And then somebody knocks on the office door. Not a polite little tap, either - it shifts visibly with each impact, one two three.

Bella flinches.

"I beg your pardon?" says Mr. Embries, blinking in a way that might feasibly be called polite.

"I don't suppose you'd favor me with the details," says Embries with intense dryness. "There is nothing remarkable about her; I did check."

What is going on what is going on what the fuck is going on, Bella does not say.

"...What pray tell are your terms," inquires Embries, "as regards interference? She has seen and heard several pieces of information... and is here because of her propensity to gossip."

"Yeah?" The coach looks mildly intrigued. "What's she got her nose into?"

"Never mind that. A minor oversight about the availability of trivial information," says Embries. "One which I intend to correct. If you want me to... relax my standards... for part of the correction, I will need to know that the consequences will not outweigh the benefits of your proposal, don't you agree?"

Bella's eyes are so wide that they are threatening to fall out of her head, but she nods once briskly.

"That's hardly my typical standard for guaranteeing silence," hems Embries, peering at Bella out of the corner of his eye.

"Your typical standard won't be necessary," says Callahan. "Of course, I could always take my goodies and go home..." She flashes teeth again.

"Must you?" says Embries in a tone that might be plaintive were it not for absolutely everything about this situation. "What in the world do you want with her that will be interfered with by the exertion of will?"

"That," says Callahan, "is for me to know, and you to guess ineffectually at until my little caterpillar spins a cuddly little cocoon and liquefies herself to emerge as a pretty little butterfly."

Embries considers Callahan, and side-eyes Bella, for a series of moments, and then he says, "What are you offering, then?"

"The usual," she says. "I still have six left, after all, and what else am I gonna use them for? In exchange for your word that you won't interfere with Princess here, or with another student whose name I'll give you in the unlikely event that it comes up."

"You want two of these noninterference guarantees? But I meant a name, I want a name."

"Of course," she says. "Right after you swear to the same thing you swore before I told you Zanita's."

"I recognize," Embries grinds out, "your claim to this unspecified hoard, and will not act to take it until you sign it over."

"Adarast," she enunciates. "Also known as Darsinus."

Bella squeaks.

"I would need to know who it was," says Embries delicately, "in order to make any such agreement in good faith."

Bella slooowly gets to her feet, eyes on both of the terrifying occupants of the room.

"He's registered under 'Celosia'," says Callahan. "You might not have heard of him."

Bella is so fucking confused.

Embries waves a hand. "Given the hoard, yes, fine."

"Oh goody," Callahan says brightly. "I'm so glad we agree. Scram, kid, the grown-ups are talking."

Celo is in their dorm kitchen, making souffle!

"Hi!" says Celo. "You look... slightly traumatized, what's up?"

"I cannot even begin to tell you," says Bella, "how confused I am about what is up."

"Okay," he says. The souffle goes in the oven. Celo goes to the table. He sits across from her. "Wanna talk about it anyway, or no?"

"...Which explains a lot all by itself," he says, "but not everything."

"She seemed to know who I was."

"...Okay," says Celo. "Like, how?"

"Somebody was - I don't really want to get into the details of that part, but," (she didn't say Bella couldn't talk about her, did she?) "she showed up to - I guess defend me, but she was saying bizarre things, like she thinks she bought me and I'll lose resale value if scratched."

"That is worrying," says Celo. "And confusing. And worrying. I'm worried."

"So am I. And you came up in conversation too, like she thinks she also bought you and wanted you similarly scratchproof."

"Ooookay," says Celo. "And I'm guessing she intimidated you into not saying anything about who might have been threatening you with what?"

Bella shifts in her chair. Celo might choose to interpret this as confirmation.

"She's good at intimidating," Celo says fondly.

Bella shivers.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly.

"I have no idea what was going on, and I'm scared."

"Well," he says, "I can hug you, and in a little while I can feed you chocolate souffle. Will those help?"

"My overall state, probably some. The actual thing that is going on, probably not."

"You never know," he laughs, getting up and coming over to her side of the table. "It's really good souffle."

"Heh." She hugs him.

"Does she eat people?" asks Bella, blinking.

"Only metaphorically," he snorts. "As far as I know."

"I didn't especially have an impression that she was out to hurt me, anyway. I don't know what the hell she does want with me and I wouldn't want to take my chances trying to find out, but I don't think she plans to eat me."

"Well, that's slightly reassuring," says Celo, still hugging her. "Slightly."

"Slightly," agrees Bella.

"Do you think she'd tell you?"

"I think she'll hit me, but she usually does. She might tell me what's going on, if she feels like it."

"...If you opted to ask her I'd like to hear what she said."

"Okay," he says. "If I ask her, I'll tell you."

"Thanks."

"No problem," he says cheerfully. "She doesn't scare me."

"...Why not?"

"We have an understanding," he says. "I don't mean like we've worked out a treaty, I mean I get her and she gets me and we know how to get along. You know? She's scary, but not in ways I'm scared of."

"Do you doubt that she could kill you, or is that just not a thing you're scared of?"

"She could find my garden, burn it, and salt the earth so nothing could grow there again," he says with a casual shrug. "And that's not something I'm scared of, and I don't think she cares enough about actually ending my life to do it."

"She cares about something having to do with you. A lot."

He shrugs. "I might be her favourite student," he says. "It's hard to tell."

"I don't think that can be it."

Bella nods. "Thanks."

"That's the highlight. There's still classes and so on. Also for some reason word seems to have gone around to the nonhuman students that I'm a good person to ask about human customs."

He laughs. "How'd that happen?"

"I really don't know. I mean, maybe it started when Jala asked me about some stuff? I'm not sure why she'd have told everyone and their pen pal about it, though."

"Maybe somebody overheard?"

"Maybe. I don't mind answering the questions, although some of them are kind of awkward."

He snorts. "Like what? Or would it be awkward to tell me?"

"The other day some elf had a question about the human sex drive," says Bella dryly.

Celo cracks up.

"Yeah, so that was fun. I actually managed to avoid having to say anything too embarrassing."

"Good for you," he giggles. "Yeah, I'll just bet an elf finding out for the first time how much sex humans don't have would be super confused."

"How come you aren't just constantly hanging out at Treehome?"

"Well, right now I'm steering clear because a bunch of elves want to cut my dick off," he snorts, "but before that - I only go to Treehome when I feel like taking a weekend to do nothing but get nailed by any elf guy who wants some. Because if I wanted them to stop, I'd pretty much have to fight my way out."

"...Oh."

"...Did you not know that about elves? You should know that about elves," says Celo. "I mean, you must've already figured out that the elves who stay in Treehome are mostly bad news, but it's not just the kind of stuff they're after you for - they also pretty much think that the natural order of things is getting to fuck anyone who can't fight you off. They cool that shit way down outside Treehome, but on their turf it's a free-for-all. Not even just because I'm a nymph."

"I'll go on giving the place an exceedingly wide berth, then. I pretty much know - although you've helped expand my knowledge on the topic - which species are dangerous to be around; there are enough of them that I don't always learn about the details of the hazards beyond 'could and might choose to make life unpleasant or brief'."

"Yeah," laughs Celo. "Okay."

"Why do such an overwhelming majority of elves opt to live in Treehome, if it's that unpleasant? Only about half of them can be better than average fighters."

"Well, there's complicated political shit, too," he says. "My best guess is - the ones who get to lord it over everybody else have fun with that, and the ones who don't aren't admitting to themselves that they'd be better off out here. They also think other species are basically trash, so maybe to them being somebody's court ass-muncher in Treehome is still a better deal than living out here."

Bella snorts. "Is there," she wonders, "an elf with a reputation like mine, but for elves?"

"You kidding? No," says Celo.

"Well, let me know if you hear of one existing," she shrugs.

"Sure," he snorts.

"It is delicious," beams Celo. Mmm nom nom.

Time passes. Bella continues to avoid a) elves b) Coach Sadist c) Embries d) swimming with mermaids.

"Did anything come of it?"

"Basically no. She was really cryptic and weird. But the way she talks about you - I'd almost say there's some kind of prophecy involved, the way she's so weirdly sure that you're about to do something really interesting."

"Why would I do anything interesting?" Bella asks, throwing up her hands. "People who do anything interesting have appalling death rates. I'm going to finish school and join some mental healing practice in some city and make a lot of money and give large amounts to charity, that's not interesting."

"Beats me," says Celo. "I told her you didn't seem like the type and she just giggled."

"What about you, why did you come up in almost the same breath?"

"She won't tell me," he says. "I could guess, but I bet you wouldn't like the guess."

"What's your guess?"

"I'm going to assume you're wrong, because this entire thing is bizarre and I don't think you have any plausible mechanism by which to be right; how would thinking about your guess harm me?"

"Hubristic tendencies."

"They're under control."

"Why do you think she thinks that?"

"...Because I know her," he says, "and it's just the most obvious thing."

"My hubristic tendencies," says Bella, "don't extend that far. I am a defensively oriented subtle artist, not any sort of adventurer."

Celo shrugs. "So she's wrong. That does happen."

"Is she going to take it out on me - or you, for that matter - when that occurs to her?"

"Nah. Not her style."

"That's reassuring. To an extent, anyway. Do you have hubristic tendencies?"

"I don't think they call it hubris when you're technically a divine being," he snorts.

"Maybe not. But you know what I mean."

"Okay then. Your coach is weird and scary."

"Yep!" he agrees.