Leasca (the photographer) and Nocran (the caver and the one carrying all their stuff) ought to have no trouble entering the cave that is on some planets known as Altamira, taking a bunch of pictures of the cave paintings, and then walking right out again.
Technically speaking they do not have trouble with this, but when they step out into the sunshine, the skyline of the town they ought to be able to see isn't there, despite the clear weather.
For the most part, there's no evidence of a town at all. There's just trees - with much thicker undergrowth than they remember seeing when they went in - and in the distance where the town was there's a single tower poking its head above the treetops. From its golden stone battlements, a crimson banner is flying.
"Do you have signal?"
"Nnnnno."
"Me either.
"...tower?"
"I guess. What is going on..."
They hike toward the tower, insofar as this is readily doable with the understory like that.
It's not easy to make their way through the undergrowth - they have to trample ferns and duck under branches and skirt around thickets of brambles and holly - but it won't take very long before they come across a simple dirt path that wanders through the forest.
The trees have been cleared just enough to make a tunnel perhaps two and a half metres tall - enough for a horse and rider, if both were on the smaller side. The branches arch above them and paint the path with stripes of sunlight gold and sandy shadows.
An unusual, disproportionate number of the trees lining the path are fruit trees.
Oh, a path, that's much better. It takes them a while to notice the fruity nature of the trees, but when they do it's encouraging; the place is managed.
And eventually they'll come to a place where a very makeshift archway - consisting mainly of five planks of wood, nailed to the trees on either side of the path and also nailed to each other to form a clear artificial structure in an arc - with another crimson banner hanging from it. Up closer, they can see the two golden chevronels on the crimson banner, and read the writing on the arch:
Àvenil ákathlè kirisa a'Elthé ti ruyel déno lirifú saká esiteyo! Etanaté dan lirènai sikreyà vaineti lirifú inára. Yaret hé, kiàronet firá tineyo.
...well, Leasca can take a picture of this. She cannot read it. They investigate the arch environs for a minute to see if there's more writing but they then move on.
There's no more writing, but on the back of the arch there's a series of symbols that are much more readable. Each is drawn on a vaguely flag-shaped triangle. At the point of the arch is one they've already seen; gold chevronels, red background. The other symbols include a green sword on white, a blue cloud on white with a blue edge, a black diagonal stripe on yellow, three black diagonal stripes on white, a yellow candle on red, several birds in various poses, three red shields on yellow, and - near the bottom of the arch on both sides - empty triangles, as if awaiting more symbols to be filled in.
Leasca takes a picture of that too but it's if anything more incomprehensible; the other stuff at least was definitely writing and it's anyone's guess what the symbols mean. Like, what is any of that. "Wet floor"? "Biohazard"? "Yield to scooter traffic"? On they proceed down the path.
The gate clearly says visitors are welcome but ought to announce themselves. This is almost purely so that guards like Lira, who aren't particularly experienced, have an easy way to tell the difference between peaceful travellers and flag raiders.
These visitors waltzed right on through - no horn blast, no whistle, not even the barest effort of a shout - but they don't seem like they're flag raiders. For one thing, they don't look to have any weapons. For another, they're also not even making the barest effort to be sneaky.
In xer comfortable cushiony hide, Lira has both a deadly sword and a very blunt sword. Xe hesitates and then picks up both, one in each hand, and emerges from the bushes.
"Àvenil ákathlè a'Elthainí! Yero vo'zétik ràyenni?"
"Uh, hi! We don't speak whatever that is!" says Nocran. "We're really lost! Do you know where we can find Alund?"
"Alund," echoes Leasca helpfully.
...well, Lirénnaya doesn't even recognise that language. Xe will try as many as xe knows a little of, which is five verbal and two sign and xe'll count 'brandishing two swords poetically' as an eighth.
"Linya? vo'daln Linya... Arevin? Esner? ...kii, des vo'dat Terrishi - Terrishi? Aei... Tol?"
None of those?
"We only speak Alundese," says Nocran.
"I know, uh... a little bad Chiark," says Leasca haltingly.
Lira has the blunt sword in xer left hand. Xe moves a little closer and, if they don't move back, pokes whichever of the two is closer in the chest with the tip of the blunt weapon. It's slightly padded.
"Das lè Lirénnaya Katlání Ayèsedai Ri Runa Laitiáné Seyu, ti ruyel Kairé Siōnà, stel kiri a'Elthé, iya saká esiteyo. Yinat."
"I don't know what yinat means!" says Nocran, fumbling with one of the camera bags when tapped in the shoulder like he did not actually expect the local to make physical contact with him with a sword, even a padded pretend sword.
Lira pokes Nocran again, slightly harder, and makes a pushing gesture with the other - sharper - sword. (No contact with the sharp sword, not yet, and Lira doesn't get particularly close; xe isn't confident enough yet with the blade to take silly risks.)
"Vo'yinas, das lè kiri a'Siōnà! Yinat!"
"Shit, dude, I do not know what you are saying!" he says, dropping a bag and scooping it up. "Why are we skipping the, like, pointing at things step of this process! Look, see, - Nocran," he points at himself, "Leasca," he points at his friend.
Lira doesn't understand anything the stranger is saying either, but xe would've thought that poking someone in the chest with a sword was fairly universally understood!
But these strange people aren't backing off, or... even politely bowing or waving or offering food or doing anything that would make sense to do if you showed up on the border of somewhere where you had not bothered to learn the language and wanted to be remotely polite.
Maybe they are very stupid? Kairé will be upset if Lira kills someone just for being stupid.
Xe does not point to xemself. Instead xe turns xer shoulder slightly, enough to show clearly the part of xer cloak embroidered with three triangles. The top one is crimson with two golden chevronels. Below that is a triangle showing a blue cloud on white with a blue edge, and below that is a triangle showing a yellow sun on a divided red-black background.
"Lirénnaya Katlání Ayèsedai Ri Runa Laitiáné Seyu," xe says patiently, and prods the stranger with the blunt sword again.
"Ow! Stop that!" exclaims Nocran, nearly dropping his bag again. He moves one to protect the spot he keeps poking.
"Is that my -"
"I will replace it if it is stabbed by a barbarian, Leasca!"
...Okay, experiment time. Lira very, very slowly moves the sharp sword towards the one who called xemself Nocran. Slowly enough that anyone who understood what a sword was would simply step back, and unless the stranger leaps forwards Lira isn't going to draw more than a drop of blood; but if Nocran doesn't move, Lira will poke just barely hard enough to break skin.
Does Nocran speak poetic-sword-brandishing yet?
"Nocran I think he might be going to actually fucking stab you?!" exclaims Leasca.
"We didn't do anything!" says Nocran indignantly. "I don't understand why -"
Leasca knocks Nocran down.
Okay, so, one of these people is actually an idiot who doesn't understand what a sword is or that it is dangerous, and the other one is in charge and possibly also sensible. Lira switches to addressing exclusively Leasca.
"Lirénnaya," Lira tries, tapping xemself on the chest with a sword hilt. Xe points the wooden sword at Leasca. "Leasca? Aei... vìtaríya?"
Xe gestures back towards the arch with the other blade. It's hard to do much more precise gesturing without putting a sword down.
"Sir, I do not have the flyingest fuck of a clue what you want," says Leasca. "I do not speak your language. I know Alundese and a little bad Chiark, Chiark is this - words - that I say -. We are lost." She attempts to mime this by shading her eyes with her hand and looking around, squinting in all directions, tilting her head in performative confusion, and shrugging. "Lost. We don't know where we are. We don't know what your problem is. Is the problem something about the -" She points and describes the shape of the arch with her pointer finger. "Arch thing there? We didn't even touch it."
Oh! They are lost!
....that's no excuse for them to be horribly rude, but Lira doesn't particularly have a way to communicate that, so xe supposes xe might as well try to help. If it turns out that they are honoured guests and Lira doesn't help then Kairé will be quite annoyed.
Well, xe can't help with a sword in both hands, so xe has to figure out which one to put down. After a moment's consideration xe decides that xe is more scared of strangers who don't feel the need to carry weapons, not less, and drops the blunt sword into a frog at xer hip.
Hand freed up, xe retrieves xer daybook from an embroidered belt pouch and flips through it one-handed until xe reaches the map page. It's a rough collection of blue and green and black lines showing rivers and roads and honour lines, with more flag-shaped triangles marking various different dwellings and a few other symbols for things like stables and inns and wells.
"Sútrayònìri," Lira says, turning the map around to show Leasca.
Oh thank goodness, that is very nearly almost comprehensible as a way to react to lost hikers! Leasca blinks at the map, which... might not be completely wrong for the rivers in the area, she guesses? She didn't memorize where all the rivers in the region were. She pulls out her phone to see if it's got the map cached even though there's no signal; it lights up.
That is very very strange.
Lira has seen an electrical light before - there's an artisanal workshop under Iríya Rikàthè that has a gorgeous electrical light in the ceiling, powered by a handmade generator that runs off the river Laiyénu - but where's the wire? And how is it changing into so many colours? And how'd they get it so small? And why are two such foolish people in such ugly clothes wandering around with such a valuable thing and no weapons?
"Rákya?" Lira asks, and pokes the phone with xer sword tip. "Daln sìrithenté?"
"Whoa, hey, you'll scratch it. I don't know what you're saying. I don't have signal. Do you have signal here?" Here's the map. The rivers do mostly match when she gets the map oriented the same way, so that's... bad, actually, this strange sword guy is not something Leasca expected to find near the cave at all.
Lira is not getting close enough to see the maps lining up, but... Leasca definitely seems to be getting some kind of information from the magic wireless box that somehow has lights with no wires and no nearby generator.
Well, a gate guard is properly charged to figure out what in fairyland is going on with trespassers - and these are definitely currently trespassers and not guests - so xe has a right to know what, in the name of all that's noble, that is!
"Lé rachat," Lira commands, and holds xer free hand out for the phone and the book.
"Torilú," Lira says automatically without thinking about it, and then feels silly for saying it. Xe pockets the book and jabs the phone again with xer sword. "Rákya áya daln? Lé rachat! - vo'royit, lè áya rachach ú'tinúliseta."
"Hey, you're going to scratch it, don't do that!" says Leasca, pulling the phone back and putting it back in her pocket.
"I think he's mugging us," says Nocran, from where he hasn't gotten up off the ground.
"...you think he's mugging us? With a sword."
You can't just... respond to a guard asking to see something by hiding it in a confusing fold of your garment - wait, is that a sewn up garment fold? Is that specifically for theft? Lira tries to figure out what conceivable purpose that would have other than theft, and can't come up with anything, but... they're not wearing overgarments to hide the fold so it's not even very good for theft.
"Zat, zat," Lira says dismissively to the subordinate on the ground, who should not be interrupting while xe tries desperately to figure out if xe's dealing with incredibly confusing rich diplomats with awesome wares to sell from a faroff land or petty thieves who aren't even very good at stealth.
Turning to Leasca, xe pokes the garment fold where the fancy wireless light was just hidden away. "Lè vo'das vonsè."
"Zat zat?" repeats Nocran. That was an unusually repeatable bit of verbiage, maybe he's trying to teach them something?
Leasca steps back.
Lira casts a very despairing glance at Leasca. Is Leasca going to.... do anything... about the subordinate being incredibly rude?
Xe gestures at Nocran and tries the same shrug and eye roll that xe's seen Kairé do when Lirénnaya is being particularly out of line, wondering if it softens the blow for Leasca if they can commiserate over the difficulty together, rather than it just being Lira being embarrassed and Leasca having to be terribly ashamed.
Leasca is absolutely not picking up what Lira's dropping here. "Nocran, let's see if he'll just let us... leave, I'm not sure he's mugging us but I'm also not optimistic that he's about to get us to, like, civilization."
"What kind of discount portal fantasy even is this?"
"Yeah, I don't know, it sucks, but this isn't a middle grade novel and we are going to need, like, food and shelter, and this dude isn't looking likely to provide." She takes another two steps out of sword range, circling around slightly toward her friend, and offers him a hand up.
...nnno, Lira does not fancy explaining "there were some incredibly confusing trespassers or possibly visitors wearing the weirdest clothes I've ever seen and then they showed me some incredible portable light but then hid it in some kind of special theft garment and left" to anyone when the guard changes, actually. If they aren't handing over the object Lira guesses the best option is to... take them to the linguists' guild? Maybe someone will be able to decode what they're saying?
(If they back out past the gate then they aren't xer responsibility anymore at all, but until they do that...)
Lira will try one more time. Xe advances and... is xe skilled enough with the sword to delicately precisely cut through the part of the garment designed to hide things? Probably not, but xe will try it and then err on the side of pulling back if they see unexpected blood?
Leasca shrieks like that's the most surprising thing that has ever happened to her in her life, scrambles backward, and escapes with only a small slit in her pocket that isn't enough to release the phone. Nocran gets to his feet without the hand up and takes off back the way they came, and Leasca follows.
...well, they're now outside the boundaries of where Lira can actually honourably demand anything of them, so xe will stand at the gate and watch them go with an utterly baffled expression on xer face.
Xe has no idea how xe's going to explain this to anyone.
On the bright side they have some kind of unfamiliar footwear, and are consequently leaving the most obvious, distinctive footprints that Lira has ever seen in xer life. Xe turns around to go get someone actually authorised to track these people down and engage in whatever diplomacy needs to be engaged in.
They stop running when they're out of sight of the arch and don't seem to be being immediately followed; neither of them is a runner and they're both coming off a longish hike. They slow down to a walking pace and for lack of a better idea return to the cave.
Lira's superiors are pretty sure Lira is pulling a prank, and once they see the footprints with their elaborately detailed treads, very proud of xem for pulling such an excellently elaborate prank. Young Lira thought a good prank was emptying a water bucket over someone's head and running away, and this is both much less annoying and much more competently and subtly executed. It perhaps even graduates from 'prank' to 'shenanigan', though they'll reserve judgement on that until they follow the footsteps to their destination and see what they find.