Jean's house has termites.
They are, as it happens, very polite termites. They stay scrupulously away from load-bearing beams, so that he never has to worry about his roof collapsing onto his head. He does have to replace the non-load-bearing walls occasionally -- and the porch railing, and the interior doors, and the kitchen table -- but they stay away from the bookshelves, so overall he counts it as a win.
The bedbugs are polite enough not to bite. Jean is pretty sure this should not be physiologically possible, but he's learned better than to ask too many questions. The mosquitoes do bite, but they don't bite him, and they're careful about only biting one animal so they don't spread disease.
He didn't have silverfish until he designated a bookshelf to devote entirely to a collection of really, truly terrible books. It features Fifty Shades of Gray and To Train Up A Child and Dianetics and tie-in novels for various franchises. Now he does have silverfish, but only in the one bookshelf, so that's okay.
His favorites are the bees. (The spiders are his sister's favorite, but she doesn't mind that he likes the bees best. Bees are good too.) He has hives and hives of them, and none of them ever sting him, which is good, because if they did they would die and that would be awful. They make more honey than they need, so every so often he gets to go open up one of the hives (he warns them first, politely, so none get squashed by accident) and fish out jars and jars full of honey. He has a pantry full of it, all different colors, shades of gold and brown and pale and even auburn. Sometimes he shares it with the bugs.
The bees need flowers, of course, but he has forty acres all to himself, and when the grasshoppers know to stay away and the worms know to come and thrive, that can grow a lot of plants. He gets monarch butterflies every fall when they migrate, and he stands outside counting them and crying. He doesn't love them quite as much as he loves the bees, but he still loves them, and there's fewer every year.
They miss him, when he's gone, traveling to act or to attend conferences or to do other things, and he misses them. There's bugs everywhere, but his house has so many, and such good ones. His sister sends him all sorts of strange and foreign creatures: dung beetles with carapaces that shine like jewels, long-legged spiders that weave him clothes of strange fabric, African termites that build clay statues at his command.
They're letting him be, right now, so he can focus on his work, but he can still see them moving out of the corner of his eye, and it makes him smile: small winged things darting irregular paths through the air, or heavier bugs scuttling across the floor, going about their business. He never has to be alone.
Jean clicks out of the ninth article on bee depopulation and squints at the screen, tired-eyed. increasing bee population, he googles.
Ten minutes later, after working through a fruitless page of results: getting bees to breed more
After another ten minutes: bee mating
what do bees think is sexy
how to seduce a bee
Jean's house has termites.
* direction_of_sunbeams joined #lobby. *
[21:38] wastingdjinni: don't be an asshole
[21:38] chair: If you do that you might lose the finger.
[21:38] deadleaf: hi!!
[21:39] foggy: new meat new meat new meat
[21:39] kira_kira: gross
[21:40] direction_of_sunbeams: Hi.
[21:40] direction_of_sunbeams: What is this place, exactly?
[21:40] kira_kira: the worst place on the internet
[21:40] wastingdjinni: so do i tourniquet it or not
[21:40] deadleaf: um how did you get here? have you been to the site?
[21:40] direction_of_sunbeams: Yes, I stumbled across the site and followed a link here.
[21:41] direction_of_sunbeams: I don't understand who this person is or why he makes these videos or for that matter who any of you are or why you watch them.
[21:43] wastingdjinni: wow get a load of this guy
[21:43] lemontired: kick this chump
[21:43] deadleaf: be nice he just doesn't know yet!
[21:43] chair: Uh, have you ever heard of art?
[21:43] foggy: come back in two weeks and ask that question
[21:43] direction_of_sunbeams: Why, what's happening in two weeks?
[21:44] foggy: lol
[21:44] deadleaf: um usually you'll understand by then
[21:44] wastingdjinni: okay seriously i'm going to tourniquet it afterwards if nobody has anything else to say about it
[21:45] direction_of_sunbeams: Are the videos staged?
[21:45] direction_of_sunbeams: Don't tourniquet it unless you're going to bleed out before you can get to an emergency room.
[21:45] wastingdjinni: okay thanks. can't believe new meat is better at this than you guys
[21:46] chimeraglo: Z doesn't stage videos.
[21:46] chimeraglo: And it's against the rules to post stages here
[21:46] chimeraglo: It's disrespectful
[21:46] foggy: lol get your head out of his asshole
[21:47] direction_of_sunbeams: I watched the latest video. He should have died from that much blood loss.
[21:47] kira_kira: i wish
[21:47] kira_kira: i'm only still in this place because i'm waiting for him to fucking die
[21:47] kira_kira: it'll be amazing
[21:48] deadleaf: NO ;_; that would be so sad don't say that
[21:48] lemontired: real life doesn't work like that dos
[21:48] lemontired: z's never going to die
[21:48] direction_of_sunbeams: Why do you want him to die?
[21:49] direction_of_sunbeams: I'm so confused.
[21:49] kira_kira: have you seen his face
[21:49] kira_kira: or heard him speak like ever
[21:49] lemontired: stop being a hatefag
[21:50] deadleaf: i think he's beautiful :(
[21:50] foggy: we already know you want his face in your guts
[21:50] chair: I apologize for everyone else in this chat.
[21:51] direction_of_sunbeams: Just to be clear, his entire oeuvre is just creative self-injury? There's no backstory or explanation I've missed?
[21:51] chimeraglo: "Just" :/
[21:51] kira_kira: yeah he's just an attention whore with a knife
[21:52] lemontired: i can't believe you just used the word oeuvre unironically
[21:52] deadleaf: um have you ever seen ASMR videos? i think it's like that but for your soul
[21:52] chair: Does a painting need a backstory?
[21:53] wastingdjinni: maybe i just won't take the bone out if you're all just going to ignore me
[21:53] direction_of_sunbeams: Many paintings need to be appropriately contextualized in order to fully appreciate them.
[21:53] chair: What kind of context are you trying to find?
[21:54] direction_of_sunbeams: Historical, social, cultural, sociological...
[21:54] foggy: it's torture porn sunny
[21:54] foggy: it's not that deep
[21:54] chimeraglo: Just because all you do is jerk off to it doesn't mean the rest of us are like that
This is going nowhere.
[21:54] direction_of_sunbeams: Have any of you spoken with him?
[21:55] deadleaf: sometimes he comes here and talks with us
[21:55] deadleaf: and takes challenges or asks us things
[21:56] deadleaf: and he answers emails sometimes too, and he talks to people in streams
[21:56] direction_of_sunbeams: What sort of things does he talk about?
[21:56] deadleaf: he watched my tribute video last time u//u//u
[21:57] chimeraglo: Are you investigating or something
[21:57] chimeraglo: What is this?
[21:57] direction_of_sunbeams: No, just incorrigibly curious.
[21:57] deadleaf: i can @ you when he comes in if you want!
[21:58] lemontired: dude just watch the videos and lurk like the rest of us
[21:58] kira_kira: he comes in here and does this shitty fake friendly thing
[21:58] kira_kira: probably so he'll get more """"tributes""""