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Oct 20, 2019 3:29 PM
jiath gives the one he loves a shiny rock
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"...yeah, I'd probably feel bad living in trauma central when I was–"

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"–wait can we go back to the part where he can make people immortal? Just, like, whenever?"

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"Cut-rate immortality, I said. It's very effective for about a hundred years and then your mind starts to go. ...also you turn into a swan during the day."

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"...that's pretty shitty immortality."

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"Yes. But it stands up to a hell of a lot of seeing one's guts, which is after all the point."

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This is a really surreal conversation to be having in total seriousness with a complete stranger.

"...so everybody he's got is just gonna lose their mind? And live forever like that? There's not, like...a way to fix it?"

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"Once there's -- not enough left to matter -- he just kills them. But there's no fixing it, no."

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"...what an asshole."

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"He'd design the immortality better if he could. His daughter's working on it."

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"...couldn't he also, like. Not rape and torture people."

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"...technically, no, the mountain would explode if he stopped torturing people. For complicated magic reasons. But neither he nor I will attempt to defend it."

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"...got another hypothetical for you."

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"...yes?"

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"Let's say there's one person who doesn't need to get shitty swan immortality to get tortured a ton. And is, like, decent-looking, if that matters. How much time does that buy everybody else?"

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"It's not worth it. It's -- good of you, it's fucking wonderful of you, but -- no. People have tried that sort of thing before, and ... every one of them has regretted it."

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"I'd, uh, really like to take that compliment, but I'm not being as totally selfless as you think I am."

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"...what, do you have some kind of clever plot to overthrow him? It won't work. I promise you that."

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"I mean, I figured I'd make shit up as I went along with the overthrowing him part, but it's not that either."

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"It won't work," he repeats. "What is it, then?"

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"It's...kind of a turn-on?"

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"...I suspect you are underestimating the kind of thing he's capable of."

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"Yeah? What's he capable of?"

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"...I try to avoid learning the details. But ... he has been alive for thousands of years, and he has massive amounts of magic at his disposal."

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"Have you been fucking with me this whole time."

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"...n...o? It wouldn't be particularly funny."

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