- and he comes rushing back into the world, everything at once, toobrightooloudtoomuch, and - it hurts, almost unimaginably, it takes him a long time to figure out that the pain isn't physical at all. For a long time he can't orient to it any more than that, only lie on the blanket of dead leaves under the tree, whimpering quietly. 

Belrun.

He remembers her name, and her face. Remembers looking at chicken eggs with her, for some reason. She was a Healer - what - she went to Valdemar... 

It takes a very long time, after that, to put the rest of the pieces together. The ones he even has, anyway, he's lost so much. Is still losing it, maybe. He feels like there's a crack right through the centre of him, and everything is wrong and broken and awful, and it's so hard to think... 

Leareth. That was his name. 

The far north, on the other side of the Ice Wall Mountains. (Fortunately, it appears that the child whose body he just stole - pause to feel some distant grief for that, the quiet promise that someday, somehow, he's going to fix it - anyway, Essi knew some geography and the mountains should be north and west of here.) He was laying the final preparations in place, there. Damn it, it's such an inconvenient time to die again.

Vanyel. A silver-haired Herald-Mage greeting him in a snow-coated pass - not a real memory, though, it was a dream. Telling him things. What exactly he told Vanyel is a blur, though. 

He remembers meeting Belrun. That part is crystal clear. Kind of a lot of his memories are of Belrun, in fact. Some of them are useful conversations. Some of them are very much not that! 

It's getting dark, and it's starting to rain, or maybe sleet, the moisture falling on him is very cold. 

Focus. He needs to pull himself together, and not freeze to death, and then reconsolidate something that will hold until he finds his lifebonded. He really hopes Belrun will remember what shape of person her lifebonded is supposed to be, because the whole broken lifebond thing is really interfering with his ability to put together coherent core memories. 

...Urtho. He remembers that much. Well, mostly he remembers Belrun telling Vanyel about it, actually, but secondhand will do. He can build most of the rest off conversations with Belrun too, actually, it's easier to focus on those. Explaining to her what he'd done in the past, and why. Her conviction that they ought to at least try to find a better way...

It takes him half the night, and then he curls up with his paltry heat-spell under his little mage-barrier to keep off the rain, and sleeps very badly. 

It does frost overnight, and the freezing rain doesn't stop. When he wakes up, the branches of the tree he's under are encrusted with glittering ice. 

He gets up, shivering, and jumps around a bit until he's warm, then starts walking down the road, in the direction of Valdemar. He'll need to pass through in order to reach the north anyway, and maybe things won't have utterly fallen apart yet, with the negotiations that he left in progress, and he can get in contact with someone... He can't remember any of his people's names, that's so irritating.

(Belrun, Belrun, Belrun, he needs to find her - it hurts, and imagining her in this much pain as well is almost unbearable - if she's even still alive - no, she's tough and stubborn and he has to believe that she is, at least until he gets confirmation one way or another, believing something on faith isn't exactly his style but it's the only way he can keep going, right now.) 

Eventually it occurs to him that one, he would probably be able to think better if he ate something, and two, he could reach the border faster if he can catch a ride of some kind.

...Right, inventory, what Gifts does he have? Essi thought it was just mage-gift, but he wasn't very clear on the exact distinctions there, and it seems like he has some fledgling Mindspeech as well. That's helpful. He doesn't have a lot of range, but at least he remembers some of his habits and training, and he can snoop on the surrounding area. 

There's a farm nearby! There are donkeys grazing in a pen, but without anyone watching them, and no one is watching the storehouse either. 

It takes some strategic distractions, and trying very very hard to stay on task and not get lost in how miserable he is, but a candlemark later, Leareth is in possession of a stolen donkey and a stolen sack of potatoes, as well as several raw eggs snatched from the chicken-coop in his belly and a couple more in his pockets where he hopes they'll stay intact.

He rides down the road. 

It gets even colder the next night. 

Leareth doesn't freeze to death, due to his heat-spell, but he wakes up unable to feel his fingers and toes. He would consider staying in inns, except that he doesn't have any money, and he doesn't feel great about stealing lots of coin from people here, the region seems pretty impoverished. He does pickpocket one traveler, though, in order to buy some better food than plain potatoes at the next village market, and some grain for his donkey. 

It takes a week of hard, miserable riding, frequently sobbing for a while when he's out of sight of other travellers, before he hits the Valdemaran border. It's guarded. 

A blue-uniformed guard greets him. "Please state your business." 

It's completely implausible that a small thirteen-year-old dressed in rags would have important news for the King. "My auntie lives in Haven," he says instead. 

It takes a few more minutes of invented explanation, but he's eventually allowed past. 

Ugh. 

He had forgotten about the vrondi but it doesn't take him long to remember, because they start watching the instant he tries to warm himself with a little heat-spell. Great. Now he's got a broken lifebond and is being constantly watched by air-spirits, this is even more miserable than before. 

He grits his teeth and keeps going. 

The next day it's snowing. 

Leareth is starting to admit to himself that he has a problem, here. 

He's probably still two weeks of riding away from Haven, at this rate, and he isn't sure that he's even going to make it. He's risking freezing to death every time he sleeps. He has to struggle to bring himself to use magic, knowing that the vrondi are watching. If he steals again, he risks getting caught and ending up in trouble with the Valdemaran legal system. He can't Gate; he hasn't been to Haven in this lifetime, and his mage-gift is barely awakened and isn't strong enough yet anyway. He's not eating enough. He's barely getting any real sleep; it's amazing he can still think or do magic at all, at this point. Also now he's ended up with a nagging cough and sore throat, and if he keeps traveling from dawn to dusk and sleeping outdoors he'll end up with pneumonia.

(Not to mention, two more weeks on the road is two more weeks of his lifebonded thinking he's still dead.) 

Maybe ending up in trouble with the Valdemaran legal system isn't such a bad idea. 

Hmm. He needs to think it through, to the extent he even can. He doesn't know that Haven has anyone friendly waiting for him, so summoning attention to himself is a risk.

...But Vanyel isn't going to be cruel about it, even if the alliance has fallen apart. They were almost friends, before, and - well, Vanyel knows what a broken lifebond feels like. 

Leareth pulls together all the courage he can muster, and spends ten minutes throwing around as much magic as he can, making pretty lights and knocking over some trees and sending levinbolts harmlessly into the air. At the end of it he's attracted what feels like an army worth of vrondi, and he sits down on the snow and hugs his knees to his chest and waits. Miserably, but that's no different from usual. 

:Ugh, Web-alarm in the east, who's on it?: Sandra sends to Savil. 

:Ask Van. I'm in meetings:

And so Herald-Mage Vanyel uses Farsight to scope out the region of the alarm. 

:Nothing?: he reports back. :Or, no - there's a very harmless child sitting there looking exhausted. Hardornen, I'd guess. Could be a new mage-gift: 

:I wouldn't assume that looking harmless means he is. But I suppose we'd better collect him before he does any damage by accident. Goodness! We haven't had mage-gifted trainees in so long: 

:This one isn't Chosen: 

:Yet. Anyway. Where is it? I'll pass word down the relay, but if he's tossing around uncontrolled magic like that, might be better for me to Gate in and bring him direct to Haven rather than sending him along in some poor merchant's caravan or pulling a Herald off circuit: 

:I can do i–:

:How about not. Armor hills? I can Gate to Leder's Crossing tonight and collect him: 

There were some parts Leareth didn't think through. Namely, that it's below freezing out, he's a small thirteen-year-old without much body mass to keep warm, and now he's utterly exhausted. He lies in the snow and hopes that someone, anyone, is going to show up before he manages to die again. 

Someone does. A Herald shows up, picks him up, tries to talk to him. 

He's mostly not capable of coherent thought at this point, but tries to say repeatedly that he has to talk to Herald-Mage Vanyel. 

The Herald says something soothing to him that he doesn't manage to parse, and then lifts him on onto her Companion and holds him firmly in place in front of her, leading the donkey behind them. And a while later, he's indoors, with a fire, and someone gives him a blanket, and the message is finally conveyed successfully that Herald-Mage Savil is Gating out to bring him to Haven, they know he's a mage with a uncontrolled Gift, but it's not his fault and everything is going to be all right. 

Everything is going to be all right! But probably not for the reasons they think. 

Leareth falls asleep before Savil arrives. 

He wakes up to find that he's being carried through a Gate. "Careful, I've got him," someone is saying. "Thank you - that's all - Shavri, need you to take a look at him, they're not sure if he's injured or just wore himself out, what do you think...?" 

Leareth forces his eyes open. "Have to t-talk to Vanyel," he pushes out. "S'important..." 

"What? How did you– oh, I suppose everyone's heard of him by now, what, were you hoping for lessons? I need you to relax for right now - Shavri?"

"He needs to be in bed, is what he needs." Her voice softens. "How long were you traveling alone for?"

"A week. Have to talk to Vanyel. Urgent." 

Some mutters are exchanged, but eventually it's decided that he needs to be brought to the House of Healing now but that Vanyel can meet him there whenever he's next free. 

Leareth pretends to be asleep, in hopes that this will delay anyone asking his name until he's spoken to Vanyel first. 

By the time Vanyel gets there, Leareth actually is asleep, finally warm and cozy in a bed at Healers'. Vanyel clears his throat. "You asked for me specifically?" 

"Hnngg?" He struggles awake. "Oh. Sorry. Vanyel." Seeing his face again is causing a lot of emotions to happen, which are at least of a different flavour from 'constant misery'. "I have to - have to..." It's surprisingly hard to speak of it. He switches to Mindspeech, which he's not very skillful at yet. :I have to find Belrun: 

And he bursts into tears. 

Vanyel blinks, frozen on the spot for a long moment. "...Oh, gods. Leareth?" 

It's been six weeks, total, since Leareth's death, though they didn't hear the news for a few days afterward. They were expecting him, Savil supposes when Vanyel is trying to explain it to her over Mindspeech, but not that he'd come to Valdemar first, they assumed he'd head north for some reason. This way makes sense, the north is remote and inconvenient. Also she's kind of surprised, for no good reason whatsoever, that tiny reincarnated Leareth is so adorable.

(Vanyel doesn't want to leave and meet with her properly because Leareth is currently accepting a hug, which seems like something he must need very badly, and Vanyel is kind of worried that if he leaves and comes back, Leareth will have remembered that he's supposed to be dignified with Vanyel.) 

There are a few rushed emergency meetings with the Senior Circle and Leareth's diplomatic party, and then not very long after, one of Leareth's mages is arranging a Gate to Petras. Savil can go and deliver the news. They're not sure where Belrun lives but the university won't be hard to find and probably the dean will agree to talk to the most senior Herald-Mage of Valdemar on short notice. 

Belrun is working.

Belrun works a lot. She got herself assigned some assistants to collect samples and handle administrative tasks and she spends her time in her lab, infecting eggs with things and taking meticulous data and courting headaches from Gift overuse until it's dark and time to ride Amshalan home and eat something her mother puts in front of her and go to bed. They had a stall built for Amshalan off the side of the house right by Belrun's room; the window opens into it and they moved Belrun's bed so if desired Amshalan can stick her head right in and nose her.

But at the time this inquiry is made Belrun is in her lab studying diphtheria.

Savil isn't sure if she's in the middle of something that would be bad to interrupt, so she asks Kellan to poke Amshalan instead. :She probably wants to know right away, we have Leareth in Haven and he's asking for her: 

Belrun is just sketching the diphtheria at this moment, not doing anything hard to drop.

Then Savil will knock politely. "Belrun? It's Herald Savil."

Belrun opens the door. "...yes? What is it?"

"Good news. We found Leareth again - er, rather, he found us. He's in Haven right now." 

"- can you Gate me there today or should I get you a hotel room or did you bring him with you or -"

"We can Gate you there today! I would've brought him but, er, he was traveling alone for a while and he's not in great shape, he's at the House of Healing." 

"...alone? He - did he not go up north first - did he not get my letter -"

"Hmm? No, as far as I can tell he, er, came back somewhere in rural Hardorn and immediately stole a donkey and rushed here as fast as he could. Up to and including deliberately setting off a Web-alarm so we'd go see what the fuss was. He told Van that he wasn't sure of getting a friendly welcome, but that he believed Vanyel at least was going to, well, have some compassion about the lifebond situation, and would help him find you again, even if what happened had disrupted our talks. Also, I think he didn't want to take any more travel time. He's very sad." 

"Does he in fact have a broken lifebond. I wasn't sure it'd - stick."

"Pretty sure it stuck." 

"Okay. I've been keeping everything in boxes except the eggs and I can come back for them later -" She waves vaguely at an assistant and the assistant nods. "My stuff is at my mother's house." She shuffles out of the lab, mentally calling for Amshalan.

:I'm so happy for you!: Amshalan sends, delighted. :I wasn't expecting him to head for Valdemar either, but, well, the north really is quite inconvenient - it's not like he could've gone through Iftel, he would've had to cut through Valdemar to get there anyway: 

Savil hauls herself up onto Kellan's back, and they can ride ahead to Rana's house and get everything loaded out while Leareth's people who Gated Savil here catch up. 

Belrun assembles all her boxes and leaves a note for her mother and is ready in about eight minutes.

Which is around how long it takes for their ride to catch up, assisted by Savil sending Kellan back to give the two a lift. Leareth's people are trained in a particularly efficient concert Gates, making the five hundred mile distance a lot easier. 

And then they're in Haven. 

Shavri meets them at the Gate, along with some Palace servants who can help carry boxes across so they can take down the Gate. "Guessing you'd like to see him right away?" she says. 

"Yes please. Is he okay -"

Shavri starts leading her at a brisk walk, switches to Mindspeech. :Mostly just exhausted, he was on the road for a week - sleeping rough, outside, he didn't have any money and I guess was reluctant to steal from the Hardornen locals, the area's pretty poor. He nearly gave himself pneumonia but we've nipped it in the bud, he'll be fine in a few days: 

:Thank you:

:I should, er, warn you, so you're not too startled, he's really young. I wasn't sure how his whole thing worked but I wasn't expecting this: 

:...I don't actually know how young he usually is when he comes back:

:Well, he says his, um, new body is thirteen, but he's very tiny even for that: Glance back. :I'm sorry, if I were in your position that'd probably feel pretty weird - but at least he's alive, right...: 

:Yeah:

And then they reach the House of Healing, and Shavri knocks on a door. "Leareth, Belrun's here, may we–"

"Come in," a very young, slightly hoarse voice interrupts. When Shavri opens the door, Leareth - well, a very small-looking boy with a mop of curly dark hair, who is presumably Leareth - is scrambling to sit up. "Belrun, I am sorry...I came as fast as I could..." He smothers a cough into his sleeve. 

She shuffles over to the side of the bed and sits and takes his hand. "It's all right. I was - expecting you to go north, I left a letter, but this was probably faster.

- do you know how long it's likely to - take to -"

He squeezes her hand. "I have no idea, this has not exactly come up in the past. Possibly this exact situation has never happened before. ...I hope it is not too long, but - I think it helps just to see you. I - sort of had to believe that you were all right, to manage, but I was not sure." 

"I coped. I went home to my mother and I had Amshalan. I knew you'd be back."

"What happened? After I...died...?" 

"Amshalan and I got away clean. Some of your people picked us up and brought us north. I wrote you a letter and went to Petras. I haven't been keeping up with diplomatic stuff here in detail."

"It's been fine," Shavri says quickly. "Not much to report. Overall we agreed with your take that this occurrence looks very suspicious and also difficult for a human to pull off, and - any gods that would do something like that aren't very friendly to human welfare. That got people thinking a bit. But - nothing urgent that needs to be addressed. Leareth, you need to rest. Belrun, you look like you haven't been sleeping the best either. Should I get a cot brought in so you can stay near each other?" 

"Yes please. I assume there's still room for Amshalan in the Companions' stables -"

"Of course, there's generally plenty of room - just a moment..." Her eyes go unfocused. "Yes, someone's on it. If it was going to help a lot, we do have a room for Heralds here that fits a Companion, we didn't put him there initially because it's occupied, but the patient there is mostly recovered and we could free it up if having Amshalan nearby would help for you." 

"You don't need to kick anyone out, I'll be all right."

Shavri nods. "Well, please let me know if you need anything else in here, in the meantime I'll give you some privacy." She ducks out, shutting the door. 

Leareth looks over, seems like he's maybe about to say something, but stops. 

"I didn't know how young you'd be," she remarks after a moment, looking where his hand is small in hers.

"It is possible I should have specified more. I did not really expect it to come up, certainly not this soon. I am difficult to kill. That was a shockingly blatant intervention; it was very recognizably not a coincidence, which is rare for the gods' activities. Anyway, it varies somewhat, but since it is tied to the first use of mage-gift for a fire spell, which is very basic, and Gifts tend to awaken around this age..." 

"I guess that makes sense."

"I hope it does not bother you too much." 

"Uh, I've never heard of anyone being lifebonded younger than sixteen so it might mean we're both stuck like this for a while if it doesn't clear up overnight. Also it's just sort of generally awkward but I'll get over that in less than several years. Also, like, some random thirteen year old is dead, but random thirteen year olds die on a routine basis so I shouldn't be letting that be too salient."

"...It is still quite salient to me. I really do not like this part of it! I wish there was a different way that I trusted would work and it were safe to switch to it–" Great and now he's crying again. "I apologize," he says through tears, "I am not very - in control of my emotions right now." 

"Side effect?" she wonders, dabbing his cheek with the sleeve at her free hand.

"Of having a broken lifebond or of being thirteen? I suppose it could be mostly just from sleep deprivation. I very much hope that at least I will be able to sleep with you here, I suppose being indoors and in an actual bed will help too." As though on cue, he yawns. "Sorry." 

"Or of the reincarnation process, you have lots of reasons. Go ahead and sleep when you're tired. I'm not going anywhere. ...I guess I might leave if I have to pee but I won't go anywhere for very long."

He nods. "I wanted to say, because I think I did not mention this before either - I am not really all of Leareth, yet? I remember a limited amount and I have not had a chance to even find any of my records yet, much less read through them. So I am quite - incomplete. I just want to make sure that will not catch you off guard." He smiles, tiredly. "I think I remember the highlights of our relationship well enough, it was all recent and - not very long." 

"It really wasn't. I summarized everything in the letter - I kept a copy for myself, I could go dig it up if you want?"

"I would appreciate that. Maybe...in the morning...?" Yawn. "Belrun, I want - could I have a hug? I missed you so much. I know it was worse for you, it was so much longer, but..." 

"I knew you were coming back and I had Amshalan and I kept really busy," she says, scooping him into a hug.

Leareth hugs Belrun back, cries a bit more, and then dozes off in her arms. 

She waits till he's deeply asleep and then deposits him gently on the bed so she'll be able to transfer to the cot when it shows up.

It arrives shortly later with Gemma, the Healer who originally greeted her on her arrival to Haven. She nods to Belrun, and sets it up almost without any noise, then pauses by Leareth's bedside and quickly examines him with Healing-Sight without otherwise disturbing him. :Hope you both sleep well. I'm here all night if you need anything: 

:Thank you:

And she stretches out on the cot, one hand reaching over the gap to rest her fingertips on his, and she sleeps.

Leareth sleeps through the night for the first time since acquiring his new body; it's unclear whether it's thank to Belrun's presence or being comfortable and warm indoors, or both. 

As usual for the last week, though, he wakes up very disoriented. Where is he - nothing is how it should be - his body is wrong, even his mind feels half-alien, unfamiliar. And when he instinctively reaches out with mage-sight, none of the wards he usually puts down before sleeping are there. (He was way too drained, and then distracted by Belrun's arrival, to manage it.)

–Belrun is there, though, the only thing about his surroundings that's familiar, if not entirely right and okay, he can feel her but it still feels somehow unbalanced. She's there, though, and without thinking he reaches out with his mostly-untrained Mindspeech, :Belrun help where are we???: 

:Nmmm ugh uh we're at Healers' in Haven? Don't you remember -?:

:Give me a moment...: He works on piecing together the fragments from yesterday. :Right - I remember now. I am sorry for waking you: 

:It's okay: She pats his hand.

Leareth lays down again, focuses on slowing his breathing until he feels reasonably calm. :I have been waking up confused about where I am every day: he admits. :I suspect this is normal, when I am just starting out in a new body? Everything feels very unfamiliar and wrong, still, so it startles me when I wake: 

(Again a pang of sadness, and frustration; his previous body should have been good for at least another fifty years, if the stupid gods didn't keep killing him then a certain Hardornen thirteen-year-old would still be alive. Well, maybe, it's not like Essi had a very good plan for running away from home.) 

:When you're feeling better we can get you to your records and perhaps they have a how-to guide. Do you want my letter now, though, since that's nearer to hand?:

:Yes, please: 

She identifies the box it's in and Fetches it out and hands it over.

Leareth reads it. Halfway through he starts crying again, and has to stop and dab at his eyes so he can see the paper again. Then he reads it a second time, very focused. 

"Thank you," he says finally. "That is very helpful, I feel much more oriented." 

"You're welcome."

Leareth reaches out and squeezes her hand. "...How are you feeling? I still feel - very sad - I think something is different with the lifebond but it does not feel like everything is all right, yet." 

"Yeah, me too. You told me once that reincarnation in general preserves lifebond compatibility but you didn't mention how you knew that."

"It was mostly a guess, from some Tayledras and Shin'a'in anecdotes; they have a small population size and strong oral history traditions, so more cases of recognized reincarnation, and the Star-Eyed seems fond of lifebonds. It also makes sense given the mechanism. The soul is the part that the gods can work with directly, the rest of what a person is, is - fleshed out, I suppose, as they are born and grow up in a particular brain and body, there can be nudges there but it would get messy. Given that I have reason to believe lifebonds are a tool the gods use to meddle, I can infer that the soul, which transfers across lifetimes, is the relevant part." Frown. "I suppose the gods might sometimes make modifications before reincarnating a given soul, but I know They did not do so for me, since I bypass that system entirely." 

"Okay. So it's probably just that you're too young or something."

"Normally lifebond compatibility is preserved but people do not come back with broken lifebonds," Leareth says thoughtfully. "I am a little confused that it seemed to come across for me, though it does seem as though it would be much odder if the person were returning as an infant and without memories. I have significantly more continuity of self than would usually be the case, maybe that is why."

He twists around to lock eyes with her. "And - you would have accepted a broken lifebond for the rest of your life? If I had come back without one, and - not wished to be mind-control-bonded to you again? That is–" he blinks hard, "it is - very, I am not even sure of the word, 'kind' is not it, but - very something..." 

"I really hate mind control."

"I know." He drags a sleeve over his face. "You are not going to like this idea, I think, but - we could have a Mindhealer look and see if they think the bond is going to re-form soon or if we are stuck like this for years. I would prefer to at least know, so I can mentally prepare myself for it." 

"It's a good idea. I can psych myself up for it. Do you want to ask Melody here or wait till we can see Nayoki?"

"I am not sure what logistics are in the way for seeing Nayoki. Also I only sort of remember her anyway." Leareth actually doesn't remember the name at all, he vaguely remembers a mage-Mindhealer leading a research team, and can guess from context that Belrun is referring to her. "Either seems fine but - I do not feel very up for navigating how to get back to the north, if it requires actions from me, it is distressingly hard to make plans right now." 

"Okay. We can ask Melody and probably since your people and the Valdemarans are already talking they have a way to arrange to transport us."

"All right, that makes sense–" And he barely finishes the sentence before, for some inexplicable reason, he's crying again. :I am sorry, I do not understand why I am like this right now - you seem to be coping with it much better...: 

She scoops him into a hug. "I have more practice I guess? And I'm not dealing with a new body at the same time, and also only half of my soul-gluing modifications are busted right now as opposed to a hundred percent of them, and also I'm not frostbitten and whatever else."

"Mmm." Leareth tucks his head under her chin and gives himself exactly sixty seconds, counted out, of crying without trying to stop it, and then wrestles his emotions back under control. 

"Oh. I was going to ask you - normally I pick a new name, when I start in a new body, it helps keep track with records and such. I had been saving 'Leareth', though, it was - significant, it was the name I chose for when I began actually executing the first steps of my plan. But - I suppose we now have greater hopes that it will be a different plan we carry out... I am not sure. I would also understand if you found it too confusing for me to suddenly be named something else." 

"It would be kind of confusing but if you really want a new name I'm not going to stop you."

"I do not actually have one lined up or anything, so it might be simplest to stay with 'Leareth' and find a different way to demarcate the records." 

"'Leareth Two'."

Leareth laughs. "What is that convention they have for kings sometimes, when royal families follow that very confusing policy of naming their firstborn sons after their father... 'Leareth the second', 'Leareth, second of his name'..." He has to stop because he's giggling too hard. 

"The exact conventions differ! I think I've heard both in reference to different dynasties."

"Well, for day to day purposes I can just be Leareth. It will probably be less confusing on net, sticking to the same name; usually I have ended up pursuing something different in each life, when I was in the exploratory phase, or at least not making it known that I was immortal and actually the same person as previously, but this time I am trying to pick up exactly where I left off, so." He finds her hand again, squeezes it. "I know this situation is not ideal for either of us, in many ways, but - I am glad I had you to come back to. I have never had that before." 

"Is it usually worse, the transition - this seems pretty bad!"

"I mean, usually I am not dealing with a broken lifebond! That is definitely part of what is making this bad. But - the disorientation is normal, I think. And usually I am coming back in a rather vulnerable position, as a child or teenager with a Gift not yet at full strength, alone in a strange place. I have to re-derive the schema I used to select my records cache locations, since I cannot rely on having retained enough memories to find them otherwise. So I generally would spend weeks or months wandering around in the wilderness looking, with only sketchy memories of anything. I do not like it very much." 

"I'm not surprised! I'm glad you were able to get here with relatively little incident."

"It was mostly because I could come here, and expect Valdemar or at least Vanyel to be friendly. Which is entirely thanks to you." 

"You had laid some groundwork with Vanyel before I came on the scene," she points out.

"That is true. I do not remember most of our conversations very well, though. I am looking forward to having my notes again and feeling less like I have no idea what is happening." 

"Do notes jog your memory or just substitute entirely?"

"I think it is a mix of both. I usually keep two or three dozen clear memories, and then there is a lot of - blur, and I think my notes will help me make sense of that. But for anything more than a single lifetime ago, the records substitute entirely - except for some very core memories of Urtho that I make a great deal of effort to carry across each time, because that is - where I keep my sense of purpose, I suppose? Of who I am and what I am trying to accomplish in the world, and why–" Goddamnit he's crying again, this is so irritating. 

"How long is a memory - like, a day, or events of varying length, or a minute, or -"

"Events of varying length, usually more than a minute, but definitely not a full day. I remember meeting you, and I remember the dreams we had with Vanyel - and our conversation where I told you of my plan and you were horrified and trying to think of alternate power sources - that might have been more than one conversation? It is a bit fragmented." 

"I'd have to look it up."

"Anyway, I think I retain significantly more - sense of who I am, I suppose - then would naively be the case with so few explicit memories of events. But there is a great deal missing, and then I have to sort of, hmm, to check it against the written records? Make sure I am still a similar shape of person to the past self who wrote them, ensure that my goals and values have not drifted sideways by accident... It is kind of nerve-wracking every time. This is not true of most people, but - I wish to do large-scale things in the world, right, and so I am the sort of person where most random changes to who I am would make me a lot more dangerous." 

"Right." Pat pat. "Also, like, continuity of self is I think valuable to most people."

"Mmm."

This is the point at which there's a tentative knock on the door. "Now an alright time for visitors?" 

Belrun glances at Leareth to confirm, then says, "Yeah?"

Shavri comes in, Vanyel behind her. "Oh, good, you look much better. Can we talk briefly? It'll be mostly just logistics, figuring out what our plans our for the next few days." 

"All right." 

And Vanyel taps politely at her shields. :Belrun, could we talk privately for a little bit, after this?: 

:Sure, once Shavri's gone?:

:That works fine, we can talk in Mindspeech if you don't want to leave the room for it: 

Shavri sits down. "All right, Leareth, I'm guessing you'd prefer to head north fairly soon, is that right?" 

Glance at Belrun. "I think so, yes. I apologize for not being more helpful with arranging that." 

"Don't be," Shavri says gently. "You were barely lucid yesterday. We can help figure out what makes sense, here." 

:Sure:

"I assume the actual diplomats are here now and have a way to talk to the folks up north."

"Yes! They've already passed word north that he's here. It's long-range for a Gate and the mages who did the Gate yesterday are a bit tired still, but you two could Gate out tonight if you wanted. I'm not sure if there's a reason to stick around a bit longer, though?" 

"I'm not aware of one."

Leareth considers it in silence for a few moments. “I think not,” he agrees. “We will still have communications if I am in the north.”

He sits up straighter in bed, squares his shoulders. “Before that, though, I ought to hear a report on how the talks have been going, if you can provide one.”

“Um, sure, we can do that. Anything else?”

Glance at Belrun. “You have a Mindhealer here, yes? We - would appreciate if they could quickly examine what is going on with the lifebond currently.”

Vanyel winces. “Is it, er, not fixed?”

"It's not fixed. I think maybe he's too young right now."

“I am not sure. It did not repair itself instantly, in any case.”

Shavri clears her throat. “Melody can have a look, I’m sure. I’ll find out when she’s next free.”

Leareth nods to her, seriously, which is a familiar gesture for adult Leareth and is very out of place on a small thirteen-year-old sitting in bed wearing a nightgown. “Thank you.”

"There's one up north too if she's not available before it makes sense for us to leave."

“Good to know. I’ll keep you updated. Do you need anything else right now?” 

Leareth shakes his head.

"Thank you, Shavri." :Okay, Van, what is it?:

:I’m not really sure how to say it, but...: He hesitates and then forges ahead. :Does Leareth seem - okay - to you - is he acting like himself? It’s just, it seemed really uncharacteristic for him, to just march right into Valdemar and get our attention, in a way that meant he was exhausted and vulnerable when someone found him. He’s so careful and paranoid normally. So I guess I’m feeling a bit concerned about him:

:I mean, he had fewer resources than normal and a broken lifebond he wasn't used to and he was pretty disoriented:

:Mmm, that does make sense. Do you think whatever’s going on will fix itself, now that he’s back with you and is going to have resources again?:

:Resources and notes, I think. And time:

:Right. Well, er, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help? I - I know what happened isn’t actually my fault, just, if I had Gated you both north sooner then maybe...:

:We are pretty sure a god tried to kill us, I don't think exact timing on your part was a major input:

:Why are the gods so terrible, anyway?: Sigh. :You know, this happening might’ve actually helped the negotiations along. Even Tran agrees that if a god did that, it’s deeply unacceptable and something we ought to fight back against. He’s still against Leareth’s methods, but, well... Some progress:

:I mean, even Leareth doesn't like his methods! They suck! They're objectively bad methods! He just has very few options because the gods themselves are against him and he has really big projects to work on!:

:I get that. I still don’t know what he’s actually planning, right, the diplomatic team thought that telling us was a decision Leareth ought to have input on, which makes sense. But - wherever it is, I really hope we can find a way to work together and do something better instead:

:Me too:

Vanyel hesitates for a moment. :All right, I guess that’s all I had to say, unless you’ve got more questions about anything...?:

:Did I miss anything interesting going on around here? With the diplomats or the jailbreaking or anything:

:Hmm. We had a slew of jailbreaking attempts right after we properly got the news. Ended up being everyone on the Senior Circle - oh, and this was kind of shocking to me, Tran was first! It still hasn’t gone further than that, really. We haven’t been pulling Heralds off circuit to brief them or anything. Rolan has been keeping to himself and hasn’t tried to Choose anyone, but he seems to be - I don’t know, waiting for something? To decide whether he’ll help with the god message part:

:Tran? Really?:

:I know, right? It didn't make sense to me at first! But what I think happened is, hmm - he's a very bright-lines person, right? And I'm aware that this probably isn't the worst thing the gods have done to Leareth or someone else working with him, but - I think it made it real for him, that some god out there did something that crossed a line, when they went after you even though you'd only been dragged into it at all thanks to some other god plot. It took him a bit, wrestling with it, but - I guess he concluded that he's not willing to let that stand, actually, and maybe Leareth has been a pretty bad person at times but the enemies he's fighting are worse? I don't know, that's my best guess at it: 

:He's been yanked around a fair amount himself, I'm glad he now has a framework to not just round that off to the greater good:

:I thought so too. I think he's got a lot of processing to do, right, I've got way more years of being sort of aware I was being yanked around by the gods, and eventually deciding I was allowed to be mad about it. I think Tran just sort of - couldn't notice it, until pretty recently: 

:I wonder if he and his Companion should talk to Amshalan about that:

:Hmm, that might be a good idea, but I wouldn't want to delay your leaving for it - I can ask 'Fandes to pass it on to Delian and see if they're free today?: 

:Sure. Amshalan's giving me some room to reconnect with Leareth anyway so she's probably not busy:

:I'll do that, then: He gets up. "Leareth, I'm sorry you're having such a rough, er, start, and I hope you feel better soon." 

"Hmm?" Leareth has been leaning against Belrun with his eyes closed for the last couple of minutes, apparently oblivious to the private Mindspeech conversation. "Oh. Thank you." 

Pat pat.

Vanyel nods to them both and heads out. 

Leareth blinks and sits up properly. "Were you talking about something in Mindspeech?" 

"Yeah. How are you feeling this morning, anyway, Shavri was in but didn't really focus on you and maybe she figures I'm doing that even though I mostly don't see patients," mutters Belrun, blinking at Leareth with Healing-Sight now that it's occurred to her.

"Fine–" He stops, takes a moment to actually consider it. "I am not feeling ill but I do feel very tired. Oh - I suppose I do have a sore throat, I had not really noticed, I thought it was just - being very sad..."

(Belrun's Healing-Sight mainly shows signs of recent malnourishment and overexertion, and some lingering backlash from pushing his barely-awakened mage-gift too hard the day before; his body's resources are very depleted. He's managed to dodge actual frostbite, at least. He's definitely fighting off a cold.) 

"- no, you're actually in kind of bad shape. Also you need to eat better, whoever this was wasn't getting enough. I wonder when breakfast shows up around here but I can get some work done on you anyway -" She does this.

"His name was Essi," Leareth says quietly. "He - ran away from an abusive home, I think. Living with a relative who thought mages were trouble and maybe possessed; it seemed there was considerable superstition against mages in the region. That is - why he was alone and trying to cast a fire spell..." Sniffle. "I am so irritated about dying again and having to - do this, it had seemed possible that it could be the last time..." 

Squeeze. "Well, there goes my idea of sending his folks a care package, I guess. - wonder what Dara's up to these days. Uh, the Groveborn's Chosen he accidentally repudiated some weeks back. You'd been going to send her scholarship money since it was sort of my fault making her think too hard about gods but we have had other things on our minds obviously."

"Of course," Leareth says quietly. 

Breakfast arrives shortly later with a different day shift Healer, who does take the time to examine Leareth with her Sight, remarks on the same things Belrun did, does a tiny bit of Healing, and declares that he needs rest and plenty of food and fluids. She smiles at Belrun and asks a trainee to bring breakfast for her too. It doesn't seem like either of them have any context on who Leareth is. 

Leareth drinks all the water that he's handed, but picks at his food without enthusiasm. 

"You're going to finish that before lunchtime, right?"

He gives her a glum look. "I can try. I am not very hungry." 

"You're malnourished. I've been having a hard time eating too but I finished what my mom put in front of me."

"It was very annoying to try to eat enough when I was a runaway in the poorest part of Hardorn." Leareth puts in a bit more effort, though, and finishes his plate over the next twenty minutes. He should probably be asking Belrun to help him review things he's forgotten, or catching up on events in Valdemar, but it's enough of a challenge keeping his eyes open. 

She pets his hair and does not do anything to dissuade him from sleeping.

In which case he's going to be fast asleep when there's a gentle knock on her shields, just before lunch. :It's Melody. I was told you wanted to see me?:

:Yeah, we wanted to know what our lifebond is doing since it's not 'being okay again instantly'. He's napping but I can wake him up? Or just, you know, inform you that he was interested in learning this information when he was awake:

:Up to you. I can accept you consenting on his behalf and it sounds like he needs his rest, but if he needs to be awake for something else anyway... I'll be there in a moment: 

She opens the door very quietly when she arrives. 

:I don't think he needs to be awake right now:

Then Melody will sit down beside the bed and have a look without waking him. 

:...Goodness: she sends, a while later. :That is one confused lifebond you have there: 

:Confused?:

:Sorry, that's not the clearest description. But this is a pretty weird situation, where lifebonds are concerned! Normally a lifebond will properly snap into place when there's mutual sexual attraction, although I've read it's sometimes possible to notice the beginnings of a lifebond earlier than that - say, if one or both of the people involved are way too young. If you were both, er, lifebond-compatible but hadn't previously been bonded, I think there wouldn't be anything yet. However. You both have holes in you, so there's a lot more - metaphorically looking for the missing piece, I guess? I don't know exactly what's going to happen from here, but my best guess is that if you spend a lot of time together, you're going to end up with a sort of partial lifebond. Until he's, um, actually past puberty, I would think: 

:I guess in a lot of ways that's better than if it didn't wait:

Melody makes a face. :This must be pretty strange for you. It's - gods, it's very surreal, it really doesn't feel like 'Leareth' and 'tiny and adorable' ought to combine like that:

Among the many drawbacks of stealing children's bodies, yes. :It's pretty strange for me, yes:

:Also his mind is a mess in other ways, but I'm guessing he knows what to do about that, and I think there's a Mindhealer up north too?:

:There is, yes. Could you give me a general idea now though -:

:It's - gods, this is very hard to explain. I could show you my Sight, if you know how to do sense-sharing with Mindspeech?: 

:I haven't learned how before:

:Hmm, I'm going to try sort of pushing it at you - this doesn't work with entirely un-Gifted people but might do fine if it's just that you haven't done it before, and it's not like you need more than a second or two to get the overall gist. Ready?: 

:Yeah:

And she'll get a burst of Melody's Sight, similar to Healing-Sight in some ways but extremely different in others. Whatever she's Seeing is a lot more metaphorical than Leareth's actual brain - the impression is of something like a tapestry, splayed out in a way that wouldn't quite work in ordinary space.

It is very obviously a tapestry that has some problems.

One of them is the ragged hole in the middle. It's not hard to guess what that represents. There are loose tendrils of thread sort of floating out from it, searching for something... 

The rest is also pretty weird! It kind of looks like a previous tapestry was recently shredded (this is sort of exactly what happened), and has been patchily replaced with - something even stranger, a sort of rectangular-grid scaffolding not exactly made of thread, with the beginnings of a new pattern being laid down and woven into place on it. The most complete section of it wraps around the hole. It's a pattern of stars against a dark sky.

Everything except that is very unfinished and messy and jury-rigged, with bits of shredded Essi scattered around the edges. 

Belrun shivers a little and nods.

Melody drops the deeper connection. If she's disturbed by it, she isn't showing it. :I'm guessing the other weirdness is a result of his, er, method of dying and coming back, and that he's got ways of dealing with it, but it's very much not dealt with yet and I'm assuming that's having consequences on how well he can function right now: 

:Yeah. His notes are up north, I think that'll help:

:I hope so. ...Do you want a peek at yours? I'm not sure if that'd be helpful at all, it might be the opposite: 

:...I admit I'm curious:

Then Melody can show her that too. 

Belrun's mind is a very tidy tapestry, with a coherent aesthetic theme and neat stitching. It also has a gaping hole in the centre, complete with loose bits searching haplessly for the missing half; the edges are less messy, though, overall the pattern is holding together decently well. Her bond with Amshalan is sort of visible off to one side, as something like an added section, trying hard to match the colour scheme for the rest and not quite making it. 

:Overall: Melody sends, :you're in shockingly good shape, given the givens: 

:I guess so. Huh, I wonder if Amshalan'll integrate more when it's been more than a month and a half. The lifebond probably clashed even worse:

:I suspect so. Companion-bonds tend to stay looking more, well, separate than lifebonds do, but I think it'll work its way in somewhat more over a few years: 

:Well, thanks for showing me:

:You're welcome. Any questions before I go?: 

:I don't think so:

Melody bobs her head and slips out. 

A Healing-trainee brings lunch around a candlemark later. (Leareth is still asleep). 

Belrun eats hers, then nudges him a bit.

Leareth makes a frustrated sleepy sound and tries to roll away from her, and then startles fully awake, goes through about five seconds of frantically checking his surroundings with mage-sight and Thoughtsensing, but recognizes her faster this time and relaxes. "...Still in Haven, right?" 

"Right. Melody came in while you were napping - you've been asleep since breakfast and it's lunch now - and showed me what the lifebonds are up to, which is, uh, being holes with threads of whatever it is the threads are a metaphor for waving around in the hole trying to grab each other. Also you're in a bad way but you'll be better with your notes, I expect." She pushes lunch at him.

He starts eating without additional coaxing, switches to Mindspeech while his mouth is full. :I am sure my mind looks extremely horrifying. I know I can manage that part fine, I have done it dozens of times. For the lifebond - is that good? What did she think would happen after this point?: 

:She pretty much agrees with me that it's just you being too young at the moment -: She wrote it down and can read it to him while he eats.

:I suppose it would probably help with the hole to have a partial lifebond and it would be less weird and uncomfortable than having a full one: He sets down his fork. "I really cannot eat any more right now." 

"I'm pretty sure they're calibrating the serving sizes for how much you need, but if you want to try again in half a candlemark that should be okay."

"Mmm, all right." He puts the plate on the bedside table and flops back. Turns his head to look at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm just kind of telling myself what I've been telling myself for weeks. It hurts but the hurt is lying. Like - like a phantom limb, except in this case it's just that my shoulder hasn't wised up to the fact that actually my arm is right there in, uh, acceptable health, and thinks I have for some reason stuck it in a pot of boiling water."

"That is certainly a vivid metaphor." He stretches out his hand toward hers. "I am sorry. I mean in the sense that I wish it had not happened, not that I think it was my fault; I think we were a reasonable amount of careful, I could have reduced the danger to myself by staying behind but that would only have made it more dangerous for you. But - I do not approve of things that hurt you. I particularly do not approve of gods who hurt you!" 

She squeezes his hand. "Two of your least favorite things, combined, yep. It was really blatant, and nearish Iftel, but wyrsa are actually a Pelagirs thing, it might have been two of them collaborating."

"I do not like that idea." He frowns. "Though - it is odd, that it seems to perhaps have backfired?" 

"I did actually think about that - I think maybe Amshalan was hard to see coming? Like, of things one might predict in the ordinary fashion, 'Belrun lets a Companion Choose her' has to be pretty slim odds. And it had only been a couple of days since that, so the plan may have already been set up when I did it."

"It is not always very productive to try to guess the motives of gods, but - how contingent do you think it was? Did it depend, for example, on Amshalan's specific traits?" Leareth sits up again, slightly more animated. "Because that gives the impression of a different god's intervention. And that god might have had extra information, here." 

"I guess it depended on her specific traits? Not very much - I didn't specify 'you and only you may Choose me if that's a thing you can do now', I said 'if somebody's waiting for me now would be a good time' or something like that - but I did say that having talked to Amshalan in particular in the time leading up to that moment and gotten kind of used to her and less squirrely about Companions as a concept through her."

Nod. "She seems to be an unusually good match for you in particular, as Companions go, no?"  

"Yes. I think that's normal, for them to be sorted for compatibility. Uh, the thing that stands out to me as unusual was that she was so recently reincarnated - Vanyel knew her last Chosen before he died, and also she'd had him stolen out from under her - uh, on top of her, I guess? - by Taver, and had some practice beating her head against the mind control from that, which made things go more smoothly after the Choosing."

"Oh. Interesting. I assume that is nonstandard for Companions?" He makes a face. "I do not actually remember, this is so inconvenient." 

"You didn't actually meet Amshalan, you like, heard about her secondhand and saw her for a few seconds, so no big loss there, you can just meet her when you're ready to get out of bed. But yeah, they usually have bigger gaps between incarnations, I think, and of course most don't even have an opportunity - so to speak - to have their Herald stolen."

Leareth nods. "I think I could get out of bed now, if it were helpful to meet her, but I suppose I will meet her anyway if we are going to Gate out tonight." 

"Yeah. No rush. Uh, right before I left Haven last time I'd talked to Rolan, the current Groveborn, about maybe talking to his boss - so to speak - and apparently he's still dithering about that."

Leareth looks a bit alarmed. "I would prefer not to be anywhere close to the Groveborn, I think. Probably he will not be suddenly possessed by a god to murder me again, but I am less certain of that than I would like!" 

"That's - understandable but I think whoever's running the show with Companions is not inclined that way. Still, if it's necessary for you to speak to him you can do it from inside this Companion-hostile architecture over Mindspeech."

"All right. ...Do you expect it to be necessary or useful for me to speak to him directly?" 

"No, not at all, it just occurred to me to catch you up about it."

"Mmm." He sits up. "I could eat a little more now, I think." 

She hands him the plate with the rest of his lunch.

He's just finishing it when there's a polite knock on the door. "Would now be a good time to quickly go over our side of what we've discussed with your diplomats?" 

"Now is all right for me." Leareth looks at Belrun. 

"Mm-hm, come in, how is it going?"

"Good, good. We're all very, er - there are slightly complicated feelings here, as you might imagine, but we're mostly very relieved Leareth is back and you're with him." 

Tantras follows Savil in, carrying an extra chair. 

"Hello, Tantras."

"Belrun." He nods to her; his expression is neutral, but a different flavour of it than before, in some hard-to-parse way. "Leareth." 

Leareth sits up straighter. :Belrun, is he the one who was hostile before?: He has some vague floating half-memory but it's blurred. 

:Yes, but he was reportedly upset about the circumstances of your death and jailbroke his Companion, and even before that he apologized:

:Do you think it is - I am sorry, just, I am trying to figure out what is and is not safe and I am very disoriented so it is difficult:

:I think we're safe here and if that changes I will be doing something about it and not sitting here calmly:

He nods, seems somewhat reassured, and goes back to looking attentively at the visitors. 

Tran folds his hands in his lap. "First, I think we owe you - well, Belrun mainly - an apology for her initial poor reception. And I suppose both of you an apology for, er, reacting in a way that made it necessary. We...didn't realize what we were working with, here. Honestly it's pretty terrifying, that we apparently live in a world where gods will send wyrsa after you and your lifebonded partner if they don't like you," he shivers, "but, well, it sure does look like that's the situation here." He looks down. "I don't agree with your methods and I probably never will, but - you make a lot more sense to me, as a person, knowing what kind of thing you've been up against. Suppose you'd been trying to tell Vanyel this whole time, but..."

"But Heralds by default can't think clearly about the whole topic," Savil finishes. 

"I hear that's been improving."

"We've done everyone on the Senior Circle, hmm, actually I think everyone in Haven at this point! Yfandes is pretty good at poking people through it." 

"I am glad to hear it," Leareth says, quietly and seriously. He does not reach out and hold hands with Belrun even though he wants to; it's hard enough to look competent and adult when you are, by all appearances, thirteen. 

"Yeah, congratulations."

Savil and Tantras can cover the rest fairly efficiently. They haven't made a ton of progress with the diplomatic team in terms of specifics, due to their not being able to get clarification or authorization from Leareth on anything. They've done a lot of getting to know each other, and also, following Valdemar's lead, talked somewhat about the gods' questionable behaviour and additional examples of it that were known to Leareth's organization. 

It's a good thing they're doing it quickly, because Leareth is hiding it well but it's noticeable that he's getting tired again. 

"Okay, so it sounds like major steps forward need to wait on us getting north again for Leareth to catch up on his own records, ideally, uh, without divine ambush this time."

"Sounds right. You should be Gating direct to the north this time, right?"

"I believe so." He is trying so hard not to yawn. 

"Yeah. Uh, is that all for now?"

Tantras exchanges a look with Savil. "I think so." He stands up. "We should be able to exchange messages faster, going forward, so we can cover anything else later." 

Savil smiles at Belrun, and they head out.

"Go ahead and sleep," she murmurs to Leareth.

"Can you..." Leareth swallows. He's been trying to keep himself distracted but it still hurts, a lot, all his thoughts are trying to bend around the void where a lifebond should be and isn't - he was running on adrenaline before, promising himself it was temporary, and having Belrun there should fix it but it's not. Although he wonders it maybe he's starting to be able to feel her, in a way that he doesn't think is just via Thoughtsensing, which he isn't using.

He tries again. "It - I feel very sad again and - I know it is a lie, the phantom limb metaphor is helpful, but - could you hold me? I think maybe it will help." 

"Yeah, of course." She wraps her arms around him.

He rests his head on her shoulder, closes his eyes. :I am very much looking forward to the part where my brain stops yelling at me constantly that everything is very terrible. I am not used to having this problem: 

:It's a very stupid problem and I hate it too:

:I would be tempted to ask Vanyel for advice, except for the part where that feels tactless in the extreme...: Leareth's mindvoice trails off into a sleepy murmur. 

:It does, doesn't it: She pets his hair away from his face.

:Poor Vanyel...I wish...we could fix it...: And then he's too drowsy to Mindspeak words, and shortly after that is asleep. 

She snuggles him till he seems asleep enough and then extricates herself carefully so she doesn't get bored unable to write or read.

A few minutes later, footsteps come right up to outside the door and then stop. A few seconds later there's a very tentative knock on her shields. :Belrun?:

:...Dara?:

:Can I, er, come in and talk to you for a bit?: 

:Quietly, Leareth's napping, but I don't mind:

:Oh. Of course: She opens the door very, very quietly and tiptoes in. Stops at the foot of the bed. :...Oh my goodness is that Leareth he's so - small...: 

:Yeah, he's physically younger than you now. I didn't actually know till I got here he'd be so small:

Dara sits down in the chair on the opposite side of the bed from Belrun. :Is it weird of me to say that he's really adorable?: 

:You wouldn't be the first:

Dara gives her a sympathetic look. :I'd be getting really sick of that in your place, so - I'm sorry to be one of the people making it worse, I won't bring it up again: 

:Thanks. What's up? I'm surprised to see you here:

:Well, I went home to my ma and I thought she’d be happier in Haven so I convinced her to move. She’s - not quite all there, but she can clean, there’s work for her here. I was thinking I’d take you up on the scholarship Leareth promised, maybe go study in Rethwellan, but...:

She looks down at her clasped hands. :But whatever just happened to you and Leareth is a really big deal. And - I think I want to help, if I can. If you’ll have me: Brief flicker of a smile. :I know I’m young, but I’m good at lots of things, I’m sure I could find somewhere to be useful:

:I bet he'd be happy to hire you, though I don't know what he has open right now and he might not either because it takes him a while to get recombobulated:

:Mmm. That must be really stressful for him!:

:It is, yeah, on top of having to travel alone for a week with a broken lifebond before he got Heralds to pick him up and grab me for him and now it's still broken till he's older, so, like, don't assume whatever he does in the next month to threeish years is him at his best:

:Gods! I’m so sorry - I didn’t realize... That’s awful. Three-ish years! Is that how long you think it’ll be until he’s old enough to get lifebonded again properly?:

:It's probably the upper bound, we don't know exactly:

:Well, I hope for both your sake that it ends up being less than that. Anyway. I’ m guessing there isn’t, but - if there’s anything I can do to help right now, let me know?: She scrunches up her face. :I’m not really at my best right now either. Being repudiated wasn’t as bad as I thought based on how horrified everyone is about it, but it’s still not great:

:I bet, yeah. Uh, how much do you know about what happened after you left?:

:Um, when I got back to Haven - that was only a couple weeks ago, I spent a while being useless at my ma's place and then helping her clean nobles' houses because at least it was distracting - anyway, Savil said there was a diplomatic team here from Leareth but that you'd left. I had a suspicion there was more. Then yesterday there was a commotion and I figured it was related, so I went and found Yfandes and asked her, and after a bit of convincing she was willing to just tell me. You and Leareth almost got murdered? Well, I guess Leareth did get murdered: A worried look at his sleeping form. :And you thought a god did it. That's honestly extremely terrifying! Although if it was the Star-Eyed Goddess I can't say I'm surprised, She seems very dubious: 

:I think it might have been a team-up with Vkandis based on the location. Uh, also I have a Companion now:

:What?: Dara stares at her. :Er, all right, I think I'm missing a lot here actually, maybe I should've asked Yfandes for more of the background. You seem like the last person who'd want a Companion! Even leaving aside the, um, problem, with Rolan, that I had...: 

:So, yeah, I didn't want one, but - nobody was listening to me, they were all really freaked out about how, uh, listening to me had gotten you repudiated? And I was afraid if they didn't listen to me there'd be a war so I talked to Amshalan about it and she Chose me and it turns out Companions who are not Groveborn can stop having that problem by actually not having it instead of the way Rolan handled it:

:Whoa! That...explains a lot, actually. How you managed to get the negotiations to work at all, it'd seemed so stuck and that wasn't all Rolan's fault: 

:Yeah, it worked pretty well. And Amshalan is great and I was not exactly working with a zero mind control starting point at the time and also she got me away when the wyrsa murdered Leareth:

:That part is definitely really good!: Dara winces. :It would've been so awful if you'd died too, he would've come back - like this - and without you even there to find...: Shudder. 

:Yeah, I'm not immortal yet, it's complicated:

A crooked smile. :Is he working on that for you?: 

:Not at this moment. It was on the to-do list before but it is actually very complicated:

Nod. :I guess that makes sense that it would be. Good luck, I guess: 

:Thank you:

Dara fidgets for a minute before standing up. :All right, I guess I can - send you a message via the diplomats, at some point, to check in if Leareth is hiring people in the future? I guess if he's not sure right now then maybe I should go to Rethwellan and learn something useful. I'm honestly really bored right now: 

:That makes sense to me. Do you want a letter of recommendation to the school I went to when I was your age?:

:Sure! That would be very kind of you. Could you leave it with Savil? I ought to head back and fix some supper for my ma:

:Sure, I can do that:

And Dara smiles brightly at her and heads out.

Belrun writes the recommendation letter.

Leareth remains asleep, looking very small in the bed. At one point he whimpers and stirs, and Belrun catches what is maybe a faint flicker of distress from him, though it's hard to tell for sure if it's coming via the former-lifebond. 

...huh. She notes that down, tries not looking right at him.

It seems to still be there, though very distant and sort of fading in and out. 

–and then Leareth startles awake and jerks into a sitting position, involuntarily making the bed shake a little and the curtains rustle. 

"- are you okay?"

It takes a while for his eyes to focus on her. "...Are we still in Haven?" 

"Yes. Were you having a nightmare?"

"I think so. There were - wyrsa..." He shakes his head, hugs himself a little. "I suspect that I always have nightmares about how I died most recently, for a time, even though it is not helpful at all." 

"Nightmares usually aren't, I don't think anybody knows why they happen." Hug. "I think there was a twinge of it through the lifebond, which is encouraging."

"Oh. That does seem good." He leans into the hug without speaking for a minute or two. "Did you keep notes on the conversation with the Heralds?" he says finally. "I did not and - I think my memory is not working well, right now, I do not like it." 

"Yeah, I took notes, here -" She can show them, they're not processing-intensive. "Dara came by while you were asleep - Rolan's former human - she isn't in a rush about it but when you're feeling a little better she might want to work for you."

"Oh. Interesting. You liked her, right? But she is also very young?" 

"Right. She's fourteen."

“You know, I am certain I have some system for hiring people but I do not have the faintest idea what it is currently. Fortunately I am sure it will be written down.”

"Yeah, I told her it might be a while, she might go take in some Rethwellani education first, I wrote her a recommendation letter."

“Thank you.” He tugs away from her, stretches. “How long was I asleep this time? Also, am I allowed to get out of bed?”

"We haven't been brought dinner yet. I don't have instructions from the locals on you getting out of bed but I think it'll be okay, though I should walk with you in case."

“All right. I am not sure why I am sleeping so much, this is rather ridiculous.” He swings his legs toward the side of the bed.

She helps him up. "You're getting Healed a lot after an exhausting trip where you didn't sleep well."

"I am sure I have been under those circumstances before and it still seems odd to sleep for an entire day. Though I suppose I have relatively little context on how anything works, right now, most of my memories are all smeared together. Do children need more sleep? That might be it."

He starts to stand up, and sits back down abruptly. "Should I stop?" he says, quite calmly. "I feel very dizzy." 

"Uh - I don't know, I'm not a - I'll go get somebody." She pats his shoulder, steps out to see who's handy.

"Something wrong?" 

"He's been sleeping nearly all day. I got him to eat all the breakfast and lunch that was served to him but he tried to get up just now and came over all dizzy. I'm a good enough Healer not to accidentally kill people but I don't have much clinical experience, I'm a microbiologist, so I thought I'd ask if that seemed normal to you."

"It seems unsurprising to me but I'd better come have a look, can't tell from that description whether it's worrying or not." She follows Belrun. 

Leareth is still sitting on the side of the bed, swinging his legs, which don't quite reach the floor. "It has mostly passed now," he says when he sees them.

"Mmm." Gemma examines him for a moment. "Reckon you just tried to stand up too fast after lying down all day, that'll do it. I think you're fine to walk around, but," glance at Belrun, "maybe stay in arms' reach just in case? You put your body through a lot recently." 

Leareth nods. "Thank you." He tries standing up again. It seems all right this time. Maybe they can walk a bit up and down the hall, he's vaguely restless. 

She goes with him up and down the hall, in arms' reach but prepared to yoink him with Fetching rather than risk being pulled over herself if he stumbles.

He manages fine, though after two laps he’s suddenly very tired and more than ready to head back to bed.

One of the mages who Gated Belrun over earlier arrives about two minutes after their supper does. “We would be ready to Gate over anytime. ...Would it be better to wait?”

Leareth glances at his mostly-uneaten food and then at Belrun.

"Maybe till after he's finished dinner."

Leareth nods and finishes eating, making an effort to go a bit faster. 

"We should Gate from outside," the mage says. "So your Companion can come, Belrun. It's not that warm out, does Leareth have anything to bundle up in?" 

"All of the clothes I had were in terrible condition," Leareth admits. "I could wrap up in a blanket?" 

:Gemma, can we steal one of these blankets? Leareth's short on wardrobe and we want to Gate outside to have room for Amshalan:

:–Yes, of course. You're headed out now?: 

Yup. She picks something warm-looking off the bed and drapes it around Leareth. "Gemma says we can take one."

Leareth wraps it more tightly around himself, holding it in place with one hand, and reaches to take Belrun's hand, he's not totally steady on his feet but with her help he can shuffle toward the doorway.

...Oh, he should bring the notes he's been keeping. He isn't sure where they are right now. 

She scoops them up with her own, Fetching them rather than let go of his hand.