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mean square error
Permalink Mark Unread

He's trying to kill us--could ruin him--worry about that later--grab your sister and go.

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This is the sky.

She's not falling; there is air; there is not a down.

There's a planet, overhead - she could call it "below" and declare herself upside-down.

It's pretty. ...It's square.
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What the fuck.

...Is there anything besides air in naive unaugmented range of her Sympathy-senses?
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Nope!

There's a moon, thataway. It's hemispherical. There is a sun, underfoot, casting daylight on the square.
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Why is that moon a hemisphere--why is that...planet? square, why is she not currently dying of asphyxiation.

Well.

Maybe there will be answers on the...square thing. (She's not ready to label it a planet.)

She starts flying.
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The square obligingly becomes closer as she flies to it.

When she gets close enough the square is suddenly "down".
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She flips over so the blood isn't rushing to her head and continues descending. She aims for...they have three continents, or continent-like things, okay, she'll go for that one on the edge that's closeish to that other one.

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The place is inhabited! As she approaches she can see cities and towns.

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Okay then. She can find a decent-sized city.

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It has tall buildings and pedestrian-friendly streets and flying vehicles and plenty of humans and a few definitely not humans with feathers or long ears or diminutive stature. Nobody seems surprised that she is flying.

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For lack of a better idea, she finds someone who doesn't look busy, approaches them with a vaguely apologetic smile, and starts trying languages at them.

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Well, they don't speak her language, but they listen to her for a bit and then yell at somebody with variegated green hair walking down the street the opposite direction. The lady with the variegated green hair comes over and gestures for Odette to continue. The original pedestrian leaves Odette in the care of green hair person.

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"...Hi, I'm kind of extremely lost."

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"Whoa," says the green hair lady in the same language, "what language even is this?"

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"It's called Genoshan. It's from the Free City of Genosha. Which is on a flying island. Above a spherical planet. I am really extremely lost."

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"A spherical planet? Wow, how did you even get here?" asks green hair lady. "Um, welcome to Elcenia, I guess?"

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"I was trying to teleport away from a murder attempt and found myself floating with a weird square thing above my head."

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"What kind of lousy teleport spell does that?"

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"The kind where you're more concerned with getting away than getting to. I wasn't thinking very clearly, because murder attempt."

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"I just don't see why you'd learn a spell that did that in the first place?"

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"I didn't know teleporting could do that. I expected--well, I expected to land elsewhere in the city, or at worst somewhere else on the planet."

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"You must have weird teleportation spells on your spherical planet."
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"I feel like we're talking at cross-purposes. What do you mean by teleportation spells?"

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"You cast it and then you arrive wherever you were going."

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"No but like what's with spells, plural, d'you have a way to teleport by Sympathy here?"

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"By what?"

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"Sympathy. As opposed to Conquest. Or Effort, but Effort teleportation would be way harder than adapting it for Sympathy, probably."

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"What are you talking about?"
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"Magic?"

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"...well, magic's different here."

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"Different how?"

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"It doesn't have any of the stuff you just said? And teleportation works better."

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"Teleportation normally works fine, I just messed up. How do you do magic, then?"

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"Uh -" Green hair lady makes a gesture and says a word and now she's a foot to the left. "Like that."

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"...Weird. You actually have to talk and gesture? I think my magic's better if it's possible to take away yours by binding and gagging you."

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"...why is that the first place your mind goes?"
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"Because those are the obvious ways to make you not able to do magic?"

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"Do you have that problem a lot?"

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"No, but I was fleeing a murder attempt when I came here,and my brain hasn't gotten completely out of paranoid mode yet."

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"Okay, well, wizards can in fact be prevented from doing magic," says the green hair lady, "but it doesn't come up very much."

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"Yeah, probably. ...So, um, I'm...not really sure what to do with myself at this point. I'm not even sure whether my sister's still facing down death by irate teacher or not."

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"You were trying to bring your sister along?"

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"Yeah."

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"...and your magic can't scry her?"

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"She's not in range. I checked."

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"Well, what's your range?"

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"I haven't measured it recently, but pretty large. Comparatively speaking. Hundreds of miles."

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"Okay, well, it seems like you need a wizard, but if you're from a spherical planet I bet you don't have any local money..."

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"Almost certainly not. Well, is there anything wizards mostly can't do that I might be able to?"

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"Uh - resurrect the dead? Casually make teleportation circles without charging a meaningful fraction of a national budget?"

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"Nope and don't even know what that means. Damn. There's probably something, but--oh. Hm. I could de-age people, I think I saw enough old people that that's not redundant, at least."

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"Oh! Yeah, wizards don't do that. You probably want a big commercial caster office with a huge network and maybe you can work something out where they call up their big customers and have you de-age them and then you can get a translation spell and a scry for your sister and a call or summon depending."

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"I think I understood maybe half of that."

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"...I can take you to a place where you might be able to trade de-aging for the wizard spells you need done."

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"But this isn't going to involve long-term commitment on my part, right?"

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"Right, you only need two, three spells done, how many people can you de-age in a day?"

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"In a whole day? Plenty. It doesn't take that long."

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"Yeah, they'd rather have you for a day than risk you going somewhere else," the green haired lady says confidently.

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"I'm going to want to figure out something longer-term at some point, once I find my sister, assuming I can't just teleport us back home. Which I will want to try, but this is completely unprecedented as far as I know."

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"I mean," says the green haired lady, "I assume the wizards'll be able to send you home, wherever that is."

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"...What, really?"

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"Probably? They might try to convince you to stay, de-aging could be a big deal, but you can just charge lots of money for that and go around to people until somebody will send you back?"

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"And this is a thing they can for sure do?"

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"I'm not a wizard myself, but I think so?"

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"Feels almost anticlimactic, but in a good way."

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"Well, let's find you a wizard so you can talk to people besides dragons and find your sister, then."

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"Dragons?"

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"Yeah? Dragons? That's why that guy called me over, he knew I'd be able to talk to you."

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"Yoooou don't look like a dragon. Also. Dragons aren't real where I come from."

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"Yes I do," says the lady, pointing at her hair. "Anyway, it sounds like things are very different where you come from."

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"If the identifying characteristic is hair color I'm not sure why the word you picked in my language was dragon. Dragons are supposed to be usually-large reptiles that may or may not have wings or breathe fire."

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"...well, if I walked down the street like that I don't see how there'd be any room for anybody else, you know?"

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"...Aha. Stories about dragons in my world usually don't involve shapeshifting."

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"Sounds inconvenient."

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"Probably less inconvenient for the fact that they're not real."

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"Well, there is that. Anyway, I'm a dragon, you can tell a female dragon in humanoid form by the hair color unless she's a black dragon or something, but I'm a malachite so it's really obvious. My name's Reesa."

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"My name's Odette. How d'you tell a male dragon?"

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"Eye color. They get shouted at less for translation help," Reesa snorts.

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"I can imagine. What colors of dragon are there?"

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"Uh, there's thirty of 'em," says Reesa, "you want the whole list?"

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"I guess probably not right now."

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"Wizard office I know about is just this way."

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She follows her. "Thank you for being so helpful."

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"No problem."

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And eventually they will get to the wizard office.

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And Reesa introduces the situation to the receptionist in the local language, and the receptionist calls a wizard, who casts a translation spell on Odette, and Reesa waves and leaves.

"Translation spell provided free of charge. The dragon says you can de-age people?" says the receptionist.
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"Yeah. I've never taken more than a couple decades off someone before, but the principle's the same however much comes off."

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"We can find customers interested in this service but it will be challenging to price. The dragon said you need a scry, possibly transworld, on your sister, and then you and she need to go home, possibly transworld?"

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"Um, if she's back home and not already dead it might be most important to get her out of where she is because I came here fleeing a murder attempt."

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"All right, so a scry possibly transworld, a summon or call, and two sendings or pushes. Do you want to try dealing in Corenta currency for this or just trade straight across?"

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"I think I'd rather deal in currency. If there's anything left over when it's time to go home I can donate it to charity or something."

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"All right..." She rummages in a filing cabinet and produces a price sheet which Odette can magically read. "These are the standard prices for services of that magnitude." There are numbers in a currency with which Odette has no familiarity.

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"I don't really know how much that is. How much would it cost to buy, oh, a novel or a loaf of bread?"

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Substantially less than any of these spells!

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"...How difficult are these?" she asks of the services on the price sheet.

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"All of those require a fully trained and licensed wizard and a diagram which will take an angle or two to draw out," says the receptionist, "and the transworld items in particular are demanding on channeling capacity."

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"What's channeling capacity?"

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"...it's how much power a caster can draw for a single spell."

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"Oh, I see. So..." she looks for the least expensive item on the list. "Maybe about as much as that? Because de-aging people isn't all that hard."

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"Irrespective of how far they're being de-aged?" queries the receptionist.

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"I've only done a few decades before but it didn't feel like it was straining anything or anything."

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"- have you only de-aged humans?"

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"Dragons don't exist in my world."

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"Dragons aren't the only nonhuman species around; I'm wondering about elves, for instance. Corenta is human-majority, but filtering customers for species would be something we'd need to pay attention to."

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"...My first instinct is to offer to try to do it for free for one elf to see if it's the same."

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"Is there any risk of side effect or backfire for the subject, either because it is not the same for elves or in general because of caster error?"

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"No, if it's not the same it won't feel the same and I just won't do it."

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"We can probably have enough subjects to cover your spell suite before the day's out, but would be delighted to entertain your services beyond that as we source other interest," the receptionist says, "for spending money or other incidentals."

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"I'm not even going to consider long-term commitments until I'm sure my sister's okay but I'm not ruling anything out until then either."

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"All right. Would you like a spare caster's office to wait in while I find clients?"

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"That sounds practical."

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So the receptionist shows her to somebody's office - apparently they have the day off - and leaves her there with an estimate of half an angle to get ahold of a first client.

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...Less boring than several hours floating in the void of space. Presumably. What's an angle?

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It's a unit of time. There are twenty-five of them in a day, and the receptionist casts a time spell to display how quickly the subdivisions of angles go by.

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About half an hour, then. That's fine.

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And indeed half an hour later the receptionist shows a little old lady to Odette's temporary office!
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It takes her about ten minutes to get her looking and feeling like she's twenty.

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The little old lady is so happy! She hugs Odette and skips off making vague remarks about the boy who looks after her garden.

They find her an elf next. The elf looks sort of like a human except with long pointy ears, white hair, and purple eyes.
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Odette pokes at her with her Sympathy senses. There isn't much in the way of meaningful difference. Since she's an elf, she looks like sixty instead of twenty when Odette's done with her, not that Odette has been informed of that.

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The elf is also very happy!

The receptionist will keep sending in old people until Odette says she's done, and will tell her how much cash she's accumulated.
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Odette isn't going to say she's done for a good long time. Helping people! Adding decades onto peoples' lives! Best thing!

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Then she can have more old people even past the usual closing time of the office! They will stay open late just for this.

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Excellent. She's pretty much not going to stop until they stop bringing her old people.

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Eventually the receptionist is replaced by a different receptionist, presumably because the first one's shift is over, but they must be taking a heck of a cut because they're really excited about continuing to bring her old people.

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It is possible Odette will request some form of caffeine if this goes on long enough.

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They have tea! She can have all the tea she likes, on the house.

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She's a college student, she can go for an inadvisably long time on caffeine and people not dying of old age.

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The wizard outfit is delighted to have her.

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Of course they are.

Odette doesn't actually notice how long it's been until sunrise, if it gets that far.
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It gets that far! For all they know her magic lets her go without sleep indefinitely as long as she has tea.

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Alas, no. She can survive an all-nighter but she does call a stop after the session in which she notices the sun rising.

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Okay. Would she like a hotel room? On the house.

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...Maybe later. She would like to at least find out where her sister is sooner rather than later, actually.

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They can do that too! They will decrement their IOU and have someone cast her the scries. They try the intraworld one first.

There she is!
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"Where's that?" It looks like some kind of desert...

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The scry's zoomed in enough to make out Illia, so it's hard to say. Deserts are mostly an Espaal thing? So maybe Espaal somewhere? It would be easier to tell if she were near civilization.

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"...Either way, she's in a desert. And--she hasn't gotten to sleep at all, has she--I should have paid more attention to the time--can you get her here now?"

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It'll take about an angle to draw up the diagram but the wizard will get right on that.

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She really should have done this sooner.

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The wizard soon has a diagram drawn up and calls Illia to the middle of a circle on the floor of his office.