It is pretty and trim and green-and-cream and really ought not to be able to hold itself up like that, and yet here it is, somehow defying the laws of architecture. It is surrounded by a neatly bordered garden of ornamental and useful plants of all sorts: here vegetables, there herbs, there spell components, there rows of flowers.
There is a sign out front. It says only: Magic. Not, Beware, Magic or Magic Emporium or anything like that. Just: Magic.
Sitting on top of this sign is a cream cat with smoke-dark points of color on each paw, his ears, and his face and tail.
All in all, you could be forgiven for thinking that a witch lives here.
The owners of the voices appear a moment later. The one in front is wearing a close-fitting and well-articulated set of plate armour, with a plain-hilted sword belted around her waist; the one behind is wearing a very durable-looking red dress with short sleeves and a skirt to mid-calf, which displays her extremely practical and extremely attractive red leather boots to great effect, and carrying a massive pack on her back.
Presently, the entirety of the door opens, revealing a woman about the same age as the twins with brown hair a bit past her shoulders, curious brown eyes, and a slightly bewildering outfit. She has witch robes on, in traditional black - but they are worn open to reveal an outfit of blue leggings and a white tunic, and a wide variety of accessories, including seasonally inappropriate lace-up moccasins, a belt covered with pouches, and a necklace that features as its centerpiece a glass marble. "Hello there!" says this person. "Cricket says you're Sherlock and Tony; ought I be addressing you as Your Highnesses?"
Sip.
"You've come a long way. What are you looking for, and have you already tried asking a squirrel for directions?"
"Husbands, husbands," says Maybe-a-witch, tapping her chin. "I don't think I have a window that will do husbands. Not my area. I have one that will do lost tailors and tinkers and merchants' sons and the like? Generally I just find them and see if I can help them find what they're looking for and get home without incident, but I bet several of them would be the sort to be pleasantly surprised by eligible princesses, if you're so inclined."
"How do you know? Perhaps I am intimidated by princessitude and want you to think highly of me. Perhaps I'm a romantic of some sort and would be completely worthless to you if you were in search of the Spring of Crystal. Perhaps I am bored and you present a diversion," she says.
"All right then," she laughs. Her oven opens itself, and she gets up to don oven mitts and remove a sheet of biscuits therefrom. "Here we are." She puts one on each of three plates, cuts them in half, and dollops butter on each half. "What are you looking for in a husband or husbands, anyway?"
"Admirable criteria. I'm not sure how much my lost-people window will help, unless you're planning to stay in this general area for some weeks. They are not that frequent, and when they appear, they are sometimes short on sense. Also, about half of them are female. No comment on whether they'd look good in crowns. I suspect it might depend on the crown."
And she turns to Tony. "Yes," she says gravely. "I do indeed have sense."
"...Not to speak to the likelihood of such an event," says Sherlock, "but technically the need to find a suitable future monarch-consort and the need to find someone to create suitable future monarchs with are separate items that could be dealt with separately. And there are two of us."
"And can I wear my funky magic-seeing glasses while I look?" she says. She leans over and opens a drawer and gets them out; they're black metal and multicolored lenses that can drop down in front of the wearer's eyes in arbitrary combinations. "Some big enchantments are shy and don't like it when I do that."
Maybe she is not a witch.
"Excellent! Let's see, it'll probably take four days to get there, longer if I bring Cricket, but it's possible I can get a ride from Kexan and then it's down to hours, but Kexan won't have the patience to watch me stare at it for hours so I'll still have to plan to hike back..." She puts her spectacles back in their drawer, closes the drawer, opens it to reveal not spectacles but a stack of notebooks and a heap of pens, and starts writing.
"Well, he needs them hot, and it may not be convenient for him to come over for the next day or two, so you could help me with some of the prep work if you'd like to, but the finished pancakes themselves just sort of get continuously tossed into his mouth over a three-hour period as they come off the griddle, and none of this is relevant to your quest so I wouldn't expect you to still be here."
"What party are you calling, please?"
"Kexan."
"One moment, please." The mirror plays soft music and Not-witch goes to survey her pancake ingredients. She picks up a paring knife and an apple and tells the knife, "Peel, core, slice, neatly, then move on to the next, repeat four times," and then she starts scooping large amounts of flour into her giant mixing bowl. "Do you want to chop up the chocolate or something?" she asks Sherlock.
"The other party has not yet come to his or her mirror. Please wait."
"Hmm."
"The other party has not left a message."
"Hmm." She snaps her fingers. "Oh, I remember! Kexan's visiting his uncle, all week. I wrote that down but I didn't think to check my notes. Drat." She flicks the paring knife; it finishes apple number two and then sets itself down.
"Yes, sorry." Notwitch starts snapping her fingers imperiously at all the implements, and they put themselves away. The still-dry pancake mix finds itself a lid and tucks itself into a cupboard. "It looks like it's a hiking trip after all. Will Her Majesty also not let me look at the Skyvault if I arrive not-on-a-dragon?"
"Well," says Notwitch. "It doesn't give you a complete rundown of everything you want - just the most indispensable heartfelt desire. Which is another reason it's not that practically useful. But since you're curious - I got a picture of me sitting in my study, with Cricket on my lap and a book in my hands - and the calendar displaying a date some nine thousand years in the future."
"Mrrrow!"
"I love you too, Cricket."
"Mow."
"All right, you stay vigilant about that gnome infestation, I'll be back in just over a week, you know how to get into the emergency kitty nibbles if you run out of mice and minnows." She scratches the back of Cricket's neck and he purrs at her, and she goes bustling around her house, disappearing things into her sleeves.
"Well," says the magic person, "there are degrees of not being a witch; how not-a-witch and what not-a-sleeve do you have in mind?" She packs a sack of oranges and then reopens that cabinet and takes some sampling jars. She also retrieves her spectacles, but these she puts in a pointed black hat she produces, rather than in either sleeve. "Hats are easy. Bags are doable. I could probably figure out how to do a wooden box, but it would be hard."
"What manner of not-witch are you? I know fire-witchery runs a little in the royal family, but you're not redheads, so you've probably only got a faint talent for it if any. Fire-witch, even a little bit of one, is easier to work with than completely nonmagical, though." She reaches into her hat, puts on her spectacles, flicks the lenses around, and peers at Tony.
She does indeed have some fire-witch going on, and she is also a member of the royal family of the Enchanted Forest. Those are definitely both true.
When they are all outside, magic person snaps her fingers and says sternly to the doorknob, "Broom salesmen are not your friends, they cannot come in for just a minute, you will stay closed till I am back."
The doorknob wiggles a little in what might be an acknowledging fashion. Magic person pats it and sets out through the path that leads between her herbs and her vegetables.
"Huh. You'd have to be extraordinarily good at noticing things to avoid running into anyone in a week's walk through the forest. And that's if the forest didn't decide to throw anybody at you a bit more forcefully than usual. If you were feeling so antisocial how come you came up to my house?"
Bella laughs. "Most people can go on thinking I'm a witch for a long time. Sorceress stuff isn't widely recognized, I have to adapt anything from fire-witches or elves or unicorns till it's unrecognizable, nobody expects a girl to use wizard magic in any form, and everybody uses a dragon spell or two. A witch could do most everything that's left over, and I do dress like one."
"Oh dear," says Bella. She starts rummaging in her sleeves. "I do not actually have anything on me to counter a wizard if he decides to be unfriendly - I don't expect them in the forest - I might be able to talk my way past him if you'd rather not get into a fight, though."
Meanwhile, Bella is wondering aloud to Tony: "Should we catch up with her and see if she needs help?"
"You're welcome," says Bella cheerfully, letting Sherlock's hand go with a pat and blowing herbal ashes from her glass plate before she tucks it into her sleeve again. "Lucky thing I have so many healing trigger-spells set up. Comes of wanting to be immortal." She goes up to the staff cautiously, puts her spectacles on, and starts peering at it through various lenses in search of traps to disarm or work around.
"Hang onto it until I got home, and then study it!" says Bella cheerfully. "There's no good way for non-wizards to learn about wizard spells, but the best way is to take apart the staffs and see what's in them. The next best way is to marry a wizard and pretend to be deaf so he'll talk to his friends in front of you, and some fine books on wizard magic have been produced that way, but I do not care for the methodology."
She wears her spectacles the entire time, flicking occasionally between lenses, and performs an eclectic series of procedures, occasionally swearing at the staff under her breath. At one point she produces what looks like a piece of another wizard staff and waves it in a detailed pattern through the air. Something that makes her sneeze convulsively is involved a bit later on.
Finally, about two hours later, she whips out a few yards of red cloth, wraps the wizard staff in it, and stuffs it lengthwise into her right sleeve. "All right!"
"I do wonder what he was doing there. We haven't been walking long enough to get out of range of my usual haunts even considering that I don't have a magic carpet yet, and I've never seen a wizard around this close to my house. Occasionally near where my mother lives, one time where my father lives, but never here."
"Dwarf spells are like elf ones - friendlier if you're in the family or some sort of tempermentally inclined but theoretically usable for anyone," says Bella. "I go ahead and wrestle with a dwarf spell whenever I want to work on something metal, but it's not often - I substitute when I can."
"The fire thing. There's parts to the fire thing - does your hair burn when you're mad? I saw you do an ignition -" She waves at Tony. "And the frost spell bothered you, although you were perfectly talkative and so on so I don't know how much -" She waves at Sherlock. "I'm not getting much of an impression of a temper off either of you - you were pretty calm about the wizard, sword or no sword - do you cry fire? Could you push magic into a wizard's staff and explode it? Thanks for not doing that if that's a thing you could've done," Bella adds, "I've never gotten hold of an intact recently-used staff whose owner wasn't liable to steal it back a few days later before."
"Stores magic. It's like a wizard staff - some of the same basic principles on the storage end - it'll take all kinds, it could store fire-witch magic without exploding but it wouldn't like it - but it's not a thief. It takes runoff from my spells, anything I generate by accident, occasional donations. Then if I ever need a lot of power without a lot of time to prepare, it's there."
"Aha. Yes, you'll like the kitchen spell. It does take some getting used to, though - the spell does for you, and you do for the spell, it has to learn what you mean when you tell it this or that. I don't have to read off my pancake recipe anymore to get all the ingredients because I don't often change them, but if I did my kitchen would be petulant for hours."
"Yes, if the names are all distinct it will do fine, it has no trouble with the complexities of white bean soup versus black bean soup. Its memory is as large as I make it - mine's got a stack of paper tucked away in a cupboard-space to serve and hasn't run out of room yet."
"There's no good place to get real ones without just buying them from a traveling salesperson, around here, and I have no use for real ones - for all the magical applications the fruit kind works just as well. You'd have to go south for a week to get to a lake with freshwater oysters, and southwest from there for another two weeks to reach the ocean."
They walk till dark, and Bella knows less about where they are now, as she only rarely ventures this far from her home.
The weather's fair; Bella produces a bedroll but not a tent. "I can have a look at your bag now," she offers to Tony.
It's a simple spell, but for anything that's not a sleeve it takes varying amounts of coaxing. She does some of this coaxing aloud. "C'mon, you're so sleevy, I bet you always wanted to be a sleeve when you grew up, huh, you'd make the best sleeve," she coos to Tony's bag.
Bella smirks at her and goes back to wheedling the bag, interspersed with variants on the spell. Eventually she has made enough progress to sprinkle the bag's interior with a mix of herbs that smell almost like dinner. "Come onnnnnn... you can do it... you will fulfill your destiny..."
"I bet my sleeves want to be bags. They work more like bags than sleeves anyway - c'mon - you know you wanna be sleeved - c'mon c'mon - deepandwidecapacioussleevealwaysgiveherw
"There's really no better place to be a magician," Bella says, brightening. "I think there's something like a dozen witches in the whole of Linderwall - no permanent wizard residence - there's Little Elfholts in two of the big cities but it's nothing like having a native elf population - there's just not as much to look at, magic-wise."
"There's the ongoing immortality project, and on the shorter-term front I'm deconstructing some unicorn magic, trying to convince Kexan to introduce me to his grandmother, setting up a test garden to see which of several spells is better at repelling gnomes and other pests, and - now - I'm going to have lots of notes on the Skyvault and maybe the sword to pore over."
"Kexan's grandmother is the King of the Dragons. I want to convince her to let me have a look at the King's Crystal. I don't expect to be allowed to touch it or do anything to it, but I give myself even odds on being allowed to look, possibly if I spend a month in indentured servitude to her first or something. So far Kexan's on the fence about it."
"I'm at least reasonably confident that Kexan will not introduce me if she'd be liable to eat me," says Bella. "Merely not getting a look at the Crystal wouldn't be so bad; I'm not getting a look at it now. But I have to be gentle and patient - which is hard - about wheedling Kexan, since of course if I annoy him too much he might present me without being sure if I'll get eaten. Dragons can be depressingly casual about people getting eaten."
"I think half the reason Kexan is willing to be friends with me is that I take the limitations of human lifespan very seriously as a bad thing that I plan to fix," Bella says, nodding. "I'm certainly not gearing up to produce an heir and he doesn't know my parents."
"It is! There could potentially be an entire class of effects similar to cats and cats are just the one witches have noticed due to the usefulness of having cats," shrugs Bella. "It's an interesting puzzle, but not a priority for me; I can translate Cricket as needed."
"Yes, exactly! There's so much to do! I can barely stand to specialize even the tiny amount that I do. If I were immortal that would solve that problem, and replace it with the far lovelier problem of things to do appearing at a rate per year that would overwhelm anyone's ability to do that number of things in a year."
"Everything! I'm oriented around magic, myself, but there's other things to do in service of that - I know wee bits of Elvish so I can talk about the magic in a language designed to handle it; I've traveled, but only to look at magic things, not just to go places and have a look at them; I know how to craft some objects - like the specs and so on - but only so I can enchant them. And there are certainly other things people do besides magic! I bet some of them are even interesting! If I had a few more lifetimes to cram it into I could get more than serviceable at cooking, and learn how to speak Elvish properly and read books in it, and go see the Pendasi Sky-Islands which aren't even slightly magical but are reputed to be beautiful, and there's all kinds of social activism that needs doing, and stuff to be invented, and people to meet."
"What, don't you do things? You're a princess, I'm sure you get to do things - politics sounds fascinating, I'd probably move to one of those newfangled democracies and play with it if for some reason I couldn't be a magician," says Bella. "And even if that's not to your taste, you've been sent on a pretty open-ended quest, you could go just about anywhere and claim that you might find a husband while you were at it."
"Cimorene was - hang on, not a historian - Cimorene was queen alongside King Mendanbar, right? Did she run away at some point from someone? That's reasonable. Setting him on fire sounds extreme. He might be nothing worse than spineless or otherwise not equipped to run away himself, after all."
"Cimorene got to King Mendanbar by running away from Linderwall, where her parents wanted to marry her to a disagreeable neighbouring prince, and being Kazul's princess for a while. Which is where the family friendship thing got started. I love Cimorene, she's my favourite ancestor."
"If rescuing princesses is the principal use for a prince's ability to swordfight, then it should be a general royal offspring skill," says Bella, waving in Sherlock's direction, "which obviously it can be, just isn't most often. I suppose this is not the case if the rescuing is just courtship theater, but it's awfully stabby courtship theater and should probably be replaced with the board game version if that's the case."
"A dress would be the thing for that - shoes are traditional, and they do extend past my feet or I'd be tripping anyway on account of uncooperative knees or center of gravity, but traditions don't always line up with what's easiest or most sensible to do."
It's full dark at this point. Bella pulls a glowing knob of glass out of a sleeve; it throws her face into stark shadows but lets her pick her way across their chosen clearing to her bedroll and sit on it. "Well, it would be very kind of you to make me such a thing," says Bella. "...I think I mentioned that I am currently saving up for a carpet, though, so, I don't know what materials and labor usually run, but -"
Bella unclips her belt of pouches, doffs her hat, and takes off her moccasins. Her outfit looks much less witchlike with all of those objects sleeved, and when the robes also come off and get folded and put under her pillow and it's just the tunic and leggings they might as well be pajamas. She murmurs a spell that makes her remaining clothes glow pink for a moment and then fades.
Sherlock picks it up and gives it a twist, fitting her hands into the depressions that appear when she does so. It unfolds itself up her arms, wraps around her torso, and clicks and shakes and rattles into place; she hardly has to move except to step into the boots. From the moment she picks it up to the last quiet click is maybe three-quarters of a minute all told.
"I was kind of a daredevil on that thing. It didn't get me into trouble until I'd been out of school for a while. Got distracted at high altitude and a witch plowed right into me and I fell and had to spend two days in the healer's ward. I'm not scared of heights, now, just brooms. My broom was completely wrecked anyway, and they're not any cheaper than carpets - not if you get one that can fly and not one that just does, you know, floors - so I've just been saving for a nice rug."
"Very. I understand they're easy to enchant compared to, say, chairs with straps to hold you in nice and snug, but there are actually staggering numbers of broom accidents if you look at the per hatpoint statistics." Pause. "That being the witch-only term for per capita."
The snake makes a godawful noise and thrashes a coil around Sherlock, and Bella drags herself away from it. "Mulagarby-rothwick-ulfrancian-
"Rothwick-rothwick-rothwick," Bella mutters, holding her hands together until her legs stop bleeding, and then she does her cleaning spell again, and then she says, "Well, I'm down a shoe, I'm not sorting through snake guts for that thing, I'd sooner walk barefoot."
"Barefoot it is," says Bella, peeling off the other moccasin. "They only work as a pair. I'll make more when I get home, I suppose. Eugh. Bad watersnake. Okay, what do I have to get past the rest of them, what do I have... Sherlock, are you okay? Did it get a chance to squeeze you at all?"
"Okay. I don't usually come out this far and the last time I was with Kexan and didn't worry about the snakes, but I have a little powdered mercury-leaf, which I think will make us look like non-food with an associated elf-spell, I'm just not sure about dosage since there's three of us and mercury-leaf is expensive..."
"Mmm... I'm not sure. I don't know anything about royal magic. Certainly it's nothing in common with dwarf magic or fire-witchery. 'Anchoring a ward on a tree does nothing to defend the tree, so wards are routinely stacked with the copious application of arbrex charms; it may also help to invert the dimensional identifiers differently with each layer if the wards are otherwise meant to cover the same area'?"
Yep, that's a lonely crying little kid. "Hi, there," she murmurs. "Are you lost?"
He sniffs, he nods.
"Have you tried asking a squirrel for directions? Squirrels are very good at learning how the forest moves around."
"I -" sniff - "tried! But it wouldn't help me."
"What? Why? Where are you trying to go, where do your parents live? Maybe I can help you."
He shakes his head.
"...You wouldn't tell the squirrel where your parents are supposed to be?"
"No."
"Then of course they couldn't help, they need to know what to give directions to. Look, what's your name?"
"Calemar."
"Calemar, I want to help you get unlost, but I don't know where to unlose you to. Is it not your parents? Do you live with an aunt or an uncle or a grandparent or something and you got confused about the question?"
"No."
"...Are you not supposed to tell strangers where you live?"
"I'm not," sniffles Calemar.
"But Calemar, you don't have to tell her anything, she can just lead you straight to -"
"No! Not supposed to bring people! I have to find it by myself."
"How long have you been lost?"
"A - a couple days," sniffs Calemar.
"Are you hungry?"
He nods.
Bella unpacks a sandwich from her sleeve and hands it over. He bites into it without inquiry about its properties.
"So you're not just generally suspicious of strangers," Bella concludes.
Calemar doesn't answer. His mouth is full.
"I don't wanna meeeeeeeeelt," wails Calemar, "it looks like it hurrrrrrrts!"
Oh.
Bella sits back a bit.
"Melting doesn't hurt," she offers. "It's just inconvenient."
"I don't belieeeeeeeve youuuuuuuu!" Calemar wails.
The cave.
Yep, that's a cave. Calemar breaks away from Bella and hurtles into it, screaming for his parents.
"I don't know anything about that," demurs the woman, "but we're not hurting anyone..."
"There are some wisps coming in, but it's unused residue, not uprooted useful magic. The same sort of stuff my marble grabs," Bella reports when she's retrieved the end of her thread from Tony.
"There's some twenty adult wizards, half with wives and a third with one or more kids, as a cursory estimate," Bella says. "What would they be hiding from other wizards for? I don't get it."
On they proceed, without further incident, wizard-related or otherwise, although they do see a unicorn who's in a terrible hurry to get somewhere and doesn't stop to talk, and a collection of birds who, combined, seem to know rather a lot about music theory.
They stop for the day by a tree with unseasonable icicles on it (but not directly underneath, because that would be silly for reasons of both temperature and sharpness).
Bella puts her book in her sleeve and waits to be set down.
Also this is - this is getting dangerously nice, Bella is not sure how long she can make out with a hot princess who has been carrying her a lot and has achingly good design sense, and not have inconvenient pining problems later if it's just this once. Maybe she should break off and get clearer answers to those context questions. Maybe. Soon.
Not yet.
Okay, now, really, if this doesn't stop now and then it does stop soon-but-later it's going to be a problem that is bigger than the problem of not wanting to stop.
Bella pulls back and withdraws her hands to herself and looks down and says "I don't know what happens later, and if the answer is 'nothing happens later, I look at the Skyvault and go home alone and never see you again' then I need to stop now or I'm going to be in a bad mood for a long time."
"Yeah - but - how much later, is the question, I don't need a time horizon on the scale of months, I don't expect you to be a seer, but I don't want to wind up pining for somebody who only ever wanted to kiss me some over the course of a couple of days, does that make sense?"
"I - no, I really like you, I just think that if it winds up being that we kiss a lot for the next two days and then I look at the Skyvault and I turn around and go home by myself and that's it and that was always going to be it, I'll wind up writing your name in my notebook a lot and then staring at it and frowning trying to figure out what to do about really liking you, and - I have made the amount of that particular tradeoff I want to make, now."
"I was hardly averse to it myself. That's part of the problem." Bella mutters her cleaning spell before she puts her feet on her bedroll; she hasn't been walking all day, thanks to Tony, but she has been walking a nonzero amount, and barefoot. "If I didn't like you so much maybe I could kiss you as much as I felt like, assuming that this was still a nonzero amount, and not worry about accidentally engaging pining mode."
"I don't think I'd insert a parameter like nearest - although I could include only a limited set of locations - and I'd have to be more specific about what doing a good job of ruling the country means and I'd need to know more about who you could tolerate well enough to marry, but yes, basically."
"Well, I could just go find somebody to get me pregnant the old-fashioned way," says Tony. "Wouldn't be the first time that kind of thing happened in a royal family. Although it might be the first time the queen's spouse couldn't get her pregnant because they were also a queen."
"So the way this particular set of twins work is that you would be perfectly okay to be both married to me," Bella clarifies. "...And the 'old fashioned' backup plan, about that, would this be if I were or were not married to you at that point?" she asks Tony.
"Yes, that seems obviously silly," agrees Bella. "But, like, maybe this would go over better with parties who are concerned about succession if I married one of you and then worked on the probably-minor-technical-issue with that one of you and only married the other one if I got it to work? And if I can't get it to work then the other one has to find a husband, but I can do, you know, a husband window."
She practically dives into her notebook when the armor is all wrapped up in itself and her specs are back in her hat. She circles two things in the column on the left and writes under them "royal magic" and "sword" and then in the margin "boy am I ever grabby; to-fix?" and then in the column on the right "two of them!" and then in the column on the left "two of themmmmm".
"Uh, pros and cons, basically," says Bella, squirming a little. "It's a complicated subject, I have complicated opinions, I'm trying to break them up into little bits so I can weigh them and see if any of the cons can be patched and whether the pros add up to enough."
"On the one hand, I really don't know how it'd work. Logistically. It's hard to be unreservedly pleased about something I can't picture. I mean, I have a naive picture but I am completely making it up. On the other hand, sparks and fumes there's two of you."
She fills up her page, turns it, starts drawing a flowchart. "Sherlock?" she prompts when it's been a silent few minutes.
Bella writes this plan down.
She ruminates a little further on pros and cons, and then she puts her light away, and her notebook, and shucks excess worn objects and snuggles down to sleep.
Then she sits up again.
"D'you want a goodnight kiss too?" she asks shyly. "Since you did just about propose to me and all."
"Okay. Last night I asked if I would be learning a valuable lesson about sharing, and -" Bella pulls out her notes to jog her memory. "She said that you do often feel like kissing people, and that didn't sound like it was a complete answer to me, and she said she had to think, and we decided I should ask you about it in the morning?"
She is eyeing the princessly breakfast speculatively, but they still could easily not have enough food for a third person, she doesn't know.
"Would that be objectionable, if I could manage it? I don't know how carefully ordered the grounds are and whether a magician house would unwelcome. I could possibly just also fold most of my rooms into the enchantment on the interior door, and then install the door someplace convenient in the castle, and have a majority of house with a minority of work."