Well, hold on just a second, ventriloquists exist and Bella doesn't have magic person-sensing powers. She looks around for likely hiding spots. "What?" she asks.

"Where are you?" Bella asks, peering behind the rack where the mats hang out and finding no one.

"Right here!" the voice snaps, and the jokers wiggle impatiently in her pocket.

"Believe me," the voice sighs, "I know it must sound crazy. But I swear it's true. I'm a small part of an ancient magical weapon forged on another world. The rest of the weapon is under orders to destroy any planet it finds that doesn't belong to the people who made it, and the people who made it are all dead. If it can convince somebody with magical potential to pick it up and use it, it'll crack this place like an egg."

"Okay," says Bella. "What does this have to do with me specifically - is it just that I picked you up? Why aren't you on board with the program if you're part of the same weapon? How did you split up? How did you and it get here? How common is magical potential? Where is it? If I pick it up and continue to adamantly not want Earth destroyed will that do the trick or can it get around that?"

"Magical potential is rare on this planet," says the pair of jokers, "but you have it, and I think somebody else around here does. I'm talking to you because you have it, and I know you do because you picked me up. I can feel it. Do you really want storytime or do you want me to tell you how to stop the rest of me from blowing up your planet?"

"...Tell me what that would consist of," Bella says. "But the hypothesis that some cards I picked up in gym are talking to me doesn't logically imply that those cards aren't liars - a liar? - a fraction of a liar? - and it also isn't a hypothesis I totally buy, so if the steps involve, like, smothering kittens, that's not happening without extremely convincing storytime."

"Okay," says the pair of jokers. "It's simple. You pick me up and hold me and accept me as your weapon, there's some snazzy special effects, then I do a search spell and we go find the rest of me and overwhelm it with magical damage until it shuts down. I'm pretty sure if I reintegrate at that point, I can rip the program out by the roots, and then there's no more problem and you can go back to whatever you were doing when I said hey."

"Can I get my sister to sanity-check me - will she be able to see the special effects?"

"Anybody can see the special effects."

"Okay. What's the approximate percent risk per hour of someone else finding the rest of you?"

"I have no idea," the voice says promptly. "I think I felt another magical signature around here somewhere today, and last I saw it about a year ago, the rest of the deck was still in this town; it doesn't move around as easily as I do. So there's somebody wandering around that it might be able to use, and they might find each other any minute, but as to when that'll be or if it'll even happen, your guess is just about as good as mine."

"This doesn't, like run in families or anything, does it?"

"Man, do I look like a genetics expert?" it demands.

"You look like the discard pile for a game of gin rummy," Bella says. "How the hell should I know what you're an expert on? I'm calling my sister, I'll pick her up, we'll do special effects, if they happen we'll go from there." She pulls out her phone and starts dialing.

The pair of jokers laughs good-naturedly.

The phone rings, and rings, and Lexi doesn't pick up. Bella flips her phone closed. "She must be busy. Or she let it die again. Homeward, I think. Have you got a name?" she asks, buckling her seatbelt and turning the keys in the ignition.

"Yeah," it says, in dare-you-to-comment tones. "Brilliance."

"I'm Bella," says Bella. She has no idea why he'd use that tone of voice; it's not like she has any idea what constitutes a normal name for a deck of cards. She pulls out of the parking lot. "If you can rip out the program that destroys planets, why didn't you do it before?"

"...I honestly have no idea how to explain," says Brilliance. "Your language doesn't have words for it. I'm not sure there's a language that does. Uh, let's try... it was supposed to be a part of me I could never remove. Until we split apart, it was. Now that we're apart, I can't take back the part of me that it stole unless I beat it up a whole lot first, but once I do it should be weak enough for me to wipe it out."

"As long as we're waiting for Lexi to confirm that I don't belong in a padded room, let's have some storytime," Bella says.

"Well, that sucks," says Bella. "...What do indescribably powerful magical weapons do when they have their control programs ripped out at the roots, dare I ask?"

"Never met another one," it says. "Me, I have no idea. I just know I really don't want to destroy another planet."

"...Another planet."

"Remember how I said the people who made me were all dead?" it says flatly. "Their other favourite way to control me was torture. One day somebody forgot to lock down my power output while they were at it. I blasted the planet in half."

"...How inhabited a planet are we talking about here?"

"Probably a couple thousand people," he says. "I never met most of 'em; they kept me at the bottom of a deep dark hole. It wasn't populated like this world or some of the others I've seen. Think that's why they set up shop there."

"And you killed them all."

"Yep," he says. "And I'm not sorry. But I'll be happy if I never have to do it again."

"Christ."

"What?" says Brilliance belligerently. "It happened centuries before you were born, so even if you have a brilliant idea about how else I could have gotten loose, it doesn't make any difference now."

"You just told me you killed a whole lot of people, and you're telling me I need to do stuff or more people will die," Bella points out, "I don't hear that every day."

"How did you and the rest of you get here?" Bella asks tentatively.

"When I'm all together, I can use dimensional transfer and teleportation magic."

"And you land yourself on inhabited planets? Or the rest of you does."

"I tried staying away from inhabited planets. But the program could use my dimensional transfer magic too if it managed to take over, and if I go too long without hearing somebody else talk, it starts winning. I need to be near people."

"And I'm the first person to pick you up?"

"The first person who had any magic in 'em. I was avoiding people like you before the split."

"What would've happened if someone like me had grabbed you before then?"

"Well, for one thing, they could torture me anytime they wanted if they figured out how to use that system."

"Most people don't torture other people given the chance," Bella points out. "Or destroy planets," she feels compelled to add.

"...That's not a good reason to risk it," he says. "What I'm trying to do right now, that's a good reason to risk it. 'Well, they might not feel like torturing me' really isn't."

"I'm not going to torture you," volunteers Bella, "or destroy the planet."

"Great," says Brilliance. "Glad to hear it. So when can we go find the rest of me?"

"I told you, I want to see if Lexi can see the special effects before I go around doing anything weirder than talking to a couple of playing cards. Why do you even look like playing cards?"

"Fuck!" yelps Brilliance. "Forget that, somebody found the rest of the deck! We need to get there right now!"

"I have no idea if I'm sane!" exclaims Bella. "I - shit - there -" There's someone pulled over on the highway; she pulls over behind him. "What do I do, we'll see if this random dude can see it and get going," she says.

"Pick me up and hold me, I'll do the rest," says Brilliance.

She scoops him up off the dashboard and reaches for the door handle.