you to prevent you from being executed. But I don't know what the circumstances were. If you tell me everything, maybe I could forge new evidence that you couldn't have reached from in here and a five-year-old could never have managed, or I could reveal that I was from the future but not that I came to see you, and said that new information came to light in the future." 

"A-Huan, I don't think anyone is very interested in seeing evidence that exonerates me. And I don't...

Your father's teacher was not a good person. Not even according to the spirit of your doctrines. A city was depending on him and his students very badly, and he wasn't... nice. About it. But the Lan rules, on the surface, would not condemn him. Not for any cruelty there would be proof of. 

You know that Gusu Lan is quite wealthy. There are no rules against expecting payment for your services. And... it seems that the Lan elders have forgotten that morality exists outside of what is written. People, people's actions exist outside of what is written.

I killed him. There were witnesses including your father. I have never denied killing him. It was the loss of a valued cultivator and educator; nobody will think I acted rightly, even if they concede that the man I murdered acted poorly."

He makes an unhappy sound and leans against her. 

"A-Zhan grows up to love the Cloud Recesses," he says softly, after a little while. "If I don't have to take that away from him, I don't want to. And it will be so much easier to prevent what the Wen go on to do with the Lan sect's resources. Can you think of anything that would make them let you out? It doesn't have to be true, as long as they can't prove it isn't, if I can prove I'm from the future they'll have to take me seriously and they won't expect me to be able to prove every single claim I make." 

"I think," she says slowly, stroking his hair. "There is nothing that can convince them that I'm not dangerous. Or that I am not still worthy of punishment. Many of them hold grudges against me personally."

She wants to ask if they even gave her a proper burial after her death, but making A-Huan discuss it would be cruel.

These are the same stupid people who ordered Wangji whipped for defiance and okay maybe staying where they have power over him isn't best for A-Zhan after all. 

He's still going to cry into his mom's skirts for a minute. 

He wipes the tears away, when he's done, and asks "What did they do with your sword? A-Zhan and I don't have them yet, and we'll need at least one in order to escape." 

"Last I knew, your father had kept it."

"...Okay. That's not ideal but I'm pretty sure I can get it." He swallows. "Getting a jade pass and A-Zhan will be easier. Is there any reason to delay?"

Only that she is very, very frightened. That is not subject to change and not a good reason to delay. "I see none. Please be careful, A-Huan."

"I will, Mommy. I love you." 

Stealing his mother's sword back is definitely the most Terrifying part of this operation, but fortunately his father is as asleep as the rest of the Cloud Recesses. It...is not actually immediately obvious which sword is which, so he steals them both. They can leave Father's behind in the Gentian House. 

He is extra, extra careful not to get caught, because a small child sneaking around after bedtime would be scolded and sent back to bed, but a small child carrying swords would have people wanting to know what the fuck, and he can't think of any answers that don't complicate things at all.

Swiping a pass is easy. Well, it's easy for him, because he knows all the things, it's not easy in a way that makes him worried about general security. 

Lastly, he creeps into A-Zhan's room, and picks up A-Zhan and Bunny as carefully as he can, without waking his baby brother, and sneaks back to the house. 

Sneaking is harder with an armful of toddler you don't want to wake up, but he still makes it there without anyone seeing anything.  

She is SO RELIEVED. It hadn’t felt real that he would come back. It barely felt real that he’d been there in the first place.

“Oh, A-Huan, you did so well!” She rises and hurries to him, hands reaching for A-Zhan before she gives it conscious thought. Her baby, her babies, both of her babies are right here.

He hands over his baby brother and then carefully pulls out the swords. 

"Which one is yours?"

She cradles A-Zhan to her chest. He nuzzles against her shoulder and makes an indistinct sound without waking.

She looks up at the swords, and -- 

Does not cry in front of her five-or-thirty-five-year-old son, but it's hard. She hasn't seen her sword in six years.

"Silver," she says quietly. Her husband's sheathe is blue.

He puts down the blue and holds out the silver. "I have the jade token. I know the patrol routines, I can tell you when it's safe to move." 

She takes her sword and grips it until her knuckles turn white. She feels it thrum beneath her fingers, recognizing her. I've missed you, I've missed you.

"You're sure the routines are the same as what you're used to?"

"...They won't be the same as when I came back from, but I remember how they were before the war." 

"...okay.

You're doing very well, A-Huan. I'm proud of you."

Cling.

"Thank you Mommy."

She adjusts to hold A-Zhan with one arm so that she can hug A-Huan against her with the other. "Do you have everything you need? We should bring some of the blankets."

He nods. There isn't much he had when he was five that he's going to miss. And--

"I took some money, before I came the first time," he says, pulling out a coin pouch and handing it to her. It's more stealing than anything else they're doing, but he doesn't feel too guilty; the sect is rich. 

She takes the pouch. (Irrational worry flits across her mind that she's forgotten how to even use money. That's obviously ridiculous. She dismisses it.) "Thank you, A-Huan. Let's go get the blankets from my bed."

The largest blanket can be tied into a makeshift bag, and the other bedding put inside it. The smallest blanket is a soft baby blanket that Lihua wove when she was pregnant with A-Huan. She wraps the blanket very carefully around A-Zhan, who doesn't stir.

A-Huan has no idea of the significance of the baby blanket. He helps with the blankets as much as his tiny body allows. 

(No, he wouldn't. She wove it when she still thought she would be able to hold her own child, to wrap him up in the blankets she'd made and nurse him and tuck him into bed every night and --

He wouldn't recognize it.)

They can sit together and cuddle until A-Huan thinks it's safe to leave.

He gives the word as soon as it's time, then directs her to dart between this building and that, always keeping out of sight, sometimes staying in one place for several minutes. 

It takes almost an hour until they pass through the outer wards, jade token allowing them to pass through. 

And -- she's out. Somehow. Her children are right here where she can touch them and she's out.

She's also shaking, but that's not very important.

"Would you know if any sort of alarm has gone off?" she murmurs, glancing behind them.

Nod. "It hasn't," he promises. 

"If we fly now, will anyone see?"

"We should stay low for a little while, but they shouldn't." 

(She doesn't know if she still knows how -- )

Lihua unsheathes her sword for the first time in six years (and it sings, and she can't help the tears in her eyes this time) and levels it in the air in front of her. She steps on. Her balance locks to it easily, and she doesn't fall. Of course she still knows how.

"Come stand in front of me, sweetheart."

He climbs on, wrapping his arms around her waist. 

She holds her children close and flies.

He hugs his mom and looks up to reassure himself that A-Zhan is there and thinks about the future. 

She flies West for hours. She doesn't know where she's going, but it's very important to be far away. Very far away.

With an hour still before the sun rises, she touches down in a field outside a small town. She doesn't know the name of the town. It doesn't matter.

When she steps down from the sword her legs buckle and she collapses to her knees.

He is at her side immediately. "Mommy!" 

"I'm f -- I'm fine," she says, catching her breath. She is fine. It has just been a while since she's flown, or used her spiritual energy at all, or exerted herself anywhere near this amount, and her legs had been too tense for the whole flight. She hadn't noticed; she's tense everywhere.

She will get used to flying and standing and walking again, it isn't a problem. Right now she's most concerned that the stupid trembling will wake A-Zhan. 

Deep breaths. "Mommy's fine, A-Huan. She hasn't been responsible and kept up with her exercises as well as you little ones, has she? I just need to get used to flying again."

Hug hug hug. "You couldn't, in that little house." 

"A-Huan is so clever," she whispers. "Good boy."

He is clever because he is thirty-five. Lihua has no idea what the correct way of handling that is, but she can't not see him as her baby. Hopefully A-Huan will tell her if he ever feels demeaned or insulted.

It's probably best to go into town and find shelter but she really doesn't want to. The idea of bringing her children close to a single other person her want to scream, even though the strangers at this inn would have no conceivable reason to try to take them from her. 

She doesn't want to. "You must be tired. Do you want to rest here, in some of the blankets? I will watch over you and A-Zhan until it's truly morning."

"Okay," he says, yawning. His five-year-old body isn't used to doing without sleep. He curls up with A-Zhan and is asleep quickly. 

AWW. Oh they're so cute. They are so cute and perfect it hurts; she loves them so much it hurts.

This is the first time she has ever seen A-Huan sleep.

She cradles her children and checks for pursuers constantly and cries, silently, until the sun comes up.

His Cloud Recesses sleep schedule is strong; he wakes at five, yawning and rubbing his eyes despite how late he went to sleep. 

Awwww. Petpetpet. He is SO CUTE waking up and it's so hard not to cry again oh NO. "Good morning, love."

A-Zhan stirs mere seconds after, emitting several muffled peeping sounds before rolling over in his mother's arms. He yawns with his eyes still peacefully shut.

Awwwww. He hugs his mother and brother. It's...it's so good. 

!!!! a HUG. 

A-Zhan opens his eyes to see his brother, which he was expecting, and his MOM, who he was NOT EXPECTING.

A-Zhan stares up at Mommy with big big eyes. 

She has failed to not start crying again. "Hi, A-Zhan," she whispers. "Hi baby. Hi. Did you have sweet dreams?"

BLINKBLINK.

A-Zhan wriggles upright to throw his arms clumsily around Mommy's neck and CLING.

She coos and rocks him in her lap. "Hi, hi. I'm here, A-Zhan, I love you."

"Mommy."

He thought he was going to have Doubts and Regrets but he is experiencing none whatsoever of either. 

No regrets here, just hugs.

Most of this town won't be awake yet. She can put off going near people for a little longer and they can keep cuddling right here in the glass. 

A-Zhan has no idea what's going on but he is completely content with the state of affairs. The only thing better than big brother hugs are Mommy hugs, and right now he's getting BOTH. So safe and cozy and warm. 

So safe, big brother isn't going to let ANYTHING happen to him. Hug hug hug. 

He looks up at Mommy. "Do you have any plans?" he whispers so A-Zhan can't hear. 

"We should go into town to buy food and supplies," she whispers back.

"After that, I am not sure where we should go." This is something she would probably not try to discuss were her five year old not thirty-five.

"There are some other people who would die in the next few years. And other things. One of my friends and his mom would be in a bad situation in Yunping right now." 

Hug. "Okay. Should we go there first? I can ask in town which direction to go."

He nods. He bites his lip. "Um. The bad situation is that she's...indentured...to a..." his eyes dart to A-Zhan and his voice lowers even further. "brothel." 

"Ahh. That is good to know." She tilts her head. "Do you know its name?"

"...I don't know the name, but I know exactly where it is. We went there once after it had been torn down and something more respectable built in its place." This is missing some context but oh well. 

Pat pat. "Then we'll go look. Do you know the way to Yunping?"

"I don't know where we are now...but once I find out, yes." 

It feels very, very nice to have any sort of mission again, even if that mission is assigned by a five year old. Any sort of purpose.

"A-Zhan," she says, soft and singsong. "We're going to go on a trip together, my love. Is that okay?"

"Mm." A-Zhan does not care where they go or what they're doing as long as he gets to stay right here curled up against Mommy's chest. He bunches a tiny fist in the fabric of her robes and holds on tight. 

He's so happy. The bird must have told Mommy to come and see them.

A-Zhan is so precious and good and deserves all the Mommy hugs. Xichen hugs his baby brother again and then they can go into town. Mommy's hands are full holding A-Zhan but Xichen can hold onto her skirt. 

Good.

There are, as predicted, people in the town. Lihua is almost too afraid to think, which she deeply resents.

It has just. Been a long time since she's been seen by other people. And it has been a long time since she's had enough freedom for someone to take away.

Eyes pass nonchalantly over her and over her sons as they walk and she wants to run, she wants to scream. (Lihua never used to feel this way. She was never cowardly and she resents being so now.)

Somehow she pilots herself through buying supplies without fleeing or killing anyone. Now time to approach a stranger about where they are.

Or maybe time to stall by standing stock still in place for ten minutes.

"Mommy is something wrong?"

A-Huan is so sweet and precious that it just about breaks her heart. She doesn't know how to answer him; objectively nothing is wrong. She doesn't even know how to explain herself.

"I am not accustomed to strangers anymore. I want to be sure I approach them well." Not that standing here helps her with that in any way.

Hug. "It'll be okay." 

Yes, it should be.

She has a sword. Most of the people in this town do not carry swords. She picks an unarmed elderly woman and bows politely. "Excuse me, Grandmother, would you tell me the name of this town?"

The woman replies without seeming to think anything is out of the ordinary. They're in a little obscure town that Xichen will nonetheless recognize, closer to Lotus Pier than to Cloud Recesses, Miss Perfectly Normal Cultivator Lady. 

"I know where that is," Xichen whispers. "We keep going west." 

She nods. Good, getting further away is good.

Now they can get out of this town and away from people as fast as possible, let's go.

He hugs her a lot once they are away from people, she seems like she needs it. 

It's embarrassing that he can tell, but yes hugging is very appreciated. "How far a journey is it, from here?"

"A couple of hours." Snuggle. Wow he had forgotten how much he missed her. It was a lot. 

She missed him too. Snugglesnuggle.

"We should eat first, then." She bought some steamed buns from the marketplace in a little basket. They can sit back down in the grass and eat together, which necessitates putting A-Zhan down.

NO.

"Baby, you can sit in my lap, alright? I just need to put you down to get the food out. Aren't you hungry, A-Zhan?"

....... yes.

Fine, A-Zhan can be put down. This is acceptable because at least he can sit properly and show Mommy how good and polite he is at meals. He plops down and sits up Super Super straight.

There is no table or silverware, because they are in the middle of a field for some reason. Distressing. How will he line up his spoon neatly with the table when he doesn't have a spoon or a table?

Pout. "Gege, spoon."

OH NO CUTE OH NO. 

"There isn't a spoon right now, A-Zhan," he says gently. "You're going to have to be brave and do without for a little while, okay?"

Okay.

A-Huan is such a good big brother and they are both so so adorable, her heart is going to burst.

She hands each of them a steamed bun and makes suitably impressed noises about how tall A-Zhan is sitting as she begins to eat her own.

He eats his steamed bun and leans against his mom and watches A-Zhan carefully/adoringly. Everything Is Good. 

Everything is FRAGILE and SCARY. But yes, right now it is good.

"I can probably go another couple hours," she says once steamed buns have been sufficiently eaten. She has no idea if she can go another couple hours, but she wants to be able to and she is going to try. If she gets dangerously weak or dizzy she will land right away for the babies' safety, of course.

"We can rest a while first if you need to, Mommy, you haven't flown in six years." 

She shakes her head. "I will go as far as I can today. It would put me more at ease to travel farther."

"Okay." Hug. If there is anything that needs to be re-bundled before they can go he gets on that. 

He can re-bundle the food and water while she re-bundles A-Zhan.

A-Zhan is having a great morning.

Good. It's a wonderful morning. She wraps A-Zhan in the baby blanket and scoops him back up. A-Huan can stand in front and hold onto her again.

They step back onto her sword and fly West.

It is not quite literally exactly west of here; he tells her when she should turn slightly. 

And then they reach the city. It has More people than the town did. 

She is spared from having to confront that by collapsing again the moment she steps of the sword.

OH NO MOMMY

He is at her side in an instant, looking at her Very Worriedly and checking to see what's wrong with her with magic. 

She is very tired and very weak, particularly compared to how she remembers herself. Lihua isn't used to moving around this much anymore even without expending spiritual energy. Fearful tension crawls all over her; the muscles in her legs and arms have cramped just from that. She breathes shallowly but not enough so to be concerning.

There does not appear to be any permanent defect or injury.

"I'm just tired," she murmurs. "'m fine, sweetheart." Tries to sit up and -- nope, okay, too dizzy. Fine. Instead she will just - lay down and curl herself around A-Zhan for a bit.

He kisses her on the forehead and sits down beside her and hugs both of them. 

Hugs hugs.

She gives herself ten minutes. Then takes a drink of water (she makes A-Huan and A-Zhan drink too) and rises successfully from the ground. Her legs are still a bit stiff; she already knows she's going to be incredibly sore tomorrow. That's fine.

"Alright, A-Huan, do you want to lead us?" She is not sure exactly how she'll do this once they find the place. She definitely does not want to bring her tiny children inside a brothel, but she also does not want to leave her tiny children unattended outside of a brothel. She'll figure something out.

He nods. 

This part of town is noticeably worse than it would be in the future, but he can still find his way around easily enough. He multitasks between this and worrying about his mom overexerting herself. 

Here's a brothel, wedged between two other equally shabby buildings. There are a few prostitutes hanging around outside.

And here's a little boy with a little hat, drawing in the dirt with a stick.

OH NO HE'S SO TINY. 

The little boy is sufficiently out of the way that people aren't going to start associating him with any of the women who are trying to entice people into exchanging money for sexual favors; Xichen can squeeze his mom's hand reassuringly and walk up to him. 

"Are you Meng Yao?"

The little boy looks up. He has very big eyes and his hair is brushed back very neatly under the dusty grey hat. He looks maybe three years old.

He bows and his hat tips forwards a bit, oops. He tries to fix it and only makes it a bit more lopsided in a different direction. "Yes. Can I help you?" He speaks slowly, carefully articulating each word. It's a valiant effort but he still sounds very baby.

"I'm not a Jin, but I'm here to rescue you and your mom. Can you take me to her so I can convince her I'm telling the truth?"

"Are you telling the truth?"

"Yes. But there are parts of my story that will be hard to believe anyway." 

"Did Daddy send you?" Stranger boy said he wasn't a Jin, but A-Yao doesn't think he knows any other people.

"No. ...I'm from the future." 

His eyes widen, which makes them Very Wide. "Wowww. Why did you come back?"

"It wasn't on purpose. Someone else decided to go back in time, but the spell they came up with broke time, so the future wouldn't exist anymore. I stopped him from using it but I didn't realize how unstable it was and I was in the middle of it when it went off anyway. Since I'm back now anyway, I'm fixing everything I can, and that includes you. I don't want what happened in the future to happen again." 

Trying to fix everything sounds very scary. A-Yao is impressed.

"Okay. Please wait a moment gong-zi."

He hops over to one of the prostitutes. "Sisi-jie, can we take that boy to see Mama?"

She glances over, sees that A-Yao seems to have a friend, just a little older, and nods, patting him on the head. "I'm busy right now, but you can take him."

A-Yao bounces back to report this.

"Thank you," he says, offering his hand to hold. 

!!!!

That's so very nice of him! A-Yao has never held another kid's hand before; he doesn't have any friends his age. Handholding turns out to be pretty nice.

They can go inside and run upstairs to find Mama.

Xichen tries real hard not to think about how things wound up for future Sisi. 

He takes a deep breath, and looks at Meng Shi with an expression too serious for his five-year-old face. 

"Hello, Meng-guniang. It is an honor to meet you. I have a very unbelievable story to tell you, but I hope you will believe me." 

And then he closes his eyes and hums a tune A-Yao taught him decades in the future. 

WHAT.

WHAT.

"A-Yao, who is this? Did you just teach him that?"

"A-Yao did not! He's a magic friend from the future."

"Thirty years from now, a magic accident I failed to stop destroyed all the time between now and then. Because I was at the center of it, I can remember what happened. That future doesn't exist anymore; even if I tried not to change anything, things would inevitably go differently just by chance. So I'm fixing everything I can, and one of the things I can fix is getting you two out of here." 

Blinkblinkblink. 

"Are you sure that you can get us out and away from Yunping? We highly appreciate you visiting us and bestowing your help, gongzi, but there's a reason that girls don't just run off..."

"Yes. We made it here from Gusu in less than a day. Cultivators' swords are fast. And I've got a lot of practice at sneaking people out of places, by now," he sighs. He hesitates. "...And in the original timeline, you died while still waiting for Sect Leader Jin to come for A-Yao, years from now." 

That calls for a lot more blinking.

"Okay. If that is so, we will follow your direction, gongzi."

"Why did Daddy forget?"

"A-Yao, it isn't polite to ask the young master all our questions at once, especially while he is in the middle of graciously helping us. We can talk about it later."

"I should probably talk with you about that first," he says to Meng Shi, shooting an apologetic look at A-Yao. "There's grownup stuff." 

She nods her head. "Thank you."

"It's probably better to leave under cover of darkness. How soon can you be ready?"

"By nightfall, if that's what you need."

"That would be best. Thank you for taking this seriously." 

She bows. "Where should we meet you?"

"Come to the window, carrying A-Yao and anything you're bringing with you." 

Okay.

She thanks him again, and sends A-Yao to escort him back out.

He returns to his mother and explains the plan and that they can spend the rest of the day resting and away from people if she wants. 

Yes that sounds great let's go right now

Okay. They can find an isolated spot within view of the city and eat lunch out of their supplies and cuddle some more. Still no spoon, A-Zhan, sorry. 

A-Zhan will tolerate the absence of spoons in exchange for cuddling and getting to hold Bunny.

Where's Uncle?

"...Uncle is back at Cloud Recesses." 

Oh. When are they going back to Cloud Recesses? There are spoons there.

"There are spoons other places too. And we won't be able to have Mommy anymore if we go back." 

Oh NO. Well, they have to have Mommy. 

"...Uncle?"

"Uncle has to take care of the Sect." 

That's true, Uncle has lots of responsibilities. 

Are they going to visit Uncle once a month now instead?

"No. We might not see Uncle again for a long time." 

-- she feels some guilt, but mostly more resentment. If Qiren hadn't stolen her children, she wouldn't have had to steal them back. She isn't the one who splintered their early childhoods.

She pets A-Zhan's hair and sings to him.

He curls up in her lap and hides his face in Bunny.

"I'm sorry, A-Zhan." 

Petting, singing.

After enough petting and singing, he drifts off.

Sigh. "This is better for him," she whispers. "Isn't it?"

"I think so. ...If we're wrong, if it's not, I can take him and go back. And you'd still be free, and we'd have had as many years as there were in the interim. Nobody will think a five-year-old was behind what happened. But I think this way is better." Pet pet. "After we rescue Meng Shi and Meng Yao, we could try to find Cangse-sanren and Wei Changze. They died soon in the old future, too, and their son and A-Zhan became close, later."

"Hmm. Do you know where they would be now?"

"No. I know where they'll die, but that's still years out. But they're friends with the Jiang sect leader, he might know." 

"I'm not sure if going near any sect leaders is a good idea."

"We can't avoid it forever. Lots of things that go wrong involve sect leaders." 

Right, well assassinating Sect Leaders is one thing, talking to them and leaving them alive is another.

"You have reason to believe that he will not turn us in immediately? Or even mention to anyone that he saw us? By the time we get to Yunmeng, news of your disappearance will have spread."

"Would he recognize you, if you left us somewhere and went in by yourself and said you were a friend of hers?"

"He shouldn't." She hates this plan. But. Given how scared she has apparently become of unarmed townsfolk, she probably will not be in favor of any plans. And she isn't going to stop her son from saving people's lives. 

"If I decide I trust Meng Shi, she can come along and watch you while I find him."

"Okay. It's not urgent on a scale of days or anything." 

"Mhm." She gestures for A-Huan to come closer. They can cuddle and rest until it's time for dinner.

Yep sounds good. He has been really stressed since he came back from the future and just getting to be a five-year-old cuddling his mommy for several hours sounds REALLY REALLY NICE ACTUALLY. 

Awwwwwww. Yes, he deserves SO many cuddles.

After the several hours of cuddling Lihua carefully transfers A-Zhan from her lap to A-Huan's so that she can move around and start a fire for soup.

A-Huan cuddles his baby brother VERY MUCH.

Awwwww.  When soup is ready, he can wake his baby brother up!

He gently shakes his baby brother awake. 

He blinks awake, yawning. "Mm?"

"There's soup." 

Soup is good. He rolls out of Brother's lap and sits up for soup, rubbing his eyes.

She loves him so so much. Both of her sons can have bowls of soup to drink.

He does not think he has ever had his mother's cooking before in either life and he. Is NOT going to cry about that in front of A-Zhan. But Mom can probably tell that there are Feelings going on. 

He has not, and she has her own Feelings about this.

Instead of talking about it she can just put an arm around him and they can lean against each other. "Does it taste alright?"

"It's wonderful, Mommy." Hug hug hug. 

Hughughug.

It does taste alright. She's a little relieved; it's been even longer since she's cooked than since she's flown. They eat their meal quietly, as the boys will be used to, but still quite snuggly.

He drinks the soup and snuggles his mother and brother and watches A-Zhan so he can help if it looks like A-Zhan is going to spill anything. 

A-Zhan needs a little bit of help when he tilts the bowl up too far and splashes on his face; he isn't accustomed to bowl-tilting.

Xichen wipes the soup off his face quickly and shows him how to hold the bowl better. 

Brother is so talented and helpful!! A-Zhan hums his appreciation and keeps drinking.

Aww.

Once they're done eating, she needs a little time to clean and pack away the bowls and then they can go.

They creep up to the building and Xichen points out which window to fly up to. 

She gives him A-Zhan and flies up to the window. Peers in, knocks quietly.

Meng Shi jumps a little and then rushes over to the window, pulling it open. She leans out and peers wide-eyed at the woman and her sword hovering in the air. Ah, and there's the strange boy from earlier, standing on the ground beneath her.

"Guniang," she whispers, remembering to bow at the last second. "I wasn't sure if you would really come. Is your sword able to hold all three of us at once?"

"Yes. It will be easier if you get on first and then carry your son. I can carry your bags, if you have them."

She has one bag packed with their clothes, A-Yao's books and toys, and a single bottle of perfume she's become attached to. The bag can be passed to Impressive Cultivator Lady, and then she... perches on the windowsill, not entirely sure how to mount the sword without falling.

Impressive Cultivator Lady can put the bag of stuff down between her knees and pick Meng-guniang up off of the windowsill, if she likes.

(!)

Oh, yes, she would find that very helpful.

Scoop.

A-Yao wants to be scooped too!!!

Meng Shi leans back towards the window to scoop him up, cultivator lady supporting her with an arm around her waist. Her hands shake slightly and she recognizes that she is scared both to be holding her son high up in the air and to be leaving this place in general. It has been a home, this room, albeit a poor one, and she had never envisioned a life of liberation that didn't also involve her husband looking after them. It's an intimidating transition to be making.

But so was having A-Yao in the first place, and she survived that just fine.

She does not drop her son from high up in the air.

And Lihua does not drop either of them. She flies them slowly and gently down to the ground.

A-Zhan starts squirming in Brother's arms, immediately wanting to be picked up by Mommy again.

Xichen lets go once Mommy is in picking-up range and not holding onto Meng Shi, then bows to both Mengs.

Meng Shi bows, and A-Yao bobs his head in a little bow from her arms. "Thank you," she whispers, which feels - incomplete. It feels wrong not to be providing payment of some sort; she hasn't actually done anything to deserve such a strange rescue.

"What should we do now?"

"The next step is to find the rogue cultivator Cangse Sanren and her family. Sect Leader Jiang might know where she is but we're trying to avoid too much attention too soon so we'll probably see if we can find anything out from rumors first."

.... that's a much broader-scale plan than she expected to receive from that question. She is unsure why the boy wants them to stick around for further plan-stages, but she won't object. Sticking with a cultivator will only be a good thing.

"I see. Do you mean to go straight there, gongzi?"

"No. But we will travel further from here tonight; you will be safe."

He weighs Meng Shi's possible discomfort roughing it against his mother's probable discomfort staying at an inn around people, and then considered the listening-for-rumors part of the plan. 

"We should be able to reach a small intermediate town tonight," he offered. "We could find an inn to sleep at and listen for possible rumors of Cangse-sanren's whereabouts." 

!!! He's never slept in an INN before, wow.

That's fine with her. Are they... all going to fly on this one sword?

That's the plan. It will be crowded, but with each of them holding a baby it won't be too crowded.

(She's not thrilled about the inn plan, but she doesn't actually think it's dangerous. What's more of a risk at this point is probably her own exhaustion; she hasn't slept in over a day, and she has already collapsed twice. But she knows how far she can push herself; she ever went three days straight without sleep, as a rogue cultivator.)

Having another sword for people to fly on is admittedly one of the reasons finding Cangse Sanren is next. 

He gently nudges his mommy though paying for room at the inn when she seems close to freezing up. 

She is conveniently too distracted by being SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE to be appropriately ashamed of requiring supportive nudging from a five* year old.

Everything feels too loud and too close and she isn't used to filtering this much sensory information for potential threats; her head pounds. In the Cloud Recesses it was always quiet, unless she decided to scream, and the threats to her or her children only ever came in through one easily monitored door. 

A-Huan is very sweet. She pays for their room and an attendant takes them there. (She doesn't actually want to kill the attendant at all, but it really feels like she probably should, she should kill him and grab A-Huan and run before the door closes and they're trapped again --)

The attendant leaves them. Lihua passes a sleeping A-Zhan off to his brother and immediately sets about dragging furniture in front of the door.

Uh.

"My lady, do you... think it's very likely that we're being followed?"

Lihua is too focused on pushing this STUPID FUCKING WARDROBE that should be MUCH EASIER TO MOVE THAN THIS to notice that she's being addressed.

"She was trapped inside for six years. She's not used to dealing with lots of people." 

"I see." How very, very sad. "Can this one help in any way?"

"Probably. But I'm not sure how." 

She finishes shoving the wardrobe into place, her arms aching, and stumbles back away from it with her head spinning.

Meng Shi haphazardly catches her before she can faint to the ground -- and then panics, and nearly drops her, because she's grabbing a cultivator -- doesn't drop her -- 

"My lady! Oh, we are so inconsiderate leaving you to move the furniture when you have already flown us this whole way -- apologies. My lady must be exhausted. May I help you to a bed?"

"Mm," she says, closing her eyes and trying very hard not to faint. "Yes -- A-Huan, A-Zhan --"

"Right here, Mommy," he says, holding out his baby brother. 

She takes him, and allows Meng Shi to guide her bed-wards. Even deep in sleep, A-Zhan fastens himself to her shoulder like a limpet. She loves him. She loves him, no one is ever going to take her sons away from her again.

The bed is soft. Lihua hadn't been sure she would be capable of sleep, as on-edge as she felt, but already her eyelids feel weighted down. "Thank you, Meng-guniang," she mumbles. "A-Huan, baobei, 's everything alright? Do you... there's water in the bag, you should have some..."

"Everything's alright, Mommy," he says, and pets her hair. 

"Mmmm."

She sleeps like being pulled under water.

Meng Shi turns away to tuck A-Yao into the other bed and give the family some privacy.

"Thank you for believing me," he says, after a little while, when A-Yao seems to be asleep. 

Small smile. "Perhaps I was too quick to," she says softly. "But you are quite a convincing young master, and you were offering to get us out... it all moved very fast. I don't believe I even know your names yet."

"My name is Lan...Huan. I don't have my courtesy name yet in this timeline, but it's going to be Xichen." He shifts, and looks at A-Yao. "...In the future, your son was a very dear friend to me," he says softly. 

Her eyes soften. "Oh? I'm glad he is meant to have dear friends. Did you practice cultivation together?"

He nods, an odd faraway look coming into his eye. "I taught him a great deal about musical cultivation. He was an apt pupil." 

A more pronounced smile. "That does not surprise me. A-Yao is very bright; already he has begun learning how to read."

"I am not surprised." 

He pauses, and looks down at his feet. 

"...I'm sorry. Jin Guangshan was not the man he made himself out to be to you. He was never going to come for either of you."

She blinks, hard. "He is an important figure in the cultivation world. I am sure that many things could have kept him too busy..."

"In the cultivation world, it is known that the only force that motivates Jin Guangshan more than his fear of his wife is his lechery," he says flatly. "He was never going to risk her ire by bringing you in as a concubine. The man sired who knows how many bastards, and he only ever gave his name to one." He looks at A-Yao again. "That one was A-Yao, but it wasn't because he came for him. After you died, he set out for Koi Tower on foot, to ask his father to take him in. His father kicked him down the stairs at the front of the tower. From that point on, he schemed and plotted and planned and fought, and finally won so much acclaim from the other sects that Jin Guangshan had to take him in, if he didn't want to lose face from the other sects." 

"The pearl he gave you isn't worth anything. It's a trinket he has dozens of; he hands them out like candy to any girl who he decides to persuade to go to bed with him. Rather than using force. A-Yao didn't find out that the mother of the woman he married had been violated by Jin Guangshan until it was too late." 

"I --

I." She's shaking. Meng Shi has a lot of practice at not letting herself throw up, but she feels sick and it hurts and she's shaking and it hurts.

"Nobody knew how awful he was for a long time. It's not your fault you didn't know what was common knowledge in the cultivation world."

Most of the cultivation world hadn't spent a night in bed whispering with the man. She had had the opportunity to know him, and she thought she had known him, and. The guilt's nearly enough to suffocate her. (Guilt and disbelief, and pain, why does it hurt so much why does her stomach hurt this much why does her skin feel so cold, she would like for it to stop) --

It feels like she did something very wrong. Like if she hadn't fallen for him he wouldn't have gone on to violate that other poor girl, even though that wouldn't -- that wouldn't have. Done anything. It still feels wrong.

(And the part about A-Yao and his marriage she is just -- blocking out, right now, because it isn't real at all and it's never going to happen and she's never going to let him go near Jin Guangshan ever at all, actually, and -- she can shove this knowledge away and never have it matter again because it doesn't matter it's going to be fine.)

After she's had a little while to process that, he adds, "He built a temple for you." 

"What?"

"Sometime after he became Jin Guangyao, the brothel you worked at closed. He bought the land and tore down the building and had a temple to Guanyin built there. And he modeled the Guanyin statue after you." 

This is really a lot to process all in one night. She starts crying.

Yeah that's pretty reasonable. He leaves her alone to deal with her feelings, bidding her goodnight and snuggling up with his mom and baby brother. 

Sleepsnuggles.

When he wakes up he contemplates the possibility of shoving the wardrobe away from the door for going-downstairs-and-listening-for-rumors purposes, but decides that it would be rude to wake Meng Shi with furniture scraping around, and also probably it wouldn't help his mom's nerves to wake up with it gone. Instead, Snuggles. 

A-Zhan stirs and makes a sleepy waking noise beside him. Waking up to snuggles is maybe the best thing in the world, he thinks, but it makes getting up sound a lot less fun. He's so cozy.

Cozy cozy snuggles. He has no idea if Mommy sleeps on Cloud Recesses time but they definitely don't have to get up before she does.

A-Zhan yawns. He streeeetches and rolls over, promptly scrunching back up small and latching onto Brother instead of Mommy. 

"Good morning, A-Zhan." 

"Gege," he mumbles into Brother's shirt, meaning 'thank you, good morning.'

"Breakfast time?"

"I bet we can find something breakfast-suitable in the supplies." 

Rummage rummage. 

A-Zhan blinks around at the very unfamiliar room. This isn't his bedroom OR a strange field, which is confusing. It seems like a pretty normal room, with a bed and a floor and a Brother and a Mommy, except that it doesn't seem to have a door.

"....door?" Maybe all the doors are back in Cloud Recesses with their tables and spoons.

"The door is behind the wardrobe right now." 

This room doesn't have spoons in it but there is a table. 

A-Zhan squints at the wardrobe. "Is the door playing hide-n-seek?" 

"No. Mommy put the wardrobe there so nobody could come in until she moved it back."

Oh. Well if Mommy put it there then that's probably okay.

Does Brother want help rummaging in the bags?

Okay!

Rummage rummage rummage.

They can acquire reasonably breakfasty foods and put them on the table.

Yes!! Very neatly!! A-Zhan kneels primly at the table and waits for Brother to serve him food.

Brother serves him with all the solemnity and etiquette a five-year-old body can manage with the resources at hand. 

It's fucking adorable. 

They are so good at breakfast!!! Big brother is SO good at etiquette, A-Zhan is awed.

Lihua does not sleep on Cloud Recesses time (even when she hasn't been up for two days straight prior to sleeping), but she has a very convenient nightmare that wakes her up not too long into the little ones' breakfast.

She smiles over at her sons - they are ADORABLE, TOO ADORABLE - and stretches and gets out of bed to join them. "Good morning A-Huan, A-Zhan."

"Good morning Mommy!"

!!!

Time to scramble over and be on Mommy's lap immediately. A-Zhan buries his face in her robes and clings like a little koala bear. 

She laughs and pets his hair. "Baobei, don't you want to finish your breakfast?"

"Aren't you still hungry?"

HMMMM. What if Xichen is a BLATANT ENABLER and comes over here and attempts to hand-feed A-Zhan while he clings to Mommy. 

Then Xichen will get some appreciative cooing noises and a very happy A-Zhan!

GOOD. A-Zhan's happiness is SO IMPORTANT. 

After A-Zhan has been fed Xichen sets out breakfast for the Mengs. 

Meng Yao wakes up first. He climbs out of bed and hops over to Xichen. "Good morning, Lan-gongzi."

"Good morning, Meng-gongzi!" 

He beams. "What are we doing today?"

"Today we're going to try to find out where Cangse Sanren is."

"Like Lan-gongzi found out where A-Yao is?"

"I already knew where you were, but Cangse-sanren and her family move around a lot." 

"Are we going to move around a lot too?"

"I'm not sure. We'll have to decide that. It's not something that's already happened." 

He is out of questions so now he will just gaze at Lan Xichen in awe.

Xichen beams back. A-Yao is okay and alive and innocent and tiny and cute!

"--There's food," he adds belatedly, gesturing. "For you and Meng-guniang." 

His eyes widen. "For us? But your family..."

Uncertain nervous glance at other Lans.

"A-Zhan and I already ate. We have plenty." 

BEAM.

"Thank you!!! Mama will say thank you too when she wakes up. The food smells nice, did you make it?"

"No, most of it's prepared stuff, but Mommy made the soup." 

He eats some food. It is very very good and he is very very appreciative about it. He's happy to chat with Lan Xichen the whole meal and ask questions about other things like his home and his ribbon and his cultivation and his Life Goals.

Meng Shi wakes and joins them midway through this interrogation.

He is from the Cloud Recesses but might not be going back anytime soon for future-altering reasons. Here is the symbolic significance of the Lan forehead ribbon! Cultivation is COMPLICATED but here are the very basics. His life goals right now are mostly to avert a bunch of disasters and make sure that the people he cares about are happy and secure. 

"The people I love includes you, A-Yao," he says earnestly, clasping the other boy's hand. "In the future, you were my best friend." 

BIG BIG EYES. 

"Am I enough the same as big me?" He really really really really wants Lan Xichen to keep loving him, it turns out that being loved by people other than just your mom is really really nice. He definitely wants to keep doing the loveable things and not accidentally do unloveable things just because he isn't big enough to know which is which yet.

HUG. 

"Yeah. No matter what, A-Yao is A-Yao." 

Future A-Yao sure did a SHITTON of unloveable things but Xichen never stopped loving him. 

HUG!!

After hug it's time for MORE BEAMING. With tiny little dimples.

Awwwwwww. Nothing makes her heart warmer than seeing A-Yao this happy. 

She gives her adorable son and his adorable friend some time to be adorable and hug each other, but eventually she speaks up and suggests that they all get going soon.

"Okay." 

He reluctantly lets go and starts to tidy up breakfast stuff. 

A-Zhan toddles over to hold onto HIS big brother's sleeve and glare suspiciously at A-Yao.