Asher scoops him up and kisses his forehead. 

"You look great."

!!!!! 

"And you always look great." 

"So do you. --We'll walk to the party?"

"You're so good. And yeah, good plan." 

Asher makes sure Sasha's arms are securely around his neck and starts to move, vampire-fast. 

It's so good how Asher can just pick him up and carry him places. 

After what can't be very far, it only took a couple of minutes, or maybe it was more time than it felt like, Asher sets him down at the door and Sasha smiles and does his best to look like he isn't nervous at all. 

Asher kisses him. "You look scared."

"I'm not scared, I just — don't want them to think I'm a stupid kid." 

"They're going to think you're great, because you are great. You don't have anything to worry about."

Asher's so good. 

"Thanks," and he's a little less nervous but not all the way there. 

"Hey."

Asher lifts up his chin with one hand and looks into his eyes and says in an odd voice, "Relax. You don't have anything to worry about. You're going to have a great time."

....ah. 

"Yeah," and his voice is dreamy now, "yeah, you're right. Let's go in?" 

"Of course, my love."

Inside it's dark; music is playing, pulse-pounding techno where one song blends easily and indistinguishably into the next. There's a bar near the front. About a quarter of the people are unearthily pretty like Asher; the rest are still mostly very beautiful, as far as he can tell; everyone at the party is a man. Sasha sees three or four couples where someone has their mouth on someone else's neck, one where someone is kneeling and kissing someone else's thigh.

Asher sits down not far from the bar next to two or three unearthily pretty people, pulls Sasha onto his lap, greets the unearthily pretty people. He seems to know all of them.

Sasha smiles at them and cuddles up to Asher and doesn't worry about what he's supposed to say. Why would he be worried? 

Sasha might catch a snippet of someone saying "--your boyfriend's a little out of it--" and then laughter.

Someone brings Sasha a drink; it smells like coconut and pineapple and has a cherry on it.

It smells good, and Asher would keep him safe, and there's nothing to worry about. Sasha drinks it and curls up further in Asher's lap. 

It tastes a little bitter.

Asher kisses him and says, "do you want to dance?"

"I want to try, anyway!" 

Asher's lap is so nice but he lets Asher guide him to the open floor. 

Can you do ballet to techno with a partner who doesn't know how? 

Asher is going to make a good faith effort, anyway. 

And Sasha doesn't know what he's doing but he does his best to follow — it feels so good, to follow where Asher leads — 

Asher brings him close and says, "see anybody you like?"

"Everyone's so pretty — the one with the long blue hair and the sparkly eyeliner?" 

He laughs. "I have pretty friends. But you're the prettiest."

"You do have pretty friends." 

Asher looks into his eyes and says, "You're so turned on. Kiss as many people as you think are hot. You want to feel them inside you. You want to feel their mouths on you."

Oh fuck — Asher's right, he can feel his pulse in his clit — he reaches out and pulls Asher closer to him and kisses him — 

Asher puts his thigh between Sasha's legs and reaches up under his shirt, touches him above his binder.

Sasha shivers and melts into his hands, presses into his chest. 

"Go kiss the guy with blue hair," Asher says, in the odd tone of voice. 

"Okay," and he pulls away and goes and finds the guy with blue hair — he really is so beautiful — and smiles a little shyly at him. 

The guy with the blue hair pins him up against the wall and kisses him. 

Oh fuck he's so good at kissing — Sasha wants him to fuck him, wants to get down on his knees for him, wants to be pinned up against the wall and — he presses up into the guy's chest, more than a little bit desperate — 

The blue-haired guy reaches his hand up Sasha's shirt, sees his binder. "You should take this off," he says, "you can't dance in that, you can't breathe."

He hates how he looks with breasts, though — 

Before he really realizes what he's doing his hands are already moving — and it is so much easier to breathe with it off — 

Blue-haired guy starts touching his chest with one hand, kisses down his neck and jawline with the other. 

Sasha puts a hand on the back of his head and leans into him and moans. 

Blue-haired guy bites his neck and then starts to suck. One of his hands cups Sasha's breast.

He, he always forgets how much better it is to have someone else touch his breasts, how good it feels to be bitten —

Blue-haired guy is only taking a little snack today-- he's full from earlier but this boy is so precious that he just had to taste--

It's over much, much too quickly, and he's left gasping and arching his back and — not begging for more, he doesn't want to look desperate, but — 

Blue-haired guy pulls off Sasha's shirt, drops it on the floor, takes the little tiniest nibble out of one of his breasts.

And Sasha moans and his back arches and he comes, completely untouched. 

Blue-haired guy keeps sucking through his orgasm and after-- he's full, he's taking the tiniest little sips, but a human who can come untouched from being eaten is one blue-haired guy appreciates--

Fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck it's so good it's so much he's shaking and clinging and whimpering and 

And blue-haired guy gives him one last suck and then disappears into the crowd.

He stays there, leaned against the wall, trying and mostly failing to catch his breath again. 

Before he has much of a chance to think there's another mouth on his lips and another set of hands exploring his body.

It's — not soaring flying bliss, but it's good. 

There's a slight twinge of pain from his shoulder and then it's-- it feels like electricity in his skin, like the best things people say about heroin, like when Asher fucks him and he comes and comes and comes and it feels so much better than anything he could do for himself--

fu💙💜💙💙💛💛💜💙💙uuwhkfneu💜💛💙💙💜💙uck 

There's a hand fumbling at his pants and he feels the warmth of air against his skin and someone is rubbing circles around his clit and all the time the mouth continues at his shoulder--

He thinks he might be crying he can't think he doesn't want to think it's so good

The person stops sucking biting his shoulder, kisses his shoulder, and disappears.

He stays slumped against the wall for a moment, two, while he remembers how to breathe, and then walks (stumbling, a little, there must have been more alcohol in that drink than he'd thought — or maybe he's just a lightweight, that would make sense, he's small and has never really had alcohol before —) back to where Asher is and curls up in his lap again. 

"Have fun?" Asher says, petting his hair.

"Yeah," he says, and shifts against Asher's chest (it's such a nice chest. Asher is so good.) and makes a soft little happy sound into Asher's shoulder. 

"You had a lot to drink," he suggests, twirling Sasha's hair around his fingers.

Oh. He only remembers the one drink but maybe he had more — or maybe there was more in it than he thought — 

"And I'm kind of a lightweight," he agrees. 

Asher doesn't like lying to Sasha. But he doesn't know what Sasha will end up deciding happened if he doesn't and-- he wants Sasha to be happy, he wants Sasha not to be worried, Sasha would be so scared if he thought that his drink was drugged or he took something illegal. He just wants to nudge things onto a path where Sasha is happy and not frightened and had a good time.

In a few years he'll turn Sasha and then Sasha will remember everything clearly and they'll laugh about it. 

"Yeah, you had a couple of drinks, remember," he says. (He's not looking into Sasha's eyes.) "You're definitely drunk. Don't worry, you can have fun with the guys here, I'll make sure you're safe."

"You're so good." Sasha's very cuddly. Asher is very warm. "'M glad I have you." 

"You lost your shirt and your pants somewhere." Asher runs a hand along his stomach, his hipbone. 

Another quiet happy noise. "Yeah. Guess I'm just kinda slutty." 

Asher starts idly playing with Sasha's clit through his underwear, presses his lips against the back of Sasha's neck. 

"My hot slutty boyfriend."

"Yours, though —" a gasp, and he lets his head fall forward — "always yours —" 

"That's right," he says, "my Sasha-- my Sasha forever--"

"Your Sasha forever. And my Asher forever." Asher is wearing a shirt. Why is he doing that? He should stop. Sasha's hands are a little clumsy because he's had so much to drink, but he's doing his best. 

Asher helps take off his shirt!

"I love you so much."

"Love you too." Asher is so solid and good. "Love love love." Sasha should kiss him. 

Sasha should kiss him! And then maybe Sasha should slip down to the floor between his legs.

Yes. Yes he should. What a good decision. He makes such good decisions. 

He kisses Asher's stomach and then reaches up to open his pants. 

Asher's dick is familiar and hard and cold warm, so warm, because of course his boyfriend's dick is warm, why wouldn't it be warm. Maybe he's a little overheated.

It's a really good dick. Sasha nuzzles it for a couple of seconds and then goes down as far as his throat will let him — it isn't very far but he's been getting better at this, he knows he has — the weight of Asher's dick on his tongue is familiar and good. 

Sasha hears a voice say "that's not nice, share your pet human."

Asher's voice says, "knock it off, he's mine, get your own, there are enough blood dolls here."

He isn't sure why it's a bad thing for Asher not to share his boyfriend but he pulls off just long enough to say "I can suck you off too," before sinking back down. 

Asher pulls Sasha up into his lap.

"How drunk do you want to get tonight?"

He tries to think about it. 

"....feels so good," are the words that come out of his mouth. 

"Okay," he says, "I love you." And he looks into Sasha's eyes and says in the odd tone of voice, "you're so horny right now. You want to fuck everyone here. They're so beautiful. You know that nothing bad is going to happen to you if you do. You just want to relax and feel how good it feels. It's so easy to come and every time you come you want to have sex more and more. You're so wet. You don't have to worry about anything. You're not going to get tired no matter how late it gets, you're not going to get sore however much you're fucked, it's going to feel so good. You're going to stop feeling like this at 5am."

And he can feel his clit throbbing, can feel how wet he is, he's probably soaking through his underwear — he should take them off — it's sort of hard to do, his hands are clumsy because of how much he's had to drink and he keeps trying to press his thighs together and trying to take his underwear off at the same time and then getting distracted by how it feels when he bites his lip and then wishing he had someone else biting him, it's so much better when it's someone else — some part of him is aching to be full, he's felt that way before with Asher but never quite this strong — 

There's a cock in his mouth and no one biting him, it's well-formed and cold warm and it tastes so good and he can hear the person gasping and feel how cold his knees are against the floor and they start to fuck his mouth, little tiny thrusts--

His mouth is so full and his cunt still aches he still wants needs hands on his clit he's still so desperate for teeth in his neck sucking taking something, desperate to be full to be fucked, and he puts his hands on the man's hips and moans around his gorgeous cock and it's not enough — 

He's pressed up against the wall and someone's dick is inside him and-- he doesn't remember getting a condom he doesn't remember taking his underwear off he doesn't remember who this person is-- they're kissing him they're stretching him out he's so full every time they move he feels so

Asher's taking care of him and nothing bad is going to happen and the things he might worry about are so far away and this cock is right here inside him and he's so full, it's so good, he's still so desperate for bleeding hurting teeth in his neck in his shoulder in his thigh something, he doesn't know what, and then his thighs tense and his eyes roll back as he comes and then it's even better —  

And then the person bites down hard and it doesn't even hurt at all, it feels like he's coming but it goes on and on and on and on--

It's so good it's so much its everything he was wanting and more he's so it's so he can't think around it why would he want to he's 

There's someone's mouth on his shoulder and someone else's mouth on his thigh and his cunt is empty but it's hard to notice or to care because they keep biting sucking kissing him and it feels even better than it did before, it feels like he's flying like every one of his cells is on fire with pleasure like he's touching the face of God--

ah 

yes please that yes I 

love 

love love love 

Nobody's touching him nobody's kissing him nobody's biting him he's so empty he doesn't know where Asher is he can feel things dripping down his legs, his own wetness and other people's come and blood--

he curls up on the floor — everything is spinning too much to try to move — and waits for Asher for someone and whimpers and tries not to cry but he can't think, can't think beyond how empty he is how desperate how 

There's the sound of someone's pants unzipping and he's moved like he's a doll so that he's kneeling and someone pushes into his mouth, moves his head back and forth so all he has to do is relax and let it happen and-- 

He sucks so enthusiastically, he's still not full still not bleeding soaring but it's so much better now and 

There's a mouth on his clit and they're sucking and being eaten out has never felt like this before, even with Asher, he's coming and coming and coming and coming and--

And his hand finds the back of their head and his fingers curl in their hair and moans spill out of his throat and 

He's empty and desperate and curled up on the floor and the room is spinning and people are talking near him but his ears aren't working to understand words, he needs Asher he needs to come he needs hands touching him he needs a cock inside him he needs mouths biting and sucking and--

he needs he needs he needs 

he curls in on himself and, and a hand between his legs isn't enough but it's what he can get, he needs Asher he needs someone, he tries to stay quiet but he's crying there on the floor, and 

Strong arms pick him up and move him to a couch and spread him out so he's accessible.

He lets himself be moved, tries to press closer into whoever is carrying him — he needs — 

"Shhh, you're all right, I got you," says Asher's voice, and his head is in Asher's lap and Asher's hands are in his hair.

"Please," he whispers, and "Asher —" 

There's a dick inside his cunt and a mouth on his shoulder and Asher just keeps stroking his hair and calling him a good boy--

He tries to say "yes, your good boy, always yours," and all that comes out is "yes — ah —" 

He's so tired and he can't move but sometimes there are dicks in his mouth or in his cunt and sometimes there are mouths on his thighs and his back and his neck and sometimes there are hands or mouths between his legs and he comes almost absently and Asher keeps stroking his hair--

He's so tired and it would be so hard to move or try to stand up and it's so easy to just let himself sink into the feeling and let Asher pet his hair and let himself be, be fucked and filled up and kissed and touched, he's too tired to think but he doesn't want to think he wants to let go 

He's getting fucked and there's a dick not that far from his hand and he could reach out and touch it if he could move--

His hand twitches; he tries to reach out, fails, tries again, succeeds the second time — he doesn't have to coordination to wrap his hand around it but he tries —

Asher guides his hand, helps him stroke.

Sasha must be feverish because they're both so cold.

Asher is so good and helpful and good. Sasha loves him. Does Asher know that. He should. 

Sasha lets Asher guide his hand, goes where he's put. 

And then, a small eternity later, all at once his clit stops throbbing and it stops feeling so terrible to be empty and he can think again and he's so so tired and he can't move. 

He slumps against Asher and says something that would be "What time is it," if it weren't nearly too slurred to hear. 

"Five AM."

"— I was supposed to be home five hours ago." 

"It will be fine," Asher says firmly. "Your parents will understand. You're not a kid anymore."

They probably won't but — he's not a kid anymore — Asher's right — and there's nothing to worry about, Asher will keep him safe — 

"Okay," he says, softly. "...I should probably still go home now." 

He can't stand up. That might be a problem. 

Asher picks him up and starts to carry him home.

"You're such a slut," he says fondly.

"Your slutty thing," he agrees. "...should probably put clothes back on. Before we get there." 

"Good idea," he says, "but I have no idea where your clothes are."

He thinks about it. "Over.... there?" and he gestures vaguely in the direction of the first wall he got fucked against. 

Asher carries him over to the wall. "I can't find it." He laughs. "My slutty slutty boyfriend who had two drinks and lost all his clothes."

Sasha laughs and tucks his face into Asher. "Loooooove you." 

"Well, you already had hundreds of people watch you get fucked, I don't think being naked for your walk home is going to make that much difference."

Oh. He liked that shirt and that binder but — Asher's right — 

"Okay," he says, and nestles into Asher's arms. 

Asher runs to Sasha's home.

"I bet you don't even know how many v-- guys you fucked."

"I don't," he admits. "Guess I'm really a lightweight." 

"You got really wasted!" he agrees. "It's safe to do once every couple weeks."

"Mmm. It was a really good night." 

"Mm. I'm glad." He stops at the door to Sasha's house, realizes it's locked, and climbs in through Sasha's bedroom window, carrying Sasha. "I'll call you tomorrow to see how you're doing?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, love you." 

He kisses Asher and then collapses into bed, doesn't bother to put the blankets over himself before he falls asleep. 

In the morning, or rather the afternoon, when he wakes up, he feels dizzy and lightheaded and nauseous and incredibly thirsty and he's sweating and he has a headache.

Oh jesus. 

He gets up as well as he can — he's stumbling, still — and goes to the bathroom and gets himself a glass of water, finishes it in ten seconds, and drinks three more before going back to his room and collapsing again. 

Okay. So. Last night was great. But, also, he slept with more guys than he can remember, and he doesn't remember using a condom at all, and that's really bad actually, Asher isn't going to let anyone rape him but Asher can only do so much about unplanned pregnancy and HIV. And then there's his parents. 

"Hi, Sasha!" says his mom cheerfully, coming into his bedroom. "I'm glad you're awake. Do you want some orange juice? Some painkillers?"

.....yesterday his mom was still calling him Allie. 

Yesterday he was told very specifically that if he stayed out after midnight they'd turn off his cell data for a month. 

And today he is being called his name and offered painkillers and you know what, sure, he'll take this without asking questions. 

"I'd love some, thank you." 

"Here's some toast and a banana," his mother says, "those are great for a hangover."

"....thank you." 

He takes them and eats, mechanically. 

In spite of his nausea, the toast and banana taste really really good.

"Well, I'll leave you to rest!" his mom says. "Just tell me if you need anything."

"Thank you," he says, having absolutely zero intention of doing that. 

When his mom is gone he texts Asher 

do you happen to have plan b and/or a pregnancy test 

Asher is faced with the awkward prospect of having a conversation with his boyfriend about a serious issue without using mind control.

why

because I had sex with a lot of guys last night and I definitely didn't use condoms and I really really don't want to get pregnant 

or hiv but that's hard to do anything about this morning 

Asher really fucking hates Sunnydale Syndrome. 

I'll be right over

kay

love you

On his way over he tries to think of a remotely plausible explanation for why Sasha doesn't need to use condoms with vampires. He does not succeed.

A few minutes later he vaults in through Sasha's window, looks in his eyes, and says, "You won't get pregnant or get HIV as long as I'm there watching you. You don't have to worry about it."

"....oh," he says. "Okay." There's a brief pause before, "Cuddle me?" 

"Of course." He wraps Sasha in his arms. "Do you know why you don't need to worry about it?"

"...because you make sure to only bring me to parties where you know everyone is safe like you are?" 

"Yeah, that's right. I'm going to take care of you. You can trust me to keep you safe."

"Yeah," and his voice is very soft. "Yeah, I can." 

"How are you feeling?"

"Hangovers are terrible but my mom has had a change of heart RE my name, so, ehh?" 

"I have a feeling your parents are going to be a lot cooler about the trans thing going forward."

"It seems like it, anyway." 

"They've just figured out that you're growing up and making your own choices."

"I'm glad they're finally figuring it out!" 

Asher's arms are so solid and so so safe. 

"Do you want to go hang out with Lev?"

"Always." 

"Are you feeling up for it with the hangover?" he says, worried.

Pause. 

"....I'm not sure. Maybe just cuddling is a better idea?" 

He kisses Sasha's forehead.

"It's okay. The three of us can always hang out tomorrow."

Sasha's mother comes in to take away the plates and does not remark on her son being in bed naked with a man five years older than him.

....that's nice. That's really nice. 

Maybe Sasha should curl up in Asher's arms. Maybe he should fall asleep again. 

When he wakes up Asher is still there, scribbling incomprehensible figures onto a piece of paper with one hand and cradling Sasha with the other. There's a bowl of hot chicken soup near his bed.

Honestly what he really wants right now is a glass of water that is 90% ice. 

But he eats the chicken soup anyway. 

Asher kisses his forehead. 

"Guess what I got you when you were out."

"Is it chicken soup?" 

"Nope," he says, "that was your mom, who is really chill. --I got you Lev's and your favorite food."

With a dramatic gesture he presents Sasha with a cup of ice.

"I love you." 

Crushed ice makes a really, really satisfying cronch sound when he chews on it. Asher is so good. 

"Maybe now that your parents are so chill you and Lev and I can all go on a trip. Wherever you want to go."

"Maybe!" Cronch cronch cronch. "I'm not sure where I'd want to go, but that's. A really nice thought." 

Asher continues to snuggle him and cover the page with incomprehensible scribbles.

(It is probably math, although some strange kind of math that doesn't have any numbers in it.)

Lots of math doesn't have numbers in it. And lots of math is incomprehensible, Sasha's kind of dumb. That's normal. 

Asher stays with Sasha for a couple more hours and then leaves; he has plans with Lev. 

(Asher always has money for whatever he wants and never seems to have to work; he might be busy because he got caught up reading a book, or because he has plans to hang out with someone, or because he has tickets to go see a play, but never because he has a job. Sasha doesn't know what Asher's job is.)

Probably he's a programmer or something, it has weird hours and pays well and Asher's good at math. He knows they've talked about it, he's just too dumb to remember what they said. 

All day and the next morning, Sasha's parents call him 'Sasha' and 'son' and 'he'; they don't make any comments about his unfinished homework or his missed curfew,  their comments about his hangover are limited to concern, and their comments about his nice boyfriend Asher are limited to wanting him to come over to dinner sometime so they can meet him since he's so nice to their son.

(Sasha doesn't remember mentioning Asher to his parents.)

....huh. 

Well, whatever happened, he approves. He goes to school (he's still so tired but he can't not go in) not having done any of his homework. 

As usual since he started dating Asher this semester, his teachers' eyes seem to slide over him; they don't bother to collect the homework and they don't notice when he sleeps in class.

He does his best to concentrate. His best.... isn't very good. (His grades are better than ever so he must be doing something right — but he's kind of dumb anyway and he's so tired.) 

And after school he meets Lev out front. 

"Asher says you had a great time this weekend."

"Asher's right." 

Lev kisses him. "I remember my first time at one of Asher's parties. Well, sort of. Everything's kind of blurry."

He kisses Lev back. "It's a little blurry for me too, I drank a lot, but it was so good." 

"Yeah. --Maybe we can go together next time, it'd be fun. Asher's friends are so hot."

"They are. — I should ask Asher to go and find my binder, I kind of lost all my clothes —" 

"I wish I could have seen that-- so did I, my first time, now I just get naked before I have my first drink--"

"Oh, that's a good idea, I should do that next time." 

They're walking to Asher's house; it always takes longer to walk there when Asher isn't there.

"Sasha, do you ever notice that your memories are sort of... fuzzy?"

"Yeah. — but I'm kind of dumb, so." 

"Yeah, me too, but. I don't think they used to be this fuzzy."

He shrugs. "I've had a shitty memory for basically forever." 

He shrugs. "Yeah, it's probably nothing, I was just thinking-- I don't really remember how my parents started being okay with the gay thing--"

"My parents started using my name this weekend." 

"Really? That's awesome."

"It is! They're not one hundred percent on pronouns yet but they're trying, I don't know what made the difference but it's great." 

"Maybe they realized you're not going to stop being trans?"

"I guess. Asher thinks they've realized I'm not a kid anymore and I can make my own choices. -- whatever it is no way in hell am I complaining." 

"Yeah. Everything is easier when you have parents that don't object to you being gay or going to parties."

"It really is." 

And they're at Asher's house!

Asher has his headphones in and is concentrating very hard on something; they're not going to be able to talk to him until he finishes.

That's alright, Sasha has an entire Lev to cuddle with. 

Mm. And to make out with. 

Yes. And to make out with. It's very enthusiastic making out. 

There should be fewer shirts, and then Sasha can see how enthusiastic Lev is about kissing the rest of his body.

Maybe Sasha can kiss the rest of Lev's body too? 

Sasha is the best at plans.

Lev bites Sasha's shoulder. It feels like... well, like teeth touching skin.

It doesn't feel like he's flying but he'd been drunk for the first time and exhilarated by strangers wanting him and desperate to get fucked and it's only natural that he'd remember it as bliss, isn't it — 

Having sex with Sasha is less mind-blowingly I-don't understand-why-anyone-does-anything-other-than-fuck in-fact-I'm-never-going-to-do-anything-but-fuck blissful than having sex with Asher, but on the other hand he remembers all of it afterward.

He avoids Sasha's breasts, kisses his neck and his shoulder and his stomach.

He puts his hands on the back of Lev's head and tangles his fingers in Lev's hair and moans at the kisses. 

"I love you, you're so good," he says, and starts to pull off Sasha's pants so he can eat him out.

Mmmm. 

He doesn't have to worry about anything, Asher's right there, but Lev's mouth is so good and Sasha loves him so much and mmmmmmmmm. 

He makes quiet little moaning noises into Sasha's cunt and starts to fuck him with two of his fingers.

Oh fuck — he loves his Lev so much —

What a coincidence! He loves his Sasha so much!

Best Lev best Lev best Lev. 

He pulls away and kisses Sasha again. 

Good. 

"You should fuck me." 

"Are you sure," he says, "what about--"

"Asher's right there. And it's fine to have sex while hes watching, he'll keep me safe." 

Lev is not sure that is very good logic. "Can he keep you safe from getting pregnant, though."

"....we don't have to." 

"You have no idea how much I want to, I just--"

"Yeah." 

He pulls Lev closer and curls up on Lev's shoulder. "...it is safe, though, Asher didn't have me use condoms on Saturday and it's fine." 

Lev kisses him and runs his hands through his hair. "You're so beautiful."

"I love you." 

Lev should not be wearing pants, is what should be going on.

That's true. 

And then Sasha can kiss his face, and his neck, and his shoulders, and his hands, and — 

And Lev can pull Sasha on top of him and kiss him and rub against the outside a little and-- oh-- slip inside--

And it isn't soaring flying desperate bliss, but it's good and it's warm and he's so full and it's Lev, his Lev, his beautiful bright Lev. 

It's so warm and soft and wet and-- it's not bliss but he can think around it, he can notice sensations, he can see Sasha's face and hear his gasps and know that he's going to remember it tomorrow and they're so close, it's the closest to his Sasha that he could possibly be--

He physically can't press into Lev any closer than he already is, but he's trying, okay, he pushes his face into Lev's shoulder and makes whimpering noises into his skin. 

He feels strangely like they're cuddling and it just so happens that his dick is cuddling inside Sasha's cunt. It's intimate and affectionate and-- loving. And-- Sasha's so wet, he's so warm, Lev loves him so much--

"I'm going to finish in an embarrassingly short amount of time."

"That's fine — ah —" 

And his kisses Sasha and tugs his hair and listens to him gasp and the moment he finishes it feels almost like he's flying.

"Lev," and his fingers tighten in Lev's hair, "Lev," his hips twitch, he isn't done, "Lev —" 

Lev kisses him and starts fucking him with his fingers. 

"Sorry I'm not a dozen people."

He moans and pulls Lev closer and buries his face in Lev's shoulder again and says "Don't be — you're perfect —" 

He yanks Sasha's hair with one hand the way he likes and fucks him with the other and loves him and is only a little bit irritated about the concept of refractory periods and the inconvenient way they only happen when he's with Sasha. (It's not like he wants Sasha less.)

And Sasha finishes on Lev's fingers and just for a moment it's that transcendent bliss and then — 

And then the bliss fades, and he's warm and glowing and satisfied, there's nothing missing, nothing he needs except to stay right here in Lev's arms. 

"We should do that again."

"Do what again?"

"Sex. And then cuddling. The cuddling is very important." 

"Cute. I have the best boyfriends."

"That can't be right. I have the best boyfriends." 

"I guess I'm the best."

Asher comes over to cuddle them.

"It's true. You are the best." 

Asher's an ice cube but Lev is so so warm and the contrast feels weird but nice. 

"Why did we wait so long to do this, Sasha?"

"To do which?"

"Cause I was anxious about it for no reason and you didn't push me because you're the best?" He nuzzles his Lev. 

"I'm not sure that's what happened, I thought we were worried about babies."

Well, fuck.

"Yeah, but it was fine, I'm safe, I shouldn't have been worried about it at all." 

They should be talking less and snuggling more. 

"Sasha," he says, "hypothetically, if you needed it, what would you think about birth control?"

His face scrunches up. 

"...I guess an IUD wouldn't be bad? The pill might be fine but I've heard people say it fucks with their dysphoria and I don't super want to deal with that." 

Asher has no idea what an IUD is but he does not want his Sasha to have worse dysphoria or, for that matter, anything that is best described as "not bad". He hasn't really thought about having babies in centuries but he remembers that it is hard for humans to have babies, so probably it will be fine. And anyway they have abortion now, he's read about it, and if something happens he can just take Sasha to have an abortion and make him forget the experience and by the time he remembers he'll be a vampire and he won't care.

"It's lucky you're safe."

"It is," he agrees. 

Time for less talking and more snuggling!

Yes. More snuggling is good. 

Sasha gets frankly a ridiculous amount of sleep over the next week, and is still consistently exhausted in all his classes; he worries that he should talk to a doctor about that and his memory problems, but probably if it were a problem he'd have had the thought more than once. After school he goes and sleeps with Asher and Lev and cuddles them both. 

Lev... is vague about a lot of things that happen. He doesn't remember a lot of details about what his life is like. He reads a lot; the history and economics and sociology stay clear, even when he's confused about how he got to a place or what he was talking about with Asher or what, exactly, has happened in the past year of his life. And he can read with Sasha napping on his shoulder, and that's nice.

He likes fucking Sasha. It's different than fucking Asher because he remembers it so clearly, the order of events and not just single flashbulb details and an overwhelming sense of bliss. He doesn't know why they're safe and that bothers him but Sasha wouldn't lie to him; it goes on the long list of things he can't ever remember.

He fucks Sasha while Sasha sleeps, once, and that's really nice.

And Asher is-- amazing, he knows that, he can't remember any of the specific details of why he's amazing, but he knows the sex is great and he knows Asher loves him and wants him to be happy and he has facts he knows he learned from Asher even if he doesn't remember how he learned them and-- he shouldn't be worried. Everything in his life is going well. He should be happy.

Asher is such a great boyfriend and he is only going to become better.

He's pretty good, it's true. 

Sasha falls asleep on Lev's shoulder or Asher and wakes up with Lev or Asher dripping down his thighs; he doesn't get his homework done but that's alright, his teachers don't seem to care. 

"I bet you're looking forward to getting top surgery in a couple days," Asher announces one afternoon.

— wait, what, how could he have forgotten that news — 

"I am!" 

Forehead kiss.

"I know you've waited for such a long time."

"I don't remember this."

"...I told the doctor about wanting top surgery when she took my mom out of the room at my last checkup and she said I looked like an ideal candidate for it, I definitely told you about that." 

"Yeah, but I didn't know you had an appointment."

"— I guess maybe I forgot to tell you? I'm sorry, I know I would have wanted to tell you —" 

"It's okay, our memories both suck, probably I was the one who forgot, I'm really sorry, it was important, I should have remembered--"

It is the most important thing in the world that Sasha stop making that face.

"Probably we both forgot." 

Can he cuddle Lev now. 

He can cuddle Lev.

See, this is why you don't have important conversations without mind control. 

"You've known about your top surgery for weeks," he says to Sasha, "you had to go to a therapist and get a letter and consult with the surgeon, it's a good thing your parents are so accepting now." He turns to Lev. "You've known about it for weeks and you're really excited."

"Have I said enough times that I can't wait for your new chest?"

He blinks. 

"I don't know about enough, but. — I can't wait either." 

Lev kisses him. "I can't wait. Because you'd be happier and also because I am gay."

"I'll get to go swimming!" 

"Man, I bet Asher's friends have pool parties. --Do they have pool parties?" he asks Asher.

"Yes, but not really the kind where you have to wear a swimsuit."

"Still easier to have fun if you don't have to worry about your ribs." And there'll be lots of gorgeous people and he won't be the only one who doesn't have clothes. 

"We should do something to celebrate," he suggests.

"I assume you have something in particular in mind?" 

He runs a hand up Sasha's side. "You and Lev could both go get fucked."

"What a good idea." Asher has the best softest face and Sasha is going to kiss it now.