The Alienage in Denerim is not what you'd call a nice place to live, but it's calm, and it has some nice scenery. Enormous tree, shanty-huts, that sort of thing. And the people are always interesting.
One of those interesting people is standing shadily on a street corner and looking at nearby elves. One of his hands is in his pocket. He's unusually dark for someone in Ferelden. Unusually human, too, though he's hunched over so that it's not immediately obvious. And he's muttering to himself, which is a sure way to make people not want to look at someone.
The things he's muttering to himself aren't the ravings of a madman, though. "Not her, I'm sure she'd just rupture... couldn't get him... promising. Excuse me, young man?" he quavers in the voice of an old beggar. "Spare a silver?"
Generated:
Post last updated:
the boss ain't gonna be happy
The short thin blond elf with the bright blue eyes glances up at the... beggar.
"Sorry, old man, I don't have any coin on me," he says.
"Sorry, old man, I don't have any coin on me," he says.
"Oh, that's all right," says the... old... man, as he jabs the elf surreptitiously with a glowing dagger. "That's not all you can give me."
Electricity courses through the elf's body. It's enough to bring down a Qunari and the war nug he's riding on.
Electricity courses through the elf's body. It's enough to bring down a Qunari and the war nug he's riding on.
The elf goes down.
Naturally.
The "beggar" affects concern, murmuring about how he'll get him inside and it'll be alright. "I just don't know what happened," he says to the mostly uncaring witnesses.
He gets him inside. It's so nice that nobody goes into the abandoned orphanage anymore. It makes a lovely workspace. And the storeroom already had a table with straps, for reasons he doesn't particularly care to think about.
Once the elf is strapped in, the human sheds his disguise and is joined by several others. "You know, I really think this one might be a breakthrough. Our problem earlier was that we picked the strongest, healthiest ones to work with. But this one looks half dead already. Maybe that's what we need."
His larger companion grunts. His smaller companion spits on the floor. His fanciest companion says, "Shall we bring in the cages and the lyrium, then?"
"Yes, I think we shall."
The "beggar" affects concern, murmuring about how he'll get him inside and it'll be alright. "I just don't know what happened," he says to the mostly uncaring witnesses.
He gets him inside. It's so nice that nobody goes into the abandoned orphanage anymore. It makes a lovely workspace. And the storeroom already had a table with straps, for reasons he doesn't particularly care to think about.
Once the elf is strapped in, the human sheds his disguise and is joined by several others. "You know, I really think this one might be a breakthrough. Our problem earlier was that we picked the strongest, healthiest ones to work with. But this one looks half dead already. Maybe that's what we need."
His larger companion grunts. His smaller companion spits on the floor. His fanciest companion says, "Shall we bring in the cages and the lyrium, then?"
"Yes, I think we shall."
Their captive remains unconscious. He is not in the best of health.
While he, uh, sleeps, his captors bring in a crate of raw lyrium crystals, which are placed in an elaborate mechanical apparatus consisting mostly of funnels.
"If this one doesn't work, we're through," cautions the fancy companion. "Lyrium does not grow on trees."
"Yeah, yeah," retorts the former beggar. "Just bring in the others."
The others are summarily broughten. A few are weeping. The rest are mostly just angry. One gasps in horror. "Tev! No! You can't do this, not to him, he's-"
"He's a little shit, is what he is," mutters a burlier elf than most. "Don't know what's wrong with him, making me beat the shit out of him all the time."
The first elf glares. "Because you're an asshole!"
The second elf takes the high road and punches him in the face.
"Hey! Quit that! You're all going to die soon enough."
The fancy captor rolls his eyes and immobilizes the elves with a large glyph. He heals the first elf's nose with a wave of his hand. "We don't want them wasting their blood," he explains. "It's ours, you know."
"If this one doesn't work, we're through," cautions the fancy companion. "Lyrium does not grow on trees."
"Yeah, yeah," retorts the former beggar. "Just bring in the others."
The others are summarily broughten. A few are weeping. The rest are mostly just angry. One gasps in horror. "Tev! No! You can't do this, not to him, he's-"
"He's a little shit, is what he is," mutters a burlier elf than most. "Don't know what's wrong with him, making me beat the shit out of him all the time."
The first elf glares. "Because you're an asshole!"
The second elf takes the high road and punches him in the face.
"Hey! Quit that! You're all going to die soon enough."
The fancy captor rolls his eyes and immobilizes the elves with a large glyph. He heals the first elf's nose with a wave of his hand. "We don't want them wasting their blood," he explains. "It's ours, you know."
The commotion causes Tev to finally wake up. He starts struggling and cursing.
The elf who spoke in Tev's defense makes a desperate noise through his paralysis. The elf who did not rolls his eyes.
"Didn't you say you hit him with the zapper? He's impressively not-comatose."
"Didn't you say you hit him with the zapper? He's impressively not-comatose."
He is much more expressive than a comatose person, that's for sure.
"Feisty little thing. Well, let's begin the procedure. First cage, siphon! First crystals, imbue!"
The first elf cage begins to glow red. Shrieks of agony rise from its occupants as their blood rips its way out of their bodies and flows towards Tev.
Once it reaches him, the apparatus begins to glow with heat. The lyrium crystals slowly melt, and travel through specially made funnels toward specific points on Tev's body. The first drop to hit him should be agonizingly painful; it's pretty much guaranteed to get worse.
As the lyrium melts through his skin, the blood of his fellows trickles through him as well, forcing his body to heal. This is not appreciably less painful than the lyrium itself.
The first elf cage begins to glow red. Shrieks of agony rise from its occupants as their blood rips its way out of their bodies and flows towards Tev.
Once it reaches him, the apparatus begins to glow with heat. The lyrium crystals slowly melt, and travel through specially made funnels toward specific points on Tev's body. The first drop to hit him should be agonizingly painful; it's pretty much guaranteed to get worse.
As the lyrium melts through his skin, the blood of his fellows trickles through him as well, forcing his body to heal. This is not appreciably less painful than the lyrium itself.
Tev does quite a lot of screaming.
"Cage two! Second batch! It's working!"
The process continues. In the third stage, instead of lyrium, he's frozen and burned and shocked and filled with pure horrible magic until the blood runs out. In the fourth, he's covered with glowing crystals, which are then covered with lyrium, which causes them to melt into his skin as well. And the final three cages are simply bled into him with nothing to make up for. The straps feel tighter against him once it's done.
The fancy mage wipes his forehead with an embroidered handkerchief. "Gentlemen, I think we've done it. ...Well, we haven't done it, he's still an elf, but look at that chest."
"He's no golem, but those are rock hard!" snickers one of his compatriots, who is immediately high-fived while the mage shakes his head in disgust.
"All of you, out. Guard the doors. I'd like a word with our subject. Our little masterpiece..."
The fancy mage and the rest file out of the room, the mage taking a moment to incinerate the corpses of the elves and scatter their ashes through the room to simulate dust. He then leaves, muttering about a report to the Magister.
The process continues. In the third stage, instead of lyrium, he's frozen and burned and shocked and filled with pure horrible magic until the blood runs out. In the fourth, he's covered with glowing crystals, which are then covered with lyrium, which causes them to melt into his skin as well. And the final three cages are simply bled into him with nothing to make up for. The straps feel tighter against him once it's done.
The fancy mage wipes his forehead with an embroidered handkerchief. "Gentlemen, I think we've done it. ...Well, we haven't done it, he's still an elf, but look at that chest."
"He's no golem, but those are rock hard!" snickers one of his compatriots, who is immediately high-fived while the mage shakes his head in disgust.
"All of you, out. Guard the doors. I'd like a word with our subject. Our little masterpiece..."
The fancy mage and the rest file out of the room, the mage taking a moment to incinerate the corpses of the elves and scatter their ashes through the room to simulate dust. He then leaves, muttering about a report to the Magister.
Tev spends a few seconds whimpering to himself. Then he starts struggling again. Stubborn little thing, isn't he? Well, not exactly little, not anymore...
The non-fancy mage, the one who kidnapped Tev, spends a moment beholding his handiwork.
"Beautiful. It's beautiful." He traces a finger down Tev's gleaming torso. "To think of the power held in this frame... what was so frail and sickly, now stronger than any warrior of legend."
He breathes in and smiles. "We'll have to test you, of course. It should probably wait until you're less... emotional, though. Don't worry, you'll be cured of that soon enough."
It may be noted, at this point, that one of the straps holding Tev to the table was less protected than its fellows during the procedure. It held up admirably, but it won't hold forever. In fact, it looks like it's not going to hold for more than about- well. There it goes.
"Beautiful. It's beautiful." He traces a finger down Tev's gleaming torso. "To think of the power held in this frame... what was so frail and sickly, now stronger than any warrior of legend."
He breathes in and smiles. "We'll have to test you, of course. It should probably wait until you're less... emotional, though. Don't worry, you'll be cured of that soon enough."
It may be noted, at this point, that one of the straps holding Tev to the table was less protected than its fellows during the procedure. It held up admirably, but it won't hold forever. In fact, it looks like it's not going to hold for more than about- well. There it goes.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
He finally manages to take a full breath. The strap breaks, freeing his right hand. The rest of the straps on his arms and torso follow almost immediately; he more or less just sits up as though unobstructed, grabs the mage by the front of his robe with both hands, lifts him into the air, and flings him across the room.
Then he has to take a moment to come to terms with the fact that he just did that.
Then he has to take another moment to tear the straps off his legs.
Then he has to take a moment to come to terms with the fact that he just did that.
Then he has to take another moment to tear the straps off his legs.
The crunch of the mage hitting the wall attracts the attention of the guards! They seem upset about their colleague, but not particularly worried about their chances against an unarmed elf. "Stand down!"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Fuck you!" says the unarmed elf. He charges.
The guards shrug and begin industriously swording him.
Their swording is not particularly effective! This is distressing to the guards.
Their swording is not particularly effective! This is distressing to the guards.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
The swords cut him, but not nearly as deep as they should; he barely bleeds. Certainly nothing about this prevents him from punching them both very hard.
They are wearing plate armor! Punching should not affect them.
Punching affects them.
They do not get up.
Punching affects them.
They do not get up.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev shakes out his stinging fists. They stop stinging. He rubs one of his shallow sword cuts. It's almost fully healed.
He looks around the room.
He looks around the room.
There are teddy bears strewn around, for some reason; they occasionally spark with arcane energies. There are cages containing drifts of ash which were previously elves. There are some Tevinter corpses. There's an elaborate arcane device most recently used to do weird things to Tev, and a ruined strapped table used similarly. There's a crate that still contains a few lyrium crystals. There's a wooden chest in the corner.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
...Carefully avoiding the teddy bears, he opens the wooden chest.
The wooden chest contains some glowing red and blue bottles, three gold sovereigns, thirty silvers, five copper bits, a suit of fairly high-quality chainmail, and- a shield.
The shield is... strange. It's made of a metal that looks like nothing Tev is likely to have seen, and it's painted a sickly green, embossed with a serpentine dragon. It shimmers oddly in the low light, sparking in time with the inexplicable arcane teddy bears.
The shield is... strange. It's made of a metal that looks like nothing Tev is likely to have seen, and it's painted a sickly green, embossed with a serpentine dragon. It shimmers oddly in the low light, sparking in time with the inexplicable arcane teddy bears.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev feels fully justified in taking all the money. He leaves the chainmail, in no small part because wearing chainmail over his lack of a shirt sounds really uncomfortable.
He somewhat dubiously picks up the shield.
He somewhat dubiously picks up the shield.
The shield shimmers much more enthusiastically! The "paint" seethes and turns blue, and the heraldry twists itself into a silver star.
The teddy bears flare up, growing into enormous warped demonic forms. The shield twitches in Tev's hands.
The teddy bears flare up, growing into enormous warped demonic forms. The shield twitches in Tev's hands.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Fuck!" yelps Tev. "What?!" He clutches the shield and backs away from the arcane bears.
The bears snarl and come closer! They are angry bears.
The shield twitches very insistently in Tev's hands! It appears to want him to do something.
The shield twitches very insistently in Tev's hands! It appears to want him to do something.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"What the fuck?"
It is very hard to interpret a twitching shield! But fuck it, he's running out of ideas here and he does not want to try punching these things. He hurls the shield at the nearest bear, just like throwing pie dishes in an alley.
The bear is decapitated by a silver-blue blur that bounces off two walls and the floor and comes whizzing back at him. He leaps into the air to catch it, and when he throws it at the next one he accounts for the bounce better, and it comes right back to his hand.
It is very hard to interpret a twitching shield! But fuck it, he's running out of ideas here and he does not want to try punching these things. He hurls the shield at the nearest bear, just like throwing pie dishes in an alley.
The bear is decapitated by a silver-blue blur that bounces off two walls and the floor and comes whizzing back at him. He leaps into the air to catch it, and when he throws it at the next one he accounts for the bounce better, and it comes right back to his hand.
The bears are predictably distressed by this! They pause, but elect to continue their charge.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
On the next throw, the shield takes the head off one bear and a leg off another. Then they're too close for throwing to work so well. He seats the shield on his arm and bashes one of the four remaining bears in the face with it, very very hard.
The bashéd bear is thoroughly distressed! It collapses in on itself unpleasantly.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I like you," Tev says to the shield. "I'm keeping you."
He hits another bear, this time with the edge. It cuts remarkably well for something that isn't actually sharp. And he has noticed it never cuts him when he touches the edge. Apparently it likes him back.
He hits another bear, this time with the edge. It cuts remarkably well for something that isn't actually sharp. And he has noticed it never cuts him when he touches the edge. Apparently it likes him back.
It does like him! It's thoroughly appreciative of his dedication to crushing his enemies.
The two remaining bears decide to flank him, displaying remarkably existent intelligence.
The two remaining bears decide to flank him, displaying remarkably existent intelligence.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"For fuck's sake," says Tev.
He shield-bashes the bear on his left and brings the shield around to slice at the other bear's face.
He shield-bashes the bear on his left and brings the shield around to slice at the other bear's face.
The bear dodges! The bear strikes! The bear's paw collides with the shield, which abruptly interposes itself between the bear and Tev! The paw does not come out very well from this.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev smashes this bear in the face. The bear goes down.
He looks around. Is it worth staying here any longer? Probably not. There might be more fucked-up magic bears.
Shirtless, barefoot, shield on his arm, he walks out.
He looks around. Is it worth staying here any longer? Probably not. There might be more fucked-up magic bears.
Shirtless, barefoot, shield on his arm, he walks out.
No fucked-up magic bears appear on his way out.
In the street outside, there is a human. His skin is dark, his beard impressive. He has a sword and a dagger crossed over his back, and an unreasonable number of belts on his torso. He's being led around by Valendrian.
Valendrian takes a moment to recognize Tev. "Ah. Sentevlan. I... should really be surprised. I am not surprised. What in Andraste's name happened to you?"
In the street outside, there is a human. His skin is dark, his beard impressive. He has a sword and a dagger crossed over his back, and an unreasonable number of belts on his torso. He's being led around by Valendrian.
Valendrian takes a moment to recognize Tev. "Ah. Sentevlan. I... should really be surprised. I am not surprised. What in Andraste's name happened to you?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I... don't know," he says. "Some man pretending to be a beggar grabbed me off the street, and I woke up in a... horrible room. There were mages... blood mages, sacrificing whole cages of us... and then this happened," he gestures at his altered body.
Valendrian's eyes widen in shock. "Blood mages? Sacrificing- Maker preserve us. I knew that some were missing, but... this is not good. Duncan, what can be done about this?"
Duncan sighs. "This is... troubling. But the Blight must take priority. I must go to Ostagar, but I will make sure the guards are informed of this and it is made clear that I expect results."
"The guards? Duncan, they would leave every elf in the city rotting in the streets but for the smell!"
"That may be true, old friend, but they know well enough to fear me. I will return from Ostagar in a few weeks, and if one elf has gone missing then the guards know there will be hell to pay. And I will tell Loghain of this; I know that I can trust him to defend the people of this realm."
Duncan sighs. "This is... troubling. But the Blight must take priority. I must go to Ostagar, but I will make sure the guards are informed of this and it is made clear that I expect results."
"The guards? Duncan, they would leave every elf in the city rotting in the streets but for the smell!"
"That may be true, old friend, but they know well enough to fear me. I will return from Ostagar in a few weeks, and if one elf has gone missing then the guards know there will be hell to pay. And I will tell Loghain of this; I know that I can trust him to defend the people of this realm."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Who are you?"
"I am Duncan, commander of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden," says Duncan, taking in Tev's appearance with the eye of a man who knows what he is looking for. "Currently recruiting potential Wardens to fight the impending Blight. And yourself?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Tev Rasna," he says. "...Can I join?"
"Son, you apparently just killed blood mages and trained mercenaries in a building full of demons and you don't have a scratch on you," Duncan says seriously. "If you didn't want to join, I would be forced to carry you to Ostagar myself. I can only thank you for making this easier on my back."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Yeah, I think I weigh about three times what I did this morning," Tev says agreeably. "All right. You have yourself a recruit."
Duncan grins and claps a hand on Tev's shoulder. "Excellent. What preparations do you want to make before heading out? Do you have a family or loved ones you want to say goodbye to?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
He shakes his head. "I could go get my change of clothes, but I don't think they fit me anymore. And I think the blood mages did something with my shoes. Do Grey Warden recruits get shoes?"
"Traditionally, yes. I believe shirts are included in the recruitment package as well. And perhaps a sword, unless you'd prefer to just bash your enemies with your priceless artifact."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I like my priceless artifact. But I'll take a sword if you'll teach me how to use it."
"I think we will, if only for appearances' sake. You can still mostly bash your opponents with the artifact."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev snorts.
"I've already been through the rest of the Alienage and haven't come up with any other potential recruits, so if you're ready to go then we can be on our way. Probably stopping in the market square for clothes and sword and... probably food, unless you're somehow not hungry after tripling in size."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Oh. Yeah," he says. "Now that you mention it, I am hungrier than usual."
"There's an excellent Orlesian place I've been missing lately, unless you've got some suggestion. Though we'd have to get you shoes and a shirt first, their policies are quite clear."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Shoes, shirt, food, sword," says Tev. "Sounds like a plan to me."
"Good, good. Valendrian, it's been wonderful to see you. I will have the captain on this blood mage issue, and Loghain will be informed as soon as I get to Ostagar. I'll see you again soon. In the meantime, dareth shiral, falon."
"Dareth shiral, lethallin." Valendrian turns to Tev. "I will mourn the deaths of our kinsmen, but you honor them by using the power you have been given to protect our world from the Blight. I am proud of you, Sentevlan. Dareth shiral, lenaan. May the Maker watch over you."
"Dareth shiral, lethallin." Valendrian turns to Tev. "I will mourn the deaths of our kinsmen, but you honor them by using the power you have been given to protect our world from the Blight. I am proud of you, Sentevlan. Dareth shiral, lenaan. May the Maker watch over you."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Thank you, Elder Valendrian," says Tev.
"Shall we be off, then?" Duncan asks.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev nods.
Duncan leads him into Market Square, and brings him into a store advertising vanilla scent "the finest selection of clothing this side of Orlais". In a whirl of measuring tape and cotton, Tev is provided with five travel-appropriate outfits that actually fit him, and two pairs of very sturdy (and moderately fashionable) boots. And fifteen pairs of socks. "It's in the mountains, extra socks are a good idea."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
This is more clothes than Tev has ever owned at once.
"Thank you," he says, very sincerely.
"Thank you," he says, very sincerely.
Duncan looks sad, for a moment, but the sparkle returns to his eye quickly enough that it may not have happened at all. "So! Orlesian food. Ever had it?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Don't think so."
"It's excellent, as long as you stay away from the snails. Lots of good seafood, and their bread alone is half worth the price of the meal. Which is saying something. Come along, I'll introduce you to the wonders of Orlais." He pauses. "Not those wonders. The food wonders."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Food wonders are good. Let's have the food wonders."
Duncan escorts Tev to a restaurant closer to the manor district than the merchants' district with a blue and gold sign above the door reading D'Orlais. Outside it stands a sneering, impeccably dressed man who is clearly and undefinably Orlesian.
He opens his mouth and becomes very definably Orlesian. "Do you 'ave resehvasions?"
"I have a standing reservation, because the owner of this establishment owes me his life."
The definably Orlesian maitre d' looks slightly agog. "I may 'ave to consult ze owner."
"You may."
He flees.
He opens his mouth and becomes very definably Orlesian. "Do you 'ave resehvasions?"
"I have a standing reservation, because the owner of this establishment owes me his life."
The definably Orlesian maitre d' looks slightly agog. "I may 'ave to consult ze owner."
"You may."
He flees.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
...This is a nice enough restaurant to make Tev slightly uncomfortable! Also he keeps almost hitting his head on things. Like that sign.
The very Orlesian maitre d' returns, followed by a very Fereldan man who envelops Duncan in a bear hug (careful of his swords). "Duncan! Come in! Who's this!" He looks at Tev. "Enormous elf! Come in! Bring your weird shield, it's very appropriate!"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
'Enormous elf'. Okay. He is pretty enormous, it's true. Smiling sheepishly, he follows them in.
The very Fereldan man leads them into a private dining room, where large amounts of food are brought out. (There are snails. Neither of the men consume the snails.)
"So! Shield elf! What's your story?"
"So! Shield elf! What's your story?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Uh... it's not a very good story," he says.
"Ah. Well, you're in good company there! Where'd you get your shield?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"From a... room full of very unhappy bears," he says. "It helped. With the bears. So I kept it."
"Unhappy bears."
The very Fereldan man, whose name may have been observed to be Bron, elects to continue chatting with Duncan rather than press Tev for more information.
The very Fereldan man, whose name may have been observed to be Bron, elects to continue chatting with Duncan rather than press Tev for more information.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev sighs with relief and focuses on the food.
The food is kind of amazing. Hell, if nobody else wants them, he will even try the snails. They are not the highlight of the occasion, but he's eaten worse things.
The food is kind of amazing. Hell, if nobody else wants them, he will even try the snails. They are not the highlight of the occasion, but he's eaten worse things.
Duncan continues to be ever so slightly cryptically sad when observing Tev's reactions to nice things.
Bron helpfully ignores this and talks at him endlessly!
Bron helpfully ignores this and talks at him endlessly!
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
And Tev has lots and lots of delicious food, not very many snails, and nobody asking him difficult questions. Life is pretty great.
After the meal, Duncan takes him to- well, Bron continues talking at him.
After Bron is done talking, Duncan takes- no.
After- Andraste's sagging tits, will this man ever stop talking.
After Bron is done talking, Duncan takes- no.
After- Andraste's sagging tits, will this man ever stop talking.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Apparently not.
Tev is sort of sad that there is no more food, but this is hilarious.
Tev is sort of sad that there is no more food, but this is hilarious.
Duncan manages to-
Duncan manages to extricate himself, and hustles Tev along very quickly to an armory. "Bron is an excellent man to have by your side in battle, much less excellent to have by your side when you're trying to leave a tavern. Or a four-star restaurant, as the case may be."
Duncan manages to extricate himself, and hustles Tev along very quickly to an armory. "Bron is an excellent man to have by your side in battle, much less excellent to have by your side when you're trying to leave a tavern. Or a four-star restaurant, as the case may be."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I noticed," says Tev.
They enter the armory. There are numerous weapons, and also armors! "So, is it a sword you want? And should we get you a suit of something or other?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I know nothing about any of this," says Tev. "Recommend me something and I'll listen."
Duncan hefts a sword demonstratively. "This is a sword. An old classic. Good at killing things without much fuss." He puts it down and picks up an axe. "Axe. Good for the burlier warrior. Use it to absolutely ruin some ogre's day." Finally, he grabs a mace. "Mace. Smash."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Sword, axe, mace. Sword, axe, mace. Tev eyes these three possibilities.
"Sword," he decides.
"Sword," he decides.
Duncan gravely hands him a longsword.
There is a longer sword behind him. It is unclear why he has given the smaller sword to Tev when there is such a large sword available.
There is a longer sword behind him. It is unclear why he has given the smaller sword to Tev when there is such a large sword available.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev looks between the longsword and the... longersword. He looks at Duncan. He tries to think of how to ask the question.
Duncan follow's Tev's gaze and raises an eyebrow. "Do you want the greatsword? You wouldn't be the first Warden to wield a hilariously oversized sword in one hand, Jahenna'd be thrilled to have a companion in the ancient and noble art of overkill."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I like the look of the greatsword," he says. "The longsword's all right too, but I don't know, it seems a little... small."
"Jahenna uses one as an off-hand companion to her overcompensation utensil. I'm sure you'll get along famously." He takes the greatsword off the wall and swaps it out for the apparently undersized weapon in Tev's hands.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
He snorts at 'overcompensation utensil'.
The greatsword is slightly awkward to lift one-handed, but Tev gets the hang of it pretty quickly.
The greatsword is slightly awkward to lift one-handed, but Tev gets the hang of it pretty quickly.
"We may want to lop a bit off the hilt," notes Duncan. "Actually, we might want to get it replaced entirely... hm. I'll see about getting one of Jahenna's old swords for you, they're all exquisitely balanced and perfectly constructed and all that. She's finicky about that kind of thing. But this'll do as a practice blade until then."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Okay," Tev says agreeably.
"Good, good. What kind of armor would you like? Lighter keeps you mobile but it won't protect you so well, heavy will keep stuff out but it's hell to maneuver in."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Lighter, then."
"We'll go with leather. Lightest available. Unless you'd rather just go without entirely, which may be an option given your preposterously magical shield."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I'll take leather armour."
"Sounds good." Duncan purchases a suit of leather armor and a greatsword, gets the smith to lop an appropriately sized bit off the pommel and put in a more appropriate pommelstone, and hands them over to Tev. "Congratulations. You are an appropriately outfitted Grey Warden recruit."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Thank you. I feel very appropriate."
"Excellent. You should. Is there anything else you'd like? Some crystal from Wonders of Thedas you stared at with your nose to the window as a child or something? There's not usually this much shopping, but we've come this far."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"No, that's fine. I've had enough shopping for one day."
"Well, I'm going to have to stop in at the Wonders to get more crystals of that horrible drink Jahenna likes so she doesn't bisect me for calling her back into service. After that, we can get on the road."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Sounds good to me."
After acquiring horrible drink crystals, they set out onto the road. Duncan is impressed with how quickly Tev learns to sword, and is perplexed but also pleased by how well he can murderously shield.
A few days in, they are stopped by a Band of Ruffians. Duncan rolls his eyes.
"You're sure you want to rob us."
"Yep! We outnumber you twenty to one, even a Warden can't kill twenty men at once."
"How willing are you to bet your life on that?"
"Just hand over your gold, old man!"
Duncan sighs. "Tev, what do you think?"
A few days in, they are stopped by a Band of Ruffians. Duncan rolls his eyes.
"You're sure you want to rob us."
"Yep! We outnumber you twenty to one, even a Warden can't kill twenty men at once."
"How willing are you to bet your life on that?"
"Just hand over your gold, old man!"
Duncan sighs. "Tev, what do you think?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"I'm pretty sure you could take 'em even without my help," says Tev.
"I was thinking the other way around." He turns back to the bandit leader. "You aren't, say, driven to this life by the indignities of society?"
"You could say that. You could also say that I enjoy taking people's money."
Duncan claps his hands. "There we go! Tev, I'm declaring this a training exercise. Feel free to subdue them nonlethally or more permanently, doesn't matter to me. I'll be sitting over here."
He sets himself down on a nearby rock, with the air of a man who could definitely kill any man who approaches him. The bandits turn to Tev.
"You could say that. You could also say that I enjoy taking people's money."
Duncan claps his hands. "There we go! Tev, I'm declaring this a training exercise. Feel free to subdue them nonlethally or more permanently, doesn't matter to me. I'll be sitting over here."
He sets himself down on a nearby rock, with the air of a man who could definitely kill any man who approaches him. The bandits turn to Tev.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"All right," says Tev. He reaches up over his back and retrieves his shield. He doesn't even touch the greatsword. "Any of you fine fellows want to reconsider your life of crime?"
There is a general shaking of heads. And knives.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Fine."
He hurls the shield at the bandit leader. It bounces off the man's chest, knocking him to the ground, and blurs back to Tev's hand.
"How about now?"
He hurls the shield at the bandit leader. It bounces off the man's chest, knocking him to the ground, and blurs back to Tev's hand.
"How about now?"
"Charge!" wheezes the bandits' leader.
The bandits charge.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev throws his shield again. It knocks down three charging bandits on his way back to his hand, and while it's out he draws his greatsword.
There are more bandits! They do not seem particularly intimidated by Tev's ability to knock them down.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Yeah, he was afraid of that.
How about his ability to cut them in half? Is that more intimidating? Because he can do that. He has a greatsword.
How about his ability to cut them in half? Is that more intimidating? Because he can do that. He has a greatsword.
More intimidating, but not sufficiently so to stop the charge. There really are a lot of them, and the more of them there are the more effective their knives will be. His attention can only be in so many places at once. And Grey Wardens are known to have a great deal of coin.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Fine.
On the next throw, he lets the shield be sharp.
It goes straight through the bandit on the far left, bounces off a rock - Tev cuts someone else in half with his greatsword - the shield takes off somebody's head and bounces off a tree - Tev kicks someone in the chest and knocks him to the ground - the shield comes through somebody's head and lands neatly on Tev's arm, where he immediately uses it to block a couple of knife-wielding bandits while he swings the greatsword at two more. No one has actually managed to touch him yet.
On the next throw, he lets the shield be sharp.
It goes straight through the bandit on the far left, bounces off a rock - Tev cuts someone else in half with his greatsword - the shield takes off somebody's head and bounces off a tree - Tev kicks someone in the chest and knocks him to the ground - the shield comes through somebody's head and lands neatly on Tev's arm, where he immediately uses it to block a couple of knife-wielding bandits while he swings the greatsword at two more. No one has actually managed to touch him yet.
Some of the bandits are scared now. They would like to be elsewhere.
The bandits' leader, however, has gotten up off the ground and appears to be more angry than anything else. He roars and charges Tev at top speed, brandishing a truly absurd battleaxe.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev blocks the axe with his shield, and is slightly surprised to feel the strength of the blow. He spins away and cuts down three bandits, two with the sword and one with the shield's edge, to clear his path a little so they don't distract him while he's dealing with the leader.
The leader is still roaring. Also, still swinging. He is good at both of those things.
Several of the bandits decide to be elsewhere, given that the terrifying shield man can stand up to a full-force swing from the leader. The rest keep a definite distance, except for one who decides to try to stab him in the back.
Several of the bandits decide to be elsewhere, given that the terrifying shield man can stand up to a full-force swing from the leader. The rest keep a definite distance, except for one who decides to try to stab him in the back.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Tev is too busy blocking another axe-blow to deal with the man who stabs him in the back. But being stabbed in the back doesn't seem to impair him much. It's like stabbing a very sturdy tree.
The man who has just stabbed him in the back is very alarmed by this! He joins the rapidly increasing number of bandits who are running away.
The leader is ever so slightly off balance while keying up for a massive swing intended to take Tev's head off.
The leader is ever so slightly off balance while keying up for a massive swing intended to take Tev's head off.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Then perhaps Tev can ruin the bandit leader's day by shield-bashing him in the face.
That does seem fairly likely to ruin his day! The bandit leader's face looks displeased by this development, for a value of "displeased" that includes "broken".
The bandit leader is pretty badly staggered. Berserk rage only goes so far.
The bandit leader is pretty badly staggered. Berserk rage only goes so far.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
Great. Okay. Tev is done fucking around. He cuts the man's head off.
Is anyone else going to fuck with him?
Is anyone else going to fuck with him?
The bandits seem disinclined to fuck with him! Duncan is applauding politely. "Excellent work! Well done, very well done."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Thanks."
"You get to decide what we do with the rest of the bandits, by the way. You can let them go, bring them to whatever village in chains, conscript them... whatever you like."
The bandits are somewhat dismayed, but remain disinclined to fuck with either Tev or Duncan.
The bandits are somewhat dismayed, but remain disinclined to fuck with either Tev or Duncan.
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"How about," says Tev, looking around, "I suggest they reconsider their life of crime?"
The bandits look at each other.
"Yep." "That sounds good." "I may join the Chantry."
"Yep." "That sounds good." "I may join the Chantry."
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Great. Now fuck off," says Tev. He makes a shooing gesture with his shield arm, the shield still on it.
The bandits scatter like cockroaches in the kitchen light.
Duncan applauds again. "Alright. To Ostagar?"
Duncan applauds again. "Alright. To Ostagar?"
Steven Grant Rogers
moreperfect
"Sounds good."