—changes.

"I think I'm confused?" he ventures. "Would expect that either this'd be the first thing one would do on getting magic powers, or not on the to-do list at all."

"Huh. You know, I thought I was straight - albeit a pretty low-key kind of straight that wasn't getting much exercise since turning, but, you remember, the erstwhile wife and kids - till I met you, and then I figured I wasn't, and now I'm not sure what little box to check on the census form."

"Oh, sweetie," she says fondly. "Can't help ya there. But if I'm still hot either way, I think that's a clue."

"Very," agrees Nathan. "Very-very-very."

"Sooo," she says, "if I wanted to take the new body for a spin...?"

She doesn't have to suggest this twice.

What if she wants to do it again immediately afterward?

It's possible Nathan will still beat her to making the suggestion!

She loves him so very very much.

It's extremely mutual.

"Love you," she murmurs, pillowing her head on his shoulder. It is not very pillowy, but she likes it anyway.

"Love you forever, babe."

"How are you this snuggly without being even a tiny bit squishable?" she wonders.

"No idea."

"Good. I have very little memory of what it felt like to be a squishy fleshy thing like you -" (poke, poke) "and don't know if I'd like it, were you disposed to magic me that way."

"We could try it sometime," he says idly, wriggling playfully when Nathan pokes him. "If you want. See if it's fun."

"I don't think I'd like being squished, the way you do," Nathan points out.

"Well, I won't squish you like that," she says easily. "But it'd make cuddling different."

"If you wanna try it, go for it," he says, kissing her scalp.

"This is different," he says. "...The floor is much less comfortable now that I have more give than it does."

He follows her, not fully steady on his squishier feet but not falling over outright either.

"Much better." Hmm, has his squishiness come with a reduction in his strength, too, or can he still squish his mate if he wants? Empiricism is called for.

"I love you so, so much," he purrs.

"I like cuddling squishable-you," she declares. "Want me to make it so you can switch back and forth when you want?"

"Sure, babe."

He doesn't send the squishiness away immediately, just snuggles up close and kisses her nose.

She giggles and hugs him. Squishily!

"What ratio of girl-shaped to Original Recipe should I be expecting?" inquires Nathan.

"Dunno," she says. "Definitely some of both."

"Just haven't planned things that far in advance?" chuckles Nathan.

"Nope!"

"If we made more of a habit of leaving the condo the neighbors would probably think there were two of you and I was cheating on at least one," observes Nathan.

"Twins with matching scars," says Nathan, raising an eyebrow, "probably a little less likely to the neighbors' way of thinking than me having a weird scar fetish and having picked up two unrelated persons at a weird scar support group of some kind."

"Unrelated people with the same face and the same hair," she counters. "It's weird any way you look at it."

"All right, twins with matching scars I picked up at a weird scar support group," agrees Nathan, "and I'm very -" kiss - "very -" kiss - "lucky."

"You are," she says cheerfully, kissing him back. "Mmmm, my squishy snuggly sweetheart. Love you."

"I love you."

Snuggles ensue. (Also some groping. There are new shapes to grope, and even the old ones hadn't worn off their novelty.)

Nathan, of course, has memorized his mate's eating patterns without even having to try. "Already?"

"...Yeah?" she says. She hasn't memorized any patterns; she eats when she feels like it, and she feels like eating now.

"Whatcha having?" he asks, rolling up to his feet.

"Dunno," she says musingly, heading for the kitchen. "...French toast. I feel like French toast."

"That's got eggs in it, doesn't it?" Nathan asks slowly.

"Yeah, why?"

"...Babe," says Nathan, "how thoroughly did you turn into a woman?"

"Can you," Nathan says, "get pregnant."

"Neither did I." He sighs. "Unusual hunger - especially for eggs, among things humans eat - is common for people pregnant with half-vampires."

"...Of course. Sorry to distract."

"...What's up, sweetie?"

"Do you want to have a child?"

"I don't know," she says, shrugging again. "Haven't thought about it. Do you?"

"Had some. I think they were mine." Pause. "They were there when I woke up from turning, babe."

He hugs her back. "I didn't know you'd - if I'd - I wasn't trying to knock you up."

"I know, hon," she says. "I love you. I'm sorry about your kids."

"I'm not sure they were mine. They looked like me, but. I can't remember."

"It's still sad," she says, hugging him some more.

"Yeah." He hugs her back. "...If you want to keep it, if it's even there and this isn't just a stray craving for French toast and me being paranoid, then the standard procedure is C-section three weeks along."

"That's fast," she comments. "And I don't know what I think yet."

"They're very fast," agrees Nathan. "If you don't do a C-section they chew their way out at about one month."

"That sounds messy."

"Yes. Also, fatal in all known cases."

"We can do it the other way, then," she shrugs. "I wouldn't want you to worry."

"So you do want it," he says.

"Still not sure yet. But if I keep the kid, yeah, we can take 'em out early."

"Okay."

"Weren't you craving French toast," Nathan says weakly, but he hugs her.

She waves a hand. "I unhungried myself," she says. "I want to be hugging you more than I want to be eating."

"I love you, honey," she murmurs into his shoulder.

"I love you, babe."

Snuggggggggle.

"Sure, okay," she says, snuggling him some more. "And let's go back to bed and cuddle there."

He picks her up and carries her to bed for further snuggling. "Well, you met the princess, you saw Henry. Half-vampires wind up with very rigid sleep schedules. Usually they crash sometime in the evening, but some of them are nocturnal or sleep mornings or something instead. They grow fast. About ten times as fast as a human till they're six months old and look five, and then it slows down till they stop growing when they're seven and look somewhere between eighteen and twenty. They don't age after that."

"Huh," she says. "I wonder what's up with the sleep thing."

Nathan shrugs. "Vampires have no choice but to not-sleep all the time, humans have no choice but to do some sleeping but can do it whenever, that's how those traits happen to combine. Half-vamps are about halfway between humans and vampires in most ways, including speed and strength. They can drink blood or eat food, either one, they mostly like blood or the synthetics of it better though. They don't get sick. They heal about like vampires do, but they're more - biological, with heartbeats and needing to breathe and everything."

"What do you think about kids?" she wonders. "I mean, do you wanna have one? Do you wanna have one right now?"

"I have honestly never thought about it before. It was only a few decades back that I knew half-vampires were possible, and when I met you I ruled it out, and when you changed yourself I - didn't think."

"Well, this isn't the first accidental half-vampire of all time," snorts Nathan.

"They do sleep," he points out. "But this much? No, not really, not unless we follow the Coven around and hand it off to babysitters many times a day."

"Mm, but kids grow up," she muses. "Pretty quick, too, if they're half-vampires. And then we can go back to fucking all the time, if we want."

"That is true," agrees Nathan, nuzzling her throat.

"I think I'll make myself all tasty again," the Joker decides. "That was fun."

"Er," says Nathan. "As long as you're still pregnant and haven't decided not to have the baby, do make sure I'm not taking stuff it needs?"

"Sure," she says, and stacks another hex on her regeneration power.

"All right then," he says, pressing his teeth to her neck.

The Joker makes herself all tasty.

Nathan growls and sets about developing another bellyache.

"I love you," he says in a half purr, half groan. "And how you taste when you do that."

"Good," she says cheerfully. "That's the idea."

A few days later, there is a knock on their door.

Nathan's been too preoccupied to be checking his timer for things like "correct times to get dressed", so he calls, "Just a second!"

The Joker snaps her fingers, and they are both abruptly dressed—her in a proportions-adjusted version of the white dress that started all this, him in that blood-red shirt he looks so beautiful in and a pair of black pants she made him later.

"Thanks, babe," says Nathan, and he gets the door.

It's Bella. "Hello ag-" She stops mid-word, peering at the Joker.

"Hi!" she says cheerfully. "I'm pregnant."

"I can see that."

"She turned herself into a woman, we didn't think through the consequences of that, a few hours later she wanted French toast and I guessed, at this point we are pretty sure, she hasn't decided yet about having it but leaning towards yes," Nathan summarizes.

"What do ya think we should name the kid?"

"I went with a variant on a name that appears on both sides of Elspeth's family," Bella shrugs. "Edward's mother was called Elizabeth and Isabella's a variant on the same. I don't know what that would leave you with, if Nathan even remembers any family members' names."

"I remember my wife's name," he says. "It was Calybrid. I don't remember much else about her, though, and no other names."

"No part of my family is gonna touch this kid," says the Joker.

Nathan nods. But says, "There are some nice Manx names, if not Calybrid in particular."

"Well," says Bella, "insofar as congratulations are appropriate, you have mine - I assume you're keeping it quiet till you're sure if you'll be giving birth or not? Will you want any help with the delivery?"

"Mm, will we need it?" she asks.

"It's not impossible. Even with magic, you could find yourselves distracted."

"Then sure."

"The capital sites are all equipped for it, a lot of the people who come in for turning are pregnant, but we can just skip that with you. Give me a day's notice, please."

"Sure, okay."

"Have we new coins this week?"

"We do!" she says cheerfully, and transfers most of them. Unlike previous times, though, she keeps a few of each kind for herself.

Bella observes that but doesn't remark on it. "Thanks," she says. "I'll see you in a couple weeks more."

"See ya," she says agreeably.

"Bye, Bella."

Bella closes the door and teleports away.

"Manx names, huh?" says the Joker. "Like what?"

"Ascon, Kerron, Payl. If it's a boy. Girls - Aedyt, Jony, Myghin. Lots of them really, but I like those."

"Those're cute."

"You're cute."

"Right back atcha, hon," she says, and kisses him.

Well, that leads to predictable places. She's not that pregnant yet. Heck, the baby hasn't even started breaking her ribs.

About a week later, Nathan says, "This is the best time to ask if you've made up your mind."

"All right," he says, and kisses her. "What d'you want to name it? Do you want to hang out with the Golden Coven more so there's babysitters?"

"Gonna be close to Henry's age, and if Rosalie gets her way, close to Henry's next little sibling's age. It'll grow past any wolf pups it meets but there's those around too," Nathan says. "Coven's full of people who'd look after a little half-vampire for a while. They make easy babies, they don't cry much, diapers are not called for, etcetera."

"Then sure," she says. "We can follow 'em around for a while."

"You got it, babe," says Nathan. "Names?"

"No idea," she laughs. "Your favourites still the same as last time?"

"Among Manx names, yeah, I could pick some from elsewhere in the world if desired."

"Nah, I think it's cute to give the munchkin a name from the same place as you," she says. "Unless they don't like it."

"All right. D'you remember my shortlist?"

"Mmm... there was an Ascon on there?" she hazards.

"Yes, that was one of the boys' names. Ascon, Kerron, Payl. Aedyt, Jony, Myghin."

"They're all cute," she reaffirms.

"You want me to pick a pair? Or you wanna have a look at the kid when it's born and see if it looks more like a Kerron or a Payl, or whatever?"

"Hmm... oh, if you leave it up to me, I'll end up waiting until the kid's old enough to have an opinion," she laughs. "So if you want something to call 'em besides 'Munchkin' before then, you better pick it yourself."

"Well, it might not actually take that long for an opinion to happen," Nathan says. "We could do that. But then I would expect a name like 'Superman' - or possibly 'Dracula'. I bet that's what you get when you let a week-old half-vampire name himself is a child insisting that his name is Dracula. Let's forestall that. I like Kerron and Aedyt."

Nathan addresses her midsection. "Your name," he tells it, "is not Dracula, and I will not take responsibility for explaining why everyone you knew in your childhood calls you that when you are trying to go by Kerron or Aedyt again and asking a cute wolf to sit next to you at the Ultra Olympics."

"I love you," he tells her comfortably.

After the Joker has been pregnant for twenty days, Nathan announces, "This is the best time to give Bella her day's notice and move back in with the capital. I believe they're in Jaipur yet."

"All righty," she says, and dresses and teleports them.

Nathan finds his room in this capital site, shows her to it, and brainphones Bella, who refers them to Rosalie, who makes them an appointment for delivery the subsequent day.

The Joker decides to celebrate with cuddles. Munchkin is breaking the occasional rib by now, but they only stay broken for fractions of a second at a time, so it's not a big inconvenience.

"You're having the easiest half-vampire pregnancy of all time," Nathan tells her. "I wonder why today was best anyway. You'd be fine for days yet as far as I can guess. Tired of being gravid?"

"Mm, no," she says, "but I might be about to be tired of it."

"Fair enough." He pats the place under which Kerron-or-Aedyt rests.

"Sleep well, babe," he says, and he kisses her forehead.

She dozes her way through most of the remaining time until their appointment. Occasionally the baby kicks and she wakes up with a squeak or a giggle.

"Probably," she agrees. "What'd you do with yours?"

"Bella wished it away, but I wasn't being a human under it, I didn't have a medical emergency as soon as it was opened up," Rosalie says. "You'll need to be quick, or give someone else one of those coins - I can do it, or you can give it to Nathan, whichever."

"What kind of medical emergency?" she asks. "It'd have to be pretty brutal to get me; I heal fast these days."

"Blood loss, broken spine, venom that doesn't turn me - been there, done that," she says cheerfully.

The Joker grins and bites her lip. "Tickles."

"Awww," says the Joker, a little breathlessly, as her spine uncracks and her abdomen pours out a gush of not-quite-venom and then seals itself. She wriggles, then holds out her arms. "I wanna kiss my munchkin," she declares.

"Hiya, snugglebug," she murmurs, kissing Kerron's forehead. Then she looks up at Nate. "Where do you wanna go, hon?"

"Goldie's been busy, I guess," she remarks, and gets to her feet, still cuddling Kerron.

"That would be Stella," the Joker agrees. "Who I'm pretty sure still hates me, it makes me sad sometimes."

"Aw, babe," says Nathan. "She let you come here, didn't she?"

"Yeah," she says, stepping up to Nathan so she can lean against him, her arms being full of baby at the moment and therefore not available to hug him with. "But I don't think she was happy about it."

Nathan looks at her with a completely faux innocence as they reach his door.

"So, I'm gonna conjure the munchkin a crib," she says brightly, "and put it somewhere way out of our way, and then I'm gonna soundproof our room."

"That sounds good to me!" says Nathan brightly.

"Soundproofing up, babe?" asks Nathan.

"Yep!"

Pounce.

"Hi, cutie," says the Joker, leaning over the crib to give the baby a good-morning kiss.

"Awwwwwww," says the Joker.

"Half-vampires are about two steps up from pet rocks in maintenance. Feed once daily, do not psychologically scar," Nathan says, and he tosses Kerron and catches him a couple of times, to Kerron's immense amusement.

She cracks up.

"Whoooo's easy to take care of? Izzit you?" Nathan asks, catching Kerron and holding him eye-level, arm's length. "I think it's you!" He hands the baby over to the Joker.

"Awwww little munchkin," she says, giggling and hugging the baby, and then hugging Nathan too for good measure.

"Aaaaah," agrees Kerron, and he bites at the Joker's arm.

She wishes herself impermeable before the teeth connect, and then lets him chew on her ineffectually.

"No, it'd just be weird to have my kid getting his teeth in me," she explains.

She can have hugs. She can have all the hugs she wants.

Mmm.

Hugs.

The Joker shrugs. "I'm still pretty much the same, right?"

He shrugs again. "I dunno. Got any preferences?"

"Maggie and Gianna have their kid calling them Mum and Mamma respectively," says Nathan, "if that's any useful guide. But you probably are going to spend a decent fraction of the time being more mummy-like than papa-like and maybe it'd be simpler to carry on with that regardless." He shrugs. "I can be Daddy."

"Okay," giggles the Joker, and he kisses the baby's forehead. "Your daddy is the cutest vampire in the world," he says brightly.

"Wrrrm," asserts Kerron, peering at the Joker like he's a kaleidoscope.

He makes a silly face.

"Ooh, let's!"

Outside they go! Kerron is fascinated by everything, but most especially people; some of them he waves at the same way he was waving in the Joker's direction minutes ago. He babbles the entire way.

"I think," says the Joker, "that we have ourselves the cutest munchkin."

The Joker hoists Kerron up and kisses his forehead again.

They are complimented six times on their baby by the time they finish their walk. (Nathan translates, on occasions when these compliments are not in English.)

"See? Cutest munchkin," he says, hugging Kerron. "And a buncha people you're never gonna see again think so too."

"Egaba lofta!"

He giggles.

The Joker

nods.

"Wonder if you could magic the blind spots away," the Joker muses.

He appears a spare hex and offers it to her.

"Want another one?" he asks cheerfully. "They're going begging today."

"Sometimes!" he agrees, and drops a hex into Alice's hand, and hugs Nathan.

Alice looks momentarily curious, and then she makes a face and sits back down. "No kidding," she snorts. "You're definitely Stella's boyfriend's alt. She came and consulted me about turning him, and my exact words were that he'd have a 'disturbing amount of fun'."

"I think most people eventually figure out that their parents have had sex," the Joker snorts.

"Ours was an accident," the Joker says cheerfully. "I wasn't sure I wanted to keep him at first, but I love my munchkin and I don't regret it for a second."

He shrugs. "Why shouldn't I?"

"Did you have a nasty childhood or something?" the Joker inquires. "I did too. Different kind, though."

"Munchkin knows what's up," the Joker observes.

"Awww."

"Sure," he shrugs.

Henry trots up and holds out his arms and receives a baby, who is not all that much smaller than him and is still carried with ease. "Hi! I'm Henry!" he says to Kerron. Kerron laughs. Rosalie clasps her hands together and smiles.

"Aren't they cute?" the Joker says happily.

He hugs Nathan, because Nathan is there and huggable and this spectacle is giving him many huggy feelings.

Nathan hugs back. Henry marches in circles, carrying Kerron, who finds the entire scenario utterly hilarious. Eventually he hands off Kerron to the nearest adult - "Here, Aunt Alice, you hold him!" - and runs back to his mother, who picks him up and sits him on her shoulders.

The Joker giggles helplessly.

"The more the merrier, right?"

The Joker grins at Henry.

"Me either," says the Joker. "You talkin' to me, munchkin?"

"Hiya, munchkin," he says, kissing Kerron's forehead.

"Maaaaaaaybe," says the Joker.

"Awwwwwww," says the Joker.

"That's sad," he murmurs.

The Joker grins.

"See you all later," says Nathan pleasantly, and he steers the Joker towards their quarters.

"It's so nice to have babysitters," he says brightly. "And soundproofing."

It is a very, very good thing that they have soundproofing.

"I love you too," sighs Nathan, "and I am so glad I found you."

"So's damn near everybody," he observes.

"Yes. I have a very trustworthy timer," Nathan says contently.

The Joker kisses him.

Kisses. Kisses can occupy their ten minutes. And then they can get into clothes and go retrieve their son.

"Hi!" says the Joker. "You want me to fix the book?"

"I think it adds character," says Alice. "Henry bit it, anyway, it wasn't Kerron."

He laughs. "Okay."

Alice hands over the baby, who is babbling up a storm and waving his hands around like he's trying to fingerpaint the air.

"Somebody's excited," he says, giving the baby a hug.

"Ewupda!" crows Kerron.

"Love you too, munchkin," he laughs.

Alice giggles, and Nathan steers the Joker out of her room.

"I feel like taking the munchkin out for another walk," the Joker decides. "Whatcha think?"

"Sure. We've got a few hours before he falls asleep again."

Nate leads them on a different route through Jaipur, and Kerron continues to babble and wave at everyone they pass close to, and everyone continues to find him adorable.

"I love you, munchkin," the Joker murmurs when they get back, and he kisses the top of Kerron's head.

"Wug," says Kerron.

"Snugglebug," he says, kissing the baby again.

The Joker giggles.

The Joker raises his eyebrows.

"He's a twofer! He's an ingot and a witch!" cries Addy, picking up a giggling Kerron.

He relaxes, smiling.

"He is a helpful little cutie," the Joker agrees, grinning. "Well. Ain't that special."

"Sure," he says, and snaps his fingers, and there is a glass of thick, pale yellow juice in his other hand. "Or did you mean separately?" And he steps up and does the pulling-a-quarter-out-of-your-ear trick, except that instead of any kind of coin, he extracts from thin air a divided plastic bowl with slices of pineapple in one half and chunks of coconut in the other.

The Joker hands over the solids first, flashing a smile over his shoulder at Nathan.

Addy says, "It's hard to compare directly across memories, but I think it's a combination of the two, mostly the second."

"Think I should fix it?" he asks, glancing between Nathan and Addy and Kerron.

"Fix it so food tastes as nice as blood or bubbly or whatever to Kerron?" Nathan asks.

"Mmhmm. Whaddya say, munchkin?"

Munchkin says "Yay!"

The Joker giggles.

The Joker shrugs. "Your call, munchkin."

"Fine by me, then." He smiles at Addy.

He hugs his munchkin.