There is a quiet ruffling sound, a sudden darkness, and an iron-hard hand closes around her waist to snatch her off the ground.

She yelps in surprise, looks up, realizes what the fuck is going on, and starts assessing the scales to see if she could pry one off to make the dragon drop her.

The scales are beautiful, a vivid shimmering orange-red like some kind of solid embodiment of fire, and they have absolutely no give whatsoever. Also, in only a few wingbeats they have already ascended to a height where if she succeeded in getting dropped she would probably not like the result very much.

Fuck.

"Hey, what gives?" she demands.

"I'm kidnapping you. I do that sometimes," says the dragon, sounding amused.

"Why?"

"I'll give you a hint, I usually only kidnap pretty girls."

"How does that even work, anatomically speaking?"

Cheerfully: "Well, now, telling you would ruin the surprise."

"And what if I don't like surprises?"

"Then I guess you're out of luck."

"You know, people are into all kinds of things, I'm sure you could find someone who kinks on whatever you've got going on down there if you try hard and believe in yourself."

"Do you actually think that? Because I don't. If there's somebody out there who wants to fuck a dragon that badly, it's not like they don't know where I live."

"There's a difference between 'wants to fuck a dragon' and 'would perform the arduous physical activity of climbing a mountain to seek out a dragon who might want to fuck them but also might want to eat them'. Also it's hard to tell if you want to fuck a dragon when you don't even know what their genitals are like."

"Well, true enough. But how exactly are you proposing I find this person?"

"Well, you could put me back and let me advertise, I have resources with which to do this."

"Sounds like something a person trying to get un-kidnapped would say."

"I admit that I would prefer not to be kidnapped! But, uh, lying about this so as to get un-kidnapped sounds like a good way to get kidnapped again when I failed to make any progress, and 'kidnapped again later only now you're more pissed off' is not actually as much of an improvement as it might seem if you don't stop to think about it."

"If I put you down and you run away I actually don't have a convenient way to find you again," he says.

"I live in a fucking castle."

"...and you'd just sit in it and wait for me to come back?"

"Well, no, but 'where is Lady-such-and-such' is usually easier to find out than 'where is Random Peasant Chick You Have No Reason To Have Heard Of'."

"Not to me. If I stick around long enough to have a conversation anywhere in sight of more than ten people, they panic and start a riot. Or try to kill me, and when that doesn't work, panic and start a riot."

"It can't be that hard to find less than ten people, can it?"

"...are you serious?"

"It's a long story, I had a terrible mother, I know next to nothing about how the vast majority of people live that wasn't taken from, like, books."

"...that's a new one," he says, but he sounds much less irritated with this explanation available.

"Sorry. I know how to be a snotty noble at people in a way that's, you know, perfectly socially acceptable, but I'm not quite naive enough to think that would, uh, work at all with you, so."

Snort.

Sigh. "What in particular was I doing wrong?"

"—without knowing that you don't know anything about how most of the world works, you asking me how hard it can possibly be to find a group of less than ten people sounds like you just haven't bothered to take two seconds to think about what it actually means that I start riots if I go places."

"...Ah. Okay, that makes sense."

"Most people are less concerned than you about being polite to me when I kidnap them," he adds.

"The only thing scarier than a dragon that may or may not want to rape me to death with a dick bigger than I am is one that's pissed off at me."

...how about a dragon that's giggling helplessly? Because now she's got one of those. His grip on her doesn't waver a bit, neither loosing nor crushing, but his wings miss a beat and he levels out into a glide rather than try to keep flapping.

Well it's certainly better than one that's pissed off! Still kind of frightening, though.

By the time he recovers enough to start flapping again, they're almost at his mountain. He angles down, curves around a cliffside, lands on a balcony, and—

—shifts into the form of a human, tall, handsome, well-dressed, with black hair touched by subtle glints of fire-red.

"Surprise," he says, still snickering.

"Have you ever considered not being an asshole."

"Now where would be the fun in that?"

"It was fun to not say, 'don't worry, I can turn human and also hot' when I inquired about dragon anatomy?"

"Yes!"

Deadpan: "Aaaasssssshoooooollle."

He giggles some more.

"It was seriously frustrating! Like I am not even one of those people who categorically dislikes surprises but there is a time and a place."

So much giggling.

Sigh.

"Of the ways I could've played this, I really think this one isn't that bad!"

"Granted, although I will point out that that's not the highest bar ever to clear."

"Well. True."

"Not that I don't appreciate not being raped to death with a dick bigger than I am, you understand. I very much appreciate that and you should keep not doing it."

Giggle.

"...But honestly it kind of feels like you don't care how I feel about you like at all and in some ways wanting to cause me to suffer would be less--frustrating--than that. Not that it would be better on net, given your capacity to make me suffer, but my instincts are calibrated for actual humans."

"Strangely, I don't think I've been accused of not caring how somebody feels about me before! Maybe most people don't expect that from marauding dragons in the first place."

"Not the best way to put it, I guess." She shrugs.

"Anyway, I wouldn't say I don't care. You're really funny when you're disgruntled. And it's new and interesting and kind of charming that you're disgruntled instead of terrified out of your mind."

"Psht, like being terrified would help."

"Most people can't just decide not to be terrified even when it's definitely not helping!"

"My fight-or-flight response knows when it's not wanted."

He laughs again.

"Not that I didn't consider punching you for being an asshole, mind."

"Now that would be new and interesting."

"I decided I wasn't confident enough you wouldn't eviscerate me for it."

"Try it and see," he suggests whimsically.

"Enh, it can wait until the next time you piss me off, my heart wouldn't be in it right now."

"Well, fair enough."

"Although given your stated reason for bringing me here that probably won't take too long."

"And yet, here we are," he says, spreading his hands, "standing on my balcony with all our clothes still on."

"True. I, ah, wasn't assuming that was a stable state of affairs."

"True," he says. "Standing on my balcony forever would get boring after a while."

And he waves a hand at the huge stone doors set into the cliffside. They swing inward, easily wide enough to admit his dragon form, and behind them she can catch a glimpse of a cavernous hall with a vaulted ceiling and wide sweeping stairs. The decor is stunning. He walks inside without waiting to see if she'll follow.

She follows, after a brief stunned pause.

When he's standing at the railing of the balcony's indoor counterpart, looking down on the vast empty space lit by sunlight streaming in through cleverly thinned sections of cliff face, he glances back at her and smiles.

"D'you like my house? I built it myself."

"You are a stunningly talented asshole."

"Thank you!"

"Why do you have to be that pretty and that good at making pretty things, it's unfair."

"What's unfair about it?"

"How'm I supposed to stay mad at you?"

"Most people manage pretty well!"

"I assure you if you follow through on raping me I will get my mad back in a hurry."

"I could've guessed. But I don't think I'm going to do that."

"Good." She looks down at all of the everything and sighs happily. "This is gorgeous."

He beams at her.

"Ooh, you can do adorable as well as hot!"

"Now that is really not something I've heard before."

"And how many people have you smiled at like that?"

"...well, probably not none..."

"But the fact that you're not sure it isn't is communicative."

"Okay, yes."

"And, you know, if you had somehow smiled at me like that before resolving the confusion about how dragon-on-human rape even works, I bet I would have reacted differently."

"...?"

"That being a more extreme subset of 'before you decided not to rape me'. I would not be calling you adorable if I still thought you were very likely to rape me."

"Well, that might explain why I've never heard that one before."

Deadpan: "What a shock."

Snort.

"My books did not explicitly cover 'people are more likely to give you compliments when they are less afraid you will rape them' but I am smart so I figured it out anyway."

He giggles.

"You have a good giggle."

"You're just full of novel compliments!"

"Is that a challenge?"

"Well it is now."

"Hmmm..." She steps closer and inspects him. "Your hair curls nicely," she decides.

...he giggles again, and runs a hand through it. "Thanks."

"You're welcome! Oh, and you have a very nice smile."

"Is that separate from a nice giggle?"

"You have been known to smile without giggling."

"Fair enough."

Thoughtfully: "You're very tall." She brushes some relevant hair out of the way. "Your ears are nicely shaped."

...he smiles down at her. "You know, some people might be afraid to touch me, under the circumstances."

"Most people would probably not take you seriously when you said you weren't planning to rape them."

"At this point I'd be disappointed in myself if I did!"

"So why not touch you?"

"You might be afraid I'll change my mind. Or afraid I'll disappoint myself."

"Walking on eggshells around you sounds like no fun at all."

"I'm hardly about to argue."

"There we go, then."

He smiles at her.

It is the kind of smile that demands a response in kind. She beams back.

Aww!

"You have a pretty great smile yourself."

"Thank you!"

She giggles and impulsively hugs him.

—he freezes for a moment, then carefully hugs back.

"...You okay?"

"—surprised."

"People usually don't spontaneously hug other people even when the potential recipient isn't, uh, you," she agrees.

"It's a good surprise, though."

"I'm glad." More hug.

Yeah. That.

"Do you want to maybe find somewhere more comfortable to cuddle."

"—I—why—"

"...Why do I want to cuddle you or why do I want to find somewhere more comfortable?"

"Look I'm not saying people not wanting to hug you isn't a reasonable consequence of rape and kidnapping but on the other hand you're pretty and you have a nice giggle and having no non-rape human contact is fucking tragic."

He closes his eyes and hugs her more tightly.

Vertical snuggles it is.

Wow this is legitimately tragic.

She is not going to stop cuddling him unprompted for the forseeable future.

It's a few minutes before he says: "—right, somewhere more comfortable—" and scoops her into his arms and starts carrying her along the gorgeous stone walkway.

She makes a startled squeaking noise and then giggles delightedly at the scooping.

He smiles at her like she's the most amazing thing he's ever seen.

Awww. She reaches up to cup a cheek in one hand.

Somehow he manages to successfully navigate the stairs without ever taking his eyes off her. He carries her into a little room, with the same cleverly constructed windows as the main front hall, the stone of the cliff face hollowed out so thin it admits light while looking perfectly solid from the outside; but this room also has a comfortable couch, and he sits down and holds her in his lap and wraps his arms around her and closes his eyes.

He's so sweet when he's not being an asshole. She cuddles him back contentedly.

Snuggles. All the snuggles. Every single snuggle.

Sooooo many cozy snuggles. She sighs contentedly.

"...you don't... have any reason to care," he mumbles into her hair.

"Well. I don't need a reason."

"...okay."

Hug.

That look on his face!!! So much hug!!!

He holds her close and tentatively pets her hair.

Ooh yes hairpets excellent, that will earn him another happy sigh.

Pet pet pet.

Mmm good cozy cuddle.

"You're so warm."

"I'm a dragon." Pet pet.

"Mhm. It's so cozy." Snuggle.

He grins and cuddles her some more.

Mmmm pretty warm cuddle dragon.

If they keep snuggling for long enough she might actually fall asleep on him, the adrenaline crash from getting kidnapped by a dragon is no small thing.

He does in fact keep holding her that long.

Then he will be holding a sleepily cuddled Kala instead of a wakefully cuddled one.

This is - good. He thinks. He's pretty sure it's good. Wait why is he crying.

Kala sleeps through the crying, still unconsciously snuggling closer. She shifts a little bit if any tears land on her but doesn't wake until several hours later.

"...Mn?"

He has stopped crying by then but still kind of looks like someone who has been crying recently.

"...Hey. You alright?"

...yeah, he has no idea how to answer that question.

Okay then she will just. Snuggle him some more.

Good plan.

After another little while she asks "So not that cuddling you isn't super awesome, but, uh, do you have a bathroom anywhere?"

...he laughs. "Yeah."

Directions to a bathroom!

She kisses him on the cheek and then darts off.

He curls up on his comfy couch and wonders what the fuck has happened to his life.

She is back a few minutes later.

"I suppose I'm not surprised the bathrooms are as fancy as everything else."

"What would be the point of making them any less fancy?"

"They're bathrooms? I dunno."

"I've had a long time to make things fancy!"

"True." She sits down on the couch and pets his hair.

He leans on her, and ends up curling up with his head in her lap.

Aww. Pet pet.

Snuggle.

(His hair is very soft.)

"New novel compliment: you are extremely pettable."

He beams up at her.

Ee! She beams back down at him.

She bends down and kisses him on the forehead.

"Best kidnapping ever."

He giggles.

"Do you have books?"

"Not a lot of 'em. I don't steal much."

"Makes sense."

Cuddle.

"How much stuff can you carry?"

"...why?"

"Because my life was super boring and I was pretty much useless before you kidnapped me, so, like, if we went back and stole my library, being here would probably be an unambiguous improvement?"

"...I can carry a lot of stuff," he says. "Will your library keep for a week or two? If I go out too often people panic."

"Libraries are conveniently nonperishable."

Giggle.

Affectionate snuggle.

Eeee.

"You are so cute," she sighs happily, "and huggable"

"I have no idea how this happened but I like it!"

"Yeah, that's about how I'm feeling," she says. "I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm a very tactile person? But I don't know."

Snuggle.

Snuggle.

"Noble girls aren't allowed to hug random people, mostly, it isn't 'proper'. This is better."

"It's been a long time since there was something I wasn't allowed to do."

"I'm not going to pretend I'm thrilled about that when it involves rape but hugging you is really nice, so."

"...?"

"...So overall I'm not complaining about it?"

...he seems to be having trouble articulating his confusion.

"...In general kidnapping is bad, but I'm very glad you kidnapped me, and I'm not selfless enough for that to weigh out to your kidnapping people being bad overall."

He spends another minute struggling with words, and then:

"When you say you can't pretend to be thrilled about that, what 'that' do you mean?"

"...You not being not allowed to do things? I mean. It's great, not being not allowed to do things, but rape is bad."

...and we're back to the inarticulable confusion.

She has no ideas for how to improve this situation. She does have snuggles, however.

Sure. Snuggles. Snuggles are good.

"I don't know what about this is confusing but it's not urgent to figure out or anything." Cuddle.

"It... doesn't make sense?" he says. "Like, I know that you don't like that I rape people sometimes, that's not a surprise, but... it seems like it came up more because it's almost the only thing you know about me than because it has anything to do with what I was talking about?"

"...Rape is normally a thing people are not allowed to do."

"...when there were things I wasn't allowed to do I still did them."

"Ah. That's not exactly surprising but it wasn't quite obvious." Snuggle. "...Who disallows a dragon from doing things?"

"Oh, we all start out human, we creatures of legend."

"Really?"

"Yes. We're ordinary people all the time we're growing up, the same as any other, and then when we're just shy of twenty we take a fever and die in our sleep, and half a century later return to the world in our new forms. You don't hear about it because there are so few of us, and the old life can seem like an odd dream at first, and many of us don't want to be reminded."

"Oh." So much hug.

"I'm thousands of years old; it was all a long time ago for me."

"Should I--not ask about it?"

Shrug.

"I just--if it was thousands of years ago I'm not sure to what extent it makes sense to ask who you were back then."

"Well. Younger," he says. "And kind of fucked up."

"...Younger is definitely different."

"...if you're asking me this so you have an excuse to insult me, I can stop talking."

"No, I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention."

"No?"

"I genuinely wanted to know more things about you and then I fucked up."

He sighs. He snuggles her. "All right."

Snuggle. "I'm sorry.

I--it--you seem very lonely. And I want you to not have to be."

Snuggle.

Snuggles and a contrite cheek-kiss.

He curls up and puts his head in her lap again. Flomp.

She pets his hair some more.

Hairpets work out fine even if nothing else seems to.

...Yeah.

"I really am sorry," she says softly. Pet pet pet.

Sigh. "I believe you."

"Okay." Pet pet pet. So many pets.

Pets are good. His hair is very soft. The faint glimmers of red in the black shift when it moves.

Soooo many pets.

"I didn't mean it," she says eventually. "It was just--variations on a theme by 'Kala doesn't approve of rape,' plus a little--wishing you didn't have to be so lonely. I should have been more careful."

"I have noticed that you don't approve of rape," he says, a little irritably. "You needn't worry that I'll go around thinking I'm a good person if you don't say anything. I am not good and I hold no illusions to the contrary. But you can't compare me disfavourably to an alternative when you don't know what the other option is. The man you're asking for when you say you can't be happy about my freedom, the man you're talking about when you tell me I'm just as fucked up as I used to be, is a nineteen-year-old prince to whom power is a drug and mercy a sin. If I was still that person I wouldn't give a shit how many riots I started. If I was still that person I'd burn down cities for the hell of it."

"That's not what I meant," she repeats softly, sounding like she is Very Firmly Not Crying. "I--it was supposed to be a lighthearted thing, that's all--but it wasn't funny and I--I was trying to help and I hurt you instead--I'm trying to think of something stronger to say than 'I'm sorry' that doesn't imply that the problem is that I'm feeling bad and need to be forgiven--"

He sits up and hugs her.

She buries her face in the side of his neck and trembles slightly.

He holds her and pets her hair.

"It's not - you're not - that's not not a problem," he says. "You're a person, just as much as I am, your pain is just as real as mine. And if you think hurting someone once means you never deserve comfort again then I can't imagine what the fuck you think you're doing here. You'd have to live for centuries just to have time to be as awful as me."

"--People expect you to hurt them, it's not the same thing as offering comfort and producing the opposite."

"You clearly didn't do it on purpose."

"...Yeah."

She starts crying.

He wraps his arms around her and leans his cheek on the top of her head.

She keeps crying for a while and then rests silently in his arms until her stomach decides to complain about this whole business.

...he snuggles her, and there's a flicker of red light in his hand, and the light solidifies into a bright green apple, which he hands to her.

She smiles slightly and eats the apple with one hand while still snuggling him with the other arm.

A smile!!

She smiles more when she sees him smiling!

Snuggly smile feedback loop!!!

This is good. This is a good thing. Pet pet.

Mm pets are so good. She leans back slightly into his hand and sighs happily.

Pet pet pet pet pet. She is good and soft and she smiles.

She does smile! Especially when he is petting her. Pets are so good. Snuggles are so good.

She is so good.

She is so happy he thinks so.

Snuggle snuggle snuggle.

Snuggle. "Best kidnapping ever."

He laughs. "You know, I think I agree."

"Good," she says, kissing him on the cheek.

He hugs her and nuzzles her hair.

Mm nuzzles. She makes a small happy sound.

What a good sound!!

She looks up at him, cheeks lightly flushed.

"I--guess I'm done not being allowed to do things, too."

"Yes, I do believe you are."

She kisses him.

...he kisses back.

Oh gosh kisses are so good.

Yes they are.

She makes another happy noise and presses closer.

Better and better.

She has--no idea where to go from there, actually, but she will be delighted to sit in his lap and kiss him and make periodic noises for quite some time.

It's a pretty good time. Mmmm, snuggly kisses.

Snuggly kisses! Eventually her mortal form requires sustenance again.

Well then he can hold her in his lap and feed her things.

Mm yes good. How does he feel about light finger-nipping?

He feels like it is adorable!

Excellent.

When she is done eating he kisses her again.

This will result in positive noises and her winding her arms around his neck!

Oh, lovely.

He pauses to take off his shirt.

She is on board with this plan. Ooh, shirtless surfaces.

There are plenty of those available!

Excellent.

She pauses to consider for a moment, then starts unlacing her bodice.

He grins at her.

Oh no that is too good a grin she must temporarily abandon her unlacing to kiss it.

Giggle. Kiss.

Hm what if she tries unlacing while kissing him okay that is slower but doable.

Mmm yes good.

And then her entire gratuitously complicated dress basically falls apart.

Well that looks like a good opportunity to start touching some newly revealed surfaces.

This will produce so many noises. And inhibit her ability to do things that are not "make noises" and "squirm."

Ooh.

"Oh I had no idea this would feel so good," she whines.

He kisses her again.

Okay, "kiss him" is a third thing she currently has the ability to do.

She's so lovely and kissable. And she has such lovely surfaces.

She is sooooooo glad he has these opinions.

Well, he is so glad she has these surfaces.

She has so many surfaces! They are all very soft!

And pettable! And kissable, that too.

Oh? Did he want more, louder noises?

He did! He did want that!

Well he has successfully achieved that!

Clearly the best response here is to kiss more things.

How does he feel about screaming?

Ooh. He likes screaming. He likes it ever so.

And then there are less sounds because she has to catch her breath.

Mm. Snuggle.

So much snuggle!!!

"That was amazing," she breathes happily into his shoulder.

He pets her and smiles into her hair. "Mmmm. You're lovely."

"I'm glad."

Snuggle.

Happy boneless nuzzly snuggle.

So cozy!!!

So cozy!!!

"Not having to worry about not being allowed to do things is the best."

He giggles and kisses her forehead. "Isn't it just?" he agrees.

"Yes. You are smart," she says, and kisses him.

Kiss!

"Mmm. I'm so glad I picked you."

"Me too." Kiss.

Mmmmmkiss.

Snuggly kisses.

Yes. Those.

Snuggly kisses and oooh yes he's still shirtless maybe her hands can wander some. Those sure are some compelling surfaces.

He approves of her wandering hands! He approves so much!

Good.

Yes!

Best dragon.

Yes, well, best human. So there.

She is soooo glad he thinks so. Have some more snuggles. And so on.

They are so happy and cozy. It's so good.

It iiiiiiis.

"You're so lovely," she sighs happily.

"Well, so're you."

"I'm glad." Snuggle. "So how big is this place, anyway?"

"Very! Want to see?"

"I'd love to!"

So he scoops her up and carries her off through his beautiful mountain lair.

It's... really big.

All the main passageways are designed at a dual scale, with comfortably human-sized stairs and balconies in a comfortably dragon-sized space. They are also all gorgeous. The enormous front hall has several equally enormous siblings deeper inside the mountain, in assorted shapes and architectural styles.

The room he eventually brings her to has a waterfall in it, a clear sheet of water pouring down from near the ceiling into a trough in the floor, lit by floating spirals of sparkling magelights.

"Amazing," she breathes.

He beams.

"Everything is so beautiful!"

"You should see the sky room—"

There is a balcony with a gorgeous view of the waterfall, and a sitting room behind a set of lovely double doors on the balcony, and a bedroom attached to the sitting room, round with a beautiful landscape panorama depicted on the walls in inlaid stone and a domed ceiling like a cloudy sky topped by a magelight sun.

She beams and throws her arms around his neck and kisses him.

He giggles and kisses back. "Mm, I haven't even shown you the fancy part yet!"

"Ooh!"

He sets her down on the bed.

There's a little post next to the bed with a switch on top, a little clock-hand capable of turning between three different positions. He turns it from 'sun' to 'moon', and the light at the top of the dome changes colour and brightness appropriately; from 'moon' to 'stars', and the light goes out, replaced by a scatter of tiny glowing dots all over the ceiling.

(The landscape and the positions of the stars are accurate to the view from the top of the mountain.)

She gasps.

He sits down next to her and pets her hair.

She snuggles him delightedly.

Cozy snuggles!!

"There's a garden, too," he says, "if you go downstairs and follow the river."

"Ooh! I will do that at some point." For now she will snuggle him.

What a good thing for her to be doing.

It makes him so happy this is the best thing.

Cozy!!! Good!!!

Mmm both of these things. "Everything here's so pretty," she mumbles into his shoulder.

"I've had a while to work on it, I'd be disappointed in myself if it wasn't!" Snuggle.

Snuggle. "Did you tweak your human form to be prettier?"

"This is just what I ended up with the first time I turned back."

"So I guess not every pretty thing here is directly your fault." Noseboop.

Giggle.

"Your hair is really great," she says contentedly, running her fingers through it.

"Well, that's another one I've never heard before."

"It is soft and has red flickers!"

He grins at her.

She kisses him.

Mm. Kisses.

Lovely soft cozy kisses.

So lovely and soft and cozy and aaaaaaaaaaaaa.

And he is still shirtless, which definitely affects the array of kissable locations.

Ooh. Kala investigating kissable locations is still very good but in a much less frighteningly intense way.

Good, because he has so many kissable locations and Kala is interested in thorough cartography.

He is so enthusiastically in favour of this plan.

He's still wearing pants, does he want to keep doing that or no?

If she's asking, no, he absolutely does not want to keep doing that.

Mmmm. She definitely appreciates the view.